E5 - A Price for This Magic Sword!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:11] Kaz
    This money is meaningless.
[00:14] Kaz
    Feeling satisfied with just a few coins,
[00:16] Kaz
    taking care of a useless goddess...
[00:18] Kaz
    This is not the parallel world life I wished for!
[00:22] Kaz
    Fighting ferocious dragons
    with a cursed or holy sword,
[00:26] Kaz
    being lauded as a chosen hero,
[00:29] Kaz
    love blossoming with a party member...
[00:33] Kaz
    Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
[00:38] Kids
    Red rover, red rover!
[00:41] Aqua
    I've had all I can take of living in debt!
[00:45] Aqua
    A quest!
[00:46] Aqua
    Thanks to that dullahan, there are only
    tough ones left, but let's accept one!
[00:49] Aqua
    I want money!
[00:52] Dark
    I... I don't mind...
[00:55] Aqua
    P-Please!
[00:57] Aqua
    I'm sick of working part-time
    in the shopping district!
[01:00] Aqua
    The manager yells at me if
    any croquettes aren't sold!
[01:02] Aqua
    I'll work hard!
[01:03] Aqua
    I'll give it everything I've got this time!
[01:06] Kaz
    This is one pitiful self-proclaimed goddess.
[01:06] Aqua
    Please!
[01:10] Kaz
    I'm sure I'll run out of money eventually, too,
[01:12] Kaz
    so go find a decent-looking quest for us.
[01:15] Aqua
    Got it!
[01:19] Megu
    Will Aqua be all right?
[01:21] Megu
    I get the feeling she'll bring
    back some insane quest.
[01:24] Dark
    I'd be okay with an unreasonable quest!
[01:30] Aqua
    All right.
[01:31] Kaz
    That's not "all right"!
[01:33] Kaz
    What are you trying to accept?!
[01:36] Kaz
    "There's a place where a manticore and
    a griffin are fighting over territory.
[01:41] Kaz
    Please kill both of them.
[01:43] Kaz
    The reward is 500,000 eris."
[01:45] Kaz
    Are you stupid?!
[01:47] Kaz
    I was right to come check on her.
[01:48] Kaz
    I nearly let her accept a
    ridiculously high-level quest!
[01:52] Aqua
    Hey, check this one out!
[01:55] Aqua
    "The quality of the town
    lake's water has declined,
[01:58] Aqua
    and Brutal Alligators
    have started to live in it,
[02:00] Aqua
    so I would like to have the water purified.
[02:02] Aqua
    The monsters will move to a different
    habitat if the lake is purified,
[02:06] Aqua
    so there's no need to kill them.
[02:08] Aqua
    The reward is 300,000 eris."
[02:11] Aqua
    This quest is perfect for me!
SIGN    KONOSUBA
    God's Blessing on this Wonderful World!
SIGN    KONOSUBA
    God's Blessing on this Wonderful World!
SIGN    Episode 5
SIGN    "A Price for This Cursed Sword!"
[03:49] Aqua
    How about it?
[03:50] Kaz
    Are you actually capable of purifying water?
[03:52] Aqua
    You fool.
[03:54] Aqua
    Who do you think I am?
[03:56] Aqua
    Surely you can tell
[03:58] Aqua
    what I'm a goddess of from
    my name and appearance.
[04:01] Kaz
    Goddess of party tricks, right?
[04:03] Aqua
    No, you shut-in NEET!
[04:04] Aqua
    Water! Do you not see the beautiful
[04:07] Aqua
    water-colored eyes and hair?!
[04:09] Kaz
    Go ahead and accept it, then.
[04:11] Kaz
    If you accept it alone, you can keep
    the whole reward for yourself.
[04:14] Aqua
    Wh-What?
[04:17] Aqua
    Well, monsters are likely to attack
    while I'm purifying the lake...
[04:21] Aqua
    So I'd like you to protect me...
[04:24] Kaz
    That's what this is about?
[04:26] Kaz
    How long will it take?
[04:28] Kaz
    About five minutes?
[04:32] Aqua
    Half a day or so?
[04:33] Kaz
    That's long!
[04:34] Aqua
    Please, I'm begging you!
[04:36] Aqua
    Help me out, Kazuma-san!
[04:38] Kaz
    How will you go about purifying it, anyway?
[04:40] Aqua
    Huh?
[04:42] Aqua
    Well, for a goddess of my class,
[04:44] Aqua
    simply touching the lake should purify it.
[04:48] Kaz
    I see.
[04:51] Kaz
    Hey, Aqua.
[04:52] Kaz
    I think I know a way you
    can purify the lake safely.
[04:55] Aqua
    Huh?
[04:57] Luna
    KONOSUBA!
[05:05] Aqua
    Hey, are we really doing this?
[05:07] Kaz
    My strategy is rock-solid.
[05:10] Kaz
    What're you unsatisfied with?
[05:13] Aqua
    I feel like some rare,
[05:16] Aqua
    captured monster that's on its way to be sold.
SIGN    Exploration Quest
SIGN    Purify the Riverhead Lake
[05:32] Kaz
    By no means did we come here to abandon
    this worthless goddess in the lake.
[05:37] Kaz
    She'll be able to touch and purify
[05:39] Kaz
    the water from inside the safety of the cage.
[05:41] Kaz
    Aqua! Tell us if anything happens!
[05:44] Kaz
    We'll reel you in, cage and all!
[05:47] Aqua
    I feel like a teabag of black tea
    being made into soup stock.
SIGN    — 2 Hours In —
[05:56] Aqua
    312 iron bars,
[05:59] Aqua
    313 iron bars...
[06:02] Dark
    No monsters are showing up.
[06:04] Megu
    Seems that way.
[06:06] Kaz
    You know, you're being awfully reserved today.
[06:09] Megu
    Huh?
[06:11] Kaz
    Normally, you'd say something chuuni-ish
[06:13] Kaz
    and try to blow the monsters away, lake and all.
[06:15] Dark
    Oh, that's true.
[06:16] Megu
    What sort of impression
    do you two have of me?!
[06:21] Megu
    My ultimate explosion magic isn't to be
[06:23] Megu
    used on the likes of mere alligators.
[06:26] Kaz
    You always fire it off all over
    the place for no reason...
[06:30] Kaz
    Hey, Aqua!
[06:32] Kaz
    How's purifying the lake coming along?
[06:35] Aqua
    It's going well!
[06:37] Kaz
    You'll catch a chill if you're
    in the water too long!
[06:40] Kaz
    If you need to go to the
    bathroom, let us know!
[06:43] Aqua
    Arch priests don't go to the bathroom!
[06:46] Megu
    Sounds like she's doing fine.
[06:48] Megu
    By the way, crimson demons don't
    go to the bathroom, either.
[06:51] Kaz
    Did you used to be idols or something?
[06:53] Dark
    M-Me, either.
[06:55] Dark
    I'm a crusader, so I don't...
[06:59] Dark
    I don't...
[07:01] Kaz
    Darkness, don't try so hard to deny it.
[07:05] Kaz
    You two insist you don't use the bathroom,
[07:07] Kaz
    so next time we'll accept a quest
    that'll take longer than a day,
[07:10] Kaz
    and we'll just see whether you use it or not.
[07:13] Megu
    Please don't!
[07:14] Megu
    Crimson demons really don't
    use the bathroom, okay?
[07:17] Megu
    But I'll apologize, so please don't do that.
[07:19] Dark
    No less from the man I placed my hopes on!
[07:23] Megu
    Still, the alligators aren't coming.
[07:25] Megu
    It would be great if this kept up
    and things ended peacefully...
[07:29] Kaz
    Hey, that line is bound to trigger a flag!
[07:31] Aqua
    K-Kazuma!
[07:33] Aqua
    Something's coming! Hey, a lot
    of somethings are coming!
[07:38] Aqua
    Kazuma! Kazuma-san!
[07:44] Aqua
    KONOSUBA!
SIGN    — 4 Hours In —
[07:49] Kaz
    Since the alligators showed up,
[07:51] Kaz
    Aqua's not only using her
    godly purification ability,
[07:53] Kaz
    but is also using purification magic
    as if her life depended on it.
[07:56] Aqua
    Purification! Purification!
[07:58] Aqua
    Purification! Purification! Purifica—
[08:04] Aqua
    Purification!
[08:05] Aqua
    Purification! Purification!
[08:07] Aqua
    Purification! Purification!
[08:10] Aqua
    The cage! The cage is making a strange sound!
[08:13] Kaz
    Aqua! Let us know if you want to give up!
[08:16] Kaz
    We'll pull the cage in by
    the chain and run away!
[08:19] Aqua
    No way!
[08:20] Aqua
    I won't get my reward if I give up now!
[08:26] Aqua
    It just went "crack"!
[08:27] Aqua
    The cage just made a sound
    no cage should ever make!
[08:30] Aqua
    Purification! Purification!
[08:32] Dark
    It looks kind of fun inside that cage.
[08:37] Kaz
    Don't you dare.
[08:38] Aqua
    Purification! Purification! Purification!
[08:41] Aqua
    Purification! Purification!
SIGN    — 7 Hours In —
[08:54] Megu
    It looks like the purification is complete.
[08:57] Megu
    All of the alligators appear to have left, too.
[09:00] Kaz
    Aqua, are you okay?
[09:02] Dark
    Aqua?
[09:03] Kaz
    Hey, Aqua.
[09:05] Kaz
    Aqua-san?
[09:07] Kaz
    Hey.
[09:08] Kaz
    Hey, I'm talking to you! What's wrong?
[09:15] Kaz
    If that's enough to make you cry,
    you should've retired from the quest.
[09:19] Kaz
    Come on, we're going home.
[09:22] Kaz
    Hey, Aqua. We talked it over,
[09:24] Kaz
    and we don't need any reward for this.
[09:27] Dark
    That's right, Aqua.
    The entire 300,000 eris is yours.
[09:31] Megu
    Th-That's right! You did all
    the work this time, after all!
[09:36] Kaz
    C-Come on, get out of the cage already.
[09:39] Kaz
    The alligators are gone.
[09:41] Aqua
    Just take me back like this.
[09:43] Kaz
    What did you say?
[09:45] Aqua
    The world outside this cage is scary.
[09:48] Aqua
    Take me back to the city like this.
[09:53] Kaz
    It looks like this quest
    traumatized Aqua yet again.
SIGN    Today's Results
SIGN    Purify the Riverhead Lake
SIGN    Today's Results
SIGN    Lake Purification Successful
SIGN    Quest Complete
[10:17] Crem
    That's the legendary Ancient Dragon.
[10:19] Fio
    Can we beat that thing?
[10:21] Fio
    Maybe we should run away...
[10:25] Kyou
    My name is Mitsurugi Kyouya.
[10:27] Kyou
    I was the sort of ordinary high
    schooler you could find anywhere,
[10:30] Kyou
    but in the abyss of death,
    I met a lovely goddess,
[10:32] Kyou
    and was reincarnated into this
    world as a chosen hero.
[10:36] Kyou
    If we let this dragon run rampant,
[10:38] Kyou
    many people could be injured,
    or lose their lives.
[10:42] Kyou
    We are the only ones who can defeat it!
[10:47] Both
    Kyouya!
[10:48] Fio
    The sacred treasure said to be
[10:50] Fio
    created by the gods,
    which only Kyouya can wield...
[10:53] Crem
    The Cursed Sword, Gram!
[11:06] Fio
    That's my Kyouya!
[11:08] Fio
    Only he could defeat the
    Ancient Dragon in a single blow!
[11:11] Crem
    Wh-When did he become yours?!
[11:14] Kyou
    Hey, now, stop that.
[11:14] Fio
    Blah!
[11:15] Crem
    Hey!
[11:16] Fio
    Kyouya is mine!
[11:18] Crem
    What are you talking about?
[11:19] Crem
    Kyouya is mine, okay?!
[11:20] Kyou
    I will save this world, without fail.
[11:24] Kyou
    I made a promise to her...
[11:28] (Flashback) Aqua
    Now, depart on your journey
    with the Cursed Sword, Gram,
[11:32] (Flashback) Aqua
    chosen hero.
[11:35] (Flashback) Kyou
    Lady Goddess.
[11:36] (Flashback) Kyou
    I will slay the Devil King
    and save the world for you.
[11:40] (Flashback) Aqua
    Yes, I expect great things of you.
[11:48] Aqua
    A used-up goddess is being transported along...
[11:50] Kyou
    This voice...
[11:52] Kyou
    I've heard it before!
[11:54] Crem
    Kyouya? Where are you going?!
[11:59] Aqua
    I'm sure they're taking me away to be sold...
[12:11] Kyou
    Lady Goddess!
[12:17] Aqua
    I'm sure they're taking me away to be sold...
[12:19] Kaz
    Hey, Aqua,
[12:21] Kaz
    we're in the city now,
    so stop singing that song.
[12:24] Kaz
    Just transporting a woman on
    her knees in a beat-up cage
[12:27] Aqua
    Hang in there, me...
[12:28] Kaz
    is already drawing everyone's attention.
[12:30] Kaz
    In fact, get out of there already!
[12:33] Aqua
    No.
[12:34] Aqua
    Inside this cage is my sanctuary.
[12:37] Aqua
    The outside world is scary,
    so I won't come out for a while.
[12:41] Megu
    She's completely holed herself up in there.
[12:43] Dark
    Yeah...
[12:45] Kaz
    She's just like I used to be...
[12:47] Kaz
    Oh, nothing, never mind.
[12:49] Kyou
    Lady Goddess!
[12:50] Kyou
    It's you, isn't it, Lady Goddess?!
[12:51] Kaz
    Huh?
[12:55] Megu
    Seriously?
[12:57] Kyou
    What are you doing in such
    a place, Lady Goddess?!
[13:00] Dark
    Hey.
[13:01] Dark
    Don't touch my ally so freely.
[13:04] Dark
    Who are you?
[13:07] Kaz
    You know him, don't you?
    He was calling you a goddess.
[13:10] Kaz
    Do something!
[13:12] Aqua
    Goddess?
[13:13] Kaz
    Yes!
[13:20] Aqua
    That's right! I'm a goddess!
[13:22] Kaz
    She didn't seriously forget
    she's a goddess, did she?
[13:33] Aqua
    So, what business do you have
    with a goddess such as myself?
[13:38] Aqua
    Who are you?
[13:39] Kyou
    It's me, Mitsurugi Kyouya!
[13:42] Kyou
    The Mitsurugi Kyouya who received
    this Cursed Sword, Gram,
[13:44] Kyou
    from you and was reincarnated in this world!
[13:48] Aqua
    Huh?
[13:48] Kyou
    Huh?
[13:50] Kaz
    Huh?
[13:53] Aqua
    Oh, of course! That guy!
[13:55] Aqua
    Sorry, I totally forgot!
[13:57] Aqua
    I've sent along many people,
[13:59] Aqua
    so it's inevitable that I'd forget some!
[14:01] Kyou
    Y-Yes...
[14:05] Kyou
    It has been a while, Aqua-sama.
[14:07] Kyou
    I have been working hard every
    day as your chosen hero.
[14:11] Kyou
    By the way...
[14:13] Kyou
    Why have you been locked up in a cage?
[14:17] Kaz
    Because she didn't want to get out of it.
[14:20] Both
    KO-NO-SU-BA!
[14:23] Kyou
    What?!
[14:24] Kyou
    You dragged the goddess to this world?
[14:27] Kyou
    Then you locked her in a cage
    and dunked her in a lake?!
[14:30] Kyou
    What in the world were you thinking?!
[14:32] Aqua
    W-Wait! I'm having lots of fun every day,
[14:36] Aqua
    and I'm not upset about having
    been dragged here anymore.
[14:39] Kyou
    Aqua-sama, I don't know
    how this man won you over,
[14:43] Kyou
    but you are a goddess!
    And yet, this little...
[14:47] Kaz
    This jerk just says whatever he wants.
[14:49] Kaz
    He doesn't even know Aqua all that well!
[14:52] A
    What?
[14:53] B
    Fighting over a woman?
[14:55] Kyou
    By the way, where are you
    staying right now, Aqua-sama?
[14:58] Aqua
    Um, in the stables...
[15:01] Kyou
    Huh?
[15:04] Dark
    Hey, take your hands off him!
[15:06] Dark
    Is there no limit to your rudeness?!
[15:09] Megu
    He's kind of making me want to blow him up.
[15:11] Kaz
    Don't do that. I'll die, too.
[15:13] Kyou
    You two are...
[15:15] Kyou
    A crusader and arch wizard?
[15:17] Kyou
    I see. You're blessed with
    wonderful party members.
[15:21] Kyou
    You have such excellent people here,
[15:24] Kyou
    yet you make Aqua-sama sleep in a stable.
[15:26] Kyou
    Have you no shame?
[15:31] Kaz
    I'm sure this guy has
[15:32] Kaz
    lived a life free of worry
    with that Cursed Sword Gram
[15:35] Kaz
    that he got as a perk when reincarnating.
[15:38] Kaz
    I worked my way up from square one,
[15:41] Kaz
    so why must I get lectured by a guy like him?
[15:44] Kaz
    Also, these girls are "excellent"?
[15:47] Kaz
    I've
[15:49] Kaz
    never once
[15:50] Kaz
    seen the slightest
[15:52] Kaz
    glimpse of
[15:53] Kaz
    that!
[15:55] Kyou
    All of you should travel with me,
    a sword master, from now on.
[15:59] Kyou
    I'll even buy you full sets
    of high-grade equipment.
[16:04] Aqua
    Hey, this is bad.
[16:06] Aqua
    This guy seriously freaks me out.
[16:08] Aqua
    He's the narcissistic type, and that scares me.
[16:11] Dark
    What should I do?
[16:12] Dark
    My instincts won't let me accept that man.
[16:15] Dark
    I enjoy getting hit more than attacking,
[16:17] Dark
    but something about him
    makes me want to hit him.
[16:20] Megu
    Can I blow him up? Can I blow him up?
[16:22] Kaz
    Um,
[16:24] Kaz
    it sounds like my allies unanimously
    don't want to join your party.
[16:28] Kaz
    Bye, then.
[16:33] Kyou
    Wait!
[16:36] Kaz
    Would you move aside?
[16:38] Kyou
    Sorry, but I can't leave
    Aqua-sama in this environment.
[16:42] Kaz
    What now? He's the type
    that won't listen to anyone.
[16:45] Kaz
    I can see where this is going.
[16:48] Kyou
    Will you have a match with me?
[16:50] Kaz
    I knew it.
[16:51] Kyou
    If I win, turn Aqua-sama over to me.
[16:54] Kyou
    If you win, I'll listen to any
    one request you have.
[16:57] Kaz
    All right, I'm in. Here I go!
[16:59] Kyou
    Hey, wait!
[17:01] Kaz
    Steal!
[17:14] Kaz
    That'll teach you to say whatever you please.
[17:16] Fio
    C-Coward!
[17:19] Fio
    Coward, coward, coward!
[17:23] Kaz
    Are you two this guy's allies?
[17:25] Crem
    That's right, you disgusting man! Coward!
[17:28] Kaz
    This cheater with a cursed sword
[17:30] Kaz
    who challenged a novice adventurer with
    weak gear to a match is the real coward!
[17:35] Crem
    Give back Gram!
[17:37] Crem
    Only Kyouya can use that cursed sword!
[17:39] Kaz
    Huh?
[17:40] Kaz
    For real?
[17:42] Aqua
    The Cursed Sword Gram is for
    this embarrassing guy's use alone.
[17:49] Kaz
    Well, I have it now, so I guess I'll keep it.
[17:51] Fio
    W-Wait just a second!
[17:53] Crem
    We won't accept the way you won!
[17:58] Kaz
    I'm an advocate of true gender equality,
[18:01] Kaz
    a guy who has no problem doling out
    a drop kick to a female opponent.
[18:06] Kaz
    Don't think I'll go easy on you.
[18:09] Kaz
    I'll unleash my Steal ability
    right here in public.
[18:13] Fio
    Huh?
[18:14] Crem
    Wh-Wha?
[18:19] Kaz
    So, what'll it be?
[18:25] Kaz
    Come on. Come on!
[18:31] Both
    No!
[18:36] Dark
    Nice!
[18:37] Kaz
    Uh, no...
[18:38] All
    KONOSUBA!
SIGN    The Next Day
[18:42] Aqua
    Why?!
[18:45] Dark
    That was Aqua's voice.
[18:47] Megu
    I wonder what happened.
[18:49] Kaz
    Is she never satisfied until
    she's caused a commotion?
[18:56] Aqua
    She said my reward this time,
[18:58] Aqua
    after deducting the cost of
    the broken cage, is 100,000 eris.
[19:02] Aqua
    The cage repair fee is 200,000 eris.
[19:05] Aqua
    I wasn't even the one who broke it...
[19:08] Aqua
    The next time I see that man,
[19:10] Aqua
    I'm going to nail him with God Blow for sure!
[19:13] Kyou
    I've been looking for you, Satou Kazuma!
[19:18] Kyou
    I heard about you from a certain thief girl.
[19:22] Kyou
    She said you're a demon
    who strips off panties!
[19:24] Kyou
    What's more, there also seem
    to be rumors that you're into
[19:27] Kyou
    getting girls covered in slime.
[19:29] Kyou
    They call you "Kazuma the Brute."
[19:31] Kaz
    Hey, wait! Tell me who's spreading that around!
[19:33] Kyou
    Aqua-sama,
[19:35] Kyou
    I swear that I will defeat the Devil King.
[19:38] Kyou
    So, please, party up with me—
[19:40] Aqua
    God Blow!
[19:47] Aqua
    Hey, you!
[19:49] Aqua
    Pay the repair fee for the cage you broke!
[19:51] Aqua
    It's 300,000! 300,000!
[19:53] Kyou
    Oh, uh, sure...
[19:55] Kaz
    Didn't she say 200,000 earlier?
[19:58] Aqua
    Excuse me!
[20:00] Aqua
    One drink and a stack of fried frog, please!
[20:06] Kyou
    I... I realize this request is asking too much...
[20:11] Kyou
    But, please, could you return
    the cursed sword to me?
[20:14] Kyou
    In exchange, I'll buy you the
    finest sword in the shop—
[20:19] Megu
    First,
[20:20] Megu
    there's the matter of the cursed sword
    no longer being in his possession.
[20:24] Kyou
    Huh?
[20:29] Kyou
    S-Satou Kazuma, where's the cursed sword?
[20:33] Kyou
    Wh-Wh-Where did my cursed sword go?
[20:36] Kaz
    I sold it.
[20:38] Kyou
    Damn it!
[20:41] Crem
    Kyouya!
[20:46] Kaz
    This money is meaningless.
[20:48] Dark
    What in the world was with that guy?
[20:51] Dark
    By the way,
[20:52] Dark
    he kept calling Aqua a goddess.
    What was that about?
[20:58] Kaz
    The time is right.
[21:00] Kaz
    It might be okay to tell Megumin and Darkness.
[21:04] Aqua
    I've kept this to myself until now,
[21:06] Aqua
    but I'll tell you.
[21:09] Aqua
    I am Aqua,
[21:10] Aqua
    the goddess who rules water,
    worshiped by the Religious Order of Axis.
[21:14] Aqua
    Yes, I am the goddess Aqua!
[21:17] Both
    Did you dream that?
[21:19] Aqua
    No!
[21:20] Luna
    Emergency! Emergency!
[21:22] Luna
    All adventurers, please arm yourselves at once
[21:25] Luna
    and gather at the front gate of the city!
[21:27] Luna
    Adventurer Satou Kazuma-san
    and his party in particular,
[21:30] Luna
    as quickly as possible, please!
[21:33] All
    Huh?
[21:44] Kaz
    Him again?
[21:47] Dul
    All of you...
[21:50] Dul
    Why haven't you come to the castle?!
[21:52] Dul
    You wretches!
[21:58] Kaz
    What?
SIGN    Mr. Satou Kazuma is growing noticeably stronger, and is progressing so well, he could defeat the Devil King as soon as tomorrow. This is entirely due to my supervisory talents. Mr. Kazuma, who was once a shut-in NEET, seems to be in constant awe of my shrewd coaching, which is gentle like a mother's, yet strict like a father's. Therefore, I would like to request permission to return home immediately... Huh? I can't? No!
SIGN    Episode 6
SIGN    A Conclusion to This Worthless Fight!