6 - Satania's Counterattack

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Satania
    Gabriel got me good again!
[00:06] Satania
    How the devil didn't it work?!
[00:08] Satania
    My plan was totally foolproof!
[00:21] Satania narr
    Oh, the genius of my infernal plan.
[00:23] Satania narr
    Gabriel will don those
    massage slippers, and...
[00:29] Satania narr
    There can only be one outcome!
[00:42] (Flashback) Satania
    Huh?!
[00:46] (Flashback) Satania
    Hold it!
[00:49] (Flashback) Satania
    Why are you wearing those like it's normal?
[00:51] (Flashback) Satania
    It's so obviously not!
SIGN    Rumble
[00:52] (Flashback) Gab
    So it was you.
[00:56] Satania
    And then she got mad at me!
[00:58] Satania
    How in Hell do I beat her?!
[01:01] TV
    Good evening, all you demons out there!
[01:04] [SONG] Text
    Hell Shopping Network
[01:04] TV
    Welcome to the Hell Shopping Network.
[01:06] TV
    Today we've got some special items
[01:09] TV
    sure to make any angel cry uncle!
[01:13] Satania
    Speak of the devil!
[01:14] TV
    First up today, we've got...
[01:17] TV
    a .44 caliber magnum revolver,
[01:20] TV
    the Devil Python!
[01:22] Satania
    S-So cool...
SIGN    Episode 6 Satania's Counterattack
[03:00] Vigne
    Don't you think it's a little early
    to play with weapons?
[03:04] Satania
    Are you in shock and awe?
[03:06] Satania
    I bought this dirty baby
    from the Hell Shopping Network.
[03:09] Satania
    It's a .44 caliber magnum revolver.
[03:12] Satania
    The Devil Python!
[03:15] Vigne
    Raphi, shouldn't you be next door?
    Homeroom's about to start.
[03:19] Raphi
    Wherever Satania-san is,
    so too shall I appear.
[03:23] Vigne
    Don't.
[03:25] Raphi
    By the way, what is the
    Hell Shopping Network?
[03:27] Vigne
    It's a Hell TV program that sells
    too-good-to-be-true junk.
[03:30] Satania
    This magnum revolver was developed
    by Hell's very own Devil Corp.
[03:35] Satania
    With first-class ergonomic
    and aerodynamic design.
[03:37] Gab
    Reading straight from the manual?
[03:39] Satania
    Well?
[03:40] Vigne
    Well, what?
[03:42] Satania
    Well, isn't it totally hella cool? Duh!
[03:45] Vigne
    What a pain.
[03:46] Raphi
    Satania-san, that isn't loaded, is it?
[03:50] Satania
    You bet it is.
    And with special ammunition.
[03:53] Raphi
    Special?
[03:55] Satania
    Get a load of terror from this.
[03:57] Satania
    Anyone shot by this baby...
[04:00] Satania
    will be unable to stop laughing
    for ten minutes straight!
[04:07] Raphi
    Satania-san...
[04:10] Raphi
    You look so cool.
[04:14] Vigne narr
    Sh-She lied!
[04:15] Raphi
    You've descended to the throne
    of Hell's King of Hard-Boiled.
[04:19] Raphi
    That may really be God's honest truth.
[04:21] Satania
    Yes, sing my praises!
[04:23] Vigne narr
    She fell for it?!
[04:29] Satania
    Now, say your prayers, Gabriel!
[04:32] Satania
    It just goes to show
    that you reap what you sow!
[04:36] Satania
    Well, knowing you,
[04:37] Satania
    you won't surrender
    until you're shot to Hell.
[04:40] Gab
    You win.
[04:41] Satania
    Huh?!
[04:42] Gab
    I surrender.
[04:43] Gab
    What the heck can I do against a gun?
[04:46] Gab
    You win this time, Satania.
[04:48] Satania
    Huh?
[04:50] Satania
    Sorry, come again?
[04:52] Gab
    I said, I surrender. You win.
[05:00] Satania narr
    Gabriel finally admitted defeat to me!
[05:03] Satania narr
    No, stop. I'm hard-boiled.
    That means no victory dance.
[05:06] Satania narr
    Poker face. Poker face.
[05:09] Satania
    T-Too bad it's too late
    to change the highway you're on!
[05:13] Gab
    What's with your face?
[05:15] Satania
    You may admit your defeat,
[05:16] Satania
    but you still have hell to pay
    for all you've done to me.
[05:19] Gab
    I'm prepared for the worst.
[05:22] Satania
    Putting on a strong face?
[05:24] Satania
    Well, apparently, it's painless.
    Count yourself lucky.
[05:27] Satania
    Act your contrition
    through your explosive laughter!
[05:33] Gab
    Time out.
[05:35] Satania
    Wh-What?
[05:36] Gab
    You said it's "apparently" painless.
[05:39] Gab
    You haven't tested it yet?
[05:41] Satania
    Well, no...
[05:43] Gab
    Lemme see it a sec.
[05:44] Gab
    It'd be totally lame if it doesn't work.
[05:46] Satania
    Yeah, but—
[05:47] Gab
    C'mon, clock's ticking.
[05:48] Satania
    O-Okay...
[05:55] Vigne
    No mercy!
[05:59] Vigne
    Now, what did I tell you?
[06:01] Vigne
    Are you okay?
[06:13] Satania
    Wait— Gabriel—
[06:17] Gab
    Lucky you, Satania.
    Looks like it really does work.
[06:21] Satania
    Curse you...
[06:59] Satania
    Gabriel!
[07:01] Satania
    This isn't the time for video games!
[07:03] Sataia
    Fight me!
[07:05] Satania
    If you don't stop me now,
    the world will be
[07:08] Satania
    steeped long into chaos
    by my devilish actions.
[07:17] Satania
    Perhaps I'll begin by turning
    off your game console!
[07:20] Gab
    Try me. I'll turn your body into blood.
[07:23] Gab
    You always want to fight.
[07:25] Gab
    Why do I have to fight you?
[07:27] Satania
    To make it clear who's the superior demon!
[07:30] Gab
    Yeah, uh, I'm not a demon.
[07:32] Satania
    Just fight me!
    We'll settle this once and for all!
[07:36] Gab
    Too much work. Get lost.
[07:38] Satania
    No way! I'm not leaving until you fight me!
[07:40] Gab
    Shut up.
[07:42] Raphi
    It appears that I'm needed!
[07:47] Satania
    How'd you just appear there?!
[07:49] Raphi
    Wherever Satania-san is,
    so too shall I appear.
[07:53] Satania
    Don't.
[07:54] Gab
    Why do you freaks have to
    appear at my place?
[07:57] Raphi
    You've challenged Gab-chan
    to a contest, yes?
[08:00] Satania
    Well, yeah...
[08:01] Raphi
    I would like to oversee
    your match as referee.
[08:06] Satania
    Hell no! You're just gonna get in the way!
[08:08] Raphi
    Oh, no, Satania-san.
    You're quite mistaken.
[08:11] Satania
    Huh?
[08:12] Raphi
    When you triumph in glory and splendor,
[08:15] Raphi
    who will tell tales
    of your valiant exploits?
[08:18] Raphi
    I shall bear witness
[08:20] Raphi
    and sing of your honor
    and majesty for posterity.
[08:23] Raphi
    That is why I am here.
[08:29] Satania
    I see. You know a legend when you see one.
[08:33] Satania
    I grant you permission to stay!
[08:34] Raphi
    Thank you, sir!
[08:36] Gab
    You can't give permission.
    This is my apartment.
[08:39] Satania
    Now, what should the contest be?
[08:42] Raphi
    Good question.
[08:43] Raphi
    How about shogi?
[08:45] Satania
    Sh-Shogi?
[08:47] Raphi
    It's an intellectual game,
[08:49] Raphi
    which makes it a perfect fit for you.
[08:52] Raphi
    What do you think?
[08:53] Satania
    Intellectual...
[08:55] Satania
    An excellent idea!
    I am, after all, an intellectual.
[08:58] Gab
    Hey, like, do you even know the rules?
[09:01] Gab
    I can play, but you?
SIGN    Shogi for Dummies
[09:03] Satania
    That goes without saying!
SIGN    Shogi for Dummies
[09:06] Gab
    Hey!
[09:09] Satania narr
    I now grasp the rules
    in the palms of my hands.
[09:11] Satania
    The goal of the game is to
    take your opponent's king.
SIGN    Pawn Silver General Bishop
SIGN    King Rook
SIGN    Knight Lance
[09:15] Satania narr
    There are a lot of characters
    I can't read, but whatever.
[09:21] Gab
    I'll let you have the first move.
    Let's get started.
[09:24] Gab narr
    So I can end this quick.
[09:26] Satania
    You won't look so composed for long.
[09:29] Satania
    Don't start crying in fear of my power.
[09:33] Satania
    Here I go!
SIGN    King
[09:38] Gab
    Are you sure you know the rules?
[09:41] Satania
    A king commands neither men
    nor respect from the rear.
[09:45] Satania
    Only if he takes the lead himself
    will the soldiers follow.
[09:48] Satania
    Well? How will you counter this
    inventive and devilish move, Gabriel?
[09:55] Girls
    Huh?
[09:56] Raphi
    Satania-san.
[09:58] Raphi
    Offside!
[09:59] Satania
    Huh?!
[10:00] Satania narr
    "Offside"? What does "offside" mean?
[10:03] Satania narr
    What was wrong with my move?!
[10:07] Raphi
    First two points to Gab-chan!
[10:09] Satania narr
    Why did Gabriel get points?!
[10:13] Satania narr
    I've fallen behind. I didn't know
    there were points in this game.
[10:17] Satania narr
    Shogi... It appears that
    it's harder than it looks.
[10:21] Satania narr
    But I won't let a mere penalty shake me.
[10:25] Satania narr
    On the contrary, I will stand firm and...
SIGN    Pawn
[10:27] Satania narr
    Attack!
[10:28] Satania narr
    Attack!
[10:29] Satania narr
    Attack!
[10:34] Satania narr
    Who said the battlefield was
    limited to the game board?
SIGN    Pawn
SIGN    Pawn
SIGN    Pawn
[10:38] Satania narr
    I've positioned my soldiers both
    inside and outside the castle
SIGN    Pawn
SIGN    Knight
SIGN    Lance
SIGN    Pawn
SIGN    Pawn
SIGN    Pawn
SIGN    Pawn
SIGN    Knight
SIGN    Lance
[10:41] Satania narr
    to attack Gabriel's king
    from all directions!
[10:46] Satania
    This is a true demonic formation!
[10:48] Satania
    Now, come at us from wherever you wi—
[10:52] Raphi
    Double dribble. Two points to Gab-chan.
[10:55] Satania
    Again?! I don't get these rules at all!
[11:01] Raphi
    It's your turn, Gab-chan.
[11:03] Gab
    'Kay. Then, I'll use my four points...
[11:07] Satania
    Huh?
[11:08] Gab
    ...to bribe Satania's pawns.
[11:10] Satania
    You can use points like that?!
[11:12] Satania
    Aren't bribes against the law or something?!
[11:14] Raphi
    There is nothing against it in the rules.
[11:17] Satania
    You'd better not be making
    them up as you go.
[11:19] Gab
    Next, I'll evolve the soldiers I bought.
[11:22] [SONG] Text
    Promoted
    Pawn
[11:22] Satania
    Evolve them?!
[11:24] Gab
    And activate my ultimate move.
[11:25] Satania
    Ultimate move?
[11:27] Gab
    By sacrificing four pawns...
[11:32] Gab
    My king evolves into God.
[11:34] Satania
    God?!
SIGN    King
SIGN    God
[11:39] Satania
    Hey! You wrote that on the piece!
[11:42] Satania
    This has to be against the rules!
[11:44] Raphi
    Safe!
[11:45] Satania
    It's good?!
[11:47] Gab
    Take this! The Hammer of God!
SIGN    King
[11:54] Raphi
    The winner is Gab-chan!
[11:57] Gab
    Weak.
[11:59] Satania
    There's no way I can accept this!
[12:01] Gab
    Hey, you didn't know the rules
    but wanted to play anyway.
[12:08] Satania
    Fine.
[12:11] Satania
    I'll memorize the rules by tomorrow!
[12:13] Satania
    And then I'll challenge you again!
SIGN    The Next Day
[12:22] Gab
    You wasted your time.
[12:26] Raphi
    The penalty for the loser, Satania-san,
    is a bath in boiling water.
[12:29] Satania
    What kind of rules are these?!
[12:38] Prez narr
    I'm Class 1-B's president.
[12:41] Prez narr
    My specialty is mental math.
[12:43] Prez narr
    There is, of course, a reason
    I'm striking this pose.
[12:48] Prez narr
    It's because we're doing
    figure drawings in art class.
[12:51] Prez narr
    But...
[12:53] Prez narr
    Normally, models would pose like that—
[12:56] Prez narr
    just sitting.
[12:58] Prez narr
    Why am I striking a pose, you ask?
[13:02] Prez narr
    Because my partner is Kurumizawa-san!
[13:06] Prez narr
    According to her, this pose is
    "hella awesome" or something.
[13:10] Prez narr
    But to me, it's my public execution!
[13:13] Satania
    Prez!
[13:14] Prez
    Uh, wh-what?
[13:16] Satania
    Freeze!
[13:17] Prez
    R-Right!
[13:19] Prez narr
    I thought Tenma-san and Tsukinose-san
    were the class eccentrics this year, but...
[13:26] (Flashback) Satania
    I am the Archdemon Satanichia,
SIGN    Dream
[13:29] (Flashback) Satania
    Queen of all Hell!
SIGN    Dream
[13:31] (Flashback) Satania
    Naturally, I don't do homework!
SIGN    Reality
[13:34] (Flashback) Satania
    And I have no intention
    of apologizing for it!
[13:36] (Flashback) Satania
    How do you like that? A demonic deed
    of the highest order, isn't it?
[13:40] (Flashback) Satania
    Prepare to meet your maker, fish!
[13:47] Prez narr
    But Kurumizawa-san
    is on another level entirely.
SIGN    Apocalypse
[13:49] [SONG] Text
    Armageddon
[13:51] Satania
    Okay, Prez.
[13:52] Satania
    Clothes off.
[13:56] Satania
    This picture isn't hella awesome enough.
[13:59] Satania
    It's too ordinary.
[14:01] Prez
    Um, posing in the nude is a little—
[14:04] Satania
    Prez.
[14:06] Satania
    My pride as an artist is at stake.
[14:08] Satania
    I refuse to make compromises
    in pursuing my art.
[14:12] Prez narr
    Since when were you an artist?
[14:14] Prez narr
    But now I see that
    she's really taking this seriously.
[14:18] Prez narr
    I should cooperate
    as best as I can.
[14:21] Satania
    Not the top. The bottom!
[14:23] Prez
    What?!
[14:24] Prez
    I can't take my bottoms off!
[14:25] Prez
    I mean, I can't take my top off, either!
[14:28] Prez
    I can strike a pose
    that I think is cool, but...
[14:30] Satania
    Freeze!
[14:31] Prez
    Sorry!
[14:33] Vigne
    Will the president be okay?
[14:35] Gab
    Sucks for her, getting stuck with Satania.
[14:38] Vigne
    I hope she won't be too much trouble.
[14:40] Gab
    Yeah, wishful thinking.
[14:42] Vigne
    How's yours coming along?
[14:44] Gab
    Almost done. It's coming out pretty well.
[14:47] Vigne
    Really? Let me see.
[14:50] Vigne
    Why did you zoom in on that?
[14:53] Satania
    I'm bored now.
[14:54] Prez
    Huh?!
[14:55] Prez
    What happened to all that passion you had?!
[14:58] Satania
    Your pose just isn't speaking to me.
[15:02] Prez
    It's my fault?!
[15:03] Prez narr
    Oh, no.
[15:05] Prez narr
    I'll feel bad if she can't finish
    her drawing because of me.
[15:08] Preznarr
    There must be something
    I can do to reinspire her.
[15:11] Prez
    Kurumizawa-san!
[15:13] Satania
    Huh?
[15:14] Prez
    What if, um...
[15:16] Prez
    I know, what if we used some props?
[15:18] Satania
    Props?
[15:20] Prez
    There should be plenty of them
    in the supply room.
[15:23] Prez
    Why not add one to your drawing?
[15:25] Satania
    I see!
[15:28] Satania
    I choose him!
[15:30] Satania
    I could turn him into a great work of art.
[15:33] Prez
    He's more of a subject than a prop...
[15:35] Satania
    He's not wearing clothes, either.
    He's perfect.
[15:38] Prez narration
    What's with the obsession with nudes?
[15:41] Prez
    Um, but the assignment is
    to draw a classmate.
[15:44] Satania
    I know.
[15:46] Satania
    I'll put your face on him!
[15:48] Prez narration
    Creepy!
[15:49] Prez
    I don't know about that.
[15:52] Satania
    So you want it on this?
[15:53] Prez
    I don't want it on anything!
[15:56] Satania
    Oh, come on.
[15:58] Prez narr
    Kurumizawa-san's inspiration is fading!
[16:00] Prez narr
    There has to be something else...
[16:02] Prez narr
    Eureka!
[16:04] Prez
    D-Double-sword style!
[16:08] Satania
    Uh, sure. Let's go with that.
[16:11] Prez
    Kill me now.
[16:13] Vigne
    Sorry, Prez, Satania's a little...
[16:16] Prez
    Okay! I'll take them off!
    I'll take them off for you!
[16:20] Vigne
    Huh?!
[16:21] Vigne
    Wait, Prez! Keep your shirt on!
[16:24] Prez
    Let me go, Tsukinose-san!
[16:26] Prez
    It's my responsibility as class president!
[16:30] Satania
    That pose! Freeze!
[16:39] Prez narr
    The responsibility was
    too much for me to bear.
SIGN    First Place
SIGN    Tsukinose
[16:49] Gab
    What?
[16:50] Girls
    Trick or treat!
[17:01] Girls
    Trick or treat, smell my feet,
    give me something good to eat!
SIGN    Setsubun
SIGN    Lucky Beans
SIGN    Demons out!
[17:16] Satania
    Right! So today is Halloween!
[17:19] Satania
    That awesome day when you get all the candy
    and pull all the pranks you want!
[17:25] Gab
    I don't care if it's Armageddon.
    Do you have to do it here?
[17:29] Gab
    And did you have to toss
    all my stuff outside?
[17:31] Gab
    I've got MMOs to play.
[17:35] Satania
    You forfeit the right to refuse us
    when you gave us only beans!
[17:38] Gab
    Dang, Halloween's harsh.
[17:40] Gab
    And what's with the weird get-ups?
[17:42] Vigne
    They're not weird! I made these
    especially for today!
[17:46] Gab
    Man, do you have to get so excited
    over every little event?
[17:49] Vigne
    Since we're in the human world,
    we should enjoy it to the fullest!
[17:53] Satania
    Exactly!
[17:54] Gab
    Shut up.
[17:56] Satania
    Forcing your way into people's homes,
    taking all the candy you desire,
[18:00] Satania
    venting your anger through pranks
    if they don't give you any...
[18:04] Gab
    Nothing could be more fun than this!
[18:06] Gab
    You sound like a total maniac.
[18:09] Satania
    There's still treats to be plundered here!
    I can feel it!
[18:12] Gab
    Say what?
[18:13] Satania
    We'll split up and search. Raphiel!
[18:14] Raphi
    On it!
[18:18] Gab
    Hey!
[18:20] Gab
    Sheesh, does Halloween mean free
    search warrants or something?
[18:24] Vigne
    Oh, right. I forgot.
[18:26] Vigne
    I made a costume for you, too, Gab.
[18:29] Gab
    Nope. Not wearing it.
[18:30] Vigne
    Aw, why not? I already made it...
[18:34] Gab
    No point, and it's stupid.
[18:36] Gab
    Besides, isn't Halloween about
    driving away demons and evil spirits?
[18:43] Gab
    And you demons are enjoying it?
[18:45] Vigne
    Well, Halloween has basically
    no religious significance anymore,
[18:49] Vigne
    and we demons need to adapt
    to the times, too...
[18:52] Vigne
    Therefore, it is our conclusion that
    there is no need to eschew the occasion.
[18:58] Gab
    What is this, a press conference?
[19:01] Gab
    Oh, right. That reminds me,
    I already have a costume.
[19:04] Vigne
    Huh?
[19:05] Vigne narr
    I didn't expect her to care,
[19:07] Vigne narr
    but I guess Gab was excited
    for Halloween, too—
[19:14] Gab
    My angel costume.
[19:15] Vigne
    That's what you are!
[19:17] Vigne
    Or, well, you know,
    you're just barely an angel now.
[19:20] Vigne
    Just be careful, okay?
[19:21] Gab
    Barely an angel...
[19:23] Vigne
    And since you're trying things
    on anyway, try this on, too.
[19:27] Gab
    Changing's effort. No thanks.
[19:29] Vigne
    Oh, come on!
    You'll be positively adorable! Please?
[19:32] Gab
    Nope.
[19:33] Vigne
    Don't be like that—
[19:34] Gab
    Nope.
[19:35] Vigne
    Just a little—
[19:36] Gab
    Nope. Not gonna. I'm good.
[19:41] Vigne
    Raphi, do you have a moment?
[19:44] Vigne
    I'd like to dress Gab up in something cute.
    Be a doll and give me a hand?
[19:48] Raphi
    My, oh, my!
[19:56] Gab
    What the hell is this?!
[19:58] Vigne
    A werecat costume.
[20:00] Gab
    Not buying it.
[20:02] Vigne
    I knew I was onto something.
[20:05] Gab
    One of us isn't like the others,
    and it's me.
[20:07] Gab
    Not that something else'd be better.
[20:09] Raphi
    What shall we do now?
[20:11] Vigne
    Hmm. Go to someone's house?
SIGN    Potato Chips
[20:16] Satania
    I've got a place in mind!
[20:20] Gab
    What do you think you're eating?!
[20:22] Gab
    Those are my precious provisions!
[20:25] Vigne
    We can't bother any strangers, okay?
[20:27] Satania
    No prob! It's someone we all know's house!
[20:31] Vigne
    Someone we all know?
[20:39] Vigne
    This?
[20:40] Satania
    Indeed.
[20:41] Gab
    Who lives here?
[20:43] Satania
    You'll see soon enough.
[20:52] Satania
    Sensei! Trick or treat!
[20:55] Gab
    It's our teacher's house?!
[20:56] Vigne
    Sensei, I can explain!
[20:59] Vigne
    This is, um, all a mix-up!
[21:00] Satania
    Vignette, calm yourself.
    This is permissible on Halloween.
SIGN    Devil's Mission
[21:06] Satania narr
    Now this is a devil's mission.
[21:08] Satania narr
    You visit someone who won't have treats
[21:10] Satania narr
    so you're justified
    in playing a trick on them!
[21:14] Satania narr
    I get to get payback on the teacher
    without fear of repercussions!
[21:17] Satania narr
    I am such a genius.
[21:19] Satania
    Well, Sensei? Where are our treats?
[21:21] Satania
    No treats, no complaints
    if we play tricks on you!
[21:33] Raphi
    Oh, my.
[21:33] Satania
    Get back here, coward! No treats
    means you wanna get tricked—
[21:39] Gab
    He has treats?!
[21:40] Vigne
    Complete with goodie bag?!
[21:42] Satania
    Th-This is not enough to satisfy me!
[21:44] Vigne
    Why not?
[21:45] Satania
    Offer me something more to my—
SIGN    Ultimate Melon Bread
[21:51] Satania
    Limited-edition deluxe melon bread!
[21:54] Gab
    Nice, Sensei.
[21:56] Satania
    Th-Thank y—
[22:02] Satania
    Hey!
[22:03] Satania
    How'd I become the victim of a dog's trick?!
[22:07] Satania
    Trick or dog!