E1 - Head Priest

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:08] Tria
    Please hurry!
[00:09] Lumachina
    R-Right!
[00:21] Tria
    We've been ambushed?!
[00:29] Tria
    Get back!
[00:32] Luchina
    Tri—
[00:39] Luchina
    Tria!
SIGN    My, my.
SIGN    Is our little game of tag over already,
SIGN    Lumachina-sama?
[00:56] Lumachina
    God!
[00:59] Lumachina
    Please, God,
[01:00] Lumachina
    there is someone who cannot hear your voice.
[01:03] Lumachina
    Please demonstrate your
    power here in this land,
[01:06] Lumachina
    and show us the way with your guiding light.
SIGN    Oh? You're praying in a moment like this?
SIGN    For divine punishment to eliminate little old me?
[01:15] Lumachina
    Like the flowers blooming in the fields,
[01:18] Lumachina
    and like the fish swimming in the river...
SIGN    What pretty skin you have.
SIGN    It makes me jealous!
SIGN    Get her, Beast Mushroom!
SIGN    A holy maiden's purity is about to be tarnished by my Summon.
SIGN    How exciting!
[01:53] Lumachi
    Stop...
[01:56] Lumachina
    S-Stop!
[01:58] Lumachina
    No!
[02:00] Lumachina
    God...
[02:04] Lumachina
    G-God!
SIGN    What is this?!
[02:27] Lumachina
    God!
SIGN    Episode 1 "Head Priest"
[04:02] Shera
    This place feels so nice!
[04:05] Rem
    I agree.
[04:06] Rem
    Though it's rare for us to
    share the same opinion.
[04:11] Shera
    Uh-huh!
[04:12] Shera
    Makes you want to sunbathe naked, doesn't it?
[04:15] Rem
    N-Na... Naked?!
[04:17] Shera
    I'm sure it would feel great!
[04:19] Rem
    I-I'd never do that, you perverted elf!
[04:22] Shera
    Huh?
[04:23] Shera
    But there's no point in sunbathing
    with your clothes on!
[04:26] Rem
    Your idea of stripping outdoors
    is indecent to begin with.
[04:30] Shera
    But it's not embarrassing
    when you're sunbathing!
[04:33] Rem
    Naked is still naked!
[04:34] Rem
    It's out of the question!
[04:35] Shera
    Aw, it's fine!
[04:35] Diablo
    Yeah, it's another peaceful day.
[04:38] Diablo
    Rem and Shera summoned me
    into this game, Cross Reverie*...
[04:43] DaibloFlash
    How am I supposed to talk to girls?!
[04:47] DiabloFlash
    Right, I'll just act like I'm*
    role-playing as Demon Lord Diablo!
[04:52] Diablo
    And after that, I kept
    acting like a Demon Lord.
[04:56] Diablo
    I fought the elite soldiers
    of the Kingdom of Greenwood
[04:59] Diablo
    who came to take Shera back,
[05:01] Diablo
    and then I fought the Fallen, too.
[05:03] Diablo
    After reviving the Demon Lord Krebskulm,
    who was sealed within Rem,
[05:07] Diablo
    I forced her to submit to me.
[05:11] Diablo
    Honestly, a lot has happened,
[05:13] Diablo
    but living in this world as the
    Demon Lord Diablo isn't so bad.
[05:18] Shera
    Diablo!
[05:19] Shera
    What do you think?
[05:21] Shera
    It's weird to wear clothes
    while sunbathing, right?
[05:24] Shera
    Right? Right?
[05:26] Diablo
    I feel two soft, plump
    sensations against my arm!
[05:30] Rem
    Please say something to her, Diablo.
[05:33] Rem
    Stripping while outside is too reckless!
[05:37] Diablo
    And over here, there are flat,
    slightly stiff sensations!
[05:42] Diablo
    Ahem!
[05:44] Diablo
    We did not come here to relax and sunbathe.
[05:48] Diablo
    We're here to test a new spell.
[05:51] Shera
    A new spell?
[05:54] Diablo
    Flight magic.
[05:56] Both
    Flight magic?
[05:59] Diablo
    I will cast the spell on
    this and attempt to ride it.
[06:01] Diablo
    Stand back and watch.
[06:03] Diablo
    Change your position as my will demands!
[06:11] Diablo
    Adzet!
[06:18] Shera
    It's floating!
[06:20] Shera
    Incredible! It's incredible!
[06:22] Shera
    Incredible, incredible, incredible!
[06:24] Rem
    I can't believe there's magic like this.
[06:26] Diablo
    This is to be expected!
[06:32] Diablo
    After all, I am Diablo,
[06:34] Diablo
    the Demon Lord from another world!
[06:36] Diablo
    Thank God that worked!
[06:38] Diablo
    All right, now to raise it a little.
[06:41] Shera
    Diablo!
[06:44] Diablo
    Hey, it's working pretty well!
[06:46] Diablo
    Whoa...
[06:47] Diablo
    It's pretty wobbly.
[06:49] Diablo
    In the game, there was equipment
    that let you fly through the sky, too.
[06:53] Diablo
    There should be some in
    the dungeon that I created.
[06:57] Diablo
    Is that magic power?
[07:01] Shera
    What's that light?
[07:02] Shera
    It's incredible magic power!
[07:05] Rem
    Huh?
[07:06] Rem
    Where?
[07:10] Diablo
    I've never sensed magic
    power like this before.
[07:15] Diablo
    The effect wore off? Already?!
[07:28] Diablo
    I'm safe...
[07:29] Diablo
    Huh? Did I land on something?
[07:37] Lumachina
    God...
[07:38] Diablo
    Huh?!
[07:41] Diablo
    W-W-W-W-Was she sunbathing?!
[07:45] Lumachina
    A-Are you... God?
[07:50] Diablo
    God?
SIGN    My Beast Mushroom!
SIGN    Who do you think you are, falling out of nowhere?!
[07:58] Diablo
    A Paladin?
SIGN    Look what you've done to my Mushroom.
SIGN    That was my only one, too!
SIGN    My Mushroom!
[08:07] Diablo
    I don't give a damn about your mushroom!
[08:09] Diablo
    I am the—
[08:10] Lumachina
    God!
[08:13] Lumachina
    You've finally appeared before me!
[08:18] Lumachina
    I've only ever heard your voice,
[08:20] Lumachina
    and I felt lonely, never being able to see you!
[08:24] Lumachina
    I am Lumachina Weselia,
[08:26] Lumachina
    and I have always offered you my prayers.
[08:29] Diablo
    And I've been able to see them this whole time!
[08:33] Diablo
    Shouldn't you put on some clothes first?
[08:36] Lumachina
    Huh?
[08:47] Lumachina
    H-How could I stand before God like that?
[08:52] Diablo
    U-Use this.
[08:55] Lumachina
    Oh, thank you so much!
[08:58] Lumachina
    For God to lend me clothing...
[09:01] Lumachina
    I'm just too blessed.
[09:04] Diablo
    She's not naked in an apron,
    but naked in a cape.
[09:08] Diablo
    Hot!
[09:09] Diablo
    Wait, by "God," does she mean...
SIGN    He's no God!
SIGN    He's just a dirty Demon!
[09:18] Diablo
    You're wrong! I am—
[09:19] Lumachina
    He's God!
[09:21] Lumachina
    I can tell!
[09:23] Lumachina
    My prayers reached Heaven!
[09:27] Diablo
    Lately, I've had this vague feeling that women
    just never really listen to other people.
[09:34] Diablo
    Prayers, you say?
[09:37] Diablo
    What's with all this magic power?
[09:41] Lumachina
    Please be careful, God.
[09:44] Lumachina
    This man is a sinner unworthy
    of being your believer,
[09:48] Lumachina
    but his power is held in high esteem.
[09:50] Diablo
    Hey, listen, I'm not "God," I'm—
[09:53] Lumachina
    You're God!
[09:54] Diablo
    No, I'm—
[09:54] Lumachina
    You're God!
SIGN    Whatever! Playtime's over!
SIGN    I'll kill you both together!
[09:59] Diablo
    It would seem this Lumachina
    has strong faith in God.
[10:04] Diablo
    So why would an agent of the Church,
[10:06] Diablo
    a Paladin like you, be after her life?
SIGN    Hmph! There's no way I would know what the Church is thinking.
SIGN    I'm killing her because Vishos ordered me to do so.
[10:17] Lumachina
    Vishos?
[10:19] Diablo
    I see. So that's the type you are.
[10:21] Diablo
    No better than a mercenary.
SIGN    I'm nothing like them!
SIGN    I am far more expensive! Very expensive!
SIGN    Come now, my dear Hunter Worm!
[10:37] Diablo
    Hmm, a Level 60 Hunter Worm.
[10:41] Diablo
    I suppose that's fitting for a Paladin.
[10:43] Diablo
    It's on quite a different level than
    the adventurers in Faltra City.
[10:49] Diablo
    However!
[10:50] Diablo
    It's no match for m—
[10:57] Diablo
    A Level 80 Trap Worm!
[10:59] Diablo
    Now that makes this
[11:03] Diablo
    a better challenge!
[11:11] Diablo
    Rip them apart!
[11:13] Diablo
    Aero Shredder!
SIGN    Elemental Magic's highest-ranking Wind spell?!
[11:32] Diablo
    Despite being mere scum,
    you commanded simultaneous Summons,
[11:35] Diablo
    and you know a good deal
    about Elemental Magic.
[11:38] Diablo
    I assumed your kind found
    it too weak to bother with.
SIGN    It's different when mastered.
SIGN    Elemental Magic excels when it comes to the force of a single blow.
[11:53] Diablo
    You're well-educated, I see.
SIGN    Even so, Demon,
SIGN    how many times can you fire your ultimate spell?!
[12:01] Diablo
    Hmph.
[12:02] Diablo
    I can easily fire off a hundred
    paltry Aero Shredders.
SIGN    Don't lie to me!
[12:15] Diablo
    Don't measure me by your own standards,
[12:20] Diablo
    you novice!
[12:23] Diablo
    Cross Blizzard!
SIGN    What are you?!
[12:53] Diablo
    Oh, no!
[12:53] Diablo
    I used a cold spell when there's
    a half-naked girl here!
[12:57] Lumachina
    God...
[13:01] Diablo
    Hey, are you okay?
[13:03] Lumachina
    Y-Yes, God.
[13:06] Lumachina
    Thank you for saving me.
[13:08] Diablo
    Now, wait. Let me be clear.
[13:11] Diablo
    I'm no God. I'm—
[13:14] Diablo
    Wha... Hey!
[13:17] Rem
    Diablo!
[13:19] Shera
    Diablo!
[13:31] Diablo
    Th-This isn't...
[13:33] Shera
    Did you assault that woman, too?
[13:36] Diablo
    O-Of course I didn't!
[13:38] Rem
    Is that the truth?
[13:40] Shera
    Is it?
[13:42] Diablo
    Hey, why the suspicious looks?!
[13:45] Diablo
    At any rate, let's hurry back to the city.
[13:49] Shera
    Wait up!
[14:02] Rem
    Looks like you'll be okay now.
[14:03] Shera
    I'm so glad, Lumachina-chan.
[14:06] Lumachina
    Yes, thank you so much.
[14:08] Lumachina
    So, um... Rem-san and Shera-san,
[14:11] Lumachina
    what kind of relationship
    do you two have with God?
[14:16] Rem
    By "God," do you mean Diablo?
[14:19] Shera
    Well, I suppose Diablo would be our... owner?
[14:24] Lumachina
    Are those slave collars?
[14:26] Lumachina
    Wait, then... God owns slaves?
[14:28] Shera
    Not quite.
[14:29] Shera
    These are Enslavement Collars.
[14:31] Lumachina
    Enslavement?
[14:33] Shera
    See, when we summoned a Demon Lord at
    Starfall Tower, his Magic Reflection...
[14:39] Rem
    Diablo is the leader of our adventuring party.
[14:43] Lumachina
    Adventuring?
[14:44] Lumachina
    But the one who saved me must be God.
[14:47] Lumachina
    I need him to be.
[14:50] Rem
    Why is that?
[14:52] Lumachina
    Because...
[14:55] Lumachina
    He saw my bare skin.
[14:59] Rem
    So?
[15:00] Shera
    But you're okay with letting us see it, right?
[15:05] Shera
    Ow!
[15:07] Shera
    What'd you do that for?!
[15:09] Lumachina
    Only...
[15:11] Lumachina
    Only the man who would be my
    husband may see my bare skin.
[15:15] Lumachina
    So if this Diablo is not God,
[15:19] Lumachina
    then we must be wed!
[15:26] Diablo
    Listen, Klem.
[15:28] Diablo
    Until we know who she is,
     don't leave this room.
[15:31] Klem
    I understand.
[15:33] Klem
    I'll stay here eating biscuits!
[15:35] Edelgard
    I shall remain with the Demon Lord here.
[15:40] Diablo
    Good.
[15:41] Both
    Huh?!
[15:43] Diablo
    Wh-What the?!
[15:46] Rem
    Don't go getting full of yourself,
     you naked-in-a-cape woman!
[15:49] Shera
    Th-That's right!
[15:51] Shera
    You have to respect the pecking order!
[15:52] Shera
    I'm first!
[15:55] Lumachina
    Wh-What do you mean?
[15:58] Diablo
    What's all the commotion?
[16:00] Lumachina
    Oh, God.
[16:02] Lumachina
    You are God, aren't you?
[16:06] Diablo
    It would be bad to declare myself a
    Demon Lord to someone from the Church.
[16:10] Diablo
    But I can't have her calling me God...
[16:17] Diablo
    For reasons, I must keep my
    true identity hidden here!
[16:21] Diablo
    You must understand!
[16:25] Diablo
    Huh?
[16:25] Lumachina
    I understand.
[16:29] Lumachina
    Then please allow me to call
    you Diablo-sama from now on.
[16:33] Diablo
    Well, this should be okay.
[16:35] Diablo
    Lumachina, who are you?
[16:38] Diablo
    You do not appear to be one
    of the Demon Lord worshipers.
[16:43] Lumachina
    I am simply a human in service to God,
[16:51] Lumachina
    but at the Church, I am called Head Priest.
[16:56] Rem
    Head Priest?!
[16:57] Shera
    What?! Isn't that the most
    important person in the Church?!
[17:01] Diablo
    F-For real?!
[17:03] Diablo
    Now I see why she would believe
    God had appeared before her.
[17:08] Rem
    But Lumachina,
[17:11] Rem
    why would the highest-ranking
     member of the Church
[17:13] Rem
    be targeted by a Paladin?
[17:15] Lumachina
    The Church has people called Cardinals,
[17:19] Lumachina
    and they are the ones who run the Church.
[17:21] Lumachina
    Apparently, one of those Cardinals
    has decided to eliminate me.
[17:25] Lumachina
    What's worse,
[17:27] Lumachina
    many of the Paladins, the absolute
    military might of the Church,
[17:30] Lumachina
    follow Vishos, the Head Cardinal.
[17:34] Diablo
    And why do the Cardinals want to kill you?
[17:38] Lumachina
    Hmm...
[17:39] Lumachina
    Maybe because I questioned them about
    the flow of illegal goods and money?
[17:43] Lumachina
    Or because I ordered an investigation
    into the unjust conduct of our Paladins?
[17:48] Lumachina
    Or maybe...
[17:49] Diablo
    I get it. She values her
    morals more than her life.
[17:53] Diablo
    As a result, she actually came close to death.
[17:56] Diablo
    She's an idiot.
[17:58] Diablo
    But I kind of like her.
[18:01] Rem
    So where were you trying to go?
[18:05] Lumachina
    I left the royal capital on a journey,
    planning to pass through this city
[18:08] Lumachina
    to reach the old Demon Lord's domain
[18:10] Lumachina
    so I could find the Head Paladin, Batutta,
    who was dispatched to that region,
[18:14] Lumachina
    and explain the current
    state of the Church to him.
[18:19] Rem
    The Head Paladin, Batutta...
[18:22] Rem
    I've heard he's a powerful man who
    experienced the Human-Fallen War,
[18:25] Rem
    and quite a noble person.
[18:28] Lumachina
    I've heard that, too.
[18:30] Lumachina
    I believe he's someone I can trust.
[18:32] Lumachina
    Once he learns what's going on,
    I'm sure he'll take action.
[18:36] Lumachina
    And I believe he'll protect me, too.
[18:41] Lumachina
    The Paladin Tria told me so.
[18:45] Rem
    Is that someone you can trust?
[18:49] Lumachina
    If she hadn't risked her life to
    save me, then right now, I'd be...
[18:54] Rem
    I see.
[18:55] Rem
    So what do you plan to do now?
[18:58] Rem
    Once they learn their assassination failed,
     they'll come after you again.
[19:03] Lumachina
    Even if it means putting myself in danger,
[19:07] Lumachina
    I will head to the border city
    of Zircon Tower to meet Batutta.
[19:11] Diablo
    Zircon Tower, huh?
[19:13] Diablo
    If I recall, that's where
    my dungeon's located, too.
[19:15] Rem
    You'd go that far...
[19:16] Shera
    ...to stop injustice.
[19:19] Shera
    Lumachina-chan!
[19:20] Shera
    You can rest easy now,
[19:22] Shera
    because we'll make sure to protect you!
[19:24] Rem
    There you go again on your own...
[19:26] Rem
    But we can't just leave her alone.
[19:29] Rem
    What do you say to us
    escorting Lumachina there?
[19:34] Shera
    Yeah! I agree!
[19:36] Lumachina
    Th-That would be a great help,
     but it'll be dangerous.
[19:40] Rem
    We're adventurers.
[19:42] Rem
    We couldn't get anything
    done if we avoided danger.
[19:44] Shera
    You saw how strong Diablo is, didn't you?
[19:49] Lumachina
    Y-Yes.
[19:50] Lumachina
    I did indeed see God's—
[19:52] Lumachina
    Uh, I mean... It would be foolish to
    worry about Diablo-sama's safety.
[19:58] Rem
    So how about it?
[20:00] Shera
    Come on, Diablo.
[20:02] Diablo
    I do feel like Lumachina's
    sense of justice is noble,
[20:05] Diablo
    and I can sympathize with her circumstances.
[20:07] Diablo
    But I do want to avoid a
    confrontation with the Church,
[20:10] Diablo
    since they hold overwhelming
    power in this nation.
[20:13] Diablo
    There's no merit to it.
[20:14] Diablo
    But...
[20:16] Diablo
    If it's just escorting her to Zircon Tower,
[20:19] Diablo
    then it wouldn't mean going up
    against the Church... right?
[20:27] Diablo
    Do you seek power?
[20:29] Diablo
    Then I, Diablo, shall lend you my power!
[20:36] Lumachina
    Thank you so much, Go—
[20:38] Lumachina
    No, Diablo-sama.
[20:40] Klem
    I'm out of biscuits!
[20:42] Klem
    Your Demon Lord demands more!
[20:46] Klem
    More biscuits!
[20:48] Lumachina
    Wh-Who is this?
[20:50] Lumachina
    What is this dark, sinister magic
    energy emanating from their bodies?
[20:56] Klem
    What is this human?!
[20:59] Klem
    She smells like them!
[21:01] Edelgard
    It's an unpleasant smell.
[21:04] Klem
    Yeah, she smells like God!
[21:08] Diablo
    Figures they could tell.
[21:10] Diablo
    Wait, that's bad!
[21:11] Diablo
    At this rate, they'll fight!
[21:20] Diablo
    Surely you don't believe you can
    try to fight before my eyes?
[21:25] Diablo
    "Dark magic energy"?
[21:26] Diablo
    "Smells like God"?
[21:28] Diablo
    Is that reason enough to cause a
    commotion at the risk of my ire?
[21:32] Lumachina
    My apologies.
[21:35] Klem
    Hmph! She'll make my biscuits taste bad.
[21:38] Klem
    Stay away from this Demon Lord!
[21:41] Diablo
    They couldn't be less compatible.
[21:44] Diablo
    Ultimately we decided to
    leave the Demon Lord, Klem,
[21:47] Diablo
    and the Fallen, Edelgard, behind in Faltra.
[21:51] Diablo
    And while we were away...
[21:53] Mei
    Okay!
[21:55] Mei
    I'll take good care of them!
[21:58] Mei
    Rest assured, nya!
[21:59] Diablo
    We left them in the care of
    the inn's poster girl, Mei...
[22:03] Sylvie
    Got it. Leave it to me.
[22:06] Diablo
    I can't go into more detail, but...
[22:08] Sylvie
    I won't ask.
[22:09] Sylvie
    You've done a lot for us, Diablo-san.
[22:12] Sylvie
    Oh, I'll be looking forward to a souvenir!
[22:13] Diablo
    ...the Guildmaster of the
    Adventurer's Guild, Sylvie...
[22:17] Celes
    I'll be sure to keep both of them safe.
[22:20] Diablo
    ...the head of the Mage's Association, Celestine...
[22:23] Emile
    I'm Emile Bichelberger, and I'll
    protect beautiful women with my life!
[22:31] Diablo
    ...and our friend, the Warrior, Emile.
[22:31] Emile
    I will, as Emile Bichelberger!
[22:33] Emile
    Emile Bichelberger!
[22:35] Diablo
    Then we set out from Faltra.
[22:39] Shera
    Klem-chan!
[22:41] Shera
    We're heading out on a job, okay?
[22:45] Klem
    I'll be fine!
[22:47] Klem
    To be honest,
[22:48] Klem
    you tend to wander, so I'm
    more worried about you!
[22:51] Klem
    Let me grant you a token of my power.
[22:55] Shera
    Huh? What?
[23:01] Diablo
    Wh-What?!
[23:03] Diablo
    Shera's Rare-grade bow
[23:05] Diablo
    turned into a Super Super Rare ebony bow?!
[23:11] Shera
    It turned into something that looks strong!
[23:14] Klem
    That should do.
[23:17] Shera
    Y-Yeah.
[23:18] Shera
    It does kind of look cursed now,
[23:21] Shera
    but thank you, Klem-chan.
[23:22] Diablo
    The Demon Lord Krebskulm...
[23:24] Diablo
    She really is cheating hard.
[23:24] Klem
    Be grateful!
[23:26] Klem
    This is the power of a Demon Lord!
[23:32] Diablo
    Now...
[23:33] Diablo
    Rem.
[23:34] Diablo
    Shera.
[23:36] Diablo
    Lumachina.
[23:38] Diablo
    Let's go!
[23:40] Diablo
    To Zircon Tower!
[23:41] All
    Yes!
[23:56] Horn
    Are you interested in
    challenging a new dungeon?
SIGN    Next Time "Head Paladin"
[23:58] Diablo
    Arrow of void, drive a stake into the
    boundary between Heaven and Earth!
[24:01] Diablo
    Gravity Abyss!
[24:03] Shera
    This one's really big and hard, too!
SIGN    Don't Miss the Next Episode!
SIGN    Illustration: Mizoguchi Keji