E2 - The Cattle Chapter

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] all three
    Hello!
[00:05] Yayoi
    I'm Yayoi.
[00:07] Yomogi
    I'm Yomogi.
[00:08] Yuzu
    I'm Yuzu.
[00:09] Yuzu
    Y!
[00:10] Yayoi
    Y!
[00:10] Yomogi
    Y!
[00:11] all three
    We're Young Wai-Wai!
[00:12] Yayoi
    You know, I think I've
    been pretty lazy recently,
[00:15] Yayoi
    so I decided to write up a
    proper schedule for myself.
[00:17] Yomogi
    Oh, nice idea.
[00:18] Yayoi
    Twenty-four hours for me is like...
[00:38] Yuzu
    Morning!
[00:39] Yayoi
    Morning.
[00:41] Yomogi
    I'm home.
[00:42] Yuzu
    Welcome back.
[00:44] Yayoi
    Good morning, Yomogine.
[00:45] Yomogi
    Who are you calling Yomogine?
[00:47] Yomogi
    When did I become a
    naturalized French citizen?
[00:49] Yayoi
    Still early, and you're already in peak form.
[00:53] Yomogi
    Anyway, I found this on the
    floor by the front door.
SIGN    Fulfill Your Greatest Wishes
[00:57] Yayoi
    A Watson?
[00:58] Yomogi
    An ema!
[00:58] Yuzu
    A wishing plaque? Seiji-san did
    say there was a shrine nearby...
[01:01] Yayoi
    I wonder if someone in the dorm wrote it.
[01:04] Yuzu
    I don't know what it says,
    but I hope the wish comes true.
[01:07] Yayoi
    Yeah.
[01:08] Yomogi
    Tonight, eight o'clock, head
    of state, assassination.
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[01:14] all three
    I hope this one doesn't come true!
[01:17] [SONG] all
    Yeah!
[01:17] [SONG] Yomogi
    So, what's comedy?
[01:18] [SONG] Yayoi
    Yo!
[01:18] [SONG] Yuzu
    Tough question, for me
[01:19] [SONG] Yayoi
    What could it be?
    It's too far out to see!
[01:21] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi
    Be! See!
[01:22] [SONG] Yomogi
    Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
[01:22] [SONG] Yayoi
    Ye ye, in the zone!
[01:23] [SONG] Yuzu
    We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
[01:24] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi
    God! Horizon!
[01:26] [SONG] Kana
    Wanna see us split into bunshin
[01:26] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Yeah!
[01:27] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Bullets!
[01:27] [SONG] Kana
    And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
[01:29] [SONG] Kana
    Leave it to comedy ninjas!
[01:30] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose
    Nin-nin!
[01:30] [SONG] Saeka
    High society, celebrity
[01:30] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    High! Celebrity!
[01:32] [SONG] Saeka
    The cleanest jokes are our priority
[01:33] [SONG] Hikari & Mako
    Priority!
[01:34] [SONG] Miyu
    Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
[01:35] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Yeah!
[01:36] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Ah! Ah!
[01:37] [SONG] Miyu
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
[01:37] [SONG] Hina & Misao
    Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
[01:39] [SONG] Yuina
    We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
[01:40] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Ah Invaders
[01:41] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    That should tell you all you need to know
[01:42] [SONG] Chihori & Mone
    Need to know!
[01:42] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Yeah!
[01:43] [SONG] Yuzu
    Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
[01:43] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Wai-Wai!
[01:44] [SONG] Yomogi
    Heat up the timeline!
[01:44] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Timeline!
[01:45] [SONG] Yayoi
    Scramble for the win,
    we won't give up our pride
[01:47] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Pride!
[01:47] [SONG] Yomogi
    Found a new line
[01:48] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:48] [SONG] Yuzu
    Gonna sweep the prime time
[01:49] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Oh!
[01:49] [SONG] Yayoi
    Who's on top then?
[01:51] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai
    Gotta take the Teppen!
[01:51] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Take it to the top
[01:52] [SONG] all call
    Doin' it for real!
[01:53] [SONG] Kana; Saeka
    We'll show you, giving everything
     we got, oh yeah
[01:55] [SONG] all call
    Oh yeah
[01:56] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina
    Gonna face the challenge head-on
[01:56] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[01:58] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina
    Running straight ahead
[01:58] [SONG] all call
    Yo! Yo! Yo!
[01:59] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    Take it to the top
[02:00] [SONG] all call
    Yeah that's right!
[02:02] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai
    It's show
[02:02] [SONG] Yomogi
    Don't slow down to hear them
     call you funny, not a day
[02:05] [SONG] Yuzu
    You'll never reach the top that way
[02:05] [SONG] all call
    Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
[02:07] [SONG] Yayoi
    You know it's true, what we say
[02:09] [SONG] all call
    Hey!
[02:10] [SONG] all sing
    But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
[02:13] [SONG] all call
    Yeah! Yeah!
[02:15] [SONG] all sing
    That's not why we're here
    It's much bigger, bigger than all that
[02:19] [SONG] all call
    All that
[02:20] [SONG] all sing
    We want to get
[02:20] [SONG] all call
    We want to get, yeah!
[02:23] [SONG] all sing
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:23] [SONG] all call
    At last the genuine reason
     we're living in this world
[02:27] [SONG] all sing
    Yeah if we are the ones
    that are making you laugh
[02:28] [SONG] all call
    Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
[02:32] [SONG] all sing
    We gotta go so hard it'll really,
     really give us that, you know?
[02:37] [SONG] all sing
    Top of the laugh
[02:37] [SONG] all call
    Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
[02:40] [SONG] all sing
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
    We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:40] [SONG] all call
    At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
     oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
[02:45] [SONG] Yayoi
    Aw yeah!
SIGN    The Cattle Chapter
SIGN    Tokyo
SIGN    News
SIGN    PRESIDENT ARRIVES IN JAPAN
SIGN    YESTERDAY 7:20 PM
[02:56] Announcer
    The president landed at Kansai
    International Airport yesterday
[02:59] Announcer
    to take part in the summit meetings.
[03:01] Yayoi
    The president really is here.
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[03:05] Yuzu
    But an assassination?
[03:07] Yomogi
    What should we do? This isn't a wish,
    it's a plan! A declaration, even!
[03:11] Yayoi
    C-Calm down, Yomogi!
[03:14] Yayoi
    Let me get my glowing stick.
[03:15] Yayoi
    When it flashes, you'll forget everything!
[03:18] Yomogi
    You're the one who needs
    to calm down, Agent Y!
[03:20] Yayoi
    If that's where you found it,
[03:22] Yayoi
    then someone in Takako-so
    must be after the president!
[03:24] Yomogi
    W-We need to tell the police.
[03:26] Yayoi
    You can't!
[03:28] Yayoi
    If you do that, they'll catch
    the person who wrote it!
[03:30] Yuzu
    But they're planning an assassination.
[03:33] Yayoi
    I know, but all of us here
    are on the same side!
[03:36] Yayoi
    We came together because we
    love comedy. We're all friends here.
[03:40] Yayoi
    I don't want anyone to get arrested.
[03:41] Yomogi
    Yayoi...
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[03:44] Yayoi
    All right, then. I'll find out who wrote it.
[03:47] Yayoi
    Then I'll stop the assassination!
[03:49] Yomogi
    Stop it? But how?
[03:51] Yayoi
    We'll talk it out. There's no way a
    comedy fan would be totally evil.
[03:54] Yuzu
    Good point. If you can talk it out,
    maybe they'll come to their senses.
[03:58] Yuzu
    I agree with Yayoi's idea.
[04:02] Yomogi
    Okay, fine. I'll go along with it.
[04:04] Yomogi
    I guess we should be
    proud that the job landed
[04:06] Yomogi
    on manzai comedians who are
    so good at eakingspay.
[04:08] Yayoi
    I knew you'd understand,
    Yomogi! That's my man!
[04:10] Yomogi
    I'm totally a girl!
[04:19] Mone
    Seiji-san, where's the milk?
[04:22] Seiji
    Aw, sorry. All we have are protein drinks.
[04:24] Mone
    Eh...
[04:25] Miyu
    Natto from Mito is so delish!
[04:28] Announcer
    The president successfully arrived at the summit.
[04:28] Misao
    Did you buy that yourself?
[04:30] Miyu
    That's right! To help
    spread Ibaraki culture!
[04:31] Announcer
    That's all for the news today.
SIGN    Tokyo
SIGN    News
SIGN    SUMMIT MEETING
SIGN    All-Day
SIGN    Rampage Detective
[04:33] TV voice
    All-Day Rampage Detective!*
[04:36] TV voice*
    The hit show, now airing!
[04:37] Yuzu
    The assassination is at 8:00 tonight.
[04:40] Yuzu
    That's what it said, right?
[04:42] Yomogi
    We've got to find who's planning it and
    convince them to stop before then.
[04:52] Yomogi
    Say, Mako-chan, what are you hiding there?
[04:54] Mako
    Huh?
[04:55] Yayoi
    That shape... Could it be...
[04:58] Yayoi
    A pistol?
[05:00] Hikari
    We're only allowed one banana a day.
[05:02] Mako
    I'm sorry!
[05:04] Hikari
    Geez, you're such a scrounger.
[05:06] Mako
    I'm not scrounging!
[05:07] Mako
    I could buy the island of New Guinea
     and all its bananas, if I wanted!
[05:07] Hikari
    Yeah, whatever.
[05:09] Yayoi
    Ugh. This is a wild goose chase.
[05:11] Yuzu
    Hey, take a look over there.
[05:13] Yuzu
    Kana-chan from Bullet Kunoichi.
[05:15] Yuzu
    She hasn't been looking well. I wonder why.
[05:18] Yomogi
    Could she be nervous
    about the assassination?
[05:21] Yayoi
    Maybe she's tortured with guilt.
[05:26] Kana
    I feel so sick.
[05:28] Kana
    Why do I have to run a 10K
    in the morning, anyway?
[05:30] Iroha
    You're too out of shape, Kana.
[05:33] Iroha
    You gotta build up some body strength.
[05:33] Chitose
    Uh-huh.
[05:35] Kana
    I'm gonna die before I tell a single joke.
[05:37] Kana
    Then they're gonna build
    a pyramid for my grave!
[05:40] Chitose
    You think you're an ancient
    Egyptian king or something?
[05:47] Yuzu
    Whoever it is, they aren't
    letting their guard down.
[05:49] Yomogi
    I'm starting to wonder if we'll even
    find the assassin before tonight.
[05:53] Yayoi
    Don't worry about it! We've still
    got lots and lots of time.
[05:56] Yomogi
    But you know, this is someone
    trying to kill the president.
[06:01] Yomogi
    Do you really think they'd listen to us?
[06:03] Yuzu
    In that case, let's try something else.
[06:05] Yuzu
    Let's poison them!
[06:07] Yayoi & Yomogi
    Poison?!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[06:09] Yuzu
    We'll spike Yomogi's takoyaki with a poison
    that makes people get numb and tingly.
[06:13] Mako
    This is a disaster!
SIGN    Young Wai-Wai
[06:15] Yuzu
    The assassin won't be able to move.
[06:17] Yuzu
    If they can't get away,
    they'll have to talk to us, right?
[06:20] Yomogi
    Man, that's dark! But how do we get
    them to eat it in the first place?
[06:24] Yayoi
    If we tell them the takoyaki
    will raise their assassin stats,
[06:28] Yayoi
    wouldn't they think it's
    a power-up and chow down?
[06:31] Yomogi
    Takoyaki doesn't give stat buffs!
[06:33] Hikari
    Poison?
[06:34] Saeka
    Are you certain that's what
    they were talking about?
[06:37] Mako
    Without a doubt!
[06:38] Mako
    They had evil grins on their faces and
    were plotting to poison people to death!
SIGN    ° For Illustration Only
[06:42] Saeka
    But poison whom?
[06:45] Mako
    Isn't it obvious? Every single one of us!
[06:48] Mako
    They want to take out everyone in the dorm!
[06:51] Hikari
    To be sure, with their rivals out of the way,
[06:53] Hikari
    they would have an advantage in
    the Teppen Grand Prix finals.
[06:55] Saeka
    How could they go that far?
[06:58] Saeka
    I've made a decision.
[07:00] Saeka
    Let's show Young Wai-Wai every
    ounce of hospitality we can!
[07:03] Mako
    Huh?
[07:04] Hikari
    What do you mean?
[07:05] Saeka
    They're willing to use inhuman means to win.
[07:08] Saeka
    I'm sure they've been debased
    by the poverty in their hearts.
[07:13] Saeka
    Right now, those girls could be compared
    to a Hitsumabushi without the grilled eel.
[07:17] Saeka
    Pitiful! Simply too much white rice!
[07:20] Saeka
    We're the only ones who can save them.
[07:22] Saeka
    Let's soothe and comfort
    their ailing hearts.
[07:26] Saeka
    Then they'll see poison for the crime
    it is and surely abandon their plans!
[07:39] Seiji
    Yeah, macho macho!
[07:41] Seiji
    Right macho, left macho!
    Macho up, macho down!
[07:45] Seiji
    And pose!
[07:47] Seiji
    Hey! Who said that you could rest?!
[07:50] Yayoi
    Is this some kind of dance?
[07:52] Yomogi
    I have no idea what part
    it's supposed to work out.
[07:55] Yuzu
    I'm so exhausted.
[07:57] Seiji
    Oh well... Let's take a short break.
[08:02] Saeka
    Young Wai-Wai members, we'd like to
    offer you some refreshments today.
[08:07] Saeka
    Preparations!
[08:08] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu
    Huh?
[08:12] Saeka
    Well, then, please help yourselves.
[08:14] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu
    Huh?!
[08:15] Hikari
    Here's some Japanese sweets, too!
[08:17] Hikari
    I had them sent from home.
[08:20] Yomogi
    What's this all about?
[08:21] Kana
    Hey, that's unfair! We want to eat some, too!
[08:23] Saeka
    You may not.
[08:24] Saeka
    We prepared this only for the
    members of Young Wai-Wai.
SIGN    Against Extreme Weight Loss
[08:28] Chitose
    That's favoritism! No playing favorites!
[08:30] Iroha; Chitose
    We protest!
[08:31] Hina
    Huh? Empty...
[08:33] Hina
    My throat's so dry.
[08:35] Yuzu
    Um...
[08:37] Yuzu
    I bought an extra one. Would you like it?
SIGN    Lemon
[08:42] Mako
    Could that be... the poison?
[08:43] Hina
    Ah, lemon's not my thing.
[08:46] Yuzu
    Not your favorite? But this
    one has a mild flavor.
[08:49] Mako
    Stop! You'll die!
[08:50] Yuzu
    Huh? Do you really hate it that much?
[08:52] Hina
    Um...
[08:53] Yayoi
    Finders keepers!
[08:56] Yayoi
    So tasty, tho!
[08:58] Mako
    What?
[08:59] Yomogi
    Um, this is very generous,
    but we can't accept it.
[09:02] Yayoi
    What?!
[09:03] Yuzu
    Yayoi!
[09:04] Saeka
    Oh, really? That's too bad.
[09:20] Yuina
    Are you watching that same show again?
[09:23] Mone
    Isn't it an awesome show?
[09:26] Yuina
    What's it called?
[09:28] Mone
    All-Day Rampage Detective.
[09:32] Chihori
    Earthlings sure are robust.
[09:36] Yuina
    You're talking like an alien again.
[09:38] Chihori
    N-No, I'm not! I'm not an alien!
[09:41] Chihori
    No Earth, no life!
[09:43] Mone
    It'd be pretty funny if you
    really were an alien, though.
[09:44] Kana
    Okay!
[09:53] Kana
    Infiltration successful.
[09:54] Kana
    Now I just have to locate
    and acquire the target.
[09:59] Kana
    Apologies, Celebs. Even people like
    me want to eat gourmet sweets.
[10:05] Hikari
    It wasn't poisoned after all.
[10:07] Mako
    Is it possible they've realized
    that we're on to them?
[10:10] Hikari
    In that case, we'll have to pay them off.
[10:14] Kana
    Huh?!
[10:15] Mako
    You're gonna give money to the
    members of Young Wai-Wai?
[10:18] Hikari
    Financial influence can be very
    helpful for filling an empty heart.
[10:21] Saeka
    If we can resolve this with a small amount
    of money, that may be the best way.
[10:25] Saeka
    How does 500 million yen per person sound?
[10:28] Kana
    F-Five hundred million yen?
[10:30] Mako
    That's too much! That would
    only encourage them!
[10:33] Saeka
    Really?
[10:34] Hikari
    I wonder.
[10:41] Iroha
    A bribe like that isn't very subtle.
SIGN    Takoyaki
SIGN    Fancy
SIGN    Fancy
[10:43] Kana
    I bet they'll use it to pay off some bigwig
    in the Teppen Grand Prix and buy the win!
[10:48] Chitose
    Wait, what's with the wetsuit?
[10:48] Kana
    It isn't fair when we're
    out here doing our best!
[10:51] Chitose
    Yo, what's with the wetsuit?
[10:51] Kana
    Iroha-senpai, Chitose-senpai,
    help me out here!
[10:54] Kana
    I want the Celebs to start
    taking comedy seriously again!
[10:59] Chitose
    You aren't listening!
[11:02] Saeka
    We can't let the Young Wai-Wai
    girls turn to a life of crime.
[11:06] Saeka
    We're the only ones who can
    keep that from happening.
[11:09] Yuzu
    We still haven't found the assassin.
[11:12] Yomogi
    And we're almost out of time, too!
[11:15] Yayoi
    We'll have to do it during
    the afternoon rehearsals.
[11:17] Kana
    We have to stop the bribery!
[11:19] Kana
    We gotta hustle, Bullet Kunoichi!
[11:22] Saeka
    We will surely prevent the poison attack.
[11:24] Saeka
    I swear it on the name of Celebri-Tea!
[11:27] Yayoi
    We've got to stop the assassination.
[11:29] Yayoi
    Let's do this, Young Wai-Wai!
SIGN    Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SIGN    Love Saves Ibaraki
SIGN    Akudare Kingdom
[11:42] Yuina
    My name is Jupitris Naru-Naru Neiji Yuina.
[11:45] Yuina
    The Earth is in danger!
[11:46] Mone
    No need to worry. We are in
    possession of this secret weapon.
[11:50] Chihori
    It is true that Jovians are
    disgusted by Yubari melons.
[11:54] Mone
    Reconciliation talks are also an option.
[11:55] Mone
    We are prepared to offer
    a Grinding Lover cookie.
[11:57] Chihori
    There it is!
[11:58] Chihori
    The cookie taking Mars by storm!
    Grinding Lover!
SIGN    Love Saves Ibaraki
[12:02] Miyu
    Love saves Ibaraki! Let's go, let's go!
[12:06] Misao
    That's a lot less to save than the Earth!
[12:07] Hina
    Why would anyone save a place like Ibaraki?
[12:10] Hina
    There ain't nothing good there, anyway.
[12:12] Miyu
    That ain't true!
[12:13] Miyu
    A while ago, I saw a dude having
    a friendly chat with a cop.
[12:17] Misao
    He was probably getting a citation!
[12:19] Misao
    Don't put a positive spin on it!
[12:21] Yayoi
    My uncle's home is an
    okonomiyaki restaurant.
[12:24] Yomogi
    My home is a takoyaki place.
    They're both floury foods, right?
[12:27] Yomogi
    That's why we named our old duo
    Konamons, for "Flour People."
[12:31] Yuzu
    That's so cool! I feel kind of left out.
[12:34] Yuzu
    Maybe I should start a store, too.
[12:36] Yomogi
    Why not? What'll you sell?
[12:37] Yuzu
    Bread made from flower seeds!
[12:39] Yomogi
    You can't really make bread that way!
[12:40] Yomogi
    And that isn't the "flour" we meant.
[12:42] Yayoi
    I actually bought some
    seedy bread the other day.
[12:45] Yayoi
    The bread shop was run by a married couple,
[12:48] Yayoi
    but the husband was cheating
    with a young employee and...
[12:51] Yomogi
    That's a different kind of seedy!
[12:53] Saeka
    That was simply lovely!
[12:56] Saeka
    Young Wai-Wai, your stand-up
    really is the best.
[12:59] Yomogi
    Oh. Thank you kindly.
[13:01] Saeka
    This isn't much, considering the transcendent
    comedy you've shared with us,
[13:04] Saeka
    but please accept this gift.
[13:09] Saeka
    It's worth 500 million yen.
[13:11] Yuzu
    Five hundred million?!
[13:12] Yayoi
    It's blinding me!
[13:13] Yomogi
    Yeah, no, we can't accept that!
[13:15] Mako
    My eyes! My eyes!
[13:18] Hikari
    You okay, Mako?
[13:19] Yuzu
    Isn't this suspicious?
[13:21] Yayoi & Yomogi
    Huh?
[13:21] Yuzu
    This might mean they want to pay
    us to drop our investigation.
[13:25] Yomogi
    It couldn't be...
[13:27] Hikari
    Saeka is the heiress to a conglomerate
    that includes the company
[13:30] Hikari
    with the largest market share
    of tea leaves in Japan.
[13:33] Saeka
    Oh, dear. But Hikari here is
    the daughter of the president
[13:36] Saeka
    of the largest sweets company
    in Aichi Prefecture.
[13:38] Mako
    I'm pretty rich, too!
[13:40] Mako
    I can eat two cup noodles in one sitting.
[13:42] Saeka
    There's something I've been
    thinking of purchasing recently.
[13:44] Mako
    Eh...
[13:45] Hikari
    What is it?
[13:46] Saeka
    Tokyo Tower.
[13:48] Hikari
    Yeah, you gotta b—
[13:50] Hikari
    Well, maybe you could, Saeka.
[13:51] Saeka
    When I checked my purse,
    I had just enough to cover it.
[13:54] Hikari
    You carry that much around?
[13:58] Kana
    Hear me out!
[13:59] Kana
    The most important thing for stand-up is the
    passion to chase after comedy single-mindedly!
[14:03] Chitose
    That's exactly right!
[14:04] Chitose
    And Celebri-Tea has what it takes!
[14:06] Iroha
    Let's all fight fair, Celebri-Tea!
[14:09] Iroha
    We know you're strong enough to do it!
[14:11] Hikari
    What was that? Was it really manzai?
[14:13] Mako
    Is it a different style or something?
[14:14] Saeka
    It seems more like they're trying to
    teach us a lesson than tell us a joke.
[14:18] Yayoi
    Hey, hey, wasn't that weird?
[14:20] Yayoi
    Maybe they're trying to get pumped
    up for tonight's assassination.
[14:23] Yomogi
    An assassination isn't something
    you get "pumped up" for!
[14:26] Mako
    Hey. I just heard you say "assassination."
[14:29] Mako
    Are you trying to poison
    Bullet Kunoichi first?
[14:32] Saeka
    You've left us no other choice, have you?
[14:35] Saeka
    Members of Young Wai-Wai,
    you mustn't do anything rash!
[14:39] Saeka
    I can see straight through
    everything you're thinking!
[14:43] Yomogi
    Huh? Straight through?
[14:45] Yayoi
    Do you think they know we're
    trying to stop the assassination?
[14:48] Saeka
    I can understand how you all feel.
[14:51] Saeka
    However, nobody has the right to get
    in the way of anyone else's dream!
[14:55] Yayoi
    I guess maybe that's some kind of a dream...
[14:58] Yuzu
    But if we don't get in the way,
    something terrible will happen!
[15:01] Kana
    It's good to have dreams.
[15:02] Kana
    But you know, Saeka-san,
    if your dream truly is sincere,
[15:06] Kana
    I really think you have to fight
    fair and square to reach it!
[15:11] Yomogi
    A fair fight would be a disaster, too!
[15:14] Kana
    You gotta chase your dreams fairly!
[15:14] Kanae
    Don't do anything rash, Young Wai-Wai!
[15:14] Yayoi
    What are you talking about?
[15:16] Seiji
    All of you...
[15:17] Seiji
    You're supposed to be
    rehearsing your routines!
[15:19] Seiji
    If you keep squabbling,
[15:21] Seiji
    I'll make you do 30
    dumbbell concentration curls!
[15:23] Yomogi
    The punishment still doesn't fit the crime!
[15:31] Misao
    That was a total mess. Why was
    everybody acting so strange?
[15:34] Hina
    We had no clue what was happening,
    so maybe we're the weirdos.
[15:38] Hina
    We are from Ibaraki, after all.
[15:40] Misao
    How does that explain anything?
[15:42] Miyu
    Strange. It's gotta be
    around here somewhere.
[15:45] Misao
    What is? What are you looking for?
[15:47] Misao
    What did you drag us along for?
[15:50] Miyu
    I figured out the one thing
    that this city really needs.
[15:54] Miyu
    More Ibaraki! So I've decided
    to build up Ibaraki here!
[15:58] Misao
    Do you mean something
    like a tourism showroom?
[16:02] Miyu
    Yeah! Good idea, right?
[16:04] Miyu
    I've been looking for the right location.
[16:08] Miyu
    I've already got a few candidates.
[16:10] Miyu
    Now we just gotta take a look.
[16:13] Yuina
    Why do we have a cow?
[16:15] Mone
    As we're from Hokkaido, we need a glass
    of fresh-squeezed milk in the morning.
[16:20] Mone
    We needed a cow for that.
[16:22] Yuina
    But how do we have a cow?
[16:23] Chihori
    I found it wandering around.
[16:25] Yuina
    You don't just find cows
    wandering around!
[16:27] Mone
    I guess we got really lucky, huh.
[16:29] Yuina
    Luck doesn't explain something like this!
[16:31] Yuina
    We can't keep it at Takako-so,
    anyway. It's a cow!
[16:34] Mone
    That's right. Pets aren't
    allowed at Takako-so.
[16:38] Mone
    That's why we gotta find a
    good home for it to live in.
[16:41] Chihori
    The place the real estate agent talked
    about should be right around here.
[16:46] Mone
    He sure was surprised when we asked if
    he had a good house for a cow, though.
[16:51] Yuina
    For sure.
[16:52] Mone
    Oh.
[16:53] Mone & Miyu
    There it is.
[16:54] Misao
    Howdy, Invaders. What are y'all doin' here?
[16:56] Mone
    That's our question.
[16:56] Miyu
    Oh, this is just like I imagined!
[16:59] Miyu
    It'll make a great Ibaraki shop!
[17:02] Mone
    Now, wait a second. We're planning
    to make this our cow's new home.
[17:06] Miyu
    What are you talkin' about? I found it first!
[17:09] Mone
    We beat you by 0.1 seconds. So there!
[17:12] Miyu
    No stinkin' way!
[17:13] Chihori
    C'mon, Mone, you know you
    can't get in a fight.
[17:15] Misao
    Miyu, you're not supposed to start trouble.
[17:17] Yuina
    Well, then, how about we let
    the cow run the Ibaraki shop?
[17:20] Yuina
    Would that be okay?
[17:21] Mone & Miyu
    No way!
[17:22] Mone
    Cows from Hokkaido are way too sensitive.
[17:25] Mone
    Being surrounded with natto and pots of
    monkfish stew will stress them out.
[17:28] Misao
    What kind of image is that?!
[17:30] Miyu
    Ibaraki punks will pick a
    fight with any cow they see.
[17:33] Miyu
    It won't work!
[17:33] Misao
    Who has a death wish like that?!
[17:35] Yuina
    Back us up here, Chihori.
[17:37] Mone
    It's a cow house, not an
    Ibaraki shop, right? Right?
[17:41] Chihori
    Well, okay. The objective data says...
[17:44] Miyu
    Data?
[17:45] Chihori
    I just found a poll of Martians,
    Jovians, and Saturnians,
[17:49] Chihori
    asking which prefecture
    they'd most like to live in,
[17:51] Chihori
    in which Ibaraki ranked last
     for five years straight.
[17:53] Misao
    What kind of ranking is that?
[17:55] Hina
    Now, who just made fun of Ibaraki?
[17:58] Mone
    Um, Hina?
[17:59] Hina
    Which of you creeps is
    making fun of Ibaraki?
[18:02] Hina
    Why the heck do we have
    to take that from you?
[18:05] Hina
    You wanna be tossed into
    a monkfish stew, too?!
[18:07] Hina
    You wanna take a shoulder throw from
    one of the seals at Aqua World? Huh?!
[18:11] Chihori
    I don't know what you want me to say.
[18:14] Miyu
    She mad.
[18:15] Misao
    Geez. She's fine joking about herself,
[18:18] Misao
    but when someone else makes fun
    of Ibaraki, she always loses it.
[18:20] Yayoi
    Hold it right there!
[18:22] Yuina
    W-What?!
[18:23] Yuzu
    We've been quietly tailing the Invaders.
[18:26] Mone
    How come?
[18:27] Yayoi
    Heh-heh.
[18:28] Yayoi
    My dazzling powers of deduction
[18:30] Yayoi
    have revealed that the Invaders
    are the most likely culprits!
SIGN    Presidential
    Assassination
SIGN    Who Benefits?
SIGN    Aliens Targeting
    the Earth
SIGN    Invaders
[18:34] Mako
    Stop right there!
[18:35] Yuina
    What is it this time?
[18:37] Saeka
    We had good reason to tail
    the Young Wai-Wai members
[18:41] Saeka
    who were tailing the Invaders members.
[18:43] Yuina
    Tailing the tail?
[18:45] Mako
    Just watch! We'll stop
    Young Wai-Wai's evil plan!
[18:48] Mako
    We know all about it!
[18:49] Mako
    The cow was going be a test
    subject for their poison!
[18:52] Hikari
    If a poison can kill a cow, it can
     most certainly kill a human.
[18:56] Hikari
    You sure thought this through.
[18:57] Saeka
    Please, stop this now.
[18:59] Saeka
    Please don't poison
    innocent people and cows!
[19:02] Yomogi
    What's with all this talk about poison?
[19:04] Kana
    Hold it right there!
[19:06] Yuina
    Another group?
[19:07] Iroha
    We had good reason to tail Celebri-Tea,
[19:10] Iroha
    who were tailing Young Wai-Wai,
    who were tailing the Invaders!
[19:15] Misao
    I'm totally lost right now.
[19:17] Kana
    Celebs! Cease your dastardly bribery!
[19:20] Kana
    We know you were going to use
    that cow for high-quality beef
[19:23] Kana
    to bribe the Teppen Grand Prix bigwigs with!
[19:25] Chitose
    You knew that money might be traced,
[19:27] Chitose
    so you decided to pay your bribes
    with steak. A truly clever plan!
[19:30] Saeka
    What are you talking about?
[19:32] Hikari
    I really don't think that
    cow is meant to be eaten.
[19:35] Mako
    Well, I'd take a bite.
[19:36] Mone
    What's your problem, anyway?
[19:38] Yayoi
    Can you kill someone with milk
    if they're lactose intolerant?
[19:39] Mako
    How could you poison such
    a delicious-looking cow?
[19:39] Mone
    The cow is just for milk!
[19:41] Yuina
    Come on, what is this all about?
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[19:51] Chihori
    I'm so sorry! They won't
    let us keep cows here.
[19:55] Chihori
    Please take it home!
[19:59] Chihori
    I sent the cow home.
[20:00] Mone
    Huh? How?
[20:02] Yomogi
    Oh, come on, there's no
    way we'd poison anyone.
[20:05] Saeka
    It's such an insult that you could
    ever think we would bribe anyone!
[20:08] Kana
    I'm really sorry!
[20:09] Chitose
    Kana always jumps to conclusions.
[20:11] Mako
    Oh, yeah, she does!
[20:13] Hikari
    You too, Mako.
[20:14] Mako
    Um...
[20:14] Yayoi
    I guess it was all just a misunderstanding.
[20:17] Yuzu
    But if so, what was the ema plaque about?
[20:19] Seiji
    Oh? This symbol...
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[20:21] Yayoi
    Do you recognize it, Seiji-san?
[20:23] Seiji
    It's from All-Day Rampage Detective.
     Haven't you seen it?
[20:26] Chihori
    Oh, yes! The clever Terran TV show.
[20:29] Yuzu
    You mean the popular series
    about the detective who relies
[20:32] Yuzu
    on his incredible physical stamina
    to solve crimes all day long?
[20:36] Seiji
    Yeah, that's the one.
[20:37] Seiji
    Next week's episode is about a death threat
[20:39] Seiji
    sent to the head chef of a
     crooked diner called State,
[20:43] Seiji
    who sells fried tofu passed off as steaks.
[20:45] Yomogi
    Is that the crime?!
[20:47] Seiji
    I'm pretty sure this is the symbol used
    by the terrorist group in the show.
SIGN    tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
[20:51] Yuzu
    Does that mean...
[20:53] Yuzu
    When you were doing your
    usual morning cleaning...
[21:05] Yuzu
    Like that?
[21:06] all girls
    Glare...
[21:08] Seiji
    H-Hey now! Are you blaming this on me?
[21:12] Bauer
    Don't move! Everyone, hands up!
[21:14] Assistant Director-kun
    I'm so sorry! There's been a mistake!
    This isn't the location for the shoot!
[21:18] Bauer
    Huh? Really?
[21:19] Assistant Director-kun
    I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[21:20] staff
    Oh, come on! What are you doing?
[21:22] staff
    Why didn't you tell us sooner?
[21:22] Bauer
    I came to the wrong location,
    and I regret it deeply.
[21:30] Yuzu
    I wonder where the real
     shooting location was.
[21:32] Yayoi
    I hear it was supposed to be at
    the White House, not Takako-so.
[21:35] Yomogi
    How could they mix those up?
[21:37] Yomogi
    Gimme a break.
[21:38] all three
    Thank you very much!
[21:41] Yomogi
    Another exhausting day.
[21:44] Yayoi
    Hey, let's write our own ema plaques.
[21:46] Yayoi
    With wishes like, "Please let us
    win the Teppen Grand Prix!"
[21:49] Yomogi
    Yeah, but I'd rather wish on a shooting star.
[21:52] Yomogi
    They're more romantic.
[21:54] Yuzu
    Oh! A shooting star!
[21:55] Yayoi
    No kidding! Please let us
    win the Teppen Grand Prix!
[21:59] Yomogi
    Isn't that shooting star a little...
[21:59] Yayoi
    Let us win! Let us win!
[22:01] Yomogi
    ...slow?
[22:04] [SONG] Lead
    Go! We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[22:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[22:16] [SONG] lead
    Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
    on with the show today.
[22:19] [SONG] lead
    We've just got four minutes, but we
    hope you hear everything that we say.
[22:22] [SONG] back
    Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
    didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
[22:24] [SONG] lead
    We hope you enjoy the show today.
[22:27] [SONG] lead
    Here at home with you, in your living room,
     we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
[22:33] [SONG] lead
    We've all dreamed to see if we could be
    on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
[22:42] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:45] [SONG] lead
    It's all good when we're laughing together.
[22:48] [SONG] lead
    If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
    so what! That's still part of our destiny.
[22:53] [SONG] lead
    Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
[22:56] [SONG] lead
    We'll hit it big if we
    keep laughing together.
[22:59] [SONG] lead
    We never knew that life
    could ever be like this,
[23:02] [SONG] lead
    and now that we're going, you know
    there's no way we'll ever stop!
[23:05] [SONG] lead
    We want to live life to
    the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
[23:09] [SONG] back
    Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
[23:10] [SONG] lead
    All of our searching, all of our
    training is fading out into the past.
[23:16] [SONG] lead
    But to us now, those memories
    will always be so precious.
[23:22] [SONG] lead
    All of the tears, all of the pain,
    rewriting life with our own words.
[23:27] [SONG] lead
    We want to laugh it all away with you,
    right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
SIGN    The Boss Battle Chapter