E3 - A Panty Treasure in This Right Hand!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Dark
    My name is Darkness.
[00:03] Dark
    My calling is that of a crusader.
[00:06] Dark
    Would you please...
[00:09] Dark
    Would you please let me join your p-p-party?
[00:16] Kaz
    Um...
[00:18] Dark
    Those two slimy ladies earlier
    were allies of yours, right?
[00:21] Dark
    What in the world did that to them?
[00:23] Kaz
    Oh, uh...
[00:24] Kaz
    They were swallowed by
    Giant Toads, and the mucus—
[00:27] Dark
    What?!
[00:28] Dark
    It's worse than I imagined...
[00:31] Kaz
    What's with this woman knight?
[00:33] Dark
    No, wait!
[00:35] Dark
    As a knight, I cannot overlook
    such horrors befalling two girls
[00:38] Dark
    of such a tender age!
[00:40] Kaz
    Her eyes are scaring me...
[00:41] Kaz
    She's setting off my danger radar.
[00:44] Kaz
    It's telling me something's up with her,
    just like Aqua and Megumin.
[00:48] Kaz
    No, I'd advise against it.
[00:51] Kaz
    It's hard to say how useful
    one of our members is,
[00:53] Kaz
    another can only use her magic once per day,
[00:56] Kaz
    and I'm the lowest job class.
[00:58] Kaz
    Our party's total trash,
[00:59] Kaz
    so I'd recommend you look elsewhe— Ow, ow, ow!
[01:02] Dark
    That's even better!
[01:04] Dark
    The truth is, this was a bit
    difficult for me to say,
[01:09] Dark
    but while I have confidence in my
    strength and stamina, I am clumsy...
[01:14] Dark
    So, um...
[01:15] Dark
    None of my attacks ever hit their mark.
[01:18] Kaz
    Looks like my sensor was spot-on.
[01:21] Dark
    As such,
[01:23] Dark
    I'll charge to the front line,
[01:25] Dark
    so please use me as a shield!
[01:26] Kaz
    Her face is too close!
[01:28] Kaz
    The negative effects of my long life
    as a shut-in are kicking in now?!
[01:32] Kaz
    No, that isn't it!
[01:33] Kaz
    This is just too stimulating for
    an adolescent virgin like me!
[01:36] Kaz
    Stay calm... Don't be seduced
    by her womanly charms!
[01:40] Kaz
    No.
[01:41] Kaz
    I could never use a woman as a shield.
[01:44] Dark
    It would be my pleasure!
[01:46] Kaz
    Well, we get eaten by
    monsters in every battle.
[01:48] Dark
    That would be even more my pleasure!
[01:52] Kaz
    Oh, I get it.
[01:54] Kaz
    It's not just her abilities.
    She's hopeless to the core.
SIGN    KONOSUBA
    God's Blessing on this Wonderful World!
SIGN    KONOSUBA
    God's Blessing on this Wonderful World!
SIGN    Episode 3
SIGN    "A Panty Treasure in This Right Hand!"
[03:33] Kaz
    I was so worn out, I slept until noon...
[03:35] Aqua
    Hup!
[03:39] Aqua
    There!
[03:46] Aqua
    Thank you! Thank you!
[03:47] Aqua
    Thank you!
[03:49] Aqua
    Oh, look, Kazuma!
[03:51] Aqua
    What do you think of my newly acquired skill?
[03:53] Aqua
    Isn't it befitting of a
    water goddess like myself?
[03:57] Kaz
    Isn't that a party trick skill,
    you low-grade goddess?
[04:00] Aqua
    KONOSUBA!
[04:03] Kaz
    You can learn skills with the
    points you've saved up, huh?
[04:07] Kaz
    I'll have to be careful not to
    use them on any weird skills.
[04:14] Megu
    First you get someone to
    teach you how to use a skill.
[04:18] Megu
    Then the entry will appear on your card.
[04:22] Megu
    If you use your points on that entry,
    you'll finish learning it.
[04:25] Kaz
    Does that mean if I have you teach me,
[04:28] Kaz
    I could learn to use explosion magic, too?
[04:31] Megu
    Exactly!
[04:32] Megu
    That's exactly right, Kazuma!
[04:34] Megu
    If you want to learn explosion magic,
[04:35] Megu
    I'll teach you as much as you want!
[04:37] Megu
    Heck, is there any other skill
    more worthwhile to learn?
[04:41] Megu
    No, there certainly is not!
[04:43] Megu
    Come, now, and walk the
    path of explosions with me!
[04:47] Kaz
    Her face is too close...
[04:49] Kaz
    Hey, calm... calm down, little girl!
[04:53] Kaz
    Besides, I only have three points right now...
[04:55] Megu
    L-Little girl?
[04:58] Kaz
    Huh?
[05:08] Megu
    I'm a little girl?
[05:12] Kaz
    I wonder if there's some quick and easy skill...
[05:15] Kaz
    One that'll be a good value,
    that doesn't take many points to learn.
[05:18] Dark
    I've been looking for you.
[05:22] Kaz
    Oh, no!
[05:24] Dark
    You said you had too much to drink yesterday
[05:26] Dark
    and headed straight home...
[05:27] Kaz
    N-No need to worry!
[05:29] Kaz
    I was trying to turn her down gently.
[05:32] Kaz
    Looks like my intentions didn't
    get through to her at all!
[05:35] Dark
    Shall we continue where our
    conversation left off yesterday?
[05:38] Dark
    Please let me join your party—
[05:40] Kaz
    I refuse.
[05:44] Dark
    Such a snap decision!
[05:46] Kaz
    Huh? That made her happy?
[05:48] Kaz
    She's dangerous!
[05:51] Chris
    That won't do, Darkness.
[05:53] Chris
    You can't be so pushy.
[05:55] Kaz
    Um, and you are?
[05:57] Chris
    I'm Chris, a thief, as you can see.
[06:01] Chris
    This girl is my friend, I guess?
[06:03] Kaz
    Thank goodness.
[06:04] Kaz
    This one seems like a
    relatively competent person.
[06:06] Chris
    You seem to be in need of a useful skill.
[06:10] Chris
    How about a thief skill?
[06:12] Kaz
    Huh?
[06:13] Chris
    It takes very few points to learn,
    so it's a good value.
[06:16] Chris
    I'm sure it would come in handy.
[06:18] Chris
    How about it?
[06:19] Chris
    If you act now, I'll do it
    for the cost of a drink.
[06:21] Kaz
    That's cheap!
[06:22] Kaz
    All right, please do!
[06:24] Kaz
    Excuse me! One ice-cold drink
    for this lady over here!
[06:30] Chris
    KONOSUBA!
[06:33] Chris
    So,
[06:34] Chris
    there are all sorts of thief skills,
    like "Enemy Detection" and "Lurk,"
[06:38] Chris
    but I recommend this one in particular.
[06:40] Chris
    Here I go. Watch carefully.
[06:42] Kaz
    Right! I'm ready, Chris-san!
[06:45] Chris
    Steal!
[06:56] Kaz
    Hey! My coin pouch!
[06:59] Chris
    This is the thief skill "Steal."
[07:01] Chris
    If it's successful, you can take
    possession of your opponent's property.
[07:04] Chris
    So that's how you use it.
[07:07] ---
    Huh...
[07:10] Chris
    Hey, want to have a showdown?
[07:13] Chris
    Learn this thief skill yourself,
[07:15] Chris
    then steal this pouch back from me.
[07:17] Dark
    Hey, isn't that overdoing it a bit?
[07:20] Chris
    He's an adventurer, isn't he?
[07:22] Chris
    Crossing dangerous bridges
    comes with the territory.
[07:26] Kaz
    A high tuition fee, huh?
[07:29] Kaz
    Still,
[07:30] Kaz
    this is exactly the sort of exchange between
    rowdy adventurers that I've been craving!
[07:35] Kaz
    At long last,
[07:36] Kaz
    it's my first adventure-like event
    since coming to this world!
[07:40] Kaz
    Sure!
[07:41] Chris
    Then it's settled.
[07:42] Chris
    Use your adventurer card
    and acquire the skill.
[07:46] Chris
    The skills you learned from me
    should be displayed there.
[07:50] Kaz
    Enemy Detection: one point.
[07:52] Kaz
    Lurk: one point.
[07:54] Kaz
    Pilfer: one point.
[07:56] Kaz
    Nature's Beauty...
[07:57] Kaz
    "Nature's Beauty"?
[07:59] Dark
    Oh...
[08:00] Dark
    That's the party trick skill
    your ally used earlier.
[08:05] Kaz
    Five points for a measly party trick?
[08:07] Kaz
    That's steep!
[08:08] Kaz
    Yeah, I won't need this.
[08:31] Chris
    Okay! The thief skills you chose are now yours!
[08:34] Chris
    Come at me anytime!
[08:35] Kaz
    All right!
[08:37] Kaz
    Whatever I steal from you,
    don't cry about it!
[08:40] Chris
    A success will net you this magic dagger.
[08:42] Chris
    It's a fine item that wouldn't go
    for less than 400,000 eris.
[08:45] Kaz
    Wow!
[08:46] Chris
    And the consolation prize will be...
[08:48] Chris
    These rocks!
[08:50] Kaz
    That's dirty!
[08:53] Chris
    This will greatly lower the odds
    that you'll nab the dagger.
[08:56] Kaz
    Damn.
[08:57] Kaz
    This really was enlightening.
[08:59] Kaz
    This isn't Japan.
[09:01] Kaz
    It's survival of the fittest in this world.
[09:03] Kaz
    Any gullible fool who gets
    tricked has himself to blame.
[09:07] Kaz
    I'll do it!
[09:09] Kaz
    Steal!
[09:16] Kaz
    All right! Looks like it worked!
[09:24] Kaz
    What's this?
[09:27] Kaz
    Oh! This is just as great a success!
[09:31] Kaz
    I hit the jackpot!
[09:34] Chris
    No! G-Give me back my panties!
[09:45] Dark
    Wh-What a savage act.
[09:48] Dark
    It appears my eyes didn't lead me astray!
[09:52] Kaz
    KONOSUBA!
[09:54] Megu
    Oh, Kazuma.
[09:56] Aqua
    Where have you been?
[09:57] Aqua
    You missed my dazzling tricks.
[10:00] Aqua
    Wait, what's with her?
[10:02] Kaz
    Actually...
[10:03] Dark
    Indeed.
[10:04] Dark
    She's just depressed because,
    when she taught Kazuma thief skills,
[10:07] Dark
    her panties were stripped off, then all
    the money she had on her was taken.
[10:12] Kaz
    Hey, what are you blurting out?!
[10:14] Chris
    He said giving back his coin
    pouch wouldn't be enough,
[10:16] Chris
    so I said I'd pay any price
[10:18] Chris
    if he'd just return my panties...
[10:21] Chris
    But then he told me to decide
    what they were worth on my own!
[10:24] Kaz
    Whoa, hold on! Hold on!
[10:26] Kaz
    You're not wrong, but seriously, hold on!
[10:28] Chris
    He said if I didn't, they'd be revered
[10:31] Chris
    within his family as an heirloom from now on!
[10:34] Kaz
    Hey!
[10:35] Kaz
    The eyes of every female adventurer
    around us are turning stone-cold!
[10:40] Kaz
    Seriously, wait a second!
[10:42] Megu
    So, Kazuma, were you able to learn
    the thief skills without any trouble?
[10:48] Kaz
    Well, see for yourself.
[10:49] Kaz
    Here I go!
[10:50] Kaz
    Steal!
[11:05] Kaz
    What's this?
[11:07] Megu
    What happened?
[11:08] Megu
    Did your stats go up with your level,
[11:11] Megu
    allowing you to change jobs
    from "adventurer" to "pervert"?
[11:15] Megu
    Um, it's a bit drafty,
    so please give me back my panties.
[11:19] Aqua
    Kazuma, you...
[11:21] Kaz
    H-Huh? That's strange.
[11:22] Kaz
    What you steal should be random...
[11:24] Dark
    To strip such a young girl of her panties
[11:27] Dark
    in a public place is truly savage!
[11:29] Dark
    I can't let this pass!
[11:32] Dark
    You must let me join your party!
[11:35] Kaz
    No, thanks.
[11:40] Kaz
    This chick is definitely the hopeless type.
[11:43] Kaz
    I can't let any more weirdos into our party.
[11:46] Aqua
    Hey, Kazuma.
[11:47] Aqua
    Is this the person you mentioned
[11:49] Aqua
    who came for an interview while Megumin
    and I were in the bath yesterday?
[11:53] Dark
    KONOSUBA!
[11:56] Megu
    Hey, this lady is a crusader!
[11:59] Megu
    We shouldn't have any
    reason to turn her down.
[12:03] Kaz
    Crap...
[12:04] Megu
    Look at this. She's a crusader.
[12:04] Kaz
    I really didn't want to
    let these two meet her.
[12:08] Kaz
    All right, I guess I can play that card.
[12:11] Kaz
    Darkness,
[12:12] Kaz
    there's something I have to tell you.
[12:16] Kaz
    The thing is...
[12:18] Kaz
    Aqua and I may not look like much,
[12:20] Kaz
    but we seriously intend to defeat the Devil King.
[12:23] Aqua
    Uh-huh.
[12:24] Chris
    Oh?
[12:25] Megu
    You do?
[12:26] Aqua
    Yeah. Awesome, isn't it?
[12:28] Kaz
    Our adventure is bound to become
    more and more rigorous.
[12:33] Kaz
    For you in particular, Darkness.
[12:34] Kaz
    If a female knight like you
[12:36] Kaz
    were to be captured by the
    Devil King, it'd be bad news.
[12:38] Kaz
    You'd be sure to suffer a horrendous fate!
[12:41] Dark
    Yes, that's exactly right.
[12:44] Dark
    Since old times,
[12:45] Dark
    suffering an erotic fate at
    the hands of the Devil King
[12:47] Dark
    has always been the duty and
    expectation of a female knight.
[12:50] Dark
    That alone makes it worthwhile to go!
[12:52] Kaz
    Wait, what?
[12:53] Dark
    Huh? What is it?
[12:54] Dark
    Did I say something strange?
[12:57] Kaz
    I-I'll take care of this one later!
[13:00] Kaz
    You listen up, too, Megumin.
[13:02] Kaz
    Our opponent is the Devil King.
[13:04] Kaz
    We're picking a fight with the
    strongest being in this world.
[13:07] Kaz
    There's no need to force yourself
    to stay in a party like—
[13:11] Megu
    My name is Megumin!
[13:12] Megu
    I am a user of the finest magic
    crimson demons possess,
[13:15] Megu
    and I command explosion magic!
[13:17] Megu
    The Devil King fancies himself superior
    to us and dares call himself "strongest"!
[13:21] Megu
    I shall obliterate his vile presence
    with our strongest of magics!
[13:25] Kaz
    This one's a lost cause, too...
[13:26] Kaz
    What should I do?
[13:27] Kaz
    I made these two embarrassing
    girls even more motivated.
[13:30] Aqua
    Kazuma, Kazuma...
[13:32] Aqua
    I've kind of gotten cold feet
    now that I've heard all this.
[13:36] Aqua
    Isn't there some easier way?
[13:38] Kaz
    You should be the most motivated of all.
[13:40] Kaz
    In fact, this concerns you most of all.
[13:44] Luna
    Emergency quest! Emergency quest!
[13:47] Kaz
    What is it this time?
[13:48] Luna
    All adventurers, please gather
    at the front gate at once.
[13:51] Luna
    I repeat: all adventurers,
[13:54] Luna
    please gather at the front gate at once!
[13:59] A
    They're coming!
[14:00] B
    It can't be! No one told me
    it was happening today!
[14:03] C
    Don't let the children outside!
[14:04] D
    Oh, no! Oh, no!
[14:09] AdvA
    You're all ready for this, right?
[14:11] AdvB
    Better get psyched up!
[14:21] Kaz
    What is it? What's coming?
[14:23] Dark
    I'll protect everyone.
[14:25] Dark
    Kazuma, stay close to me.
[14:26] Kaz
    What's the emergency quest?
[14:28] Kaz
    Is it a monster attack?
[14:30] Aqua
    Didn't they say? It's cabbage. Cabbage!
[14:33] Kaz
    Huh?
[14:36] Ruffian
    Looks like it'll be rough this year...
[14:38] Megu
    A storm is coming.
[14:42] Adventurers
    Harvest time!
[14:45] Aqua
    Bring out the mayonnaise!
[14:54] Kaz
    What the hell is this?!
[14:58] Cab
    Cabbage, cabbage!
SIGN    Compulsory Quest
SIGN    Defeat All the Cabbages
    Flying into the City
[15:02] Ruffian
    Go!
[15:06] Aqua
    In this world, cabbages fly.
[15:08] Aqua
    When they reach optimal flavor
    and harvest season approaches,
[15:11] Aqua
    they don't just sit back and
    let themselves be eaten.
[15:16] Aqua
    It's said they careen through
    the cities and grasslands,
[15:19] Aqua
    cross the continent and ocean,
[15:22] Aqua
    and finally quietly pass away
[15:25] Aqua
    in a secluded region unknown
    to man, without being eaten.
[15:35] Aqua
    If that's the case,
[15:37] Aqua
    let's catch as many as possible,
[15:41] Aqua
    and make them into delicious meals to eat!
[15:44] Luna
    Everyone!
[15:46] Luna
    The annual cabbage harvesting
    season has arrived!
[15:49] Luna
    This year's cabbages are of fine quality,
[15:51] Luna
    and will go for 10,000
    eris per head harvested!
[15:54] Luna
    Please capture as many cabbages
    as you can and lock them up here!
[16:00] Kaz
    Can I just go home and go to bed?
[16:03] Dark
    Kazuma.
[16:04] Dark
    This is a perfect opportunity.
[16:06] Dark
    See my ability as a crusader
    with your own eyes.
[16:26] Kaz
    She's not hitting a single one!
[16:38] Dark
    Look out!
[16:52] Dark
    I'll handle this! Get away while you can!
[16:55] Kaz
    Darkness!
[17:03] Dark
    Wh-What?!
[17:05] Kaz
    Her armor!
[17:07] E
    I-It's no use!
[17:09] E
    Run away by yourself!
[17:11] Dark
    Don't be foolish!
[17:14] Kaz
    Darkness, you...
[17:17] Dark
    How could I ever abandon
[17:20] Dark
    those who have fallen?!
[17:24] 1
    She's a model knight!
[17:26] Woman
    Hurry and run away, Lady Knight!
[17:32] Dark
    They're watching me...
[17:37] Dark
    These uncultured men
[17:39] Dark
    are looking at my skin and getting aroused!
[17:42] Dark
    How shameful!
[17:44] Dark
    So filthy!
[17:46] Dark
    Incredible!
[17:47] Kaz
    She's enjoying it?!
[17:49] Adv
    I can't believe she's going to
    such lengths to protect him!
[17:52] Adv2
    As a knight, I must learn from her example.
[17:54] Kaz
    No! You guys have it all wrong!
[17:56] Megu
    None can stand in opposition
    of my lethal explosion magic.
[18:03] Kaz
    She's gonna give people the wrong idea, too!
[18:08] Megu
    Could I possibly resist the urge
    to unleash explosion magic
[18:10] Megu
    when faced with such a massive enemy army?
[18:14] Megu
    No, I can't!
[18:15] Kaz
    Yes, you can!
[18:17] Megu
    Oh, blackness shrouded in light...
[18:19] Megu
    Frenzied blaze clad in night...
[18:22] Megu
    In the name of the crimson demons,
[18:23] Megu
    let the collapse of thine origin manifest.
[18:26] Megu
    Summon before me the root of
    thy power hidden within the lands
[18:30] Megu
    of the kingdom of demise!
[18:33] Megu
    Explosion!
SIGN    Special Bonus
SIGN    Abundant Cabbage Harvest
[19:00] A
    Well, we won't run short on
    vegetables for a good while!
[19:03] Kaz
    I refuse to accept this.
[19:06] Kaz
    How can a simple cabbage stir-fry be so tasty?
[19:11] Kaz
    I didn't come to a parallel
    world to fight cabbage.
[19:15] Aqua
    I'd expect no less from a crusader.
[19:17] Aqua
    It's no surprise that
[19:19] Aqua
    those cabbages had a tough time
    breaching your iron-clad defenses.
[19:22] Dark
    No, I'm just a solidly-built woman.
[19:26] Dark
    Becoming a wall to protect
    someone is all I'm good for.
[19:29] Megu
    Aqua's Nature's Beauty was splendid, as well.
[19:32] Megu
    She boosted the morale of all the adventurers,
[19:35] Megu
    and preserved the freshness of the
    harvested cabbage with cold water.
[19:38] (Flashback) Aqua
    Nature's Beauty!
[19:40] (Flashback) Aqua
    Nature's Beauty!
[19:43] (Flashback) Aqua
    It was nothing.
[19:44] (Flashback) Aqua
    Here!
[19:44] Aqua
    That's only natural for an arch
    priest who heals everyone.
[19:45] (Flashback) ---
    Here!
[19:46] (Flashback) ---
    Here!
[19:47] (Flashback) Man
    Thank you.
[19:48] Kaz
    Is that important?
[19:50] Aqua
    An arch priest's magical water is very pure!
[19:53] ---
    Really?
[19:53] Dark
    Megumin's magic was astounding, too!
[19:55] ---
    Really?
[19:56] Dark
    You blew away the entire swarm
    of cabbages in a single blow!
[19:58] ---
    Really?
[19:59] Megu
    Have you now seen the power of
    the crimson demon bloodline?
[20:02] Dark
    Impressive.
[20:02] Dark
    Yes. I've never taken a direct
    hit with such firepower before.
[20:06] Kaz
    Don't let her hit you directly!
[20:15] Aqua
    Oh, Kazuma!
[20:16] Aqua
    You weren't half bad yourself!
[20:19] Megu
    Indeed.
[20:20] Megu
    When you erase your presence
    with the Lurk skill
[20:22] Megu
    Steal!
[20:22] Megu
    and attack the enemy from behind with Steal,
[20:26] Megu
    you look just like a skilled assassin.
[20:29] Aqua
    Kazuma, by my name,
[20:31] Aqua
    I hereby confer upon you the title
    of "The Great Cabbage Thief."
[20:35] Kaz
    Oh, shut up!
[20:36] Kaz
    Jeez, how did things end up like this?
[20:39] Dark
    Most importantly, you now understand
    my abilities as a crusader.
[20:45] Dark
    So, once more...
[20:46] Dark
    My name is Darkness.
[20:48] Dark
    I can use swords with either hand,
[20:50] Dark
    but don't expect me to be
    a powerhouse in battle.
[20:53] Dark
    I'm far too clumsy, and my attacks
    hardly ever hit their mark.
[20:56] Dark
    However, I'm very good at becoming a wall!
[20:59] Aqua
    Our party is turning out to have
    a pretty impressive roster, huh?
[21:04] Aqua
    There's me, an arch priest,
[21:06] Aqua
    Megumin, an arch wizard,
[21:08] Aqua
    and Darkness, a crusader.
[21:10] Aqua
    There aren't many parties where three out
    of four members are advanced job classes!
[21:17] Dark
    I'm looking forward to working with you.
[21:18] Kaz
    I wouldn't have any real reason to refuse
    if she were a normal ally, either.
[21:19] Megu
    Yes, pleased to have you.
[21:21] Kaz
    She's gorgeous, after all. But still...
[21:25] Dark
    So, Kazuma, please don't hesitate to use me
[21:28] Dark
    as a decoy or wall anytime from now on.
[21:32] Kaz
    She's one of those people...
[21:33] Kaz
    A total masochist.
[21:35] Kaz
    Although this seems like a perfect
    lineup, it's anything but.
[21:38] Kaz
    I foresee nothing but hardships in our future...
[21:42] Dark
    If I should do anything to hold back the party,
[21:44] Dark
    please reprimand me sternly.
[21:46] Dark
    You may even abandon me as
    a sacrificial pawn if you wish.
[21:50] Dark
    J-Just imagining it makes me
    tremble with excitement!
[21:56] Dark
    Once again, I'm looking
    forward to working with you!
SIGN    To my teacher at school. I'm currently learning in a parallel world... The workings of its society, what it is to be human, and what it means to be alive. It makes me grateful that all the wonderful events transpiring here make me grow as a person. I'm so grateful, it makes me tear up. There isn't a single night I haven't soaked my pillow in tears. Uh, I mean that in a good way. A good way, okay?
SIGN    Episode 4
SIGN    Explosion Magic for This Formidable Enemy!