E5 - The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest / The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Fennel
    Hi, I'm Fennel!
[00:05] Fennel
    A strapping young elf of 183 years!
[00:08] Fennel
    Why am I running like
    a bat out of hell, you ask?
[00:11] Fennel
    I'll tell you!
[00:13] Fennel
    It's because I get to see
    Alyssa without Viola there!
[00:21] Alyssa
    Viola's out running errands.
[00:23] (Flashback) Fennel
    Shoo-wa-ha-hallo?!?!
[00:25] Alyssa
    Hmm? Jute mallow?
SIGN    "Jute Mallow"
SIGN    The King of Vegetables
[00:26] Narrator
    Jute mallow, the king of vegetables!
[00:35] Fennel
    Alyssa, it is I, your Fennel!
[00:43] Alyssa
    Eat as many as you want.
[00:44] Glind
    Thank you!
[00:49] Fennel
    You homewrecker!
[00:54] Glind
    No fair! I've done nothing!
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest
[02:29] Fennel
    "The Classified Circumstances
    of the Elfin Forest."
[02:37] Fennel
    Sorry, I lost my cool.
[02:40] Fennel
    Why are you here?
[02:41] Glind
    To fix some furniture.
[02:43] Alyssa
    You're fighting?
[02:44] Glind
    Happens all the time.
[02:47] Fennel
    Sorry to keep being mean, but
    if you're done fixing, please go home.
[02:50] Fennel
    Leave us alone together! You get it, right?
[02:54] Glind
    No can do.
[02:55] Fennel
    Why not?
[02:56] Glind
    Viola asked me to get in your way.
[03:00] Fennel
    She thinks of everything!
[03:01] Fennel
    Don't just let her use you!
    Have you no pride?!
[03:05] Glind
    Excuse me?! I enjoy making
    myself useful to girls!
[03:09] Alyssa
    Boys are so energetic.
[03:13] Glind
    Hanging out with you
    ruins my image of elves.
[03:16] Fennel
    Lay off!
[03:17] Alyssa
    Do you like elves, Glind?
[03:20] Glind
    Yes!
[03:21] Glind
    Their mystical, willowy,
    untouchable appearance is my ideal!
[03:26] Glind
    I'd love a chance to visit
    the elfin village just once.
[03:31] Fennel
    It's just dirt and old people.
[03:33] Glind
    How could you say that?!
[03:35] Fennel
    You call us "mystical," but the reality is,
[03:37] Fennel
    so few have seen our village because
    it's so far out in the middle of nowhere.
[03:42] Fennel
    Only one carriage comes
    through there per day.
[03:45] Glind
    You're killing me here.
[03:49] Fennel
    Thanks to that, all the young people leave,
[03:52] Fennel
    so almost half the population is
    over 650 years old at this point.
[03:55] Glind
    Too untouchable!
[03:57] Glind
    No...
[03:59] Glind
    I can't believe it's not a paradise of beautiful
    elfin women as far as the eye can see!
[04:02] Fennel
    Stop dreaming!
[04:04] Fennel
    I mean, there are some young women, but
    they're mostly moms who married young.
[04:08] Glind
    Huh?
[04:10] Glind
    You mean... it's an elfin MILF paradise?
[04:12] Fennel
    Crap, I gave him a new dream.
[04:15] Alyssa
    I-I think it's plenty mystical!
[04:18] Alyssa
    Like the great tree in the middle
    of the village! Isn't it wonderful?
[04:22] Glind
    Now that's what I'm talking about!
[04:25] Alyssa
    There's a sacred tree
    called the Great Mana Tree
[04:28] Alyssa
    that the elves have revered for ages.
[04:32] Alyssa
    It's in a lovely place with such clean air
[04:34] Alyssa
    that you feel like just
    being there is purifying you.
[04:37] Glind
    That sounds great.
[04:39] Fennel
    Yeah, I like it there, too.
[04:42] Fennel
    It's a date spot...
[04:44] Fennel
    children's playground...
[04:46] Fennel
    old-geezer hangout...
[04:48] Fennel
    and tourist spot.
    Basically, the only thing in town.
[04:51] Glind
    That's your only place to have fun?!
[04:53] Glind
    I take it you've visited the elves, Alyssa?
[04:57] Alyssa
    Yep! I did a homestay there
    for my magical studies.
[05:02] Alyssa
    My parents were friends
    with Fennel's older brother,
[05:05] Alyssa
    so I stayed with them.
[05:07] Alyssa
    That's when I got to know Fennel.
[05:11] Glind
    Wait, you have a brother?
[05:14] Glind
    What about sisters?!
[05:15] Fantasy Elfin Sister
    I appreciate your kindness to my brother.
[05:18] Fennel
    If I had any, I wouldn't tell you.
[05:20] Fennel
    But I'll introduce you to my brother!
[05:22] Fennel
    His hobby is weightlifting, and
    his specialty is martial arts.
SIGN    Burl Burl Burl
[05:25] Older Brother
    Burly muscles!
[05:27] Glind
    No! An elf would never do such things!
[05:31] Alyssa
    Elves are usually good-looking, aren't they?
[05:34] Alyssa
    Like you and your brother.
[05:36] Fennel
    Y-You really think so?
[05:40] Glind
    I bet they never poop.
[05:43] Fennel
    Oh, they do.
[05:44] Fennel
    They fart and poop by the bucketful.
[05:47] Fennel
    Face reality.
[05:49] Glind
    Don't say "bucketful"!
[05:51] Fennel
    Okay, thimbleful.
[05:53] Glind
    That doesn't help!
[05:57] Fennel
    No, I'm sorry, we goofed around too much!
[06:00] Glind
    I'm sorry! I'll die if you want!
[06:02] Glind
    New topic: magic!
[06:04] Glind
    What's elfin magic like?
[06:06] Alyssa
    I suppose you could say it gets
    the same results by a different process.
SIGN    Witches
SIGN    They use their innate magic.
[06:11] Alyssa
    Witches use their innate magic,
SIGN    Elves
    
    They use
    mana
SIGN    (Natural
    World
    Energy)
[06:15] Alyssa
    while elves use the energy of the
    natural world, which is called "mana."
[06:20] Alyssa
    Elves also have their own unique
    culture and beliefs. It's interesting!
[06:23] Glind
    Wow.
[06:25] Fennel
    Geezers sometimes try to push their customs
    and superstitions on you, so be careful.
[06:30] Glind
    You stop talking!
[06:32] Fennel
    They'll cook up weird liquids
    they call "mana soup"
[06:35] Fennel
    and try to feed them to you.
[06:37] (Flashback) Elfin Granny
    Purification!
[06:39] (Flashback) Young Fennel
    Don't want any!
[06:40] Glind
    That does sound bad.
[06:41] Alyssa
    Magic is great, but elves are most
    famous for their archery, right?
[06:46] Glind
    Yes! The archers are so
    dignified and beautiful.
[06:49] Alyssa
    I remember that your
    aim was perfect, Fennel!
[06:53] Fennel
    Aw, gee, it's really no big deal!
[06:56] Glind
    Ugh.
[06:58] Fennel
    We're so starved for entertainment,
    we just shoot arrows all day!
[07:01] Glind
    It's not a tradition of your race?!
[07:03] Fennel
    I mean, as a race we do
    tend to like archery...
[07:10] Fennel
    ...but mostly there's so little to do
    that we naturally end up honing our aim.
[07:14] Male Elf
    I'm over this.
[07:15] Female Elf
    Me too.
[07:16] Glind
    So it is tradition, in a sense?
[07:19] Glind
    But why are you saying
    that stuff?! It's just mean!
[07:22] Glind
    It's like you're trying to crush my dreams!
[07:25] Fennel
    What? No, I swear I'm not.
[07:27] Alyssa
    Now, now. Fennel just got too
    self-critical on his home's behalf.
[07:32] Alyssa
    But it's rare to hear an elfin point of view,
[07:34] Alyssa
    so I'm happy I got to.
[07:37] Glind
    She's so kind...
[07:38] Fennel
    I love her.
[07:39] Fennel
    Sorry about that.
    I do love my hometown, honestly.
[07:44] Fennel
    It's just, hearing people gush about it
[07:46] Fennel
    makes me want to bring up
    its bad points, too.
[07:48] Fennel
    What's that love-hate about?
[07:50] Fennel
    It makes me mad when
    outsiders badmouth it, though.
[07:54] Fennel
    Maybe that's what loving your motherland is.
[07:57] Fennel
    It's an "I'm the only one who
    gets to insult her!" type of thing.
[08:00] Glind
    She deserves fewer mixed signals.
[08:05] Alyssa
    We can see different sides of a place
    when we change perspectives, right?
[08:10] Glind
    Mostly negative ones, in this case.
[08:12] Alyssa
    We're all different, and we
    all feel things differently.
[08:15] Alyssa
    That's a good thing.
[08:17] Alyssa
    Isn't it fun to make new
    discoveries like this?
[08:21] Alyssa
    Personally, I like the elfin village.
[08:27] Fennel
    Hearing that makes me want to visit home.
[08:30] Glind
    Fennel...
[08:31] Fennel
    And so...
[08:34] Fennel
    Will you return to my family's land with me?
[08:36] Glind
    That's the thinnest justification
    for that question!
[08:50] Viola
    Did you just say you wanted
    to return to the soil?
SIGN    Home
[08:53] Narrator
    Hometown Burial
SIGN    Hometo
SIGN    Hometown
SIGN    Hometown
    Burial
[08:55] Phoenix
    Excessive contact detected.
[08:59] Phoenix
    System entering Armed Mode!
[09:01] Fennel
    When did you get here?!
[09:03] Alyssa
    Stop it!
[09:07] Viola
    Here.
[09:08] Viola
    Your shopping and the change!
[09:10] Alyssa
    Thank you.
[09:12] Fennel
    This ending, again?
[09:14] Glind
    I know I caused some of the
    problem, but... cheer up, man.
[09:18] Fennel
    No, wait!
[09:19] Fennel
    I think we had a good vibe this time!
[09:22] Fennel
    There were compliments!
    She said the word "like"!
[09:25] Glind
    About your village.
[09:26] Fennel
    Yes! I made progress today!
[09:31] Narrator
    Glind took a moment to muse
[09:33] Narrator
    that changing perspectives
    really can change how you feel.
[09:40] Viola
    Let's go dig potatoes!
[09:42] Alyssa
    Potato-digging?
[09:44] Alyssa
    What brought this on?
[09:46] Alyssa
    We got a letter from Uncle Pound.
[09:48] Viola
    He says, "I grew a lot of sweet potatoes,
[09:50] Viola
    so come get as many as you want."
[09:53] Alyssa
    That's so generous!
[09:55] Alyssa
    Sweet potatoes, eh?
[09:57] Alyssa
    That sounds great!
[09:58] Alyssa
    Let's go visit.
[09:59] Viola
    This'll be fun!
SIGN    The Potato-Digging Circumstances
    of Love and Legend
[10:15] Pondo
    "The Potato-Digging
    Circumstances of Love and Legend."
[10:30] Viola
    So we don't have to dig?
[10:32] Alyssa
    There's a bigger issue!
[10:34] Pondo
    Alyssa and Viola! I'm glad you came.
SIGN    Lira's husband
SIGN    Pound Age 40
[10:38] Alyssa
    What is this?! How did this happen?!
[10:42] Pondo
    I should've known you'd worry...
[10:44] Pondo
    Can this be our secret? My wife
    would be so angry if she found out.
[10:49] Alyssa
    I take it your reasons are indefensible.
[10:54] Pondo
    I was recently inspired in my gardening
    hobby to try my hand at selective breeding.
[10:58] Pondo
    But it didn't go well.
[11:02] Pondo
    Then, one day...
[11:06] Giriko
    Yes, I see why you're upset.
[11:15] Pondo
    And then this happened.
[11:17] Alyssa
    Giriko!
[11:21] Giriko
    His potatoes did what now?
[11:23] Giriko
    Also, I didn't know you knew him.
[11:25] Alyssa
    What did you sell him?!
[11:27] Giriko
    A fertilizer.
[11:29] Giriko
    It's a masterpiece designed to
    speed up the evolutionary process.
[11:31] Giriko
    I based it on a mandragora fertilizer.
[11:32] Alyssa
    No wonder their faces seemed familiar...
[11:35] Giriko
    Sorry about that.
    I'll take care of it right now.
[11:39] Pondo
    No, that's all right.
[11:40] Alyssa
    What?!
[11:42] Pondo
    I haven't suffered any damages!
[11:44] Pondo
    These babies are the best.
    Sweet and delicious!
[11:48] Potato
    Tater...
[11:50] Pondo
    They multiply without my interference,
[11:53] Pondo
    and they walk around on their own!
[11:55] Potatoes
    Taterrrrr!
[11:55] Pondo
    Although they do scream...
[11:57] Alyssa
    Those are damages!
[11:58] Alyssa
    Let's have her turn them back to normal!
[12:00] Viola
    Yeah, this is dangerous!
[12:02] Pondo
    Well, it is true that some
    of them are tough to harvest.
[12:05] Pondo
    Maybe they're a little boisterous.
[12:07] Alyssa
    I'll go get Lira.
[12:08] Pondo
    No, don't!
[12:10] Pondo
    It's fine!
[12:12] Pondo
    They're harmless things
[12:14] Pondo
    like Spudcalibur, a potato
    only the chosen can wield.
[12:17] Viola
    You'll start a legend!
[12:19] Viola
    Oh my gosh!
[12:21] Alyssa
    Oh no, she loves this kind of thing!
[12:23] Viola
    It's fine! It seems way more fun
    than normal potato-digging!
[12:27] Alyssa
    I have a bad feeling. Let me
    look at the others, too.
[12:30] Pondo
    Of course!
[12:32] Pondo
    Look back there.
[12:35] Pondo
    That's Potatoboros.
[12:37] Alyssa
    Weirdness already!
[12:38] Pondo
    Doesn't it remind you of ouroboros, the
    serpent that symbolizes infinity and eternity?
[12:43] Viola
    Yeah. Does that mean
    the potato will live forever?
[12:48] Pondo
    Nah, it just likes licking its tail.
[12:52] Alyssa
    You were only talking
    about appearances, huh?
[12:57] Viola
    Anyone else notice a nice smell?
[12:59] Pondo
    Maybe it's my perfume!
[13:01] Alyssa
    Where does that confidence come from?
[13:05] Viola
    It's coming from that!
[13:06] Alyssa
    That's dangerous!
[13:08] Pondo
    That one wants to make sure it
    gets eaten as a roasted potato,
[13:11] Pondo
    so it spontaneously combusts.
[13:13] Alyssa
    We need water!
[13:14] Pondo
    I named it Ifritter,
    after the legendary ifrit.
[13:18] Alyssa
    This is no time for puns!
[13:20] Pondo
    Don't worry, those flames only burn Ifritter.
[13:23] Alyssa
    Really?
[13:25] Viola
    Mama, look over there.
[13:29] Alyssa
    I already see the pun.
[13:33] Pondo
    These are mertatoes.
[13:35] Alyssa
    I knew you'd say that.
[13:37] Pondo
    By the way, you can keep
    cut potatoes from browning
[13:40] Pondo
    by placing them in water.
[13:42] Viola
    Wow.
[13:43] Alyssa
    Don't use that as a teaching tool!
[13:50] Alyssa
    Do you have any, er, safer types?
[13:54] Pondo
    Safer, eh?
[13:56] Pondo
    Well, then...
[14:01] Slimato
    Gloop!
[14:03] Pondo
    How about a Slimato?
[14:04] Alyssa
    Yay, it's relatively normal!
[14:09] Pondo
    I think its only flaw is
    that when you unearth it,
[14:11] Pondo
    it shapeshifts into something shocking.
[14:14] Alyssa
    It's the most messed-up!
[14:18] Alyssa
    I can't believe the first variety
    we saw was the "normal" one...
[14:21] Viola
    They're starting to seem cute.
[14:24] Pondo
    Well! Now that I've introduced them all,
[14:26] Pondo
    have fun potato-digging!
[14:28] Alyssa
    No, I'm getting Giriko to turn them back.
[14:32] Pondo/Viola
    What?!
[14:33] Alyssa
    It's a no-brainer!
[14:34] Alyssa
    Why would you think this is okay?!
    They're nothing but problems!
[14:38] Pondo
    How could you?! I've raised them this far!
[14:42] Pondo
    My son is a teenager, and he pays
    no attention to me these days...
[14:47] Pondo
    These kids accepted my love
    and gave it an outlet!
[14:51] Alyssa
    So this is what happens
[14:54] Alyssa
    when he turns to agriculture to
    relieve his parenting burnout.
[14:58] Viola
    Poor Uncle...
[15:02] Viola
    I could never handle it if Mama
    stopped paying attention to me!
[15:07] Alyssa
    You're being overly sensitive!
[15:09] Viola
    Let's let them be!
[15:11] Pondo
    I beseech you for mercy.
[15:14] Alyssa
    Am I the weird one here?!
[15:17] Lira
    I've heard everything.
[15:20] Alyssa
    Lira?
[15:21] Lira
    You're the dumbest husband.
[15:23] Pondo
    Wh-What are you doing here?
[15:25] Pondo
    I thought you were out of town shopping.
[15:27] Lira
    I came back early because
    you've been acting weird.
[15:32] Lira
    Not to mention...
[15:36] Lira
    Isn't accepting your love my job?
[15:41] Pondo
    I shall give it all to you!
[15:43] Alyssa
    I don't even care anymore.
[15:47] Lira
    And you accept my feelings, too.
[15:52] Lira
    My pent-up feelings of wrath!
[15:55] Pondo
    Spudcalibur?!
[15:58] Lira
    I can feel power welling up inside me.
[16:01] Lira
    I felt called to it somehow, so
    I pulled it up on the way here.
[16:05] Alyssa
    It chose you?!
[16:07] Lira
    You do nothing but make messes.
[16:11] Lira
    Therefore, I'm constantly cleaning up.
[16:16] Lira
    Ever thought of that?!
[16:25] Viola
    Auntie can't be cajoled.
[16:27] Alyssa
    Unlike the potatoes.
[16:32] Giriko
    Here I am!
[16:34] Narrator
    Eventually the potatoes were
    returned to normal by Giriko.
[16:44] Lira
    Our apologies.
[16:46] Alyssa
    It's all right.
[16:48] Narrator
    Alyssa and Viola received some
    potatoes, as was their original goal.
[16:53] Alyssa
    Today's snack is sweet potato steak!
[16:56] Viola
    Thank you.
[17:02] Phoenix
    Roasted potato.
[17:05] Narrator
    They ate a potato-based diet
    for the next week, or so we are told.
[17:17] Alyssa
    What is this?
[17:27] Alyssa
    What's going on?!
[17:39] Narrator
    Mandragoras! These are humanoid
    plants used in magic and alchemy.
SIGN    Mandragora
[17:44] Narrator
    When unearthed, they unleash
    a scream that drives listeners mad.
[17:49] Alyssa
    A mandragora?
[17:51] Alyssa
    I don't remember planting any over here...
[17:55] Viola
    Don't talk, Mama.
[17:57] Alyssa
    Viola? Did you—
[18:00] Viola
    Get in the shed and I'll explain.
[18:02] Viola
    Walk quietly.
[18:08] Viola
    We should be safe for now.
[18:10] Alyssa
    Viola, explain this!
[18:12] Viola
    Um, they went a little wild...
[18:15] Alyssa
    "Wild"?
[18:19] Alyssa
    What's that?
[18:24] Spudhemoth
    Tater!
[18:28] Alyssa
    Potato hazard...
[18:30] Viola
    No, please! Anything but that!
[18:34] Narrator
    "Enlightenment."
SIGN    Title: "Enlightenment"
[18:36] Narrator
    "Shyness."
SIGN    Title: "Shyness"
SIGN    Title: "Fertility"
[18:39] Narrator
    "Fertility."
SIGN    Title: "Degradation"
[18:41] Narrator
    "Degradation."
[18:45] Viola
    Mandragoras with awesome
    shapes are priceless!
[18:49] Alyssa
    You're acting like those
    are our top sellers.
[18:53] Alyssa
    Wait, those look like Pound's potatoes...
[18:57] Alyssa
    Why?
[18:59] Viola
    The thing is...
[19:01] (Flashback) Giriko
    I made some improvements to the fertilizer.
[19:05] (Flashback) Giriko
    Can you test it on some mandragoras for me?
[19:08] (Flashback) Viola
    Sure!
[19:10] (Flashback) Viola
    Hmm... How much do I use?
[19:15] (Flashback) Viola
    Well, more is better, right?
[19:18] (Flashback) Viola
    Grow big and strong!
[19:24] Viola
    And here we are.
[19:26] Alyssa
    Giriko!
[19:32] Viola
    No shouting! They respond to sound.
[19:35] Alyssa
    What do we do?
[19:37] Viola
    Let's let them keep fighting.
[19:39] Viola
    We'll catch them right after the battle
    ends, when their guard is down.
[19:42] Alyssa
    Good idea.
[19:44] Viola
    By the way, the bigger one is Spudhemoth.
SIGN    Spudhemoth
SIGN    Centater
[19:47] Viola
    He grows by eating other potatoes.
[19:50] Viola
    That's how Uncle Pound's field
    didn't end up littered with tubers.
[19:55] Alyssa
    Wait, he's a cannibal?
[20:02] Alyssa
    He... doesn't eat humans, does he?
[20:04] Viola
    I don't think so.
[20:06] Alyssa
    Look me in the eye!
[20:09] Alyssa
    Anyway, it looks like
    the battle's almost over.
[20:13] Alyssa
    If we only have Spudhemoth to deal
    with, our magic should be enough.
[20:17] Viola
    We'll see.
[20:20] Viola
    That's Centater.
[20:22] Viola
    It has the upper body of a potato
    and the lower body of a horse.
[20:25] Viola
    It runs so fast, even Auntie
    Giriko had trouble catching it!
[20:30] Alyssa
    Now what?! This battle could last forever!
[20:34] Viola
    Oh, it'll end. Any moment now.
[20:44] Viola
    After fighting with all
    their might, they can tell.
[20:48] Viola
    They know the next strike will be the last.
[20:51] Alyssa
    We're talking about potatoes, right?
[21:01] Alyssa
    Well? Who won?!
SIGN    Superlative
[21:14] Viola
    They combined!
SIGN    Combination
SIGN    Centahemoth
SIGN    Centahemoth
[21:18] Alyssa
    It seems stronger.
    Doesn't it seem stronger?!
[21:28] Viola
    Oh wow, too cool!
[21:31] Alyssa
    Giriko, get over here! Now!
[21:34] Alyssa
    Giriko turned them into normal potatoes
    right away, so that was good, but...
[21:40] Viola
    Phoenix!
[21:41] Viola
    Are you interested in combining?
[21:44] Alyssa
    Stop that!
[21:45] Narrator
    Viola was obsessed with combining
    for some time afterwards.
[22:58] Alyssa
    This is Alyssa.
SIGN    Preview
[22:59] Viola
    This is Viola.
[23:00] Alyssa
    Beckoned by a flower fairy,
    Viola and I make a trip.
[23:04] Alyssa
    We arrive at a garden
    that has forgotten to bloom.
[23:06] Viola
    A flower fairy?
[23:08] Alyssa
    It's a rose-themed story
    about people's emotions.
[23:11] Alyssa/Viola
    Next time on The Family Circumstances
    of the Irregular Witch...
SIGN    The Assemblage Circumstances
     of the Rose Garden
[23:13] Alyssa/Viola
    "The Assemblage Circumstances
    of the Rose Garden"!
[23:15] Alyssa
    Look forward to it!
[23:16] Viola
    Are we sure it's not a bu—
[23:18] Alyssa
    Viola!