E2 - The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing/The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Viola
    Hi, Auntie Lira!
[00:07] Lira
    Oh, hello there.
[00:11] Lira
    What are you looking for today?
[00:13] Lira
    Poisonous herbs, please!
    I need them to defeat the enemy.
[00:19] Lira
    Who exactly are you battling?
SIGN    The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing
[01:54] Viola
    "The Commonplace Circumstances
    of the Witch's Child-Rearing."
[02:01] Lira
    Just one sec.
[02:03] Lira
    I can't believe my little Viola
    is old enough to shop alone now.
[02:11] Lira
    No wonder I feel old!
[02:13] Viola
    You say that all the time, Auntie.
[02:17] Lira
    Of course I do.
[02:20] Lira
    I remember it like it was only yesterday...
SIGN    16 Years Ago
[02:25] Narrator
    Sixteen years ago...
[02:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I waited there for a while, but no one came.
[02:38] (Flashback) Lira
    When I find whoever abandoned
    her, I'll break their skull!
SIGN    Lira, Age 24
[02:44] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Please calm down!
[02:46] (Flashback) Lira
    Not a chance! You realize
    she could have died?!
[02:50] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Still, we don't know their circumstances.
[02:53] (Flashback) Lira
    Fine, I'll decide which bones
    to break based on their reasons.
[02:57] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Please stop contemplating violence!
[03:04] (Flashback) Lira
    Why are you taking her in?
[03:07] (Flashback) Lira
    You could find her foster parents instead.
[03:11] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Well, she has a lot of magic for a human,
[03:14] (Flashback) Alyssa
    and she can't control it yet.
[03:17] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Normally, witches and mages can
    control their magic from birth.
[03:24] (Flashback) Alyssa
    So I think teaching her to use her magic
[03:27] (Flashback) Alyssa
    might be difficult even for
    a witch, let alone a human.
[03:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I wasn't normal either, so
    I think I might be able to help her.
[03:45] (Flashback) Lira
    All right. I'll lend a hand.
[03:48] (Flashback) Alyssa
    You don't mind?!
[03:49] (Flashback) Lira
    It's what you came to ask me, isn't it?
[03:52] (Flashback) Lira
    I just had a son, after all.
[03:57] (Flashback) Lira
    Leave the breast milk to me.
[03:59] (Flashback) Lira
    This is exactly why I have two boobs.
[04:03] (Flashback) Alyssa
    That's almost too reassuring.
[04:07] Lira
    You used to latch on to these babies
    so hard my husband was jealous.
[04:11] Lira
    You were like a ravenous beast.
[04:14] Viola
    Don't phrase it like that!
[04:22] Viola
    Thank you!
[04:23] Viola
    I really owe you a lot.
[04:28] Lira
    Kids shouldn't worry about those things.
[04:31] Lira
    Plus, Alyssa was more trouble than you were.
[04:35] Viola
    Mama was?
[04:36] Lira
    You bet.
[04:38] Lira
    You know how she goes haring off in weird
    directions when she overthinks things.
[04:42] Lira
    She used to run in circles
    about child-rearing, too.
[04:47] Lira
    She even started researching
    breast milk magic.
[04:51] Viola
    You weren't kidding about trouble.
[04:54] (Flashback) Alyssa
    It's no good... It's just not working!
[04:57] (Flashback) Viola
    What's this for? I know
    you're giving her enough milk!
[05:03] (Flashback) Viola
    But these parenting books say
[05:05] (Flashback) Viola
    if I don't breastfeed her,
    I don't love her enough!
[05:10] (Flashback) Lira
    Pompous bullshit!
[05:12] (Flashback) Alyssa
    You did that barehanded?!
[05:13] (Flashback) Lira
    Use this time to sing her a damn song
[05:16] (Flashback) Lira
    and don't waste it on sketchy books!
[05:18] (Flashback) Lira
    Her heart will keep beating and
    her stomach will keep digesting
[05:22] (Flashback) Lira
    whether you breastfeed her or not!
[05:24] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Yes, ma'am!
[05:26] (Flashback) Lira
    Tell me everything you're
    worried about right now.
[05:29] (Flashback) Lira
    I'll help.
[05:30] (Flashback) Lira
    You'll make things worse
    if you freak out again.
[05:34] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Thank you very much.
[05:36] (Flashback) Alyssa
    There is more, actually...
[05:38] (Flashback) Alyssa
    On the magical control front,
[05:41] (Flashback) Alyssa
    she summons things in her sleep.
[05:46] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I'm so worried it might
    continue into adulthood.
[05:50] (Flashback) Lira
    I see, she's bed-spelling.
SIGN    Bed-spelling
[05:53] Narrator
    Bed-spelling!
[05:54] (Flashback) Lira
    These kinds of accidents stop as they grow,
[05:58] (Flashback) Lira
    so you shouldn't sweat them too much now.
[06:00] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Please don't compare magic to peeing!
[06:03] (Flashback) Lira
    Does she cry at night? Are you okay?
[06:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
    It varies, but on bad nights,
    we can't sleep at all.
[06:10] (Flashback) Lira
    It's basically like baby sleep-talking.
[06:14] (Flashback) Lira
    Watch them for about a minute,
    and they'll stop crying.
[06:17] Narrator
    This varies by person.
SIGN    This varies by person
[06:18] (Flashback) Alyssa
    What?!
[06:22] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I figured if she wouldn't
    sleep we'd just stay up,
[06:24] (Flashback) Alyssa
    but that ended in
    a late-night broom joyride!
[06:28] (Flashback) Lira
    You can be pretty bold sometimes.
[06:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Let me see, what else...
[06:33] (Flashback) Alyssa
    You know how babies are
    stronger than they look?
SIGN    Powerful
    Grips
[06:37] Narrator
    They have powerful grips!
SIGN    Powerful
    Kicks
[06:41] (Flashback) Narrator
    And powerful kicks!
[06:44] (Flashback) Lira
    Well, they don't know how to hold back.
[06:46] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Viola, in particular, packs a lot of punch
[06:50] (Flashback) Alyssa
    when her power-up magic activates.
[06:53] (Flashback) Lira
    Wow, she's a little monster
    in the literal sense.
[06:58] (Flashback) Lira
    Maybe we're kindred spirits!
[07:00] (Flashback) Lira
    My parents say I used to
    wreck the house as a baby, too.
[07:06] (Flashback) Alyssa
    That was your innate
    physical strength, right?
[07:09] (Flashback) Lira
    But doesn't all that keep your hands
    too full for housekeeping?
[07:13] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I'm okay on that front.
[07:16] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I can manage the simple stuff with magic.
[07:19] (Flashback) Lira
    Wow, that's amazing.
[07:22] (Flashback) Alyssa
    People who raise children
    without magic are more amazing!
[07:26] (Flashback) Alyssa
    You have it tougher doing
    everything yourself, but me...
[07:31] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I'm a terrible person who takes
    shortcuts with everything...
[07:36] (Flashback) Lira
    Okay, stop right there.
[07:38] (Flashback) Lira
    Taking shortcuts is the key to housekeeping.
[07:40] (Flashback) Lira
    I've been known to eat wheat straight
    from the bag to avoid cooking!
[07:45] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Isn't that more than a shortcut?!
[07:47] Narrator
    Do not try this at home.
SIGN    Do not try this at home
[07:51] (Flashback) Lira
    It's just not worth cooking
    when my hubby's not home!
[07:55] (Flashback) Alyssa
    You're amazing, Lira.
[07:58] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Me, all I do is make mistakes.
[08:02] (Flashback) Alyssa
    I'm not a good mother.
[08:05] (Flashback) Lira
    Don't be silly.
[08:08] (Flashback) Lira
    Your attention to detail has saved me, too.
[08:14] (Flashback) Lira
    Hmm... This is enough baby food, right?
[08:17] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Most people can't eat that much!
[08:20] (Flashback) Lira
    We don't know what's
    a mistake until we do it.
[08:24] (Flashback) Lira
    I understand worrying because
    you care about your baby.
[08:28] (Flashback) Lira
    But every family raises children differently.
[08:33] (Flashback) Lira
    If your family keeps smiling together,
    then you're doing it right.
[08:38] (Flashback) Alyssa
    Lira...
[08:45] Viola
    You'd just had your first baby then, right?
[08:50] Viola
    How did you get such an air of authority?
[08:52] Lira
    It's not important.
[08:56] Alyssa
    Hello!
[08:57] Alyssa
    Have you seen Viola?
[09:00] Viola
    Mama!
[09:02] Viola
    We were just talking about you.
[09:05] Alyssa
    Oh? Nothing too bad, I hope!
[09:09] Viola
    Nope! Wanna know?
[09:12] Alyssa
    Yes!
[09:13] Viola
    Hmm, should I tell you?
[09:13] Lira
    Alyssa...
[09:14] Alyssa
    Aw, come on, tell me!
[09:14] Lira
    I don't think you got it wrong at all.
[09:16] Viola
    I'll think about it.
[09:18] Alyssa
    Why are you teasing me?
[09:20] Viola
    I'll think about it.
[09:20] Lira
    Watching you two makes me think
[09:23] Lira
    I should try to get along
    better with my son.
[09:26] Alyssa
    He's just going through puberty.
[09:29] Alyssa
    I haven't seen him lately. Is he doing well?
[09:32] Lira
    Wait right here, I'll call him down.
[09:36] Lira
    Hey, spoiled brat! Viola and her mom are here!
[09:40] Lira's Son
    Shut up, hag! I just pulled
    an all-nighter, so lemme sleep!
[09:50] Lira
    How dare you speak to your mother that way?!
[09:52] Lira's Son
    Don't barge into my room!
[09:54] Lira
    Take that!
[09:56] Lira's Son
    I'm sorry I talked back!
[09:59] Viola
    I guess every family raises
    children differently...
[10:18] Viola
    Mama! I finished picking
    the herbs over here!
[10:22] Alyssa
    Okay, one minute!
[10:25] Alyssa
    We've picked enough medicinals,
    so next we'll do tea—
[10:28] Fennel
    Alyssa!
[10:32] Alyssa
    Fennel!
SIGN    The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position
[10:37] Fennel
    "The Romantic Circumstances
    of the Little Brother Position."
[10:42] Fennel
    Is now a good time?
[10:43] Alyssa
    Sure!
[10:45] Fennel
    I came to buy this month's stock.
SIGN    Fennel / Elfin merchant
SIGN    Age 183
[10:51] Alyssa
    Thank you for always coming all this way.
[10:55] Fennel
    Oh, no. I look forward to
    seeing you every month, Alyssa.
[11:05] Fennel
    What are you burning, you jerk?!
[11:07] Viola
    Poison.
[11:08] Fennel
    Don't try to kill me the second I get here!
[11:14] Alyssa
    I apologize for my daughter!
[11:16] Alyssa
    Are you hurt?
[11:17] Fennel
    Don't worry, Alyssa.
[11:20] Alyssa
    Honestly! Why do you always bully Fennel?
[11:24] Alyssa
    Apologize!
[11:26] Viola
    He started it when we met.
SIGN    Viola, Age 6
[11:29] Fennel
    Nice to meet you.
[11:32] (Flashback) Fennel
    You can think of me as your dad.
[11:40] Viola
    I've hated your guts ever since.
[11:43] Fennel
    You're taking your grudge too far.
[11:45] Viola
    You make eyes at Mama! You're my enemy!
[11:49] Fennel
    I-I-I do not make eyes, you dummy!
[11:52] Alyssa
    He's right, you're being rude!
[11:54] Alyssa
    There's never been anything like that
    between me and Fennel!
[11:58] Alyssa
    He's like my little brother!
[12:01] Fennel
    Y-Yes, of course...
[12:07] Fennel
    You brat!
[12:09] Alyssa
    You were still just a child
    when we first met.
SIGN    100 Years Ago
[12:13] Alyssa
    You've grown so much. What fond memories!
[12:17] Fennel
    You haven't aged a day, Alyssa.
[12:21] Viola
    I've been with her since
    I was a baby, of course.
[12:24] Fennel
    Yeah, so what?
[12:26] Alyssa
    I remember walking with you at night
    because you were scared of monsters.
[12:30] Fennel
    Please forget that!
[12:33] Viola
    She changed my diapers.
[12:36] Fennel
    What kind of competition is this?!
[12:38] Alyssa
    Now, now. Shall we have some tea?
[12:42] Alyssa
    Fennel, you go ahead and sit down.
[12:45] Fennel
    Oh, you don't have to...
[12:53] Alyssa
    Here, Viola, you take this out to him.
[12:56] Viola
    Yes, Mama.
[13:00] Viola
    Here you go.
[13:01] Fennel
    What are you, an evil ramen cook?
[13:03] Alyssa
    That's dirty! You know better!
[13:06] Alyssa
    You're drinking that as punishment!
[13:08] Alyssa
    And make Fennel a fresh cup!
[13:11] Viola
    I'm sorry!
[13:12] Fennel
    Ha, someone got yelled at.
[13:23] Fennel
    No, wait—she planned all that in advance.
[13:27] Fennel
    To prevent me from drinking
    the tea Alyssa made!
[13:36] Alyssa
    All right, here are this month's goods.
[13:40] Fennel
    Thank you very much.
[13:43] Alyssa
    It's a huge help that you
    buy so much each month.
[13:47] Fennel
    Really, you're helping me.
[13:50] Fennel
    Your medicines and herbs are bestsellers!
[13:54] Viola
    What about my specially
    selected funky mandragoras?
[13:59] Fennel
    It pains me to admit it,
    but they're pretty popular.
[14:02] Phoenix
    Wouldst thou like the precious
    mud gems I polished?
[14:06] Narrator
    They're just mud balls.
SIGN    Just mud balls
[14:08] Fennel
    W-Wait, who are you?!
[14:11] Viola
    This is Phoenix. He's my familiar now.
[14:14] Fennel
    Are you sure he's not
    a doodle you materialized?
[14:17] Fennel
    Don't trouble Alyssa by picking
    up any more... weirdos...
[14:22] Fennel
    Back off!
[14:23] Viola
    Excuse me? I don't need you to tell me that.
[14:27] Viola
    I even said goodbye to
    Papa, like Mama told me to.
[14:33] Fennel
    P-Papa?! Goodbye?! What?!
[14:38] Alyssa
    A golem! She's talking about a golem!
[14:42] Fennel
    Crap! It was a misunderstanding,
    but I can't afford to feel relieved!
[14:47] Fennel
    I have to get out of the
    "little brother" position now,
[14:47] Alyssa
    You liked him that much?
[14:49] Viola
    Yeah.
[14:49] Fennel
    or it really will be too late!
[14:52] Fennel
    But declaring my love right now
    is more than I can do.
[14:55] Fennel
    I haven't spent a century
    pining after her just for fun.
[14:58] Fennel
    I need to start by getting
    her to notice I'm a grown man.
[15:03] Fennel
    I'm gonna do it!
[15:06] Fennel
    I'm gonna say something so smooth,
    she'll have to notice me!
[15:13] Fennel
    Um... Um... Ummm...
[15:20] Fennel
    A-Alyssa?
[15:22] Fennel
    What would you do if my
    hands turned into broccoli?
SIGN    Forest Person
[15:26] Narrator
    Forest person.
[15:28] Alyssa
    Huh?!
[15:29] Alyssa
    I would worry!
[15:31] Alyssa
    A-Are you okay? Are you tired, maybe?!
[15:35] Fennel
    No... This is not the way
    I wanted her to notice me.
[15:41] Alyssa
    I-I know! Let's get some
    sugar in you. I'll go get cake!
[15:45] Fennel
    Please don't trouble yourself!
[15:48] Viola
    Hey, Fennel.
[15:50] Fennel
    What do you want?
[15:51] Viola
    Want me to tell you why
    you haven't been erased yet?
[15:55] Fennel
    That's a scary opener.
[15:57] Viola
    It's because I trust you.
[16:01] Viola
    I trust that you're too much
    of a wimp to get anywhere!
[16:05] Fennel
    How dare you mock me!
[16:06] Viola
    But I can't led my guard down.
[16:08] Viola
    I'm gonna keep interfering, so suck it up.
[16:11] Fennel
    In your dreams, ninny.
[16:14] Fennel
    You never learn, do you?
[16:16] Fennel
    Poor you, always getting
    in trouble with Alyssa.
[16:19] Fennel
    Maybe you should get smarter
    about your interference.
[16:22] Phoenix
    Eternal Breath!
[16:26] Viola
    From now on my cover will be
    "accidents" while playing with Phoenix.
[16:30] Fennel
    Great, thanks for explaining!
[16:33] Alyssa
    All right, here are the cakes!
[16:37] Alyssa
    What are you doing?!
[16:39] Phoenix
    I bequeathed upon him a kiss of friendship.
[16:42] Alyssa
    His entire head was in your mouth!
[16:44] Alyssa
    Fennel, are you all right?
[16:48] Alyssa
    The poor thing is
    hyperventilating from shock!
[16:51] Viola
    No, he's panting because he's on your lap!
[16:55] Viola
    I'm sorry.
SIGN    She got majorly scolded
[16:57] Narrator
    She got majorly scolded.
[17:02] Alyssa
    I'm sorry! I'm so, so, so sorry!
[17:05] Fennel
    Really, it's all right. No need to bow.
[17:09] Fennel
    We can't stop the mama's girl rampage.
[17:11] Fennel
    Instead of trying to change her,
    let's figure out how to coexist.
[17:14] Alyssa
    Like she's a wild animal?!
[17:16] Fennel
    Truly, though, please don't feel guilty.
[17:21] Fennel
    I've known her since she was little.
[17:24] Fennel
    I know it's her version of horseplay.
[17:29] Fennel
    Th-The "dad" thing was a joke, but
    I guess I do think of her as family...
[17:35] Fennel
    I'm sorry, that's presumptuous, isn't it?
[17:38] Alyssa
    No, not at all!
[17:43] Alyssa
    Thank you for getting along with Viola.
[17:51] Alyssa
    I hope you'll keep caring for her.
[17:58] Fennel
    There's no way to compete
    with her daughter, is there?!
[18:04] Alyssa
    Fennel, come visit anytime,
    even if it's not purchase day.
[18:08] Fennel
    Sure...
[18:17] Viola
    Next time I'll set magic traps.
[18:20] Phoenix
    I approve of thine indefatigable spirit!
[18:36] Fennel
    I'm so glad Alyssa was pleased.
[18:41] Fennel
    Nothing makes a merchant happier.
[18:51] Fennel
    Viola, what are you doing?
SIGN    Catch or Be Caught
[19:01] Viola
    You'll give it a try, right?
[19:05] Viola
    Of course you will.
[19:15] Fennel
    Huh?!
[19:19] Viola
    You'll try jinn eel fishing, right?
[19:21] Fennel
    Huh?
SIGN    Jinn Eel Fishing
[19:24] Narrator
    Jinn eel fishing!
[19:29] Viola
    Here, your rod.
[19:31] Fennel
    I'm not playing this shady game.
[19:34] Viola
    Don't worry, there are no sharp hooks.
[19:37] Viola
    When a jinn eel eats the bait,
    it'll volunteer itself.
[19:43] Viola
    Watch.
[19:47] Viola
    If you catch three eels
    in three minutes, you win.
[19:49] Fennel
    I told you, I'm not doing it!
[19:53] Viola
    The prize is a sweet secret photo.
[19:59] Fennel
    Could it be of Alyssa?
[20:01] Fennel
    All right! I'll pull up the whole lot of them!
[20:06] Viola
    Ready...
[20:08] Viola
    Start!
[20:21] Fennel
    Huh? They're not eating the bait.
[20:28] Fennel
    They're seriously teasing me!
[20:31] Viola
    You're so bad at this. Gotta hold the rod up!
[20:34] Viola
    Now jiggle it! No, downward!
[20:37] Fennel
    Shut up, you're distracting me.
[20:43] Fennel
    What the heck?
[20:44] Viola
    It's the super-big chance!
[20:46] Viola
    Gold! The gold is coming!
[20:48] Fennel
    Gold? Don't tell me it's...
[20:56] Viola
    Here it is! The golden jinn eel
    is super-rare and lucky!
[21:00] Viola
    You only need one to win!
[21:03] Fennel
    You're on!
[21:05] Fennel
    I'll catch it no matter what it takes,
    and I'll get a photo of Alyssa!
[21:13] Fennel
    Got it!
[21:15] Fennel
    It's crazy strong.
[21:17] Fennel
    I feel like I'm getting reeled in!
[21:25] Fennel
    Take this!
[21:30] Fennel
    Did you see that? I did it!
[21:36] Viola
    Too bad. You got Phoenix!
[21:41] Fennel
    Oi...
[21:44] Fennel
    You jerks never intended to
    let me catch one, did you?
[22:58] Alyssa
    This is Alyssa.
SIGN    Preview
[23:00] Viola
    This is Viola.
[23:01] Alyssa
    Next time on The Family Circumstances
    of the Irregular Witch...
[23:04] Viola
    A Mama album? Lemme see,
    lemme see, lemme see!
[23:06] Alyssa
    Calm down, Viola! You have a fever!
[23:09] Viola
    "The Reminiscing Circumstances
    of the Witch-Girl Time Crew"!
[23:11] Alyssa
    "The Sniffly Circumstances
    of the Healthy Daughter"!
SIGN    The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew
SIGN    The Sniffly Circumstances of the Healthy Daughter
[23:15] Alyssa
    I just told you to stay in bed!