E2 - If the Cuckoo won't sing, it's probably dead \ Girl Power Overdrive \ Social Mixer Training

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Karin
    "If the cuckoo won't sing,
    I'll make it sing."
[00:09] Karin
    Senpai, do you know that poem?
[00:11] Sakura
    Sure I do.
[00:14] Botan
    From the cuckoo poems that were written
[00:15] ---
    to describe the personalities of
    the Three Great Unifiers, right?
[00:19] Sakura
    "I'll make it sing" was Hideyoshi, wasn't it?
[00:21] Claire
    But what brought this up?
[00:28] Karin
    They already know about them...
[00:30] Natsuki
    Hey, Senpai!
[00:31] ---
    Karin just learned that today,
    and she was really impressed!
[00:34] ---
    Try to read the mood!
[02:08] Nar
    "If the cuckoo won't sing, I'll kill it."
[02:12] Nar
    "If the cuckoo won't sing,
    I'll make it sing."
[02:16] Nar
    "If the cuckoo won't sing,
    I'll wait until it sings."
[02:22] Nar
    From these poems,
[02:23] ---
    we can determine that Nobunaga was crazy,
[02:26] ---
    Hideyoshi was normal and boring,
[02:28] ---
    and Ieyasu was lazy.
[02:33] Aza
    It's not like they composed
    the poems themselves...
SIGN    Record 5
SIGN    The Cuckoo Isn't Singing.
     It Appears to be Dead
[02:42] Natsuki
    The subject just came up in class today.
[02:47] Claire
    What? But doesn't first year Social
    Studies only cover world history?
[02:51] ---
    Why were you talking about
    generals of the Warring States?
[02:53] Natsuki
    No, it wasn't in Social
    Studies. It was in Math.
[02:58] Botan
    That happens a lot.
[03:00] Sakura
    Maybe the teacher's original ambition
[03:03] ---
    to go into humanities showed up there.
[03:06] Claire
    I guess he made a bit of a life mistake.
[03:08] Natsuki
    Huh?!
[03:10] Botan
    That happens a lot.
[03:13] Karin
    But I was really impressed.
[03:16] ---
    I thought, if all the generals
    had poems like that,
[03:19] ---
    it'd be easier for someone who's bad
    at history to memorize things.
[03:24] Sakura
    I see! Then, I'll come up with one for you!
[03:27] Sakura
    "The cuckoo looks good in an eye patch."
[03:33] Sakura
    From this poem, you can determine
[03:35] ---
    that Masamune really loved eye patches.
[03:38] Natsuki
    Masamune loved himself, then!
[03:40] ---
    Also, that's a little too random!
[03:43] Botan
    I bet Masamune wouldn't take any damage
[03:45] ---
    unless his eye patch was destroyed first.
[03:48] Natsuki
    What are you talking about?!
[03:52] Natsuki
    You don't have to take notes!
[03:54] Karin
    Hey, yeah!
[03:55] ---
    Now I can take Geography next year
    instead of Japanese History.
[03:58] Natsuki
    That's not the answer!
[04:00] ---
    That info won't help you,
    even in Japanese History!
SIGN    One-Eyed Seal
[04:03] Aza
    I'm Date!
[04:06] Claire
    By the way, what would you do
    in that situation, Karin-san?
[04:09] Karin
    What? In what situation?
[04:12] Claire
    You just got a cuckoo, but it won't sing.
[04:14] ---
    What would you do?
[04:19] Karin
    Let me see...
[04:22] Karin
    If the cuckoo won't sing...
SIGN    Bam
[04:26] Karin
    I-I have to take it to a hospital
    because it might be sick!
SIGN    Deliberation
SIGN    Cute
SIGN    Huh?!
[04:35] Natsuki
    What?!
[04:38] Claire
    I want you to be my little sister.
[04:40] Natsuki
    Why do your eyes look so serious?!
[04:42] Claire
    Because I mean it.
[04:43] Natsuki
    You meant that?!
[04:45] Sakura
    Then, what would you do, Natsuki-chan?
[04:47] Natsuki
    What? Me?
[04:52] Natsuki
    Uh, let me see...
[04:57] Natsuki
    If the cuckoo won't sing,
    I guess I'm okay with that.
[05:01] Sakura
    I see!
[05:03] ---
    Don't entertain lofty ambitions,
[05:04] ---
    but accept the situation for what it is,
[05:07] ---
    and try to enjoy it.
[05:09] ---
    This poem embodies the
    spirit of modern youth.
[05:12] Natsuki
    You don't have to analyze it that much...
[05:14] Natsuki
    I'm just not that interested
    in listening to cuckoos singing.
[05:19] Sakura
    You modern youth, you!
[05:20] Natsuki
    What would you do, then, Sakura-senpai?
[05:25] Sakura
    Let me see...
[05:26] ---
    I figure the cuckoo
[05:28] ---
    probably has its own reasons
    for not singing... So I'd say...
[05:35] Sakura
    If the cuckoo won't sing,
    try smiling instead.
[05:39] Natsuki
    That's not kindness!
[05:41] ---
    You're putting even more pressure on it!
[05:45] Botan
    I'm pretty much the same as Ieyasu.
[05:48] Natsuki
    You mean you'd wait until it sings?
[05:51] Botan
    Yeah.
[05:53] ---
    If the cuckoo won't sing,
    I'll wait until it sings.
[05:58] Botan
    Until its tears turn into stars in the sky!
[06:01] Natsuki
    She added a lower phrase!
[06:03] Natsuki
    I'm pretty sure Ieyasu wasn't
    that much of a romantic!
[06:07] Botan
    It's because, back in middle school,
[06:09] ---
    I was the type who'd write lyrics
    without music to go with them.
[06:12] Natsuki
    Why did you just confess to that?
[06:15] Sakura
    What about you, Claire-chan?
[06:17] Botan
    Let's see... To be honest,
[06:19] ---
    I don't fully understand
    what these poems mean.
[06:22] Sakura
    Huh? You don't understand them?
[06:24] Claire
    Well, you know...
[06:27] Claire
    If the cuckoo won't sing,
    why not just get a canary?
[06:34] Natsuki
    That's not the issue!
[06:37] Karin
    Um... I know it's a little late to ask this, but...
[06:41] Karin
    What type of bird is a cuckoo?
[06:45] Botan
    Good question. What kind of bird is it?
[06:47] Natsuki
    Um... I think it's... green, and...
[06:50] Botan
    That's a bush warbler.
[06:52] Sakura
    I think it's yellow, and
    used as a dyeing agent...
[06:56] Claire
    I think you're describing sodium chromate.
[06:58] Natsuki
    How did you get those confused?!
[07:00] Claire
    It's a type of bird: small, medium,
[07:03] ---
    or possibly large, with
    two wings it uses to fly.
[07:07] Claire
    It also has a beak.
[07:08] Karin
    Oh, it's that kind of bird.
[07:11] Natsuki
    Use your head, Karin!
[07:12] ---
    That applies to most birds!
[07:15] Botan
    Also, the females lay eggs.
[07:17] ---
    Only the females, not the males.
[07:19] Natsuki
    You can stop giving that kind of info!
[07:21] ---
    It's not helping the description at all!
[07:23] Sakura
    But it's strange, isn't it?
[07:25] ---
    We've been saying all these things,
[07:27] ---
    but none of us actually
    knows what a cuckoo is.
[07:32] Sakura
    Maybe, instead of a cuckoo bird, it's...
[07:38] Natsuki
    She's not really...
[07:43] Natsuki
    ...going to say it, is she?
[07:49] Sakura
    ...a bird gone cuckoo!
[07:51] Natsuki
    She said it!
[07:55] Aza
    There are some jokes you know are bad,
[07:57] ---
    but you just have to say them anyway!
SIGN    A type of bird in the Cuculidae family, of the order Cuculiformes. Grows to about 28 centimeters. They often lay eggs in nests of other birds, such as bush warblers, leaving the host to raise the cuckoo's chick. Because of this, they are seen as pests of the bird world. They migrate to Japan around mid-May, leading to much shouting at them to go away.
SIGN    Cuckoo Bird
SIGN    Bird Gone Cuckoo
SIGN    A bird that is pathetic in every way. It's not especially harmful, but tends to be exterminated.
[08:08] Karin
    I brought cookies today!
SIGN    Yay!
[08:11] All
    Yay!
[08:19] Sakura
    Oh, they're good!
[08:21] ---
    Where did you buy them?
[08:23] Karin
    Don't say that, Senpai.
[08:25] Karin
    I made them myself!
[08:30] Botan
    You fiend! Who are you?!
[08:33] Karin
    Huh? What?!
SIGN    Record 6
SIGN    Feminine Appeal Overdrive
[08:41] Sakura
    Wait a minute!
[08:43] ---
    You mean Karin-chan isn't the
    "brainless beauty" archetype?
[08:48] Sakura
    I figured, if she tried to cook...
[08:51] Sakura
    She'd be the type to make the pot explode!
[08:54] Karin
    Please, Senpai. Food doesn't explode.
[08:58] Sakura
    You are correct!
[09:01] Sakura
    Oh no! I've got "anime brain"!
[09:03] Karin
    Oh, but... eggs do explode
    if you microwave them,
[09:09] ---
    so you have to be careful.
[09:11] Sakura
    You even went to the trouble
    of naming an exception!
[09:14] Sakura
    What is this feeling?
[09:15] ---
    I suddenly want to wrap her in kindness...
[09:18] Claire
    I didn't know Karin-san had a talent like that.
[09:21] ---
    Did you know, Natsuki-san?
[09:23] Natsuki
    Nope. This is the first I've heard of it, too.
[09:27] Sakura
    Feminine Appeal: 5,000!
[09:29] ---
    Impossible!
[09:30] Sakura
    From an Earthling?!
[09:32] Natsuki
    Where did you pull that thing from?!
[09:34] Sakura
    Is the device malfunctioning?!
[09:35] Natsuki
    I think your brain is malfunctioning!
[09:38] Karin
    I was actually in the Home
    Ec Club in middle school.
[09:42] ---
    I'm good at cooking and sewing.
[09:44] Natsuki
    Oh, really?
[09:46] ---
    So why didn't you join the
    Home Ec Club in high school?
[09:50] Karin
    It's because this school separates it
[09:51] ---
    into Cooking Club and Handicrafts Club.
[09:55] ---
    And while I was trying
    to pick between them,
SIGN    Boom
[09:59] Karin
    that's when I found the Going Home Club!
[10:01] Natsuki
    How did you decide on this club
[10:02] ---
    as a happy medium between the two?
[10:06] Claire
    It's impressive that you can sew, too.
[10:08] ---
    I'd love to see something you've made.
[10:11] Karin
    In that case...
SIGN    Karin
[10:14] Karin
    This tissue cover is handmade!
[10:16] Sakura
    N-Not only does she put a cover
    on her pocket tissues...
[10:20] Botan
    ...but it's handmade, too?!
[10:22] Sakura
    Feminine Appeal Level: 40,000...
[10:24] ---
    50,000...
[10:26] ---
    It's still rising!
[10:28] Natsuki
    Seriously, where did you buy that thing?
[10:31] Botan
    Karin must be of a race that can
    alter its Feminine Appeal at will.
[10:35] Natsuki
    She's joined in, too!
[10:38] Botan
    What formidable Feminine Appeal!
[10:43] Botan
    To bring me of all people to my knees...
[10:45] Natsuki
    Why are you on your knees?!
[10:49] Claire
    Truth is...
[10:53] ---
    I've heard of this.
[10:58] Claire
    They say that any girl
    can become a princess!
[11:05] Sakura
    You mean that Karin-chan...
[11:07] ---
    has another transformation coming up?!
[11:12] Natsuki
    It exploded!
[11:14] Natsuki
    A device that explodes when it
    exceeds its measuring parameters
[11:17] ---
    goes against the PL Law!
[11:26] Natsuki
    How did you end up like that?!
[11:30] Botan
    I can't win...
[11:32] Natsuki
    What are you even fighting?!
[11:33] Botan
    By the way, the PL Law refers
    to the Product Liability Law,
[11:38] ---
    a regulation prohibiting the
    sale of dangerous goods.
[11:42] Natsuki
    She gave an explanation!
[11:44] Botan
    Also... it has nothing to do...
    with high school... baseball...
[11:51] Claire
    I... I'm done for, too...
[11:54] Natsuki
    Why?!
[11:55] Claire
    This... atmosphere...
[12:04] Natsuki
    These people take a mood way too far!
[12:07] Natsuki
    Seriously, what is happening here?!
[12:11] Karin
    I don't really get it, but...
[12:15] Karin
    They liked the stuff I made!
SIGN    Chronicles of the Going Home Club
SIGN    Going Home Club Photo Gallery
SIGN    Captain! I'm starting my patrol!! -Sakura
SIGN    Chronicles of the Going Home Club
[12:30] Natsuki
    Hello.
[12:32] Sakura
    Oh, the new recruits are here.
[12:33] Karin
    Yes!
[12:48] Karin
    Senpai, listen to this!
[12:52] Botan
    What is it?
[12:54] Karin
    A girl who was in my class in middle school
[12:56] ---
    said she went to a social mixer recently!
SIGN    Boom
[12:59] Botan
    High school girls are too young for that!
[13:03] Karin
    I agree!
[13:12] Karin
    This is good.
[13:16] Natsuki
    What?
SIGN    Record 7
SIGN    Social Mixer Training
[13:23] Sakura
    A social mixer isn't that unusual, is it?
[13:26] ---
    It was normal at my middle school.
[13:28] Natsuki
    What kind of middle school did you go to?!
[13:31] Claire
    Excuse me...
[13:33] ---
    but what is a social mixer?
[13:35] ---
    I don't know anything about them.
[13:37] Sakura
    Let me explain!
SIGN    What is a Social Mixer?
SIGN    The Going Home Club Explains:
[13:39] Sakura
    A social mixer is an event in
    which several boys and girls
[13:42] ---
    work together toward a common goal,
[13:45] ---
    occasionally clashing, as they
[13:47] ---
    grow up and improve one another.
[13:50] Natsuki
    Is it really something that noble?
[13:52] Sakura
    Incidentally,
[13:55] ---
    in my third year of middle school,
    we sang Die Moldau.
[13:58] Natsuki
    Oh... I was hoping I was wrong...
SIGN    Choral Mixer
[14:01] ---
    but you're thinking of a choral mixer.
[14:04] Sakura
    What?
[14:07] Sakura
    No, oh no... You're talking
    about the other kind?!
[14:10] Sakura
    I'm so embarrassed!
[14:10] Natsuki
    She really mixed them up?
[14:12] ---
    She's surprisingly innocent!
[14:14] Aza
    A social mixer
[14:15] ---
    is a lowbrow event where outgoing men
     and women who've never met before
[14:20] ---
    come together to get better
    acquainted, with the goal of dating.
[14:23] Claire
    Oh, I see.
[14:27] Sakura
    But you know, we are already in high school!
[14:30] ---
    A social mixer could break out at any time,
[14:33] ---
    and we could get caught up in it!
[14:35] Sakura
    Okay! Today, we're going to do
    a social mixer practice drill!
[14:39] Natsuki
    Are social mixers like natural disasters now?!
[14:44] Natsuki
    And so, playing along with
    Sakura-senpai's idea,
SIGN    Playing the Boys
[14:48] ---
    we all drew lots to determine our roles.
SIGN    Playing the Girls
SIGN    Playing waitress/referee
[14:53] Natsuki
    What do you mean, the referee?!
[14:55] ---
    Does a social mixer need one of those?
[14:58] Sakura
    I'll be judging your social mixer etiquette.
[15:02] Natsuki
    But she doesn't have any experience
    with social mixers either...
[15:06] Sakura
    Okay! Social mixer, start!
[15:10] Natsuki
    Saying "Start" doesn't help us much...
[15:12] Botan
    Um... since we're supposed to
    be people who've never met,
[15:17] ---
    maybe we should introduce ourselves?
[15:20] Sakura
    Great job! +10 to Botan-chan!
[15:23] Natsuki
    You're scoring that?!
[15:25] Botan
    My name is Oohagi Botan.
[15:27] ---
    My special skill is earth splitting.
[15:30] Natsuki
    By earth splitting, you mean...
[15:43] Botan
    No, not that.
SIGN    Parting Rivers
[15:55] Natsuki
    You didn't mean earthenware?!
[15:57] Claire
    My name is Kokonoe Claire.
[15:59] ---
    I play a bit of Stradivarius.
[16:02] Natsuki
    Why don't you just say "violin"?!
[16:04] Claire
    I also do tea ceremonies from time to time.
SIGN    Yohen Tenmoku Tea Bowl
[16:09] Natsuki
    Yohen Tenmoku tea bowls are national treasures!
[16:11] ---
    Why do you always call attention to the
    fact that you're on a different plane?
[16:16] Natsuki
    Well, I'm...
[16:17] Sakura
    I've brought you some wasabi octopus!
SIGN    Wasabi Octopus x 4
[16:20] Natsuki
    Right now?! Read the atmosphere, waitress!
SIGN    If you need anything, please press this button.
SIGN    If you need anything, please press the button.
[16:27] Natsuki
    Why is that part so realistic?!
[16:30] Karin
    What's wasabi octopus?
[16:34] Natsuki
    Once again, I'm Andou
    Natsuki. My hobby is...
SIGN    Girlish Appeal
[16:43] Natsuki
    making felt dolls.
SIGN    Natsuki -30
[16:47] Natsuki
    What was I supposed to say?!
[16:51] Karin
    I'm Touno Karin.
[16:53] Karin
    Lately, I enjoy floral-scented baths.
[16:57] Karin
    I'm not very good at studying,
    but my favorite tea is darjeeling.
SIGN    Natsuki -30
SIGN    Karin +120
[17:02] Natsuki
    She got a high score for that?
[17:04] ---
    But I didn't even understand
    that last thing she said!
[17:07] Karin
    By the way, did you know?
[17:09] ---
    In flower language, the Cosmos flower
    represents "a maiden's devotion."
[17:14] Sakura
    What?!
[17:15] ---
    Her Feminine Appeal Level is beyond measure.
[17:18] Natsuki
    What? You're still dragging up that joke?
SIGN    Rain Seal
[17:21] Aza
    Rain seal.
[17:23] Botan
    Well, we finished our introductions.
[17:26] Claire
    So now...
[17:29] Karin
    ...what are we...
[17:31] Natsuki
    ...supposed to do?
SIGN    Wasabi Octopus x8
[17:37] Sakura
    I brought more wasabi octopus!
SIGN    Wasabi Octopus Octopus with Wasabi Wasabi Octopus Octopus with Wasabi Wasabi Octopus
[17:40] Natsuki
    A second wasabi octopus onslaught?!
[17:43] ---
    How desperate is this store to
    push the wasabi octopus?!
[17:45] Sakura
    Well, wasabi octopus is
    the only bar snack I know.
[17:50] Natsuki
    There's a lot of options! Like fried foods!
[17:53] Sakura
    I didn't think of that!
[17:54] Sakura
    Time for a freebie!
SIGN    Freebie
[17:58] Natsuki
    Huh?
[17:59] Sakura
    If you bring up the next topic
    smoothly, you get a high score!
[18:01] Natsuki
    Make it clear if you're the
    waitress or the referee!
[18:06] Claire
    You both have such lovely outfits.
[18:09] ---
    Where do you usually go shopping?
SIGN    Botan +10
    Claire +530,000
    Natsuki -30
[18:12] Natsuki
    That's an incredibly high score!
[18:14] ---
    Your scoring standards make no sense!
[18:18] Botan
    That kind of inflation makes
    this feel like a real battle!
[18:22] Natsuki
    Why does that make her so excited?!
[18:24] ---
    Besides, this isn't even a battle!
[18:27] Karin
    I usually shop locally, but
    sometimes I go to Harajuku, too!
[18:33] Claire
    Oh, really.
[18:40] Girls
    That topic didn't go as far as expected...
SIGN    Wasabi Octopus x8
    Fried Wasabi Octopus x1
[18:43] Sakura
    I brought some fried wasabi octopus!
[18:47] Natsuki
    Why are you so insistent on wasabi octopus?!
[18:49] ---
    Just bring over some ordinary chicken!
[18:51] Sakura
    Oh, I see. That'll work.
SIGN    Unexpected Incident
[18:54] Sakura
    Time for an unexpected incident!
[18:57] Sakura
    Botan-chan spills a drink and loses points!
[19:00] Botan
    What? Random events happen in this, too?
SIGN    Botan -9,600,000 Claire +530,000
[19:05] Natsuki
    What an explosive drop!
[19:07] Botan
    Interesting!
[19:08] Natsuki
    She gets more excited
    the more digits are added!
[19:11] ---
    She's so easy to read!
SIGN    Fried Chicken x1
[19:12] Sakura
    I've brought some fried chicken!
[19:15] Natsuki
    Oh, finally. A proper dish.
SIGN    Fried Chicken x1
SIGN    Put lemon on the fried chicken? Yes / No
[19:20] ---
    Put lemon on the fried chicken?
[19:24] Karin
    Um... I'll choose "Yes."
SIGN    The Lemon has Revealed its True Form!!
[19:29] Sakura
    The lemon has revealed its true form!
[19:31] Sakura
    You look closely and see it's not
     a lemon after all, but a durian!
[19:35] Sakura
    Will this result in a huge drop of score?!
[19:37] Natsuki
    What kind of situation is this?!
[19:39] Botan
    I want to see the manager.
SIGN    Botan +28,000,000 Claire +530,000
[19:45] Natsuki
    She jumped back into the lead with a complaint!
[19:49] Sakura
    Social mixers are a complicated thing.
[19:51] Natsuki
    You're just making it up as you go!
[19:53] Aza
    Blub blub?
[19:55] Sakura
    It's time to wrap it up!
SIGN    Choose who you want to take out!!
[19:59] Claire
    I'm not sure what's going on,
    but I'd like to take Karin-san out.
[20:03] Karin
    Okay!
[20:04] Natsuki
    She's become quite the carnivore.
SIGN    Boom
[20:08] Sakura
    How long do you want
    your takeout to keep?
[20:10] Natsuki
    Don't try to preserve her with dry ice!
[20:12] Aza
    Coming through! Coming through!
[20:14] Sakura
    Now that you've chosen the
    one you'd like to take out,
[20:16] ---
    I will announce the final scores!
SIGN    Botan: +6,840,000,000,000
    Claire: +89,650,000,000,000
SIGN    Natsuki: -30
SIGN    Karin: +9,200,720,195,000,000,000
SIGN    Natsuki: -30
[20:24] Sakura
    The winner is... Karin-chan!
[20:27] Karin
    Hooray?
[20:29] Sakura
    I bestow upon Karin-chan the
    title of "Social Mixer Goddess!"
[20:34] Karin
    Yay?
[20:36] Sakura
    All right!
[20:38] ---
    Now you'll all know what to do if
    you're ever caught up in a social mixer.
[20:41] Botan
    Miss Waitress.
[20:44] Botan
    When do you get off work?
SIGN    Botan: +∞ Claire: +89,650,000,000,000
[20:51] Natsuki
    Hey! You can't make a pass at the waitress!
[22:26] Natsuki
    Sakura-senpai.
[22:29] Natsuki
    I was thinking about it,
    and a chorus made up of boys
[22:32] ---
    and girls would be a mixed
    chorus, not a choral mixer.
SIGN    Mixed Chorus
SIGN    Choral Mixer
[22:35] ---
    You couldn't have confused
    it with a social mixer.
[22:41] ---
    Mixed shock!
SIGN    Preview
[22:46] Sakura
    Sakura here!
[22:47] ---
    I heard aye-ayes have extremely
    long middle fingers
[22:50] ---
    that they use to pull
    grubs out of tree trunks!
[22:53] ---
    Bet it's useful for picking their noses, too!
[22:55] ---
    Next time, Record 8:
    Kill the Suspicious Person!
[22:58] ---
    And others, with a sandwich on the side!