# E2 - The Cattle Chapter
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GN7UD9XQX/the-cattle-chapter)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] all three**
Hello!
**[00:05] Yayoi**
I'm Yayoi.
**[00:07] Yomogi**
I'm Yomogi.
**[00:08] Yuzu**
I'm Yuzu.
**[00:09] Yuzu**
Y!
**[00:10] Yayoi**
Y!
**[00:10] Yomogi**
Y!
**[00:11] all three**
We're Young Wai-Wai!
**[00:12] Yayoi**
You know, I think I've
been pretty lazy recently,
**[00:15] Yayoi**
so I decided to write up a
proper schedule for myself.
**[00:17] Yomogi**
Oh, nice idea.
**[00:18] Yayoi**
Twenty-four hours for me is like...
**[00:38] Yuzu**
Morning!
**[00:39] Yayoi**
Morning.
**[00:41] Yomogi**
I'm home.
**[00:42] Yuzu**
Welcome back.
**[00:44] Yayoi**
Good morning, Yomogine.
**[00:45] Yomogi**
Who are you calling Yomogine?
**[00:47] Yomogi**
When did I become a
naturalized French citizen?
**[00:49] Yayoi**
Still early, and you're already in peak form.
**[00:53] Yomogi**
Anyway, I found this on the
floor by the front door.
***SIGN*** Fulfill Your Greatest Wishes
**[00:57] Yayoi**
A Watson?
**[00:58] Yomogi**
An *ema*!
**[00:58] Yuzu**
A wishing plaque? Seiji-san did
say there was a shrine nearby...
**[01:01] Yayoi**
I wonder if someone in the dorm wrote it.
**[01:04] Yuzu**
I don't know what it says,
but I hope the wish comes true.
**[01:07] Yayoi**
Yeah.
**[01:08] Yomogi**
Tonight, eight o'clock, head
of state, assassination.
***SIGN*** tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
**[01:14] all three**
I hope this one *doesn't* come true!
**[01:17] [SONG] all**
Yeah!
**[01:17] [SONG] Yomogi**
So, what's comedy?
**[01:18] [SONG] Yayoi**
Yo!
**[01:18] [SONG] Yuzu**
Tough question, for me
**[01:19] [SONG] Yayoi**
What could it be?
It's too far out to see!
**[01:21] [SONG] Yuzu & Yomogi**
Be! See!
**[01:22] [SONG] Yomogi**
Boke and tsukkomi, in the zone
**[01:22] [SONG] Yayoi**
Ye ye, in the zone!
**[01:23] [SONG] Yuzu**
We got god-tier jokes on the horizon
**[01:24] [SONG] Yayoi & Yomogi**
God! Horizon!
**[01:26] [SONG] Kana**
Wanna see us split into bunshin
**[01:26] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose**
Yeah!
**[01:27] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose**
Bullets!
**[01:27] [SONG] Kana**
And hear gags flying at you like bullets?
**[01:29] [SONG] Kana**
Leave it to comedy ninjas!
**[01:30] [SONG] Iroha & Chitose**
Nin-nin!
**[01:30] [SONG] Saeka**
High society, celebrity
**[01:30] [SONG] Hikari & Mako**
High! Celebrity!
**[01:32] [SONG] Saeka**
The cleanest jokes are our priority
**[01:33] [SONG] Hikari & Mako**
Priority!
**[01:34] [SONG] Miyu**
Yeah, Akudare, making you all laugh
**[01:35] [SONG] Hina & Misao**
Yeah!
**[01:36] [SONG] Hina & Misao**
Ah! Ah!
**[01:37] [SONG] Miyu**
Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back
**[01:37] [SONG] Hina & Misao**
Conquerors from Earth to heaven and back!
**[01:39] [SONG] Yuina**
We. Are. The. Invaders. Yo.
**[01:40] [SONG] Chihori & Mone**
Ah Invaders
**[01:41] [SONG] Chihori & Mone**
That should tell you all you need to know
**[01:42] [SONG] Chihori & Mone**
Need to know!
**[01:42] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Yeah!
**[01:43] [SONG] Yuzu**
Shake it up, Wai-Wai!
**[01:43] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Wai-Wai!
**[01:44] [SONG] Yomogi**
Heat up the timeline!
**[01:44] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Timeline!
**[01:45] [SONG] Yayoi**
Scramble for the win,
we won't give up our pride
**[01:47] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Pride!
**[01:47] [SONG] Yomogi**
Found a new line
**[01:48] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Oh!
**[01:48] [SONG] Yuzu**
Gonna sweep the prime time
**[01:49] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Oh!
**[01:49] [SONG] Yayoi**
Who's on top then?
**[01:51] [SONG] all Young Wai-Wai**
Gotta take the Teppen!
**[01:51] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina**
Take it to the top
**[01:52] [SONG] all call**
Doin' it for real!
**[01:53] [SONG] Kana; Saeka**
We'll show you, giving everything
we got, oh yeah
**[01:55] [SONG] all call**
Oh yeah
**[01:56] [SONG] Miyu; Yuina**
Gonna face the challenge head-on
**[01:56] [SONG] all call**
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
**[01:58] [SONG] Kana; Saeka; Miyu; Yuina**
Running straight ahead
**[01:58] [SONG] all call**
Yo! Yo! Yo!
**[01:59] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai**
Take it to the top
**[02:00] [SONG] all call**
Yeah that's right!
**[02:02] [SONG] Young Wai-Wai**
It's show
**[02:02] [SONG] Yomogi**
Don't slow down to hear them
call you funny, not a day
**[02:05] [SONG] Yuzu**
You'll never reach the top that way
**[02:05] [SONG] all call**
Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh yeah!
**[02:07] [SONG] Yayoi**
You know it's true, what we say
**[02:09] [SONG] all call**
Hey!
**[02:10] [SONG] all sing**
But this isn't about us just getting a laugh
**[02:13] [SONG] all call**
Yeah! Yeah!
**[02:15] [SONG] all sing**
That's not why we're here
It's much bigger, bigger than all that
**[02:19] [SONG] all call**
All that
**[02:20] [SONG] all sing**
We want to get
**[02:20] [SONG] all call**
We want to get, yeah!
**[02:23] [SONG] all sing**
At last the genuine reason
we're living in this world
**[02:23] [SONG] all call**
At last the genuine reason
we're living in this world
**[02:27] [SONG] all sing**
Yeah if we are the ones
that are making you laugh
**[02:28] [SONG] all call**
Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye!
**[02:32] [SONG] all sing**
We gotta go so hard it'll really,
really give us that, you know?
**[02:37] [SONG] all sing**
Top of the laugh
**[02:37] [SONG] all call**
Top of the laugh Ye~ah!
**[02:40] [SONG] all sing**
At last we're gonna give it our all, our way.
We're gonna make it to the top one day!
**[02:40] [SONG] all call**
At last we're gonna give it our all, our way,
oh! We're gonna make it to the top one day!
**[02:45] [SONG] Yayoi**
Aw yeah!
***SIGN*** The Cattle Chapter
***SIGN*** Tokyo
***SIGN*** News
***SIGN*** PRESIDENT ARRIVES IN JAPAN
***SIGN*** YESTERDAY 7:20 PM
**[02:56] Announcer**
* The president landed at Kansai*
* International Airport yesterday*
**[02:59] Announcer**
*to take part in the summit meetings.*
**[03:01] Yayoi**
The president really is here.
***SIGN*** tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
**[03:05] Yuzu**
But an assassination?
**[03:07] Yomogi**
What should we do? This isn't a wish,
it's a plan! A declaration, even!
**[03:11] Yayoi**
C-Calm down, Yomogi!
**[03:14] Yayoi**
Let me get my glowing stick.
**[03:15] Yayoi**
When it flashes, you'll forget everything!
**[03:18] Yomogi**
You're the one who needs
to calm down, Agent Y!
**[03:20] Yayoi**
If that's where you found it,
**[03:22] Yayoi**
then someone in Takako-so
must be after the president!
**[03:24] Yomogi**
W-We need to tell the police.
**[03:26] Yayoi**
You can't!
**[03:28] Yayoi**
If you do that, they'll catch
the person who wrote it!
**[03:30] Yuzu**
But they're planning an assassination.
**[03:33] Yayoi**
I know, but all of us here
are on the same side!
**[03:36] Yayoi**
We came together because we
love comedy. We're all friends here.
**[03:40] Yayoi**
I don't want anyone to get arrested.
**[03:41] Yomogi**
Yayoi...
***SIGN*** tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
**[03:44] Yayoi**
All right, then. I'll find out who wrote it.
**[03:47] Yayoi**
Then I'll stop the assassination!
**[03:49] Yomogi**
Stop it? But how?
**[03:51] Yayoi**
We'll talk it out. There's no way a
comedy fan would be totally evil.
**[03:54] Yuzu**
Good point. If you can talk it out,
maybe they'll come to their senses.
**[03:58] Yuzu**
I agree with Yayoi's idea.
**[04:02] Yomogi**
Okay, fine. I'll go along with it.
**[04:04] Yomogi**
I guess we should be
proud that the job landed
**[04:06] Yomogi**
on manzai comedians who are
so good at eakingspay.
**[04:08] Yayoi**
I knew you'd understand,
Yomogi! That's my man!
**[04:10] Yomogi**
I'm totally a girl!
**[04:19] Mone**
Seiji-san, where's the milk?
**[04:22] Seiji**
Aw, sorry. All we have are protein drinks.
**[04:24] Mone**
Eh...
**[04:25] Miyu**
Natto from Mito is so delish!
**[04:28] Announcer**
*The president successfully arrived at the summit.*
**[04:28] Misao**
Did you buy that yourself?
**[04:30] Miyu**
That's right! To help
spread Ibaraki culture!
**[04:31] Announcer**
*That's all for the news today.*
***SIGN*** Tokyo
***SIGN*** News
***SIGN*** SUMMIT MEETING
***SIGN*** All-Day
***SIGN*** Rampage Detective
**[04:33] TV voice**
**All-Day Rampage Detective*!*
**[04:36] TV voice**
*The hit show, now airing!*
**[04:37] Yuzu**
The assassination is at 8:00 tonight.
**[04:40] Yuzu**
That's what it said, right?
**[04:42] Yomogi**
We've got to find who's planning it and
convince them to stop before then.
**[04:52] Yomogi**
Say, Mako-chan, what are you hiding there?
**[04:54] Mako**
Huh?
**[04:55] Yayoi**
That shape... Could it be...
**[04:58] Yayoi**
A pistol?
**[05:00] Hikari**
We're only allowed one banana a day.
**[05:02] Mako**
I'm sorry!
**[05:04] Hikari**
Geez, you're such a scrounger.
**[05:06] Mako**
I'm not scrounging!
**[05:07] Mako**
I could buy the island of New Guinea
and *all* its bananas, if I wanted!
**[05:07] Hikari**
Yeah, whatever.
**[05:09] Yayoi**
Ugh. This is a wild goose chase.
**[05:11] Yuzu**
Hey, take a look over there.
**[05:13] Yuzu**
Kana-chan from Bullet Kunoichi.
**[05:15] Yuzu**
She hasn't been looking well. I wonder why.
**[05:18] Yomogi**
Could she be nervous
about the assassination?
**[05:21] Yayoi**
Maybe she's tortured with guilt.
**[05:26] Kana**
I feel so sick.
**[05:28] Kana**
Why do I have to run a 10K
in the morning, anyway?
**[05:30] Iroha**
You're too out of shape, Kana.
**[05:33] Iroha**
You gotta build up some body strength.
**[05:33] Chitose**
Uh-huh.
**[05:35] Kana**
I'm gonna die before I tell a single joke.
**[05:37] Kana**
Then they're gonna build
a pyramid for my grave!
**[05:40] Chitose**
You think you're an ancient
Egyptian king or something?
**[05:47] Yuzu**
Whoever it is, they aren't
letting their guard down.
**[05:49] Yomogi**
I'm starting to wonder if we'll even
find the assassin before tonight.
**[05:53] Yayoi**
Don't worry about it! We've still
got lots and lots of time.
**[05:56] Yomogi**
But you know, this is someone
trying to kill the president.
**[06:01] Yomogi**
Do you really think they'd listen to us?
**[06:03] Yuzu**
In that case, let's try something else.
**[06:05] Yuzu**
Let's poison them!
**[06:07] Yayoi & Yomogi**
Poison?!
***SIGN*** Young Wai-Wai
**[06:09] Yuzu**
We'll spike Yomogi's takoyaki with a poison
that makes people get numb and tingly.
**[06:13] Mako**
This is a disaster!
***SIGN*** Young Wai-Wai
**[06:15] Yuzu**
The assassin won't be able to move.
**[06:17] Yuzu**
If they can't get away,
they'll have to talk to us, right?
**[06:20] Yomogi**
Man, that's dark! But how do we get
them to eat it in the first place?
**[06:24] Yayoi**
If we tell them the takoyaki
will raise their assassin stats,
**[06:28] Yayoi**
wouldn't they think it's
a power-up and chow down?
**[06:31] Yomogi**
Takoyaki doesn't give stat buffs!
**[06:33] Hikari**
Poison?
**[06:34] Saeka**
Are you certain that's what
they were talking about?
**[06:37] Mako**
Without a doubt!
**[06:38] Mako**
They had evil grins on their faces and
were plotting to poison people to death!
***SIGN*** ° For Illustration Only
**[06:42] Saeka**
But poison whom?
**[06:45] Mako**
Isn't it obvious? Every single one of us!
**[06:48] Mako**
They want to take out everyone in the dorm!
**[06:51] Hikari**
To be sure, with their rivals out of the way,
**[06:53] Hikari**
they would have an advantage in
the Teppen Grand Prix finals.
**[06:55] Saeka**
How could they go that far?
**[06:58] Saeka**
I've made a decision.
**[07:00] Saeka**
Let's show Young Wai-Wai every
ounce of hospitality we can!
**[07:03] Mako**
Huh?
**[07:04] Hikari**
What do you mean?
**[07:05] Saeka**
They're willing to use inhuman means to win.
**[07:08] Saeka**
I'm sure they've been debased
by the poverty in their hearts.
**[07:13] Saeka**
Right now, those girls could be compared
to a Hitsumabushi without the grilled eel.
**[07:17] Saeka**
Pitiful! Simply too much white rice!
**[07:20] Saeka**
We're the only ones who can save them.
**[07:22] Saeka**
Let's soothe and comfort
their ailing hearts.
**[07:26] Saeka**
Then they'll see poison for the crime
it is and surely abandon their plans!
**[07:39] Seiji**
Yeah, macho macho!
**[07:41] Seiji**
Right macho, left macho!
Macho up, macho down!
**[07:45] Seiji**
And pose!
**[07:47] Seiji**
Hey! Who said that you could rest?!
**[07:50] Yayoi**
Is this some kind of dance?
**[07:52] Yomogi**
I have no idea what part
it's supposed to work out.
**[07:55] Yuzu**
I'm so exhausted.
**[07:57] Seiji**
Oh well... Let's take a short break.
**[08:02] Saeka**
Young Wai-Wai members, we'd like to
offer you some refreshments today.
**[08:07] Saeka**
Preparations!
**[08:08] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu**
Huh?
**[08:12] Saeka**
Well, then, please help yourselves.
**[08:14] Yayoi; Yomogi; Yuzu**
Huh?!
**[08:15] Hikari**
Here's some Japanese sweets, too!
**[08:17] Hikari**
I had them sent from home.
**[08:20] Yomogi**
What's this all about?
**[08:21] Kana**
Hey, that's unfair! We want to eat some, too!
**[08:23] Saeka**
You may not.
**[08:24] Saeka**
We prepared this only for the
members of Young Wai-Wai.
***SIGN*** Against Extreme Weight Loss
**[08:28] Chitose**
That's favoritism! No playing favorites!
**[08:30] Iroha; Chitose**
We protest!
**[08:31] Hina**
Huh? Empty...
**[08:33] Hina**
My throat's so dry.
**[08:35] Yuzu**
Um...
**[08:37] Yuzu**
I bought an extra one. Would you like it?
***SIGN*** Lemon
**[08:42] Mako**
*Could that be... the poison?*
**[08:43] Hina**
Ah, lemon's not my thing.
**[08:46] Yuzu**
Not your favorite? But this
one has a mild flavor.
**[08:49] Mako**
Stop! You'll die!
**[08:50] Yuzu**
Huh? Do you really hate it that much?
**[08:52] Hina**
Um...
**[08:53] Yayoi**
Finders keepers!
**[08:56] Yayoi**
So tasty, tho!
**[08:58] Mako**
What?
**[08:59] Yomogi**
Um, this is very generous,
but we can't accept it.
**[09:02] Yayoi**
What?!
**[09:03] Yuzu**
Yayoi!
**[09:04] Saeka**
Oh, really? That's too bad.
**[09:20] Yuina**
Are you watching that same show again?
**[09:23] Mone**
Isn't it an awesome show?
**[09:26] Yuina**
What's it called?
**[09:28] Mone**
*All-Day Rampage Detective*.
**[09:32] Chihori**
Earthlings sure are robust.
**[09:36] Yuina**
You're talking like an alien again.
**[09:38] Chihori**
N-No, I'm not! I'm not an alien!
**[09:41] Chihori**
No Earth, no life!
**[09:43] Mone**
It'd be pretty funny if you
really were an alien, though.
**[09:44] Kana**
Okay!
**[09:53] Kana**
Infiltration successful.
**[09:54] Kana**
Now I just have to locate
and acquire the target.
**[09:59] Kana**
Apologies, Celebs. Even people like
me want to eat gourmet sweets.
**[10:05] Hikari**
It wasn't poisoned after all.
**[10:07] Mako**
Is it possible they've realized
that we're on to them?
**[10:10] Hikari**
In that case, we'll have to pay them off.
**[10:14] Kana**
Huh?!
**[10:15] Mako**
You're gonna give money to the
members of Young Wai-Wai?
**[10:18] Hikari**
Financial influence can be very
helpful for filling an empty heart.
**[10:21] Saeka**
If we can resolve this with a small amount
of money, that may be the best way.
**[10:25] Saeka**
How does 500 million yen per person sound?
**[10:28] Kana**
F-Five hundred million yen?
**[10:30] Mako**
That's too much! That would
only encourage them!
**[10:33] Saeka**
Really?
**[10:34] Hikari**
I wonder.
**[10:41] Iroha**
A bribe like that isn't very subtle.
***SIGN*** Takoyaki
***SIGN*** Fancy
***SIGN*** Fancy
**[10:43] Kana**
I bet they'll use it to pay off some bigwig
in the Teppen Grand Prix and buy the win!
**[10:48] Chitose**
Wait, what's with the wetsuit?
**[10:48] Kana**
It isn't fair when we're
out here doing our best!
**[10:51] Chitose**
Yo, what's with the wetsuit?
**[10:51] Kana**
Iroha-senpai, Chitose-senpai,
help me out here!
**[10:54] Kana**
I want the Celebs to start
taking comedy seriously again!
**[10:59] Chitose**
You aren't listening!
**[11:02] Saeka**
We can't let the Young Wai-Wai
girls turn to a life of crime.
**[11:06] Saeka**
We're the only ones who can
keep that from happening.
**[11:09] Yuzu**
We still haven't found the assassin.
**[11:12] Yomogi**
And we're almost out of time, too!
**[11:15] Yayoi**
We'll have to do it during
the afternoon rehearsals.
**[11:17] Kana**
We have to stop the bribery!
**[11:19] Kana**
We gotta hustle, Bullet Kunoichi!
**[11:22] Saeka**
We will surely prevent the poison attack.
**[11:24] Saeka**
I swear it on the name of Celebri-Tea!
**[11:27] Yayoi**
We've got to stop the assassination.
**[11:29] Yayoi**
Let's do this, Young Wai-Wai!
***SIGN*** Teppen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***SIGN*** Love Saves Ibaraki
***SIGN*** Akudare Kingdom
**[11:42] Yuina**
My name is Jupitris Naru-Naru Neiji Yuina.
**[11:45] Yuina**
The Earth is in danger!
**[11:46] Mone**
No need to worry. We are in
possession of this secret weapon.
**[11:50] Chihori**
It is true that Jovians are
disgusted by Yubari melons.
**[11:54] Mone**
Reconciliation talks are also an option.
**[11:55] Mone**
We are prepared to offer
a Grinding Lover cookie.
**[11:57] Chihori**
There it is!
**[11:58] Chihori**
The cookie taking Mars by storm!
Grinding Lover!
***SIGN*** Love Saves Ibaraki
**[12:02] Miyu**
Love saves Ibaraki! Let's go, let's go!
**[12:06] Misao**
That's a lot less to save than the Earth!
**[12:07] Hina**
Why would anyone save a place like Ibaraki?
**[12:10] Hina**
There ain't nothing good there, anyway.
**[12:12] Miyu**
That ain't true!
**[12:13] Miyu**
A while ago, I saw a dude having
a friendly chat with a cop.
**[12:17] Misao**
He was probably getting a citation!
**[12:19] Misao**
Don't put a positive spin on it!
**[12:21] Yayoi**
My uncle's home is an
okonomiyaki restaurant.
**[12:24] Yomogi**
My home is a takoyaki place.
They're both floury foods, right?
**[12:27] Yomogi**
That's why we named our old duo
Konamons, for "Flour People."
**[12:31] Yuzu**
That's so cool! I feel kind of left out.
**[12:34] Yuzu**
Maybe I should start a store, too.
**[12:36] Yomogi**
Why not? What'll you sell?
**[12:37] Yuzu**
Bread made from flower seeds!
**[12:39] Yomogi**
You can't really make bread that way!
**[12:40] Yomogi**
And that isn't the "flour" we meant.
**[12:42] Yayoi**
I actually bought some
seedy bread the other day.
**[12:45] Yayoi**
The bread shop was run by a married couple,
**[12:48] Yayoi**
but the husband was cheating
with a young employee and...
**[12:51] Yomogi**
That's a different kind of seedy!
**[12:53] Saeka**
That was simply lovely!
**[12:56] Saeka**
Young Wai-Wai, your stand-up
really is the best.
**[12:59] Yomogi**
Oh. Thank you kindly.
**[13:01] Saeka**
This isn't much, considering the transcendent
comedy you've shared with us,
**[13:04] Saeka**
but please accept this gift.
**[13:09] Saeka**
It's worth 500 million yen.
**[13:11] Yuzu**
Five hundred million?!
**[13:12] Yayoi**
It's blinding me!
**[13:13] Yomogi**
Yeah, no, we can't accept that!
**[13:15] Mako**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[13:18] Hikari**
You okay, Mako?
**[13:19] Yuzu**
Isn't this suspicious?
**[13:21] Yayoi & Yomogi**
Huh?
**[13:21] Yuzu**
This might mean they want to pay
us to drop our investigation.
**[13:25] Yomogi**
It couldn't be...
**[13:27] Hikari**
Saeka is the heiress to a conglomerate
that includes the company
**[13:30] Hikari**
with the largest market share
of tea leaves in Japan.
**[13:33] Saeka**
Oh, dear. But Hikari here is
the daughter of the president
**[13:36] Saeka**
of the largest sweets company
in Aichi Prefecture.
**[13:38] Mako**
I'm pretty rich, too!
**[13:40] Mako**
I can eat two cup noodles in one sitting.
**[13:42] Saeka**
There's something I've been
thinking of purchasing recently.
**[13:44] Mako**
Eh...
**[13:45] Hikari**
What is it?
**[13:46] Saeka**
Tokyo Tower.
**[13:48] Hikari**
Yeah, you gotta b—
**[13:50] Hikari**
Well, maybe you could, Saeka.
**[13:51] Saeka**
When I checked my purse,
I had just enough to cover it.
**[13:54] Hikari**
You carry that much around?
**[13:58] Kana**
Hear me out!
**[13:59] Kana**
The most important thing for stand-up is the
passion to chase after comedy single-mindedly!
**[14:03] Chitose**
That's exactly right!
**[14:04] Chitose**
And Celebri-Tea has what it takes!
**[14:06] Iroha**
Let's all fight fair, Celebri-Tea!
**[14:09] Iroha**
We know you're strong enough to do it!
**[14:11] Hikari**
What was that? Was it really manzai?
**[14:13] Mako**
Is it a different style or something?
**[14:14] Saeka**
It seems more like they're trying to
teach us a lesson than tell us a joke.
**[14:18] Yayoi**
Hey, hey, wasn't that weird?
**[14:20] Yayoi**
Maybe they're trying to get pumped
up for tonight's assassination.
**[14:23] Yomogi**
An assassination isn't something
you get "pumped up" for!
**[14:26] Mako**
Hey. I just heard you say "assassination."
**[14:29] Mako**
Are you trying to poison
Bullet Kunoichi first?
**[14:32] Saeka**
You've left us no other choice, have you?
**[14:35] Saeka**
Members of Young Wai-Wai,
you mustn't do anything rash!
**[14:39] Saeka**
I can see straight through
everything you're thinking!
**[14:43] Yomogi**
Huh? Straight through?
**[14:45] Yayoi**
Do you think they know we're
trying to stop the assassination?
**[14:48] Saeka**
I can understand how you all feel.
**[14:51] Saeka**
However, nobody has the right to get
in the way of anyone else's dream!
**[14:55] Yayoi**
I guess maybe that's some kind of a dream...
**[14:58] Yuzu**
But if we *don't* get in the way,
something terrible will happen!
**[15:01] Kana**
It's good to have dreams.
**[15:02] Kana**
But you know, Saeka-san,
if your dream truly is sincere,
**[15:06] Kana**
I really think you have to fight
fair and square to reach it!
**[15:11] Yomogi**
A fair fight would be a disaster, too!
**[15:14] Kana**
You gotta chase your dreams fairly!
**[15:14] Kanae**
Don't do anything rash, Young Wai-Wai!
**[15:14] Yayoi**
What are you talking about?
**[15:16] Seiji**
All of you...
**[15:17] Seiji**
You're supposed to be
rehearsing your routines!
**[15:19] Seiji**
If you keep squabbling,
**[15:21] Seiji**
I'll make you do 30
dumbbell concentration curls!
**[15:23] Yomogi**
The punishment still doesn't fit the crime!
**[15:31] Misao**
That was a total mess. Why was
everybody acting so strange?
**[15:34] Hina**
We had no clue what was happening,
so maybe we're the weirdos.
**[15:38] Hina**
We are from Ibaraki, after all.
**[15:40] Misao**
How does that explain anything?
**[15:42] Miyu**
Strange. It's gotta be
around here somewhere.
**[15:45] Misao**
What is? What are you looking for?
**[15:47] Misao**
What did you drag us along for?
**[15:50] Miyu**
I figured out the one thing
that this city really needs.
**[15:54] Miyu**
More Ibaraki! So I've decided
to build up Ibaraki here!
**[15:58] Misao**
Do you mean something
like a tourism showroom?
**[16:02] Miyu**
Yeah! Good idea, right?
**[16:04] Miyu**
I've been looking for the right location.
**[16:08] Miyu**
I've already got a few candidates.
**[16:10] Miyu**
Now we just gotta take a look.
**[16:13] Yuina**
Why do we have a cow?
**[16:15] Mone**
As we're from Hokkaido, we need a glass
of fresh-squeezed milk in the morning.
**[16:20] Mone**
We needed a cow for that.
**[16:22] Yuina**
But *how* do we have a cow?
**[16:23] Chihori**
I found it wandering around.
**[16:25] Yuina**
You don't just *find* cows
wandering around!
**[16:27] Mone**
I guess we got really lucky, huh.
**[16:29] Yuina**
Luck doesn't explain something like this!
**[16:31] Yuina**
We can't keep it at Takako-so,
anyway. It's a cow!
**[16:34] Mone**
That's right. Pets aren't
allowed at Takako-so.
**[16:38] Mone**
That's why we gotta find a
good home for it to live in.
**[16:41] Chihori**
The place the real estate agent talked
about should be right around here.
**[16:46] Mone**
He sure was surprised when we asked if
he had a good house for a cow, though.
**[16:51] Yuina**
For sure.
**[16:52] Mone**
Oh.
**[16:53] Mone & Miyu**
There it is.
**[16:54] Misao**
Howdy, Invaders. What are y'all doin' here?
**[16:56] Mone**
That's our question.
**[16:56] Miyu**
Oh, this is just like I imagined!
**[16:59] Miyu**
It'll make a great Ibaraki shop!
**[17:02] Mone**
Now, wait a second. We're planning
to make this our cow's new home.
**[17:06] Miyu**
What are you talkin' about? I found it first!
**[17:09] Mone**
We beat you by 0.1 seconds. So there!
**[17:12] Miyu**
No stinkin' way!
**[17:13] Chihori**
C'mon, Mone, you know you
can't get in a fight.
**[17:15] Misao**
Miyu, you're not supposed to start trouble.
**[17:17] Yuina**
Well, then, how about we let
the cow run the Ibaraki shop?
**[17:20] Yuina**
Would that be okay?
**[17:21] Mone & Miyu**
No way!
**[17:22] Mone**
Cows from Hokkaido are way too sensitive.
**[17:25] Mone**
Being surrounded with natto and pots of
monkfish stew will stress them out.
**[17:28] Misao**
What kind of image is that?!
**[17:30] Miyu**
Ibaraki punks will pick a
fight with any cow they see.
**[17:33] Miyu**
It won't work!
**[17:33] Misao**
Who has a death wish like that?!
**[17:35] Yuina**
Back us up here, Chihori.
**[17:37] Mone**
It's a cow house, not an
Ibaraki shop, right? Right?
**[17:41] Chihori**
Well, okay. The objective data says...
**[17:44] Miyu**
Data?
**[17:45] Chihori**
I just found a poll of Martians,
Jovians, and Saturnians,
**[17:49] Chihori**
asking which prefecture
they'd most like to live in,
**[17:51] Chihori**
in which Ibaraki ranked last
for five years straight.
**[17:53] Misao**
What kind of ranking is that?
**[17:55] Hina**
Now, *who* just made fun of Ibaraki?
**[17:58] Mone**
Um, Hina?
**[17:59] Hina**
Which of you creeps is
making fun of Ibaraki?
**[18:02] Hina**
Why the heck do we have
to take that from you?
**[18:05] Hina**
You wanna be tossed into
a monkfish stew, too?!
**[18:07] Hina**
You wanna take a shoulder throw from
one of the seals at Aqua World? Huh?!
**[18:11] Chihori**
I don't know what you want me to say.
**[18:14] Miyu**
She mad.
**[18:15] Misao**
Geez. She's fine joking about herself,
**[18:18] Misao**
but when someone else makes fun
of Ibaraki, she always loses it.
**[18:20] Yayoi**
Hold it right there!
**[18:22] Yuina**
W-What?!
**[18:23] Yuzu**
We've been quietly tailing the Invaders.
**[18:26] Mone**
How come?
**[18:27] Yayoi**
Heh-heh.
**[18:28] Yayoi**
My dazzling powers of deduction
**[18:30] Yayoi**
have revealed that the Invaders
are the most likely culprits!
***SIGN*** Presidential
Assassination
***SIGN*** Who Benefits?
***SIGN*** Aliens Targeting
the Earth
***SIGN*** Invaders
**[18:34] Mako**
Stop right there!
**[18:35] Yuina**
What is it this time?
**[18:37] Saeka**
We had good reason to tail
the Young Wai-Wai members
**[18:41] Saeka**
who were tailing the Invaders members.
**[18:43] Yuina**
Tailing the tail?
**[18:45] Mako**
Just watch! We'll stop
Young Wai-Wai's evil plan!
**[18:48] Mako**
We know all about it!
**[18:49] Mako**
The cow was going be a test
subject for their poison!
**[18:52] Hikari**
If a poison can kill a cow, it can
most certainly kill a human.
**[18:56] Hikari**
You sure thought this through.
**[18:57] Saeka**
Please, stop this now.
**[18:59] Saeka**
Please don't poison
innocent people and cows!
**[19:02] Yomogi**
What's with all this talk about poison?
**[19:04] Kana**
Hold it right there!
**[19:06] Yuina**
Another group?
**[19:07] Iroha**
We had good reason to tail Celebri-Tea,
**[19:10] Iroha**
who were tailing Young Wai-Wai,
who were tailing the Invaders!
**[19:15] Misao**
I'm totally lost right now.
**[19:17] Kana**
Celebs! Cease your dastardly bribery!
**[19:20] Kana**
We know you were going to use
that cow for high-quality beef
**[19:23] Kana**
to bribe the Teppen Grand Prix bigwigs with!
**[19:25] Chitose**
You knew that money might be traced,
**[19:27] Chitose**
so you decided to pay your bribes
with steak. A truly clever plan!
**[19:30] Saeka**
What are you talking about?
**[19:32] Hikari**
I really don't think that
cow is meant to be eaten.
**[19:35] Mako**
Well, I'd take a bite.
**[19:36] Mone**
What's your problem, anyway?
**[19:38] Yayoi**
Can you kill someone with milk
if they're lactose intolerant?
**[19:39] Mako**
How could you poison such
a delicious-looking cow?
**[19:39] Mone**
The cow is just for milk!
**[19:41] Yuina**
Come on, what is this all about?
***SIGN*** tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
**[19:51] Chihori**
I'm so sorry! They won't
let us keep cows here.
**[19:55] Chihori**
Please take it home!
**[19:59] Chihori**
I sent the cow home.
**[20:00] Mone**
Huh? How?
**[20:02] Yomogi**
Oh, come on, there's no
way we'd poison anyone.
**[20:05] Saeka**
It's such an insult that you could
ever think we would bribe anyone!
**[20:08] Kana**
I'm really sorry!
**[20:09] Chitose**
Kana always jumps to conclusions.
**[20:11] Mako**
Oh, yeah, she does!
**[20:13] Hikari**
You too, Mako.
**[20:14] Mako**
Um...
**[20:14] Yayoi**
I guess it was all just a misunderstanding.
**[20:17] Yuzu**
But if so, what was the ema plaque about?
**[20:19] Seiji**
Oh? This symbol...
***SIGN*** tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
**[20:21] Yayoi**
Do you recognize it, Seiji-san?
**[20:23] Seiji**
It's from *All-Day Rampage Detective*.
Haven't you seen it?
**[20:26] Chihori**
Oh, yes! The clever Terran TV show.
**[20:29] Yuzu**
You mean the popular series
about the detective who relies
**[20:32] Yuzu**
on his incredible physical stamina
to solve crimes all day long?
**[20:36] Seiji**
Yeah, that's the one.
**[20:37] Seiji**
Next week's episode is about a death threat
**[20:39] Seiji**
sent to the head chef of a
crooked diner called State,
**[20:43] Seiji**
who sells fried tofu passed off as steaks.
**[20:45] Yomogi**
Is that the crime?!
**[20:47] Seiji**
I'm pretty sure this is the symbol used
by the terrorist group in the show.
***SIGN*** tonight 8 o'clock head of state assassination
**[20:51] Yuzu**
Does that mean...
**[20:53] Yuzu**
When you were doing your
usual morning cleaning...
**[21:05] Yuzu**
Like that?
**[21:06] all girls**
Glare...
**[21:08] Seiji**
H-Hey now! Are you blaming this on me?
**[21:12] Bauer**
Don't move! Everyone, hands up!
**[21:14] Assistant Director-kun**
I'm so sorry! There's been a mistake!
This isn't the location for the shoot!
**[21:18] Bauer**
Huh? Really?
**[21:19] Assistant Director-kun**
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
**[21:20] staff**
Oh, come on! What are you doing?
**[21:22] staff**
Why didn't you tell us sooner?
**[21:22] Bauer**
I came to the wrong location,
and I regret it deeply.
**[21:30] Yuzu**
I wonder where the real
shooting location was.
**[21:32] Yayoi**
I hear it was supposed to be at
the White House, not Takako-so.
**[21:35] Yomogi**
How could they mix those up?
**[21:37] Yomogi**
Gimme a break.
**[21:38] all three**
Thank you very much!
**[21:41] Yomogi**
Another exhausting day.
**[21:44] Yayoi**
Hey, let's write our own ema plaques.
**[21:46] Yayoi**
With wishes like, "Please let us
win the Teppen Grand Prix!"
**[21:49] Yomogi**
Yeah, but I'd rather wish on a shooting star.
**[21:52] Yomogi**
They're more romantic.
**[21:54] Yuzu**
Oh! A shooting star!
**[21:55] Yayoi**
No kidding! Please let us
win the Teppen Grand Prix!
**[21:59] Yomogi**
Isn't that shooting star a little...
**[21:59] Yayoi**
Let us win! Let us win!
**[22:01] Yomogi**
...slow?
**[22:04] [SONG] Lead**
Go! We want to live life to
the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
**[22:09] [SONG] back**
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
**[22:16] [SONG] lead**
Hi! Hi! Hello! Let's get
on with the show today.
**[22:19] [SONG] lead**
We've just got four minutes, but we
hope you hear everything that we say.
**[22:22] [SONG] back**
Hey there cutie, hey there cutie,
didn't even miss a beat there, cutie.
**[22:24] [SONG] lead**
We hope you enjoy the show today.
**[22:27] [SONG] lead**
Here at home with you, in your living room,
we'll put a twinkle into your eyes.
**[22:33] [SONG] lead**
We've all dreamed to see if we could be
on a stage so free. Now it's a reality!
**[22:42] [SONG] lead**
Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
**[22:45] [SONG] lead**
It's all good when we're laughing together.
**[22:48] [SONG] lead**
If we bomb, slip, even if we cry,
so what! That's still part of our destiny.
**[22:53] [SONG] lead**
Keep laughing! Keep laughing! Ha-ha-ing!
**[22:56] [SONG] lead**
We'll hit it big if we
keep laughing together.
**[22:59] [SONG] lead**
We never knew that life
could ever be like this,
**[23:02] [SONG] lead**
and now that we're going, you know
there's no way we'll ever stop!
**[23:05] [SONG] lead**
We want to live life to
the fullest. Yeah, we're serious!
**[23:09] [SONG] back**
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Teppen!
**[23:10] [SONG] lead**
All of our searching, all of our
training is fading out into the past.
**[23:16] [SONG] lead**
But to us now, those memories
will always be so precious.
**[23:22] [SONG] lead**
All of the tears, all of the pain,
rewriting life with our own words.
**[23:27] [SONG] lead**
We want to laugh it all away with you,
right up to the end. And that's a wrap!
***SIGN*** The Boss Battle Chapter