E8 - Sightseeing in This Pitiful City!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] K
    A chicken race.
[00:03] K
    A game of speed in which
    competitors charge at an obstacle
[00:06] K
    at full speed, dodging only at the last second,
[00:09] K
    to demonstrate courage.
[00:12] K
    And right now, she has been chosen as
    the obstacle in this dangerous game.
[00:17] D
    Oh, boy! Here they come, here they come!
[00:20] D
    K-Kazuma, this time...
    this time I'm surely done for!
[00:23] D
    Oh, they're gonna ram me!
[00:35] D
    Kazuma! Do you suppose this
    counts as a type of teasing?
[00:38] D
    This sensation of almost being
    struck is quite something!
[00:41] D
    Unbelievable. Males in heat are
    leaping over me, one after another!
[00:47] K
    Stop it! There are people watching!
    Don't say another word!
SIGN    KONOSUBA!
    God's Blessing on this Wonderful World! 2
SIGN    Episode 8 Sightseeing in This Pitiful City!
[02:21] A
    Blessing!
[02:25] D
    Oh, don't bother with me!
[02:30] K
    We shouldn't need to worry
    about Darkness now.
[02:32] A
    All thanks to my Blessing!
[02:34] K
    Yeah, yeah.
[02:35] K
    When we're done here, you can have my seat.
[02:37] A
    Yes!
[02:39] Advs
    Lightning!
[02:40] Advs
    Blade of Wind!
[02:42] Advs
    Fireball!
[02:57] K
    They're still coming?!
[02:58] D
    All right!
[03:02] K
    Pops, are there any cliffs around here?!
[03:04] Driver
    Nothing of the sort!
[03:06] Driver
    Closest thing is a cave we use
    for shelter from the heat!
[03:09] K
    A cave? That works! Take us there!
[03:11] K
    Megumin, Aqua! Get in the wagon!
[03:14] K
    Come on, Darkness—
[03:16] K
    So heavy... Can't lift...
[03:18] D
    Don't say I'm heavy!
[03:21] D
    You have to specify that
    my armor is too heavy!
[03:24] D
    Just tie me to the wagon with
    a rope and drag me along.
[03:28] D
    It's an emergency! No way around it!
[03:30] D
    Don't hold back! You have no choice!
[03:33] Driver
    Sir, you'd better hurry!
[03:35] Driver
    We can't wait much longer!
[03:37] K
    Let me know if it's too much, Darkness!
[03:39] K
    We'll let you loose!
[03:41] D
    Being tied to a cart and dragged by horses...
[03:44] D
    Not only that, but while in that state,
    I'll be chased by a bunch of lus—
[04:00] D
    Kazuma! This is good! So good!
[04:01] D
    Don't yell my name in that context!
[04:02] D
    It's a new discovery,
    being treated as luggage like this!
[04:05] A
    I knew you were a brute, Kazuma,
    but this might be going too far...
[04:11] K
    I-It wasn't my idea! It was Darkness!
[04:14] Driver
    Sir, they're gonna catch us at this rate!
[04:19] K
    Crap! Pops, how far to the cave?
[04:21] Driver
    Need more time!
[04:22] Both
    We're done for!
[04:24] Wiz
    Bottomless Swamp!
[04:32] K
    Thanks, Wiz!
[04:37] D
    For a noble to be in such
    a disheveled state...
[04:41] D
    No! Stop it! Don't look, Kazuma!
[04:43] D
    Don't look at the seedy sight
    of me being treated so roughly!
[04:48] A
    Heal! Heal! Heal! Heal! Heal!
[04:51] A
    Darkness! Hang in there!
[04:53] M
    Kazuma! The cave is within sight!
[04:56] M
    I'm ready to fire my magic anytime!
[04:58] K
    All right!
[04:59] K
    Pops, stop the wagon to the
    side of the cave's opening!
[05:02] Driver
    Okay!
[05:03] K
    Aqua, I need support magic
    to boost my strength!
[05:06] A
    Got it!
[05:07] A
    Powered!
[05:12] K
    Snipe! Snipe! Snipe! Snipe!
[05:26] K
    I see...
[05:28] K
    And I was starting to
    wonder just what made
[05:30] K
    these Running Hawk Kites
    "kites" of any kind.
[05:32] K
    That clears it up.
[05:33] Driver
    Hang on tight, folks!
[05:36] K
    Got it!
[06:01] D
    Not bad! This treatment isn't bad at all!
[06:03] D
    I should've expected as much from Kazuma!
    Roughed up and then used as monster bait—
[06:12] K
    Megumin!
[06:13] M
    Explosion!
[06:28] Chef
    Now, everyone, eat up!
[06:30] Chef
    This turned out great, so help yourself!
[06:32] Chef
    I have to say, that was impressive!
[06:34] Chef
    To think you had a magic user powerful
    enough to use explosion magic!
[06:38] Chef
    And an arch priest able to treat all
    the injured with no trouble!
[06:43] Chef
    Facing down that pack of Running Hawk Kites
[06:46] Chef
    without backing down, all on her own!
    Such a courageous crusader!
[06:49] Chef
    And being able to used advanced magic
    to slow them down with that swamp magic!
[06:52] Chef
    Not to mention the inspired decision to
    lure the enemy into the cave so that
[06:57] Chef
    they could be dealt with all at once!
[06:59] Chef
    I am quite impressed!
[07:01] K
    Please stop, seriously.
[07:03] K
    It's not like that at all. This is our fault.
[07:06] Chef
    This is just to show my
    gratitude. Here, please.
[07:09] K
    No, no, no, no! It's totally fine! Really!
[07:12] Chef
    What are you saying?
[07:14] Chef
    It was your group that defeated
    the Running Hawk Kites!
[07:17] K
    As adventurers, it's only natural
    we contribute to the battle.
[07:20] Chef
    Remarkable!
[07:22] Chef
    To think that true adventurers like you
    people still exist in this harsh world!
[07:28] K
    I can't accept a reward
    for a problem we caused!
[07:31] K
    KONOSUBA!
[07:33] Advs
    Can you pull it off?!
[07:42] A
    Thank you, thank you!
[07:59] K
    You guys are making this very awkward.
[08:02] M
    Nah, I was just impressed
    with how well you were doing.
[08:05] D
    Something about seeing my
    armor being repaired first-hand
[08:09] D
    is exciting to watch.
[08:11] K
    I'm glad the smithing skills I learned
    for product development came in handy.
[08:16] Crowd
    Again! Do that trick again!
[08:18] Crowd
    I'll pay if I have to!
    So please, one more time!
[08:22] K
    She could probably make a living
    doing this sort of thing.
[08:42] K
    Hey, wake up, Megumin! Something's weird!
[08:48] K
    Hey! Megumin, Wiz, wake up!
[08:51] K
    Otherwise I'm gonna do something that'll
    make it hard to look me in the eye...
[08:54] K
    You don't mind? It's fine, then?
[08:56] D
    Of course it's not!
[08:57] D
    What were you going to do?
[09:00] K
    Hey, don't scare me like that!
[09:02] K
    I was about to do something
    crazy in front of you!
[09:05] D
    Seriously, what were you going to do?
[09:08] D
    No, that's not important now.
[09:10] Crowd
    Hey, there's something out there!
[09:12] Crowd
    Everyone, wake up!
[09:17] K
    And... Foresight.
[09:23] K
    There's a lot of them!
    But they're moving stiffly...
[09:36] K
    Handle things here! I'll get Aqua!
[09:39] K
    Now's our chance to pay everyone back!
[09:41] K
    After the trouble we caused when the Running
    Hawk Kites were attracted to Darkness—
[09:47] A
    What is this?! Why am I surrounded
    by undead the second I wake up?!
[09:50] A
    Kazuma-san! Kazuma-san!
[09:53] K
    Wait. Is this...
[09:57] A
    Trying to attack us while we sleep?!
    Pretty sneaky of you, undead!
[10:00] A
    Oh, wandering souls, rest in peace!
[10:03] A
    Turn Undead!
[10:18] D
    Hang in there, Wiz!
[10:19] D
    Someone! Wiz is...
[10:20] Crowd
    Amazing! She got all those zombies at once!
[10:23] Crowd
    Awesome!
[10:24] K
    I'm sorry.
[10:27] A
    Your luck ran out when you ran into me!
[10:29] A
    Now, I'll purify every last one of you!
[10:33] K
    I'm sorry.
[10:34] Crowd
    Such a beautiful priest!
[10:37] Crowd
    She's like a goddess!
[10:39] Crowd
    She's from that crusader's party!
[10:42] K
    I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[10:44] K
    I'm so sorry for everything
    my friends keep causing.
[10:47] Crowd
    It's pretty rare to see a
    pack of attacking zombies.
[10:50] Crowd
    Good thing we had that priest with us!
[10:54] K
    I'm sorry.
[10:56] K
    If our goddess wasn't here,
[10:57] K
    these zombies probably wouldn't
    have shown up in the first place.
[11:02] A
    Well, Kazuma? Was that goddess-like or what?
[11:05] A
    I have to say, I have been
    really nailing it lately!
[11:08] A
    It wouldn't kill you to
    make an offering, y'know!
[11:12] Guy
    Wow, you've saved us again!
[11:15] Guy
    This time, please, accept this reward!
[11:18] K
    I'm sorry! We absolutely can not accept!
[11:23] YY
    Can you wrap this up as a gift?
[11:25] Butcher
    Sure thing.
[11:27] YY
    E-Excuse me!
[11:29] YY
    W-We're finally going to duel today, Megumin!
[11:32] YY
    This is just a little something from me!
    You can all enjoy it together!
[11:37] YY
    H-Hello?
[11:47] A
    Hey, look over there!
[12:07] A
    We're here! The city of water
    and hot springs, Arcanretia!
[12:26] K
    Wow! Elves and dwarves!
[12:29] K
    Now this is really fantastical!
[12:32] D
    The scenery is completely
    different from Axel...
[12:37] D
    And the air is so clean.
[12:39] Vendor
    Steamed buns! Care for a steamed bun?
[12:42] M
    Those are a local specialty, Arcan steamed buns.
[12:45] M
    They're supposed to be quite tasty!
[12:47] K
    I'm impressed you know that, Megumin.
[12:49] M
    Arcanretia is famous among
    adventurers as a health resort.
[12:53] M
    The curative effects of the hot springs
    here are said to be extraordinary!
[12:56] ---
    Yeah?
[12:58] D
    My father took me to several
    different towns in the past,
[13:02] D
    but this place is more
    beautiful than any of them.
[13:05] D
    This should be a good hot springs trip.
[13:08] K
    If they're all like this, maybe we should've
    been visiting different towns all this time.
[13:13] Driver
    Well, enjoy your holiday, folks!
[13:16] K
    Thanks, Pops!
[13:19] M
    Aww... Jarippa.
[13:21] M
    Jarippa is being taken away!
[13:24] K
    She gave something a
    weird name again...
[13:28] A
    Come on, everyone! Where should we go?
[13:30] A
    You can ask me anything you
    need to know about this town!
[13:32] A
    After all, this town is the home of
    the Axis Church, which I've blessed!
[13:38] K
    As in... the Axis cult
    that's full of weirdos?
[13:41] K
    And this is town is its home?
[13:44] K
    That explains why Aqua wanted to come here.
[13:49] Crowd
    Welcome to Arcanretia!
[13:51] Crowd
    Are you tourists? Converts?
    Adventurers? Pilgrims?
[13:55] Crowd
    If you've come looking for work,
    might I recommend the Axis Church?
[13:58] Crowd
    We have a job right now where you can
    get paid just to tell other towns
[14:01] Crowd
    about how wonderful the Axis Church is!
[14:03] Crowd
    If you accept the position,
[14:04] Crowd
    you get the bonus of being able to identify
    yourself as part of the Axis Church!
[14:07] Crowd
    How about it? Please, join us!
[14:10] Crowd
    Such beautiful light blue hair!
[14:13] Crowd
    Is it natural? I'm jealous!
    I'm ever so jealous!
[14:16] Crowd
    Your raiment is just like
    Aqua-sama's, too! It suits you!
[14:20] K
    W-We should probably
    head to an inn for now.
[14:22] D
    R-Right. Good idea.
[14:25] K
    We've already got a priest from
    the Axis cult with us, so...
[14:28] K
    Pardon us!
[14:30] Crowd
    Farewell, comrades! And may
    you have a blessed day!
[14:34] Crowd
    KONOSUBA!
[14:44] V
    Hey!
[14:46] V
    Hey!
[14:55] V
    Come on! Come over here!
[15:01] W
    Where am I?
[15:03] K
    Relax. We're already at Arcanretia.
[15:07] W
    I feel as though I was on the
    edge of a beautiful river,
[15:09] W
    and Verdia-san was happily waving
    to me from the other side...
[15:15] W
    Thank you so much, Kazuma-san.
[15:17] K
    You should thank Darkness, not me.
[15:19] D
    I'm glad you've made it back.
[15:22] K
    I hope that Aqua hasn't
    caused some new problem.
[15:27] (Flashback) A
    I'm gonna go have some fun at the
    headquarters of the Axis Church!
[15:31] (Flashback) A
    Time to be fawned over for
    being an arch priest!
[15:35] K
    I'm worried.
[15:37] D
    I'm sure it'll be fine.
    Megumin went with her.
[15:41] K
    Really? You think so?
[15:44] W
    I'm fine now,
[15:46] W
    so why don't the two of you
    take a look around town?
[15:48] D
    Let's go, Kazuma. I'd love
    to get a look at the city.
[15:55] D
    Look, Kazuma! There's a fountain!
[15:58] K
    Hey, you're right.
[16:00] D
    This statue of their goddess is beautiful...
[16:03] K
    And a sham.
[16:10] Girl
    My apples...
[16:11] K
    Are you okay?
[16:16] Girl
    Thank you so much!
[16:17] Girl
    You've been a huge help!
[16:20] Girl
    Um...
[16:22] Girl
    Can I do anything to thank you?
[16:26] K
    Huh? Did I just trigger a flag?
[16:33] Girl
    There's a café run by the
    Axis Church just up ahead!
[16:36] Girl
    Why don't we go there and have a chat?
[16:38] K
    I'm good, thanks.
[16:40] Girl
    W-W-Wait a second!
[16:42] Girl
    I'm actually great at telling fortunes!
[16:44] Girl
    Why don't you let me read your future?
[16:46] K
    Th-That's quite all right!
[16:48] K
    Seriously, it's fine!
[16:50] K
    L-Let go!
[16:53] K
    Ow, ow, ow!
[16:54] Girl
    I've seen your future!
[16:56] Girl
    Grave misfortune awaits you!
[16:58] Girl
    But if you convert to the Axis faith,
    your misfortune can be avoided!
[17:01] Girl
    Join us! Why don't you join us?
[17:05] K
    I'm experiencing misfortune
    at this very instant!
[17:07] K
    Hey, let go!
[17:08] K
    Darkness, save me!
[17:10] D
    I'm sorry.
[17:12] D
    I'm actually a believer in the Eris faith.
[17:14] D
    If you want to proselytize to him,
    you'll have to wait until—
[17:27] K
    W-Well, you know how it is.
[17:30] K
    I know that the Axis cult and the
    Eris church don't get along too well...
[17:33] K
    Maybe you should keep your charm hidden.
[17:35] K
    And don't let it bother you too—
[17:38] K
    Are you turned on right now?
[17:41] D
    I am not.
[17:42] K
    But you just made that "Mmn!" sound.
[17:46] D
    This place really is the
    home of the Axis cult.
[17:50] K
    Well, there are fewer people around here,
[17:52] K
    so we should be fine now.
[17:54] Woman
    Eek! Help me!
[17:56] Woman
    You there! Please, help me!
[17:58] Woman
    This violent-looking man,
    who's probably an Eris cultist,
[18:01] Woman
    is trying to force me into his dark ways!
[18:05] Guy
    Hey, you there!
[18:06] Guy
    You're not with the Axis Church, are you?
[18:09] Guy
    If you were as cool and strong as the members
    of that faith, I'd have to run away!
[18:13] Guy
    But if you're not, I'm not gonna hold back!
[18:15] Guy
    I've received the blessing
    of the Dark Goddess Eris!
[18:17] Guy
    If you wanna get in my way,
    then I'll let you have it!
[18:20] Woman
    Oh, this is horrible!
[18:22] Woman
    And all I have on me is the paperwork
    for joining the Axis Church!
[18:26] Woman
    If only someone would sign their name,
[18:28] Woman
    this sinister Eris cultist
    would flee in fear!
[18:33] Woman
    Hey, wait, don't abandon me, sir!
[18:35] Woman
    It's fine! You just have to
    write your name on this paper,
[18:38] Woman
    and then you'll receive some
    kind power from Aqua-sama
[18:40] Woman
    to make you strong and super cool!
[18:41] Woman
    With that power, this Eris cultist will
    surely lose his nerve and run away!
[18:46] Guy
    That's right!
[18:47] Guy
    Plus, if you join, you'll get
    all kinds of rare bonuses,
[18:49] Guy
    like becoming a good entertainer
[18:52] Guy
    and being beloved by undead monsters!
[18:54] D
    If you insist on calling Eris-sama
    a dark goddess in my presence—
[19:02] K
    Is everyone in the Axis cult like this?
[19:07] K
    Everyone in the Eris cult better
    not be like her, either.
[19:10] K
    You were turned on, weren't you?
[19:12] D
    Was not.
[19:12] Dude
    Congratulations!
[19:14] Dude
    You are the millionth to
    pass down this street!
[19:18] Dude
    I'd love to give you a commemorative
    prize, but you see,
[19:21] Dude
    the prize is actually sponsored
    by the Axis Church,
[19:23] Dude
    so if you'd just help me get
    this paperwork out of the way,
[19:27] Dude
    we can get your name, and you
    can receive your prize...
[19:31] Woman
    Hey! Hey, wow, it's been so long!
[19:34] Woman
    It's me! You know, me! How've you been?
[19:36] Woman
    Remember? We were classmates in school!
[19:39] Woman
    We were in the same class!
    Do you remember me?
[19:41] Woman
    I've changed a lot since
    joining the Axis Church,
[19:45] Woman
    so maybe you didn't recognize me!
[19:47] Woman
    Oh, my! Wait a moment!
[19:48] Woman
    Are you two newlyweds? Why, how darling!
[19:51] Woman
    Here, take this detergent!
[19:53] Woman
    Oh, don't worry about paying!
[19:55] Woman
    It's a little wedding gift from an old lady!
[19:58] Woman
    It's actually some amazing stuff!
[20:00] Woman
    I mean, it's received Aqua-sama's blessing,
    so it can get rid of any kind of stain!
[20:03] Woman
    And it's so easy on your skin! I'm serious!
[20:07] Woman
    You can even drink it!
[20:14] K
    What is wrong with this town?
[20:17] D
    A trial in a heretical land...
[20:20] D
    What an experience!
[20:22] K
    You never break character, do you?
[20:25] Waitress
    Here are your orders.
[20:28] Waitress
    Oh, and for our guest from the Eris cult...
[20:31] Waitress
    This is for you, on the house.
[20:34] Waitress
    Please enjoy yourselves.
[20:39] D
    Hey, Kazuma, why don't
    we all move to this town?
[20:43] K
    Absolutely not!
[20:44] K
    KONOSUBA!
[20:49] K
    Let's just head back to the inn.
[20:58] K
    Are you okay?
[21:00] D
    Here, let me see.
[21:02] K
    Looks like it's just a scratch.
[21:04] Girl
    Thank you, mister, lady!
[21:07] K
    Even in a city full of religious nutcases,
[21:10] K
    this girl blooms like a single flower!
[21:13] K
    Here.
[21:15] K
    Well? Does it hurt?
[21:16] Girl
    No, it's fine now! Thank you!
[21:19] Girl
    Hey, nice man, tell me your name!
[21:23] K
    It's Kazuma. Satou Kazuma.
[21:25] K
    And the scary lady here is Darkness.
[21:27] D
    D-Don't give me such a weird introduction!
[21:30] D
    Am I really that scary-looking?
[21:34] Girl
    How do you write "Satou Kazuma"?
[21:37] Girl
    Write it for me, mister!
[21:39] K
    Sure. My name is written like—
[21:51] K
    Damn it all!
[21:54] Girl
    Mister!
SIGN    Episode 9
SIGN    A Goddess for This Corrupt Hot Springs Town!
SIGN    My dear friends, Funifura-san and Dodonko-san. About coming to visit, please don't do it! I'm sure you're busy, so don't put yourselves out on my behalf. I'm actually pretty occupied myself, as well. Is it all right if you wait a bit before coming by? Please. Please, I beg for your patience. -Yunyun
[23:32] YY
    My dear friends, Funifura-san
    and Dodonko-san.
[23:35] YY
    About coming to visit, please don't do it!
[23:38] YY
    I'm sure you're busy, so don't—