E5 - The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest / The Potato-Digging Circumstances of Love and Legend Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:03] Fennel     Hi, I'm Fennel! [00:05] Fennel     A strapping young elf of 183 years! [00:08] Fennel     Why am I running like     a bat out of hell, you ask? [00:11] Fennel     I'll tell you! [00:13] Fennel     It's because I get to see     Alyssa without Viola there! [00:21] Alyssa     Viola's out running errands. [00:23] (Flashback) Fennel     Shoo-wa-ha-hallo?!?! [00:25] Alyssa     Hmm? Jute mallow? SIGN    "Jute Mallow" SIGN    The King of Vegetables [00:26] Narrator     Jute mallow, the king of vegetables! [00:35] Fennel     Alyssa, it is I, your Fennel! [00:43] Alyssa     Eat as many as you want. [00:44] Glind     Thank you! [00:49] Fennel     You homewrecker! [00:54] Glind     No fair! I've done nothing! SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch SIGN    The Classified Circumstances of the Elfin Forest [02:29] Fennel     "The Classified Circumstances     of the Elfin Forest." [02:37] Fennel     Sorry, I lost my cool. [02:40] Fennel     Why are you here? [02:41] Glind     To fix some furniture. [02:43] Alyssa     You're fighting? [02:44] Glind     Happens all the time. [02:47] Fennel     Sorry to keep being mean, but     if you're done fixing, please go home. [02:50] Fennel     Leave us alone together! You get it, right? [02:54] Glind     No can do. [02:55] Fennel     Why not? [02:56] Glind     Viola asked me to get in your way. [03:00] Fennel     She thinks of everything! [03:01] Fennel     Don't just let her use you!     Have you no pride?! [03:05] Glind     Excuse me?! I enjoy making     myself useful to girls! [03:09] Alyssa     Boys are so energetic. [03:13] Glind     Hanging out with you     ruins my image of elves. [03:16] Fennel     Lay off! [03:17] Alyssa     Do you like elves, Glind? [03:20] Glind     Yes! [03:21] Glind     Their mystical, willowy,     untouchable appearance is my ideal! [03:26] Glind     I'd love a chance to visit     the elfin village just once. [03:31] Fennel     It's just dirt and old people. [03:33] Glind     How could you say that?! [03:35] Fennel     You call us "mystical," but the reality is, [03:37] Fennel     so few have seen our village because     it's so far out in the middle of nowhere. [03:42] Fennel     Only one carriage comes     through there per day. [03:45] Glind     You're killing me here. [03:49] Fennel     Thanks to that, all the young people leave, [03:52] Fennel     so almost half the population is     over 650 years old at this point. [03:55] Glind     Too untouchable! [03:57] Glind     No... [03:59] Glind     I can't believe it's not a paradise of beautiful     elfin women as far as the eye can see! [04:02] Fennel     Stop dreaming! [04:04] Fennel     I mean, there are some young women, but     they're mostly moms who married young. [04:08] Glind     Huh? [04:10] Glind     You mean... it's an elfin MILF paradise? [04:12] Fennel     Crap, I gave him a new dream. [04:15] Alyssa     I-I think it's plenty mystical! [04:18] Alyssa     Like the great tree in the middle     of the village! Isn't it wonderful? [04:22] Glind     Now that's what I'm talking about! [04:25] Alyssa     There's a sacred tree     called the Great Mana Tree [04:28] Alyssa     that the elves have revered for ages. [04:32] Alyssa     It's in a lovely place with such clean air [04:34] Alyssa     that you feel like just     being there is purifying you. [04:37] Glind     That sounds great. [04:39] Fennel     Yeah, I like it there, too. [04:42] Fennel     It's a date spot... [04:44] Fennel     children's playground... [04:46] Fennel     old-geezer hangout... [04:48] Fennel     and tourist spot.     Basically, the only thing in town. [04:51] Glind     That's your only place to have fun?! [04:53] Glind     I take it you've visited the elves, Alyssa? [04:57] Alyssa     Yep! I did a homestay there     for my magical studies. [05:02] Alyssa     My parents were friends     with Fennel's older brother, [05:05] Alyssa     so I stayed with them. [05:07] Alyssa     That's when I got to know Fennel. [05:11] Glind     Wait, you have a brother? [05:14] Glind     What about sisters?! [05:15] Fantasy Elfin Sister     I appreciate your kindness to my brother. [05:18] Fennel     If I had any, I wouldn't tell you. [05:20] Fennel     But I'll introduce you to my brother! [05:22] Fennel     His hobby is weightlifting, and     his specialty is martial arts. SIGN    Burl Burl Burl [05:25] Older Brother     Burly muscles! [05:27] Glind     No! An elf would never do such things! [05:31] Alyssa     Elves are usually good-looking, aren't they? [05:34] Alyssa     Like you and your brother. [05:36] Fennel     Y-You really think so? [05:40] Glind     I bet they never poop. [05:43] Fennel     Oh, they do. [05:44] Fennel     They fart and poop by the bucketful. [05:47] Fennel     Face reality. [05:49] Glind     Don't say "bucketful"! [05:51] Fennel     Okay, thimbleful. [05:53] Glind     That doesn't help! [05:57] Fennel     No, I'm sorry, we goofed around too much! [06:00] Glind     I'm sorry! I'll die if you want! [06:02] Glind     New topic: magic! [06:04] Glind     What's elfin magic like? [06:06] Alyssa     I suppose you could say it gets     the same results by a different process. SIGN    Witches SIGN    They use their innate magic. [06:11] Alyssa     Witches use their innate magic, SIGN    Elves          They use     mana SIGN    (Natural     World     Energy) [06:15] Alyssa     while elves use the energy of the     natural world, which is called "mana." [06:20] Alyssa     Elves also have their own unique     culture and beliefs. It's interesting! [06:23] Glind     Wow. [06:25] Fennel     Geezers sometimes try to push their customs     and superstitions on you, so be careful. [06:30] Glind     You stop talking! [06:32] Fennel     They'll cook up weird liquids     they call "mana soup" [06:35] Fennel     and try to feed them to you. [06:37] (Flashback) Elfin Granny     Purification! [06:39] (Flashback) Young Fennel     Don't want any! [06:40] Glind     That does sound bad. [06:41] Alyssa     Magic is great, but elves are most     famous for their archery, right? [06:46] Glind     Yes! The archers are so     dignified and beautiful. [06:49] Alyssa     I remember that your     aim was perfect, Fennel! [06:53] Fennel     Aw, gee, it's really no big deal! [06:56] Glind     Ugh. [06:58] Fennel     We're so starved for entertainment,     we just shoot arrows all day! [07:01] Glind     It's not a tradition of your race?! [07:03] Fennel     I mean, as a race we do     tend to like archery... [07:10] Fennel     ...but mostly there's so little to do     that we naturally end up honing our aim. [07:14] Male Elf     I'm over this. [07:15] Female Elf     Me too. [07:16] Glind     So it is tradition, in a sense? [07:19] Glind     But why are you saying     that stuff?! It's just mean! [07:22] Glind     It's like you're trying to crush my dreams! [07:25] Fennel     What? No, I swear I'm not. [07:27] Alyssa     Now, now. Fennel just got too     self-critical on his home's behalf. [07:32] Alyssa     But it's rare to hear an elfin point of view, [07:34] Alyssa     so I'm happy I got to. [07:37] Glind     She's so kind... [07:38] Fennel     I love her. [07:39] Fennel     Sorry about that.     I do love my hometown, honestly. [07:44] Fennel     It's just, hearing people gush about it [07:46] Fennel     makes me want to bring up     its bad points, too. [07:48] Fennel     What's that love-hate about? [07:50] Fennel     It makes me mad when     outsiders badmouth it, though. [07:54] Fennel     Maybe that's what loving your motherland is. [07:57] Fennel     It's an "I'm the only one who     gets to insult her!" type of thing. [08:00] Glind     She deserves fewer mixed signals. [08:05] Alyssa     We can see different sides of a place     when we change perspectives, right? [08:10] Glind     Mostly negative ones, in this case. [08:12] Alyssa     We're all different, and we     all feel things differently. [08:15] Alyssa     That's a good thing. [08:17] Alyssa     Isn't it fun to make new     discoveries like this? [08:21] Alyssa     Personally, I like the elfin village. [08:27] Fennel     Hearing that makes me want to visit home. [08:30] Glind     Fennel... [08:31] Fennel     And so... [08:34] Fennel     Will you return to my family's land with me? [08:36] Glind     That's the thinnest justification     for that question! [08:50] Viola     Did you just say you wanted     to return to the soil? SIGN    Home [08:53] Narrator     Hometown Burial SIGN    Hometo SIGN    Hometown SIGN    Hometown     Burial [08:55] Phoenix     Excessive contact detected. [08:59] Phoenix     System entering Armed Mode! [09:01] Fennel     When did you get here?! [09:03] Alyssa     Stop it! [09:07] Viola     Here. [09:08] Viola     Your shopping and the change! [09:10] Alyssa     Thank you. [09:12] Fennel     This ending, again? [09:14] Glind     I know I caused some of the     problem, but... cheer up, man. [09:18] Fennel     No, wait! [09:19] Fennel     I think we had a good vibe this time! [09:22] Fennel     There were compliments!     She said the word "like"! [09:25] Glind     About your village. [09:26] Fennel     Yes! I made progress today! [09:31] Narrator     Glind took a moment to muse [09:33] Narrator     that changing perspectives     really can change how you feel. [09:40] Viola     Let's go dig potatoes! [09:42] Alyssa     Potato-digging? [09:44] Alyssa     What brought this on? [09:46] Alyssa     We got a letter from Uncle Pound. [09:48] Viola     He says, "I grew a lot of sweet potatoes, [09:50] Viola     so come get as many as you want." [09:53] Alyssa     That's so generous! [09:55] Alyssa     Sweet potatoes, eh? [09:57] Alyssa     That sounds great! [09:58] Alyssa     Let's go visit. [09:59] Viola     This'll be fun! SIGN    The Potato-Digging Circumstances     of Love and Legend [10:15] Pondo     "The Potato-Digging     Circumstances of Love and Legend." [10:30] Viola     So we don't have to dig? [10:32] Alyssa     There's a bigger issue! [10:34] Pondo     Alyssa and Viola! I'm glad you came. SIGN    Lira's husband SIGN    Pound Age 40 [10:38] Alyssa     What is this?! How did this happen?! [10:42] Pondo     I should've known you'd worry... [10:44] Pondo     Can this be our secret? My wife     would be so angry if she found out. [10:49] Alyssa     I take it your reasons are indefensible. [10:54] Pondo     I was recently inspired in my gardening     hobby to try my hand at selective breeding. [10:58] Pondo     But it didn't go well. [11:02] Pondo     Then, one day... [11:06] Giriko     Yes, I see why you're upset. [11:15] Pondo     And then this happened. [11:17] Alyssa     Giriko! [11:21] Giriko     His potatoes did what now? [11:23] Giriko     Also, I didn't know you knew him. [11:25] Alyssa     What did you sell him?! [11:27] Giriko     A fertilizer. [11:29] Giriko     It's a masterpiece designed to     speed up the evolutionary process. [11:31] Giriko     I based it on a mandragora fertilizer. [11:32] Alyssa     No wonder their faces seemed familiar... [11:35] Giriko     Sorry about that.     I'll take care of it right now. [11:39] Pondo     No, that's all right. [11:40] Alyssa     What?! [11:42] Pondo     I haven't suffered any damages! [11:44] Pondo     These babies are the best.     Sweet and delicious! [11:48] Potato     Tater... [11:50] Pondo     They multiply without my interference, [11:53] Pondo     and they walk around on their own! [11:55] Potatoes     Taterrrrr! [11:55] Pondo     Although they do scream... [11:57] Alyssa     Those are damages! [11:58] Alyssa     Let's have her turn them back to normal! [12:00] Viola     Yeah, this is dangerous! [12:02] Pondo     Well, it is true that some     of them are tough to harvest. [12:05] Pondo     Maybe they're a little boisterous. [12:07] Alyssa     I'll go get Lira. [12:08] Pondo     No, don't! [12:10] Pondo     It's fine! [12:12] Pondo     They're harmless things [12:14] Pondo     like Spudcalibur, a potato     only the chosen can wield. [12:17] Viola     You'll start a legend! [12:19] Viola     Oh my gosh! [12:21] Alyssa     Oh no, she loves this kind of thing! [12:23] Viola     It's fine! It seems way more fun     than normal potato-digging! [12:27] Alyssa     I have a bad feeling. Let me     look at the others, too. [12:30] Pondo     Of course! [12:32] Pondo     Look back there. [12:35] Pondo     That's Potatoboros. [12:37] Alyssa     Weirdness already! [12:38] Pondo     Doesn't it remind you of ouroboros, the     serpent that symbolizes infinity and eternity? [12:43] Viola     Yeah. Does that mean     the potato will live forever? [12:48] Pondo     Nah, it just likes licking its tail. [12:52] Alyssa     You were only talking     about appearances, huh? [12:57] Viola     Anyone else notice a nice smell? [12:59] Pondo     Maybe it's my perfume! [13:01] Alyssa     Where does that confidence come from? [13:05] Viola     It's coming from that! [13:06] Alyssa     That's dangerous! [13:08] Pondo     That one wants to make sure it     gets eaten as a roasted potato, [13:11] Pondo     so it spontaneously combusts. [13:13] Alyssa     We need water! [13:14] Pondo     I named it Ifritter,     after the legendary ifrit. [13:18] Alyssa     This is no time for puns! [13:20] Pondo     Don't worry, those flames only burn Ifritter. [13:23] Alyssa     Really? [13:25] Viola     Mama, look over there. [13:29] Alyssa     I already see the pun. [13:33] Pondo     These are mertatoes. [13:35] Alyssa     I knew you'd say that. [13:37] Pondo     By the way, you can keep     cut potatoes from browning [13:40] Pondo     by placing them in water. [13:42] Viola     Wow. [13:43] Alyssa     Don't use that as a teaching tool! [13:50] Alyssa     Do you have any, er, safer types? [13:54] Pondo     Safer, eh? [13:56] Pondo     Well, then... [14:01] Slimato     Gloop! [14:03] Pondo     How about a Slimato? [14:04] Alyssa     Yay, it's relatively normal! [14:09] Pondo     I think its only flaw is     that when you unearth it, [14:11] Pondo     it shapeshifts into something shocking. [14:14] Alyssa     It's the most messed-up! [14:18] Alyssa     I can't believe the first variety     we saw was the "normal" one... [14:21] Viola     They're starting to seem cute. [14:24] Pondo     Well! Now that I've introduced them all, [14:26] Pondo     have fun potato-digging! [14:28] Alyssa     No, I'm getting Giriko to turn them back. [14:32] Pondo/Viola     What?! [14:33] Alyssa     It's a no-brainer! [14:34] Alyssa     Why would you think this is okay?!     They're nothing but problems! [14:38] Pondo     How could you?! I've raised them this far! [14:42] Pondo     My son is a teenager, and he pays     no attention to me these days... [14:47] Pondo     These kids accepted my love     and gave it an outlet! [14:51] Alyssa     So this is what happens [14:54] Alyssa     when he turns to agriculture to     relieve his parenting burnout. [14:58] Viola     Poor Uncle... [15:02] Viola     I could never handle it if Mama     stopped paying attention to me! [15:07] Alyssa     You're being overly sensitive! [15:09] Viola     Let's let them be! [15:11] Pondo     I beseech you for mercy. [15:14] Alyssa     Am I the weird one here?! [15:17] Lira     I've heard everything. [15:20] Alyssa     Lira? [15:21] Lira     You're the dumbest husband. [15:23] Pondo     Wh-What are you doing here? [15:25] Pondo     I thought you were out of town shopping. [15:27] Lira     I came back early because     you've been acting weird. [15:32] Lira     Not to mention... [15:36] Lira     Isn't accepting your love my job? [15:41] Pondo     I shall give it all to you! [15:43] Alyssa     I don't even care anymore. [15:47] Lira     And you accept my feelings, too. [15:52] Lira     My pent-up feelings of wrath! [15:55] Pondo     Spudcalibur?! [15:58] Lira     I can feel power welling up inside me. [16:01] Lira     I felt called to it somehow, so     I pulled it up on the way here. [16:05] Alyssa     It chose you?! [16:07] Lira     You do nothing but make messes. [16:11] Lira     Therefore, I'm constantly cleaning up. [16:16] Lira     Ever thought of that?! [16:25] Viola     Auntie can't be cajoled. [16:27] Alyssa     Unlike the potatoes. [16:32] Giriko     Here I am! [16:34] Narrator     Eventually the potatoes were     returned to normal by Giriko. [16:44] Lira     Our apologies. [16:46] Alyssa     It's all right. [16:48] Narrator     Alyssa and Viola received some     potatoes, as was their original goal. [16:53] Alyssa     Today's snack is sweet potato steak! [16:56] Viola     Thank you. [17:02] Phoenix     Roasted potato. [17:05] Narrator     They ate a potato-based diet     for the next week, or so we are told. [17:17] Alyssa     What is this? [17:27] Alyssa     What's going on?! [17:39] Narrator     Mandragoras! These are humanoid     plants used in magic and alchemy. SIGN    Mandragora [17:44] Narrator     When unearthed, they unleash     a scream that drives listeners mad. [17:49] Alyssa     A mandragora? [17:51] Alyssa     I don't remember planting any over here... [17:55] Viola     Don't talk, Mama. [17:57] Alyssa     Viola? Did you— [18:00] Viola     Get in the shed and I'll explain. [18:02] Viola     Walk quietly. [18:08] Viola     We should be safe for now. [18:10] Alyssa     Viola, explain this! [18:12] Viola     Um, they went a little wild... [18:15] Alyssa     "Wild"? [18:19] Alyssa     What's that? [18:24] Spudhemoth     Tater! [18:28] Alyssa     Potato hazard... [18:30] Viola     No, please! Anything but that! [18:34] Narrator     "Enlightenment." SIGN    Title: "Enlightenment" [18:36] Narrator     "Shyness." SIGN    Title: "Shyness" SIGN    Title: "Fertility" [18:39] Narrator     "Fertility." SIGN    Title: "Degradation" [18:41] Narrator     "Degradation." [18:45] Viola     Mandragoras with awesome     shapes are priceless! [18:49] Alyssa     You're acting like those     are our top sellers. [18:53] Alyssa     Wait, those look like Pound's potatoes... [18:57] Alyssa     Why? [18:59] Viola     The thing is... [19:01] (Flashback) Giriko     I made some improvements to the fertilizer. [19:05] (Flashback) Giriko     Can you test it on some mandragoras for me? [19:08] (Flashback) Viola     Sure! [19:10] (Flashback) Viola     Hmm... How much do I use? [19:15] (Flashback) Viola     Well, more is better, right? [19:18] (Flashback) Viola     Grow big and strong! [19:24] Viola     And here we are. [19:26] Alyssa     Giriko! [19:32] Viola     No shouting! They respond to sound. [19:35] Alyssa     What do we do? [19:37] Viola     Let's let them keep fighting. [19:39] Viola     We'll catch them right after the battle     ends, when their guard is down. [19:42] Alyssa     Good idea. [19:44] Viola     By the way, the bigger one is Spudhemoth. SIGN    Spudhemoth SIGN    Centater [19:47] Viola     He grows by eating other potatoes. [19:50] Viola     That's how Uncle Pound's field     didn't end up littered with tubers. [19:55] Alyssa     Wait, he's a cannibal? [20:02] Alyssa     He... doesn't eat humans, does he? [20:04] Viola     I don't think so. [20:06] Alyssa     Look me in the eye! [20:09] Alyssa     Anyway, it looks like     the battle's almost over. [20:13] Alyssa     If we only have Spudhemoth to deal     with, our magic should be enough. [20:17] Viola     We'll see. [20:20] Viola     That's Centater. [20:22] Viola     It has the upper body of a potato     and the lower body of a horse. [20:25] Viola     It runs so fast, even Auntie     Giriko had trouble catching it! [20:30] Alyssa     Now what?! This battle could last forever! [20:34] Viola     Oh, it'll end. Any moment now. [20:44] Viola     After fighting with all     their might, they can tell. [20:48] Viola     They know the next strike will be the last. [20:51] Alyssa     We're talking about potatoes, right? [21:01] Alyssa     Well? Who won?! SIGN    Superlative [21:14] Viola     They combined! SIGN    Combination SIGN    Centahemoth SIGN    Centahemoth [21:18] Alyssa     It seems stronger.     Doesn't it seem stronger?! [21:28] Viola     Oh wow, too cool! [21:31] Alyssa     Giriko, get over here! Now! [21:34] Alyssa     Giriko turned them into normal potatoes     right away, so that was good, but... [21:40] Viola     Phoenix! [21:41] Viola     Are you interested in combining? [21:44] Alyssa     Stop that! [21:45] Narrator     Viola was obsessed with combining     for some time afterwards. [22:58] Alyssa     This is Alyssa. SIGN    Preview [22:59] Viola     This is Viola. [23:00] Alyssa     Beckoned by a flower fairy,     Viola and I make a trip. [23:04] Alyssa     We arrive at a garden     that has forgotten to bloom. [23:06] Viola     A flower fairy? [23:08] Alyssa     It's a rose-themed story     about people's emotions. [23:11] Alyssa/Viola     Next time on The Family Circumstances     of the Irregular Witch... SIGN    The Assemblage Circumstances      of the Rose Garden [23:13] Alyssa/Viola     "The Assemblage Circumstances     of the Rose Garden"! [23:15] Alyssa     Look forward to it! [23:16] Viola     Are we sure it's not a bu— [23:18] Alyssa     Viola!