E1 - The Irregular Circumstances of the Close-Knit Family/The Educational Circumstances of the Mysterious Life Form

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Narrator
    Once upon a time, there was
    a witch who lived in a forest.
[00:30] Alyssa
    A-A baby?
[00:34] Alyssa
    This is a human baby, right?!
[00:37] Alyssa
    But I kinda sense magic—
    so is it a witch baby?!
[00:40] Alyssa
    Wait, how much magic am I sensing?
[00:42] Alyssa
    Not a baby amount!
[00:43] Alyssa
    Okay, focus: Why is it in the woods?
[00:45] Alyssa
    Where are its parents? Is it lost?
    Was it abandoned?
[01:06] Narrator
    Time went by, and...
[01:11] Viola
    I'd like this, please!
[01:13] Man
    Sure, one moment—
[01:14] Man
    Well, my goodness.
[01:18] Man
    A witch, and...
[01:19] Man
    Her apprentice, perhaps?
[01:22] Viola
    That's right!
SIGN    The Irregular Circumstances of the Close-Knit Family
[02:59] Alyssa/Viola
    "The Irregular Circumstances
    of the Close-Knit Family"!
[03:04] Man
    My, you two must be very close.
[03:07] Man
    You're practically stuck together!
[03:10] Viola
    Yes!
[03:10] Viola [THOUGHT]
    For me...
[03:12] Viola
    Getting lost is a problem.
[03:16] Man
    How wonderful. You really
    care about your apprentice.
[03:20] Viola [THOUGHT]
    For Mama...
[03:21] Viola
    A nice compliment!
[03:29] Viola
    La la la la!
[03:31] Viola
    ♪ Oh, it's so fun! Shopping with Mama! ♪
[03:38] Viola
    Hey, Mama, I wanna visit
    the item shop.
SIGN    Viola / Human: Age 16
[03:43] Alyssa
    No!
SIGN    Alyssa / Witch: Age 223
[03:46] Viola
    Aw, why?
[03:47] Alyssa
    Today, we're only shopping
    for tea party snacks,
[03:50] Alyssa
    so we're not going to buy anything else!
[03:55] Viola
    Aw, please, Mama!
[03:57] Viola
    Buy me a phoenix-summoning stone!
[04:01] Alyssa
    I said, "no"!
[04:03] Alyssa
    You summoned a volcano
    dragon just the other day.
[04:07] Viola
    Meanie! I want a phoenix!
    I'm gonna summon a phoenix!
[04:12] BAckground
    What's going on?
[04:12] Alyssa
    Viola, stop...
[04:12] Viola
    Phoenix! I wanna summon a phoenix!
[04:16] Alyssa
    You're attracting attention!
[04:16] Viola
    Nothing else is good enough!
[04:19] Viola
    Meanie! Meanie! Meanie!
[04:19] BAckground
    She's that desperate to summon?
[04:23] Lira
    Honestly, you're always such a softie.
[04:27] Lira
    Folded like a house of cards, eh?
[04:30] Viola
    I'm ashamed to say it, but yes.
SIGN    Lira
SIGN    Age 40
SIGN    Item shop owner
[04:32] Lira
    I'm jealous of how close you two are.
[04:35] Lira
    My son called me an old hag,
[04:38] Lira
    so I split his two buns into six.
[04:41] Viola
    Are you sure that's safe?!
SIGN    Pull-Apart Bread
[04:42] Lira
    It's fine! That's how firm you gotta be
    with kids in their rebellious phase.
[04:47] Lira
    Better prepare yourself, Alyssa.
[04:49] Alyssa
    What?
[04:50] Viola
    Oh, wow! It's so cool!
[04:55] Alyssa
    She's still just a little girl.
[04:58] Alyssa
    The rebellious phase is a long way off.
[05:00] Lira
    Don't be ridiculous.
    Viola is 16 already, right?
[05:04] Lira
    She's overdue.
[05:06] Alyssa
    What? But 16 is still a baby!
[05:09] Alyssa
    She was an embryo not too long ago!
[05:12] Lira
    You can't measure her on a witch's scale.
[05:15] Viola
    Mama!
[05:17] Viola
    I picked this one.
[05:18] Lira
    Thanks for your business!
[05:24] Alyssa
    Rebellious phase, huh?
[05:26] Alyssa
    If Viola has one, I'll need
    to scold her for acting out.
[05:30] Alyssa
    Maybe I should start being stricter
    on a daily basis, like Lira...
[05:36] Viola
    Mama?
[05:39] Viola
    Thank you. I'll take good care of it.
[05:43] Alyssa
    Of course!
[05:44] Alyssa
    Aw, she's cute, so it's fine!
[05:46] Narrator
    The doting parent.
[05:48] Alyssa
    I know it's early, but
    why don't we have lunch?
[05:50] Viola
    Yay! I want a chicken sandwich!
[05:54] Alyssa
    Oh? Didn't you tell me this morning
    that you wanted omelet rice?
[05:57] Viola
    I changed my mind. Chicken sandwich!
[06:00] Alyssa
    All right. Let's go, then.
[06:02] Viola
    Yay!
[06:05] Tory (Man A)
    That witch is such a babe!
[06:06] Sugalee (Man B)
    Go try talking to her!
[06:08] Tory
    No, you should do it.
[06:08] Alyssa
    They must mean Viola.
    I guess everyone's drawn to her!
[06:12] Alyssa
    I thought she was too young
    for romance, but...
[06:14] Alyssa
    What does she think right now?
[06:18] Viola
    "Witch"? They're thinking
    dirty thoughts about Mama.
[06:21] Viola
    I'll curse them so that peanuts
    fall out of their butts forever.
[06:25] Narrator
    She was thinking about violence!
[06:29] Parnan
    Hello, Miss. Are you alone?
[06:32] Viola
    You may leave.
[06:34] Parnan
    I-I'm sorry!
[06:37] Parnan
    No good, huh?
[06:41] Alyssa
    Oh, I see!
[06:42] Viola
    You gotta watch out, Mama!
[06:44] Alyssa
    Huh?
[06:45] Viola
    Watch out for flirts!
[06:46] Viola
    You're super-cute! I wish
    you'd be more conscious of that.
[06:51] Alyssa
    Don't worry, nobody's ever flirted with Mama.
[06:56] Alyssa
    And I'm not beautiful like you.
[06:59] Viola
    Lies! I know for a fact you're
    in more danger than me!
[07:03] Viola
    People flirt with you all the time
    when I'm not next to you.
[07:07] Dorolee
    Hi, honey, come play with me.
[07:10] Alyssa
    Th-That's not flirting!
[07:15] Giriko
    That story is too good!
[07:18] Luna
    I agree.
[07:19] Alyssa
    It's not funny!
SIGN    Witch-Girl Time
[07:21] Narrator
    Girl time for witches, aka "Witch-Girl Time."
[07:24] Giriko
    If you don't want people to confuse
    the witch with the apprentice,
[07:28] Giriko
    just dress her to fit the image.
SIGN    Childhood friend witch
SIGN    Giriko Age 220
[07:34] Luna
    Yes. Actually, I order you
    to wear something witchier.
SIGN    Childhood friend witch
SIGN    Luna Age 221
[07:40] Alyssa
    But she wants to wear that stuff...
[07:43] Viola
    So cool!
[07:45] Alyssa
    Besides, when I get clothes or food,
    I always give the best of it to Viola.
[07:51] Luna
    Such a mom.
[07:52] Giriko
    Total mom.
[07:53] Alyssa
    Plus...
[07:55] Alyssa
    When I wear witchy clothes...
    they look like a Halloween costume.
[08:00] Imaginary Alyssa
    Trick or treat!
[08:01] Giriko
    Ah.
[08:02] Giriko
    Well, never mind, Alyssa. Viola
    could have a lover in no time!
[08:10] Luna
    Very true! You should prepare yourself.
[08:13] Luna
    Girls grow up fast, after all.
[08:17] Alyssa
    Yeah, you're right.
[08:20] Alyssa
    Someday she'll grow up and
    strike out on her own, huh?
[08:25] Alyssa
    I have to steel myself so
    I'll be ready to encourage her in that.
[08:30] Giriko
    Alyssa...
[08:32] Luna
    Such a mom.
[08:33] Giriko
    Total mom.
[08:34] Viola
    Mama!
[08:36] Viola
    Mama, can I keep the phoenix I summoned?
[08:40] Phoenix
    Seekest thou power?
[08:43] Alyssa
    No! Put him back where he came from!
[08:44] Viola
    Aw, why?
[08:47] Alyssa
    I said, "no"!
[08:48] Viola
    No fair!
[08:48] Luna
    Parenting is hard, huh?
[08:49] Alyssa
    Put him back!
[08:51] Viola
    But I just summoned him!
[08:51] Giriko
    I'm good with at least 50
    more years of the single life.
[08:52] Alyssa
    I won't allow it!
[08:54] Viola
    Oh, you're here already, aunties?
[08:57] Giriko/Viola
    You mean "sisters".
[08:58] Alyssa
    Now, now.
[09:00] Alyssa
    We're over 200 years old,
    so "aunties" seems fine to—
[09:05] Luna
    Don't act so blasé about aging just
    because your body's doing it slowly.
[09:10] Giriko
    If you think you'll be girlish
    forever, you're sorely mistaken.
[09:13] Alyssa
    I-I'm sorry...
[09:14] Viola
    No bullying Mama!
[09:17] Luna
    Nonsense, we were just playing.
[09:20] Giriko
    Yeah, it was an expression of love.
[09:22] Viola
    That's worse!
[09:25] Luna
    Girls are so complicated during puberty.
[09:29] Giriko
    She really has grown so much.
[09:33] Narrator
    Thirteen years ago...
[09:39] (Flashback) Viola
    Boob.
[09:42] (Flashback) Viola
    Mama! Boobies!
[09:44] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Sorry, honey, Mama can't
    give you her boobies.
[09:47] (Flashback) Viola
    Bye-bye boobies?
[09:50] (Flashback) Giriko
    That's right. Your mama has no boobies.
[09:53] (Flashback) Luna
    Work hard to make up for that, okay?
[09:56] (Flashback) Alyssa
    You phrased that like
    you meant something else!
[10:00] Giriko
    Good for you!
[10:02] Giriko
    You worked really hard.
[10:14] Giriko
    Thanks for the tea!
[10:16] Luna
    See you later.
[10:17] Alyssa
    Yep, get home safe.
[10:19] Viola
    Bye-bye!
[10:21] Viola
    Come back soon, aunties!
[10:24] Giriko/Viola
    You mean "sisters"!
[10:29] Viola
    What? Dating?
[10:30] Alyssa
    I mean, you're at that age, right?
[10:34] Alyssa
    So I wondered if you were
    interested in that stuff...
[10:36] Viola
    Why would you say that out of nowhere?!
[10:39] Viola
    I've never even thought about dating.
[10:41] Viola
    And I'm not interested at all.
[10:43] Alyssa
    Oh, good.
[10:45] Viola
    But actually...
[10:46] Viola
    I think a lot about what I'd do
    if you dated someone.
[10:50] Viola
    Don't you worry. I run
    different simulations in my mind,
[10:53] Viola
    so that I'll be ready to
    obliterate anyone at any time.
[10:57] Alyssa
    Why?!
[11:03] Viola
    Why did she suddenly bring that up?
[11:07] Viola
    Don't tell me Mama found someone?!
[11:10] Alyssa
    How lovely!
[11:12] Viola
    No! Mama's being stolen from me!
[11:15] Alyssa
    What? What's the matter?!
[11:17] Viola
    Don't date anyone, Mama!
[11:20] Alyssa
    There, there. I've never
    considered it even once in my life.
[11:25] Alyssa
    If you want a papa, though,
    I can make an effort... I guess...
[11:32] Viola
    I'd never say that!
[11:36] Viola
    If I wanted a papa, I could make one myself!
[11:39] Alyssa
    You mustn't create new life so casually!
[11:44] Alyssa
    Viola.
[11:47] Alyssa
    I mean it.
[11:49] Alyssa
    I've never considered dating.
[11:52] Alyssa
    It's always been fun just being with you.
[11:56] Alyssa
    So I'm plenty happy with just the two of us.
[12:00] Viola
    Mama...
[12:01] Papa Golem
    Mama!
[12:03] Alyssa
    I just said two and now there are four!
[12:05] Viola
    Fight!
[12:06] Viola
    Phoenix, Papa, do your best!
[12:08] Papa Golem
    Over the top!
[12:09] Phoenix
    I like thy spirit.
[12:12] Alyssa
    Viola.
[12:26] Viola
    What brought this on?
[12:31] Alyssa
    Oh, no reason.
SIGN    16 Years Ago
[12:36] Narrator
    Sixteen years ago...
[12:38] Giriko/Luna
    What?!
[12:39] Giriko/Luna
    Raise a baby you found?!
[12:42] Giriko
    That's a lot of work.
    Will you be able to do it alone?
[12:46] Luna
    It's a big responsibility!
    And it's not easy!
[12:50] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I know that.
[12:54] (Flashback) Alyssa
    It's okay. I'll stay by your side.
SIGN    The Educational Circumstances of the Mysterious Life Form
[13:08] Alyssa
    "The Educational Circumstances
    of the Mysterious Life-form."
[13:15] Alyssa
    You want a familiar?
[13:17] Viola
    Yeah. A cool one!
[13:21] Alyssa
    That explains why she's been
    so into summoning lately.
[13:25] Viola
    So, Mama...
[13:29] Phoenix
    Delicious.
[13:30] Viola
    I can keep Phoenix, right?
[13:32] Alyssa
    He's here again?!
[13:36] Alyssa
    We can't take care of either
    a phoenix or a dragon at home.
[13:40] Viola
    Okay.
[13:41] Alyssa
    Therefore...
[13:44] Alyssa
    Instead of a fantasy beast, why don't
    we get you something more standard?
[13:48] Alyssa
    What do you think?
[13:51] Viola
    I like fantasy beasts, 'cause they're cooler...
[13:54] Viola
    Well, it's a little conventional,
    but how about a cat?
[13:57] Alyssa
    That could be great!
[13:59] Alyssa
    I love cats!
[14:01] Alyssa
    I had a bunch when I was a kid.
[14:06] Viola
    No cats. I think they'd steal your love.
[14:09] Alyssa
    The possessiveness of an only child...
[14:13] Alyssa
    C'mon, let's get a cat! Cats are great!
[14:17] Alyssa
    They're the traditional witch's familiar,
[14:19] Alyssa
    and they're really popular
    in the witching industry!
[14:22] Viola
    No! You're already swooning at the idea!
[14:26] Alyssa
    It's okay, I'm sure you'll fall in love, too!
[14:30] Alyssa
    Cats are fluffy, and so cute!
[14:33] Viola
    I know, but...
[14:35] Alyssa
    I mean really fluffy!
[14:36] Alyssa
    Fluffy, and fuzzy, and silky,
    and soft, and warm!
[14:41] Alyssa
    Squooshy, and soft, and just so fluffy,
[14:44] Alyssa
    and they can stretch so
    much, and... soft kitty!
[14:46] Alyssa
    Soft kitty!
[14:47] Viola
    You're scaring me.
[14:49] Viola
    Look hard!
[14:50] Viola
    I'm softer than they are!
[14:52] Alyssa
    Ahem. Let's get back on topic.
[14:56] Alyssa
    If we're going with classic familiars,
    why not an owl or a crow?
[15:02] Alyssa
    They're clever and cute.
[15:03] Viola
    Don't wanna. Either would
    probably steal your love.
[15:07] Alyssa
    Her selection criteria have gotten weird.
[15:11] Alyssa
    What are you doing?
[15:12] Viola
    Look!
SIGN    Strong
SIGN    laser beams
     from its sides
SIGN    poops
    a lot
SIGN    creepy legs
[15:13] Viola
    I'll pick a gross monster that
    you would never dote over!
[15:18] Alyssa
    Do you really want a familiar like that?!
[15:26] Alyssa
    Listen, Viola...
[15:28] Alyssa
    We won't find one with only a vague image,
[15:31] Alyssa
    so let's think about it more specifically.
[15:34] Viola
    Good point.
[15:36] Viola
    Um...
[15:39] Viola
    Okay, then...
SIGN    Familiar
SIGN    Familiar
[15:51] Viola
    I want a familiar who's strong,
    and big, and cool,
[15:53] Viola
    and super flashy, who can shoot laser beams!
[15:58] Alyssa
    Her taste is like a boy's.
[16:02] Alyssa
    That's a little greedy,
[16:03] Alyssa
    so could you narrow it down
    to your must-haves?
SIGN    Let's lower
    the bar
[16:07] Narration
    Let's lower the bar.
[16:09] Viola
    Awww.
[16:13] Viola
    Okay, then.
SIGN    Familiar
[16:16] Viola
    Go!
SIGN    Familiar
[16:21] Viola
    I'll take a familiar who
    can shoot laser beams!
[16:23] Alyssa
    That's the point I most
    wanted you to compromise on!
[16:26] Viola
    Say, do the aunties have familiars?
[16:30] Viola
    I don't think I've ever seen them.
[16:31] Alyssa
    They sure do! They've never
    brought them here, though.
[16:35] Viola
    What kind?
[16:36] Alyssa
    Let's see...
[16:38] Alyssa
    Giriko's...
[16:40] Alyssa
    is a snake.
[16:42] Giriko
    Peace.
[16:43] Viola
    Oh, that suits her!
[16:45] Alyssa
    And Luna's...
[16:50] Alyssa
    Well, I guess you could say her
    familiars... beg for the privilege...
[16:56] Viola
    What? That's so cool!
[17:02] Viola
    Come to think of it, you
    don't have a familiar.
[17:06] Viola
    Why not?
[17:08] Alyssa
    Well, familiars are usually
    for research or protection...
[17:13] Alyssa
    Basically, you make a contract with one
    when you want help with something.
[17:18] Alyssa
    You help me with everything, so
    I guess I don't need a familiar.
[17:24] Viola
    Yes! I'll help!
[17:26] Viola
    I'll make mincemeat out of any bad guys!
[17:29] Alyssa
    I think I'd like all help to
    be as humane as possible...
[17:35] Alyssa
    More importantly, becoming
    a living being's guardian
[17:38] Alyssa
    is a lot of responsibility.
[17:43] Giriko
    That's a lot of work.
    Will you be able to do it alone?
[17:47] Luna
    It's a big responsibility!
    And it's not easy!
[17:54] Alyssa
    So if you're going to get a familiar, Viola,
[17:57] Alyssa
    think it over carefully.
SIGN    The Next Day
[18:05] Viola
    Mama?
[18:06] Alyssa
    Coming!
[18:08] Alyssa
    What is it?
[18:10] Viola
    Um...
[18:12] Alyssa
    What's that?
[18:14] Viola
    A flower seedling.
[18:15] Alyssa
    Um...
[18:17] Viola
    I thought things over when
    you asked me to yesterday.
[18:21] Viola
    I was so happy I can do summon
    magic that I got carried away.
[18:25] Viola
    I was taking familiars too lightly.
[18:30] Viola
    So I want to start by raising a plant.
[18:35] Alyssa
    Viola...
[18:36] Viola
    But I'm not taking plants
    lightly either, I swear!
[18:39] Viola
    I'll take care of it!
[18:41] Alyssa
    Okay.
[18:42] Viola
    I'll work extra hard to make up
    for returning Papa to the soil so soon.
[18:47] Papa
    Recycling...
[18:48] Alyssa
    He was a golem, honey! You
    couldn't have done anything else!
[18:51] Alyssa
    But it's okay. I know you can do it
[18:55] Alyssa
    because you thought it over for yourself.
[19:00] Alyssa
    I'll support you, so if you need
    to know anything, just ask.
[19:05] Viola
    Okay!
[19:07] Alyssa
    Great, shall we have tea?
[19:09] Viola
    Yes, please!
[19:11] Phoenix
    I see...
[19:15] Phoenix
    So thou hast only summoned me for fun.
[19:18] Phoenix
    Thy intent was never
    to make me thy familiar.
[19:21] Phoenix
    Well, that's fine.
[19:23] Phoenix
    Over the eons, I have seen
    mortals around the world
[19:27] Phoenix
    change their minds like this...
[19:30] Narrator
    And so they took responsibility
[19:32] Narrator
    for a life that was strong, big, cool, flashy,
[19:37] Narrator
    and probably able to shoot laser beams.
[19:52] Phoenix
    So young.
[19:57] Viola
    Well, it is still a seedling.
[20:00] Phoenix
    Thou shouldst grow stronger
    in order to protect thy contracted.
[20:04] Viola
    Are we treating it as a familiar?
[20:08] Phoenix
    Ah, thou undertakest waterfall training?
[20:11] Phoenix
    Then so shall I!
[20:20] Phoenix
    Nothing easier.
[20:22] Viola
    You're a phoenix. What's the point
    of competing with a seedling?
[20:26] Viola
    She's still growing up, you know.
[20:30] Phoenix
    Then watch closely, young seedling!
[20:33] Phoenix
    Growth hath no end.
[20:35] Viola
    Huh?!
[20:37] Viola
    Wow...
[20:38] Viola
    Your neck can stretch?
[20:40] Phoenix
    If I want to, I can go quite far!
[20:49] Viola
    Hey, that's enough. Come back down.
[20:52] Phoenix
    Ah, 'tis my contracted.
    I can still go further!
[20:55] Viola
    No! It's kinda scary!
[21:00] Phoenix
    Well? Thy senior is tall, is he not?
[21:03] Phoenix
    But no need to panic.
[21:05] Phoenix
    If thou workst diligently each day,
[21:08] Phoenix
    thou shalt be as fine
    a familiar as I one day!
[21:12] Viola
    He's good at caretaking,
    no matter what he says.
[21:21] Viola
    Phoenix?!
[21:24] Viola
    Oh no!
[21:26] Viola
    Here!
[21:33] Phoenix
    Ah, that's good.
[21:35] Viola
    This isn't a sauna...
[21:37] Viola
    Sheesh.
[21:39] Viola
    I promise I understand how
    strong you are now, Phoenix.
[21:44] Alyssa
    I'm home!
[21:47] Viola
    Welcome back, Mama!
[21:48] Alyssa
    Sorry, I ran late shopping.
[21:52] Alyssa
    I'll cook right aw—
[21:56] Viola
    Mama!
[21:57] Phoenix
    Art thou well, Mother?!
[22:04] Viola
    What's wrong?
[22:09] Alyssa
    He's like a cat!
SIGN    Preview
[22:59] Alyssa
    This is Alyssa.
[23:00] Viola
    This is Viola.
[23:01] Alyssa
    Ready, set...
[23:02] Alyssa/Viola
    Next time, on The Family Circumstances
    of the Irregular Witch...
[23:05] Viola
    The world is deeply moved by how
    Mama puts her all into raising me!
[23:08] Alyssa
    A helpful elfin boy we know visits!
[23:10] Viola
    "The Commonplace Circumstances
     of the Witch's Child-Rearing"!
[23:11] Alyssa
    The Commonplace Circumstances
     of the Witch's Child-Rearing
[23:11] Alyssa
    The Romantic Circumstances
    of the Little Brother Position
[23:12] Alyssa
    "The Romantic Circumstances
    of the Little Brother Position"!
[23:14] Viola
    Mama, I'll go get ready at Auntie Lira's.
[23:17] Alyssa
    What? "Get ready"?!