OVA1 - God's Blessings on This Wonderful Choker!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Kids
    My turn!
[00:04] K
    Hey, Wiz. We came to visit.
[00:07] W
    Kazuma-san! You're all here!
[00:10] W
    Welcome to the store.
[00:12] D
    Pardon the intrusion.
[00:13] A
    Why did we have to come
    to some undead's shop?
[00:23] YY
    Y-You just saw me, didn't you?!
    Why are you ignoring me?
[00:29] M
    Well, if it isn't my
    self-proclaimed rival, Yunyun.
[00:32] YY
    Don't say it's self-proclaimed!
[00:34] M
    Oh? Is that wrong?
[00:36] YY
    I-It is! I really am your rival!
[00:40] K
    This is a Crimson Demon girl
    we've recently gotten to know.
[00:44] K
    She calls herself Megumin's rival,
[00:46] K
    and challenges her every time
    they run into each other, but...
[00:49] YY
    Now, Megumin,
[00:50] YY
    it's a complete and total coincidence
    that we met here, but no matter!
[00:55] YY
    Today we're settling this!
SIGN    Episode 11
SIGN    "God's Blessings On This Wonderful Choker!"
[02:28] YY
    Come on! Come on!
[02:32] M
    Settle what, exactly?
[02:34] M
    I've won nearly every contest
    you've challenged me to.
[02:37] YY
    Sh-Shut up, you!
[02:40] YY
    Sorry...
[02:41] YY
    We'll do this outside so we won't
    cause trouble in your store.
[02:45] W
    Oh, it's okay.
[02:46] W
    I know that the reason
    you started shopping here
[02:49] W
    was because you heard that Megumin-san
    and her friends come by sometimes.
[02:55] YY
    E-Excuse me!
[02:56] YY
    I'd like to buy this today!
    What a cool-looking choker!
[03:00] K
    Wait, has she been coming here all
    the time hoping to run into Megumin?
[03:05] D
    Look, Yunyun... I mean...
[03:08] D
    You can always just visit
    our mansion, all right?
[03:11] YY
    What? R-Really?
[03:14] YY
    But if I show up with snacks and drinks,
    you won't look at me like,
[03:18] YY
    "Wow, you actually came? Can't you
    tell when someone is just being nice?"
[03:21] YY
    and act really annoyed, will you?
[03:23] M
    You are as irritating as ever!
[03:26] M
    If you want to come by, just do it whenever!
[03:30] M
    So, what are we going to do?
    Aren't we having a contest?
[03:33] YY
    Hang on, Megumin!
[03:36] YY
    I don't get to talk to this
    many people very often.
[03:40] YY
    Can the contest wait
    until this evening, maybe?
[03:43] M
    You can never make up your mind, can you?
[03:46] M
    That's the problem with you loner types!
[03:47] A
    Hey, can I get some tea over here?
[03:50] A
    And something to eat, while you're at it.
[03:52] W
    Right, Aqua-sama!
    I'll grab something right away!
[03:58] D
    Are you okay?!
[04:00] W
    Sorry! I'm all right!
[04:02] A
    Hey, we're losing daylight here!
[04:05] K
    This bunch is always so noisy...
[04:08] W
    Are you okay?
[04:09] K
    I could really go for some comfort.
[04:13] K
    What's this?
[04:16] K
    "An uncharacteristically popular
    item sold at our shop."
[04:20] K
    "A choker that can grant wishes."
[04:22] K
    I'm not sure a shop should say an item's
    popularity is "uncharacteristic"...
[04:26] K
    And the price is a relatively
    steep 100,000 eris.
[04:29] M
    What are these?!
    What are these boobs of yours?!
[04:32] M
    Have they grown again?!
[04:33] M
    Are you showing them off?!
[04:35] YY
    Cut it out! Don't get mad at me
    just because yours won't grow!
[04:35] ---
    Damn you!
[04:38] M
    They're so bouncy!
[04:39] A
    Uh, excuse me. This tea is barely warm.
[04:42] A
    This is the problem with you undead
    and your low body temperatures...
[04:45] W
    I'm so sorry, Aqua-sama!
[04:47] D
    What is this "potion that attracts beasts"?
[04:50] D
    F-For instance, would it make
    men who are beastlike
[04:52] D
    in certain ways find you more attractive?
[04:55] W
    It's a potion that attracts
    beast-type monsters.
[04:58] W
    It makes monsters attack you one after
    another, without a moment's rest.
[05:02] D
    I'll take it!
[05:03] W
    Huh? Are you sure?
[05:06] W
    You really won't have a moment's rest...
[05:07] K
    So it's an item that increases
    your luck when equipped?
[05:14] D
    K-Kazuma-san!
[05:16] D
    Th-Th-That's...
[05:18] K
    Oh, the wish-granting choker?
[05:21] K
    Should I not have tried it on?
[05:24] W
    Th-That's a magic item that stays
    on until your wish comes true,
[05:27] W
    and it tightens every day
    that wish isn't granted!
[05:30] K
    You mean it's cursed?!
[05:32] W
    No, it's not! It's really popular with women!
[05:35] W
    It helps them get really, really
    motivated to lose weight...
[05:40] K
    You have to grant your wish yourself?
    Is this some kind of joke?!
[05:44] A
    So what did you wish for anyway, Kazuma?
[05:47] K
    Well, I didn't even wish for
    anything in particular.
[05:51] W
    That's bad, Kazuma-san!
[05:53] W
    If we don't do something, the choker will
    gradually tighten, and in four days...
[05:56] K
    You're saying I'm gonna die because
    of some stupid dieting gimmick?!
[06:00] YY
    It's my fault.
[06:01] YY
    Kazuma-san picked up that choker
    because I dropped it, and now he's...
[06:06] M
    It's my fault for yelling at you, too, Yunyun.
[06:09] D
    No, if Wiz hadn't been
    distracted by Aqua and me...
[06:13] D
    I'm sorry, Kazuma.
[06:15] W
    It's really my fault!
[06:17] W
    I shouldn't have left something
    so dangerous on the store shelf.
[06:24] W
    Kazuma-san...
[06:26] W
    I'll do whatever it takes
    to get that choker off.
[06:29] W
    Don't worry!
[06:31] YY
    I'll help, too!
[06:32] M
    Wh-When the Crimson Demons' greatest
    sorceress prodigy gets to work,
[06:35] M
    removing a magic item
    like that is child's play!
[06:38] D
    You'll have my help, as well!
[06:42] A
    Hey, I didn't do anything wrong!
[06:44] A
    But just for the record...
[06:46] A
    Sorry! If you die, I'll be sure
    to cast Resurrection on you.
[06:52] K
    Maybe I won't come back
    to life next time I die.
[06:55] K
    I'll go on strike from living.
[06:57] A
    Wh-What are you saying?
[06:59] A
    Don't the two of us have
    to slay the Devil King?
[07:02] K
    Not to mention, if I die, you take sole
    possession of our considerable debt.
[07:07] A
    Fine!
[07:08] A
    You just want me to help, too, right?!
[07:11] A
    We'll do whatever you want
    until that choker comes off!
[07:15] K
    Did you just say "whatever you want"?
[07:22] W
    U-Um, Kazuma-san?
[07:25] K
    Kazuma here.
[07:26] W
    I-Is it... comfortable?
[07:30] K
    Your thighs are nice and cool, Wiz.
[07:33] K
    And very soft.
[07:35] K
    Plus...
[07:37] K
    Seeing how embarrassed
    it makes you is great.
[07:40] W
    I-I see...
[07:41] W
    Well, um... th-thank you?
[07:45] K
    A wish-granting choker...
[07:47] K
    This is much better than I thought!
[07:49] K
    I've got four whole days
    until it strangles me.
[07:52] K
    I'm sure it'll work out.
[07:54] M
    It's only his first wish, and he's already
    putting his lust on full display.
[07:58] D
    Very well!
[07:59] D
    I don't know what it is you want,
[08:01] D
    but I can deal with anything you—
[08:03] K
    Ditch the armor and give me 100 push-ups.
[08:15] D
    One... two...
[08:19] D
    three... four...
[08:22] D
    five... six...
[08:26] K
    seven...
[08:27] K
    Now this isn't bad at all.
[08:30] D
    I-I'm being exposed to his
    animalistic, hungry gaze
[08:32] D
    with no means of escape!
[08:35] D
    In his head, I'm surely being reduced
[08:37] D
    to an even more shameful state...
[08:41] D
    St—
[08:42] D
    Stop it!
[08:44] D
    And yet... as a knight, I must not yield!
[08:49] A
    Unbelievable...
[08:50] A
    He's going to use beautiful girls like us
    to fulfill his every twisted desire!
[08:57] K
    Go grab me a yakisoba bun,
    and make it snappy.
[08:59] A
    Why?!
[09:02] W
    Aqua-sama!
[09:04] K
    Now, then...
[09:07] K
    You two are rivals, right?
[09:09] M
    No, that's just Yunyun's idea.
[09:11] K
    The two of you are going to
    have a little competition.
[09:16] YY
    W-Well, if you insist!
    I challenge you, Megumin!
[09:19] M
    Why are you so happy about this?
[09:22] K
    I will decide the contest,
[09:25] K
    and the winner will be chosen
    at my discretion, as I see fit.
[09:33] W
    Excuse me...
[09:37] W
    Shouldn't you be face-up when
    using someone's lap as a pillow?
[09:41] K
    Where I was born, we do
    it like this sometimes.
[09:44] W
    R-Really?
[09:46] A
    'ere you ahr!
[09:47] W
    Too slow! And I think you mean,
    "I brought your food, sir!"
[09:50] A
    Fuhd, shur!
[09:56] K
    Hey...
[09:57] K
    You ate half of this, didn't you?
[10:00] A
    Dih noth!
[10:01] K
    She's got her cheeks stuffed
    like a damn squirrel!
[10:04] YYM
    Rock, paper, scissors!
[10:08] M
    It is the law of this world to grant me victory.
[10:17] A
    What are those two doing?
[10:19] K
    Strip rock-paper-scissors.
[10:21] A
    You are shockingly straightforward
    with what you want, aren't you?
[10:24] A
    Even I'm creeped out by that.
[10:27] M
    Yunyun... At this rate,
    we're both going to suffer.
[10:32] YY
    A-As the one who'll lead the
    Crimson Demons one day,
[10:35] YY
    I can't afford to lose to you, Megumin!
[10:37] M
    You decide to be stubborn now?!
[10:40] A
    You're not planning to have
    me do that next, are you?
[10:44] K
    Next, go buy some expensive bubbly.
[10:46] A
    Why?!
[10:49] W
    Aqua-sama!
[10:52] MYY
    Rock, paper, scissors!
[10:54] MYY
    One more time! One more time!
[10:57] MYY
    Again! Again! Again!
[10:59] MYY
    Rock, paper, scissors!
[11:03] MYY
    One more time! One more time!
[11:06] K
    If you tie three more times,
    you both have to take something off.
[11:16] M
    Yunyun...
[11:18] M
    I have faith in you.
[11:20] M
    You're my rival, and my friend.
[11:23] M
    I know you wouldn't be led
    astray by what he says.
[11:27] YY
    Megumin...
[11:28] YY
    I have faith in you, too.
[11:31] YY
    Let's go! One more time!
[11:42] M
    What?! Are you just mad because you lost?!
[11:45] M
    Hey! Stop that! I'm going to fall out!
[11:49] M
    Stop it already!
[11:50] W
    Um, uh, Kazuma-san,
    should you stop them?
[11:54] K
    Wiz...
[11:55] K
    I can't help it.
[11:57] K
    This is the only way to get
    the choker to come off.
[12:02] W
    I guess you're right...
[12:04] K
    Thank you for being so understanding.
[12:07] D
    Kazuma!
[12:08] D
    I've finished the hundred push-ups!
[12:11] D
    I didn't think you'd leave me alone in there.
[12:14] D
    The humiliation and isolation were so—
[12:16] K
    Next up is 100 sit-ups.
[12:21] K
    KONOSUBA!
[12:31] A
    I've been defiled... I'm a goddess,
    but I've been defiled...
[12:38] W
    Um... Has the choker come off yet?
[12:42] K
    It's terribly unfortunate,
[12:44] K
    but it looks like we'll have to keep making
    my wishes come true tomorrow, too.
[12:50] K
    KO! NO! SU! BA!
[12:54] K
    KONOSUBA!
[12:59] K
    After that, I continued to grant all
    the wishes I could come up with.
[13:03] A
    Why am I doing this?
[13:07] D
    More exercise today?
[13:13] YY
    This is embarrassing...
[13:14] M
    Something about this choice of
    clothing seems malicious to me.
[13:22] K
    Oh, nice! Okay, next!
[13:34] D
    I just have to wash myself?
[13:39] K
    Yes. Nothing more.
[13:41] K
    And I will watch!
[13:44] A
    You're going to defile the goddess
    again today, aren't you?
[13:47] A
    What are you going to make me do?
[13:48] Kazuma
    I want you to find us a natural hot spring.
[13:51] Kazuma
    You can do that, right?
[13:52] A
    Huh? Why?
[13:54] K
    You're a water goddess, aren't you?
[13:56] K
    Wait, I'm sorry. It was the
    goddess of party tricks, wasn't it?
[13:59] A
    Fine! I'll do it!
[14:02] A
    I'll show you what a goddess can do!
[14:05] YY
    A-Are you itchy anywhere?
[14:09] K
    If I had to say, maybe in front.
[14:11] M
    What? Your d***?
[14:13] M
    Just rip that thing off.
[14:18] K
    Oh, I think the choker's starting to tighten.
[14:23] K
    What should I do? Am I gonna die?
[14:28] K
    Go on! Go on, do it!
[14:30] K
    Go on, now!
[14:32] K
    What're you you so scared of?
    You're the one who mentioned my d***!
[14:33] YY
    Megumin!
[14:35] K
    Go on! Rip it off! Hurry it up, now!
[14:37] K
    Try and rip it off!
[14:39] K
    My d***!
[14:39] A
    It's coming... I can sense it...
[14:41] K
    Go on!
[14:43] K
    Quickly, now!
[14:45] K
    Go ahead!
[14:48] A
    Here it comes!
[15:00] A
    KO! NO! SU! BA!
[15:08] K
    Why won't it come off?
[15:10] K
    Every wish I can think of has been granted...
[15:14] M
    All the wishes you could
    think up were perverted?
[15:19] K
    What am I missing?
[15:22] K
    Wiz, could you give me something to drink?
[15:25] W
    Oh, okay.
[15:25] K
    From your mouth, I mean.
[15:29] A
    Oh, enough!
[15:30] A
    Tomorrow's the fourth day!
[15:32] A
    It seems pretty clear that your
    disgusting wishes aren't working!
[15:35] K
    What was that, you useless goddess?!
[15:35] YY
    Maybe my specialty magic,
    Light of Saber, could do something...
[15:36] K
    You sure you're not just doing
    a bad job granting them?!
[15:38] A
    I've been doing my best, for your information!
[15:40] M
    I get it.
[15:40] K
    And how dare you call it disgusting?!
[15:41] M
    Then, after we've cut Kazuma's head off,
    we can easily remove the choker?
[15:42] K
    Taking a drink from a girl's
    mouth is the dream of every man!
[15:45] YY
    He'd be dead!
[15:47] YY
    I just wondered if there was a
    way to cut only the choker off!
[15:50] D
    Kazuma! Kazuma!
[15:51] D
    You're being gradually strangled...
[15:54] D
    What's it feel like?!
[15:55] D
    Is it the best, Kazuma?!
[15:57] D
    Is the grip slowly tightening
    around you fantastic?!
[16:00] K
    Stop it!
[16:01] A
    Isn't there anything else you want?
[16:08] K
    I can't think of anything.
[16:09] M
    Well, you'd better come up with something!
[16:11] M
    I can't afford to have you die!
[16:24] M
    Tomorrow's the last day...
[16:28] M
    Oh, it's you, Yunyun.
[16:31] YY
    Why are you trying so hard
    for Kazuma-san's sake?
[16:38] M
    If Kazuma is gone,
[16:39] M
    who will carry me home after
    I've used my explosion magic?
[16:44] M
    His existence is a necessity
    for my mastery of explosions!
[16:50] M
    Besides...
[17:21] M
    Kazuma is my friend.
[17:23] M
    The greatest mind of the Crimson Demons
[17:25] M
    would never forsake a friend.
[17:28] YY
    I understand.
[17:30] YY
    I'm partly responsible for
    what happened to him, too.
[17:33] YY
    Let's make sure we
    get that choker off him!
[17:37] M
    There's no telling what awful
    things he'll have you do.
[17:40] YY
    I-It's okay, as long as I'm with you!
[17:43] YY
    N-Now, I didn't mean anything by that!
[17:55] K
    Thanks, everyone.
[17:56] K
    I had a great time.
[18:00] M
    Uh... Do you have any more terrible
    commands, like yesterday?
[18:04] K
    It's fine.
[18:06] K
    Thanks for indulging me.
[18:08] K
    I'm really grateful.
[18:10] D
    A-All I did was exercise and wash myself!
[18:14] D
    You could always give me nastier... orders?
[18:19] K
    I have lived a very shameful life.
[18:22] K
    Living every moment for your desires
    leaves nothing but emptiness.
[18:27] M
    Do scumbags lose the will to live
    once all their desires are sated?
[18:33] K
    Once I'm dead, you can have this tracksuit.
[18:36] K
    Let it be the proof that
    I lived in this world.
[18:40] A
    H-Hang on...
[18:42] K
    Aqua.
[18:46] K
    The yakisoba bun and bubbly you bought
[18:49] K
    were very delicious.
[19:03] W
    Kazuma-san...
[19:05] M
    Kazuma...
[19:06] W
    Kazuma-san...
[19:07] D
    Kazuma...
[19:18] A
    Don't die, Kazuma.
[19:20] A
    We're going to bring down the
    Devil King together, right?
[19:23] M
    True...
[19:25] W
    I won't let you die!
[19:28] W
    Please... You can ask for anything!
[19:33] K
    This is what it feels
    like to be comforted?
[19:43] K
    I see.
[19:44] K
    Then, since it's the end, there are
    some things I'd like to apologize for.
[19:49] K
    Megumin...
[19:51] K
    When I would carry you home
    after you used explosion magic,
[19:55] K
    I tried to get a feel for your
    breasts as much as possible
[19:58] K
    by shaking you around and
    changing my posture a lot.
[20:02] K
    I'm sorry.
[20:04] K
    Yunyun, Wiz...
[20:06] K
    If I'm being honest,
    whenever I talk with you two,
[20:08] K
    my line of sight is fixed on your chests.
[20:11] K
    Wiz has so much to look at,
[20:13] K
    and Yunyun's outfit is so
    sexy around the chest.
[20:15] K
    And I actually thought it was your
    fault, for having bodies like that.
[20:20] K
    I'm sorry.
[20:21] K
    Darkness...
[20:23] K
    Since we started living together here,
[20:25] K
    all I've really seen you as is boobs.
[20:28] K
    You are boobs.
[20:30] K
    Boobs.
[20:32] K
    Sorry.
[20:34] A
    You're going to spout some heresy
    about a goddess like me, too?
[20:38] K
    Aqua, when we were sleeping
    in the horse stables...
[20:46] (Flashback) A
    I can't eat another bite...
[20:49] K
    I tried desperately to see you as some kind
    of love interest, but I just couldn't do it.
[20:55] K
    I'm sorry.
[20:57] A
    Don't give up so easily, Kazuma-san!
[20:59] A
    Don't give up!
[21:01] A
    Please, I'm begging you!
[21:03] K
    I have no regrets left.
[21:05] K
    Thank you all for everything.
[21:12] K
    Huh? Why?
[21:17] (Flashback) K
    I could really go for some comfort.
[21:20] K
    My wish... was to be comforted?
[21:29] K
    Uh, everyone, that's the
    look you save for garbage.
[21:32] A
    Hey, crappy NEET.
[21:35] A
    Why don't you try putting
    this choker on again?
[21:38] A
    It's okay. Your kind friends
    are sure to help you out.
[21:56] E
    Well...
[21:57] E
    Can I just say one thing?
[22:00] K
    Go ahead.
[22:03] E
    Try not to die over something as silly as this.
[22:07] K
    I have no excuse!