E5 - The Nice Bird SAGA in Your Heart

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Sakura
    Last time on Zombie Land Saga!
[00:02] Sakura
    We ran out of budget even though
    we've barely done anything yet,
[00:05] Sakura
    so we took our first offer for a paid job!
[00:08] Sakura
    It was at a hot springs, of all places!
[00:10] Sakura
    We got to relax and take in the sights.
    It was kinda fun!
[00:13] Sakura
    The show went great, and we were so excited
[00:15] Sakura
    we couldn't control our girlish whimsy and
    dove into the springs after being told not to!
[00:19] Sakura
    Then we ran through the inn
    with our zombieness exposed,
[00:21] Sakura
    which ended with our chance for
    a partnership going up in smoke!
[00:23] Sakura
    Sakura really goofed this time!
     Sowwy evewybody!
SIGN    Tatsumi Academy
    
    Franchouchou High
[00:33] Kotaro
    All right, play ball!
[00:35] Kotaro
    We've got the championship game to determine
    the ultimate idol high school today!
[00:38] Kotaro
    After an interesting game, we're in the
    ninth inning with three runs apiece!
SIGN    Tatsumi Academy
    
     Franchouchou High
[00:41] Kotaro
    Will Franchouchou High School be able to
    hold it together through this inning?
[00:44] Kotaro
    Pitching is their ace, Saki Nikaido!
[00:47] Kotaro
    This is the first pitch. There it goes!
[00:49] Kotaro
    Blammo!
[00:52] Kotaro
    And that's a home ruuuu—
[00:59] Kotaro
    Owie...
[01:00] Saki
    That hurt, prick! I'm gonna kill you!
[01:02] Kotarro
    Dirt... The dirt...
[01:04] Kotarro
    The dirt... The dirt...
[01:04] Sakura
    Uh, what exactly are you doing?
[01:07] Kotaro
    I'm picking up some dirt off the field!
[01:09] Kotaro
    Competitive fields are cruel, y'know!
[01:11] Kotaro
    The second you let your guard
    down, it can all fall apart!
[01:14] Sakura
    O-Okay.
[01:16] Kotaro
    I'm trying to say that if you get lazy,
    you're gonna be in for-real trouble,
[01:19] Kotaro
    you dim-witted zombies!
[01:21] Kotaro
    You haven't forgotten that little "hey, we're
    zombies" mess at the resort, have you?
[01:25] Sakura
    No.
[01:26] Kotaro
    You wanna get talked about,
     make sure it's because you're idols!
[01:29] Kotaro
    We haven't gotten any further
    operating budget thanks to you!
[01:31] Ai
    I'm pretty sure that's your fault.
[01:33] Kotaro
    Well, I happen to have arranged a gig
[01:36] Kotaro
    that even you slobs will be able
    to hit a grand-slam home run with!
[01:40] Kotaro
    Starting today, we're gonna
    try to raise our profile!
[01:42] Kotaro
    And the first step is having you appear in
    a commercial for a certain mega-famous business!
[01:47] Sakura
    We're getting offers for commercials?
[01:50] Kotaro
    I know, right?
[01:51] Kotaro
    You guys are gonna be so shocked
    your hearts might start beating!
[01:54] Kotaro
    Listen up... The mega-famous business
    that's hired you for this commercial...
[01:58] Kotaro
    is the famous Drive-In Tori!
SIGN    Drive-In Tori
SIGN    Episode 5 The Nice Bird SAGA in Your Heart
[02:12] Intro
    Even if we're dead, we want to
    make our dreams come true...
[02:14] Intro
    No, even if we're dead, we
    will make them come true!
[02:17] Intro
    Is that despair? Or is it hope?
[02:19] Intro
    We'll overcome a harsh fate, and even if
    we don't have a pulse, we'll press on!
[02:23] Intro
    Because that is our saga!
[03:37] CM
    Yakitori number one, chicken and rice
    number two, salad's number three for nutrition!
[03:41] CM
    Service with a smile,
    come on and get your fill!
[03:43] Saki
    Holy crap... It's really Drive Tori...
[03:46] Sakura
    Say what?
[03:46] CM
    Fresh, tasty, and fun! Bring all your friends!
    We're here for you every day...
[03:47] Saki
    Are you stupid?!
[03:48] Saki
    It's Drive Tori! I will kill you!
[03:51] Saki
    Sorry! I've never heard of them!
[03:52] CM
    at Drive-In Tori!
[03:52] Lily
    I've heard of them but never been.
[03:54] Saki
    Unbelievable...
[03:56] Saki
    All of you fail at Saga!
SIGN    Saga Fail
[04:00] Sakura
    Is it that famous?
[04:02] Kotaro
    You'll all learn how amazing
    Drive Tori is in time.
[04:05] Saki
    When?! When's the job?!
[04:07] Kotaro
    Right now!
SIGN    Yakitori Number One,
     Chicken and Rice Number Two
    
    Drive-In Tori
[04:15] Sakura
    Kinda... has that local business feel, huh?
[04:18] Junko
    Mega-famous business...
[04:21] Saki
    The homey feel! It's still the same!
SIGN    Take the Nation
[04:30] Saki
    Back when I spent every day and
    night tearing up the roads,
[04:34] Saki
    we'd always hit this place
    after raising some hell.
[04:39] Saki
    I remember I always got the
    number one meal with the gang.
[04:43] Saki
    With a side of lettuce.
[04:46] Sakura
    You really were a wild girl, huh, Saki-chan?
SIGN    Yakitori Number One,
     Chicken and Rice Number Two
    
    Drive-In Tori
[04:49] Lily
    That bird's not very cute.
[04:51] Saki
    Damn it, shrimpy! Don't you dare insult
    Drive Tori's immortal Cocco-san!
[04:55] Sakura
    Cocco-san?
[04:56] Kotaro
    What the fudge are you girls doing?!
    Move it already!
[04:58] Owner
    This is the president of Drive-In Tori.
[05:02] Prez
    Hello. It's nice to meet you all.
[05:04] FCC
    Good after—
[05:05] Saki
    Sir, yes, sir!
[05:07] Lily
    Loud.
[05:09] Prez
    I appreciate you all coming out.
[05:11] Prez
    I'm looking forward to seeing you
    all advertise our restaurant.
[05:14] Prez
    Why don't we start by heading inside so you
    can try some of our signature grilled chicken?
[05:18] FCC
    Thank y—
[05:19] Saki
    Sir, yes, sir!
[05:31] Prez
    Most people think of beef when it
    comes to yakiniku-style grilling,
[05:34] Prez
    but in Saga, it's all about chicken.
[05:39] Saki
    Sakura! Try some of that sauce,
    and the garlic pepper!
[05:43] Sakura
    Okay.
[05:44] Saki
    All right, this one's looking pretty good.
[05:45] Lily
    Hey, I was cooking that one!
[05:49] Ai
    Why don't you get that one,
    Lily? It's already well done.
[05:52] Lily
    But I was cooking the other one!
[05:53] Yugiri
    What are you looking at there, Junko-han?
[05:55] Junko
    The honey and black vinegar
     Calpis sounds good...
[05:59] President
    And that sums up the seven
    principals of Drive-In Tori.
[06:02] Kotaro
    Oh, I see—
[06:03] Kotaro
    Would it kill you all to listen?!
[06:06] Prez
    No, it's okay. It's great to see
    that they're enjoying the food.
[06:11] Sakura
    The food really is amazing!
[06:13] Prez
    I'm glad to hear that.
    All our chicken is fresh—
[06:16] Lily
    Aw, Tae-chan's eating raw chicken!
[06:22] Prez
    Uh, it's not that fresh...
[06:26] Kotaro
    Now, then...
[06:27] Kotaro
    Shall we discuss the details of the shoot?
[06:29] Prez
    Sure.
[06:37] Saki
    Freaking sweet!
[06:38] Junko
    The first outfit we wear other
    than T-shirts... and it's this.
[06:42] Ai
    Well, it's all so we can get
    some real outfits someday.
[06:44] Sakura
    That looks great on you, Junko-chan!
[06:47] Junko
    It does?
[06:48] Lily
    You're so cute, Yugirin!
[06:50] Yugiri
    I wouldn't have minded an outfit
    like this in my old line of work.
[06:52] AD
    All right, is everybody ready to get started?!
SIGN    Commercial shoot!!!
     No talking!!
     Featuring
    Franchouchou
     Number 0
     Number 1
    Number 2
    Number 3
[06:56] AD
    First up,
[06:57] AD
    I wanna introduce the girls from Franchouchou
    who are gonna be in the commercial today!
[07:00] AD
    Give them a hand!
[07:03] AD
    Next up is Cocco-kun-san!
[07:06] AD
    Let's hear it for them!
SIGN    Chicken
[07:20] Saki
    They've really got a hell of an aura!
[07:22] Sakura
    Saki-chan...
[07:23] Lily
    Yeah, that's not cute.
[07:34] Sakura
    S-Sorry about that.
[07:37] Sakura
    Tae-chan! That's not a real chicken!
[07:39] Sakura
    I'm not supposed to say this too loud,
    but there's someone inside!
[07:43] AD
    All right, if everybody's ready,
    we can get started!
[07:47] AD
    Yeah!
[07:47] FCC
    Thanks for having us!
[07:50] Saki
    We're gonna give this our all!
[07:51] Director
    All right, let's do a test run...
[07:53] Director
    And action!
[07:56] FCC
    Yakitori number one, chicken and rice number
    two, salad's number three for nutrition!
[08:00] FCC
    Service with a smile,
    come on and get your fill!
[08:04] FCC
    Yeah!
[08:05] Director
    And cut!
[08:06] AD
    Cut!
[08:08] Director
    I could hear something weird in there.
[08:11] Sakura
    S-Sorry about that.
[08:13] Saki
    Tae, you gotta sing!
[08:14] Sakura
    It's not gonna work, Saki-chan!
[08:16] Sakura
    Tae-chan can't really do audio.
[08:17] Sakura
    Wh-What do we do?
[08:19] AD
    You girls ready?!
[08:21] Sakura
    Uh, well...
[08:22] AD
    Just try to avoid all that "urgh
    argh" stuff this time, thanks!
[08:25] AD
    Rolling!
[08:26] Sakura
    For real?!
[08:27] AD
    Go ahead, director!
[08:29] Sakura
    O-Okay, Tae-chan, just join us for the
    cock-a-doodle-doo part at the end!
[08:34] Director
    All right, rolling...
[08:35] AD
    This one's for real!
[08:37] Director
    And...
[08:38] Director
    action!
[08:42] AD
    Cut!
[08:44] Sakura
    I'm so sorry!
[08:49] FCC
    Yakitori number one, chicken and rice number
    two, salad's number three for nutrition!
[08:54] FCC
    Service with a smile,
    come on and get your fill!
[08:57] FCC
    Yeah!
[08:58] FCC
    Fresh, tasty, and fun!
[09:01] FCC
    Bring all your friends!
    We're here for you every day...
[09:04] FCC
    at Drive-In Tori!
[09:07] Director
    And cut!
[09:08] AD
    Yeah!
[09:10] Director
    That was good.
[09:12] AD
    All right, we're gonna run
    a check on that take!
[09:14] Sakura
    The idea you had about changing
    the harmony did the trick.
[09:19] Director
    Okay.
[09:20] AD
    Okay, that last take was good!
[09:24] Junko
    That's good to hear.
[09:25] Kotaro
    Was it really?
[09:28] Kotaro
    Can you say you've really done the job?
[09:30] Sakura
    Uh...
[09:31] Kotaro
    What are you all?
[09:32] Kotaro
    What are you standing here as, right now?
[09:35] Ai
    Uh, idol—
[09:36] Kotaro
    Freaking chickens!
[09:38] Kotaro
    You're chickens right now!
[09:39] Kotaro
    Am I wrong, Junko?!
[09:41] Junko
    No!
[09:42] Kotaro
    Then you need to chicken it up!
[09:45] Kotaro
    I'm not seeing any chicken authenticity!
[09:49] Kotaro
    The intensity of a chicken as it's
    being cooked on a mesh grill!
[09:52] Kotaro
    The crow of its soul!
[09:55] Saki
    Shades might be right.
[09:59] Saki
    We...
[10:01] Saki
    We haven't become real chickens!
[10:06] Director
    Uh, no, that last take was—
[10:08] Kotaro
    These girls can do it if you
    give them a chance, director!
[10:11] Kotaro
    Please, let them try again!
[10:13] Saki
    Look at that!
[10:15] Saki
    You guys aren't gonna let
    Cocco-san show us up, right?!
[10:20] Saki
    If we're idols who wanna
    take over the country,
[10:22] Saki
    we need to be ready to gobble
    up the star on their own show!
[10:27] Sakura
    Tae-chan?!
[10:38] Director
    Hey! Somebody stop her!
[10:40] AD
    Y-Yessir!
[10:41] Kotaro
    Wait!
[10:44] Kotaro
    Get that camera rolling!
[10:45] Kotaro
    This is reality!
[10:48] Kotaro
    This is the story we've
    all been yearning for!
[10:51] Sakura
    Tae-chan, she didn't mean it literally!
[10:56] Kotaro
    Director!
[10:59] Director
    Action!
SIGN    Yakitori Number One,
     Chicken and Rice Number Two
    
    Drive-In Tori
[11:05] Prez
    I have to say, you all did an
    excellent job as chickens.
[11:09] Prez
    This is our restaurant's
    way of saying thanks.
[11:12] Sakura
    D-Do you think it's some chicken?
[11:15] Prez
    T-shirts.
SIGN    Yakitori Number One,
     Chicken and Rice Number Two
    
    Drive-In Tori
[11:17] Junko
    More T-shirts...
[11:19] Prez
    I have to say, I'm looking
    forward to the final product.
[11:29] CM
    Yakitori number one, chicken and rice number
    two, salad's number three for nutrition!
[11:33] CM
    Service with a smile,
    come on and get your fill!
[11:35] Inbashi
    Huh, they got a new commercial.
SIGN    Song and dance: Franchouchou
[11:37] CM
    Yeah!
[11:38] Inbashi
    What's with these girls?
[11:40] Inbashi
    Must be hard trying to be
    idols in Saga of all places.
[11:44] Okoba
    Have I seen her before...?
SIGN    Yakitori Number One, Chicken and Rice Number Two
    Drive-In Tori
[11:48] Kotaro
    Now that was some nice bird-ing!
[11:49] Kotaro
    All of you, seriously... nice bird!
SIGN    Zombie Land Saga
SIGN    Zombie Land Saga
[12:11] Kotaro
    Merci!
[12:15] Kotaro
    Bonjour, Saga jeune.
[12:18] Kotaro
    Saga jeune...
[12:20] Ai
    Yeah, yeah, I'm a Saga jeune now, I guess.
[12:23] Kotaro
    How are you in any way a Saga jeune?!
[12:29] Ai
    What is your problem?!
[12:31] Kotaro
    Dirt...
[12:34] Kotaro
    Listen up! None of you are even close
    to cutting it as Saga jeunes yet!
[12:37] Kotaro
    Like a bunch of hick zombies using
    your sleeves to wipe your snot!
[12:40] Kotaro
    However! I've found a way
    for even you to become
[12:43] Kotaro
    Saga jeunes who can compete
    with even Parisian jeunes!
[12:46] Kotaro
    You're gonna participate in the Gatalympics!
SIGN    Entering the Gatalympics!!!
[12:49] Saki
    Holy crap...
[12:52] Saki
    The Gatalympics...
[12:53] Sakura
    More tears?!
[12:54] Lily
    You know that anybody
    can participate, right?
[12:57] Ai
    And what even is it?
[12:59] Saki
    Unbelievable...
[13:00] Saki
    You all fail at Sa—
SIGN    —Et cetera Saga Fail
[13:05] Junko
    It's not very glamorous...
    or even colorful, is it?
[13:08] Lily
    I don't wanna!
[13:10] Kotaro
    Shut it!
SIGN    Franchouchou
[13:14] Lily
    What is that garbage-like
    T-shirt supposed to be?
[13:16] Kotaro
    You are all going to be entering the
    Gatalympics wearing these shirts.
SIGN    Franchouchou
[13:21] Saki
    When?! When are we doing this?!
[13:22] Kotaro
    Right now!
SIGN    34th Kashima Gatalympics
[13:33] Junko
    It reminds me of the swimsuit-only
    athletic competitions they used to have.
[13:37] Ai
    You were actually in those?
[13:39] Junko
    I-I made sure not to pop out, though!
[13:42] Lily
    I seriously hate this.
[13:44] Yugiri
    It's for the sake of advertising.
    You'll have to bear it.
[13:47] Sakura
    No! Tae-chan, quit squirming!
[13:51] MC
    The deadline for entries is nearly here.
[13:54] MC
    Anyone wanting to participate
    should head to...
[13:55] Sakura
    It's already starting!
[13:57] Sakura
    Extra T-shirt, extra T-shirt...
[13:59] Sakura
    Oh, I know!
[14:01] Sakura
    We can't have you ripping another one,
     so let's put an extra layer on.
[14:09] Inubashi
    Huh, aren't those the girls
    from that commercial?
[14:16] Inubashi
    One of them catch your eye, Ookoba-san?
[14:19] Ookoba
    Idiot.
[14:23] Ookoba
    I could swear I've seen
    her somewhere before...
SIGN    34th Kashima Gatalympics
[14:26] Host
    And here we have the headline event
    of the Gatalympics, Mud Biking!
[14:29] Host
    Competitors ride down
    a narrow path on a bicycle!
[14:32] MC
    Okay!
[14:34] MC
    First, we have a member of the
    Saga PD here to demonstrate!
[14:39] MC
    Care to comment?
[14:41] Cop
    Well, y'know, today...
    The, uh, every day... peace...
[14:45] MC
    All right, let's get this started!
[14:49] MC
    On your marks! Get set...
[14:55] MC
    And that's about how it works!
[14:57] MC
    Good luck, everyone!
[15:02] Sakura
    Good luck, Saki-chan!
[15:04] Saki
    Leave it to me! Nobody can
    beat me on two wheels!
[15:07] MC
    Let's get the first race started.
[15:10] Saki
    Prepare to eat my dust.
[15:12] MC
    On your marks!
[15:14] MC
    Get set...
[15:21] MC
    Let's move on to the second race!
[15:24] MC
    On your marks! Get set...
[15:48] Sakura
    You can't even tell what's
    on the shirts now.
[15:51] Ai
    To be honest, I saw this coming.
[16:02] Sakura
    Well, now people can see what they say!
[16:08] ---
    Wait!
[16:09] Kids
    Over here!
[16:10] Kids
    Wait for me!
[16:14] Sakura
    What do we do?! What do we do?!
[16:14] Saki
    Crap, crap, crap!
[16:25] Yugiri
    Kind of heartbreaking, isn't it?
[16:30] MC
    What's our next contestant's name?
[16:31] Kotaro
    Uh... Kotaro Tatsumi.
[16:34] Sakura
    Kotaro-san?!
[16:35] Ai
    Why isn't he wearing one of the shirts?!
[16:38] MC
    Can we hear your thoughts
    going into the race?
[16:39] Sakura
    This is good! He can talk about the group!
[16:41] Kotaro
    Uh... I'm gonna do my best.
[16:43] MC
    Anything else?
[16:45] Kotaro
    Uh, nope.
[16:46] Saki
    What the hell?!
[16:48] Saki
    His ass is gonna end up covered in mud!
    Let's all laugh at him!
[16:51] MC
    On your marks! Get set...
[17:04] Host
    The next competition we have for
    you today is the Mud Tarzan Swing!
[17:09] MC
    Okay, take it away!
[17:11] Cop
    Here I go!
[17:13] Cop
    Check this out, Ariake Sea!
[17:15] Cop
    Whoa!
[17:17] Host
    And there you have it. Scores are based
    on distance along with showmanship.
[17:22] Junko
    They're not going to be able
    to see the T-shirts anyway.
[17:25] Sakura
    True enough...
[17:26] Yugiri
    If we can make it over there,
    we might be able to manage something.
[17:34] Ai
    That might actually be the best
    way of reaching the crowd.
[17:37] Saki
    Sounds good! Let's aim for the top!
[17:40] Sakura
    It's the only choice we have!
[17:43] MC
    Next contestant, come on down!
[17:48] Sakura
    I get the feeling Ai-chan
    can pull this off...
[17:55] Host
    That's a distance of 5
    meters and 20 centimeters!
[17:58] Host
    Doesn't amount to much!
[18:01] Ai
    Say something!
[18:05] Junko
    This is higher up than I thought...
[18:17] Saki
    Hell yeah!
[18:18] Saki
    Right to the top!
[18:27] Saki
    The distance is... three meters.
[18:30] Lily
    You're supposed to jump forward.
[18:32] Saki
    Get 'em, Big Sis Yugiri!
[18:36] Yugiri
    Right!
[18:54] Host
    Those points are purely for artistic
    value, with a distance of zero meters!
[18:57] Lily
    Here I go!
[18:59] Lily
    Magical Shooting Star!
[19:05] Host
    Now that's some real distance!
[19:08] Host
    She's currently in fourth place!
[19:09] Host
    Not quite enough to reach the podium!
[19:20] Sakura
    If I believe... then I can fly.
[19:23] Sakura
    I have to... have to win this!
[19:29] Saki
    Fly, Sakura!
[19:42] Host
    A total belly-flop!
[19:44] Lily
    That looked painful.
[19:45] Lily
    And a score... of 1!
[19:47] Lily
    The lowest score in today's games!
[19:49] Saki
    Yeah, that's not impressing anybody.
[19:54] Host
    Huh? We've got someone with a
    unique style on the stand now.
[19:59] Sakura
    Tae-chan?!
[20:00] Saki
    Hey, hey, hey!
[20:25] Host
    Well that's... What the?
[20:27] Host
    It's hard to tell because of the sun...
    What just happened?
[20:30] Ai
    This is bad!
[20:31] Saki
    Hide the fact she's a zombie!
[20:33] HOst
    Whoa, now!
[20:34] HOst
    Her teammates have all jumped
    into the mud after her!
[20:36] HOst
    What a wonderful display of teamwork!
SIGN    Gold
[20:47] MC
    And so we're here to interview the winner!
[20:51] MC
    Let's get a word from her right away.
[20:53] MC
    How do you feel right now?
[20:55] Saki
    So much for advertising.
[20:57] Sakura
    Yeah...
[21:00] MC
    I wonder if she got too much mud
    in her mouth to be able to speak?
[21:03] MC
    In any case, that was an amazing jump!
[21:04] MC
    Congratulations!
[21:06] Ai
    Well, what's done is done.
[21:11] Sakura
    Wait, Tae-chan has two shirts on!
[21:14] Saki
    For real?!
[21:15] Sakura
    Tae-chan! Tear your shirt!
SIGN    Drive-In Tori
SIGN    Drive-In Tori
[21:31] MC
    Congratulations!
[21:35] Song
    Drive-In Tori!
[21:37] Kotaro
    Nice bird.
[21:42] Inubashi
    They're quite a cute bunch.
[21:45] Ookoba
    That's it.
[21:46] Ookoba
    I remember now.
[21:48] Inubashi
    Remember what?
[21:50] Ookoba
    I should look into this...
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[23:25] Ai
    This is Ai.
[23:26] Ai
    Whether it's hocking chickens
    or playing in mud,
[23:28] Ai
    we need to do whatever it
    takes to raise our profile.
[23:32] ---
    Next time on Zombie Land Saga Episode 6:
[23:34] ---
    Because It's Sentimental SAGA.
SIGN    Episode 6: Because It's Sentimental SAGA
[23:36] ---
    See you then.