E1 - Come Together! Quartet

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:08] ---
    --A bath! Let me take a bath!
[00:08] ---
    --Wait! First we need to go through the
    stuff we got for completing the quest.
[00:10] ---
    --Wait! First we need to go through the
    stuff we got for completing the quest.
[00:11] ---
    We can do that later! Look at me!
[00:14] ---
    I'm covered in giant toad gunk!
[00:16] ---
    That happens to you like every day!
[00:18] ---
    ...is what I think, but I won't say it.
[00:20] ---
    You just said it!
[00:22] ---
    Doesn't it bother you, letting a goddess
    like me look like this, you shut-in NEET?
[00:27] ---
    I am not a shut-in NEET!
[00:29] ---
    And anyway, you only ended up like that
    because you ran ahead of the rest of us.
[00:34] ---
    It's your own fault, you useless goddess.
[00:36] ---
    He called me a useless goddess!
[00:38] ---
    --Kazuma called me a useless goddess again!
[00:40] ---
    --What's this?
[00:44] ---
    So our plan is to manipulate the
    Kingdom of Re-Estize from the shadows,
[00:48] ---
    while making an ally of the Baharuth Empire
[00:51] ---
    as we maintain a close eye on them.
[00:53] ---
    These two operations will form the first step
[00:55] ---
    of our strategy to establish
    the Great Tomb of Nazarick,
[01:00] ---
    and the newly-created Sorcerer Kingdom
    of Ains Ooal Gown, as a world power.
[01:03] ---
    Well done, Albedo.
[01:05] ---
    Lord Ains.
[01:06] ---
    What is it, Demiurge?
[01:08] ---
    If I may be permitted to speak.
[01:11] ---
    Very well. Speak your mind.
[01:14] ---
    I have received word of a strange
    phenomenon occurring within Nazarick itself.
[01:19] ---
    A strange phenomenon?
[01:22] ---
    Yes. I have yet to witness it myself,
[01:25] ---
    but putting together the available data,
[01:27] ---
    it seems that the phenomenon involves
[01:31] ---
    the sudden appearance of
    a button with a switch on it.
[01:35] ---
    So we're under attack from another power?
[01:38] ---
    --Oh, Kazuma. What's that?
[01:39] ---
    --I cannot envision any power
[01:41] ---
    --capable of entering Nazarick
    without our being aware of it.
[01:42] ---
    --It seems to be some kind of button.
[01:45] ---
    --It's clearly suspicious.
[01:46] ---
    --Agreed.
[01:47] ---
    But there are no absolutes in this world.
[01:49] ---
    --Let's push it!
[01:50] ---
    --We must keep in mind every possibility,
    and prepare for each one.
[01:50] ---
    --Were you listening to what I just said?
[01:55] ---
    Give an order to everyone within Nazarick!
[01:57] ---
    If any of these mysterious buttons are found,
[02:00] ---
    use the messaging function to
    share its location immediately!
[02:03] ---
    Then carefully follow our
    trap-disarming routines!
[02:07] ---
    Yes, sir!
[02:09] ---
    Well, I'd imagine you would do this
    without me needing to tell you.
[02:13] ---
    Your words honor us.
[02:15] ---
    Is it really a "trap"?
[02:17] ---
    A button seems like something
    a kid would dream up.
[02:20] ---
    Who'd be stupid enough to push a button
    that just appeared out of nowhere?
[02:25] ---
    Only a complete newbie.
[02:27] ---
    Why can't I push it?
[02:29] ---
    --Let me do it! Just a little!
[02:31] ---
    --It's obviously suspicious!
    --Let me do it! Just a little!
[02:32] ---
    --It's obviously suspicious!
[02:33] ---
    We should have Vanir take a look at it.
[02:36] ---
    Kazuma is completely correct.
[02:38] ---
    Megumin!
[02:39] ---
    --You crimson demons are smart! You get it!
[02:42] ---
    --But if you're asking me
    whether or not we should push it...
[02:47] ---
    --...I think we should!
[02:48] ---
    --Hey!
    --...I think we should!
[02:49] ---
    --Hey!
[02:55] ---
    I told you it was a trap!
[02:58] ---
    What kind of trap will I be forced to endure?
[03:00] ---
    Will I be frozen in place
[03:02] ---
    and turned into someone's
    plaything before being sold...
[03:06] ---
    This is not the time to be happy, Darkness!
[03:09] ---
    And you'd damn well better
    wipe that smirk off your face!
[03:13] ---
    Kazuma! The world's getting all weird!
[03:16] ---
    --Kazuma!
[03:17] ---
    --Shut up!
    --Kazuma!
[03:24] ---
    Is something wrong?
[03:26] ---
    No, it's nothing. Continue.
[03:30] ---
    --Now, on to our topic of discussion for today:
    what to do about the Baharuth Empire.
[03:34] ---
    --What was that just now?
[03:36] ---
    --In the last war, they
    shared in our victory,
[03:40] ---
    but they fear Ains' power so much
    that many of the knights are deserting,
[03:43] ---
    to the point where it threatens
    the emperor's rule...
[05:16] ---
    "Episode 1: Come Together! Quartet"
[05:27] ---
    Wh-What is this place?
[05:29] ---
    This seems to be a different
    world than our own.
[05:34] ---
    W-Wait, did we just get
    transported to another world?
[05:38] ---
    Excuse me!
[05:40] ---
    I had a question. Where are we?
[05:47] ---
    I'm back? But something seems different...
[05:50] ---
    Hey! Hey! Kazuma! Kazuma!
[05:53] ---
    Kazuma, look over there! That's an undead!
[05:56] ---
    And it's got monsters with it!
[05:59] ---
    Our resistance is about to prove futile
    as they have their wicked way with us...
[06:05] ---
    Looks like it's time to show off
    my explosion magic!
[06:08] ---
    --Hang on a second! I'm thinking!
[06:09] ---
    --My crimson demon blood
    is running hot in my veins...
[06:12] ---
    Well stop thinking and get with the program!
[06:14] ---
    I'm about to use it.
[06:15] ---
    --No, I need to go out there first and...
[06:17] ---
    --No, I'll go first.
    --No, I need to go out there first and...
[06:18] ---
    --No, I'll go first.
    --If they're undead,
    it's okay for me to hit them, right!
[06:19] ---
    --If they're undead,
    it's okay for me to hit them, right!
[06:21] ---
    With one of my holy punches!
[06:22] ---
    Would you guys shut up?!
[06:26] ---
    It's time for class to begin!
[06:31] ---
    "Class 2"
[06:41] ---
    What's going on here? What is this place?
[06:45] ---
    Remember!
[06:46] ---
    You were born in a world
    of scientific civilization
[06:49] ---
    and grew up in one of the ethical
    and moral nations on the planet.
[06:52] ---
    You were a businessman, a superior being
    in both the social and biological senses.
[06:55] ---
    But a creature known as "Being X"
    forced you to be reborn as a weakling,
[06:58] ---
    a little girl, in an unscientific world.
[07:00] ---
    And for some reason, for some reason,
[07:03] ---
    you were forced into a war
    filled with magic and bombs!
[07:08] ---
    And then...
[07:10] ---
    ...you were forced to participate in the
    testing of a new computation jewel
[07:14] ---
    made by that accursed Schugel...
[07:21] ---
    What are you doing?
[07:23] ---
    It's going to explode!
[07:25] ---
    Press the button for the
    jewel expansion, now!
[07:28] ---
    --But this defective piece of junk doesn't
    look at all like it did in the manual!
[07:30] ---
    --Did you just call it a piece of junk?
[07:33] ---
    This is a masterpiece! An upgraded
    version of the Elenium Type-97!
[07:38] ---
    Listen up, you mad scientist!
[07:41] ---
    When you put two buttons in the same place,
    I'm not going to know which one to push!
[07:45] ---
    What are you talking about?
    There's only one button!
[07:52] ---
    There are two buttons, not one! Two buttons!
[07:55] ---
    Have you gone crazy?
[07:58] ---
    I don't want to hear that from you!
[07:59] ---
    Push the damn button, now!
[08:01] ---
    That's an order!
[08:03] ---
    An O-R-D-E-R!
[08:07] ---
    There's nothing worse than
    working for the government.
[08:10] ---
    A single order can strip away all your
    human rights and common sense!
[08:14] ---
    Fine then, I'll push them both!
[08:17] ---
    Yeah, I'll push them all right!
[08:21] ---
    And now I'm here...
[08:26] ---
    At first glance it looks like my old world.
[08:29] ---
    But...
[08:32] ---
    --Why did you do what they told you to?
[08:33] ---
    --Are those guys from
    some kind of fantasy world?
[08:34] ---
    --You came with me, right?
[08:36] ---
    --Well, the guy with the mustache was scary!
[08:36] ---
    --They've got really crappy
    equipment for adventurers.
[08:38] ---
    --They've got really crappy
    equipment for adventurers.
[08:41] ---
    And these guys... ain't even human.
[08:45] ---
    Do I just have to assume it's another trick
    by that self-proclaimed god, Being X?
[08:52] ---
    Um, I think it's really bad
    to run in the hallways!
[08:56] ---
    It's Barusu's fault that we had to run.
[08:59] ---
    I think you should apologize.
[09:01] ---
    Don't blame me for the fact that
    you couldn't wake up on time!
[09:05] ---
    Subaru, are you okay?
[09:06] ---
    Yeah. I had to go through hell
    to get the happiness I have here.
[09:11] ---
    It's a little weird, but let's
    ignore that, and for now...
[09:16] ---
    ...have a fun school life every day!
[09:23] ---
    What the hell is going on here?
[09:27] ---
    There's more of them.
[09:29] ---
    Lord Ains, let's slaughter them all.
[09:31] ---
    Wait. First, we need to gather information.
[09:34] ---
    Understood.
[09:35] ---
    This is kind of a bad situation, isn't it?
[09:38] ---
    Don't worry! You've got me,
    a goddess, on your side!
[09:42] ---
    Leave everything to me!
[09:43] ---
    That's why the situation's bad.
[09:45] ---
    If this is some new trial Being X
    came up with, then great!
[09:48] ---
    Whatever he's planning,
    I'll wreck it, and then I'll teach him!
[09:52] ---
    Major? Major...
[09:56] ---
    What's going on here?
[09:58] ---
    There's a lot of people
    here who aren't normal.
[10:00] ---
    Barusu, there's too little
    information to act.
[10:03] ---
    For now, go sacrifice yourself.
[10:04] ---
    It's already decided I'm
    going to sacrifice myself, huh?
[10:06] ---
    Don't worry. I'll protect both of you.
[10:10] ---
    Hey, Subaru.
[10:12] ---
    There's a whole lot of new friends here, huh?
[10:16] ---
    Even in a situation like this,
    you're still staying positive!
[10:19] ---
    You're an angel, Emilia!
[10:21] ---
    "Principal's Office"
[10:27] ---
    So their school life is about to begin, huh?
[10:32] ---
    
[10:34] ---