E1 - Won't Kill For Love

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] ---
    Would you like this warmed up?
[00:10] ---
    Uhm...
[00:12] ---
    I need to check your age for this.
[00:14] ---
    Huh?! Such a pain…
[00:16] ---
    Eh?
[00:17] ---
    C'mon, I’m in a hurry here.
[00:23] ---
    What was that?! An earthquake?
[00:33] ---
    Huh? Are they filming some kinda movie?
[00:36] ---
    Wha--
[00:37] ---
    Oh my god!
[00:42] ---
    Time to go to work, Byakuya.
[00:46] ---
    Yes.
[01:54] ---
    This is as far as you go, Mr. Evil Lieutenant.
[02:00] ---
    I will not let you have your way.
[02:19] ---
    It was love at first sight.
[03:30] ---
    It would appear that you failed
     to suppress the magical girl, correct?
[03:35] ---
    What happened, Mira?
[03:36] ---
    Did you get a stomachache?
[03:38] ---
    Indeed, what happened, Mira?
[03:40] ---
    There’s much we don't know about the magical girls.
[03:43] ---
    We're still studying them at this stage, no?
[03:47] ---
    It sure seems like we'll have to do
    a lot of prep work to take them down.
[03:52] ---
    He sure is taking his sweet time, I’m gonna doze off…
[03:55] ---
    Can you really handle this on your own?
[03:58] ---
    There’s no need for concern.
[04:01] ---
    Arrangements for a ground invasion are already in motion.
[04:04] ---
    I guarantee...
[04:07] ---
    Our King of Evil will receive good news.
[04:12] ---
    You stood in our way the other day, Magical Girl.
[04:19] ---
    Because today you're in for...
[04:22] ---
    a present.
[04:25] ---
    Do you like chiffon cake?
[04:27] ---
    I do.
[04:29] ---
    Episode 1
    Won't Kill For Love
[04:38] ---
    Your shoulder’s wet…
[04:39] ---
    I’m fine.
[04:41] ---
    But…
[04:46] ---
    Thank you, Mr. Evil Lieutenant…
[04:50] ---
    It's nothing…
[04:51] ---
    Just a momentary olive branch.
[04:55] ---
    You have a big heart, Mr. Lieutenant.
[04:59] ---
    What the hell’s this feeling?!
[05:01] ---
    It's like my chest's in a vice!
[05:04] ---
    Mr. Lieutenant?
[05:09] ---
    I was born to an elite evil family,
    worked my way up the elite evil ladder...
[05:13] ---
    got an elite evil job, and now I'm the elite
     evil right-hand man to the King of Evil...
[05:18] ---
    all that and now my elite evil life...
[05:20] ---
    …is totally derailed!!
[05:22] ---
    Ever since I met her, something's been very wrong with me!!
[05:25] ---
    Mr. Lieutenant?
[05:26] ---
    What the hell's wrong with me, I'm a Lieutenant of Evil?!
[05:27] ---
    Mr. Lieutenant?
[05:31] ---
    I've destroyed and avenged nations for goodness sake!
[05:33] ---
    Are you unwell?
[05:33] ---
    It's treasonous—
[05:37] ---
    Mr. Lieutenant...
[05:40] ---
    your forehead does feel warm.
[05:45] ---
    It’s not just my head! My whole body’s on fire!
[05:48] ---
    Are you alrig—
[05:49] ---
    Most definitely not!
[05:53] ---
    This chiffon cake is delicious.
[05:56] ---
    The ones from our Evil Empire are nothing special.
[06:00] ---
    In any case, are you sure you're fine
    accepting something from your enemy?
[06:03] ---
    What if I put something in it?
[06:06] ---
    You wouldn’t do that…
[06:08] ---
    Even if you did, I’d have to eat something eventually…
[06:12] ---
    I only drank water for the past week…
[06:16] ---
    Huh? Don't humans die when they don't eat?
[06:19] ---
    Yes, that's true.
[06:23] ---
    I started living alone once I graduated from middle school.
[06:27] ---
    Now I work part-time, lend a hand at a care facility,
     and work as a magical girl.
[06:33] ---
    I forget to eat when I'm busy,
    but I can think of that as saving money.
SIGN    1\frz330\pos(191,259)}Grumble~*
[06:39] ---
    Even if my stomach is empty, my heart is full.
[06:45] ---
    I think I understand,
[06:46] ---
    but it’s not good to neglect yourself.
[06:49] ---
    Yes, I’ll be mindful.
[06:52] ---
    It would hurt our Evil Organization's reputation if we beat you when you're not at your best.
[06:56] ---
    Indeed. You’re very kind.
[06:59] ---
    I’m not kind, it’s a matter of pride!
[07:03] ---
    Alright.
[07:03] ---
    As such!
[07:04] ---
    You should let me send you a year’s worth of rice!
[07:07] ---
    Huh? That’s too kind…
[07:11] ---
    Welcome back, Lieutenant!
[07:14] ---
    You must be tired. I'll bring some tea to your room.
[07:15] ---
    No, thank you.
[07:37] ---
    What am I doing?
[07:40] ---
    Remember your true purpose.
    I am a Lieutenant of Evil.
[07:44] ---
    And as the King of Evil’s right-hand man,
     it’s my job to inform them
[07:48] ---
    of our enemy, the magical girls, and make a report!
SIGN    Thank you for your order!
SIGN    Popular with women
SIGN    Famous no-bake cheese cake
SIGN    3,718 yen free shipping
[07:59] ---
    Magical Girl, today’s the day I’ll knock you out!
[08:04] ---
    With today’s no-bake cheesecake, I mean.
[08:06] ---
    Okay...
SIGN    Plop...
[08:11] ---
    Sorry, yesterday I said I’d take better care of myself…
[08:16] ---
    But I didn’t have time to sleep…
[08:19] ---
    Why would you do that, Magical Girl?
[08:22] ---
    I needed the money…
[08:23] ---
    What a cruel world!
[08:26] ---
    When a land shark took the facility I grew up in…
[08:32] ---
    that's when he showed up and said to me…
[08:37] ---
    You need money, don't cha?
SIGN    Smack
[08:42] ---
    You need money, don't cha?
SIGN    Smack
[08:44] ---
    Don't cha?
SIGN    Smack
[08:45] ---
    You can become a magical girl and save the world
     or you can sell your . Your choice, kid.
[08:50] ---
    Don’t cha wanna buy back that facility?
[08:52] ---
    I-I do!
[08:54] ---
    But afterward,
[08:56] ---
    I found out he was in on the scheme
     with the land shark the whole time.
[09:00] ---
    Those were ya°°za!
[09:02] ---
    Thanks to this tree’s shade, I've made a full recovery.
[09:06] ---
    Thank you, Mr. Evil Lieutenant.
[09:09] ---
    You should give up on being a magical girl.
[09:12] ---
    Huh…?
[09:14] ---
    From what I gather from your story,
    you don't actually want to fight.
[09:24] ---
    I won’t give up.
[09:26] ---
    You…
[09:27] ---
    Nothing changes the fact that someone has to do this job.
[09:31] ---
    And…
[09:35] ---
    I…
[09:37] ---
    I get to see you.
[09:43] ---
    Mr. Lieutenant… are you upset?
[09:45] ---
    Dammit!
[09:46] ---
    You’re cute! Too stinkin’ cute!
[09:48] ---
    What do you want!? You want my black card?
[09:51] ---
    Take it! I give! Buy whatever you want!
[09:55] ---
    Please calm down, Mr. Lieutenant.
[09:59] ---
    You got so worked up because of me...
[10:02] ---
    I’m sorry.
[10:04] ---
    Let’s head home for the day.
[10:07] ---
    But I want you to give it some thought…
[10:09] ---
    About quitting being a magical girl.
[10:12] ---
    If you don’t, the next time we meet,
    we might be forced to kill each other.
[10:21] ---
    By the way, what would you like to eat next time?
[10:23] ---
    Oh, please don’t worry about it...
[10:28] ---
    Am I being toyed with by my enemy, that magical girl?
[10:33] ---
    I cannot let this continue.
[10:35] ---
    I am a Lieutenant of Evil!
[10:37] ---
    Remember…
[10:38] ---
    Remember the days you spent doing horrible atrocities to become the King’s right-hand man…
[10:42] ---
    Rise, servant of Evil…!
[10:46] ---
    Wow, it’s just so good…!
SIGN    Get in line.
    Famous fruit tart
[10:48] ---
    So refreshing, it’s a taste that women love~!
[10:51] ---
    Place your order through a toll-free call!
[10:54] ---
    It’s late at night, but we’re ready for your call~!
[10:55] ---
    Yes, hi. I saw your ad just now on TV…
[10:59] ---**
    Yes… one fruit tart, please.