E3 - I'll Castrate You

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Mia
    Bring it on, Akagami!
[00:03] Mia
    Since you've already beaten
    Yuzuki-san and Tsukuyo-san...
[00:06] Yuzuki And Tsukuyo
    What?
[00:07] Mia
    I shall save this temple!
[00:10] Yuzuki
    Mia, you seem confused.
[00:13] Mia
    Don't worry. I'm long past
    asking Akagami to move out.
[00:17] Mia
    Akagami, should you lose our duel...
[00:22] Mia
    I'll castrate you.
[00:26] Akemitsu
    C-Castrate?
[00:30] Akemitsu
    So that's an option?!
[00:31] Yuzuki
    What? You're on board with that?!
[02:04] Yuzuki
    Akagami-kun, look after things while I'm gone.
SIGN    Episode 3: I'll Castrate You
[02:07] Akemitsu
    Got it.
[02:08] Yuzuki
    Try to get along with Mia.
[02:11] Akemitsu
    Got it.
[02:12] Kurage
    What does "castrate" mean?
[02:15] Tsukuyo
    Don't worry about that, Kurage.
[02:17] Yuzuki
    You can work it out with your fists.
[02:21] Akemitsu
    Got it!
[02:27] Yuzuki
    Well, we're off.
[02:30] Akemitsu
    Be careful.
[02:31] Mia
    Akagami!
[02:36] Kagura
    Peek.
[02:37] Mia
    Are you ready?
[02:41] Akemitsu
    Yes, Mia-san.
[02:43] Mia
    You're using my first name already?
[02:45] Mia
    Such a presumptuous man.
[02:47] Mia
    I am Mia Christoph.
[02:49] Mia
    I was already living here long before you.
    Show some respect for your senpai!
[02:54] Akemitsu
    We're in the same situation, then?
[02:57] Mia
    The same situation?!
[02:58] Mia
    H-How rude! I am earnestly doing
    my best to study Japanese culture at...
[03:01] Kagura
    My name is Kagura.
[03:03] Akemitsu
    How polite.
[03:04] Mia
    Don't ignore me!
[03:05] Kagura
    I also live here as her attendant.
[03:10] Akemitsu
    Are you Mia-san's sister?
[03:12] Kagura
    Her older sister, yes.
[03:13] Mia
    We're not sisters! And I'm older!
[03:17] Akemitsu
    By the way, Mia-san,
    why don't we call off this duel?
[03:21] Mia
    What? Are you making fun of me?
[03:23] Mia
    Don't tell me you forgot the atrocity
    you committed when we first met!
[03:29] Mia
    I hate your guts!
[03:32] Mia
    I swear I'll castrate you!
[03:41] Akemitsu
    The "atrocity" I committed when we met?
[03:51] Akemitsu
    Um... What is this?
[03:56] Mia
    Hyakunin Isshu.
[03:59] Mia
    Long ago, a samurai killed one person
    to save the lives of a hundred people.
[04:06] Mia
    And Hyakunin Isshu is a contest
    to determine who that one will be!
[04:11] Mia
    It's the national sport of Japan!
[04:13] Akemitsu
    That's not the Japan I know!
[04:15] Kagura
    Okay, begin.
[04:21] Akemitsu
    She's serious.
[04:25] Mia
    Ready your blade.
[04:28] Mia
    The next one's cutting skin.
[04:30] Akemitsu
    This is bad. But I can't hurt Mia-san.
[04:35] Mia
    Prepare yourself, Akagami!
[04:40] Akemitsu
    Secret bare-handed sword-stopping technique!
SIGN    Total
    Amateur
[04:49] Kagura
    Oh?
[04:51] Kagura
    My, my.
[04:57] Akemitsu
    Her breasts... popped out?
[05:02] Mia
    Don't look!
[05:05] Akemitsu
    Namusan!
[05:09] Akemitsu
    I... got them?
[05:13] Akemitsu
    They're... magnificent!
[05:24] Akemitsu
    Mia-san!
[05:25] Kagura
    My, my.
[05:27] Kagura
    And that means Mia-san will be
    suffering through a penalty.
[05:33] Kagura
    Mia-san, you suck.
[05:35] Mia
    But... my sarashi...
[05:38] Kagura
    Now then, Akagami-san,
    how should she be punished?
[05:42] Akemitsu
    I have to decide?
[05:43] Kagura
    In that case, I'll decide for you.
SIGN    Collection
    of
    Penances
[05:47] Kagura
    Every one of the world's most unusual
    ascetic practices can be found in this book.
[05:51] Kagura
    You'll select a method from this rare
    collection of penances to complete.
[05:57] Akemitsu
    Collection of penances?
[06:00] Kagura
    This one is agonizing.
[06:02] Kagura
    It involves inserting objects into all your
    orifices and enduring all kinds of things.
[06:07] Mia
    A-All of them?
[06:09] Kagura
    Yes.
[06:10] Mia
    All kinds of things?
[06:12] Kagura
    Yes.
[06:13] Mia
    I'll do it!
[06:14] Akemitsu
    Don't do it!
[06:16] Mia
    I don't need your pity!
[06:17] Akemitsu
    Please calm down!
[06:19] Akemitsu
    There's actually something else I'd prefer.
[06:21] Mia
    What is it?
[06:24] Akemitsu
    What I want is...
[06:28] Akemitsu
    That.
SIGN    Collection
    of
    Penances
SIGN    Collection
    of
    Penances
[06:36] Akemitsu
    I want that.
[06:38] Mia
    You want that?!
SIGN    Boobs
[06:41] Mia
    So you really are here for sex!
[06:42] Akemitsu
    Don't worry! I'll be gentle!
[06:44] Mia
    Wha... But...
[06:46] Akemitsu
    Please! Just for one night!
[06:48] Mia
    B-But...
[06:49] Akemitsu
    There are so many things I want to try!
[06:52] Mia
    Try? Try what?!
[06:53] Akemitsu
    Just once. Please.
[06:56] Mia
    No freaking way!
[06:58] Mia
    You titty monster!
[07:00] Kagura
    My, my.
[07:06] Akemitsu
    Ultimately, I failed to reconcile with Mia-san.
[07:12] Akemitsu
    I really wanted that collection of penances.
SIGN    Collection
    of
    Penances
[07:21] Akemitsu
    It surely contains hints to
    achieving enlightenment.
[07:30] Mia
    I've come to settle things between us.
[07:32] Akemitsu
    Mia-san?
[07:35] Mia
    It's just for one night, okay?
[07:39] Mia
    Let's begin the penalty.
[07:42] Akemitsu
    Huh?
[07:43] Akemitsu
    What's going on here?
[07:46] Mia
    The way we left things,
    I felt like I was running away, so...
[07:52] Mia
    Here.
[07:54] Mia
    Do what you want.
[07:57] Mia
    Make it quick.
[07:59] Mia
    This is embarrassing for me, you know.
[08:04] Mia
    Isn't this what you wanted?
[08:10] Mia
    It's all right.
[08:12] Mia
    After all, this dream...
[08:17] Mia
    will only last for tonight.
[08:21] Akemitsu
    A dream? I see. So this is a dream.
[08:27] Akemitsu
    In that case,
[08:29] Akemitsu
    no one's watching, so...
[08:34] Akemitsu
    Kagura-san?
SIGN    Play along and go all night long!!
[08:36] Kagura
    Ta-da.
[08:36] Akemitsu
    Wait!
[08:37] Akemitsu
    This is real!
[08:40] Akemitsu
    Mia-san, why are you doing this?!
[08:42] Mia
    Why? I mean...
[08:44] Akemitsu
    The penalty... I see. I've figured it out.
[08:48] Akemitsu
    You mustn't do this!
[08:50] Mia
    Huh?
[08:51] Akemitsu
    I know you don't want to
    relinquish the collection of penances,
[08:54] Akemitsu
    but you shouldn't offer your chastity instead.
[08:56] Mia
    Huh?
[08:57] Akemitsu
    That book's value is unfathomable, but still...
[09:01] Mia
    What you wanted was... the book?
[09:04] Akemitsu
    Yes, of course! So I won't do
    anything you don't want!
[09:11] Kagura
    My, my. Looks like you
    failed to reconcile again.
[09:19] Mia
    Failure! Failure! My life's greatest failure!
[09:22] Mia
    I can't believe I got confused
    and humiliated myself like that!
[09:29] Mia
    What's a man doing at a nunnery, anyway?
[09:37] Mia
    I'll hide inside the storage shed and meditate.
[09:43] Akemitsu
    Hello.
[09:44] Mia
    He's in here?!
[09:45] Akemitsu
    Kagura-san told me to meet you here.
[09:47] Mia
    Damn it, Kagura!
[09:50] Akemitsu
    What are you doing here?
[09:52] Mia
    What does it matter?
[09:56] Mia
    What? No way!
[10:00] Mia
    It won't open.
[10:06] Akemitsu
    We can't get out through the window.
[10:09] Akemitsu
    We don't have our phones, and I doubt
    anyone outside would hear us shouting.
[10:16] Akemitsu
    We might be stuck in here
    together until morning.
[10:19] Mia
    Stay away from me, please.
[10:28] Akemitsu
    I found a blanket.
[10:31] Akemitsu
    It's cold.
[10:32] Mia
    I don't want to touch anything
    that's been touched by a man.
[10:35] Akemitsu
    Then I'll leave it here.
[10:39] Akemitsu
    That's an unusual desk.
[10:41] Akemitsu
    Mia-san, what is this?
[10:44] Mia
    Why do I have to answer your questions?
[10:50] Mia
    It's called a sutra transcription desk.
[10:52] Mia
    It's for displaying the heads of those
    who turn away from Buddha's teachings.
[10:56] Akemitsu
    Their heads?
[10:57] Mia
    That's what Kagura told me.
[11:00] Mia
    Your head will end up there eventually.
[11:03] Mia
    I can't believe you joined a temple
    when you don't even know that.
[11:10] Akemitsu
    Would you like the blanket after all?
[11:12] Mia
    I don't need it.
[11:13] Akemitsu
    It gets cold at night.
[11:15] Mia
    Stay away!
[11:16] Akemitsu
    What if you catch a cold?
[11:17] Mia
    Hey...
[11:18] Akemitsu
    Don't be so stubborn.
[11:20] Mia
    I told you not to...
[11:25] Mia
    If you get too close, you'll turn me on!
[11:30] Akemitsu
    Huh?
SIGN    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
[11:36] Akemitsu
    T-Turn you on?
[11:39] Mia
    Uh, no. That's not what I meant to say.
[11:44] Mia
    This... This wasn't supposed to happen...
[11:55] Mia
    What are you doing?
[11:57] Akemitsu
    You'll catch a chill.
[12:00] Mia
    Don't be so kind to me.
[12:13] Mia
    Could you forget what happened just now?
[12:19] Mia
    And what happened in your room, too.
[12:23] Akemitsu
    You want me to forget that?
[12:25] Akemitsu
    That would be very difficult.
[12:28] Mia
    I wish you'd said yes,
    even if you didn't mean it.
[12:32] Akemitsu
    I'm curious why you acted
    out of character earlier, too.
[12:39] Mia
    Out of character, huh?
[12:41] Akemitsu
    Is there some reason for it?
[12:43] Mia
    No. That's the real me.
[12:48] Mia
    Ever since I could remember, my true
    nature has clung to me like a curse.
[12:56] Mia
    It's the reason I came to Japan.
[12:58] Akemitsu
    The reason you came to Japan?
[13:02] Mia
    Yes.
[13:04] Mia
    I hope you'll forget about this, too,
[13:07] Mia
    but my family is known as an erotic family.
[13:17] Mia
    I come from a long and distinguished line.
[13:21] (Flashback) Mia Mom
    Listen, Mia. A woman of the Christoph family
    must always be surrounded by people.
[13:28] (Flashback) Young Mia
    Yes, Mother.
[13:30] (Flashback) Mia Mom
    By hot people, in particular.
[13:33] (Flashback) Hot Men
    Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Heave-ho!
[13:36] (Flashback) Young Mia
    You're so cool, Mother!
[13:39] (Flashback) Classmate A
    We're finally in grade school now, too.
[13:42] (Flashback) Classmate B
    I'm so excited.
[13:44] (Flashback) Classmate A
    Will we be able to make a hundred friends?
[13:47] (Flashback) Young Mia
    Will we, indeed...
[13:49] (Flashback) Classmate B
    Ms. Mia, are you anxious?
[13:51] (Flashback) Young Mia
    Yes.
[13:53] (Flashback) Young Mia
    I'm not sure that I'll be able to find
    a hundred lovers like my mother.
[13:59] Mia
    And so, I ended up alone and friendless.
[14:04] Mia
    By the time I realized something
    wasn't right, it was too late.
[14:08] Mia
    Everyone avoided me.
[14:15] (Flashback) Young Mia
    Maybe I could handle two boyfriends.
[14:17] (Flashback) Young Kagura
    How erotic.
[14:19] (Flashback) Young Mia
    What about picking up men?
[14:20] (Flashback) Young Kagura
    How erotic.
[14:22] (Flashback) Young Mia
    Pillow talk.
[14:24] (Flashback) Young Kagura
    How erotic.
[14:26] (Flashback) Young Mia
    It's hard being wholesome.
[14:30] (Flashback) Kagura
    Mia-san, did you know?
[14:32] (Flashback) Kagura
    Japanese Zen Buddhism is totally in right now.
[14:36] (Flashback) Mia
    Zen?
[14:37] (Flashback) Kagura
    I'm actually very interested in it myself.
SIGN    Mikazuki Temple
[14:42] Mia
    When Kagura told me about it,
    I realized this was it.
[14:46] Mia
    At a nunnery closed to men in Japan,
    where the Christoph family name is unknown,
[14:51] Mia
    I could become a new person.
[14:55] Mia
    But ever since you showed up,
    I've been in agony!
[14:58] Mia
    Nothing about my situation has changed!
[15:01] Mia
    But I shouldn't blame you.
[15:07] Mia
    Don't worry. I just need to move out.
[15:11] Mia
    What? Why are you crying?
[15:14] Akemitsu
    It's actually the same for me.
[15:17] Mia
    What?!
[15:19] Mia
    You, too?
[15:21] Akemitsu
    I had no idea someone else
    suffered from the same circumstances.
[15:24] Mia
    It's so hard, isn't it?
[15:27] Akemitsu
    It sure is!
[15:31] Mia
    What an incredible coincidence.
    No, this is fate.
[15:36] Mia
    With him, maybe I could...
[15:42] Mia
    I never learn.
[15:45] Mia
    I got turned on and got the wrong idea again.
[15:50] Mia
    I need to run away from Akagami
    and the Christoph family.
[15:55] Mia
    I just have to keep running.
[15:58] Akemitsu
    Let's fight it together, Mia-san!
[16:02] Akemitsu
    I feel so encouraged to have an ally!
[16:05] Akemitsu
    Let's pursue the path of
    enlightenment together!
[16:10] Mia
    I'd probably just interfere with your training.
[16:12] Akemitsu
    That's fine with me.
[16:16] Mia
    You're actually just interested
    in my body, aren't you?
[16:21] Akemitsu
    Yes!
[16:23] Akemitsu
    I mean, no. Strictly as a training partner.
[16:26] Mia
    You won't be repulsed if I get turned on again?
[16:28] Akemitsu
    In that regard, we're in the same boat.
[16:31] Mia
    You're right. I won't reject you either.
[16:34] Akemitsu
    Then let's do this.
[16:35] Mia
    Yeah!
[16:49] Kagura
    Slam!
[16:51] Kagura
    I'm here.
[16:53] Mia
    How long were you out there?
[16:55] Kagura
    The whole time.
[16:56] Mia
    You should've helped us!
[16:57] Kagura
    Now, now. Since you seem to have
    settled your differences,
[17:01] Kagura
    why don't we perform penance all night long?
SIGN    Collection
    of
    Penances
[17:07] Mia
    Let's do it!
[17:08] Akemitsu
    As long as I have an ally, I fear no penance!
[17:12] Mia
    Let's do this!
[17:13] Akemitsu And Mia
    Hip hip hooray!
[17:31] Yuzuki
    Kagura? What are you...
[17:33] Mia
    Akagami, deeper.
[17:36] Akemitsu
    Here it comes, Mia-san.
[17:40] Kagura
    Oh, they're just performing some penance.
[17:44] Kagura
    There.
[17:48] Mia
    Get your hand deeper in there.
[17:50] Akemitsu
    Yes, Mia-san.
[17:52] Akemitsu
    Mia-san, I'm bumping into something.
[17:55] Mia
    Stick it out, Akagami.
[17:57] Akemitsu
    Oh, Yuzuki-san.
[17:58] Mia
    Huh?
[18:00] Yuzuki
    What is this?
[18:02] Kagura
    Ta-da.
[18:03] Kagura
    They've been grappling together all night long.
[18:08] Yuzuki
    All night long?
[18:21] Yuzuki
    Hey!
SIGN    Repenting
SIGN    Repenting
[18:31] Kiki
    Did something happen?
[18:33] Tsukuyo
    I dunno. Are you mad?
[18:36] Yuzuki
    Not at all.
[18:39] Kiki
    By the way, Yuzuki.
[18:40] Yuzuki
    Yes?
[18:41] Kiki
    You seem rather relaxed, but wasn't your
    matchmaking meeting postponed to today?
[18:48] Kiki
    This temple's future depends on it, right?
[18:53] Akemitsu
    What?
[18:54] Yuzuki
    I'm going to be late!
SIGN    Mikazuki
    Temple
[18:57] Akemitsu
    Where's the meeting?
[18:58] Yuzuki
    At Ryukoku Temple.
[19:00] Akemitsu
    Will you make it in time?
[19:01] Yuzuki
    Barely, if I make it onto the next bus.
[19:03] Akemitsu
    Then let's hurry.
[19:08] Yuzuki
    The problem is my kimono.
    I'll have to get dressed on the road.
[19:11] Akemitsu
    I once had a job helping people put on kimonos.
[19:13] Yuzuki
    You used to do that, too?
[19:15] Akemitsu
    Should you let him know you'll be late?
[19:18] Yuzuki
    No! I really can't afford to make any mistakes!
[19:22] Akemitsu
    What do you mean?
[19:24] Yuzuki
    We're actually supposed to move out
    of the temple as soon as possible.
[19:29] Akemitsu
    What?
[19:31] Yuzuki
    Neither of my parents live at the temple.
[19:34] Yuzuki
    Without a head priest, a family
    has no right to reside at a temple.
[19:39] Yuzuki
    Right now, Kiki-san's around to help,
    but she can't stay forever.
[19:45] Yuzuki
    I was told the temple would be closed
    once I graduated from high school.
[19:51] Yuzuki
    But if my matchmaking meeting goes well
    and a new head priest moves in...
[19:56] Akemitsu
    You'd enter a marriage you don't want
    just to keep the temple open?
[20:01] Yuzuki
    It was my decision.
[20:04] Yuzuki
    I won't allow the temple to close!
[20:08] Akemitsu
    I promise you'll make it in time!
SIGN    Bus Stop
[20:13] Yuzuki
    We're too late.
[20:16] Yuzuki
    And it's too far to run...
[20:18] Akemitsu
    Yuzuki-san!
[20:20] Akemitsu
    I got someone to lend me a scooter!
[20:22] Yuzuki
    How?!
[20:23] Akemitsu
    Hold on tight!
[20:25] Yuzuki
    Are you sure about this?
[20:27] Akemitsu
    I memorized all the shortcuts
    when I worked as a deliveryman.
[20:31] Yuzuki
    Akagami-kun, seriously, who are you?
[20:39] Yuzuki
    We're out of gas...
[20:43] Yuzuki
    Is that the bus?
SIGN    Bus
[20:45] Akemitsu
    Really?!
SIGN    Black Bus
    Transport
    Company
[20:53] Yuzuki
    What kind of idiot mistakes a truck for a bus?
[20:58] Kurage
    Yuzuki-oneechan is a dumb perv.
[21:01] Akemitsu
    Imaginary Third Daughter, stop.
[21:02] Kurage
    She's useless and horny.
[21:03] Kurage
    Stupid, useless, and horny.
[21:06] Akemitsu
    Who cares if she's horny? Stop it.
[21:10] Yuzuki
    I'm sorry, Akagami-kun.
    Your efforts were wasted.
[21:16] Yuzuki
    Maybe it's impossible for me
    to keep the temple open.
[21:23] Akemitsu
    Yuzuki-san...
[21:29] Akemitsu
    This is an opportunity for you to get changed.
[21:32] Yuzuki
    Huh?
[21:33] Akemitsu
    You'll get changed now, and we'll exit
    when we hit the next red light!
[21:37] Yuzuki
    But...
[21:38] Akemitsu
    We'll borrow this truck once we're out.
[21:40] Akemitsu
    I have truck-driving experience, too.
[21:44] Yuzuki
    Borrow it? How?
[21:46] Akemitsu
    We'll offer them money.
[21:48] Yuzuki
    You're already in debt, you know!
[21:52] Akemitsu
    I've got nothing to lose.
[21:53] Yuzuki
    Isn't that exactly the problem?
[22:04] Yuzuki
    Fine.
[22:05] Yuzuki
    All right! Let's get changed
    and break down that door!
[22:10] Akemitsu
    Got it!
SIGN    Matchmaking Meeting
    in 30 Minutes
[22:12] Yuzuki
    No matter what happens...
[22:13] Akemitsu And Yuzuki
    We won't give up!
[23:45] Tsukuyo
    This is bad.
SIGN    Next Time
    
    Go Ahead and Take a Shower
[23:46] Mia
    What's the problem?
[23:47] Tsukuyo
    Yuzu-nee is... She's in Ada...
[23:50] Mia
    Adachi?
[23:51] Tsukuyo
    No! She's at a lo... love...
[23:55] Mia
    Love hotel!
[23:56] Tsukuyo
    Correct! I mean, wait! It's a huge problem!