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E23 - The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya Part Four

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:34] ---
    We're here.
[00:36] ---
    Keep out
[00:37] ---
    Doesn't this mean that we shouldn't go in?
[00:39] ---
    Even a grade school kid
    wouldn't choose this place for a shoot.
[00:43] ---
    Not counting the really crazy ones.
[00:46] ---
    What are you guys doing?
    Hurry up and climb over.
[00:49] ---
    I forgot that she's really crazy.
[00:52] ---
    Hurry up, Mikuru.
[00:58] ---
    This fence is a bit tall to climb over.
[01:02] ---
    Don't you think so?
[01:09] ---
    Huh, I guess it was pretty old.
[01:12] ---
    Are we supposed to be
    playing kappa or something?
[01:16] ---
    This lake didn't have
    a fence around it a long time ago.
[01:18] ---
    People used to fall in a lot.
[01:20] ---
    Thank God they're all so easy-going.
[01:22] ---
    The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
[01:30] ---
    This scene is one where Mikuru
[01:30] ---
    The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya IV
[01:31] ---
    is finally backed into a sticky situation.
[01:35] ---
    Her blue-eyed beam
    has been sealed away by Yuki.
[01:38] ---
    Yeah, this looks good.
    Here, you hold this.
[01:43] ---
    Mikuru, are you ready?
[01:46] ---
    Yes.
[01:47] ---
    Louder!
[01:48] ---
    Yes!
[01:49] ---
    You have my sympathy.
[01:51] ---
    Okay, here we go. Ready...
[01:54] ---
    Action!
[01:57] ---
    S-Something like this won't make me give up!
[02:00] ---
    Y-Yuki, the bad alien...
[02:03] ---
    ...leave the earth now
    in a mysterious manner!
[02:07] ---
    Cut!
[02:08] ---
    He is of much precious value.
[02:11] ---
    As part of that,
    we will first take over the earth.
[02:15] ---
    Cut!
[02:16] ---
    I-I won't let you do so!
    I'm willing to risk my life for this!
[02:21] ---
    Cut!
[02:23] ---
    You're starting to get the hang of it,
    aren't you? Keep it up!
[02:27] ---
    Oh yeah, Mikuru, come here a second.
[02:30] ---
    Yes?
[02:33] ---
    It'd be best for us to get out of here
[02:36] ---
    before we become the talk of
    the neighborhood, but...
[02:39] ---
    So this is what video cameras
    are like these days?
[02:41] ---
    Huh... So there's a lot of
    goofy footage of Mikuru in here?
[02:48] ---
    It's nothing to laugh about.
[02:49] ---
    There's a lot of psychologically
    damaging stuff in here.
[02:52] ---
    What'll happen if Miss Asahina
    stops coming to school?
[02:55] ---
    We're back!
[02:56] ---
    And now we're going to get serious about this.
[02:58] ---
    Take a look!
[03:02] ---
    Oh God, what a nightmare.
[03:05] ---
    Are we going to repeat
    what happened yesterday again?
[03:07] ---
    Okay, Mikuru. Make something fantastic,
    it doesn't matter what,
[03:11] ---
    come out of the
    Miracle Mikuru Eye R and attack!
[03:15] ---
    M-M-Miss Nagato--
[03:18] ---
    Hey, Yuki! You're supposed to be a witch!
[03:22] ---
    You don't need to
    do any pro wrestling here...
[03:24] ---
    Well, I guess this works.
    It'll probably get us some more viewers.
[03:28] ---
    Kyon! Be sure to film this!
    Yuki came up with this idea, after all!
[03:33] ---
    It's not an idea.
[03:35] ---
    Man, but this is risqué... I mean,
    I don't mean to film this at all, but...
[03:39] ---
    Center the target and press the record--
    No, I mustn't. I mustn't!
[03:49] ---
    Leave the earth now!
[03:52] ---
    Oh man, we lost another contact.
[03:55] ---
    I was careless.
[03:56] ---
    I had made it so that she could
    not fire off lasers anymore.
[04:00] ---
    This time it was
    a high frequency molecular cutter.
[04:07] ---
    It looks like monofilament.
[04:10] ---
    Umm... this time...
    what did you inject into me?
[04:18] ---
    I modulated the phase of
    your dimensional vibratory cycle,
[04:21] ---
    and generated a force field
    on the surface of your body
[04:24] ---
    capable of transposing gravitational waves.
[04:27] ---
    I see. So it's been dealt with for now.
[04:31] ---
    I have no idea what that means.
[04:33] ---
    As for the fence, the others seem to
    accept the idea that it's old and decrepit.
[04:37] ---
    And thankfully, nothing
    more important got damaged.
[04:41] ---
    But what do we do?
[04:42] ---
    I have the feeling that if we keep shooting,
    something tragic is going to happen.
[04:47] ---
    Even so, we can't stop filming.
[04:50] ---
    What do you think Miss Suzumiya will do
    if we try to force a stop to the filming?
[04:56] ---
    Who knows?
[04:57] ---
    I'm sure there will be some violence.
[04:59] ---
    At the very least,
    from the Colossi in closed spaces.
[05:04] ---
    Right now, Miss Suzumiya is having
    so much fun that she can't help herself.
[05:09] ---
    After all, she gets to act like God.
[05:12] ---
    Miss Suzumiya is using
    the medium of film to re-create a world.
[05:18] ---
    Man, but what a selfish woman.
[05:20] ---
    Of course, Miss Suzumiya doesn't realize this.
[05:24] ---
    She thinks that she's
    only creating a fictional world.
[05:28] ---
    But I think that her passion is
    subconsciously affecting the real world.
[05:36] ---
    It's just fiction!
[05:37] ---
    Either way, we get a bad ending.
[05:41] ---
    If we have to choose one over the other,
    I would go with continuing.
[05:48] ---
    Even if Miss Asahina turns into Superwoman?
[05:52] ---
    Compared to a Colossi appearing,
    it would be a small price to pay.
[05:55] ---
    Doesn't it seem that it would
    be simpler to deal with
[05:59] ---
    a single occurrence
    of an abnormal phenomenon
[06:02] ---
    rather than have the whole world
    rebuilt from scratch?
[06:06] ---
    It's all about the same to me.
[06:09] ---
    How about we hit Haruhi from behind
[06:11] ---
    and keep her unconscious
    until the school festival is over?
[06:15] ---
    That's a frightening thought.
[06:18] ---
    Although if you took full responsibility
    for it, I wouldn't stop you.
[06:26] ---
    The weight of the world
    weighs too heavily on my shoulders.
[06:30] ---
    I'll be all right. I'll find a way to deal with it.
[06:38] ---
    I feel so unworthy of her selflessness.
[06:41] ---
    These are your roles!
[06:43] ---
    In other words, because Mikuru
    is a hero, she can't hurt normal people.
[06:47] ---
    Yuki knows this,
[06:47] ---
    Mikuru Yuki
[06:47] ---
    Normal people
[06:49] ---
    and uses her magic to control
    some normal people to attack her.
[06:51] ---
    And so Mikuru, unable to
    defend herself, gets beaten up.
[06:56] ---
    So Mikuru gets beat up, huh?
[06:58] ---
    First, throw Mikuru into the lake.
[07:04] ---
    Hold on, into this lake? It might
    be warm, but it's still autumn.
[07:08] ---
    And I couldn't call that water clean,
    even if I was trying to whitewash it.
[07:11] ---
    M-M-Miss Suzumiya, could we
    at least use a heated pool or...
[07:15] ---
    This is a pretty harsh shoot.
[07:18] ---
    But Mikuru, in order to get the realism
    we're aiming for, we have to pay this price!
[07:25] ---
    And this is an obstacle that
    you have to overcome, Mikuru!
[07:29] ---
    This is a chance for you to
    take a big step up as an actress!
[07:32] ---
    Do you understand? Now go get ready!
[07:34] ---
    Hey!
[07:46] ---
    U-Umm...
[07:47] ---
    I'll do it!
[07:49] ---
    That's great, Mikuru!
[07:51] ---
    And that's why I chose you
    to be in the brigade!
[07:56] ---
    Miss Asahina...
[07:57] ---
    One, two... three!
[08:03] ---
    Lord have mercy.
[08:04] ---
    What's wrong? Please hold on to me.
[08:12] ---
    Good grief.
[08:14] ---
    We have enough useless crap to open
    a street shop, but not a single towel?
[08:19] ---
    What's up with that?
[08:20] ---
    Well, I guess this works
    as the scene where they meet.
[08:23] ---
    The sense of awkwardness between
    Itsuki and Mikuru is pretty apparent.
[08:26] ---
    Really? It just seemed like
    Koizumi being his usual self to me.
[08:31] ---
    Now it's time for the next step.
[08:33] ---
    We're going to shoot the scene
    where Itsuki, having rescued Mikuru,
[08:35] ---
    takes her back to his own house.
[08:39] ---
    Hold on. That doesn't connect at all.
[08:42] ---
    What happened to Nagato
    or Taniguchi and the others?
[08:45] ---
    The audience won't believe it
    without some sort of explanation.
[08:48] ---
    Oh, be quiet. They'll get it,
    even if we don't shoot the scene.
[08:53] ---
    Why you... Did you just want to see
    Miss Asahina dumped into the lake?
[08:57] ---
    Hey, my house is nearby, and since it
    looks like Mikuru might catch a cold,
[09:03] ---
    would it be okay to get her
    a change of clothes?
[09:05] ---
    That's perfect!
[09:07] ---
    Can we use your place, Tsuru?
[09:09] ---
    We can shoot the scene where
    they get friendly with each other!
[09:13] ---
    Yeah, that's cool. Use my place!
[09:15] ---
    What about us?
[09:17] ---
    You can go home.
[09:20] ---
    Good for you, you've been let go.
[09:22] ---
    It looks like you're about as important
    to Haruhi as BBs that have been fired.
[09:27] ---
    But that's a pretty happy thing to be.
[09:30] ---
    Okay, this is my place.
[09:32] ---
    It's huge.
[09:35] ---
    What kind of evil things do I
    have to do to live in a place like this?
[09:40] ---
    Okay, this is my room. Wait here
    until Mikuru gets out of the bath.
[09:44] ---
    I feel like my bedroom
    was made for a cat compared to this.
[09:48] ---
    This is a nice room. It's a perfect location.
[09:51] ---
    Oh, yeah. Tsuru, I just thought of something...
[10:03] ---
    Sorry to keep you waiting!
[10:06] ---
    Thank you.
[10:07] ---
    I'm sorry I'm late.
[10:10] ---
    Here you go.
[10:12] ---
    Thank you very much.
[10:12] ---
    I'm really being tested by my reason here.
[10:15] ---
    Miss Asahina, that outfit is absolutely criminal.
[10:17] ---
    Here you go. Drink up.
[10:21] ---
    Thanks.
[10:22] ---
    Thank you very much.
[10:26] ---
    Seeing her drink is another
    direct hit to my libido.
[10:29] ---
    Okay, let's get started.
[10:31] ---
    And so we start shooting.
[10:33] ---
    Koizumi carries Miss Asahina, who is
    feigning unconsciousness, into his room.
[10:38] ---
    He lays her on the futon which is
    already spread out for some reason,
[10:41] ---
    and tucks her in.
[10:43] ---
    Mikuru, wake up now.
[10:46] ---
    Are you awake?
[10:50] ---
    Yes, umm... where is this?
[10:54] ---
    This is my room.
[10:55] ---
    Thank you very much.
[10:57] ---
    She seems awfully sexy. Is that acting?
[11:00] ---
    Bring your faces closer together, you two!
[11:03] ---
    Mikuru, close your eyes!
    Koizumi, put your arm around her!
[11:08] ---
    All right, now push her down and kiss her!
[11:19] ---
    Hold on just a second!
[11:22] ---
    This is going too far. In so many ways.
[11:23] ---
    More importantly,
    why is this scene even happening?
[11:25] ---
    What is this?
[11:27] ---
    It's a love scene.
[11:28] ---
    This is what you put in
    to fill in time in movies.
[11:31] ---
    Are you stupid? What is this,
    a two-hour prime time drama?
[11:35] ---
    And Koizumi, why are you getting all into it?
[11:38] ---
    If we showed this at the school festival,
    your shoebox would be stuffed
[11:41] ---
    with hundreds of letters
    cursing you the next day.
[11:44] ---
    I'd put one in, too!
[11:47] ---
    Mikuru, you're so strange!
[11:49] ---
    I'd like to say she's not...
    but she is acting strange.
[11:53] ---
    Her eyes look dull and her cheeks are flushed.
[11:56] ---
    And she looks like she'd
    let Koizumi do anything he wants.
[11:59] ---
    This is not funny.
[12:01] ---
    Koizumi... my head feels heavy...
[12:05] ---
    Geez, has someone
    slipped her some kind of drug?
[12:12] ---
    I'm sorry! I mixed some
    sweet sake into her juice.
[12:16] ---
    I was told that it might open up
    her range as an actress.
[12:23] ---
    You shouldn't just slip something
    like that into a person's drink.
[12:25] ---
    Why not? Mikuru's so sexy right now.
[12:28] ---
    Don't mind him, just kiss her.
    On the mouth, of course.
[12:33] ---
    Don't do it, Koizumi!
[12:39] ---
    Director, this is a bit much for me.
[12:43] ---
    And it looks like
    Miss Asahina's at her limit.
[12:47] ---
    I'm all wight!
[12:51] ---
    Oh geez.
[12:56] ---
    I can't believe that you're getting
    this drunk off of sweet sake.
[13:00] ---
    You're the one that made her drink it.
[13:02] ---
    Come on, snap out of it.
[13:08] ---
    That reaction's no good.
[13:10] ---
    You need to at least straighten out
    your back when you get hit on the head.
[13:15] ---
    Okay, one more time.
[13:17] ---
    Practice.
[13:30] ---
    Cut it out!
[13:32] ---
    How is this practice? How is this
    going to be used in the movie?
[13:35] ---
    Hey, don't stop me.
[13:37] ---
    There's no need for me
    to tell you when this will be used.
[13:42] ---
    You probably haven't even thought of it.
    Stop making excuses.
[13:48] ---
    Stop making assumptions.
[13:50] ---
    You don't know what's going to be
    in the movie, so stop being so selfish!
[13:53] ---
    You're the one being selfish.
    You're just hitting her because you want to.
[13:57] ---
    You don't have the right.
[13:59] ---
    Shut up. What do you know?
    This is a vital part of my movie!
[14:06] ---
    Vital to who? This is stupid.
    Miss Asahina is not your toy.
[14:11] ---
    I decided it was! And Mikuru is my toy!
[14:34] ---
    Wha--
[14:35] ---
    What's with you?!
    What don't you like about this?
[14:38] ---
    You just have to do what I tell you!
[14:41] ---
    I'm the brigade leader! I'm the director!
[14:48] ---
    In any case... I won't allow any insubordination!
[14:58] ---
    Let me go, Koizumi.
[15:00] ---
    It doesn't matter if it's a person or an animal.
[15:01] ---
    When they won't listen, you need to
    scold them with a good smack.
[15:04] ---
    If I don't, then she'll end up being
    a crazy person that everyone avoids.
[15:09] ---
    Prease stop.
[15:13] ---
    You mustn't fight... if you do...
[15:17] ---
    Oh, this is classified information...
[15:32] ---
    I'm sorry, Kyon. I got carried away.
[15:38] ---
    Don't worry about Mikuru.
[15:40] ---
    I'll take her home later,
    or she'll stay here for the night.
[15:47] ---
    I thought you were a more rational person.
[15:51] ---
    So did I.
[15:53] ---
    It doesn't look like
    any closed spaces have appeared.
[15:56] ---
    It appears that Miss Suzumiya's
    subconscious was able to control itself.
[16:00] ---
    Good for you,
    I'm glad you had less work to do.
[16:02] ---
    By the way, there's a place
    I'd like to take you to.
[16:07] ---
    And if I said no?
[16:09] ---
    This won't take much time.
[16:14] ---
    Do you remember
    what Miss Suzumiya said yesterday?
[16:17] ---
    How am I supposed to remember
    all of her random comments?
[16:22] ---
    You'll remember when you see this.
[16:25] ---
    They were already this way this morning.
[16:33] ---
    Did someone paint them or something?
[16:35] ---
    There's no mistaking it. These pigeons
    all have their natural feathers.
[16:39] ---
    I guess they were really scared
    by the gunfire yesterday.
[16:43] ---
    Even if that were the case,
[16:45] ---
    do you think this is
    what would actually happen?
[16:48] ---
    Yeah, I know.
[16:49] ---
    I'd love it if these pigeons
    were all completely white.
[16:52] ---
    In this case, I'll let the color slide.
[16:55] ---
    She hasn't let it slide at all.
[16:57] ---
    This is what I think.
[16:59] ---
    I think that Miss Suzumiya is a special person
[17:01] ---
    that someone has granted godlike powers to.
[17:05] ---
    The fact that Miss Suzumiya is part of
    this world of ours is proof of that.
[17:12] ---
    That's surprising.
[17:14] ---
    And didn't you say that
    "Haruhi is God" or something?
[17:18] ---
    Oh, is that so?
[17:20] ---
    Don't mess with me.
[17:22] ---
    I'm kidding.
[17:24] ---
    Miss Suzumiya is she who can create the world
[17:27] ---
    and at the same time,
    the one who can destroy it.
[17:30] ---
    This reality of ours might be a failure.
[17:35] ---
    And the one with the job
    of fixing this failed world
[17:38] ---
    might just be the one we call Haruhi Suzumiya.
[17:41] ---
    All right, and?
[17:43] ---
    If that's the case,
    then we might be the ones mistaken
[17:46] ---
    about the fact that there is
    no proof at all that Miss Suzumiya
[17:48] ---
    has used her powers up until now.
[17:52] ---
    Hmph. And?
[17:54] ---
    The problem is those of us
    who might be mistaken about that.
[17:58] ---
    When the world is remade into
    its proper form by Miss Suzumiya,
[18:02] ---
    will we still be able to be part of that world?
[18:07] ---
    Or will we be considered
    bugs in the system and eliminated?
[18:10] ---
    I don't know.
[18:12] ---
    It's just... I quite like this world of ours.
[18:18] ---
    From ages past until modern times,
[18:20] ---
    this world has been built, piece by piece,
    by so many different people.
[18:24] ---
    I don't want it to fall apart.
[18:28] ---
    And that's why I try to
    do what I can about Miss Suzumiya.
[18:32] ---
    I wonder if this world is worth all that.
[18:35] ---
    Oh, I thought that you felt it was.
[18:38] ---
    Which is why you came back from
    the closed space, but... was I wrong?
[18:46] ---
    Well, I wonder.
[18:53] ---
    It's not like me to talk like this.
[18:56] ---
    I'm making it sound like we're
    protecting the world. I apologize.
[19:19] ---
    It looks like Miss Suzumiya is
    too busy feeling dejected to be angry.
[19:25] ---
    Oh, why's that?
[19:27] ---
    I thought you would know...
    Okay, I'll explain.
[19:32] ---
    Miss Suzumiya thought that
    no matter what happened,
[19:35] ---
    you would always be on her side.
[19:38] ---
    That no matter how much you complained,
[19:39] ---
    you alone would always forgive her.
[19:42] ---
    The only one that could
    forgive her is a martyred saint.
[19:46] ---
    Could you say something
    to Miss Suzumiya to cheer her up?
[19:50] ---
    If you don't,
    she might continue to get depressed,
[19:52] ---
    then something far worse
    than the closed spaces might occur.
[19:57] ---
    I can't even imagine how the world
    might react to a depressed Miss Suzumiya.
[20:02] ---
    So you're telling me to cheer her up?
[20:05] ---
    You just need to get back with her again.
[20:07] ---
    There was never a "with her" to begin with.
[20:11] ---
    Oh, I thought that your head
    had cooled off by now,
[20:16] ---
    but I guess I was wrong.
[20:18] ---
    The reason I was so angry yesterday
    was because my kind heart
[20:21] ---
    couldn't bear to watch the cruel things
    happening to Miss Asahina.
[20:25] ---
    But that can't be the only reason.
[20:27] ---
    I might have just been suffering
    from a calcium deficiency.
[20:31] ---
    After drinking around
    a liter of milk before going to bed,
[20:35] ---
    I was strangely calm.
[20:38] ---
    That might just be a placebo effect, though.
[20:42] ---
    "Movie," what a joke.
    That was a waste of my day.
[20:44] ---
    Now, now.
[20:45] ---
    He wanted to hang out
    with you guys and Miss Suzumiya more.
[20:49] ---
    He even cancelled his other plans.
[20:51] ---
    Don't tell him that, you jerk.
[20:53] ---
    In any case.
[20:54] ---
    I'm never going to get involved with
    any of those stupid projects anymore.
[20:57] ---
    A movie? As if.
[20:59] ---
    It'll just end up as garbage. That's for sure.
[21:04] ---
    You're the last person I want to hear that from.
[21:07] ---
    Even if he didn't say that, I could imagine it.
[21:10] ---
    Even so, hearing that from him pisses me off.
[21:14] ---
    At least Haruhi is doing something
    for the school festival.
[21:17] ---
    She's trying to be involved.
    But what about you?
[21:20] ---
    Even if it is stupid, at least Haruhi's
    trying to make something.
[21:24] ---
    All you're doing is
    sitting there and complaining.
[21:26] ---
    Man, that pisses me off.
[21:30] ---
    Now, I wonder why that pisses me off...
[21:33] ---
    Have I suddenly found
    the passion to make movies?
[21:39] ---
    What's wrong, Kyon?
[21:41] ---
    Miss Suzumiya seems upset, too...
    Did something happen?
[21:44] ---
    Maybe they had a lovers' spat.
[21:49] ---
    Oh, I see. I'm at Haruhi's
    beck and call, even if I grumble about it.
[21:55] ---
    What pisses me off, in other words,
[21:57] ---
    is the fact that there's
    no difference between the me who
[21:59] ---
    got pissed off at what Taniguchi said,
    and Taniguchi himself.
[22:02] ---
    Dammit.
[22:03] ---
    Taniguchi, you bastard. Thanks to you,
    I've come to a weird realization.
[22:08] ---
    Dammit... Now I have to
    do something that I'm sure I'll regret.
[22:12] ---
    Dammit! Dammit!
[22:23] ---
    Hey, Haruhi.
[22:26] ---
    What?
[22:29] ---
    Let's finish this film, no matter what.
[22:41] ---
    Of course. I'm the director, after all!
[22:46] ---
    It's a given that it'll be finished.
    You don't have to tell me that.
[22:51] ---
    Man, but she's straightforward...
[22:53] ---
    Well, if it would be strange to see
    an unhappy Haruhi, then this is better.
[22:58] ---
    Here we go!
[23:04] ---
    Wasn't there anything else
    you could have said to her?
[23:07] ---
    I'm sorry.
[23:09] ---
    She's not just back to how she was,
    now she's even more powerful.
[23:13] ---
    I'm sorry.
[23:15] ---
    There's no way we'll
    be able to cover this up now.
[23:21] ---
    Oh, but this works out so well!
[23:23] ---
    I was just thinking that I wanted
    a scene with cherry blossoms.
[23:26] ---
    What great timing for some strange weather!
[23:30] ---
    Okay, now take your victory pose!
[23:34] ---
    Oh yeah! Let's get a cat!
[23:36] ---
    A cat?
[23:37] ---
    A witch needs a familiar.
    And a cat would be the best fit for that!
[23:42] ---
    Is there a black cat around here somewhere?
[23:44] ---
    Wasn't Nagato originally
    set to be an evil alien?
[23:47] ---
    Never mind that, we need a cat!
    That's how it's set in my mind now.
[23:52] ---
    Hey Yuki, do you know anyplace
    with lots of cats? Strays are okay.
[24:04] ---
    It fell from the sky
[24:07] ---
    With all of the wishes that were made upon it
[24:10] ---
    Maybe it was a little too heavy for a single star
[24:15] ---
    Something just doesn't seem right
[24:17] ---
    The image of you in my mind has vanished
[24:20] ---
    Can I say that I remember you clearly?
[24:24] ---
    Stop!
[24:26] ---
    The past belongs to me
[24:30] ---
    Of course I don't want
    to trade it with anyone else

[24:34] ---
    That's because
[24:36] ---
    It was my birthday,
    and when we saw each other

[24:41] ---
    We could see the first dream
[24:44] ---
    That we had when we were born
[24:46] ---
    Worrying about "what do I do?"
[24:51] ---
    Is laughable when I think about it now
[24:55] ---
    I've already forgotten it
[24:59] ---
    Let's search for you