3 - A Smile Is the Ultimate Ambiance

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] YACHIYO
    Team leads, you have the floor.
[00:06] YACHIYO
    Right. It has been almost fifty years since
    our last guest—the first in a century.
[00:14] YACHIYO
    Of course. We waited a whole century once,
    so let's give it another fifty years again.
[00:21] YACHIYO
    Anything else?
[00:24] YACHIYO
    As always, let us welcome our guests
    with a smile today.
[00:29] YACHIYO
    Offer our beloved guests our heartfelt
    hospitality and our brightest smiles.
SIGN    Planned Hot Spring Site
SIGN    Gingarou Hotel
[00:37] EV CHECKER
    Hey, Yachi-YO!
[00:41] EV CHECKER
    Learn to identify a lost cause.
[00:42] EV CHECKER
    You're gonna strike magma
    before a hot spring! Ha!
[00:47] YACHIYO
    You're one to talk when you're still
    carrying out your environmental checks, too.
[00:52] EV CHECKER
    Fair. We're both stupid thingamajigs, you and I.
[00:56] EV CHECKER
    We work and we work, but what
    we're waiting for will never return.
[01:04] EV CHECKER
    What the...?
SIGN    Episode 3
SIGN    m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
SIGN    A Smile Is the Ultimate Ambiance
[02:44] YACHIYO
    Maybe the humans have returned!
[02:46] EV CHECKER
    Yeah, fat chance.
[02:53] YACHIYO
    They look human! Extremely so!
[02:55] EV CHECKER
    You're kidding me!
[03:00] YACHIYO
    See? It must be!
[03:02] YACHIYO
    See? It has to be!
[03:03] EV CHECKER
    That is a very similar form,
    I'll give you that.
[03:07] BUMBUKU
    We are earthlings. Take us to your leader.
[03:12] YACHIYO
    We've been eagerly awaiting your return!
[03:26] BUMBUKU
    My name is Bumbuku Procione.
[03:28] BUMBUKU
    An earthling, as you can see.
[03:31] BUMBUKU
    The female here is my wife.
[03:33] MAMI
    I'm Mami. Also an earthling.
[03:36] BUMBUKU
    The young female is our daughter.
[03:38] PONKO
    I'm Ponko! An earthling!
[03:42] BUMBUKU
    The young male is our son.
[03:44] FUGURI
    I'm Fuguri. A Tanukian.
[03:48] MAMI
    Hey, Fuguri!
[03:49] PONKO
    We're supposed to be earthlings, remember?
[03:51] FUGURI
    But you always say you'll dump wood
    on my head and light it on fire if I lie!
[03:55] MAMI
    This is an exception. No fire today.
[03:58] BUMBUKU
    What's going on here?
    I told you to drill it into him!
[04:01] MAMI
    And I did. This is your fault
    for always threatening the poor lad.
[04:05] PONKO
    Look your big sis in the eye, Fuguri!
[04:07] PONKO
    Say it, or you'll die in the wild!
    You wanna live, don't you?
[04:10] FUGURI
    I don't wanna die!
[04:12] PONKO
    Then you know what to do.
    I-am-an-earth-ling!
[04:17] MUJINA
    Huddle!
[04:23] FUGURI
    I'm Fuguri, an earthling.
[04:26] FUGURI
    I don't wanna die in the wild! I wanna live!
[04:30] EV CHECKER
    Uh, we see your tail, babeh.
[04:35] PONKO
    My li'l bro's an earthling!
[04:38] EV CHECKER
    And you've even got leaves
    stuck on your heads...
[04:41] PONKO
    Earthling!
[04:41] FUGURI
    Earthling!
[04:42] MUJINA
    These kids...
[04:46] MUJINA
    call me their grandmother.
[04:48] MUJINA
    The name is Mujina.
[04:51] MUJINA
    We, the Procione family,
[04:55] MUJINA
    are clearly, obviously all...
[04:58] MUJINA
    earthlings, and nary a thing else!
[05:01] EV CHECKER
    Wow, some matriarchal pressure
    from the grandmother.
[05:04] YACHIYO
    You have a big family!
[05:06] YACHIYO
    If you haven't decided on a place to stay yet,
[05:09] YACHIYO
    our hotel is ready to welcome you.
[05:13] BUMBUKU
    Oh, you run a hotel? That's perfect.
[05:17] BUMBUKU
    We were in a bind because our
    spaceship got badly damaged.
[05:22] YACHIYO
    We can show you to your room at once.
[05:26] EV CHECKER
    I think you should double check, babeh.
[05:30] YACHIYO
    You do have a point.
[05:35] YACHIYO
    Ladies and gentlemen.
[05:36] BUMBUKUMAMIPONKO
    Yes?!
[05:38] YACHIYO
    Do you have money to pay for your stay?
[05:40] BUMBUKU
    Of course we do! We're earthlings!
[05:43] YACHIYO
    Please follow me, then.
[05:47] EV CHECKER
    You're on your own, babeh.
[05:52] YACHIYO
    Welcome to our hotel.
[05:55] BUMBUKU
    Wow, that is one big building.
[05:58] MAMI
    I can hardly believe
    we're on a backwater planet.
[06:01] FUGURI
    I wanna burrow in a hole.
[06:04] PONKO
    Make do and live wherever you can!
[06:07] DOORMAN
    Missy, it can't be...
[06:10] YACHIYO
    It is.
[06:11] YACHIYO
    We have human guests. A whole group of them.
[06:15] DOORMAN
    I've got you. I'll show them the greatest
    door opening they've ever seen.
[06:34] YACHIYO
    Welcome to the Gingarou Hotel.
[06:37] YACHIYO
    I'm Yachiyo, the acting acting manager here.
[06:41] MUJINA
    Thank you for having us.
[06:43] PONKO
    Thank you for having us.
[06:47] YACHIYO
    Please fill out this registration card.
[06:51] BUMBUKU
    Oh? Is this some kind of a test?
[06:55] YACHIYO
    What do you mean?
[06:57] BUMBUKU
    I did practice how to write, just in case.
[07:12] PONKO
    Hey, stop that!
[07:14] FUGURI
    He stopped moving.
[07:16] PONKO
    Huh?
[07:17] PONKO
    Hello?
[07:21] FUGURI
    Huh?
[07:23] BUMBUKU
    Done.
[07:24] YACHIYO
    Thank you kindly.
SIGN    bUnBuKu pr0c1oNe
[07:32] YACHIYO
    Let's lock in your room, then.
[07:35] YACHIYO
    How long will you be staying with us?
[07:37] BUMBUKU
    Let's say about 300 days... for starters.
[07:40] YACHIYO
    Our long-term stay plan, then?
[07:42] BUMBUKU
    Right.
[07:42] YACHIYO
    In that case, we'll have to ask
    for an advance deposit.
[07:46] BUMBUKU
    Sure.
[07:47] YACHIYO
    For a 300-day stay, a month's fees should...
[07:50] BUMBUKU
    A week, then.
[07:51] YACHIYO
    Excuse me?
[07:52] BUMBUKU
    We'll stay a week.
[07:55] YACHIYO
    Understood.
[07:56] YACHIYO
    For your family, you can
    either book two regular rooms
[08:00] YACHIYO
    or one large suite room, though that may
    prove to be a little more expensive.
[08:05] BUMBUKU
    The bigger, the better.
[08:07] YACHIYO
    Our payment network is down.
[08:09] YACHIYO
    Is it all right if we ask you to pay in cash?
[08:13] BUMBUKU
    Of course it is. We're earthlings!
[08:16] YACHIYO
    Allow us to bring your belongings
    up to your room, then.
[08:22] MAMI
    Time to go, Ponko, Fuguri.
[08:24] FUGURI
    Hup! Hup! Hup!
[08:26] PONKO
    Hi-yah!
[08:27] EV CHECKER
    Enough!
[08:42] YACHIYO
    What the...
[08:44] YACHIYO
    So they aren't humans.
[08:45] EV CHECKER
    Told ya so.
[08:49] YACHIYO
    Tanukians, you say?
[08:52] BUMBUKU
    That would be the closest
    equivalent in your language, yes.
[08:56] BUMBUKU
    Please don't make hot pot out of us!
[08:58] YACHIYO
    Rest assured, we won't eat you.
[09:00] EV CHECKER
    So, were you headed somewhere else?
[09:03] BUMBUKU
    No, Earth was our destination all along,
[09:07] BUMBUKU
    because the climate here
    is similar to our home planet's.
[09:10] PONKO
    We lost our home.
[09:14] YACHIYO
    What does that mean?
[09:17] MAMI
    A massive turf war broke out on our planet,
[09:20] MAMI
    forcing us to flee for our lives.
[09:24] BUMBUKU
    We learned about Earth while we were
    looking for somewhere to seek asylum
[09:29] BUMBUKU
    and thought we might have the chance
    for a peaceful life here.
[09:32] MAMI
    But our spaceship broke down,
    and then we ran into you guys here.
[09:39] (Flashback) BUMBUKU
    It's do or die. We're earthlings
    from this moment on!
[09:45] YACHIYO
    That's why you lied about being humans?
[09:48] MUJINA
    We apologize for not telling you the truth.
    We're terribly sorry.
[09:53] MUJINA
    We just wanted the kids to grow up
    around nature and not inside of a ship.
[10:00] BUMBUKU
    Please, we beg of you!
[10:02] BUMBUKU
    Could you please let us stay here
    until we fix our spaceship?!
[10:10] YACHIYO
    Our hotel has been welcoming
    extraterrestrial guests for fifty years now.
[10:16] YACHIYO
    So you have no need to worry.
[10:19] ALL
    Thank you so much!
[10:21] PONKO
    Thank you so much!
[10:23] YACHIYO
    You're quite fluent in our language, though.
[10:26] EV CHECKER
    And you happen to know a lot.
[10:29] PONKO
    We studied up on a ship from Earth!
[10:31] YACHIYO
    What? Really?
[10:33] PONKO
    Yep!
[10:34] PONKO
    It was right before we came here!
[10:42] YACHIYO
    Did they say when they would be back?
[10:45] PONKO
    Huh?
[10:45] YACHIYO
    We've been awaiting their return forever!
[10:58] BUMBUKU
    I don't think we discussed that, really.
[11:02] MAMI
    We didn't really understand
    your languages back then.
[11:06] BUMBUKU
    We only picked up so much because we continued
    to study after splitting up with them.
[11:12] YACHIYO
    I see.
[11:17] YACHIYO
    But just hearing that information
    gives me strength!
[11:21] YACHIYO
    Thank you very much!
[11:26] YACHIYO
    Acting Acting Manager's log, day 55,278.
[11:31] YACHIYO
    Today, at 3:27 PM,
[11:34] YACHIYO
    we learned from a group of extraterrestrial
    guests that humanity is alive and well.
[11:44] YACHIYO
    We will remain on standby
    for humanity's return.
SIGN    A Smile Is the Ultimate Ambiance
[11:59] YACHIYO
    Thank you.
[12:03] YACHIYO
    I'll take over now.
[12:06] EV CHECKER
    Hey.
[12:08] EV CHECKER
    Check it out.
[12:09] PONKOFUGURI
    Whoop-de-do!
[12:14] FUGURIPONKO
    Whoopity do!
[12:17] FUGURI
    Whoop...
[12:21] PONKO
    ...de-do!
[12:22] PONKOFUGURI
    Whoop-de-do!
[12:28] EV CHECKER
    They may be guests,
[12:30] EV CHECKER
    but you can't let them run wild
    without a talking-to, babeh.
[12:38] PONKOFUGURI
    Whoop-de-do!
[12:43] YACHIYO
    Miss Ponko, Master Fuguri.
[12:46] PONKO
    Oh, hey, Yachiyo!
[12:47] PONKO
    Look, Fuguri caught a big haul!
[12:51] YACHIYO
    Where are your parents?
[12:52] PONKO
    Holed up in our room like they
    always are during the daytime.
[12:56] PONKO
    Tanukians are timid folk.
    'Cept for us two, since we grew up in space.
[13:01] YACHIYO
    Is that so?
[13:03] YACHIYO
    Well, this is a shared space
    for all our guests,
[13:05] YACHIYO
    so please refrain from disruptive behavior.
[13:07] PONKO
    What? We can't take a dip?
[13:10] YACHIYO
    Correct. Also, the fish in that
    aquarium are not for eating.
[13:14] PONKO
    Ack!
[13:22] PONKO
    We're sorry.
[13:24] FUGURI
    I don't wanna die in the wild.
[13:28] YACHIYO
    You may stay here, as long as you behave.
[13:32] FUGURI
    Will you play with us?
[13:34] YACHIYO
    That is not possible. I am at work.
[13:37] PONKO
    What work?
[13:39] YACHIYO
    I handle all sorts of tasks around this hotel.
[13:42] PONKO
    All sorts?
[13:44] FUGURI
    What sorts?
[13:49] PONKO
    What task are you doing now, Yachiyo?
[13:52] YACHIYO
    I'm waiting to receive our guests.
[13:54] PONKO
    Huh. Is it fun?
[13:57] YACHIYO
    Very much so.
    It's a task that holds great value.
[14:00] PONKO
    Oh?
[14:02] YACHIYO
    If we hit a hot spring, our hotel
    will have an additional selling point.
[14:06] YACHIYO
    The view from here will be great, too.
[14:08] PONKO
    If this planet's so cool,
    why'd everyone leave?
[14:12] FUGURI
    The animals're still around.
[14:15] YACHIYO
    A highly mutable virus that only
    affected primates spread across the globe.
[14:21] PONKO
    Yeah?
[14:27] PONKO
    You change them even though
    they haven't been used?
[14:29] YACHIYO
    Yes.
[14:30] YACHIYO
    It is our duty to ensure
    that each room in this hotel
[14:33] YACHIYO
    is maintained in the best possible
    condition for all our guests.
[14:38] PONKO
    Every day until the earthlings return?
[14:41] YACHIYO
    And every day after they return.
[14:44] PONKO
    Would it have been better
    if we'd been earthlings?
[14:48] YACHIYO
    No, our hotel considers
    Tanukians valuable guests too.
[14:53] YACHIYO
    We're delighted to have you.
[14:55] PONKO
    Yeah?
[15:04] YACHIYO
    Huh? In the hallway?
[15:13] YACHIYO
    This is... poop.
[15:33] PONKO
    Coming!
[15:35] PONKO
    Oh, Yachiyo! Come on in!
[15:38] YACHIYO
    Excuse me.
[15:43] YACHIYO
    What do you think you're doing?!
[15:46] BUMBUKU
    Oh, we're making a latrine.
[15:49] YACHIYO
    Latrine?
[15:50] MAMI
    We have to mark our territory clearly
    so everybody else can see.
[15:55] MUJINA
    We can't have a turf war breaking out here.
[15:59] YACHIYO
    That won't happen!
[16:01] YACHIYO
    You are the only guests
    staying in this hotel right now.
[16:05] BUMBUKU
    What?
[16:07] MAMI
    Nobody else?
[16:09] YACHIYO
    Right.
[16:14] MAMI
    Wish you'd told us sooner.
    We wouldn't have had to build a latrine.
[16:19] YACHIYO
    Please refrain from building latrines
    even when we do have other guests.
[16:22] ALL
    What? We can't?
[16:26] BUMBUKU
    We're very sorry.
[16:28] YACHIYO
    That said, I don't intend to refuse
    everything for the sake of it.
[16:31] YACHIYO
    Fifty years ago, we entertained
    an extraterrestrial guest
[16:36] YACHIYO
    and learned that different planets
    have different habits and customs.
[16:39] BUMBUKU
    Is that so?
[16:42] YACHIYO
    It may not be possible now,
[16:44] YACHIYO
    but we would like to be more accommodating
    of your latrines in the future.
[16:48] BUMBUKU
    Oh? Oho?
[16:51] BUMBUKU
    Huddle!
[16:54] BUMBUKU
    You wish to accommodate your guests better.
    That's an admirable mindset.
[17:00] YACHIYO
    Thank you kindly.
[17:05] YACHIYO
    Huh?
[17:09] YACHIYO
    Please stop this at once!
[17:11] BUMBUKU
    But we prefer dark and dirty places.
[17:14] BUMBUKU
    Just a habit.
[17:19] YACHIYO
    Please don't run down the hallways
    this late at night. It's dangerous.
[17:23] MAMI
    Just a habit.
    Besides, there's nobody else here.
[17:28] YACHIYO
    Please don't eat vegetables
    right out of our fields!
[17:31] MUJINA
    It's just a habit, we're afraid.
[17:35] YACHIYO
    This is a problem.
[17:37] EV CHECKER
    Want me to get rid of 'em
    for the environment's sake?
[17:40] YACHIYO
    Don't.
[17:44] YACHIYO
    Huh?
[17:51] EV CHECKER
    Oh, come on now.
[17:55] PONKO
    Coming! Dun, dun-da-dun,
    is a festival happening?
[18:00] PONKO
    Hey, Yachiyo!
[18:06] BUMBUKU
    Welcome. And thank you
    for making our stay so comfortable.
[18:12] YACHIYO
    What are these holes?
[18:14] BUMBUKU
    You said there weren't any other guests,
    so we expanded our den a little.
[18:19] MAMI
    Honestly, I'd prefer
    to have a lot more plants.
[18:23] MAMI
    Perhaps we'll ask you
    to bring us some as room service.
[18:28] PONKO
    Makes your job easier, right?
[18:32] YACHIYO
    And the filth in this room?
[18:34] BUMBUKU
    Filth? How rude.
[18:37] BUMBUKU
    Our planet is like this everywhere.
[18:40] BUMBUKU
    We held back on building latrines
    in the halls, so let us have this.
[18:45] MAMI
    We don't feel comfortable
    without our scents in the air.
[18:50] PONKO
    You don't have to change
    our linens anymore, okay?
[18:55] YACHIYO
    Flycatcher Robot!
[18:56] BUMBUKU
    Oh, sorry about that.
[18:58] BUMBUKU
    It was trying to forcibly clean up our room.
[19:02] BUMBUKU
    You said you would be accommodating of our
    customs, but this stupid robot wouldn't.
[19:09] BUMBUKU
    How intolerant, huh?
[19:13] FUGURI
    Can we make this robot our toy
    if it can't get fixed?
[19:33] YACHIYOAI
    Extra Mission "Attack a Guest" complete.
SIGN    Easter Egg Program
    Extra Mission
    "Attack a Guest" complete.
    New function "Fireworks" unlocked.
[19:37] YACHIYOAI
    New function "Fireworks" unlocked.
[19:42] BUMBUKU
    Uh, your head's on fire.
[19:44] YACHIYO
    Shut up! Sit down and listen!
[19:51] MAMI
    Wh-Wh-What are you playing at?
    We're your guests!
[19:55] YACHIYO
    That doesn't mean you can do anything
    and everything you want!
[19:59] YACHIYO
    My job is to keep this hotel in its best shape,
[20:02] YACHIYO
    and if I have to slug a guest to do it,
[20:04] YACHIYO
    then so be it!
[20:05] YACHIYO
    We offer our beloved guests
[20:07] YACHIYO
    our heartfelt hospitality
[20:10] YACHIYO
    and our brightest smiles!
[20:12] YACHIYO
    Welcome to the Gingarou Hotel!
[20:35] YACHIYO
    Thank you. I'll take over now.
[20:38] EV CHECKER
    Hey.
[20:40] EV CHECKER
    Check it out.
[20:46] YACHIYO
    What are you doing, Miss Ponko?
[20:49] PONKO
    Good morning. I'm cleaning.
[20:52] YACHIYO
    I can see that. I'm asking you why.
[20:56] PONKO
    I wanna help out around the hotel.
[20:59] PONKO
    Because we were bad to you.
[21:02] PONKO
    Let me work here! You don't have to pay me.
[21:07] YACHIYO
    And your family?
[21:08] PONKO
    They're cleaning up our room and stuff.
[21:12] YACHIYO
    But that's our job.
[21:15] YACHIYO
    Besides, you're still a child.
[21:17] YACHIYO
    Earth laws stipulate a minimum age
    for joining the workforce.
[21:21] PONKO
    How old do I have to be?
[21:26] YACHIYO
    Our hotel regulations define this
    minimum to be 15 years of age.
[21:33] PONKO
    I'm 54!
[21:35] YACHIYO
    So you can work.
[21:36] PONKO
    Hooray!
[21:39] PONKO
    I'm Ponko, and I'll be joining
    the team starting today.
[21:43] PONKO
    I look forward to working with you!
[21:48] EV CHECKER
    Ha.
[21:50] PONKO
    Our heartfelt Gingarou is the brightest smile!
[21:53] YACHIYO
    That's not quite right.
SIGN    Translation: Sriram Gurunathan
SIGN    Editing & Typesetting: Geoff Mazzolini
SIGN    Subtitle Timing: Mariana Martinez