# 3 - A Smile Is the Ultimate Ambiance
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/GXJHM3G58/apocalypse-hotel)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] YACHIYO**
Team leads, you have the floor.
**[00:06] YACHIYO**
Right. It has been almost fifty years since
our last guest—the first in a century.
**[00:14] YACHIYO**
Of course. We waited a whole century once,
so let's give it another fifty years again.
**[00:21] YACHIYO**
Anything else?
**[00:24] YACHIYO**
As always, let us welcome our guests
with a smile today.
**[00:29] YACHIYO**
Offer our beloved guests our heartfelt
hospitality and our brightest smiles.
***SIGN*** Planned Hot Spring Site
***SIGN*** Gingarou Hotel
**[00:37] EV CHECKER**
Hey, Yachi-YO!
**[00:41] EV CHECKER**
Learn to identify a lost cause.
**[00:42] EV CHECKER**
You're gonna strike magma
before a hot spring! Ha!
**[00:47] YACHIYO**
You're one to talk when you're still
carrying out your environmental checks, too.
**[00:52] EV CHECKER**
Fair. We're both stupid thingamajigs, you and I.
**[00:56] EV CHECKER**
We work and we work, but what
we're waiting for will never return.
**[01:04] EV CHECKER**
What the...?
***SIGN*** Episode 3
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** A Smile Is the Ultimate Ambiance
**[02:44] YACHIYO**
Maybe the humans have returned!
**[02:46] EV CHECKER**
Yeah, fat chance.
**[02:53] YACHIYO**
They look human! Extremely so!
**[02:55] EV CHECKER**
You're kidding me!
**[03:00] YACHIYO**
See? It must be!
**[03:02] YACHIYO**
See? It has to be!
**[03:03] EV CHECKER**
That is a very similar form,
I'll give you that.
**[03:07] BUMBUKU**
We are earthlings. Take us to your leader.
**[03:12] YACHIYO**
We've been eagerly awaiting your return!
**[03:26] BUMBUKU**
My name is Bumbuku Procione.
**[03:28] BUMBUKU**
An earthling, as you can see.
**[03:31] BUMBUKU**
The female here is my wife.
**[03:33] MAMI**
I'm Mami. Also an earthling.
**[03:36] BUMBUKU**
The young female is our daughter.
**[03:38] PONKO**
I'm Ponko! An earthling!
**[03:42] BUMBUKU**
The young male is our son.
**[03:44] FUGURI**
I'm Fuguri. A Tanukian.
**[03:48] MAMI**
Hey, Fuguri!
**[03:49] PONKO**
We're supposed to be earthlings, remember?
**[03:51] FUGURI**
But you always say you'll dump wood
on my head and light it on fire if I lie!
**[03:55] MAMI**
This is an exception. No fire today.
**[03:58] BUMBUKU**
What's going on here?
I told you to drill it into him!
**[04:01] MAMI**
And I did. This is your fault
for always threatening the poor lad.
**[04:05] PONKO**
Look your big sis in the eye, Fuguri!
**[04:07] PONKO**
Say it, or you'll die in the wild!
You wanna live, don't you?
**[04:10] FUGURI**
I don't wanna die!
**[04:12] PONKO**
Then you know what to do.
I-am-an-earth-ling!
**[04:17] MUJINA**
Huddle!
**[04:23] FUGURI**
I'm Fuguri, an earthling.
**[04:26] FUGURI**
I don't wanna die in the wild! I wanna live!
**[04:30] EV CHECKER**
Uh, we see your tail, babeh.
**[04:35] PONKO**
My li'l bro's an earthling!
**[04:38] EV CHECKER**
And you've even got leaves
stuck on your heads...
**[04:41] PONKO**
Earthling!
**[04:41] FUGURI**
Earthling!
**[04:42] MUJINA**
These kids...
**[04:46] MUJINA**
call me their grandmother.
**[04:48] MUJINA**
The name is Mujina.
**[04:51] MUJINA**
We, the Procione family,
**[04:55] MUJINA**
are clearly, obviously all...
**[04:58] MUJINA**
earthlings, and nary a thing else!
**[05:01] EV CHECKER**
Wow, some matriarchal pressure
from the grandmother.
**[05:04] YACHIYO**
You have a big family!
**[05:06] YACHIYO**
If you haven't decided on a place to stay yet,
**[05:09] YACHIYO**
our hotel is ready to welcome you.
**[05:13] BUMBUKU**
Oh, you run a hotel? That's perfect.
**[05:17] BUMBUKU**
We were in a bind because our
spaceship got badly damaged.
**[05:22] YACHIYO**
We can show you to your room at once.
**[05:26] EV CHECKER**
I think you should double check, babeh.
**[05:30] YACHIYO**
You do have a point.
**[05:35] YACHIYO**
Ladies and gentlemen.
**[05:36] BUMBUKUMAMIPONKO**
Yes?!
**[05:38] YACHIYO**
Do you have money to pay for your stay?
**[05:40] BUMBUKU**
Of course we do! We're earthlings!
**[05:43] YACHIYO**
Please follow me, then.
**[05:47] EV CHECKER**
You're on your own, babeh.
**[05:52] YACHIYO**
Welcome to our hotel.
**[05:55] BUMBUKU**
Wow, that is one big building.
**[05:58] MAMI**
I can hardly believe
we're on a backwater planet.
**[06:01] FUGURI**
I wanna burrow in a hole.
**[06:04] PONKO**
Make do and live wherever you can!
**[06:07] DOORMAN**
Missy, it can't be...
**[06:10] YACHIYO**
It is.
**[06:11] YACHIYO**
We have human guests. A whole group of them.
**[06:15] DOORMAN**
I've got you. I'll show them the greatest
door opening they've ever seen.
**[06:34] YACHIYO**
Welcome to the Gingarou Hotel.
**[06:37] YACHIYO**
I'm Yachiyo, the acting acting manager here.
**[06:41] MUJINA**
Thank you for having us.
**[06:43] PONKO**
Thank you for having us.
**[06:47] YACHIYO**
Please fill out this registration card.
**[06:51] BUMBUKU**
Oh? Is this some kind of a test?
**[06:55] YACHIYO**
What do you mean?
**[06:57] BUMBUKU**
I did practice how to write, just in case.
**[07:12] PONKO**
Hey, stop that!
**[07:14] FUGURI**
He stopped moving.
**[07:16] PONKO**
Huh?
**[07:17] PONKO**
Hello?
**[07:21] FUGURI**
Huh?
**[07:23] BUMBUKU**
Done.
**[07:24] YACHIYO**
Thank you kindly.
***SIGN*** bUnBuKu pr0c1oNe
**[07:32] YACHIYO**
Let's lock in your room, then.
**[07:35] YACHIYO**
How long will you be staying with us?
**[07:37] BUMBUKU**
Let's say about 300 days... for starters.
**[07:40] YACHIYO**
Our long-term stay plan, then?
**[07:42] BUMBUKU**
Right.
**[07:42] YACHIYO**
In that case, we'll have to ask
for an advance deposit.
**[07:46] BUMBUKU**
Sure.
**[07:47] YACHIYO**
For a 300-day stay, a month's fees should...
**[07:50] BUMBUKU**
A week, then.
**[07:51] YACHIYO**
Excuse me?
**[07:52] BUMBUKU**
We'll stay a week.
**[07:55] YACHIYO**
Understood.
**[07:56] YACHIYO**
For your family, you can
either book two regular rooms
**[08:00] YACHIYO**
or one large suite room, though that may
prove to be a little more expensive.
**[08:05] BUMBUKU**
The bigger, the better.
**[08:07] YACHIYO**
Our payment network is down.
**[08:09] YACHIYO**
Is it all right if we ask you to pay in cash?
**[08:13] BUMBUKU**
Of course it is. We're earthlings!
**[08:16] YACHIYO**
Allow us to bring your belongings
up to your room, then.
**[08:22] MAMI**
Time to go, Ponko, Fuguri.
**[08:24] FUGURI**
Hup! Hup! Hup!
**[08:26] PONKO**
Hi-yah!
**[08:27] EV CHECKER**
Enough!
**[08:42] YACHIYO**
What the...
**[08:44] YACHIYO**
So they aren't humans.
**[08:45] EV CHECKER**
Told ya so.
**[08:49] YACHIYO**
Tanukians, you say?
**[08:52] BUMBUKU**
That would be the closest
equivalent in your language, yes.
**[08:56] BUMBUKU**
Please don't make hot pot out of us!
**[08:58] YACHIYO**
Rest assured, we won't eat you.
**[09:00] EV CHECKER**
So, were you headed somewhere else?
**[09:03] BUMBUKU**
No, Earth was our destination all along,
**[09:07] BUMBUKU**
because the climate here
is similar to our home planet's.
**[09:10] PONKO**
We lost our home.
**[09:14] YACHIYO**
What does that mean?
**[09:17] MAMI**
A massive turf war broke out on our planet,
**[09:20] MAMI**
forcing us to flee for our lives.
**[09:24] BUMBUKU**
We learned about Earth while we were
looking for somewhere to seek asylum
**[09:29] BUMBUKU**
and thought we might have the chance
for a peaceful life here.
**[09:32] MAMI**
But our spaceship broke down,
and then we ran into you guys here.
**[09:39] (Flashback) BUMBUKU**
It's do or die. We're earthlings
from this moment on!
**[09:45] YACHIYO**
That's why you lied about being humans?
**[09:48] MUJINA**
We apologize for not telling you the truth.
We're terribly sorry.
**[09:53] MUJINA**
We just wanted the kids to grow up
around nature and not inside of a ship.
**[10:00] BUMBUKU**
Please, we beg of you!
**[10:02] BUMBUKU**
Could you please let us stay here
until we fix our spaceship?!
**[10:10] YACHIYO**
Our hotel has been welcoming
extraterrestrial guests for fifty years now.
**[10:16] YACHIYO**
So you have no need to worry.
**[10:19] ALL**
Thank you so much!
**[10:21] PONKO**
Thank you so much!
**[10:23] YACHIYO**
You're quite fluent in our language, though.
**[10:26] EV CHECKER**
And you happen to know a lot.
**[10:29] PONKO**
We studied up on a ship from Earth!
**[10:31] YACHIYO**
What? Really?
**[10:33] PONKO**
Yep!
**[10:34] PONKO**
It was right before we came here!
**[10:42] YACHIYO**
Did they say when they would be back?
**[10:45] PONKO**
Huh?
**[10:45] YACHIYO**
We've been awaiting their return forever!
**[10:58] BUMBUKU**
I don't think we discussed that, really.
**[11:02] MAMI**
We didn't really understand
your languages back then.
**[11:06] BUMBUKU**
We only picked up so much because we continued
to study after splitting up with them.
**[11:12] YACHIYO**
I see.
**[11:17] YACHIYO**
But just hearing that information
gives me strength!
**[11:21] YACHIYO**
Thank you very much!
**[11:26] YACHIYO**
*Acting Acting Manager's log, day 55,278.*
**[11:31] YACHIYO**
*Today, at 3:27 PM,*
**[11:34] YACHIYO**
* we learned from a group of extraterrestrial*
* guests that humanity is alive and well.*
**[11:44] YACHIYO**
* We will remain on standby*
* for humanity's return.*
***SIGN*** A Smile Is the Ultimate Ambiance
**[11:59] YACHIYO**
Thank you.
**[12:03] YACHIYO**
I'll take over now.
**[12:06] EV CHECKER**
Hey.
**[12:08] EV CHECKER**
Check it out.
**[12:09] PONKOFUGURI**
Whoop-de-do!
**[12:14] FUGURIPONKO**
Whoopity do!
**[12:17] FUGURI**
Whoop...
**[12:21] PONKO**
...de-do!
**[12:22] PONKOFUGURI**
Whoop-de-do!
**[12:28] EV CHECKER**
They may be guests,
**[12:30] EV CHECKER**
but you can't let them run wild
without a talking-to, babeh.
**[12:38] PONKOFUGURI**
Whoop-de-do!
**[12:43] YACHIYO**
Miss Ponko, Master Fuguri.
**[12:46] PONKO**
Oh, hey, Yachiyo!
**[12:47] PONKO**
Look, Fuguri caught a big haul!
**[12:51] YACHIYO**
Where are your parents?
**[12:52] PONKO**
Holed up in our room like they
always are during the daytime.
**[12:56] PONKO**
Tanukians are timid folk.
'Cept for us two, since we grew up in space.
**[13:01] YACHIYO**
Is that so?
**[13:03] YACHIYO**
Well, this is a shared space
for all our guests,
**[13:05] YACHIYO**
so please refrain from disruptive behavior.
**[13:07] PONKO**
What? We can't take a dip?
**[13:10] YACHIYO**
Correct. Also, the fish in that
aquarium are not for eating.
**[13:14] PONKO**
Ack!
**[13:22] PONKO**
We're sorry.
**[13:24] FUGURI**
I don't wanna die in the wild.
**[13:28] YACHIYO**
You may stay here, as long as you behave.
**[13:32] FUGURI**
Will you play with us?
**[13:34] YACHIYO**
That is not possible. I am at work.
**[13:37] PONKO**
What work?
**[13:39] YACHIYO**
I handle all sorts of tasks around this hotel.
**[13:42] PONKO**
All sorts?
**[13:44] FUGURI**
What sorts?
**[13:49] PONKO**
What task are you doing now, Yachiyo?
**[13:52] YACHIYO**
I'm waiting to receive our guests.
**[13:54] PONKO**
Huh. Is it fun?
**[13:57] YACHIYO**
Very much so.
It's a task that holds great value.
**[14:00] PONKO**
Oh?
**[14:02] YACHIYO**
If we hit a hot spring, our hotel
will have an additional selling point.
**[14:06] YACHIYO**
The view from here will be great, too.
**[14:08] PONKO**
If this planet's so cool,
why'd everyone leave?
**[14:12] FUGURI**
The animals're still around.
**[14:15] YACHIYO**
A highly mutable virus that only
affected primates spread across the globe.
**[14:21] PONKO**
Yeah?
**[14:27] PONKO**
You change them even though
they haven't been used?
**[14:29] YACHIYO**
Yes.
**[14:30] YACHIYO**
It is our duty to ensure
that each room in this hotel
**[14:33] YACHIYO**
is maintained in the best possible
condition for all our guests.
**[14:38] PONKO**
Every day until the earthlings return?
**[14:41] YACHIYO**
And every day after they return.
**[14:44] PONKO**
Would it have been better
if we'd been earthlings?
**[14:48] YACHIYO**
No, our hotel considers
Tanukians valuable guests too.
**[14:53] YACHIYO**
We're delighted to have you.
**[14:55] PONKO**
Yeah?
**[15:04] YACHIYO**
Huh? In the hallway?
**[15:13] YACHIYO**
This is... poop.
**[15:33] PONKO**
Coming!
**[15:35] PONKO**
Oh, Yachiyo! Come on in!
**[15:38] YACHIYO**
Excuse me.
**[15:43] YACHIYO**
What do you think you're doing?!
**[15:46] BUMBUKU**
Oh, we're making a latrine.
**[15:49] YACHIYO**
Latrine?
**[15:50] MAMI**
We have to mark our territory clearly
so everybody else can see.
**[15:55] MUJINA**
We can't have a turf war breaking out here.
**[15:59] YACHIYO**
That won't happen!
**[16:01] YACHIYO**
You are the only guests
staying in this hotel right now.
**[16:05] BUMBUKU**
What?
**[16:07] MAMI**
Nobody else?
**[16:09] YACHIYO**
Right.
**[16:14] MAMI**
Wish you'd told us sooner.
We wouldn't have had to build a latrine.
**[16:19] YACHIYO**
Please refrain from building latrines
even when we do have other guests.
**[16:22] ALL**
What? We can't?
**[16:26] BUMBUKU**
We're very sorry.
**[16:28] YACHIYO**
That said, I don't intend to refuse
everything for the sake of it.
**[16:31] YACHIYO**
Fifty years ago, we entertained
an extraterrestrial guest
**[16:36] YACHIYO**
and learned that different planets
have different habits and customs.
**[16:39] BUMBUKU**
Is that so?
**[16:42] YACHIYO**
It may not be possible now,
**[16:44] YACHIYO**
but we would like to be more accommodating
of your latrines in the future.
**[16:48] BUMBUKU**
Oh? Oho?
**[16:51] BUMBUKU**
Huddle!
**[16:54] BUMBUKU**
You wish to accommodate your guests better.
That's an admirable mindset.
**[17:00] YACHIYO**
Thank you kindly.
**[17:05] YACHIYO**
Huh?
**[17:09] YACHIYO**
Please stop this at once!
**[17:11] BUMBUKU**
But we prefer dark and dirty places.
**[17:14] BUMBUKU**
Just a habit.
**[17:19] YACHIYO**
Please don't run down the hallways
this late at night. It's dangerous.
**[17:23] MAMI**
Just a habit.
Besides, there's nobody else here.
**[17:28] YACHIYO**
Please don't eat vegetables
right out of our fields!
**[17:31] MUJINA**
It's just a habit, we're afraid.
**[17:35] YACHIYO**
This is a problem.
**[17:37] EV CHECKER**
Want me to get rid of 'em
for the environment's sake?
**[17:40] YACHIYO**
Don't.
**[17:44] YACHIYO**
Huh?
**[17:51] EV CHECKER**
Oh, come on now.
**[17:55] PONKO**
Coming! Dun, dun-da-dun,
is a festival happening?
**[18:00] PONKO**
Hey, Yachiyo!
**[18:06] BUMBUKU**
Welcome. And thank you
for making our stay so comfortable.
**[18:12] YACHIYO**
What are these holes?
**[18:14] BUMBUKU**
You said there weren't any other guests,
so we expanded our den a little.
**[18:19] MAMI**
Honestly, I'd prefer
to have a lot more plants.
**[18:23] MAMI**
Perhaps we'll ask you
to bring us some as room service.
**[18:28] PONKO**
Makes your job easier, right?
**[18:32] YACHIYO**
And the filth in this room?
**[18:34] BUMBUKU**
Filth? How rude.
**[18:37] BUMBUKU**
Our planet is like this everywhere.
**[18:40] BUMBUKU**
We held back on building latrines
in the halls, so let us have this.
**[18:45] MAMI**
We don't feel comfortable
without our scents in the air.
**[18:50] PONKO**
You don't have to change
our linens anymore, okay?
**[18:55] YACHIYO**
Flycatcher Robot!
**[18:56] BUMBUKU**
Oh, sorry about that.
**[18:58] BUMBUKU**
It was trying to forcibly clean up our room.
**[19:02] BUMBUKU**
You said you would be accommodating of our
customs, but this stupid robot wouldn't.
**[19:09] BUMBUKU**
How intolerant, huh?
**[19:13] FUGURI**
Can we make this robot our toy
if it can't get fixed?
**[19:33] YACHIYOAI**
*Extra Mission "Attack a Guest" complete.*
***SIGN*** Easter Egg Program
Extra Mission
"Attack a Guest" complete.
New function "Fireworks" unlocked.
**[19:37] YACHIYOAI**
*New function "Fireworks" unlocked.*
**[19:42] BUMBUKU**
Uh, your head's on fire.
**[19:44] YACHIYO**
Shut up! Sit down and listen!
**[19:51] MAMI**
Wh-Wh-What are you playing at?
We're your guests!
**[19:55] YACHIYO**
That doesn't mean you can do anything
and everything you want!
**[19:59] YACHIYO**
My job is to keep this hotel in its best shape,
**[20:02] YACHIYO**
and if I have to slug a guest to do it,
**[20:04] YACHIYO**
then so be it!
**[20:05] YACHIYO**
We offer our beloved guests
**[20:07] YACHIYO**
our heartfelt hospitality
**[20:10] YACHIYO**
and our brightest smiles!
**[20:12] YACHIYO**
Welcome to the Gingarou Hotel!
**[20:35] YACHIYO**
Thank you. I'll take over now.
**[20:38] EV CHECKER**
Hey.
**[20:40] EV CHECKER**
Check it out.
**[20:46] YACHIYO**
What are you doing, Miss Ponko?
**[20:49] PONKO**
Good morning. I'm cleaning.
**[20:52] YACHIYO**
I can see that. I'm asking you why.
**[20:56] PONKO**
I wanna help out around the hotel.
**[20:59] PONKO**
Because we were bad to you.
**[21:02] PONKO**
Let me work here! You don't have to pay me.
**[21:07] YACHIYO**
And your family?
**[21:08] PONKO**
They're cleaning up our room and stuff.
**[21:12] YACHIYO**
But that's our job.
**[21:15] YACHIYO**
Besides, you're still a child.
**[21:17] YACHIYO**
Earth laws stipulate a minimum age
for joining the workforce.
**[21:21] PONKO**
How old do I have to be?
**[21:26] YACHIYO**
Our hotel regulations define this
minimum to be 15 years of age.
**[21:33] PONKO**
I'm 54!
**[21:35] YACHIYO**
So you can work.
**[21:36] PONKO**
Hooray!
**[21:39] PONKO**
I'm Ponko, and I'll be joining
the team starting today.
**[21:43] PONKO**
I look forward to working with you!
**[21:48] EV CHECKER**
Ha.
**[21:50] PONKO**
Our heartfelt Gingarou is the brightest smile!
**[21:53] YACHIYO**
That's not quite right.
***SIGN*** Translation: Sriram Gurunathan
***SIGN*** Editing & Typesetting: Geoff Mazzolini
***SIGN*** Subtitle Timing: Mariana Martinez