2 - The Angel, the Demon, and the Class President

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:25] Vigne
    Lunchtime!
[00:28] Vigne
    Gab, for lunch today...
[00:33] Vigne
    Gab?
[00:36] Vigne
    What's the matter?
[00:39] Vigne
    Gab?
[00:40] Gab
    So we've been in the human world
    for a while, right?
[00:44] Vigne
    Right.
[00:45] Gab
    I never felt like this
    before coming here, but...
[00:50] Gab
    Do there have to be this many humans?
[00:52] Gab
    They're freaking everywhere.
[00:54] Vigne
    Yeah, I still can't believe you're an angel.
SIGN    Episode 2 The Angel, the Demon, and the Class President
[02:28] Vigne
    Want to eat in that "cafeteria" place today?
[02:31] Gab
    What? But that place is
    crawling with humans!
[02:35] Gab
    You want to go into a crowd?
    Are you a masochist?
[02:37] Vigne
    No!
[02:39] Vigne
    Don't you want to check out
    the cafeteria at least once?
[02:42] Gab
    I mean, I guess I can go.
[02:44] Gab
    But it costs money, right?
[02:46] Vigne
    Well, yeah.
[02:48] Gab
    How much will you give me?
[02:50] Vigne
    Why are you assuming I'll pay for you?
[02:53] Vigne
    I was thinking about inviting Satania, too.
[02:57] Gabu
    Where does Satania usually eat, anyway?
[03:00] Vigne
    Now that you mention it,
    she always disappears at lunchtime.
[03:17] Gab
    She was acting kinda suspicious.
[03:19] Vigne
    Should we follow her and see?
[03:29] Gab
    Where's she going?
[03:31] Vigne
    Beats me.
[03:33] Vigne
    But all these rooms are empty.
[03:43] Girls narration
    She's eating alone!
[03:45] Gab
    Has she always eaten
    all the way out here, alone?
[03:48] Vigne
    The poor thing!
    Why couldn't I notice sooner?
[03:53] Gab
    Satania.
[03:56] Satania
    Gabriel?! Vignette?!
    What are you doing here?!
[04:04] Gab
    What are you doing at all?
[04:07] Satania
    Nice try! But I still have
    an ace up my sleeve!
SIGN    Melon
    Bread
[04:21] Gab
    You were saying?
    Ace up your sleeve?
[04:23] Vigne
    How did a dog get up here?
[04:27] Vigne
    I'm sorry, Satania.
[04:29] Vigne
    You didn't have anyone to eat with, did you?
[04:32] Satania
    Um, no, uh...
[04:33] Satania
    It's not that I didn't
    have anyone to eat with!
[04:36] Satania
    On the contrary, I wanted to eat alone!
[04:39] Satania
    Eating together with lower lifeforms?
    Nothing could be more ludicrous!
[04:43] Gab
    Chill out.
[04:44] Vigne
    Eat with us from now on.
[04:46] Satania
    I said it's not like that.
    I don't need your pity.
[04:50] Gab
    Well, actually, we wanted
    to eat with you today, anyway, so...
[04:53] Satania
    Huh? With me?
[04:55] Satania
    Honest?
[04:56] Gab
    Honest.
[04:57] Satania
    This isn't a joke?
[04:59] Satania
    You're not pranking me?
[05:00] Gab
    Do you have, like, trust issues?
[05:02] Satania
    I...
[05:08] Satania
    I am the solitary demon,
    Kurumizawa Satanichia McDowell,
[05:11] Satania
    future queen of Hell.
[05:14] Satania
    A queen, dining with common riffraff?
    Utterly laughable!
[05:18] Satania
    I haven't the time
    even to give you the time!
[05:22] Gab
    Guess it's just us, then.
[05:24] Vigne
    Yeah.
[05:26] Satania
    Wait! I'm willing to make
    an exception this time—
SIGN    No Entry
[05:29] Satania
    Are you listening?! Wait for me!
[05:38] Vigne
    So this is the cafeteria.
[05:39] Gab
    Smells good. Would be better
    without all these people.
[05:44] Vigne
    How do we order our meal?
[05:46] Gab
    Huh? I assumed you'd know.
[05:51] Satania
    It appears that I'm needed.
[05:53] Satania
    For I know the cafeteria
    like the back of my hand!
[05:56] Vigne
    You've eaten here before, Satania?
[05:58] Satania
    No, never.
[06:00] Satania
    But make no mistake. I grasp the framework
    of this school in the palm of my hand!
[06:04] Vigne
    "Framework"?
[06:05] Gabu
    You're mixing hand metaphors.
[06:07] Satania
    All, naturally...
[06:09] Satania
    to keep the upper hand
    over my rival, Gabriel!
[06:16] Gab
    You really are an idiot.
[06:18] Satania
    No, I'm not!
[06:20] Satania
    Listen well. To order your meal,
[06:22] Satania
    you buy a "food ticket"
    from a "ticket machine."
[06:27] Satania
    This is a ticket machine.
[06:29] Satania
    You put money in here
    to buy a food ticket.
[06:32] Gab
    You buy something first.
[06:34] Vigne
    We don't know how it works.
[06:36] Satania
    As you wish.
[06:39] Satania narration
    There are a lot of choices.
[06:41] Satania narration
    Wait a minute.
[06:42] Satania narration
    "Kitsune udon"? "Tanuki udon"? What?
SIGN    Kitsune Udon
SIGN    Tanuki Udon
[06:51] Satania narration
    I'll play it safe and get plain udon.
SIGN    Tsukimi Udon
SIGN    Rice Ball
SIGN    Udon
SIGN    Tempura Udon
SIGN    Portions
SIGN    One
SIGN    Two
SIGN    Three
[06:56] Satania narration
    One person, two people, or three people?
[06:59] Satania narration
    There are three of us,
    so I guess I press this one?
[07:04] Gab
    Why do we have to eat udon, too?
[07:08] Satania
    I-I made the choice for you. Be grateful!
[07:11] Gab
    It said "portions." Can't you read?
[07:16] Gab
    You messed up, so lunch is on you.
[07:17] Satania
    What?!
[07:19] Vigne
    Give her a break.
    She feels bad enough already.
[07:21] Vigne
    Gab, could you pass me chopsticks?
[07:25] Gab
    Here.
[07:26] Vigne
    Thanks.
[07:28] Gab
    Here.
[07:31] Satania
    Hey! How am I supposed to eat
    with only one chopstick?
[07:34] Satania
    What am I, stupid?
[07:35] Gab
    What? Satania, you don't know
    about disposable chopsticks?
[07:40] Vigne
    You snap them in two first.
[07:43] Satania
    O-Of course!
[07:45] Satania
    Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows that!
[07:50] Gab
    Wow. You saw the perforation
    and snapped them across it.
[07:54] Satania
    Hurry up and eat already! It's good.
[07:57] Gab
    You said you've never been here before.
[08:00] Vigne
    Oh, it's good.
[08:03] Gab
    Yeah, not bad.
[08:06] Gab
    What're you all smug for?
SIGN    Seven-Spice Blend
[08:09] Satania
    "Na-na-a-ji-ka-ra-ko"?
[08:10] Gab
    "Seven-spice blend."
[08:12] Gab
    Seven shakes of the stuff,
    and you'll get the perfect spiciness.
[08:16] Vigne
    What are you—
[08:17] Satania
    Oh, really? One, two, three...
[08:20] Gab
    You're shaking too lightly. Start over.
[08:23] Satania
    Was I?
[08:24] Satania
    One, two, three, four...
[08:26] Gab
    No, not like that. One more time.
[08:28] Satania
    One, two, three, four,
[08:31] Satania
    five, six, seven...
[08:35] Satania
    I get this feeling that was
    more than seven shakes, but...
[08:39] Satania
    Down the hatch!
[08:48] Vige
    A-Are you okay?
[08:50] Satania
    Delicious!
[08:51] Girls
    What?!
SIGN    Seven-Spice Blend
[08:52] Satania
    The spiciness draws out
    the flavor of the udon.
[08:55] Satania
    I hate to admit it,
    but you've got taste, Gabriel.
[09:00] Gab
    I know, right?
[09:02] Gab
    Man, I was hoping for something funnier.
[09:05] Vigne
    Too bad for you that Satania's taste-deaf.
[09:11] Satania
    Let me shake some on yours, too, Gabriel.
[09:13] Satania
    Seven shakes isn't enough.
[09:19] Raphi
    You did very well.
[09:23] Girl A
    It's Shiraha-san.
[09:25] Girl B
    She's giving milk to a stray dog?
[09:27] Girls
    She's so nice!
SIGN    Melon Bread
SIGN    Loner's Lunch
[09:34] Girls
    See you, Prez!
[09:36] Prez
    Goodbye.
[09:38] Prez narration
    I'm Class 1-B's president.
[09:41] Prez narration
    My hobby is doing crosswords.
SIGN    Career Path Survey Class 1-B, Seat 1 Name: Aikawa, Nao Please fill in your post-graduation plans. School/Company First Choice: Maitenjima University Second Choice: Hamamai University
[09:44] Prez narration
    Tenma-san's the only one who hasn't
    turned in her career path survey.
[09:48] Prez narration
    Tenma-san never turns anything in on time.
[09:51] Prez narration
    I always have to nag her
    for every single paper.
[09:56] Gab
    Shoot. I forgot to turn in this survey.
[09:59] Vigne
    Good grief. Get your act together.
[10:01] Gab
    I've been way too busy lately.
[10:04] Vigne
    Busy with your video games, you mean?
[10:07] Prez narration
    Seems like she remembered this time.
[10:09] Prez narration
    The deadline's today.
    Fill it in fast, so I can go home.
[10:13] Vigne
    Which survey did you forget?
[10:16] Gab
    One to turn in to Heaven.
[10:18] Prez narration
    Heav— What?!
    Turn it in where*?!
[10:21] Prez narration
    You're supposed to turn it in to me!
    Your class president!
[10:25] Vigne
    So what's the survey on?
[10:27] Gabe
    Single men's top favorite foods.
[10:30] Prez narration
    No! Career paths!
[10:32] Vigne
    Oh, that's pretty important.
[10:35] Prez narration
    No, it's not!
[10:36] Prez narration
    Are they husband-hunting or something?
[10:39] Vigne
    That kind of data is extremely valuable.
[10:41] Prez narration
    Hell no, it ain't!
[10:43] Gab
    Dang it. I have to get
    this one done, and quick.
[10:47] Prez narration
    Why do you say it like it's your duty?
[10:49] Prez narration
    How much do you need to know*
    about single men?
[10:52] Prez narration
    Just write "marriage"
    for your first choice!
[10:56] Prez narration
    Oh, but she's interested
    in getting married?
[10:59] Prez narration
    Maybe she's more girlish than she lets on.
[11:04] Gab
    Can't all single men just,
    like, jump off a cliff?
[11:08] Prez narration
    What?!
[11:09] Vigne
    You can't say things like that.
[11:12] Prez narration
    Y-Yeah, what she said. You scared me.
[11:16] Gab
    Hey, wait, isn't disappearing them your job?
[11:18] Prez narration
    Her job?! Her job is
    to disappear single men?!
[11:21] Vigne
    I told you, I don't do that anymore.
[11:24] Prez narration
    So you used to?!
[11:26] Prez narration
    What in the world are they talking about?
[11:29] Prez narration
    Disappearing single men?
    What does that have to do with careers?
[11:33] Gab
    Oops. I forgot the career path survey, too.
[11:36] Prez narration
    You were talking about something else*?!
[11:38] Prez narration
    Jeez. Now their whole conversation*
    makes complete sense to me...
[11:45] Prez narration
    No. No, it doesn't.
[11:47] Prez narration
    Oh, well.
[11:48] Gab
    Career paths, huh?
[11:52] Gab
    Like, what are we supposed
    to write anyway?
[11:55] Vigne
    I just wrote what I'd like to do.
[11:59] Gab
    Then...
SIGN    I want to announce the end of days.
[12:02] Gab
    "I want to announce the end of days."
[12:04] Prez narration
    Who are you? God?
[12:06] Prez narration
    Are you one of those kids
[12:08] Prez narration
    who lives in a fantasy world in their head?
[12:11] Prez narration
    Get over it and write something
    a bit more realistic, please.
[12:15] Vigne
    Knowing you, you'd actually do it.
[12:17] Prez narration
    Stop enabling her, Tsukinose-san!
[12:19] Gab
    Sometimes, when I die in MMOs,
    I catch myself almost doing it.
[12:23] Prez narration
    World less than MMOs?! We're dead!
[12:25] Prez narration
    Oops, I got caught up in her fantasies, too.
[12:30] Prez narration
    I'm seriously concerned
    for both of them now.
[12:34] Vigne
    You're going to be someone
    who saves people, if only on paper.
[12:38] Vigne
    You could write something like that.
[12:40] Prez narration
    What? Someone who saves people?
[12:45] Prez narration
    Does that mean she wants
    to be a doctor or something?
[12:49] Prez narration
    Sheesh.
[12:50] Prez narration
    So Tenma-san has a real goal, after all.
[12:53] Prez narration
    Thank goodness.
[12:55] Vigne
    I mean, you know, right?
[12:57] Vigne
    If you felt like it,
    you could save millions of people.
[13:02] Prez narration
    You need a reality check, too!
[13:04] Gab
    Here's my survey.
[13:06] Prez
    Oh, thanks, Tenma-san.
[13:08] Gab
    See you, Prez.
[13:09] Vigne
    See you tomorrow.
[13:11] Prez
    Bye.
SIGN    First Choice: I want to do nothing all day long. Second Choice: Ditto Third Choice: Ditto
SIGN    Cooking Practice
[13:21] [SONG] Text
    Miso-Simmered Mackerel
SIGN    Miso Soup with Tofu
[13:24] Vigne
    Now then, I'd like to get started
    cooking those dishes, here...
[13:29] Vigne
    in Hell's kitchen.
[13:31] Gab
    Rude. We haven't even started.
[13:33] Vigne
    Satania, what are you wearing?
[13:36] Satania
    You noticed?
[13:38] Satania
    I'm going to cook.
[13:40] Satania
    It's only natural that I dress the part.
[13:43] Vigne narration
    What a pain.
[13:45] Vigne
    Never mind. Let's get started.
[13:47] Vigne
    First, we clean the fish.
[13:50] Vigne
    Satania, you were in charge of the fish.
[13:53] Vigne
    You did bring one, I hope?
[13:55] Satania
    Naturally.
[13:56] Satania
    See?
[13:58] Vigne
    It's alive?! Where did you
    even get that thing?!
[14:03] Satania
    Surprised?
[14:04] Satania
    This morning, I went all the way
    to a lake in Hell to catch it.
[14:08] Vigne
    Why would you put in that much effort?!
[14:10] Satania
    A first-rate chef uses only
    first-rate ingredients.
[14:14] Gab
    You're not a chef.
[14:16] Vigne
    Gab, did you bring the tofu and seaweed?
[14:22] Vigne
    What are these?
[14:23] Gab
    Carrots, potatoes, and onions.
[14:25] Vigne
    I'm asking why you brought them!
[14:28] Gab
    Well, when I hit up
    the supermarket yesterday...
[14:32] (Flashback) Gab
    Tofu and seaweed...
[14:37] (Flashback) Gab
    I could go for some curry.
[14:40] Gab
    And that's why.
[14:41] Vigne
    I hate this group.
[14:45] Vigne
    Well, we're stuck with these,
[14:46] Vigne
    so we'll do "miso-simmered mystery fish"
    and "miso soup with vegetables."
[14:50] Gab
    Wow. Real creative names there.
[14:52] Vigne
    And whose fault do you think that is,
[14:55] Vigne
    Miss Dumb Angel?
[14:57] Gab
    Y-You can put the knife down.
[14:59] Satania
    Improvised cooking?
    This chef's hands are itching for action.
[15:03] Vigne
    Do anything unnecessary,
    and I'll scratch your itch for you.
[15:06] Vigne
    Okay, I'm going to clean
    the mystery fish now.
[15:09] Gab
    The "mystery fish"?
[15:11] Vigne
    Well, I don't know what it's called.
[15:13] Gab
    Then let's call it "Satania."
[15:15] Satania
    Why?!
[15:24] Vigne
    No... I can't.
    I could never cut Satania.
[15:28] Satania
    It's not me!
[15:30] Satania
    Give me that!
[15:32] Satania
    I will conduct this fish's last rites.
[15:35] Satania
    Prepare to meet your maker, fish!
[15:46] Gab
    I'm glad you're alive, Satania.
[15:49] Vigne
    That was a close shave.
[15:51] Satania
    Huh?!
[15:52] Satania
    Do you mean me or the fish?!
[15:55] Satania
    Let me cut something next.
[15:57] Vigne
    The vegetables, then.
[16:00] Vigne
    With one knife only.
[16:04] Satania
    How do you use this thing?
[16:06] Vigne
    Grip your hand like this,
    and chop like this.
[16:08] Satania
    Like this?
[16:13] Vigne
    Gab, stop slacking off.
[16:15] Gab
    I'm busy making a vegetable tower, thanks.
[16:17] Vigne
    Work.
[16:19] Gab
    Yes, chef.
[16:20] Vigne
    Good. Now slide a little left and repeat.
[16:26] Vigne
    Why are you frying that?!
[16:28] Vigne
    I said we're simmering it in miso!
[16:30] Gab
    Doesn't everything taste better deep-fried?
[16:32] Vigne
    That's overgeneralizing!
[16:34] Satania
    Vignette, why can't I stop crying?
[16:39] Vigne
    What is this, a nursery?!
    I can't babysit both of you!
[16:42] Gab
    Vigne.
[16:43] Vigne
    Now what?!
[16:45] Gab
    Do you enjoy living like that?
    Always being mad?
[16:50] Vigne
    Now, let's move on to the next step.
[16:53] Satania
    Yes, chef.
[16:56] Satania
    Gotta spice things up.
[16:58] Vigne
    With sugar?!
[17:10] Vigne
    We made what we said we would. But...
SIGN    Menacing
[17:15] Gab
    Whoa. That can't be edible.
[17:19] Vigne
    There's a lot I'd like to say,
    but first, clean your plates.
[17:30] Gab
    Yup. The moral of this story is:
[17:32] Gab
    next time, follow the recipe.
[17:35] Satania
    Huh? Tastes good to me.
[17:41] Vigne narration
    I'm asking to be put
    in a different group next time.
[17:47] Raphi
    What kind of comical cooking
[17:49] Raphi
    could Satania-san be conducting
    at this very moment?
[17:53] Raphi
    Perhaps you could go ask her
    and report back to me?
[17:57] Girl A
    Did you find the ball?
[18:01] Girl A
    Shiraha-san!
[18:02] Girl B
    You're so nice!
[18:20] Satania
    Wh-Why are you sleeping next to me?!
[18:24] Raphi
    Oh, time for breakfast already?
[18:27] Satania
    It's time for an explanation!
[18:29] Raphi
    Lately, I've been terribly frustrated.
[18:31] Satania
    Huh?!
[18:33] Raphi
    I simply had to get
    closer to you to watch—
[18:35] Raphi
    I mean, to become friends
    with you, Satania-san.
[18:47] Raphi
    So I let myself in.
[18:48] Satania
    Creepy!
[18:49] Raphi
    I do hope you'll let me
    stay over for a while.
[18:53] Raphi
    We must have some bonding time.
[18:55] Satania
    No way in Hell!
[18:56] Satania
    Get out! Now!
[18:58] Raphi
    My, must you be so forceful?
[19:01] Raphi
    Oh! I have an idea.
[19:03] Satania
    Whatever it is, the answer's no!
[19:04] Raphie
    Can I be your apprentice?
[19:07] Satania
    "Apprentice"?
[19:08] Raphi
    Yes.
[19:09] Satania
    Apprentice... My apprentice?
[19:12] Raphi
    Allow me to serve you as your apprentice.
[19:16] Raphi
    I have always felt a regal dignity
    and honor in the tenacity with which
[19:20] Raphi
    you pursue your quest
    to achieve your ambitions.
[19:24] Raphi
    I must witness your meteoric rise firsthand!
[19:27] Raphi
    To be there in your crowning moment!
[19:30] Raphi
    Oh, please, Satania-san.
[19:33] Raphi
    No... Satania-sama!
[19:38] Satania
    V-Very well!
[19:39] Satania
    If you insist, I suppose
    you can be my apprentice.
[19:42] Raphi
    Thank you ever so much.
[19:44] Satania
    Henceforth, your name shall be...
[19:46] Satania
    Satanichia Brothers!
[19:49] Raphi
    Pardon?
[19:49] Satania
    Got it? I hope you're ready,
    Satanichia Brothers!
[19:53] Raphi
    Oh, actually, I'd rather
    you called me Raphiel.
[19:55] Satania
    What? Uh, I guess I can do that.
[19:58] Satania
    All right, Raphiel!
[20:00] Raphi
    How may I serve you, Satania-sama?
[20:04] Satania
    Satania-sama... Satania-sama...
[20:07] Satania
    sama... sama...
[20:09] Satania
    You will go buy my breakfast!
    Melon bread and milk!
[20:13] Satania
    You have five minutes!
[20:15] Raphi
    I'm sorry. I'm tired, so I'd rather not.
[20:18] Satania
    My apprentice defied me already?!
[20:20] Satania
    If you won't do my shopping,
    then what good are you?
[20:23] Raphi
    Well, you see...
[20:25] Raphi
    I'm afraid I'm not fit for such a task.
[20:28] Satania
    What?
[20:29] Raphi
    Would you be so gracious as to go fetch—
[20:32] Raphi
    I mean, show me how it's done?
[20:35] Satania
    Wait, you're sending me shopping?
    But I'm the master.
[20:39] Raphi
    Seeing the magnificent feats
    of those above them
[20:42] Raphi
    deepens the devotion
    of those of a lower existence.
[20:46] Raphi
    Please show this lowly angel
[20:48] Raphi
    how the great archdemon
    Satania-sama would do it.
[20:56] Satania
    I suppose I can't refuse
    my apprentice an example.
[21:00] Satania
    I am your master.
[21:01] Raphi
    My great master.
[21:03] Satania
    I'll be back in three minutes!
[21:04] Satania
    Behold my majesty and magnificence!
[21:08] Raphi
    I'll have a café au lait and a sandwich!
SIGN    Café au Lait
SIGN    Milk
[21:14] Satania
    Well, apprentice? Has your devotion
    to your master deepened?
[21:18] Raphi
    Out of curiosity, what happened
    to your melon bread?
[21:21] Satania
    Oh, shut up.
[21:22] Satania
    Now then! I have a mission
    for you, apprentice!
[21:26] Raphi
    A mission?
[21:27] Satania
    You are to spy on Gabriel!
[21:30] Satania
    Report to me her weaknesses!
[21:32] Satania
    Got that?
[21:34] Raphi
    I'm sorry. I need some time to digest.
[21:37] Satania
    Show some devotion!
[21:38] Satania
    Yeesh! Do as you're told!
[21:42] Raphi
    Yes, Master.
[21:43] Satania
    You'll never be able to keep up
    with me if you're this soft.
[21:47] Satania
    Do you understand?
[21:48] Raphi
    I'm doing my very best.
[21:50] Satania
    For crying out loud.
[21:52] Raphi
    By the way, Satania-sama.
[21:54] Satania
    What?
[21:55] Raphi
    I have one condition
    if I'm going to stay here.
[21:58] Satania
    Condition?
[21:59] Raphi
    A single futon is too cramped for two.
[22:03] Raphi
    From now on, I'll sleep
    in the futon, thank you.
[22:06] Satania
    You're fired.