12 - Aim to Be the Number One Hotel in the Galaxy

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:44] PONKO
    Yachiyo! How did you like your time off?
[00:48] YACHIYO
    I felt alive.
[00:50] PONKO
    Great. I'm happy for you.
[00:52] YACHIYO
    I'm done with my time off.
    Let me change into my uniform.
[00:55] PONKO
    Huh? W-Wait a minute!
[00:57] PONKO
    You're getting back to work already?!
SIGN    Episode 12
SIGN    m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
SIGN    Aim to Be the Number One
    Hotel in the Galaxy
[01:01] YACHIYO
    I'm back.
[01:07] PONKO
    You know a day off means
    the whole day, right?
[01:10] YACHIYO
    The break gave me extra motivation
    to get back to work.
[01:15] PONKO
    I dunno if that time off
    served its purpose...
[01:18] DOORMAN
    We have a guest.
[01:30] YACHIYO
    We must ask you not to brandish
    lethal weapons within the hotel premises.
[01:34] IORI
    Oh...
[01:36] IORI
    S-Sorry about that.
[01:41] YACHIYO
    Um, did you just speak an Earth language?
[01:48] IORI
    Well, strictly speaking, I am an earthling.
[01:52] PONKO
    What?!
[01:54] PONKO
    E-E-Earth... Really?!
[01:54] IORI
    It's my first visit to Earth, though.
[01:57] PONKO
    Sniff, sniff. Not a tanuki!
[01:59] PONKO
    We got a real-deal earthling!
[02:02] PONKO
    No way! For real? Hooray!
[02:05] PONKO
    Look, Yachiyo! Isn't this amazing?
[02:09] YACHIYO
    We've been eagerly awaiting your return.
[02:13] PONKO
    Very eagerly!
[02:16] IORI
    Th-Thank you very much.
[02:20] YACHIYO
    Are you here by yourself?
[02:22] IORI
    Yes. On a solo mission.
[02:25] YACHIYO
    When will the rest of humanity return?
[02:28] IORI
    Huh?
[02:30] IORI
    I don't know about that.
[02:32] IORI
    I'm just here to survey Earth's current state.
[02:38] YACHIYO
    "Survey"?
[02:39] IORI
    Our data said there were no intelligent
    life forms left on Earth, so I was shocked.
[02:44] IORI
    I'm amazed it still has a civilization—
    and I'm even more amazed it still has humans.
[02:51] YACHIYO
    No. There are no humans left on Earth.
[02:54] YACHIYO
    You're the only one here.
[02:56] IORI
    Huh?
[02:57] YACHIYO
    I'm Yachiyo, a hotelier robot.
[03:01] PONKO
    Ponko here. I'm a Tanukian.
[03:06] YACHIYO
    Miss, this is a hotel.
[03:09] YACHIYO
    Would you like to stay with us and see?
[03:14] YACHIYO
    Please fill out this registration card.
[03:16] IORI
    O-Okay.
[03:24] IORI
    Will this do?
[03:28] YACHIYO
    Thank you kindly.
SIGN    Tomari Iori
SIGN    Gender
SIGN    F
SIGN    Age
SIGN    Room F-24, Wing A-13, NRM District 09, Spaceship J-13
SIGN    Japanese
[03:31] YACHIYO
    Allow me to show you
    to your room, Ms. Tomari.
[03:37] YACHIYO
    This is your room for the night.
[03:41] IORI
    This whole space is for an individual?!
[03:43] YACHIYO
    I must also inform you that we have
    a spacesuit cleaning facility at this hotel.
[03:49] IORI
    I'll die if I take this off, so...
[03:51] YACHIYO
    Oh, right. My apologies.
[03:56] IORI
    Soft.
[03:58] IORI
    So this,
[03:59] IORI
    this,
[04:02] IORI
    and this... they're all free for me to use?
[04:05] YACHIYO
    Are things different on your present planet?
[04:08] IORI
    We don't have a planet.
[04:11] YACHIYO
    Where do you reside?
[04:13] IORI
    Interstellar arks.
[04:16] IORI
    After leaving Earth,
[04:18] IORI
    we tried several times to take up
    residence on other planets.
[04:24] IORI
    But due to issues with water, temperature,
    atmosphere, and other things,
[04:28] IORI
    we still haven't found a new home.
[04:33] IORI
    Everything on board is controlled
    by our life-support systems.
[04:38] IORI
    And I'd only ever seen blue skies,
    blue seas, and big landforms
[04:42] IORI
    in research documents before I landed here.
[04:48] IORI
    I was sent on a scouting mission to Earth
    to check the possibility of living here again.
[04:56] IORI
    However...
[04:57] IORI
    When I crash-landed, the impact
    broke my virus scanner.
[05:02] YACHIYO
    If that's the case, let me offer you
    my support as concierge.
[05:06] IORI
    Huh?
[05:07] IORI
    Thank you.
[05:09] IORI
    Hey!
[05:10] IORI
    I-I-Is that... a sh-shampoo hat?!
[05:13] YACHIYO
    Indeed!
[05:14] YACHIYO
    Our specialty shampoo hats are what
    truly make the Gingarou Hotel what it is!
[05:19] IORI
    But I can't take this suit off,
    so I can't use it.
[05:22] YACHIYO
    You may use it on top of your spacesuit.
[05:24] IORI
    That seems kind of pointless.
[05:26] YACHIYO
    But it is possible.
[05:27] IORI
    I also can't exactly shower.
[05:29] YACHIYO
    Why not give it a try anyway?
[05:33] PONKO
    So humanity really returned, huh?
[05:36] YACHIYO
    It's just one survey mission.
[05:38] PONKO
    But if that survey says it's okay,
    they'll all come back!
[05:45] YACHIYO
    Yes, you do have a point.
[05:48] PONKO
    Yachiyo?
[05:49] YACHIYO
    I'm just wondering if that guest
    truly is an earthling.
[05:55] PONKO
    Huh? Why? She wasn't a Tanukian.
[05:59] YACHIYO
    I must be having doubts because she turned
    down the chance to use a shampoo hat.
[06:04] YACHIYO
    Any human would leap at the opportunity.
[06:08] PONKO
    Are we even sure that's true?
[06:11] YACHIYO
    Either way,
[06:12] YACHIYO
    you've all helped me see the day
    when I received a human guest again.
[06:18] YACHIYO
    Thank you, truly.
[06:21] PONKO
    No one's worked harder
    to make this happen than you.
[06:24] PONKO
    It's been a long road.
[06:27] PONKO
    I wonder if she'll come to like our hotel.
[06:30] YACHIYO
    Of that, I have no doubt.
[06:33] YACHIYO
    Because our hotel is a magical place.
[06:35] PONKO
    Yeah.
[06:41] YACHIYO
    And that's the announcement.
[06:42] YACHIYO
    As of last night, a human guest
    is staying with us.
[06:46] TAMAKO
    I wanna see a real-deal human!
[06:50] YACHIYO
    Don't get too excited.
[06:51] YACHIYO
    As usual, we'll provide every single one of
    our guests the attention they deserve.
[06:55] TAMAKO
    'Kay!
[06:56] TAMAKO
    Just you wait, human.
[06:58] TAMAKO
    You'll soon learn how scary
    Tamako's service can be!
[07:00] TAMAKO
    One, two!
[07:01] YACHIYO
    Proceeding to recite
    the Twelve Commandments of Gingarou.
[07:04] ALL
    First: Aim to be the number one
    hotel in the galaxy.
[07:08] ALL
    Second: Food and etiquette
    are mainstays of culture.
[07:11] DOORMAN
    Third: Bookmark today's page
    in our guests' lives.
[07:16] ALL
    Fourth: A smile is the ultimate ambiance.
[07:19] ALL
    Fifth: Our only vice is service.
[07:22] ALL
    Sixth: Tradition evolves with
    innovation and experimentation.
[07:26] ALL
    Seventh: Clean sheets symbolize pure hearts.
[07:30] ALL
    Eighth: Provide unlimited
    hospitality in limited time.
[07:35] ALL
    Ninth: Bow down deep but always aim high.
[07:39] ALL
    Tenth: Discipline with a fist!
    Reconcile with a high five!
[07:43] ALL
    Eleventh: Wag your tail,
    but never wag a shift!
[07:47] ALL
    Twelfth: A true hotel is always storied.
[07:51] YACHIYO
    As always, let us welcome our guests
    with a smile today.
[07:55] YACHIYO
    We offer our beloved guests
[07:57] YACHIYO
    our heartfelt hospitality and our
    brightest smiles, every single day.
[08:06] IORI
    Thank you for offering to help.
[08:09] BUMBUKU
    No problem. I'm retired,
    so I have all the time in the world.
[08:13] MAMI
    We destroyed our spaceship
    landing on Earth, too.
[08:17] MAMI
    Yachiyo and her staff
    were a real help back then.
[08:21] FUGURI
    And I'm just a struggling artanuki.
    I'll do anything to help!
SIGN    Cherry Road
[08:24] TAMAKO
    I may help, too!
[08:26] IORI
    Thank you all so much.
[08:28] BUMBUKU
    This won't get the job done.
    It needs replacing.
[08:31] IORI
    I'm impressed you can tell.
[08:33] BUMBUKU
    Oh, yeah. I've tinkered with this exact
    type of spaceship once before.
[08:38] IORI
    Huh? You've been on an Earth spaceship?
[08:42] BUMBUKU
    Oh! Uh, I guess!
[08:44] BUMBUKU
    The people on board were all dea—
[08:47] BUMBUKU
    all dearly pleasant.
[08:52] BUMBUKU
    We even sent a satellite into space
    via rocket launch.
[08:56] BUMBUKU
    That was a great learning experience, too.
SIGN    % Match
[08:58] IORI
    You must be a very talented engineer.
[08:59] YACHIYO
    She really is human.
[09:01] FUGURI
    My sister designed the thing, though.
[09:02] YACHIYO
    Then why?
[09:03] IORI
    By the way, what did you
    mean by "artanuki"?
[09:07] MAMI
    Are you okay, Yachiyo?!
[09:08] TAMAKO
    That sounded like pain!
[09:10] YACHIYO
    I appear to be having system troubles.
[09:12] FUGURI
    Hey, that's not good!
    You need to take breaks!
[09:16] FUGURI
    Labor law and all that!
    The board can be real sticklers!
SIGN    m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
SIGN    The Ten Commandments of Gingarou
    
    1. Aim to be the number one hotel in the galaxy.
    2. Food and etiquette are mainstays of culture.
    3. Bookmark today's page in our guests' lives.
    4. A smile is the ultimate ambiance.
    5. Our only vice is service.
    6. Tradition evolves with innovation and experimentation.
    7. Clean sheets symbolize pure hearts.
    8. Provide unlimited hospitality in limited time.
    9. Bow down deep but always aim high.
    10. A true hotel is always storied.
    
    President, Gingarou Hotel
SIGN    No Issues Detected
SIGN    No Issues Detected
[09:24] YACHIYO
    No parts needing urgent replacement.
[09:28] YACHIYO
    What's happening to me?
[09:38] PONKO
    Huh?
[09:39] PONKO
    Yachiyo?!
[09:58] YACHIYO
    I've brought you water for your
    cooling tank, Doorman Robot.
[10:01] DOORMAN
    Thanks, missy,
[10:04] DOORMAN
    but that's the 26th time today.
[10:12] DOORMAN
    Thinking clearly yet?
[10:16] YACHIYO
    I apologize. My AI's been distracted lately.
[10:23] DOORMAN
    I'll perform a door divination for you,
    just this once.
[10:28] DOORMAN
    It opens. It opens not.
[10:31] DOORMAN
    It opens. It opens not.
[10:33] DOORMAN
    It opens. It opens not.
[10:35] DOORMAN
    It opens. It opens not.
[10:38] DOORMAN
    It opens. It opens not.
[10:41] DOORMAN
    It... o... pens!
[10:49] DOORMAN
    See?
[10:57] TAMAKO
    The hotel's first-ever extraterrestrial guest
    left that here as gift.
[11:01] PONKO
    It was a lot smaller than even her at first.
[11:05] IORI
    And now it's grown so much.
[11:07] IORI
    It's mystical.
[11:08] EV CHECKER
    Yo, earthling!
    Been waitin' to see ya, babeh!
[11:12] TAMAKO
    It's Babeh-boo!
[11:13] EV CHECKER
    How ya doin', Ponpokos?
[11:16] EV CHECKER
    Where's Yachi-YO?
[11:17] PONKO
    She's been bugging out a little.
[11:20] EV CHECKER
    Well, that sucks. She's usually on her game.
[11:23] PONKO
    She wanted me to ask you to help
    our guest with her survey.
[11:28] EV CHECKER
    Well, you asked the right bot!
[11:29] EV CHECKER
    Ain't no one better for the job
    than yours truly!
[11:32] EV CHECKER
    Ha!
[11:41] YACHIYO
    I really must be malfunctioning.
SIGN    Aim to Be the Number One Hotel in the Galaxy
[12:12] IORI
    Beautiful.
[12:16] EV CHECKER
    Take this.
[12:18] EV CHECKER
    It's a record of all my environmental checks
    from the day humanity left Earth to now.
[12:24] IORI
    What?
[12:25] IORI
    The whole time?
[12:27] EV CHECKER
    Never missed a day.
[12:29] IORI
    Thank you so much!
[12:31] IORI
    You don't know how much
    this data means to humanity!
[12:35] EV CHECKER
    And now, my job is done.
[12:39] EV CHECKER
    Go ahead and take off that spacesuit.
[12:42] IORI
    Huh?
[12:43] EV CHECKER
    Earth is safe now.
[12:45] EV CHECKER
    It's free of the virus
    that threatened the human race.
[12:49] IORI
    Uh... What do you mean?
[12:53] EV CHECKER
    We have this thing to thank for it.
[12:56] IORI
    Is that the same plant that
    was in the Gingarou's aquarium?
[12:59] EV CHECKER
    Earth is back to how it used to be,
    back when you lived here and prospered.
[13:05] EV CHECKER
    In fact, the air may be cleaner
    than at any other point in history.
[13:10] EV CHECKER
    The source?
[13:11] EV CHECKER
    Me!
[13:14] EV CHECKER
    So, yeah.
[13:15] EV CHECKER
    You don't need that spacesuit anymore.
[13:53] EV CHECKER
    I'm glad I was able to pass on
    that news to you.
[13:57] EV CHECKER
    That alone makes it all worth it, babeh.
[14:06] YACHIYO
    Humanity's finally back,
[14:10] YACHIYO
    and yet I...
[14:13] YACHIYO
    I...
[14:35] PONKO
    Yachiyo?!
[14:37] YACHIYO
    Ponko! I broke!
[14:40] DOORMAN
    What?!
[14:41] IORI
    Yachiyo, Ponko!
    I can take my spacesuit off!
[14:44] PONKO
    Huh?
[14:45] IORI
    I can even use a shampoo hat!
[14:46] EV CHECKER
    Calm down, human!
[14:48] PONKO
    Uh, Yachiyo first! What part's broken?
[14:50] YACHIYO
    Nothing's broken!
    That's what makes it so bad!
[14:53] IORI
    Look! I can breathe the air
    here now! It's all good!
[14:56] PONKO
    Huh?
[14:57] YACHIYO
    It's all bad for me!
[14:58] IORI
    It's all right now!
[15:00] IORI
    We can live on this planet again...
[15:03] IORI
    Achoo.
[15:20] YACHIYO
    Ms. Tomari?
[15:22] IORI
    Yachiyo?
[15:24] YACHIYO
    I apologize for losing my cool the other day.
[15:28] YACHIYO
    After you collapsed in the lobby,
[15:30] YACHIYO
    we had this doctor here look after you.
[15:33] PONSTIN
    It seems you've suffered
    a severe allergic reaction.
[15:37] IORI
    But isn't the virus gone?
[15:40] EV CHECKER
    It sounds like you guys
    are the ones who changed.
[15:44] IORI
    Huh?
[15:45] EV CHECKER
    Humans have grown to be incompatible
    with Earth's atmosphere.
[15:53] IORI
    No...
[15:59] PONKO
    I'm glad she's stable now.
[16:01] YACHIYO
    Yes. Ponstin did really well.
[16:04] PONKO
    Want him to take a look at you too?
[16:06] YACHIYO
    Huh?
[16:07] PONKO
    You've been acting strange ever
    since the human guest showed up.
[16:11] YACHIYO
    Right...
[16:13] PONKO
    What's the matter?
[16:15] YACHIYO
    I'm not happy about it.
[16:19] YACHIYO
    We finally received a human guest again—
[16:22] YACHIYO
    the very thing we've waited centuries for—
[16:24] YACHIYO
    and yet I'm not especially happy about it.
[16:29] YACHIYO
    I worked as a hotelier robot all this time
    to keep my promise with the owner.
[16:36] YACHIYO
    He never returned, even after many
    human lifespans' worth of time passed.
[16:43] YACHIYO
    But I still wanted to wait here
    for human guests to return.
[16:49] YACHIYO
    That was how I could keep my promise
    to the owner, who left us in charge.
[16:55] YACHIYO
    And yet...
[16:57] YACHIYO
    I only felt the same delight that I already
    get from extraterrestrial guests.
[17:04] YACHIYO
    I must be broken beyond repair.
[17:10] PONKO
    What's wrong with that?
[17:12] YACHIYO
    Sorry?
[17:12] PONKO
    What that means is that, in the
    centuries since humans left Earth,
[17:18] PONKO
    extraterrestrial guests have come to be
    just as important as human guests to you.
[17:27] PONKO
    It makes sense. You're a hotelier.
[17:30] PONKO
    There's nothing weird about that!
[17:34] YACHIYO
    You mean I'm not malfunctioning?
[17:37] PONKO
    Exactly.
[17:38] PONKO
    You've served both human guests and
    extraterrestrial guests for so long.
[17:44] PONKO
    I think that's a much more impressive feat
    than keeping your promise to the owner!
[18:04] YACHIYO
    Ms. Tomari.
[18:06] YACHIYO
    How are you feeling?
[18:08] IORI
    A lot better, thanks to the tanuki doctor.
[18:12] IORI
    I'm thinking of leaving today.
[18:16] IORI
    Earth no longer belongs to us.
[18:22] IORI
    Before I leave, let me experience
    what the extraterrestrial guests do...
[18:27] IORI
    and have a meal here at your hotel.
[18:33] YACHIYO
    Certainly.
[18:38] YACHIYO
    Your A5 Nudel hamburg steak.
[18:41] IORI
    Nudel? That Nudel?!
[18:43] YACHIYO
    Yes. We've succeeded in culturing them
    after a guest gave us a larval form.
[18:48] YACHIYO
    Enjoy your meal.
[19:04] IORI
    Nice and hot.
[19:06] YACHIYO
    Here you are.
[19:10] BALLOON ALIEN
    This is delightful, truly!
[19:25] IORI
    Thank you for having me.
[19:27] YACHIYO
    We hope you'll return
    with other humans in future.
[19:31] IORI
    But... We can no longer live here.
[19:35] YACHIYO
    Maybe not, but you could
    still make a temporary stay.
[19:38] YACHIYO
    Like you did, Ms. Tomari.
[19:41] IORI
    Like Earth itself... is a hotel?
[19:46] IORI
    I see.
[19:47] IORI
    Yeah, you're right!
[19:59] IORI
    Thank you so, so much!
[20:04] YACHIYO
    We eagerly await your next stay with us!
[20:13] IORI
    Yachiyo!
[20:14] IORI
    I'll be back very soon!
    Please keep the hotel running until then!
[20:21] YACHIYO
    Wha?
[20:30] YACHIYO
    Please wait!
[20:33] YACHIYO
    When is "very soon"? Answer me!
[20:36] YACHIYO
    You'll "be back very soon"?
    When will that be?!
[20:43] YACHIYO
    Hey! Get your ass back here!
[20:46] YACHIYO
    Give me a more specific timeline!
[20:49] YACHIYO
    Hey! Wipe that smile off your face!
[20:51] YACHIYO
    When is "soon"? How many years
    does that face imply?!
[20:55] YACHIYO
    Answer me!
[20:57] YACHIYO
    Why do you always skip the important details?!
[21:05] YACHIYO
    Humans are so stupid!
[21:16] YACHIYOAI
    Extra Mission
    "Call a Guest Stupid" complete.
SIGN    Easter Egg Program
    Extra Mission
    "Call a Guest Stupid" complete.
    New function "Whistle" unlocked.
[21:21] YACHIYOAI
    New function "Whistle" unlocked.
[22:08] [SONG] CREDITS
    Translation: Sriram Gurunathan
    
    Editing & Typesetting: Geoff Mazzolini
    
    Subtitle Timing: Mariana Martinez
SIGN    Come! See! And feel all Earth has to offer! Being alive is wonderful!
SIGN    Gingarou Hotel
SIGN    Gingarou Hotel
SIGN    Come give us a visit, pon-chaka!
SIGN    We have hot springs, too!