# 12 - Aim to Be the Number One Hotel in the Galaxy
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/GXJHM3G58/apocalypse-hotel)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:44] PONKO**
Yachiyo! How did you like your time off?
**[00:48] YACHIYO**
I felt alive.
**[00:50] PONKO**
Great. I'm happy for you.
**[00:52] YACHIYO**
I'm done with my time off.
Let me change into my uniform.
**[00:55] PONKO**
Huh? W-Wait a minute!
**[00:57] PONKO**
You're getting back to work already?!
***SIGN*** Episode 12
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Aim to Be the Number One
Hotel in the Galaxy
**[01:01] YACHIYO**
I'm back.
**[01:07] PONKO**
You know a day off means
the *whole* day, right?
**[01:10] YACHIYO**
The break gave me extra motivation
to get back to work.
**[01:15] PONKO**
I dunno if that time off
served its purpose...
**[01:18] DOORMAN**
We have a guest.
**[01:30] YACHIYO**
We must ask you not to brandish
lethal weapons within the hotel premises.
**[01:34] IORI**
Oh...
**[01:36] IORI**
S-Sorry about that.
**[01:41] YACHIYO**
Um, did you just speak an Earth language?
**[01:48] IORI**
Well, strictly speaking, I *am* an earthling.
**[01:52] PONKO**
What?!
**[01:54] PONKO**
E-E-Earth... Really?!
**[01:54] IORI**
It's my first visit to Earth, though.
**[01:57] PONKO**
Sniff, sniff. Not a tanuki!
**[01:59] PONKO**
We got a real-deal earthling!
**[02:02] PONKO**
No way! For real? Hooray!
**[02:05] PONKO**
Look, Yachiyo! Isn't this amazing?
**[02:09] YACHIYO**
We've been eagerly awaiting your return.
**[02:13] PONKO**
Very eagerly!
**[02:16] IORI**
Th-Thank you very much.
**[02:20] YACHIYO**
Are you here by yourself?
**[02:22] IORI**
Yes. On a solo mission.
**[02:25] YACHIYO**
When will the rest of humanity return?
**[02:28] IORI**
Huh?
**[02:30] IORI**
I don't know about that.
**[02:32] IORI**
I'm just here to survey Earth's current state.
**[02:38] YACHIYO**
"Survey"?
**[02:39] IORI**
Our data said there were no intelligent
life forms left on Earth, so I was shocked.
**[02:44] IORI**
I'm amazed it still has a civilization—
and I'm even more amazed it still has humans.
**[02:51] YACHIYO**
No. There are no humans left on Earth.
**[02:54] YACHIYO**
You're the only one here.
**[02:56] IORI**
Huh?
**[02:57] YACHIYO**
I'm Yachiyo, a hotelier robot.
**[03:01] PONKO**
Ponko here. I'm a Tanukian.
**[03:06] YACHIYO**
Miss, this is a hotel.
**[03:09] YACHIYO**
Would you like to stay with us and see?
**[03:14] YACHIYO**
Please fill out this registration card.
**[03:16] IORI**
O-Okay.
**[03:24] IORI**
Will this do?
**[03:28] YACHIYO**
Thank you kindly.
***SIGN*** Tomari Iori
***SIGN*** Gender
***SIGN*** F
***SIGN*** Age
***SIGN*** Room F-24, Wing A-13, NRM District 09, Spaceship J-13
***SIGN*** Japanese
**[03:31] YACHIYO**
Allow me to show you
to your room, Ms. Tomari.
**[03:37] YACHIYO**
This is your room for the night.
**[03:41] IORI**
This whole space is for an individual?!
**[03:43] YACHIYO**
I must also inform you that we have
a spacesuit cleaning facility at this hotel.
**[03:49] IORI**
I'll die if I take this off, so...
**[03:51] YACHIYO**
Oh, right. My apologies.
**[03:56] IORI**
Soft.
**[03:58] IORI**
So this,
**[03:59] IORI**
this,
**[04:02] IORI**
and this... they're all free for me to use?
**[04:05] YACHIYO**
Are things different on your present planet?
**[04:08] IORI**
We don't have a planet.
**[04:11] YACHIYO**
Where do you reside?
**[04:13] IORI**
Interstellar arks.
**[04:16] IORI**
After leaving Earth,
**[04:18] IORI**
we tried several times to take up
residence on other planets.
**[04:24] IORI**
But due to issues with water, temperature,
atmosphere, and other things,
**[04:28] IORI**
we still haven't found a new home.
**[04:33] IORI**
Everything on board is controlled
by our life-support systems.
**[04:38] IORI**
And I'd only ever seen blue skies,
blue seas, and big landforms
**[04:42] IORI**
in research documents before I landed here.
**[04:48] IORI**
I was sent on a scouting mission to Earth
to check the possibility of living here again.
**[04:56] IORI**
However...
**[04:57] IORI**
When I crash-landed, the impact
broke my virus scanner.
**[05:02] YACHIYO**
If that's the case, let me offer you
my support as concierge.
**[05:06] IORI**
Huh?
**[05:07] IORI**
Thank you.
**[05:09] IORI**
Hey!
**[05:10] IORI**
I-I-Is that... a sh-shampoo hat?!
**[05:13] YACHIYO**
Indeed!
**[05:14] YACHIYO**
Our specialty shampoo hats are what
truly make the Gingarou Hotel what it is!
**[05:19] IORI**
But I can't take this suit off,
so I can't use it.
**[05:22] YACHIYO**
You may use it on top of your spacesuit.
**[05:24] IORI**
That seems kind of pointless.
**[05:26] YACHIYO**
But it *is* possible.
**[05:27] IORI**
I also can't exactly shower.
**[05:29] YACHIYO**
Why not give it a try anyway?
**[05:33] PONKO**
So humanity really returned, huh?
**[05:36] YACHIYO**
It's just one survey mission.
**[05:38] PONKO**
But if that survey says it's okay,
they'll all come back!
**[05:45] YACHIYO**
Yes, you do have a point.
**[05:48] PONKO**
Yachiyo?
**[05:49] YACHIYO**
I'm just wondering if that guest
truly is an earthling.
**[05:55] PONKO**
Huh? Why? She wasn't a Tanukian.
**[05:59] YACHIYO**
I must be having doubts because she turned
down the chance to use a shampoo hat.
**[06:04] YACHIYO**
Any human would leap at the opportunity.
**[06:08] PONKO**
Are we even sure that's true?
**[06:11] YACHIYO**
Either way,
**[06:12] YACHIYO**
you've all helped me see the day
when I received a human guest again.
**[06:18] YACHIYO**
Thank you, truly.
**[06:21] PONKO**
No one's worked harder
to make this happen than you.
**[06:24] PONKO**
It's been a long road.
**[06:27] PONKO**
I wonder if she'll come to like our hotel.
**[06:30] YACHIYO**
Of that, I have no doubt.
**[06:33] YACHIYO**
Because our hotel is a magical place.
**[06:35] PONKO**
Yeah.
**[06:41] YACHIYO**
And that's the announcement.
**[06:42] YACHIYO**
As of last night, a human guest
is staying with us.
**[06:46] TAMAKO**
I wanna see a real-deal human!
**[06:50] YACHIYO**
Don't get too excited.
**[06:51] YACHIYO**
As usual, we'll provide every single one of
our guests the attention they deserve.
**[06:55] TAMAKO**
'Kay!
**[06:56] TAMAKO**
Just you wait, human.
**[06:58] TAMAKO**
You'll soon learn how scary
Tamako's service can be!
**[07:00] TAMAKO**
One, two!
**[07:01] YACHIYO**
Proceeding to recite
the Twelve Commandments of Gingarou.
**[07:04] ALL**
First: Aim to be the number one
hotel in the galaxy.
**[07:08] ALL**
Second: Food and etiquette
are mainstays of culture.
**[07:11] DOORMAN**
Third: Bookmark today's page
in our guests' lives.
**[07:16] ALL**
Fourth: A smile is the ultimate ambiance.
**[07:19] ALL**
Fifth: Our only vice is service.
**[07:22] ALL**
Sixth: Tradition evolves with
innovation and experimentation.
**[07:26] ALL**
Seventh: Clean sheets symbolize pure hearts.
**[07:30] ALL**
Eighth: Provide unlimited
hospitality in limited time.
**[07:35] ALL**
Ninth: Bow down deep but always aim high.
**[07:39] ALL**
Tenth: Discipline with a fist!
Reconcile with a high five!
**[07:43] ALL**
Eleventh: Wag your tail,
but never wag a shift!
**[07:47] ALL**
Twelfth: A true hotel is always storied.
**[07:51] YACHIYO**
As always, let us welcome our guests
with a smile today.
**[07:55] YACHIYO**
We offer our beloved guests
**[07:57] YACHIYO**
our heartfelt hospitality and our
brightest smiles, every single day.
**[08:06] IORI**
Thank you for offering to help.
**[08:09] BUMBUKU**
No problem. I'm retired,
so I have all the time in the world.
**[08:13] MAMI**
We destroyed our spaceship
landing on Earth, too.
**[08:17] MAMI**
Yachiyo and her staff
were a real help back then.
**[08:21] FUGURI**
And I'm just a struggling artanuki.
I'll do anything to help!
***SIGN*** Cherry Road
**[08:24] TAMAKO**
I may help, too!
**[08:26] IORI**
Thank you all so much.
**[08:28] BUMBUKU**
This won't get the job done.
It needs replacing.
**[08:31] IORI**
I'm impressed you can tell.
**[08:33] BUMBUKU**
Oh, yeah. I've tinkered with this exact
type of spaceship once before.
**[08:38] IORI**
Huh? You've been on an Earth spaceship?
**[08:42] BUMBUKU**
Oh! Uh, I guess!
**[08:44] BUMBUKU**
The people on board were all dea—
**[08:47] BUMBUKU**
all dearly pleasant.
**[08:52] BUMBUKU**
We even sent a satellite into space
via rocket launch.
**[08:56] BUMBUKU**
That was a great learning experience, too.
***SIGN*** % Match
**[08:58] IORI**
You must be a very talented engineer.
**[08:59] YACHIYO**
She really is human.
**[09:01] FUGURI**
My sister designed the thing, though.
**[09:02] YACHIYO**
Then why?
**[09:03] IORI**
By the way, what did you
mean by "artanuki"?
**[09:07] MAMI**
Are you okay, Yachiyo?!
**[09:08] TAMAKO**
That sounded like pain!
**[09:10] YACHIYO**
I appear to be having system troubles.
**[09:12] FUGURI**
Hey, that's not good!
You need to take breaks!
**[09:16] FUGURI**
Labor law and all that!
The board can be real sticklers!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** The Ten Commandments of Gingarou
1. Aim to be the number one hotel in the galaxy.
2. Food and etiquette are mainstays of culture.
3. Bookmark today's page in our guests' lives.
4. A smile is the ultimate ambiance.
5. Our only vice is service.
6. Tradition evolves with innovation and experimentation.
7. Clean sheets symbolize pure hearts.
8. Provide unlimited hospitality in limited time.
9. Bow down deep but always aim high.
10. A true hotel is always storied.
President, Gingarou Hotel
***SIGN*** No Issues Detected
***SIGN*** No Issues Detected
**[09:24] YACHIYO**
No parts needing urgent replacement.
**[09:28] YACHIYO**
What's happening to me?
**[09:38] PONKO**
Huh?
**[09:39] PONKO**
Yachiyo?!
**[09:58] YACHIYO**
I've brought you water for your
cooling tank, Doorman Robot.
**[10:01] DOORMAN**
Thanks, missy,
**[10:04] DOORMAN**
but that's the 26th time today.
**[10:12] DOORMAN**
Thinking clearly yet?
**[10:16] YACHIYO**
I apologize. My AI's been distracted lately.
**[10:23] DOORMAN**
I'll perform a door divination for you,
just this once.
**[10:28] DOORMAN**
It opens. It opens not.
**[10:31] DOORMAN**
It opens. It opens not.
**[10:33] DOORMAN**
It opens. It opens not.
**[10:35] DOORMAN**
It opens. It opens not.
**[10:38] DOORMAN**
It opens. It opens not.
**[10:41] DOORMAN**
It... o... pens!
**[10:49] DOORMAN**
See?
**[10:57] TAMAKO**
The hotel's first-ever extraterrestrial guest
left that here as gift.
**[11:01] PONKO**
It was a lot smaller than even her at first.
**[11:05] IORI**
And now it's grown so much.
**[11:07] IORI**
It's mystical.
**[11:08] EV CHECKER**
Yo, earthling!
Been waitin' to see ya, babeh!
**[11:12] TAMAKO**
It's Babeh-boo!
**[11:13] EV CHECKER**
How ya doin', Ponpokos?
**[11:16] EV CHECKER**
Where's Yachi-YO?
**[11:17] PONKO**
She's been bugging out a little.
**[11:20] EV CHECKER**
Well, that sucks. She's usually on her game.
**[11:23] PONKO**
She wanted me to ask you to help
our guest with her survey.
**[11:28] EV CHECKER**
Well, you asked the right bot!
**[11:29] EV CHECKER**
Ain't no one better for the job
than yours truly!
**[11:32] EV CHECKER**
Ha!
**[11:41] YACHIYO**
I really must be malfunctioning.
***SIGN*** Aim to Be the Number One Hotel in the Galaxy
**[12:12] IORI**
Beautiful.
**[12:16] EV CHECKER**
Take this.
**[12:18] EV CHECKER**
It's a record of all my environmental checks
from the day humanity left Earth to now.
**[12:24] IORI**
What?
**[12:25] IORI**
The whole time?
**[12:27] EV CHECKER**
Never missed a day.
**[12:29] IORI**
Thank you so much!
**[12:31] IORI**
You don't know how much
this data means to humanity!
**[12:35] EV CHECKER**
And now, my job is done.
**[12:39] EV CHECKER**
Go ahead and take off that spacesuit.
**[12:42] IORI**
Huh?
**[12:43] EV CHECKER**
Earth is safe now.
**[12:45] EV CHECKER**
It's free of the virus
that threatened the human race.
**[12:49] IORI**
Uh... What do you mean?
**[12:53] EV CHECKER**
We have this thing to thank for it.
**[12:56] IORI**
Is that the same plant that
was in the Gingarou's aquarium?
**[12:59] EV CHECKER**
Earth is back to how it used to be,
back when you lived here and prospered.
**[13:05] EV CHECKER**
In fact, the air may be cleaner
than at any other point in history.
**[13:10] EV CHECKER**
The source?
**[13:11] EV CHECKER**
Me!
**[13:14] EV CHECKER**
So, yeah.
**[13:15] EV CHECKER**
You don't need that spacesuit anymore.
**[13:53] EV CHECKER**
I'm glad I was able to pass on
that news to you.
**[13:57] EV CHECKER**
That alone makes it all worth it, babeh.
**[14:06] YACHIYO**
Humanity's finally back,
**[14:10] YACHIYO**
and yet I...
**[14:13] YACHIYO**
I...
**[14:35] PONKO**
Yachiyo?!
**[14:37] YACHIYO**
Ponko! I broke!
**[14:40] DOORMAN**
What?!
**[14:41] IORI**
Yachiyo, Ponko!
I can take my spacesuit off!
**[14:44] PONKO**
Huh?
**[14:45] IORI**
I can even use a shampoo hat!
**[14:46] EV CHECKER**
Calm down, human!
**[14:48] PONKO**
Uh, Yachiyo first! What part's broken?
**[14:50] YACHIYO**
Nothing's broken!
That's what makes it so bad!
**[14:53] IORI**
Look! I can breathe the air
here now! It's all good!
**[14:56] PONKO**
Huh?
**[14:57] YACHIYO**
It's all bad for me!
**[14:58] IORI**
It's all right now!
**[15:00] IORI**
We can live on this planet again...
**[15:03] IORI**
Achoo.
**[15:20] YACHIYO**
Ms. Tomari?
**[15:22] IORI**
Yachiyo?
**[15:24] YACHIYO**
I apologize for losing my cool the other day.
**[15:28] YACHIYO**
After you collapsed in the lobby,
**[15:30] YACHIYO**
we had this doctor here look after you.
**[15:33] PONSTIN**
It seems you've suffered
a severe allergic reaction.
**[15:37] IORI**
But isn't the virus gone?
**[15:40] EV CHECKER**
It sounds like you guys
are the ones who changed.
**[15:44] IORI**
Huh?
**[15:45] EV CHECKER**
Humans have grown to be incompatible
with Earth's atmosphere.
**[15:53] IORI**
No...
**[15:59] PONKO**
I'm glad she's stable now.
**[16:01] YACHIYO**
Yes. Ponstin did really well.
**[16:04] PONKO**
Want him to take a look at you too?
**[16:06] YACHIYO**
Huh?
**[16:07] PONKO**
You've been acting strange ever
since the human guest showed up.
**[16:11] YACHIYO**
Right...
**[16:13] PONKO**
What's the matter?
**[16:15] YACHIYO**
I'm not happy about it.
**[16:19] YACHIYO**
We finally received a human guest again—
**[16:22] YACHIYO**
the very thing we've waited centuries for—
**[16:24] YACHIYO**
and yet I'm not especially happy about it.
**[16:29] YACHIYO**
I worked as a hotelier robot all this time
to keep my promise with the owner.
**[16:36] YACHIYO**
He never returned, even after many
human lifespans' worth of time passed.
**[16:43] YACHIYO**
But I still wanted to wait here
for human guests to return.
**[16:49] YACHIYO**
That was how I could keep my promise
to the owner, who left us in charge.
**[16:55] YACHIYO**
And yet...
**[16:57] YACHIYO**
I only felt the same delight that I already
get from extraterrestrial guests.
**[17:04] YACHIYO**
I must be broken beyond repair.
**[17:10] PONKO**
What's wrong with that?
**[17:12] YACHIYO**
Sorry?
**[17:12] PONKO**
What that means is that, in the
centuries since humans left Earth,
**[17:18] PONKO**
extraterrestrial guests have come to be
just as important as human guests to you.
**[17:27] PONKO**
It makes sense. You're a hotelier.
**[17:30] PONKO**
There's nothing weird about that!
**[17:34] YACHIYO**
You mean I'm not malfunctioning?
**[17:37] PONKO**
Exactly.
**[17:38] PONKO**
You've served both human guests *and*
extraterrestrial guests for so long.
**[17:44] PONKO**
I think that's a much more impressive feat
than keeping your promise to the owner!
**[18:04] YACHIYO**
Ms. Tomari.
**[18:06] YACHIYO**
How are you feeling?
**[18:08] IORI**
A lot better, thanks to the tanuki doctor.
**[18:12] IORI**
I'm thinking of leaving today.
**[18:16] IORI**
Earth no longer belongs to us.
**[18:22] IORI**
Before I leave, let me experience
what the extraterrestrial guests do...
**[18:27] IORI**
and have a meal here at your hotel.
**[18:33] YACHIYO**
Certainly.
**[18:38] YACHIYO**
Your A5 Nudel hamburg steak.
**[18:41] IORI**
Nudel? *That* Nudel?!
**[18:43] YACHIYO**
Yes. We've succeeded in culturing them
after a guest gave us a larval form.
**[18:48] YACHIYO**
Enjoy your meal.
**[19:04] IORI**
Nice and hot.
**[19:06] YACHIYO**
Here you are.
**[19:10] BALLOON ALIEN**
This is delightful, truly!
**[19:25] IORI**
Thank you for having me.
**[19:27] YACHIYO**
We hope you'll return
with other humans in future.
**[19:31] IORI**
But... We can no longer live here.
**[19:35] YACHIYO**
Maybe not, but you could
still make a temporary stay.
**[19:38] YACHIYO**
Like you did, Ms. Tomari.
**[19:41] IORI**
Like Earth itself... is a hotel?
**[19:46] IORI**
I see.
**[19:47] IORI**
Yeah, you're right!
**[19:59] IORI**
Thank you so, so much!
**[20:04] YACHIYO**
We eagerly await your next stay with us!
**[20:13] IORI**
Yachiyo!
**[20:14] IORI**
I'll be back very soon!
Please keep the hotel running until then!
**[20:21] YACHIYO**
Wha?
**[20:30] YACHIYO**
Please wait!
**[20:33] YACHIYO**
When is "very soon"? Answer me!
**[20:36] YACHIYO**
You'll "be back very soon"?
When will that be?!
**[20:43] YACHIYO**
Hey! Get your ass back here!
**[20:46] YACHIYO**
Give me a more specific timeline!
**[20:49] YACHIYO**
Hey! Wipe that smile off your face!
**[20:51] YACHIYO**
When is "soon"? How many years
does that face imply?!
**[20:55] YACHIYO**
Answer me!
**[20:57] YACHIYO**
Why do you always skip the important details?!
**[21:05] YACHIYO**
Humans are so stupid!
**[21:16] YACHIYOAI**
* Extra Mission*
* "Call a Guest Stupid" complete.*
***SIGN*** Easter Egg Program
Extra Mission
"Call a Guest Stupid" complete.
New function "Whistle" unlocked.
**[21:21] YACHIYOAI**
*New function "Whistle" unlocked.*
**[22:08] [SONG] CREDITS**
Translation: Sriram Gurunathan
Editing & Typesetting: Geoff Mazzolini
Subtitle Timing: Mariana Martinez
***SIGN*** Come! See! And feel all Earth has to offer! Being alive is wonderful!
***SIGN*** Gingarou Hotel
***SIGN*** Gingarou Hotel
***SIGN*** Come give us a visit, pon-chaka!
***SIGN*** We have hot springs, too!