E3 - Underwear is Armor. Make Sure It's High in Defense. Otherwise, My Son Might Die!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(This is incomplete since the names are blank on the source file. Feel free to edit them in. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    Okay, everyone, put your hands together.
[00:03] ---
    Let's eat!
[00:04] ---
    - Let's eat!
    - Let's eat!
[00:06] ---
    Okay, eat up!
[00:16] ---
    I can't believe this would be
    my first morning in an RPG world.
[00:21] ---
    Well, Ma-kun? Is it good?
[00:24] ---
    Sure, I guess it is.
[00:26] ---
    Great!
[00:32] ---
    This is so amazing! Rice with raw egg
    and miso soup with seaweed!
[00:36] ---
    It feels like so long since I've been
    in touch with my roots!
[00:42] ---
    I can't... I can't stop crying!
[00:45] ---
    W-Wise, are you okay?
[00:47] ---
    Oh, goodness!
    I'm going to eat on my knees!
[00:50] ---
    I want to enjoy every part of a Japanese meal,
    even my knees going numb!
[00:55] ---
    Okay, I will too!
[00:58] ---
    Me, too!
[00:59] ---
    Give me a break.
[01:02] ---
    They're like Japanese tourists...
[01:04] ---
    Japan! Japan! Yes, Japan!
[01:07] ---
    Gimme seconds! Gimme seconds!
[01:08] ---
    I'm glad we bought the miso and eggs
    at the market, aren't you, Ma-kun?
[01:12] ---
    Yeah, I guess.
[01:14] ---
    Listen, everybody.
[01:16] ---
    Today we're on a special quest
    to go to Maman Village.
[01:18] ---
    Once we're done eating,
    we're going to go buy equipment for sure.
[01:21] ---
    Okay!
[02:55] ---
    Underwear is Armor. Make Sure It’s High in Defense.
    Otherwise, My Son Might Die!
[02:56] ---
    You're after armor?
[02:58] ---
    Then how about this?
[03:01] ---
    This armor is all about freedom of movement.
    Looks good, huh?
[03:05] ---
    But there's somebody in my party
    I refuse to let wear this!
[03:10] ---
    Oh, how wonderful!
    Mommy's never seen armor like this!
[03:13] ---
    The one I least wanted to try it
    wants to try it!
[03:16] ---
    Ma-kun, I'm done changing! Take a look!
[03:21] ---
    What do you think of your mom's new outfit?
[03:28] ---
    Nobody understands how it feels
    for a son to see his mom in a bikini...
[03:33] ---
    Nobody but me understands...
[03:35] ---
    O-Oh? I thought you'd be happy.
    Does it not look good on me?
[03:40] ---
    I mean, I guess it does look good on you!
    But there's a deeper problem here!
[03:45] ---
    Just change back!
[03:47] ---
    A-Alright, I get it.
[03:50] ---
    I'll try the next one!
[03:52] ---
    No, that's not what I meant!
[03:56] ---
    Mamako Oosuki, age 15!
[04:02] ---
    Mommy's made her decision.
[04:04] ---
    With this dark power, I'll destroy everything!
[04:09] ---
    Mom...
[04:11] ---
    Please stop.
[04:12] ---
    Just one more! See, this one!
[04:16] ---
    But that's...
[04:18] ---
    What do you think, Porta?
[04:19] ---
    Yes! It's a Robe of Healing!
    It's mostly worn by healers and other magic users.
[04:25] ---
    Your mom can only use warrior armor, like you.
[04:30] ---
    I'm sorry but she can't equip it.
[04:33] ---
    You heard her.
[04:34] ---
    But look! The shoulder width is just right!
[04:37] ---
    The size is fine!
[04:39] ---
    Yeah, but it's not about the size.
    Your class can't equip it.
[04:43] ---
    My class shouldn't be a problem, right?
[04:46] ---
    Don't worry.
[04:48] ---
    Mommy is just going to try it on.
[04:52] ---
    Um, what happens if you ignore class restrictions
    and put something on anyway?
[04:57] ---
    W-Well, I'm not sure either, but...
[05:02] ---
    Ma-kun, Mommy needs you! Save me!
[05:04] ---
    What's wrong, mom?
[05:07] ---
    What's going on here?
[05:09] ---
    Help mommy get her clothes off!
[05:12] ---
    Plop.
[05:15] ---
    We got the equipment we need,
[05:18] ---
    but when my mom's around,
    things get really rough...
[05:21] ---
    It's like, it's not really an adventure at all.
[05:24] ---
    It's like normal life.
[05:26] ---
    Ma-kun!
[05:36] ---
    What's that?
[05:37] ---
    They had a sale at that shop.
    I bought lots of clothes for everybody!
[05:46] ---
    Hey, listen, Mom.
[05:48] ---
    Haven't you been a bit too excited
    since getting here?
[05:51] ---
    Y-Yeah. I'm just so happy to go
    on an adventure with you.
[05:55] ---
    That's not it!
[05:57] ---
    You've been immature,
    selfish and meddlesome.
[06:01] ---
    There's a lot of that, isn't there?
[06:02] ---
    I didn't mean to...
[06:04] ---
    Well, you are!
[06:06] ---
    No matter what I'm doing, you're always there.
    Are you trying to mess with me?
[06:10] ---
    It's a pain just having you around.
[06:13] ---
    Hold on, Masato, that’s too much.
    You’re being weird and mean.
[06:17] ---
    Right, Porta?
[06:21] ---
    I'm sorry.
[06:23] ---
    I-I'm sorry...
[06:25] ---
    I don't know how to apologize...
[06:28] ---
    Oh, no...
[06:29] ---
    Mommy won't act like that anymore.
    I'm really sorry.
[06:35] ---
    Damn, I did it again!
[06:37] ---
    Just because things aren't going how I want,
    I start sulking and get mad...
[06:41] ---
    I'm like a kid throwing a tantrum.
[06:45] ---
    I'm so lame.
[06:54] ---
    Ma-kun.
[06:56] ---
    Let me "tickle" your ears.
[06:57] ---
    Huh? Why now?
[06:59] ---
    Because I want to make up with you. So...
[07:03] ---
    I don't know why you need
    to clean my ears to make up...
[07:06] ---
    Okay?
[07:20] ---
    Thank you.
[07:22] ---
    Okay, here we go, Ma-kun.
[07:24] ---
    Don't move!
[07:29] ---
    I'm lying on your lap...
[07:32] ---
    Yeah. You're lying on mommy's lap.
[07:41] ---
    Hey, Mom...
[07:43] ---
    What?
[07:45] ---
    It feels like, when I talk to you,
    I sometimes say things I don't mean.
[07:50] ---
    I'm sorry, really.
[07:52] ---
    Ma-kun...
[07:54] ---
    I really count on you.
[07:57] ---
    Like right now, I can't clean my own ears,
    so I really appreciate it.
[08:02] ---
    Oh, so I'm your ear cleaner, then?
    Is that the only thing I do?
[08:08] ---
    No, no! That's not what I mean...
[08:11] ---
    Hey, don't move.
[08:14] ---
    Mommy loves it when you're kind
    and care about your mom.
[08:20] ---
    Thanks... And um, you're glowing, Mom.
[08:25] ---
    They made up!
[08:27] ---
    Yup.
[08:31] ---
    Walk, walk, walk.
[08:32] ---
    Welcome to Maman Village
[08:33] ---
    It happened just the other day...
[08:36] ---
    A demon called the Empress of Night
    appeared in the village.
[08:40] ---
    With her incredible power, she brought the villagers
    to heel, and gave them her demand.
[08:48] ---
    If they valued their lives, they were to bring
    the best-looking guy in the village, a hot host,
[08:53] ---
    one whose pecs and abs she could rub all day
    and still not get tired of them, as a sacrifice.
[09:01] ---
    I'm getting an image
    of some dumb, horny old cougar.
[09:05] ---
    That idiot...
[09:07] ---
    The sacrifice is to be handed over tonight.
[09:10] ---
    But just when we were lost and didn't know
    what to do, you all appeared before us.
[09:16] ---
    Well, we understand what you're thinking, Mayor.
[09:20] ---
    It's what I think it is, right?
[09:22] ---
    That's right.
[09:23] ---
    I planned on having you stay as long as you like,
    giving you free food and rooms,
[09:29] ---
    making sure you didn't leave
    until the empress showed up,
[09:34] ---
    in the hope that you could deal with her!
[09:37] ---
    Oh, he was planning on trying
    to make it happen naturally?
[09:41] ---
    Well, that's fine.
[09:43] ---
    Oh, thank you so much!
[09:46] ---
    But first, please enjoy "Maman's Milk Bath,"
    the village hot spring!
[09:57] ---
    This is wonderful.
[09:59] ---
    Wow, I think it's made me more beautiful.
[10:03] ---
    No, that's not right...
[10:05] ---
    Hey, mom, got a second?
[10:07] ---
    What is it?
[10:14] ---
    Hey, what are you doing, Mom?
[10:17] ---
    I thought I'd join you in the bath.
[10:20] ---
    The mayor said that we could have it
    to ourselves today.
[10:24] ---
    The bastard...
[10:26] ---
    So then...
[10:31] ---
    Come on in, you two!
[10:33] ---
    Ma-kun can't take his eyes off me,
    so now's your chance!
[10:39] ---
    I'm already in up to my shoulders, so I'm fine!
[10:43] ---
    I'm really getting in the bath with him?
    No way...
[10:46] ---
    Oh, you can't join a mommy
    and her son in the bath?
[10:50] ---
    Guess you can't be my daughter, after all.
    Such a shame.
[10:54] ---
    Hold it! If that's still on the table,
    I'm getting in.
[10:57] ---
    Becoming your daughter is my best shot.
[11:00] ---
    Especially after what I just heard.
[11:03] ---
    Come on in, then!
[11:05] ---
    As I'm sure you're aware,
    it's bad manners to wear a towel in a hot spring.
[11:10] ---
    I'm quite strict about that.
[11:12] ---
    S-So I get no armor, then? Fine!
[11:17] ---
    Masato, if you look over here I'll kil—
[11:19] ---
    Hey, Wise, I don't think girls
    should speak like that.
[11:24] ---
    Nothing will happen if you look over here,
    but don't look too much.
[11:28] ---
    R-Right...
[11:35] ---
    Wise.
[11:37] ---
    This place is so nice.
    Why not take a moment and relax?
[11:42] ---
    Okay.
[11:42] ---
    So, you wanted to talk about our battle
    with the Empress of Night, right Ma-kun?
[11:49] ---
    Am I right?
[11:50] ---
    Y-Yeah, that's it! That's the thing!
[11:52] ---
    According to the mayor, she's like a demon.
[11:55] ---
    But I wonder what she's really like.
[11:58] ---
    Mom, was there anything in the guide book?
[12:01] ---
    Well, there was lots of stuff about monsters,
    but nothing about the Empress of Night.
[12:07] ---
    Did they screw up?
    Or maybe it's a new monster.
[12:13] ---
    It's very dangerous to fight a monster
    with no information,
[12:16] ---
    but the villagers need us!
[12:18] ---
    We took the quest,
    so we kind of have to, I guess.
[12:24] ---
    The Empress of Night uses magic.
[12:26] ---
    Offense, buffs, healing. She uses all of it.
[12:29] ---
    And she has the cast cancel skill,
    so you can't interrupt her when she's casting.
[12:33] ---
    She also has invincibility barriers,
    which need three hits in a row in order to damage.
[12:40] ---
    She's a really big pain to fight.
[12:42] ---
    Wow, I see!
[12:44] ---
    You're really well-informed, Wise!
[12:46] ---
    You know a lot about her, huh?
[12:48] ---
    Of course I do! She's my—
[12:52] ---
    She's your?
[12:53] ---
    Um... um...
[12:56] ---
    I heard a rumor about her
    before joining up with you.
[13:01] ---
    You expect me to believe that?
[13:03] ---
    You'd damn well better!
[13:05] ---
    We're party members, right?
    You shouldn't doubt a fellow party member!
[13:07] ---
    It makes you scum!
[13:10] ---
    Huh?
[13:13] ---
    Wait, Wise.
    Give me time to say my last words.
[13:16] ---
    Mom, I'm going to die from a magical blast
    as punishment for seeing a girl naked.
[13:21] ---
    I might die multiple times.
    But don't worry, I'll come back to life.
[13:25] ---
    That's right. This is a game.
[13:27] ---
    I'll believe in and watch over you!
[13:29] ---
    I've got healing items ready,
    so don't worry about a thing!
[13:33] ---
    Thank you, Porta.
[13:35] ---
    Come on, Wise. Make it quick.
[13:37] ---
    D-Don't underestimate me!
[13:39] ---
    I bet a perv like you
    would want me to punish them!
[13:43] ---
    S-So I refuse!
[13:46] ---
    What's that? No punishment?
[13:49] ---
    Does it bug you? I bet it bugs you!
[13:51] ---
    If it bugs you, go dig a hole somewhere and
    scream all those "thank you's" you couldn't say!
[14:02] ---
    Thank... you.
[14:02] ---
    Masato, you jerk!
[14:09] ---
    That's strange.
[14:10] ---
    Given the way hot spring events usually work,
    Masato should be flying past me any minute now.
[14:16] ---
    Something wrong?
[14:18] ---
    No, don't worry.
[14:24] ---
    So? Is there something else?
[14:27] ---
    No, everything's fine.
    I fully understand how you feel.
[14:31] ---
    Your actions are far from
    what this game's designers intended.
[14:35] ---
    You leave us no choice
    but to remove your access to the service.
[14:42] ---
    Is that so? What a shame.
[14:46] ---
    I've already prepared the means
    to neutralize you.
[14:53] ---
    Did you try to erase me from the system?
[14:57] ---
    But it's useless. I have a special power.
[15:08] ---
    This is... a stun effect.
[15:11] ---
    Yes! That's right!
[15:13] ---
    I only got a basic explanation,
    so I don't really recall, but it sure is helpful!
[15:27] ---
    One last thing.
[15:28] ---
    I inform you that your daughter is quite close,
    along with the rest of her party.
[15:36] ---
    There's still time.
[15:37] ---
    Do you have any intention of making up
    with your daughter and starting over?
[15:40] ---
    None.
[15:41] ---
    You're absolutely sure?
[15:43] ---
    Of course I am! I'm living free.
[15:47] ---
    I don't need that stupid girl.
[15:49] ---
    These kids are smart, unlike her.
    They do whatever I tell them.
[15:54] ---
    These are the kinds of kids I wanted!
[15:56] ---
    What kind of parent
    uses her children as furniture?
[15:59] ---
    No, nothing I say will matter, will it?
[16:03] ---
    Goodbye!
[16:10] ---
    It's not over yet. There's still hope.
[16:14] ---
    I'm sure when I open my eyes again,
    I'll see a mom and child that I can count on.
[16:20] ---
    Blargh.
[16:23] ---
    Maman's Milk! Really?
[16:28] ---
    No, this is to help me grow into a strong boy!
[16:34] ---
    So good.
[16:35] ---
    Masato...
[16:36] ---
    You're in there, right? Can we talk?
[16:39] ---
    Y-Yeah, I'm right here...
[16:42] ---
    Are you here to punish me?
[16:45] ---
    Give me time to put on some clothes, at least.
    I don't want to go flying while naked.
[16:49] ---
    What are you talking about?
    I'm not here to punish you.
[16:53] ---
    I just want to talk.
[16:55] ---
    O-Okay.
[16:56] ---
    Hey, I'm going for a walk, I guess.
[17:01] ---
    Huh? A walk? Where?
[17:04] ---
    Where? Just around the forest nearby, I guess.
[17:09] ---
    Wait, we're doing a boss fight right after this.
    Why go for a walk now? And in the forest?
[17:15] ---
    You're right, but...
[17:18] ---
    Want to come with me, then?
[17:21] ---
    Huh? Why me, too?
[17:25] ---
    Wise, you're acting kind of weird...
[17:30] ---
    Listen, Wise, I think I might know
    what's going on here.
[17:35] ---
    Between you and the Empress of Night, I mean.
[17:41] ---
    Shut up, stupid Masato.
[17:43] ---
    Forget it. I'm going on my own. See ya!
[17:45] ---
    Wait! Hold—
[17:50] ---
    H-H-Hey! What are you doing?
[17:52] ---
    S-Sorry!
[17:53] ---
    Ma-kun!
[17:55] ---
    I actually bought you and me
    matching pajamas as a surprise...
[18:00] ---
    If you’ve started dating,
    I'd like you to properly introduce us first!
[18:04] ---
    - We haven't!
    - We haven't!
[18:06] ---
    Jump!
[18:08] ---
    Okay, now, Wise...
[18:11] ---
    I think it's time you tell us what's going on.
[18:15] ---
    I've pretty much figured it out already.
[18:18] ---
    But you should tell the others.
[18:22] ---
    We're all on the same team.
    It's not right to keep them in the dark, right?
[18:27] ---
    Is this about your mother, Wise?
[18:32] ---
    You knew, Mom?
[18:34] ---
    You're amazing, Ms. Mama!
[18:36] ---
    Fine. I'll tell you.
[18:39] ---
    That Empress of Night
    the mayor was talking about is my mom.
[18:45] ---
    Your mom?
[18:46] ---
    Oh my!
[18:48] ---
    My mom's the worst, really.
[18:51] ---
    She'd spend all her money at host clubs.
[18:54] ---
    My real name is Genya, which was the stage name
    of one of her favorite hosts.
[19:01] ---
    What? Seriously?
[19:03] ---
    She named her daughter after a host?
[19:06] ---
    That's right. That's right...
[19:10] ---
    And because of that, my parents divorced.
[19:13] ---
    Of course, I decided to live with my dad.
[19:17] ---
    I thought I was done with her.
[19:19] ---
    But then, one day
    she just walked back into my life.
[19:24] ---
    And she wanted to make up with her family?
[19:26] ---
    That's right!
[19:27] ---
    I was totally against it,
    but she started talking about this game.
[19:31] ---
    She tried forcing us to make up.
[19:34] ---
    But when she figured out she was kind of strong
    and could make lots of money,
[19:38] ---
    she began saying she needed to "blow off steam"
    and spending her time fooling around with men!
[19:42] ---
    I blew up and we got into a big fight,
    and then that was it!
[19:49] ---
    So that's what's up with my family.
[19:52] ---
    We're finished.
[19:53] ---
    Finished? You don't...
[19:55] ---
    It's not just me!
    Mom feels the same way!
[19:58] ---
    She doesn't care about me!
[20:00] ---
    I'm sure she cares about you!
[20:03] ---
    The truth's the truth.
[20:04] ---
    My relationship with my mom is over.
[20:11] ---
    That's not true.
[20:14] ---
    It's never over between a parent and child.
    It's never over.
[20:19] ---
    There's something between parent and child
    that goes beyond genes or the family tree.
[20:24] ---
    A connection that can never be broken.
[20:27] ---
    So it's never over.
[20:31] ---
    My family's not like yours.
[20:34] ---
    There's nothing between—
[20:35] ---
    I know there is.
[20:37] ---
    You don't realize it, but it's there inside you.
[20:41] ---
    Mamako?
[20:44] ---
    Wise, try to feel my arms around you.
[20:51] ---
    How's it feel?
[20:52] ---
    How?
[20:53] ---
    Your breasts are big,
    and you're soft and smell good.
[20:59] ---
    But you think it's also
    not quite right, don't you?
[21:02] ---
    I do. It's not quite a familiar feeling... Kinda.
[21:09] ---
    You smell kind of different.
[21:11] ---
    Not in a bad way,
    just not what it should be.
[21:14] ---
    Different compared to who?
[21:16] ---
    Who? Of course, it's my...
[21:20] ---
    My mom.
[21:22] ---
    What's important to a parent and child
    is within you, Wise.
[21:27] ---
    That's why... right?
[21:30] ---
    Let's make your mom remember the bond
    between a mother and her kid.
[21:35] ---
    I'll be receiving my sixth son today.
[21:39] ---
    I'll have him do a bridge
    and make him into an abs table.
[21:43] ---
    And then I can rub his abs while I drink wine.
[21:48] ---
    Such luxury!
[21:51] ---
    Abs...
[21:53] ---
    I inform you that your daughter is quite close,
    along with the rest of her party.
[21:59] ---
    Having a daughter is such a pain.
[22:02] ---
    No matter.
[23:35] ---
    Kids Are Kids and Parents Are Parents but Also Human Beings,
    and It Takes All Kinds, but They Get Through It Together, Right?
[23:36] ---
    Mom's going to do her best, Ma-kun!