E1 - The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part One Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:24] ---     How long you believed in Santa Claus... [00:27] ---     ...is so meaningless it won't     even serve as idle chatter. [00:31] ---     If you still ask how long     I believed in a made-up... [00:34] ---     ...red-suited old man     named Santa, I say this for sure. [00:38] ---     I didn't believe in him from the start. [00:41] ---     I knew the Santa at my     kindergarten Christmas event was a fake. [00:46] ---     I didn't even witness     Mom kissing Santa or anything... [00:50] ---     ...but shrewdly, I doubted an old man     who only worked on Christmas. [00:55] ---     But aliens, future men,     ghosts, monsters, espers... [00:59] ---     ...evil cartels and anime, manga,     live-action heroes that fight them... [01:03] ---     It wasn't till later in my life     that I realized they all don't exist. [01:08] ---     No, I probably noticed it.     I just didn't want to accept it. [01:12] ---     I longed for aliens, future men,     ghosts, monsters, espers... [01:17] ---     ...and evil cartels to just appear     from the bottom of my heart. [01:21] ---     But reality's harsher than you think. [01:24] ---     Impressed by the world's laws of physics... [01:27] ---     ...I didn't watch UFO and     ghost TV shows with the same gusto. [01:31] ---     Aliens, future men, espers?     No way they exist. [01:35] ---     But it'd be nice. [01:36] ---     I've grown to where I think things     like the greatest common factor. [01:40] ---     Entrance Ceremony [01:44] ---     After graduating junior high,     I had outgrown such childish dreams... [01:49] ---     ...and adjusted to life's plainness. [01:52] ---     I became a high schooler without fanfare... [01:52] ---     Best regards and hopes for the coming year! [01:55] ---     ...and met her. [02:00] ---     Haruhi Suzumiya from East Junior High. [02:03] ---     I'm not interested in ordinary humans. [02:05] ---     If any of you are aliens,     future men, otherworlders, or espers... [02:11] ---     ...please come see me. [02:13] ---     That's all. [02:16] ---     Am I supposed to laugh here? [02:20] ---     A tremendously beautiful girl was there. [02:33] ---     Um, well, next... [02:34] ---     Everyone thought she was just joking. [02:35] ---     Taniguchi from East Junior High. [02:37] ---     My hobby is to write letters to radio programs. [02:37] ---     Conclusions first: It wasn't a gag or punch line. [02:41] ---     Haruhi is always dead serious. [02:44] ---     That was how we met. [02:46] ---     I really do think back and     want to believe it was a coincidence. [02:56] ---     The answer is always in my heart. [03:11] ---     I don't know why, but I chose you. [03:17] ---     It won't stop now. Mr. Destiny deemed it so. [03:23] ---     I believe it's boring to just mimic. [03:29] ---     You'll be right, so I'll do what I feel as I feel it. [03:38] ---     It's an adventure, right, right? [03:40] ---     In this world where truth becomes fiction. [03:45] ---     We become stronger     because we have dreams... [03:49] ---     ...not for the sake of someone. [03:52] ---     Please come with me. [03:55] ---     See me and my endlessly free self. [04:01] ---     Today's present that becomes     tomorrow's past is the miracle. [04:07] ---     Let's grab the future. [04:13] ---     I believe you... [04:22] ---     Haruhi Suzumiya,     as long as she quietly sits there... [04:26] ---     ...is nothing but a beautiful high schooler. [04:29] ---     My seat was just right in front of hers. [04:32] ---     It'd be nice to know her better...     Who'd blame me for even a second? [04:38] ---     Hey, what you said in your introduction... [04:41] ---     How serious were you? [04:44] ---     What I said? [04:46] ---     Well, you know, about aliens and stuff. [04:48] ---     You're an alien? [04:50] ---     No... [04:51] ---     No what? [04:53] ---     No... Nothing. [04:55] ---     Then don't talk to me.     You're wasting my time. [05:03] ---     Don't sweat it. [05:04] ---     I found out later that they were     all from Haruhi's junior high. [05:09] ---     If you have the hots for her,     I won't say anything bad... [05:13] ---     ...but forget it. [05:15] ---     I know her well since I was     in her junior high class all three years. [05:19] ---     Her quirks are way beyond normal. [05:22] ---     That introduction? [05:23] ---     Yeah. [05:24] ---     In junior high, she did     one wacky thing after another. [05:28] ---     She's known for the "quad scribbles." [05:30] ---     What's that? [05:32] ---     You know the tool that draws     chalk lines? What are they called? [05:36] ---     Oh, well. [05:37] ---     She drew a giant,     weird symbol on the quad with it. [05:41] ---     Snuck into school at night too. [05:43] ---     Oh, I remember reading about that. [05:46] ---     Wasn't that in the paper's local section? [05:49] ---     Like a badly done Nazca drawing. [05:52] ---     She was the one responsible? [05:55] ---     No mistake, since she said so herself. [05:58] ---     I was in class one morning,     and all the desks were in the hall. [06:02] ---     And she painted a star on the roof... [06:05] ---     ...and plastered strange cards around campus. [06:05] ---     What's she doing? [06:08] ---     The type on a kyonshi's head. [06:11] ---     I don't get it. [06:13] ---     Still, she's popular with guys. [06:15] ---     She's got a pretty face. [06:18] ---     Plus, she's good at sports,     and her grades are on the good side. [06:22] ---     You'd never know     she's odd if she just stood there. [06:25] ---     That involves another episode? [06:27] ---     For a while, she was     dating one guy after another. [06:30] ---     As far as I know,     the longest lasted a week. [06:34] ---     And I heard the shortest ended     five minutes after she accepted. [06:40] ---     I don't have time for common humans. [06:42] ---     Then don't accept! [06:46] ---     It's what I heard! Really. [06:48] ---     I don't know why,     but she doesn't turn down dates. [06:52] ---     So before you have any weird ideas,     I'll tell you outright. [06:57] ---     Forget it. [06:57] ---     Forget it? In the first place,     I don't have that desire. [07:04] ---     If it were me, in this class, I'd go for... [07:07] ---     ...her. [07:10] ---     Ryoko Asakura. [07:11] ---     She's in the top three for freshmen girls. [07:15] ---     You checked out all the freshmen girls? [07:18] ---     Of course. [07:20] ---     I ranked them from A to D     and memorized the A-ranks' full names. [07:25] ---     Asakura is an A? [07:27] ---     AA+ rank, I'd say. [07:29] ---     I'm sure she has a great     personality on top of looks. [07:35] ---     Amazing! [07:38] ---     This was when Haruhi Suzumiya     was still acting calm. [07:42] ---     The month soothed my heart. [07:45] ---     But bits of Haruhi's strange behavior... [07:47] ---     ...had already started     to show themselves at this point. [07:52] ---     So, exhibit one.     Her hairdo changed every day. [07:56] ---     Monday, Tuesday,     Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. [08:00] ---     The number of hair ties progressed by day. [08:03] ---     After a Monday reset,     it's one per day till Friday. [08:06] ---     What kind of hair does     she have on Sunday? I'd like to see. [08:13] ---     Exhibit two. [08:14] ---     They saw me naked! [08:15] ---     PE class is separated by sex. [08:18] ---     For changing, girls use     the odd classrooms, and boys use even. [08:22] ---     But she slowly stripped off     her uniform with the boys still there. [08:33] ---     Male students are nothing more     than potatoes to her, it seems. [08:39] ---     Exhibit three. [08:42] ---     To my dismay... [08:43] ---     Tea Ceremony Club [08:44] ---     ...Haruhi temporarily applied [08:45] ---     to every club in this school. [08:49] ---     Every sports club begged her to join,     but she declined them all. [08:54] ---     Her club activity changed daily on a whim. [08:57] ---     In the end, she didn't join any club. [09:00] ---     What does she want to do, anyway? [09:07] ---     After this and that, [09:09] ---     Yo, Kyon. [09:09] ---     the first day after Golden Week break... [09:11] ---     Yo. [09:12] ---     Go anywhere for Golden Week? [09:12] ---     By the way, "Kyon" is my nickname. [09:14] ---     Grandma's with my sister. [09:15] ---     I wish he'd stop using it though. [09:16] ---     That's so boring. [09:21] ---     Oh, today's Wednesday. [09:24] ---     Such were my thoughts.     Something must've gotten to me. [09:28] ---     I can't think of any other reason. [09:30] ---     Do you change hairdos     each day to ward off aliens? [09:34] ---     I was talking to Haruhi Suzumiya. [09:37] ---     When did you notice? [09:39] ---     A while ago. [09:40] ---     Oh, I see. [09:43] ---     I think that each weekday     has a different image that I feel. [09:49] ---     By colors, Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red... [09:50] ---     I felt a real conversation had been established [09:53] ---     ...Wednesday is blue, [09:53] ---     for the first time. [09:54] ---     Thursday is green, Friday is gold... [09:57] ---     ...Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white. [09:59] ---     I kind of understand. [10:02] ---     So in numbers,     Monday is zero, and Sunday is six? [10:07] ---     Right. [10:08] ---     I feel that Monday is more like a one... [10:12] ---     Nobody asked for your opinion. [10:14] ---     Is that so? [10:30] ---     Have I met you somewhere? Like way back? [10:34] ---     No. [10:36] ---     Usually, something is triggered     by a trivial event. [10:41] ---     This surely was my trigger. [10:43] ---     But the decent reply surprised me. [10:46] ---     I totally thought she'd say something like... [10:49] ---     ..."Shut up, noisy idiot.     Such things don't matter!" [10:54] ---     So when she came the next day     with her long hair chopped... [10:58] ---     ...I was pretty disturbed by it. [11:00] ---     Isn't cutting it short the day after     I made the comment too rash? [11:07] ---     Not really. [11:10] ---     Since then, it was becoming a ritual [11:12] ---     to talk to Haruhi... [11:12] ---     I heard something in the rumor mill... [11:14] ---     ...in the few minutes before homeroom. [11:15] ---     Is it true... [11:16] ---     ...you dumped every guy you dated? [11:19] ---     Why do I have to be     lectured about that by you? [11:22] ---     I don't know what you want to ask, but fine. [11:25] ---     It's probably all true. [11:27] ---     Wasn't there at least one guy     you seriously considered dating? [11:31] ---     None were good. [11:33] ---     One and all were so serious it felt stupid. [11:36] ---     They weren't aliens, future men, or espers... [11:39] ---     That's normal. [11:41] ---     And what's with most asking over the phone? [11:44] ---     Say those important things face-to-face. [11:47] ---     Well, yeah. [11:49] ---     I'd say it to her directly. [11:49] ---     I'll just agree for now. [11:51] ---     Those things don't matter. [11:54] ---     Which is it? [11:55] ---     The problem is whether or not     the universe's men are pathetic. [12:01] ---     Really, it always irritated me in junior high. [12:04] ---     Then who would've been good?     An alien, after all? [12:08] ---     An alien or something equivalent in nature. [12:11] ---     If it's not a common human... [12:14] ---     ...boy or girl doesn't matter... [12:15] ---     Why are you... [12:17] ---     ...so adamant about beings     other than normal humans? [12:20] ---     Because that way,     things are more fun. [12:34] ---     Hey, Kyon.     What kind of magic did you use? [12:37] ---     What's that? [12:39] ---     This is the first time I've seen     Suzumiya talk for so long. [12:43] ---     What did you say? [12:45] ---     I wonder. [12:46] ---     I think everything I said was rather random. [12:50] ---     It's world-shaking. [12:51] ---     Kyon always went after the strange girls... [12:55] ---     Don't talk with such undertones. [12:57] ---     I'd like to hear it too. [13:00] ---     Miss Suzumiya never replies,     no matter how much I talk. [13:04] ---     How could we chat?     Are there any good tips? [13:07] ---     I dunno. [13:10] ---     But I'm relieved. [13:11] ---     I'd be troubled if she was     always alone in this class. [13:16] ---     It's good she made at least one friend. [13:18] ---     Friend, huh... [13:21] ---     Keep it up so that she can     be a part of the class too. [13:25] ---     We're in the same class,     so we want to get along, right? [13:29] ---     Please. [13:30] ---     Even so... [13:32] ---     If there's anything to tell her,     we'll have you tell her. [13:38] ---     Now, wait. I'm not her spokesman or anything. [13:43] ---     Please. [13:53] ---     Kyon, we're friends, right? [13:56] ---     They're all idiots. [13:58] ---     We're changing seats.     I picked a number from the Gaufre can... [14:03] ---     ...for a nice position,     the second-to-last window seat. [14:07] ---     Farewell, Haruhi... forever. [14:11] ---     This is a coincidence, right? [14:13] ---     Is it true you tried every single club? [14:16] ---     Let me know if there's an interesting club. [14:20] ---     None at all. [14:21] ---     Instant reply. [14:23] ---     At all. [14:24] ---     It seems she likes to say "at all" a lot. [14:27] ---     I thought it'd improve a bit in high school... [14:30] ---     ...but it's no different     from the forced schooling. [14:34] ---     Did I enter the wrong school? [14:36] ---     I wonder what her school-picking criteria are. [14:39] ---     There was a mystery research club. [14:41] ---     How was it? [14:43] ---     Laughable. [14:44] ---     They said they never really     encountered a real case. [14:48] ---     They were just mystery-novel     otakus with no supersleuths. [14:52] ---     Of course. [14:54] ---     The supernatural phenomenon     research club looked good... [14:57] ---     ...but they were just occult maniacs.     What do you think? [15:01] ---     Nothing either way. [15:03] ---     It's so boring! [15:04] ---     With so many, you'd think     there'd be a few strange clubs. [15:08] ---     You can't help it. [15:10] ---     In the end, humans have to be     satisfied with what's given them. [15:15] ---     If I may say so, those who can't do that... [15:18] ---     ...make inventions and discoveries     that progress society. [15:21] ---     Making planes since they wanted to fly... [15:24] ---     ...and cars and trains     since they wanted easy travel. [15:28] ---     But that was because     some humans used wit or imagination... [15:33] ---     In other words, genius made it possible. [15:36] ---     We common folk find it best     to spend life in common ways. [15:40] ---     Shut up! [15:45] ---     Perhaps this conversation     was what sparked the idea. [15:50] ---     It came suddenly. [15:58] ---     What are you doing? [15:59] ---     I got it! [16:00] ---     What? [16:01] ---     Why didn't I realize     such a simple thing till now? [16:05] ---     What? [16:06] ---     If there isn't one, I just make my own! [16:08] ---     What, I ask? [16:10] ---     A club! [16:15] ---     Got it. Well, just calm down. [16:17] ---     What's with that reaction?     Be happier about this discovery too. [16:22] ---     We're in class. [16:33] ---     Help me out. [16:35] ---     I feel like I'm being shaken down. [16:38] ---     With what? [16:39] ---     Making my new club. [16:41] ---     Why do I have to help     with something you thought up? [16:45] ---     Answer that first. [16:46] ---     I'll get a room and some members... [16:49] ---     ...so you get the school paperwork done. [16:50] ---     She's not listening. [16:52] ---     What club will you make? [16:55] ---     That doesn't matter. [16:57] ---     For now, we're just making one. Got it? [16:59] ---     Research it before school ends.     I'll find a clubroom. [17:04] ---     Got that? [17:06] ---     Rules of creating a new extracurricular group... [17:10] ---     At least five members,     an advising teacher, a name... [17:14] ---     ...person in charge, and the group's purpose. [17:17] ---     I didn't have to research.     It was in back of the student handbook. [17:21] ---     But I bet what Haruhi's thinking of doing... [17:25] ---     ...won't be fit for an imaginative     yet energetic school life. [17:31] ---     H-Hold on a bit... [17:34] ---     This is our clubroom from now on! [17:36] ---     Wait a minute. Where are we? [17:39] ---     The culture department's clubroom wing. [17:41] ---     The art club and wind ensemble     have art and music rooms, right? [17:46] ---     Clubs and groups without special     classrooms have rooms here... [17:50] ---     ...the clubroom wing AKA the old building.     The literature club's here. [17:55] ---     Literature Club [17:55] ---     Then it's theirs. [17:57] ---     But their seniors graduated     last spring, so zero members. [18:01] ---     It's the only club that'll disappear     if new members don't join. [18:05] ---     And this girl is a new freshman member. [18:09] ---     Then it's not on hiatus. [18:11] ---     Same difference. She's the only one. [18:14] ---     What about her? [18:16] ---     She doesn't mind. [18:18] ---     You sure? [18:19] ---     She said okay when I asked     about the clubroom at lunch. [18:23] ---     She's fine as long as she can read books. [18:27] ---     I agree that she's strange. [18:29] ---     You're one to talk. [18:33] ---     Yuki Nagato. [18:36] ---     Miss Nagato, was it? [18:38] ---     She's turning this into some     unknown club's room. That's fine? [18:43] ---     It's fine. [18:44] ---     But I'm pretty sure that     we'll cause you a lot of trouble. [18:48] ---     Not much. [18:49] ---     You might get kicked out. [18:51] ---     Go ahead. [18:54] ---     Well, there you have it.     So we'll meet in this room after school. [18:59] ---     You'd better show up.     If you don't, it's the death sentence. [19:03] ---     All right... [19:05] ---     I don't want a death sentence. [19:07] ---     First off, members.     We need at least two more people. [19:11] ---     What, that literature club     member is in the head count? [19:16] ---     Is she assuming that girl comes with the room? [19:19] ---     Don't worry. I'll get them soon.     I have leads on random people. [19:25] ---     The next day. [19:27] ---     Go ahead without me! [19:30] ---     As for me... I had no choice. [19:33] ---     I found myself heading     over to the clubroom. [19:35] ---     Literature Club [19:37] ---     What are you reading? [19:40] ---     Is it interesting? [19:45] ---     Unique. [19:46] ---     Which part? [19:49] ---     All. [19:50] ---     You really like books. [19:55] ---     Pretty much. [19:56] ---     I see... [19:59] ---     Can I go home? [20:04] ---     Oh, sorry. I'm late. [20:06] ---     She took a while to grab. [20:08] ---     It was another girl. [20:10] ---     What is this? [20:10] ---     A really pretty girl too. [20:13] ---     Where am I? [20:14] ---     Why was I brought here? [20:19] ---     Why are you l-locking it? [20:21] ---     What are you... [20:21] ---     Be quiet. [20:24] ---     Let me introduce her. Mikuru Asahina. [20:31] ---     That's it for the introductions? [20:34] ---     Where'd you kidnap her? [20:36] ---     I did no such thing. She came freely. [20:38] ---     Same difference. [20:40] ---     I caught her spacing out     in the juniors' classrooms. [20:43] ---     I walk every inch of     the main building during recess... [20:47] ---     ...so I recalled seeing her a few times. [20:50] ---     I knew she wasn't around     at recess... She was doing that? [20:55] ---     Then she's an upperclassman. [20:57] ---     How's that an issue? [20:59] ---     Oh, well... [21:01] ---     Miss Asahina, was it? Why her of all people? [21:04] ---     Well, just look. [21:08] ---     She's way cute, right? [21:10] ---     Sounds like a dangerous kidnapper. [21:12] ---     I think moe is a pretty     important concept to keep in mind. [21:17] ---     Sorry, what? [21:19] ---     Moe! Moe! [21:20] ---     In other words, a moe aspect. [21:22] ---     Basically, in stories where     strange things happen... [21:26] ---     ...there's always one moe     and Lolita character around. [21:33] ---     That's not all. [21:38] ---     She's short, but she's got     bigger breasts than me! Big breasts! [21:43] ---     This is another key aspect in moe. [21:46] ---     Dunno. [21:46] ---     H-H-Help me! [21:47] ---     Man, they're really huge. [21:49] ---     This is irritating. Such a cute     face, yet hers are bigger! [21:54] ---     Are you dumb? [21:55] ---     But they're way huge! Really! [21:57] ---     Want to feel? [21:59] ---     I'll pass. [22:01] ---     So, what? You brought Miss Asahina here... [22:04] ---     ...just because she's cute,     petite, and well-endowed? [22:09] ---     Right. [22:10] ---     She really is dumb. [22:12] ---     I thought we needed a mascot of sorts. [22:16] ---     Mikuru, are you in any other clubs? [22:19] ---     Um, calligraphy... [22:21] ---     Then quit it. It'll interfere     with our club activities. [22:38] ---     I see. [22:40] ---     I get it. [22:42] ---     What'd she get? [22:43] ---     I'll quit the calligraphy club and join. [22:46] ---     But I'm not really sure     what the literature club does... [22:50] ---     We're not the literature club. [22:53] ---     We're just borrowing this clubroom now. [22:56] ---     You're taking part in     what Suzumiya there is making... [23:00] ---     ...a nameless group with no set activities. [23:03] ---     By the way, the girl sitting there     reading is a real lit club member. [23:08] ---     I see... [23:09] ---     It's all right! I just came up with a name! [23:13] ---     Out with it. [23:15] ---     An announcement. [23:17] ---     The newly formed club's name     has just been decided! [23:22] ---     The SOS Brigade! [23:26] ---     Spreading Excitement      All Over the World... [23:28] ---     ...With Haruhi Suzumiya's Brigade. [23:30] ---     The SOS Brigade for short. [23:33] ---     You can laugh now. [23:35] ---     Normally, it'd be     "Spreading Excitement All Over... [23:38] ---     ...the World With Haruhi     Suzumiya's School Organization." [23:42] ---     But we're not a school organization... [23:45] ---     ...and don't even know what the group does. [23:48] ---     Then "brigade" is good enough. [23:51] ---     With Haruhi's baffling sentence... [23:53] ---     ...it was decided, and there was rejoicing. [23:56] ---     Do what you want, sheesh. [24:06] ---     If we figured out the globe     like we would a riddle... [24:12] ---     ...we could all go anywhere together. [24:15] ---     To the end of time, BOOOON! [24:18] ---     This feeling that is a warp and a loop. [24:22] ---     With an imagination that engulfs     anything and everything, let's play. [24:28] ---     Something on one sunny day,     more fun than any magic possible... [24:33] ---     ...endlessly pours down. It's not impossible. [24:39] ---     When we meet again tomorrow,     we're all humming as we smile. [24:45] ---     Let's gather happiness. Such a thing is so easy. [24:50] ---     Chase after me. Try to catch it. [24:55] ---     A big dream... You like dreams, right?