E2 - Tension! Introductions

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    These are the rules for
    your new school liiiife.
SIGN    "School Rules" "Learn Hard" "Play Hard" "No Violence"
[00:06] ---
    You guy are now all fellow stuuuudents.
[00:09] ---
    So make sure you get aloonngg...
[00:11] ---
    Ros-chi!
SIGN    "School Rules" "Learn Hard" "Play Hard"
[00:13] ---
    I'm your teacher now.
[00:14] ---
    Mr. Ros-chi.
[00:16] ---
    What the heck are we doing here?
[00:18] ---
    School life.
[00:20] ---
    Yes. School life.
[00:22] ---
    The central facet of every young boy's life!
[00:27] ---
    But lots of my classmates
    are clearly not students!
SIGN    "School Rules" "Learn Hard" "Play Hard" "No Violence"
[00:37] ---
    You shouldn't judge people
    based on their appeaaaarance!
[00:41] ---
    You're a terrible boy, judging people
    by their appearances, Barusu.
[00:44] ---
    No, no, no.
[00:45] ---
    That is clearly not the issue here.
[00:49] ---
    So what you're telling us
[00:52] ---
    is that we need to have a "school life"
    together with the rest of the people here?
SIGN    "School Rules" "Learn Hard" "Play Hard"
[01:00] ---
    That would be correeeect!
[01:03] ---
    And if I refuse?
SIGN    "School Rules" "Learn Hard" "Play Hard"
[01:05] ---
    You can't refuse.
[01:08] ---
    You would be punished for
    violating the school rulllles.
[02:43] ---
    "Episode 2: Tension! Introductions"
[02:44] ---
    Stare...
[02:46] ---
    What is it, Kazuma?
[02:48] ---
    The clothes he's wearing.
[02:51] ---
    Oh, they're like the beat-up,
    stupid-looking clothes you were wearing.
[02:55] ---
    Did you have to put it that way?
[02:57] ---
    Subaru! Subaru!
[02:59] ---
    What's up?
[03:00] ---
    That man is staring at you.
[03:07] ---
    Barusu, what did you do?
[03:09] ---
    So we're assuming I did something, huh?
[03:12] ---
    I can't think of anything.
[03:14] ---
    Okay, everyoooone!
[03:16] ---
    "Introductions"
[03:16] ---
    It's time for introductioooons!
[03:20] ---
    Let's start with Subaaaru!
[03:23] ---
    Okay.
[03:26] ---
    My name is Natsuki Subaru!
[03:28] ---
    Not only am I clueless,
    I'm also broke beyond compare!
[03:32] ---
    Nice ta meet ya!
[03:36] ---
    It's good to see that
[03:38] ---
    no matter what world we find ourselves in,
    nobody thinks Barusu is funny.
[03:41] ---
    Did you have to say it like that?
[03:43] ---
    Okay, next.
[03:45] ---
    Okay!
[03:46] ---
    I-I'm Emilia. Nice to meet you.
[03:50] ---
    I'm Puck, the spirit!
[03:53] ---
    Lia... Oh, that's her.
[03:56] ---
    If you mess with Lia,
    you'll have me to answer to.
[03:59] ---
    Oh, Puck...
[04:02] ---
    A spirit and an elf... No, a half-elf?
[04:05] ---
    We can assume that their races are
    very similar to what's in Yggdrasil.
[04:10] ---
    I'm Ram.
[04:11] ---
    And this is my little sister, Rem.
[04:13] ---
    I'm Rem! Nice to meet you!
[04:16] ---
    I'm Beatrice.
[04:18] ---
    I don't really think it's
    nice to meet any of you.
[04:20] ---
    You'll never make 100 friends that way.
[04:23] ---
    And I've never wanted to!
[04:26] ---
    --You make me so mad! What is your problem?
[04:26] ---
    --Even a little girl like that?
[04:30] ---
    Now then, I suppose it's my turn.
[04:35] ---
    Imper--
[04:39] ---
    Imperial 203rd Aerial Mage Battalion
    Commander, Major Tanya von Degurechaff!
[04:45] ---
    1st Lieutenant Viktoriya Ivanovna
    Serebryakov, of the same!
[04:50] ---
    Captain Matheus Johann Weiss!
[04:52] ---
    1st Lieutenant Wilibald Koenig!
[04:55] ---
    1st Lieutenant Rhiner Neumann!
[04:57] ---
    1st Lieutenant Warren Grantz.
[05:02] ---
    Uwah... They're from some war world.
[05:07] ---
    Uwah... They're from some war world.
[05:11] ---
    Oh, that girl reminds me of you, Beako!
[05:14] ---
    Make sure you get along with her!
[05:15] ---
    How many times do I have to tell you?
[05:16] ---
    I'm older than you are,
[05:18] ---
    and I'm not making friends with anybody,
    no matter how old they are!
[05:21] ---
    Sure, whatever.
[05:22] ---
    Me! Me! It's my turn next, right?
[05:26] ---
    Ahem.
[05:29] ---
    I am the omnipotent goddess of wat--
[05:31] ---
    This is Aqua, everybody.
[05:33] ---
    I'm Kazuma.
[05:35] ---
    This is Megumin.
[05:36] ---
    And that thing there is Darkness.
[05:37] ---
    Hey! Kazuma!
[05:39] ---
    Don't ruin my awesome introduction!
[05:42] ---
    That's right! As the greatest of the crimson
    demons, this is my time to shine!
[05:46] ---
    He called me "that thing."
[05:49] ---
    I'm being treated as if I were an object...
[05:51] ---
    Are you listening, Kazuma?
[05:53] ---
    Kazuma!
[05:54] ---
    "Introductions"
[05:55] ---
    --Okay, you're all that's leeeeft!
[05:58] ---
    Wait, is my introduction really over? Really?
[06:05] ---
    It seems for the moment, we have no choice
    but to enjoy a "school life" here.
[06:10] ---
    I'll go first.
[06:14] ---
    I am none other than Ains Ooal Gown,
    lord of the Great Tomb of Nazarick!
[06:26] ---
    Oh, you there, girl.
[06:28] ---
    Are you not feeling weeeell?
[06:31] ---
    What are you talking about?
[06:33] ---
    Seeing Ains in his full glory has stirred
    something deep within my loins.
[06:38] ---
    Well, that's really soooomething.
[06:42] ---
    Well, we can move on for now
    and do your introduction later--
[06:46] ---
    Impossible!
[06:47] ---
    I cannot remain silent when
    my lord has already spoken!
[06:52] ---
    Everyone, it is time for Nazarick
    to demonstrate its power!
[06:55] ---
    Right!
[06:57] ---
    Shalltear Bloodfallen, floor guardian
    of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd floors!
[07:02] ---
    Cocytus, floor guardian of the 5th floor.
[07:06] ---
    Aura Bella Fiora, guardian of the 6th floor!
[07:09] ---
    Mare Bello Fiore,
    also guardian of the 6th floor!
[07:12] ---
    Demiurge, guardian of the 7th floor.
[07:16] ---
    And I am the Overseer of Nazarick
    floor guardians. Albedo.
[07:29] ---
    "Introductions"
[07:29] ---
    Oh, my...
[07:31] ---
    We really have a variety of
    students here, don't weeee?
[07:41] ---
    I'm undead, so I'm not
    supposed to get tired, but...
[07:45] ---
    I'm so tired...
[07:49] ---
    Still, transported to another world.
[07:51] ---
    And I still have this body, too?
[07:55] ---
    What am I supposed to do?
[08:02] ---
    Who are you?
[08:04] ---
    You... undead, and his friends!
[08:09] ---
    I still don't know what
    kind of world this is,
[08:12] ---
    but no matter where we are, as a god,
    I cannot allow you to walk around freely!
[08:18] ---
    A god, you say?
[08:21] ---
    That's right. Be grateful!
[08:23] ---
    I, Aqua, the goddess of the Order of Axis,
    the goddess of water,
[08:28] ---
    shall personally send you to your next lives!
[08:34] ---
    Aqua!
[08:35] ---
    Are you really trying to start a fight
    on your first day of school?
[08:38] ---
    But he's an undead!
[08:41] ---
    And then there's a demon and a vampire...
[08:43] ---
    They're very clearly evil!
[08:46] ---
    As a goddess, I have to do something!
[08:49] ---
    --I said wait!
    --Turn Undead!
[08:51] ---
    Turn Undead...
[08:53] ---
    That's a low level spell.
[08:59] ---
    A normal Turn Undead from her
    packs this kind of power?
[09:05] ---
    My Turn Undead didn't work?
[09:09] ---
    You hit me!
[09:10] ---
    You hit me twice!
[09:12] ---
    I get it. I get it.
[09:13] ---
    --What? Let me go!
    --I get it, but we're leaving!
[09:15] ---
    Why? Hey!
[09:17] ---
    Why are we leaving?
[09:18] ---
    Stop it!
[09:20] ---
    --I'm really sorry.
    --Let me go!
[09:23] ---
    Oh, no. It's okay.
[09:24] ---
    Let me go!
[09:26] ---
    I'll get you, you undead!
[09:28] ---
    I'll banish you from this world!
[09:31] ---
    A goddess who can make me
    feel pain even at level 100.
[09:35] ---
    And a human who casually
    punches such a goddess.
[09:39] ---
    This world...
[09:42] ---
    ...has some serious power balance issues!
[09:49] ---
    Aqua was violent towards
    one of her friends yesterday,
[09:54] ---
    so as punishment she has to
    stand in the haaallway.
[09:56] ---
    It's their fault, not mine!
[09:58] ---
    Their fault!
[10:00] ---
    Hey! Looking good, water goddess!
[10:02] ---
    You ratted me out to the teacher, didn't you?
[10:04] ---
    Let me help hold one of the buckets, please!
[10:09] ---
    You need to hold the buckets in a
    more elegant way. Let me hold one.
[10:13] ---
    At least let me use a finger, Aqua!
[11:34] ---
    "Principal's Office"
[11:34] ---
    How are our new students doing?
[11:39] ---
    They're very interesting.
[11:41] ---
    But they stiiiill haven't quite
    opened up to each other.
[11:44] ---
    Then why don't we try "that"?
[11:47] ---
    "That"?
[11:51] ---
    
[11:53] ---