# E2 - The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing/The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G50UZXW8K/the-commonplace-circumstances-of-the-witchs-child-rearingthe-romantic-circumstances-of-the-little-brother-position)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] Viola**
Hi, Auntie Lira!
**[00:07] Lira**
Oh, hello there.
**[00:11] Lira**
What are you looking for today?
**[00:13] Lira**
Poisonous herbs, please!
I need them to defeat the enemy.
**[00:19] Lira**
Who exactly are you battling?
***SIGN*** The Commonplace Circumstances of the Witch's Child-Rearing
**[01:54] Viola**
"The Commonplace Circumstances
of the Witch's Child-Rearing."
**[02:01] Lira**
Just one sec.
**[02:03] Lira**
I can't believe my little Viola
is old enough to shop alone now.
**[02:11] Lira**
No wonder I feel old!
**[02:13] Viola**
You say that all the time, Auntie.
**[02:17] Lira**
Of course I do.
**[02:20] Lira**
I remember it like it was only yesterday...
***SIGN*** 16 Years Ago
**[02:25] Narrator**
Sixteen years ago...
**[02:31] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I waited there for a while, but no one came.
**[02:38] (Flashback) Lira**
When I find whoever abandoned
her, I'll break their skull!
***SIGN*** Lira, Age 24
**[02:44] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Please calm down!
**[02:46] (Flashback) Lira**
Not a chance! You realize
she could have died?!
**[02:50] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Still, we don't know their circumstances.
**[02:53] (Flashback) Lira**
Fine, I'll decide which bones
to break based on their reasons.
**[02:57] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Please stop contemplating violence!
**[03:04] (Flashback) Lira**
Why are you taking her in?
**[03:07] (Flashback) Lira**
You could find her foster parents instead.
**[03:11] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Well, she has a lot of magic for a human,
**[03:14] (Flashback) Alyssa**
and she can't control it yet.
**[03:17] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Normally, witches and mages can
control their magic from birth.
**[03:24] (Flashback) Alyssa**
So I think teaching her to use her magic
**[03:27] (Flashback) Alyssa**
might be difficult even for
a witch, let alone a human.
**[03:31] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I wasn't normal either, so
I think I might be able to help her.
**[03:45] (Flashback) Lira**
All right. I'll lend a hand.
**[03:48] (Flashback) Alyssa**
You don't mind?!
**[03:49] (Flashback) Lira**
It's what you came to ask me, isn't it?
**[03:52] (Flashback) Lira**
I just had a son, after all.
**[03:57] (Flashback) Lira**
Leave the breast milk to me.
**[03:59] (Flashback) Lira**
This is exactly why I have two boobs.
**[04:03] (Flashback) Alyssa**
That's almost too reassuring.
**[04:07] Lira**
You used to latch on to these babies
so hard my husband was jealous.
**[04:11] Lira**
You were like a ravenous beast.
**[04:14] Viola**
Don't phrase it like that!
**[04:22] Viola**
Thank you!
**[04:23] Viola**
I really owe you a lot.
**[04:28] Lira**
Kids shouldn't worry about those things.
**[04:31] Lira**
Plus, Alyssa was more trouble than you were.
**[04:35] Viola**
Mama was?
**[04:36] Lira**
You bet.
**[04:38] Lira**
You know how she goes haring off in weird
directions when she overthinks things.
**[04:42] Lira**
She used to run in circles
about child-rearing, too.
**[04:47] Lira**
She even started researching
breast milk magic.
**[04:51] Viola**
You weren't kidding about trouble.
**[04:54] (Flashback) Alyssa**
It's no good... It's just not working!
**[04:57] (Flashback) Viola**
What's this for? I know
you're giving her enough milk!
**[05:03] (Flashback) Viola**
But these parenting books say
**[05:05] (Flashback) Viola**
if I don't breastfeed her,
I don't love her enough!
**[05:10] (Flashback) Lira**
Pompous bullshit!
**[05:12] (Flashback) Alyssa**
You did that barehanded?!
**[05:13] (Flashback) Lira**
Use this time to sing her a damn song
**[05:16] (Flashback) Lira**
and don't waste it on sketchy books!
**[05:18] (Flashback) Lira**
Her heart will keep beating and
her stomach will keep digesting
**[05:22] (Flashback) Lira**
whether you breastfeed her or not!
**[05:24] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Yes, ma'am!
**[05:26] (Flashback) Lira**
Tell me everything you're
worried about right now.
**[05:29] (Flashback) Lira**
I'll help.
**[05:30] (Flashback) Lira**
You'll make things worse
if you freak out again.
**[05:34] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Thank you very much.
**[05:36] (Flashback) Alyssa**
There is more, actually...
**[05:38] (Flashback) Alyssa**
On the magical control front,
**[05:41] (Flashback) Alyssa**
she summons things in her sleep.
**[05:46] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I'm so worried it might
continue into adulthood.
**[05:50] (Flashback) Lira**
I see, she's bed-spelling.
***SIGN*** Bed-spelling
**[05:53] Narrator**
Bed-spelling!
**[05:54] (Flashback) Lira**
These kinds of accidents stop as they grow,
**[05:58] (Flashback) Lira**
so you shouldn't sweat them too much now.
**[06:00] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Please don't compare magic to peeing!
**[06:03] (Flashback) Lira**
Does she cry at night? Are you okay?
**[06:06] (Flashback) Alyssa**
It varies, but on bad nights,
we can't sleep at all.
**[06:10] (Flashback) Lira**
It's basically like baby sleep-talking.
**[06:14] (Flashback) Lira**
Watch them for about a minute,
and they'll stop crying.
**[06:17] Narrator**
This varies by person.
***SIGN*** This varies by person
**[06:18] (Flashback) Alyssa**
What?!
**[06:22] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I figured if she wouldn't
sleep we'd just stay up,
**[06:24] (Flashback) Alyssa**
but that ended in
a late-night broom joyride!
**[06:28] (Flashback) Lira**
You can be pretty bold sometimes.
**[06:31] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Let me see, what else...
**[06:33] (Flashback) Alyssa**
You know how babies are
stronger than they look?
***SIGN*** Powerful
Grips
**[06:37] Narrator**
They have powerful grips!
***SIGN*** Powerful
Kicks
**[06:41] (Flashback) Narrator**
And powerful kicks!
**[06:44] (Flashback) Lira**
Well, they don't know how to hold back.
**[06:46] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Viola, in particular, packs a lot of punch
**[06:50] (Flashback) Alyssa**
when her power-up magic activates.
**[06:53] (Flashback) Lira**
Wow, she's a little monster
in the literal sense.
**[06:58] (Flashback) Lira**
Maybe we're kindred spirits!
**[07:00] (Flashback) Lira**
My parents say I used to
wreck the house as a baby, too.
**[07:06] (Flashback) Alyssa**
That was your innate
physical strength, right?
**[07:09] (Flashback) Lira**
But doesn't all that keep your hands
too full for housekeeping?
**[07:13] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I'm okay on that front.
**[07:16] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I can manage the simple stuff with magic.
**[07:19] (Flashback) Lira**
Wow, that's amazing.
**[07:22] (Flashback) Alyssa**
People who raise children
without magic are more amazing!
**[07:26] (Flashback) Alyssa**
You have it tougher doing
everything yourself, but me...
**[07:31] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I'm a terrible person who takes
shortcuts with everything...
**[07:36] (Flashback) Lira**
Okay, stop right there.
**[07:38] (Flashback) Lira**
Taking shortcuts is the key to housekeeping.
**[07:40] (Flashback) Lira**
I've been known to eat wheat straight
from the bag to avoid cooking!
**[07:45] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Isn't that more than a shortcut?!
**[07:47] Narrator**
Do not try this at home.
***SIGN*** Do not try this at home
**[07:51] (Flashback) Lira**
It's just not worth cooking
when my hubby's not home!
**[07:55] (Flashback) Alyssa**
You're amazing, Lira.
**[07:58] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Me, all I do is make mistakes.
**[08:02] (Flashback) Alyssa**
I'm not a good mother.
**[08:05] (Flashback) Lira**
Don't be silly.
**[08:08] (Flashback) Lira**
Your attention to detail has saved me, too.
**[08:14] (Flashback) Lira**
Hmm... This is enough baby food, right?
**[08:17] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Most people can't eat that much!
**[08:20] (Flashback) Lira**
We don't know what's
a mistake until we do it.
**[08:24] (Flashback) Lira**
I understand worrying because
you care about your baby.
**[08:28] (Flashback) Lira**
But every family raises children differently.
**[08:33] (Flashback) Lira**
If your family keeps smiling together,
then you're doing it right.
**[08:38] (Flashback) Alyssa**
Lira...
**[08:45] Viola**
You'd just had your first baby then, right?
**[08:50] Viola**
How did you get such an air of authority?
**[08:52] Lira**
It's not important.
**[08:56] Alyssa**
Hello!
**[08:57] Alyssa**
Have you seen Viola?
**[09:00] Viola**
Mama!
**[09:02] Viola**
We were just talking about you.
**[09:05] Alyssa**
Oh? Nothing too bad, I hope!
**[09:09] Viola**
Nope! Wanna know?
**[09:12] Alyssa**
Yes!
**[09:13] Viola**
Hmm, should I tell you?
**[09:13] Lira**
*Alyssa...*
**[09:14] Alyssa**
Aw, come on, tell me!
**[09:14] Lira**
*I don't think you got it wrong at all.*
**[09:16] Viola**
I'll think about it.
**[09:18] Alyssa**
Why are you teasing me?
**[09:20] Viola**
I'll think about it.
**[09:20] Lira**
Watching you two makes me think
**[09:23] Lira**
I should try to get along
better with my son.
**[09:26] Alyssa**
He's just going through puberty.
**[09:29] Alyssa**
I haven't seen him lately. Is he doing well?
**[09:32] Lira**
Wait right here, I'll call him down.
**[09:36] Lira**
Hey, spoiled brat! Viola and her mom are here!
**[09:40] Lira's Son**
Shut up, hag! I just pulled
an all-nighter, so lemme sleep!
**[09:50] Lira**
How dare you speak to your mother that way?!
**[09:52] Lira's Son**
Don't barge into my room!
**[09:54] Lira**
Take that!
**[09:56] Lira's Son**
I'm sorry I talked back!
**[09:59] Viola**
I guess every family raises
children differently...
**[10:18] Viola**
Mama! I finished picking
the herbs over here!
**[10:22] Alyssa**
Okay, one minute!
**[10:25] Alyssa**
We've picked enough medicinals,
so next we'll do tea—
**[10:28] Fennel**
Alyssa!
**[10:32] Alyssa**
Fennel!
***SIGN*** The Romantic Circumstances of the Little Brother Position
**[10:37] Fennel**
"The Romantic Circumstances
of the Little Brother Position."
**[10:42] Fennel**
Is now a good time?
**[10:43] Alyssa**
Sure!
**[10:45] Fennel**
I came to buy this month's stock.
***SIGN*** Fennel / Elfin merchant
***SIGN*** Age 183
**[10:51] Alyssa**
Thank you for always coming all this way.
**[10:55] Fennel**
Oh, no. I look forward to
seeing you every month, Alyssa.
**[11:05] Fennel**
What are you burning, you jerk?!
**[11:07] Viola**
Poison.
**[11:08] Fennel**
Don't try to kill me the second I get here!
**[11:14] Alyssa**
I apologize for my daughter!
**[11:16] Alyssa**
Are you hurt?
**[11:17] Fennel**
Don't worry, Alyssa.
**[11:20] Alyssa**
Honestly! Why do you always bully Fennel?
**[11:24] Alyssa**
Apologize!
**[11:26] Viola**
He started it when we met.
***SIGN*** Viola, Age 6
**[11:29] Fennel**
Nice to meet you.
**[11:32] (Flashback) Fennel**
You can think of me as your dad.
**[11:40] Viola**
I've hated your guts ever since.
**[11:43] Fennel**
You're taking your grudge too far.
**[11:45] Viola**
You make eyes at Mama! You're my enemy!
**[11:49] Fennel**
I-I-I do not *make* *eyes*, you dummy!
**[11:52] Alyssa**
He's right, you're being rude!
**[11:54] Alyssa**
There's never been anything like that
between me and Fennel!
**[11:58] Alyssa**
He's like my little brother!
**[12:01] Fennel**
Y-Yes, of course...
**[12:07] Fennel**
You brat!
**[12:09] Alyssa**
You were still just a child
when we first met.
***SIGN*** 100 Years Ago
**[12:13] Alyssa**
You've grown so much. What fond memories!
**[12:17] Fennel**
You haven't aged a day, Alyssa.
**[12:21] Viola**
*I've* been with her since
I was a baby, of course.
**[12:24] Fennel**
Yeah, so what?
**[12:26] Alyssa**
I remember walking with you at night
because you were scared of monsters.
**[12:30] Fennel**
Please forget that!
**[12:33] Viola**
She changed *my* diapers.
**[12:36] Fennel**
What kind of competition is this?!
**[12:38] Alyssa**
Now, now. Shall we have some tea?
**[12:42] Alyssa**
Fennel, you go ahead and sit down.
**[12:45] Fennel**
Oh, you don't have to...
**[12:53] Alyssa**
Here, Viola, you take this out to him.
**[12:56] Viola**
Yes, Mama.
**[13:00] Viola**
Here you go.
**[13:01] Fennel**
What are you, an evil ramen cook?
**[13:03] Alyssa**
That's dirty! You know better!
**[13:06] Alyssa**
You're drinking that as punishment!
**[13:08] Alyssa**
And make Fennel a fresh cup!
**[13:11] Viola**
I'm sorry!
**[13:12] Fennel**
Ha, someone got yelled at.
**[13:23] Fennel**
*No, wait—she planned all that in advance.*
**[13:27] Fennel**
* To prevent me from drinking*
* the tea Alyssa made!*
**[13:36] Alyssa**
All right, here are this month's goods.
**[13:40] Fennel**
Thank you very much.
**[13:43] Alyssa**
It's a huge help that you
buy so much each month.
**[13:47] Fennel**
Really, you're helping me.
**[13:50] Fennel**
Your medicines and herbs are bestsellers!
**[13:54] Viola**
What about my specially
selected funky mandragoras?
**[13:59] Fennel**
It pains me to admit it,
but they're pretty popular.
**[14:02] Phoenix**
Wouldst thou like the precious
mud gems I polished?
**[14:06] Narrator**
They're just mud balls.
***SIGN*** Just mud balls
**[14:08] Fennel**
W-Wait, who are you?!
**[14:11] Viola**
This is Phoenix. He's my familiar now.
**[14:14] Fennel**
Are you sure he's not
a doodle you materialized?
**[14:17] Fennel**
Don't trouble Alyssa by picking
up any more... weirdos...
**[14:22] Fennel**
Back off!
**[14:23] Viola**
Excuse me? I don't need you to tell me that.
**[14:27] Viola**
I even said goodbye to
Papa, like Mama told me to.
**[14:33] Fennel**
P-Papa?! Goodbye?! What?!
**[14:38] Alyssa**
A golem! She's talking about a golem!
**[14:42] Fennel**
* Crap! It was a misunderstanding,*
* but I can't afford to feel relieved!*
**[14:47] Fennel**
* I have to get out of the*
* "little brother" position now,*
**[14:47] Alyssa**
You liked him that much?
**[14:49] Viola**
Yeah.
**[14:49] Fennel**
*or it really will be too late!*
**[14:52] Fennel**
* But declaring my love right now*
* is more than I can do.*
**[14:55] Fennel**
* I haven't spent a century*
* pining after her just for fun.*
**[14:58] Fennel**
* I need to start by getting*
* her to notice I'm a grown man.*
**[15:03] Fennel**
*I'm gonna do it!*
**[15:06] Fennel**
*I'm gonna say something so smooth,
she'll* have *to notice me!*
**[15:13] Fennel**
Um... Um... Ummm...
**[15:20] Fennel**
A-Alyssa?
**[15:22] Fennel**
What would you do if my
hands turned into broccoli?
***SIGN*** Forest Person
**[15:26] Narrator**
Forest person.
**[15:28] Alyssa**
Huh?!
**[15:29] Alyssa**
I would worry!
**[15:31] Alyssa**
A-Are you okay? Are you tired, maybe?!
**[15:35] Fennel**
* No... This is not the way*
* I wanted her to notice me.*
**[15:41] Alyssa**
I-I know! Let's get some
sugar in you. I'll go get cake!
**[15:45] Fennel**
Please don't trouble yourself!
**[15:48] Viola**
Hey, Fennel.
**[15:50] Fennel**
What do you want?
**[15:51] Viola**
Want me to tell you why
you haven't been erased yet?
**[15:55] Fennel**
That's a scary opener.
**[15:57] Viola**
It's because I *trust* you.
**[16:01] Viola**
I trust that you're too much
of a wimp to get anywhere!
**[16:05] Fennel**
How dare you mock me!
**[16:06] Viola**
But I can't led my guard down.
**[16:08] Viola**
I'm gonna keep interfering, so suck it up.
**[16:11] Fennel**
In your dreams, ninny.
**[16:14] Fennel**
You never learn, do you?
**[16:16] Fennel**
Poor you, always getting
in trouble with Alyssa.
**[16:19] Fennel**
Maybe you should get smarter
about your interference.
**[16:22] Phoenix**
Eternal Breath!
**[16:26] Viola**
From now on my cover will be
"accidents" while playing with Phoenix.
**[16:30] Fennel**
Great, thanks for explaining!
**[16:33] Alyssa**
All right, here are the cakes!
**[16:37] Alyssa**
What are you doing?!
**[16:39] Phoenix**
I bequeathed upon him a kiss of friendship.
**[16:42] Alyssa**
His entire head was in your mouth!
**[16:44] Alyssa**
Fennel, are you all right?
**[16:48] Alyssa**
The poor thing is
hyperventilating from shock!
**[16:51] Viola**
*No, he's panting because he's on your lap!*
**[16:55] Viola**
I'm sorry.
***SIGN*** She got majorly scolded
**[16:57] Narrator**
She got majorly scolded.
**[17:02] Alyssa**
I'm sorry! I'm so, so, so sorry!
**[17:05] Fennel**
Really, it's all right. No need to bow.
**[17:09] Fennel**
We can't stop the mama's girl rampage.
**[17:11] Fennel**
Instead of trying to change her,
let's figure out how to coexist.
**[17:14] Alyssa**
Like she's a wild animal?!
**[17:16] Fennel**
Truly, though, please don't feel guilty.
**[17:21] Fennel**
I've known her since she was little.
**[17:24] Fennel**
I know it's her version of horseplay.
**[17:29] Fennel**
Th-The "dad" thing was a joke, but
I guess I do think of her as family...
**[17:35] Fennel**
I'm sorry, that's presumptuous, isn't it?
**[17:38] Alyssa**
No, not at all!
**[17:43] Alyssa**
Thank you for getting along with Viola.
**[17:51] Alyssa**
I hope you'll keep caring for her.
**[17:58] Fennel**
* There's no way to compete*
* with her daughter, is there?!*
**[18:04] Alyssa**
Fennel, come visit anytime,
even if it's not purchase day.
**[18:08] Fennel**
Sure...
**[18:17] Viola**
Next time I'll set magic traps.
**[18:20] Phoenix**
I approve of thine indefatigable spirit!
**[18:36] Fennel**
*I'm so glad Alyssa was pleased.*
**[18:41] Fennel**
*Nothing makes a merchant happier.*
**[18:51] Fennel**
Viola, what are you doing?
***SIGN*** Catch or Be Caught
**[19:01] Viola**
You'll give it a try, right?
**[19:05] Viola**
Of course you will.
**[19:15] Fennel**
Huh?!
**[19:19] Viola**
You'll try jinn eel fishing, right?
**[19:21] Fennel**
Huh?
***SIGN*** Jinn Eel Fishing
**[19:24] Narrator**
Jinn eel fishing!
**[19:29] Viola**
Here, your rod.
**[19:31] Fennel**
I'm not playing this shady game.
**[19:34] Viola**
Don't worry, there are no sharp hooks.
**[19:37] Viola**
When a jinn eel eats the bait,
it'll volunteer itself.
**[19:43] Viola**
Watch.
**[19:47] Viola**
If you catch three eels
in three minutes, you win.
**[19:49] Fennel**
I told you, I'm not doing it!
**[19:53] Viola**
The prize is a sweet secret photo.
**[19:59] Fennel**
*Could it be of Alyssa?*
**[20:01] Fennel**
All right! I'll pull up the whole lot of them!
**[20:06] Viola**
Ready...
**[20:08] Viola**
Start!
**[20:21] Fennel**
Huh? They're not eating the bait.
**[20:28] Fennel**
They're seriously teasing me!
**[20:31] Viola**
You're so bad at this. Gotta hold the rod up!
**[20:34] Viola**
Now jiggle it! No, downward!
**[20:37] Fennel**
Shut up, you're distracting me.
**[20:43] Fennel**
What the heck?
**[20:44] Viola**
It's the super-big chance!
**[20:46] Viola**
Gold! The gold is coming!
**[20:48] Fennel**
Gold? Don't tell me it's...
**[20:56] Viola**
Here it is! The golden jinn eel
is super-rare and lucky!
**[21:00] Viola**
You only need one to win!
**[21:03] Fennel**
*You're on!*
**[21:05] Fennel**
* I'll catch it no matter what it takes,*
* and I'll get a photo of Alyssa!*
**[21:13] Fennel**
Got it!
**[21:15] Fennel**
It's crazy strong.
**[21:17] Fennel**
I feel like I'm getting reeled in!
**[21:25] Fennel**
Take this!
**[21:30] Fennel**
Did you see that? I did it!
**[21:36] Viola**
Too bad. You got Phoenix!
**[21:41] Fennel**
Oi...
**[21:44] Fennel**
You jerks never intended to
let me catch one, did you?
**[22:58] Alyssa**
This is Alyssa.
***SIGN*** Preview
**[23:00] Viola**
This is Viola.
**[23:01] Alyssa**
Next time on *The Family Circumstances
of the Irregular Witch*...
**[23:04] Viola**
A Mama album? Lemme see,
lemme see, lemme see!
**[23:06] Alyssa**
Calm down, Viola! You have a fever!
**[23:09] Viola**
"The Reminiscing Circumstances
of the Witch-Girl Time Crew"!
**[23:11] Alyssa**
"The Sniffly Circumstances
of the Healthy Daughter"!
***SIGN*** The Reminiscing Circumstances of the Witch-Girl Time Crew
***SIGN*** The Sniffly Circumstances of the Healthy Daughter
**[23:15] Alyssa**
I just told you to stay in bed!