E9 - The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] (Flashback) Luna
    Cooking really is fun, isn't it?
[00:04] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I'm glad you're satisfied.
[00:07] (Flashback) Alyssa
    So, why are you really here?
[00:09] (Flashback) Luna
    You could tell?
[00:11] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Well, you only cook
    when something is on your mind.
[00:17] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Since you came here to do it,
    I thought you might want to talk.
[00:22] (Flashback) Luna
    The thing is, I had a vision.
[00:25] (Flashback) Luna
    You-know-who is coming soon.
[00:29] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Wh-Wh-Why?! How can I avoid this?!
[00:33] (Flashback) Luna
    I scried for that, but the answer
    was always "It's unavoidable."
[00:37] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Maybe you were mistaken!
[00:39] (Flashback) Luna
    You know how accurate my predictions are.
[00:42] (Flashback) Luna
    Still, keeping the secret for 16 years
    was a big accomplishment, right?
[01:00] Viola
    Mama's still being weird.
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    Family Circumstances of the Irregular Witch
SIGN    The Personal Circumstances of the Nervous Mama
[02:35] Viola
    "The Personal Circumstances
    of the Nervous Mama."
[02:40] Viola
    Mama's been worried nonstop.
[02:43] Viola
    But she won't talk to me about it...
[02:47] Viola
    It's probably pointless
    for me to ask her again.
[02:50] Viola
    What should I do?
[02:53] Phoenix
    Thou canst ask a third party.
[02:58] Viola
    That makes sense.
[03:04] Luna
    Ah, and that's why
    you're asking me directly?
[03:07] Luna
    If Alyssa doesn't want to tell
    you, I'm not sure I should.
[03:12] Viola
    Please, Auntie? Please!
[03:14] Luna
    Well...
[03:16] Luna
    I'm working right now.
    Can I call you back later?
[03:20] Viola
    Working? You have a client with you?
[03:23] Luna
    Yes.
[03:24] Earl
    Miss Luna!
[03:26] Earl
    Please guide this lost lamb—
    no, this dirty piggy!
[03:34] Luna
    My good little earl.
[03:37] Luna
    I'll examine all your bad parts.
[03:43] Earl
    Thank you so much!
[03:45] Earl
    Oink!
[03:46] Earl
    Oooooink!
[03:51] Giriko
    So, they talked about someone coming.
[03:55] Giriko
    I'm pretty sure I know what's up.
[03:57] Viola
    Really?!
[04:01] Giriko
    But if they're coming soon,
    I think it's best that you stay ignorant.
[04:05] Viola
    Huh?! Why?
[04:06] Giriko
    Because that's bound to make
    things more entertaining.
[04:09] Viola
    Stop seeking entertainment!
[04:11] Viola
    Come on, just a little hint?
[04:14] Giriko
    Oh hey, I just remembered
    that I saw a rainbow earthworm
[04:17] Rainbow Earthworm
    Rainbow!
[04:19] Giriko
    and a golden drone beetle
[04:19] Golden Drone Beetle
    Gold!
[04:21] Giriko
    having a turf war the other day!
[04:23] Viola
    OMG what?!?!
[04:25] Phoenix
    Thou hast allowed her to distract thee.
[04:32] Viola
    Neither of them told me.
[04:37] Viola
    Who else would know? Maybe Auntie Lira...
[04:40] Phoenix
    What of that young elf?
[04:42] Viola
    He's a last resort.
[04:45] Viola
    I hate the idea of Fennel knowing
    something about Mama that I don't.
[04:49] Phoenix
    Thy hostility is strong.
[04:51] Viola
    I at least want to know
    when this person is coming!
[04:54] Phoenix
    But Luna and Giriko did not speak
    as though the visitor were evil.
[04:59] Phoenix
    Why not wait until that fateful day?
[05:02] Viola
    No can do.
[05:04] Viola
    I want to get ready in case
    it's some homewrecker.
[05:08] Phoenix
    Ah, thou seekest military readiness.
[05:17] Lira
    Sorry, hon, I don't know.
[05:19] Viola
    Aw, man.
[05:21] Lira
    I can't even imagine someone Alyssa
    would be so reluctant to see...
[05:25] Viola
    Yes! Exactly!
[05:28] Viola
    We're talking about the woman who made tea
[05:30] Alyssa
    Here you go.
[05:31] Viola
    for a doctor who followed us home
    to steal Phoenix's organs!
[05:35] Alyssa
    Sheeta will be here to fetch you soon, okay?
[05:38] Lira
    How did that happen?
[05:41] Lira
    Alyssa took you in 16 years ago,
    and I moved here two years before that,
[05:47] Lira
    so we've known each other for 18 years.
[05:51] Lira
    But baby-faced or not, she's
    been alive over 200 years, right?
SIGN    Easygoing
[05:55] Lira
    There are bound to be sides of her
    that we don't know.
[06:00] Viola
    I know you're right, but I hate it!
[06:03] Lira
    No using poisonous herbs,
    no matter what happens, okay?
[06:03] Viola
    I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
[06:07] Lira
    I didn't think you'd really
    use those last time.
[06:11] Viola
    It's okay, I summoned a toxic koala.
[06:15] Lira
    What part of that is okay?
[06:21] Viola
    Anyway, putting all the info together:
[06:25] Viola
    It's someone Mama wants to avoid,
    but not badly enough to run away.
[06:29] Lira
    Mm-hmm.
[06:29] Viola
    Based on my aunties' reactions,
    the person probably won't cause harm.
[06:33] Lira
    Mm-hmm.
[06:34] Viola
    And it's someone she's
    reluctant to tell me about.
[06:36] Lira
    An ex-boyfriend?
[06:37] Viola
    No!
[06:38] Lira
    True. It could be an ex-girlfriend.
[06:41] Viola
    That's not what I meant!
    Sh-She told me she's never had a lover!
[06:46] Lira
    Well, then...
[06:47] Lira
    Maybe someone she never dated,
    but did have feelings for?
[06:48] Alyssa
    My heart belongs to you!
[06:51] Viola
    No! That might be an even deeper bond!
[07:01] Viola
    Sheesh, you're just teasing me now.
[07:05] Lira
    Sorry, kid. You really
    do love Alyssa, don't you?
[07:16] Lira
    Welcome. What might you be looking for?
[07:20] Auri
    Well, let me tell you.
[07:25] Auri
    Alyssa the witch.
[07:33] Auri
    Know her?
[07:36] Viola
    Wha... Wha-Wha-Wha...
[07:37] Viola
    Who is this guy?!
[07:43] Lira
    No smoking in my store.
[07:45] Auri
    Sorry, ma'am.
[07:50] Auri
    Sorry about that.
    I didn't intend to eavesdrop,
[07:55] Auri
    but I heard you two talking as I walked by.
[07:59] Lira
    You're looking for her?
[08:00] Auri
    I am, but all I know is
    that she lives in this area.
[08:04] Auri
    By the way, miss, what are you trying to do?
[08:07] Auri
    What's with the koala?
[08:09] Viola
    I wanted to release it into the woods.
[08:11] Auri
    Don't destroy the ecosystem.
[08:15] Auri
    That's dangerous! Move it back!
[08:18] Auri
    Why would you...
[08:20] Auri
    You...
[08:25] Auri
    Have we met somewhere before?
[08:31] Lira
    No pickup artistry in my store, either!
[08:35] Viola
    Auntie!
[08:36] Auri
    That hurts! And it was a serious question!
[08:37] Viola
    He's flashy and shallow...
[08:39] Lira
    All pickup artists say that!
[08:41] Viola
    He's got to be a homewrecker!
[08:44] Auri
    Ouch...
[08:45] Viola
    His whole existence is home-wrecking!
[08:49] Viola
    But there's no way he's Mama's type,
    so his crush is one-sided.
[08:53] Auri
    Kiss me.
SIGN    Kiss me
[08:54] Alyssa
    No!
SIGN    No!!
[08:56] Viola
    He came all the way here
[08:57] Viola
    because he couldn't forget Mama,
    since she's the cutest in the world.
[09:01] Viola
    Which means I'll strike first and win!
[09:04] Viola
    I know Alyssa very well.
[09:06] Auri
    What?
[09:07] Viola
    I'm her daughter, Viola.
[09:12] Viola
    What do you want with my mother?
[09:17] Viola
    That's right, Mama has me.
    I won't let you worm your way in!
[09:22] Viola
    I'll make you see that!
[09:24] Auri
    D-Daughter...
[09:26] Viola
    I did damage!
[09:27] Auri
    Um, is your father...
[09:29] Viola
    Not in the picture.
    It's always been just the two of us.
[09:32] Auri
    N-Not in the... It's just the two of you?!
[09:37] Viola
    I've never met my father, but
    that hasn't impacted our lifestyle.
[09:43] Viola
    Getting a father now would
    just be inconvenient...
[09:48] Viola
    Oh! I don't have a father,
    but sometimes I do call Papa.
[09:52] Papa
    I'll be back.
[09:55] Lira
    H-He's dead!
[09:58] Viola
    Total victory.
[09:59] Lira
    Total victory, my butt!
    How do we clean this up?
[10:02] Viola
    Toxic koala!
[10:05] Lira
    I didn't mean "finish him off"!
[10:08] Viola
    It's okay.
[10:09] Viola
    The poison we just used was only
    a "give him loose stools" one.
[10:13] Lira
    Boring and gross!
[10:15] Lira
    Be a little less poison-happy, please!
[10:19] Lira
    Sheesh... You went too far.
[10:22] Lira
    Now we can't even ask him who he is.
[10:27] Alyssa
    Oh, there you are.
[10:29] Viola
    Mama!
[10:30] Alyssa
    Phoen told me what you're doing.
    Are you causing Lira trouble?
[10:35] Lira
    Perfect timing, Alyssa.
[10:46] Auri
    Alyssa!
[10:49] Alyssa
    What are you doing here, Dad?!
[10:51] Auri
    I came to visit my daughter!
[10:54] Viola
    Huh?
[10:55] Lira
    Huh?
[10:55] Phoenix
    Huh?
[10:56] Papa
    What?
[10:57] All but Alyssa & Auri
    Huh?!
[11:10] Alyssa
    Allow me to introduce you.
[11:13] Alyssa
    This is my father, Auri.
SIGN    Auri
SIGN    Witch / Status: Poisoned
[11:16] Auri
    I'm her father.
[11:19] Auri
    And are you "Papa"?!
[11:22] Lira
    Calm down!
SIGN    The Family Circumstances
    of the Questionable Visitor
[11:25] Auri
    "The Family Circumstances
    of the Questionable Visitor."
[11:36] Auri
    Okay, I understand the circumstances.
[11:39] Auri
    Your father isn't in the picture
    because you were abandoned,
[11:42] Auri
    and Alyssa is not married.
[11:46] Auri
    Thank good—
[11:49] Alyssa
    He threw up.
SIGN    Ex-spelling
SIGN    °It is not puking.
[11:50] Narrator
    Ex-spelling. It's not puking!
[11:53] Auri
    She doesn't have a father,
    but she said she has a papa!
[11:57] Auri
    I was scared!
[11:59] Viola
    I-I'm sorry.
[12:01] Lira
    You're quite young for a dad.
    How old are you?
[12:05] Auri
    Hmm, I'm pretty sure I'm 350.
[12:09] Viola
    That old?!
[12:10] Auri
    Uh-huh... Huh?
[12:12] Auri
    I'm pretty sure I haven't
    hit 400... probably...
[12:17] Auri
    A lot of things stop mattering
    when you hit 300.
[12:20] Lira
    That's also true of humans, though
    it's a different number for us.
[12:24] Auri
    So, granddaughter, how old are you?
[12:26] Viola
    Me?
[12:27] Viola
    I'm sixteen.
[12:28] Auri
    S-S-Sixteen?! Then you were
    an embryo not too long ago!
[12:32] Lira
    Yep, they're family.
[12:33] Auri
    Why would you keep something
    so important from me?!
[12:36] Alyssa
    You would've been against me taking her in!
[12:38] Auri
    You bet I would! Your 200s
    is too young to raise a child!
[12:42] Auri
    You're still young enough
    to want your dad to spoil you!
[12:45] Alyssa
    Not really.
[12:46] Auri
    No way!
[12:47] Alyssa
    You overreact to everything!
    That's why I didn't want to tell you!
[12:52] Lira
    Everyone settle down.
[12:54] Lira
    Honestly, though, isn't 16 years
    too long to stay silent?
[12:59] Alyssa/Auri
    Huh?
[13:02] Alyssa
    Huh?
[13:04] Auri
    Is that a long time?
[13:06] Alyssa
    I guess it's a while to not talk to family?
[13:11] Phoenix
    'Tis but a moment.
[13:12] Lira
    Here we go again with
    the long-lived's loose grasp of time.
[13:18] Alyssa
    I was planning to introduce you eventually.
[13:21] Alyssa
    I just thought maybe I'd wait
    until she was older.
SIGN    Why?
[13:27] Alyssa
    You're a bad influence.
[13:29] Auri
    My existence is inappropriate for kids?
    Why would you say that?!
[13:32] Auri
    You're hurting your dad's feelings!
[13:35] Alyssa
    Then let me ask you this:
    Why haven't you contacted me?
[13:42] Auri
    There was a warrant out for my arrest.
[13:44] Alyssa
    I rest my case.
[13:46] Lira
    You may be Alyssa's family,
    but criminals don't get a pass!
[13:48] Phoenix
    Eternal!
[13:49] Auri
    No, no, my case was dismissed!
[13:52] Auri
    I had a tryst with a nobleman's wife, and
    he framed me out of unjust resentment!
[13:56] Alyssa
    Doesn't sound unjust.
[13:59] Auri
    I did beat up someone following me,
    but that was self-defense!
[14:03] Auri
    The way they withdrew the warrant
    after the storm blew over proves it!
[14:07] Auri
    I'm innocent as a lamb!
[14:09] Alyssa
    Just stop talking.
[14:11] Auri
    I'm not perfect,
[14:12] Auri
    but I've never raised a hand against
    a woman, child, or small animal!
[14:15] Auri
    Please believe me!
[14:16] Alyssa
    You think anything not
    on that list is fine, don't you?
[14:20] Alyssa
    He's always been like this!
[14:23] Alyssa
    When I was a kid...
[14:28] (Flashback) Auri
    What? Other kids are bullying you?
[14:31] (Flashback) Auri
    Got it. Dad'll kill them all for you!
[14:34] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    No, don't!
[14:36] (Flashback) Auri
    You want to do it yourself?
[14:38] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    Huh?
[14:39] (Flashback) Auri
    That's my little girl!
[14:41] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    Huh?!
[14:41] (Flashback) Auri
    Take this.
[14:44] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    It's heavy!
[14:47] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    That's not it, Dad.
[14:50] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    I don't wanna beat up the meanies.
[14:54] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    I wanna get along with everyone.
[15:04] Young Alyssa
    He reacted like a monster
    who'd never heard of kindness.
[15:07] Phoenix
    Art thou sure he wasn't literally a monster?
[15:10] Alyssa
    And when Luna and Giriko visited...
[15:11] (Flashback) Young Giriko
    Alyssa!
[15:12] (Flashback) Young Luna
    We're here!
[15:13] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    Welcome!
[15:15] (Flashback) Auri
    Hiya, girls.
[15:18] (Flashback) Young Giriko
    Uh-oh, the loser.
[15:19] (Flashback) Young Luna
    Does the day drinking mean you won?
[15:22] (Flashback) Auri
    Yep, 30,000 at the casino! Yay!
[15:25] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    Don't be so proud!
[15:27] (Flashback) Young Giriko
    You seem like someone who'll lose big
    and sell his organs someday.
[15:30] (Flashback) Young Luna
    Is that what happened to your eye?
[15:33] (Flashback) Auri
    This?
[15:35] (Flashback) Auri
    It wasn't a gambling thing;
    my youth was just a wild ride.
[15:39] (Flashback) Auri
    I plucked it out myself!
[15:45] (Flashback) Auri
    Lessee, I think I dug
    my finger in there and—
[15:47] (Flashback) Young Alyssa
    Dad!
[15:49] Lira
    His existence is inappropriate for kids.
[15:51] Alyssa
    Remembering this stuff
    put me off. Just go home!
[15:54] Auri
    Aw, let me granddaddy!
[15:57] Phoenix
    Thou art weak to grandchildren.
[15:59] Viola
    What's the problem?
    I think he's wild and cool!
[16:02] Alyssa
    Stop! If you say that—
[16:05] Auri
    Shall I buy you a castle?
[16:08] Alyssa
    See? He's already spoiling you!
[16:10] Viola
    One with lots of cannons in the walls?
[16:13] Phoenix
    Oho, they are well-matched!
[16:17] Lira
    It's not really my place
    to say this, but I'm impressed
[16:19] Lira
    that you're accepting
    the surprise grandkid so easily.
[16:23] Auri
    Well, my family's kinda complicated too,
[16:26] Auri
    so this falls within acceptable limits.
[16:29] Lira
    Complicated?
[16:31] Alyssa
    Mom and Dad are siblings!
[16:33] Lira
    Let's not talk about this!
[16:35] Alyssa
    Oh, not like that! I meant like this!
[16:39] Narrator
    Insert illustration of a brother
    who co-parents his older sister's child.
SIGN    Birth
SIGN    Sister
SIGN    Brother
SIGN    Co-parenting
[16:43] Lira
    Y-You gave me a scare.
[16:46] Alyssa
    There are some other complexities, too,
[16:49] Alyssa
    but it's thanks to my parents
    that I realize family is family,
[16:53] Alyssa
    even if it's not a "normal" one.
[16:57] Lira
    How wonderful.
[16:59] Auri
    Sorry, but I haven't accepted
    the ones behind you as family.
[17:03] Papa
    Family!
[17:04] Auri
    Don't immediately bring more in!
[17:06] Auri
    Well, anyway, I'm just glad
    you're doing all right.
[17:11] Auri
    I guess I'll be on my way home.
[17:14] Viola
    What? You're leaving already?
[17:17] Alyssa
    You're not throwing a tantrum about
    staying with me? What's wrong?!
[17:18] Auri
    Lemme stay with you!
[17:20] Auri
    Do you want to see
    a 350-year-old throw a tantrum?
[17:24] Auri
    True, I hate to leave, but I can't
    cause you that much trouble.
[17:30] Auri
    I'll come visit again soon.
[17:35] Auri
    See you.
[17:38] Alyssa
    It's not!
[17:41] Alyssa
    It's not... too much trouble
    if you stay overnight...
[17:46] Alyssa
    Why not spend some time here?
[17:49] Auri
    Alyssa...
[17:51] Alyssa
    I-I do feel sorta guilty
    that I never brought up Viola!
[17:55] Alyssa
    Plus, it looks like you won't
    do anything weird to her, so...
[18:05] Lira
    Actually, he hit on Viola earlier.
[18:10] Alyssa
    Never come back!
[18:12] Auri
    This is a misunderstanding!
[18:17] Viola
    Gee, I wish I could've talked
    to Grandpa more.
[18:22] Viola
    He'll visit again soon anyway.
[18:24] Viola
    I guess you really weren't born
    from a flower, huh?
SIGN    Flower!!
[18:28] Alyssa
    You still believed that?!
[18:31] Alyssa
    Oh, but your grandma visited you once.
[18:35] Viola
    When? I don't remember that.
[18:38] Viola
    She only came once,
    when you were still a baby.
[18:41] Viola
    I forgot I hadn't mentioned it.
[18:43] Alyssa
    She's a real free spirit,
    so she drops off the map a lot.
[18:48] Alyssa
    I haven't seen her
    since I introduced her to you.
[18:51] Alyssa
    I wonder what she's doing now.
[18:58] Auri
    Damn it, our first reunion in a while,
    and all I got was beaten up.
[19:05] Auri
    And I have indigestion for some reason...
[19:10] Auri
    I'd be lying if I said
[19:12] Auri
    I didn't have designs on her
    before I knew she was my grandkid...
[19:20] Auri
    But I really do feel
    like I've met her before.
SIGN    Preview
[20:44] Viola
    This is Viola!
[20:45] Alyssa
    This is Alyssa!
[20:46] Viola
    Next time on The Family Circumstances
    of the Irregular Witch...
[20:49] Alyssa
    Where are you going?
[20:50] Viola
    To Auntie Lira's.
    I'm going shopping with her son.
[20:54] Alyssa
    "The Troubled Circumstances
    of the Confined Son."
[20:56] Viola
    "The Public Park Circumstances
    of Heart vs. Tongue"!
SIGN    The Troubled Circumstances of the Confined Son
SIGN    The Public Park Circumstances of Heart vs. Tongue
[20:59] Alyssa
    Have fun and be careful!
[21:00] Viola
    See you later!
[21:51] Alyssa
    What's that?
[22:02] Alyssa
    "Sit at the desk and get ready. –Viola"
[22:07] Alyssa
    A paper and pen?
[22:09] Alyssa
    Is this what I'm supposed to do?
[22:13] Alyssa
    Phoen?
[22:15] Phoenix
    A song for children to draw
    my likeness on a white plane
[22:20] Phoenix
    to an airy little tune.
[22:27] Alyssa
    What's going on?
[22:29] Viola
    And now, please listen
    to the Phoenix Drawing Song!
SIGN    The Phoenix Drawing Song
[22:43] Viola
    ♪ Two holes suddenly opened ♪
[22:46] Phoenix
    Watch thy step.
[22:47] Viola
    ♪ A diamond fell down, too ♪
[22:50] Phoenix
    'Tis crystalline carbon.
[22:51] Viola
    ♪ Careful, it's dangerous ♪
[22:53] Viola
    ♪ You mustn't go in here ♪
[22:56] Phoenix
    I forbid entry to all.
[22:59] Viola
    ♪ Then three legs grow ♪
[23:02] Phoenix
    The recklessness of youth!
[23:03] Viola
    ♪ "Oh, no!" ♪
[23:05] Viola
    ♪ He tripped and rolled over ♪
[23:07] Viola
    ♪ And we rolled with that ♪
[23:09] Phoenix
    We told thee to be careful.
[23:10] Viola
    ♪ Phoenix has been summoned! ♪
[23:16] Phoenix
    Seekest thou power?
[23:24] Viola
    Well? Could you draw along, Mama?
[23:28] Viola
    Mama?
[23:29] Alyssa
    Amazing! I drew Phoen perfectly!
    And your singing was wonderful!
[23:37] Viola/Phoenix
    Brilliant work.