E2 - It's Just a Coincidence They're All Girls. Got That? Wipe That Smirk Off Your Face.

Source: Crunchyroll
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(This is incomplete since the names are blank on the source file. Feel free to edit them in. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    Interviews with mom!
[00:06] ---
    So the three potential party members
    I spent so much time choosing...
[00:12] ---
    My hobby is dealing out twice the pain I receive
[00:16] ---
    after letting the enemy hit me
    as much as they want and overkilling them!
[00:19] ---
    You're a very cruel heavy knight, huh?
[00:23] ---
    My hobby is stealing!
[00:24] ---
    It feels so good to punch someone
    and take their stuff!
[00:28] ---
    You're a very wicked thief, huh?
[00:30] ---
    I'm calling the police.
[00:33] ---
    An elf priest? What's an elf?
[00:39] ---
    She mercilessly rejected all of them.
[00:42] ---
    And then...
[00:44] ---
    N-Nice to meet you!
[00:48] ---
    I'm Porta! I'm a test player!
[00:51] ---
    Just like us, huh?
[00:53] ---
    What can you do, Ms. Porta?
[00:56] ---
    Right! I'm a merchant!
[00:59] ---
    One of my basic skills gives me a discount
    when shopping or staying at an inn!
[01:05] ---
    So you're like a walking coupon, huh?
[01:08] ---
    I also have this merchant-only special bag
    that I got as a new player bonus.
[01:12] ---
    It gives me party storage, where I can store
    300 items no matter how big or heavy they are!
[01:19] ---
    That's a very convenient storage device!
[01:21] ---
    It makes me sad to think how happy I was
    when I bought those vacuum sealing bags!
[01:26] ---
    Oh, oh! I also have skills
    that let me appraise or create items!
[01:33] ---
    Appraisal and item creation, too?
[01:37] ---
    U-Um...
[01:41] ---
    I registered as a non-combat class,
    so I can't fight.
[01:45] ---
    But I'll work hardest
    with the things that I can do!
[01:48] ---
    I'll do my best!
[01:50] ---
    Hey, Ma-kun. I've already made up my mind.
[01:55] ---
    Yeah. No objections here.
[01:59] ---
    Okay!
[02:00] ---
    Ms. Porta, please become my son's bride.
[02:05] ---
    Okay!
[02:06] ---
    I'll be his bride!
[02:08] ---
    Hooray!
[02:09] ---
    Wait! As a party member!
    Porta is a party member!
[03:44] ---
    It’s Just a Coincidence They’re All Girls. Got That?
    Wipe That Smirk Off Your Face.
[03:44] ---
    On to the next...
[03:47] ---
    Who's this?
[03:49] ---
    Wise?
[03:50] ---
    Wise
[03:51] ---
    A 15-year old girl, huh?
[03:53] ---
    She’s a sage!
[03:54] ---
    That's an amazing class!
    It lets you use healing and attack magic!
[03:59] ---
    It says "If you don't choose me,
    I'll chain cast instant death spells on you!"
[04:05] ---
    What's chain casting?
[04:07] ---
    Well, it's when you...
[04:08] ---
    Her stats look good,
    but her personality seems not so great.
[04:13] ---
    She seems like a pain, honestly.
[04:16] ---
    She seems like the type
    to fire off her magic at random,
[04:20] ---
    blowing up her party, nearby buildings
    and the local scenery, while laughing boastfully.
[04:24] ---
    One of those kinds of girls.
[04:27] ---
    That's what my hero intuition is telling me.
[04:31] ---
    So, I'm thinking it's a no.
[04:37] ---
    Wh-What the...
[04:41] ---
    Grr! Grr! Grr!
[04:44] ---
    Fine, if that's how it's gonna be...
[04:48] ---
    Oww!
[04:50] ---
    What the hell are you doing, you jerk?
[04:57] ---
    It turned into a person?
[04:59] ---
    It's the person from the picture!
    I guess she transformed into paper using magic!
[05:03] ---
    What is your problem?
[05:04] ---
    I tried playing nice, but you crossed the line!
[05:07] ---
    Since you mocked me so much,
    I'll be sure to properly thank you!
[05:17] ---
    Spara la Magia bel mirale...
[05:24] ---
    Transport!
[05:24] ---
    Transport
[05:28] ---
    Hey, wait!
[05:30] ---
    Coming!
[05:42] ---
    You let me step on you rather willingly.
[05:45] ---
    I'll give you credit for your gallantry.
[05:48] ---
    So now that we're even, we can...
[05:51] ---
    The wind feels so good.
[05:55] ---
    This is my favorite place.
[05:58] ---
    I don't care!
    I really don't care about that stuff!
[06:02] ---
    Will you just forgive me?
[06:05] ---
    Understand that I'm trying to say
    something important here.
[06:08] ---
    Sheesh. Well, whatever.
[06:14] ---
    You're Wise the sage, right?
[06:17] ---
    So, what do you want?
[06:20] ---
    Did you transform into that paper
    to surprise us?
[06:24] ---
    Maybe you really wanted to join our party,
    so you were doing everything you could?
[06:28] ---
    How did...
[06:30] ---
    W-Well, you're basically right.
[06:35] ---
    Fine.
[06:37] ---
    Then let's do your interview.
[06:40] ---
    First, come and sit.
[06:47] ---
    Hey, um... aren't you a little close?
[06:51] ---
    Y-You're the one who told me to sit here!
[06:55] ---
    Give me some space.
[06:56] ---
    My apologies.
[06:58] ---
    We were unable to find your son.
[07:03] ---
    Ma-kun...
[07:05] ---
    Ms. Mama, it'll be okay!
[07:07] ---
    Masato is a hero, after all!
[07:10] ---
    Yes, you're right.
[07:13] ---
    Unlike me, his attack skill
    is a single hit solo target attack.
[07:18] ---
    But I'm sure he'll be fine!
[07:20] ---
    But you know...
    I feel like something bad will happen.
[07:26] ---
    Like, for example, Ma-kun
    will become friends with somebody else,
[07:26] ---
    Bye!
[07:28] ---
    Ma-kun!
[07:29] ---
    and leave me and go on a journey with them!
[07:34] ---
    That would be very bad.
[07:37] ---
    In that case...
[07:38] ---
    Twinkle!
[07:39] ---
    I joined the game as a test player too, you see.
[07:42] ---
    How much do you know about what's going on?
[07:46] ---
    I know we've been thrown
    into a video game, at least.
[07:51] ---
    But I still have no idea
    why my mother came with me.
[07:56] ---
    I'll tell you why, then.
[07:59] ---
    Why is your mother with you?
[08:02] ---
    It's because this game's genre is...
[08:05] ---
    Mom's Massively Maternal Multiplayer
    Making-Up-With-Offspring Role-Playing Game.
[08:16] ---
    What are you talking about?
    Are you screwing with me?
[08:19] ---
    I-I'm telling the truth! So listen to me!
[08:24] ---
    Or I'll start chain casting instant death
    and revival magic on you!
[08:28] ---
    I'll keep killing and reviving you back
    to life for as long as I've got MP!
[08:33] ---
    As long as I'm alive in the end,
    I guess that wouldn’t bother me, but...
[08:38] ---
    Fine.
[08:39] ---
    I'll hear you out, so keep talking.
[08:44] ---
    The goal of this game is
    to help parents and children get closer.
[08:50] ---
    That's why they're brought to the game in pairs,
    and told to go on adventures together.
[08:57] ---
    I have no idea how or why
    this game was made, but...
[09:03] ---
    The one thing I do know is that you can't return
    to your world unless you fulfill the win condition.
[09:09] ---
    Wait, seriously?
[09:11] ---
    So, what is this win condition?
[09:15] ---
    To become close with your mom.
[09:22] ---
    Listen carefully, Mamako.
[09:24] ---
    The most important part of this game
    is the relationship between mother and child.
[09:27] ---
    Believe strongly in the bond between you
    and your son, and speak to the earth.
[09:33] ---
    Mother Earth is a mother as well.
[09:35] ---
    She will understand how you feel
    and grant your wish.
[09:39] ---
    Probably!
[09:41] ---
    At first, I was adventuring with my mom, too.
[09:45] ---
    But we got into a fight and split up.
[09:48] ---
    I've been alone ever since.
[09:50] ---
    So now I'm trapped in this world
    and can't clear the game.
[09:54] ---
    Are you trying to get us to clear the game
    so you can go back home?
[10:02] ---
    Yeah. I want your mom to make me her kid, too.
[10:06] ---
    You have a really nasty look on your face.
[10:13] ---
    Mother Earth, if you're a mother too,
    you should understand how I feel, right?
[10:19] ---
    I don't want to tell my son
    who he can and can't be friends with!
[10:24] ---
    Listen, let me just ask.
[10:27] ---
    Wouldn't it be faster to make up with her?
[10:30] ---
    I just want to tell him
    that he should be nice to his mother, too!
[10:37] ---
    If you understand how I feel...
[10:40] ---
    Then please, tell me where Ma-kun is!
[10:45] ---
    That's impossible! Totally impossible—
[10:54] ---
    Oh, there he is.
[10:57] ---
    It really worked, huh?
[11:00] ---
    I'm not sure why...
[11:02] ---
    But it feels like I've won
    a very important battle!
[11:09] ---
    I inform-orm you that you just gained
    a support skill that allows you to find your son,
[11:14] ---
    and immediately interrupt whatever it is
    he's gotten himself into.
[11:18] ---
    Mother's Fang
    Allows you to find your son or daughter,
    and immediately interrupt whatever it is
    s/he's gotten himself into,
    regardless of where s/he is or what s/he is doing!
[11:19] ---
    regardless of where he is
    or what he is doing!
[11:24] ---
    This doesn't make sense!
[11:26] ---
    Why did I get arrested?
[11:29] ---
    What you did to me after you teleported
    is being treated as attempted PK.
[11:33] ---
    I just stepped on your face!
[11:36] ---
    And so did you!
[11:38] ---
    I'm a human.
    And you were a piece of paper, right?
[11:41] ---
    So I'm in the clear!
[11:44] ---
    Just let me out of here!
[11:45] ---
    Wise, may I say something?
[11:47] ---
    Ma-kun told me what you're after.
[11:51] ---
    And I can't make you my daughter.
[11:55] ---
    But you're welcome to join our party
    and adventure with us!
[12:01] ---
    Basically, she wants to get you out of here,
    and if we run into your mother on our travels,
[12:07] ---
    she'll stick her nose in your business
    and get you two to make up.
[12:10] ---
    Right?
[12:11] ---
    That's exactly right!
[12:12] ---
    We really are mother and son!
    You knew without me saying a word!
[12:16] ---
    What do you mean?
    I didn't ask you to do that!
[12:19] ---
    I'd rather destroy the entire world
    than make up with that vile woman!
[12:31] ---
    Listen, Wise.
[12:32] ---
    What?
[12:33] ---
    It would help us out a lot
    to have your awesome magics on our side.
[12:38] ---
    So can you just do it to help us?
[12:42] ---
    So you really do need me, is that it?
[12:45] ---
    Since you're asking, it can't be helped.
[12:47] ---
    Alright! I'll do you a favor and join your party!
[12:51] ---
    Okay!
[12:52] ---
    So our party will be the four of us, for now!
[13:01] ---
    So this is a dungeon?
[13:03] ---
    Ma-kun, are we really going inside?
[13:06] ---
    Yup. We defeat monsters
    in the dungeon to make money.
[13:10] ---
    That's adventuring 101, isn't it?
[13:12] ---
    Yes! The gems in monsters' bodies can be used
    as fuel, crafting materials or other things, too!
[13:19] ---
    So the exchange will always buy them!
[13:22] ---
    Yeah, and since I'm almost out of face lotion,
    I'll have to do my best!
[13:30] ---
    Huh?
[13:32] ---
    Wait!
[13:43] ---
    Is everyone okay?
[13:45] ---
    I'm fine!
[13:47] ---
    So am I!
[13:48] ---
    Ow...
[13:50] ---
    Ma-kun! Where are you, Ma-kun?!
[13:53] ---
    It's too dark to see!
[13:54] ---
    Where are you?
[13:56] ---
    Hold on! Hold on! Stop moving around, Mom!
[13:59] ---
    Hey, Wise!
    Can you use some magic to make light?
[14:03] ---
    Well, um, those spells are, um...
[14:08] ---
    You can't use them, huh?
[14:10] ---
    You're pretty worthless, aren't you?
[14:12] ---
    How about you, Porta?
    Got any items that can make light?
[14:16] ---
    I-I'm sorry!
    I think I dropped my bag when I fell!
[14:21] ---
    Seriously?
[14:23] ---
    I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!
[14:25] ---
    I'm sorry I'm so useless...
[14:29] ---
    No, there's no need to cry!
    You can't help it if you dropped it.
[14:32] ---
    You're still more useful than a sage
    who can't use the spells we need.
[14:36] ---
    Why are you so much nicer
    to her than to me?
[14:38] ---
    I'm sorry!
[14:42] ---
    It's okay, Porta.
[14:45] ---
    Everybody makes mistakes.
[14:47] ---
    Ms. Mama!
[14:48] ---
    Let's both try to cheer up!
[14:51] ---
    Hip-hip-hooray!
[14:58] ---
    My mom is glowing?!
[15:05] ---
    It looks like you got a special mom skill,
    "Mother's Light."
[15:12] ---
    Come to think of it,
    my mom used to glow sometimes, too.
[15:23] ---
    It's bright in here, huh?
[15:26] ---
    Feels like a monster could show up any second.
[15:31] ---
    Slimes?
[15:34] ---
    It doesn't matter how many there are.
    These wimps are no much for me!
[15:38] ---
    I'll show you my power!
[15:41] ---
    Spara la Magia bel mirale...
[15:52] ---
    What was that?
[15:55] ---
    What... the hell?
[15:58] ---
    After all that eagerness,
    this is what happens?
[16:01] ---
    Wise's magic has been sealed!
[16:04] ---
    Yeah, I know.
[16:05] ---
    I know, so you don't need
    to say it aloud, Porta.
[16:10] ---
    Mom will do her best!
[16:26] ---
    Wise's magic is no longer sealed!
[16:29] ---
    Let's all just pretend that never happened.
[16:35] ---
    Let me handle picking up the gems!
[16:44] ---
    How cute.
[16:46] ---
    She's like a little squirrel, isn't she?
[16:48] ---
    Still, Mamako's a little overpowered, isn't she?
[16:55] ---
    So that's what it looks like
    when you level up, huh?
[16:58] ---
    Basic stats go up automatically,
    and then you get SP...
[17:02] ---
    And there we go.
[17:04] ---
    You can allocate these SP points
    to customize your character, I guess.
[17:16] ---
    This time they're mine!
[17:18] ---
    Spara la Magia bel mira—
[17:23] ---
    Wise's...
[17:25] ---
    Don't say it aloud.
[17:26] ---
    Huh? Ma-kun, look.
[17:32] ---
    It was so small, but now it's so big!
[17:38] ---
    Mom, watch out!
[17:43] ---
    Mom, are you okay?
[17:46] ---
    Huh?
[17:48] ---
    Oh? Oh? Oh?
[17:49] ---
    Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh?
[17:51] ---
    Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh?
[17:54] ---
    What the heck?
[17:56] ---
    My clothes aren't melting at all!
[18:00] ---
    No, no... Wait...
[18:04] ---
    I can't...
[18:06] ---
    N-No, Ma-kun!
[18:08] ---
    You're my son!
[18:10] ---
    No matter how much you love me...
[18:13] ---
    What are you talking about?
[18:15] ---
    This isn't the time for jokes!
[18:17] ---
    But I'm soaking wet!
[18:19] ---
    Ma-kun, your mommy is soaking wet!
[18:22] ---
    Soaking wet!
[18:24] ---
    Please calm down!
[18:26] ---
    Don't say another word!
[18:31] ---
    He went after my mom again?
[18:33] ---
    Stop it! No more, please!
[18:36] ---
    Mommy's wearing a thong today!
[18:39] ---
    I did not need to know that!
[18:45] ---
    I see something a son
    was never meant to see...
[18:49] ---
    Spara la Magia bel mirale...
[18:55] ---
    Lento!
[18:55] ---
    Slow
[19:01] ---
    I thought you couldn't cast magic!
[19:05] ---
    A high-level sage like me can resist the effect
    with my overwhelming magical power!
[19:10] ---
    I gave her an item
    to cure the bad status effect!
[19:14] ---
    Sorry it took so long!
[19:15] ---
    Well done, Porta!
[19:17] ---
    You're way more helpful
    than that mostly useless sage!
[19:22] ---
    You won't get away!
[19:26] ---
    You melted a mother's clothes
    in front of her son...
[19:32] ---
    You must be punished!
[19:46] ---
    Look, look, Ma-kun!
[19:48] ---
    Your mom won!
[19:51] ---
    You start glowing when you're happy, too?
[19:53] ---
    Forget that, put on some clothes!
[19:57] ---
    Here you go!
[19:59] ---
    Oh, thank you!
[20:02] ---
    Nothing but an apron?
    Are you trying to kill your son?
[20:07] ---
    B-But I guess it's better than naked.
[20:10] ---
    Nice, Porta!
[20:12] ---
    Anyway, I guess my mom
    is gonna steal all the glory, huh?
[20:17] ---
    Look at that!
[20:31] ---
    Shirase?
[20:32] ---
    I'll revive her with my magic!
[20:46] ---
    Hello.
[20:47] ---
    I am here to inform you
    that I have safely come back to life.
[20:51] ---
    Okay, that's what should happen in a game.
[20:53] ---
    Um, can you tell me your name
    and job this time?
[20:57] ---
    I am Shirase.
[20:59] ---
    I inform that I am
    the mysterious nun, Shirase!
[21:03] ---
    Got it. I'll keep that in mind.
[21:07] ---
    It appears you defeated
    the dangerous monster that ate me.
[21:11] ---
    And so, I will offer you a special quest
    in recognition of your powers.
[21:18] ---
    If you would like to accept this quest,
    please prepare your equipment
[21:23] ---
    and head to a small farming village west of
    the Kingdom of Mommalia, the village of Maman!
[21:29] ---
    Walk, walk, walk.
[21:31] ---
    Okay, we got plenty of mam.
    Next is equipment. Let's buy some!
[21:37] ---
    From the look of the stuff they're selling,
    one mam seems to be about one yen.
[21:41] ---
    One carton of a dozen eggs = 100 mam.
[21:43] ---
    Look, Ma-kun! Eggs are cheap!
    One carton of a dozen for 100 mam!
[21:48] ---
    Listen, mom.
    We're not here to buy cooking ingredients.
[21:50] ---
    They're so fresh!
[21:54] ---
    Oh, that meat looks good too!
[21:57] ---
    And those veggies, too!
[22:00] ---
    What is this?
    Hey, what do you think about this, Ma-kun?
[22:01] ---
    I have a bad feeling for some reason...
[23:34] ---
    Underwear is Armor. Make Sure It’s High in Defense.
    Otherwise, My Son Might Die!
[23:35] ---
    I thought you might want to join me.