E5 - Explosion! Talent Show

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    Okay, let's get this talent show staaarted.
[00:06] ---
    I've got pieces of paper in here
    with everybody's naaames.
[00:09] ---
    I'll draw them one at a time,
[00:10] ---
    and when your name is called,
    you'll show us your taleeent!
[00:15] ---
    The first name is...
[00:19] ---
    ...Mr. Rerugen!
[00:21] ---
    What?
[01:52] ---
    "Explosion! Talent Show"
[01:52] ---
    M-Mr. Roswaal, why do I have to participate?
[01:56] ---
    Because Mr. Roswaal said,
[01:59] ---
    "Wouldn't it be fuuuun?"
[02:02] ---
    That settles it, then.
[02:06] ---
    We're all going to be
    friends here, after allll.
[02:06] ---
    "Rerugen"
[02:10] ---
    You should go first and set an exaaaample.
[02:16] ---
    I am Erich von Rerugen, TA of Class 2.
[02:19] ---
    I humbly submit my performance
    of our Empire's national anthem.
[02:36] ---
    Are you seeing this, Kazuma?
[02:37] ---
    Yes, I am Kazuma. And yes, I am seeing this.
[02:39] ---
    --He's humiliating himself!
    --He sure is.
[02:41] ---
    Everyone, both human and inhuman,
    is looking at him with eyes filled with derision.
[02:45] ---
    Poor guy.
[02:46] ---
    In this moment, he is the most humiliated
    being of any race on the planet!
[02:51] ---
    Wait, haven't I seen this before?
[02:52] ---
    S-Stop it... Please stop.
[02:56] ---
    I wish everyone looked at me this way!
[02:58] ---
    --There she goes...
[02:58] ---
    --Looked at me with eyes that say,
    "How can you even bear to be alive?"
[03:06] ---
    Kill me.
[03:08] ---
    Now, who's next?
[03:11] ---
    Oh! It's Subaru!
[03:12] ---
    "Subaru"
[03:13] ---
    Heck yeah!
[03:15] ---
    Thanks to Mr. Rerugen, anything I do
    is going to look great by comparison.
[03:19] ---
    Sure, but I can't imagine you
    having anything worth showing.
[03:22] ---
    I thought you'd say that, sis.
[03:25] ---
    But I do have one amazing talent.
[03:28] ---
    That was amazing, Subaru!
[03:30] ---
    I haven't done it yet.
[03:33] ---
    Now, in my hands I've got
    an ordinary length of string.
[03:37] ---
    It hasn't been cut in any way
    and there are no knots.
[03:40] ---
    But if I do this... and
    this, and then this...
[03:46] ---
    Tokyo Tower!
[03:51] ---
    No! I knew it was boring!
[03:54] ---
    No, I was extremely impressed!
[03:57] ---
    I have no idea what you did, but still...
[03:59] ---
    Okay, next!
[04:01] ---
    "Rem"
[04:01] ---
    Oh, it's Reeem!
[04:04] ---
    Okay!
[04:17] ---
    Impressive.
[04:19] ---
    Tremendous skill is required
    to accurately strike a target
[04:21] ---
    with an object of such mass.
[04:23] ---
    Of course. Rem is very good at her job.
[04:25] ---
    But not nearly as good you, sister.
[04:28] ---
    The red-headed girl possesses even more
    impressive combat capabilities, then?
[04:33] ---
    That was freezing!
[04:35] ---
    Everybody's really amazing, huh, Major?
[04:36] ---
    --But don't you think that was
    a waste of a watermelon?
[04:37] ---
    --I see.
[04:38] ---
    --So the point of this exercise is to
    show our strength to the other groups.
[04:38] ---
    --But don't you think that
    was a waste of a watermelon?
[04:40] ---
    --So the point of this exercise is to
    show our strength to the other groups.
[04:40] ---
    --If she was going to destroy
    it, she could've given it to me!
[04:42] ---
    --I've been able to make contact with the top
    of the most dangerous-looking group,
[04:42] ---
    --Okay, time to draw the next name!
[04:46] ---
    but I can't let my guard down.
[04:47] ---
    --From the look of things,
    --Here I go!
[04:50] ---
    we're not anywhere near
    the strongest here.
[04:52] ---
    It would be foolish to show them
    the extent of our power
[04:53] ---
    --and have them think we're easily defeated.
[04:54] ---
    --Oh, it's Weiss next.
    --and have them think we're easily defeated.
[04:55] ---
    --Oh, it's Weiss next.
[04:57] ---
    Yes, sir!
[04:58] ---
    Well, Weiss won't do anything dumb, I'm sure.
[05:02] ---
    I am Matheus Johann Weiss, of the
    Imperial 203rd Aerial Mage Battalion!
[05:06] ---
    I have no particular talents, so the least
    I can do is remove my first button!
[05:12] ---
    --Interference spell!
    --I will now...
[05:21] ---
    I'm sorry you all had to see that!
[05:23] ---
    --I hope she does that to me, too!
[05:24] ---
    --Maybe I was wrong when
    I said we could get along...
[05:25] ---
    --Why don't you shut up, Darkness?
[05:27] ---
    "Darkness"
[05:27] ---
    Next up is Darkneeeess.
[05:31] ---
    I can't do this alone, so...
[05:36] ---
    Can someone help me?
[05:39] ---
    Me! I'll help, then!
[05:41] ---
    Why is he volunteering?
[05:44] ---
    No idea.
[05:46] ---
    My talent is my strong body.
[05:50] ---
    In order to show this,
[05:52] ---
    I'm going to have this tough-looking
    man punish me with his whip.
[06:01] ---
    Now, man in military clothes!
[06:03] ---
    Punish me mercilessly with
    your whip like you always do!
[06:07] ---
    I do not always whip you!
[06:11] ---
    That man is a scumbag.
[06:13] ---
    A disgrace to the warrior ethic.
[06:15] ---
    He really is a scumbag.
[06:17] ---
    No, no, no...
[06:19] ---
    Hey, mister.
[06:21] ---
    You need to treat women with respect!
[06:24] ---
    I didn't do anything, though!
[06:26] ---
    --Right?
    --Hmph!
[06:27] ---
    Don't avert your eyes!
[06:30] ---
    Lt. Grantz...
[06:32] ---
    You're a scumbag, aren't you?
[06:35] ---
    Come on, do it!
[06:38] ---
    Or is your friend going to join in?
[06:40] ---
    Are the two of you going to
    have your way with me?
[06:43] ---
    How terrible!
[06:45] ---
    But I shall endure!
[06:48] ---
    How did I get caught up in this?
[06:50] ---
    --Hurry up and do it!
    --You really are a scumbag, Barusu.
[06:52] ---
    A disgrace to the warrior ethic.
[06:54] ---
    I don't mind Subaru when he's that way.
[06:56] ---
    --Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
[06:57] ---
    --I'm sorry. I'm sorry she's such a pervert.
    --Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
[06:59] ---
    I'm really sorry!
[07:01] ---
    IseQuar!
[07:03] ---
    It's Aqua's turn.
[07:03] ---
    "Aqua"
[07:05] ---
    Really?
[07:07] ---
    What's wrong? Just do your
    "Nature's Beauty!" like you always do.
[07:12] ---
    Listen, we've been over this.
[07:14] ---
    I don't do tricks on command.
[07:16] ---
    Well, that's a proooblem..
[07:20] ---
    Magic's okay, too, right?
[07:23] ---
    Sure, as long as you've got something
    that'll surprise the claaass!
[07:28] ---
    Okay, I'll show you something special, then!
[07:31] ---
    An ultimate spell only usable by a goddess!
[07:33] ---
    Sacred Turn Undead!
[07:35] ---
    Are you trying to vaporize your classmates?
[07:38] ---
    But it's not fair that I have to be in the
    same class with those defiled creatures!
[07:41] ---
    I'm a goddess, you know!
[07:44] ---
    So there you goooo.
[07:47] ---
    Aqua's talent was a husband
    and wife comedy routine.
[07:50] ---
    --Wait!
    --Hang on!
[07:51] ---
    IseQuar!
[07:54] ---
    We're almost out of time.
[07:57] ---
    I wish there was time for everybody,
[07:58] ---
    but I think we'll call it a day
    after the next twoooo.
[08:01] ---
    Anybody who wants a go, raise your haaaand.
[08:07] ---
    Darkness has already humiliated us.
[08:10] ---
    Aqua's already made us look like idiots.
[08:12] ---
    Megumin, how about you
    don't make it any worse?
[08:15] ---
    Don't be silly. You know I'm not
    going to miss an opportunity like this.
[08:20] ---
    You don't have any hidden talents, though.
[08:23] ---
    I do.
[08:24] ---
    Do not.
[08:25] ---
    Do, too!
[08:26] ---
    Fine. What is it?
[08:28] ---
    --I have my explosion magic, the strongest,
    most powerful magic in the world!
[08:32] ---
    --That's the same thing you always do!
[08:33] ---
    IseQuar!
[08:35] ---
    We don't want you firing
    that off in the claaassroom.
[08:39] ---
    So I've prepared a target for you heeeere.
[08:45] ---
    I'd prefer a target that wasn't
    a bronze statue, but thank you!
[08:49] ---
    You sure about this, sir?
[08:50] ---
    She may be off her rocker,
    but her explosion magic really is amazing!
[08:57] ---
    I'd love to see it, then.
[08:59] ---
    You undead guys are in
    for a real treat, then!
[09:03] ---
    Behold the power of the greatest archwizard
    of the crimson demons, Megumin!
[09:07] ---
    Within this power dwells a shining light.
[09:09] ---
    It guides the unseen to me,
[09:12] ---
    and calls to me from within the chaos.
[09:14] ---
    In this moment, explosion magic beckons me!
[09:18] ---
    Strike my foe! Explosion!
[09:31] ---
    That felt so good!
[09:33] ---
    She wasn't lying. That was really impressive.
[09:38] ---
    Perhaps this is a good
    time to end the show...
[09:41] ---
    No, not yet.
[09:42] ---
    Oh?
[09:44] ---
    That spell was incredible.
[09:49] ---
    I feel fortunate to have witnessed it.
[09:51] ---
    I would like to take this opportunity
    to show a talent of my own.
[09:54] ---
    And what would that be?
[09:57] ---
    Let me see...
[10:01] ---
    When I was a salaryman, I only ever
    had to do a talent show thing once.
[10:06] ---
    It was at a New Year's party
    for a really terrible client.
[10:09] ---
    A lot of people took turns,
[10:11] ---
    but after we left the venue,
[10:13] ---
    this was the one that got
    everybody most excited.
[10:19] ---
    How can he use so many magic circles?
[10:24] ---
    His power is increeedible.
[10:46] ---
    Is this...?
[10:54] ---
    That's amazing, Lord Ains!
[10:56] ---
    All this snow... Unbelievable.
[10:58] ---
    Amazing! Truly amazing!
[11:01] ---
    Of course! He is the supreme lord, after all!
[11:04] ---
    Yes, this is only natural.
[11:07] ---
    This... This coldness!
[11:09] ---
    Um... help me up. Somebody help me up.
[11:13] ---
    Well, that wasn't bad, I guess.
[11:14] ---
    --Um... it's really cold.
    --It wasn't that impressive, though.
[11:16] ---
    --Um... it's really cold.
    --Cocytus looks like General Winter.
[11:18] ---
    Don't say that! You'll make me remember!
[11:20] ---
    Not bad, Ains.
[11:22] ---
    Grantz! Lt. Grantz!
[11:24] ---
    What happened to him?
[11:25] ---
    He passed out and is foaming at the mouth.
[11:27] ---
    He's probably remembering his trauma
    at the winter combat practice grounds.
[11:31] ---
    I'm cold.
[11:33] ---
    Subaru, I think this is the perfect time
    to drink some of that stuff.
[11:36] ---
    Not when we're students.
[11:38] ---
    This feels good, huh, Lia?
[11:40] ---
    Yeah.
[11:41] ---
    
[11:43] ---