E5 - Get on the Good Foot / Talkin' Loud And Saying Nothin' / My Funny Valentine

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Palmistry
SIGN    Douglas
SIGN    If you
     can see
     it
SIGN    You can touch it!
SIGN    Douglas Hamada
[00:07] Azuma
    You have a distinct health line.
[00:09] Kosame
    A health line?
[00:11] Azuma
    That's right.
[00:12] Azuma
    You see the line that starts
    from your pinky and stretches down?
[00:15] Kosame
    Oh yeah, you're right...
[00:17] Kosame
    That means I don't have to worry
    about my health for a while, right?
[00:21] Azuma
    No, it's the opposite.
[00:23] Azuma
    It seems the more distinct the line is,
    the more health problems you're bound to have.
[00:26] Kosame
    Well, that's confusing.
[00:28] Akemi
    Using palm reading as an
    excuse to touch a girl's hand.
SIGN    Book of Palmistry
[00:32] Akemi
    It's a basic move.
[00:33] Akemi
    But here in this dumpy snack bar,
    we've seen it used one too many times...
[00:38] Akemi
    It's so boring that it's
    putting me straight to sleep. Zzz...
[00:44] Tatsu-ni
    I've been tired lately too.
[00:48] Akemi
    You should just suspect you have
    a disease and go to the hospital.
[00:51] Tatsu-ni
    Are we so close that you can convey
    your worries through telepathy?
[00:55] Azuma
    Then, how about...
[00:57] Azuma
    we do foot acupoints next?
SIGN    Right on the spot!
SIGN    Book of Foot Acupoints
SIGN    Douglas Hamada
[01:01] Akemi
    Don't tell me...
[01:02] Akemi
    He's gonna try and touch her feet
    like you touch someone's hand with palm reading?
[01:05] Kosame
    Oh, no... that's a bit...
[01:08] Azuma
    Why is that?
[01:11] Kosame
    Well, you know...
[01:14] Azuma
    Could it be...
[01:16] Azuma
    that you have stinky feet?
[01:18] Kosame
    How rude!
[01:27] [SONG] Sign
    Snack Basue
[01:32] [SONG] Sign
    Snack Basue
SIGN    (Put best foot forward)
[02:52] Azuma
    There are acupoints
    on the feet that help you detox
[02:55] Azuma
    and suppress body odor too, you know.
[02:59] Kosame
    I wasn't concerned about my feet stinking,
[03:02] Kosame
    but now that you mention it,
    it's making me worried...
[03:06] Kosame
    The rescue boat I asked for looks
    more like an amphibious assault ship.
[03:09] Akemi
    He was just being so annoying with his points
[03:12] Akemi
    that I went for the secret one that
    elementary school kids are talking about...
[03:14] Akemi
    I poked him in the diarrhea point.
[03:17] Akemi
    You are... already dead.
[03:19] Tatsu-ni
    Well, if he leaks, I'd say he'll die of
    embarrassment. That's for sure.
[03:26] Tatsu-ni
    What?!
[03:27] Azuma
    Unfortunately for you, the point
    she poked is called Hyakue,
[03:30] Azuma
    which is effective against
    headaches and hemorrhoids.
[03:33] Tatsu-ni
    You've made him feel
    healthier without realizing it!
[03:36] Akemi
    I still have a ways to go to reach
    the Hokuto Shinken I seek.
[03:39] Akemi
    Shit... I can't even think of where
    I should press to cause damage!
[03:46] Kosame
    That's true. When you mention acupoints,
[03:49] Kosame
    it seems any that you press
    would be beneficial in some way.
[03:53] Azuma
    Well...
[03:56] Azuma
    You did poke it really hard,
    so I did take some damage.
[04:01] Akemi
    Oh... I'm sorry...
[04:03] Azuma
    But when that happens,
    you press this acupoint and...
[04:07] Narrator
    Hegu.
SIGN    Hegu
[04:09] Narrator
    It is the point located between the base
    of the thumb and index finger.
[04:12] Narrator
    Pressing this pressure point seems
    to be effective against headaches,
[04:15] Narrator
    stiff shoulders, eye fatigue,
    insomnia, drowsiness,
[04:17] Narrator
    high blood pressure, internal organ
    fatigue, hay fever, stress, etc.
[04:20] Narrator
    An all-purpose acupoint.
[04:22] Tatsu-ni
    It's Shigeru Chiba. I'm so happy.
[04:24] Kosame
    What are you talking about?
[04:26] Akemi
    Hey, don't you think that acupoint
    works a little too well?
[04:29] Azuma
    But whenever I do research
    on what acupoints work,
[04:32] Azuma
    I could almost say it always
    leads me to this Hegu point.
[04:35] Akemi
    Should an amazing acupoint
    like that really be in the hand?
[04:41] Akemi
    Well, anyway, when in doubt
    just press it, right?
[04:45] Kosame
    It's almost like a reset button on a device.
    Like the ones you need a toothpick to push.
[04:59] Akemi
    My left hand gets tired from
    pushing the right hand's acupoint.
[05:02] Akemi
    Then my right hand gets tired
    pushing the left hand's acupoint.
[05:05] Akemi
    Then, my left hand gets tired again
    and it's an endless cycle.
[05:09] Kosame
    You're an endless idiot!
[05:11] Kosame
    But do these acupoints really
    work like they say they do?
[05:16] Azuma
    Huh?
[05:18] Kosame
    I understand and do believe
    that the blood circulation
[05:22] Kosame
    gets better the more you press on it.
[05:25] Kosame
    But don't you think it's just a placebo effect
[05:28] Kosame
    when they say pressing the hand and feet
    directly affects your eyes or liver?
[05:35] Azuma
    Now that you mention it,
    Eastern medicine tends to work
[05:39] Azuma
    in mysterious ways without
    actually knowing why it works.
[05:42] Azuma
    However, there are definitely acupoints
    that do work on specific areas.
SIGN    Right on the spot!
[05:48] Azuma
    It says so in the book!
SIGN    Book of Foot Acupoints
SIGN    Douglas Hamada
[05:50] Kosame
    Are you that naive?!
[05:51] Azuma
    On top of that, the author of
    the book is Douglas Hamada!
[05:55] Kosame
    Is he serious?!
[05:57] Akemi
    Hey, all the books you've read on palm reading
    and dating are by Douglas Hamada!
[06:03] Kosame
    You definitely shouldn't be trusting
    a book written by someone
[06:06] Kosame
    whose field of expertise you don't know!
[06:09] Kosame
    Isn't there a saying about
    "seeing is believing?"
SIGN    If you do
    palmistry,
     you can touch
    the girl's hand!
SIGN    Douglas Hamada
[06:12] Kosame
    Don't just take the contents
    of a book at face value!
[06:16] Azuma
    Then...
[06:18] Azuma
    Why don't we test out the foot
    acupoints written in this book,
[06:21] Azuma
    to see whether they work or not?
[06:23] Akemi
    Why, you...!
[06:24] Akemi
    You were setting us up for this?!
[06:25] Azuma
    How about it?
[06:27] Azuma
    You can find out whether the comedians
    on TV actually feel the pain or not
[06:30] Azuma
    when they do this.
[06:32] Azuma
    That's right...
[06:34] Azuma
    Seeing is believing, right?
[06:37] Akemi
    He's playing it off like
    he meant to lead to this!
[06:42] Akemi
    Kosame-chan, it looks like
[06:44] Akemi
    you're going to have to give in
    and prepare yourself to give him a foot.
[06:48] Kosame
    As much as I hate giving away one
    Yukimi daifuku, I don't want to!
[06:51] Akemi
    Then, how about a Pino?
[06:53] Kosame
    If it's that, I'd give him one, but what
    does that have to do with this?
[06:58] Tatsu-ni
    Then, maybe I'll have him do mine.
[07:01] Akemi
    Your feet seriously stink, Tatsu-ni,
    so don't take off your shoes inside the bar.
[07:05] Tatsu-ni
    My feet do not stink and I've never
    taken them off, so how would you know?!
[07:10] Akemi
    Just, please.
SIGN    Right on the spot!
SIGN    Book of Foot Acupoints
[07:16] Kosame
    Why do I have to?!
[07:19] Akemi
    It'll be all right.
[07:21] Akemi
    He has no intention of doing
    anything perverted anyway.
[07:24] Akemi
    He just wants to know
    if what's written is true or not.
[07:28] Kosame
    That makes me worry even more,
    with the mad scientist vibe going on.
[07:34] Kosame
    Seriously, you're only good when it comes
    to setting people up like this, aren't you...
[07:42] Azuma
    All right... Here I go.
[07:49] Kosame
    Ow!
[07:51] Kosame
    Ow!
[07:52] Kosame
    Ow!
SIGN    (Don't say mean things.)
[08:26] Akemi
    Yamada...
[08:28] Yamada
    Yes?
[08:30] Akemi
    Let's party by talking shit about people!
[08:32] Yamada
    You're off to an awful start.
[08:34] Akemi
    But, I really think talking shit about people
[08:37] Akemi
    is the best way to get
    an exciting conversation going...
[08:39] Yamada
    It sounds worse when you put it that way...
[08:41] Akemi
    Aren't the times when
    humans raged with dissatisfaction
[08:44] Akemi
    and frustration the highlights
    of human history?
[08:47] Yamada
    They're also the parts of history
    that should not be repeated.
[08:51] Yamada
    Don't you have something more cheerful to say?
[08:54] Akemi
    Where there is light, there is darkness.
[08:57] Yamada
    Let there be light first!
[08:59] Yamada
    But, Akemi-san, I didn't think you
    would be the type to say bad...
[09:03] Yamada
    or maybe not?
[09:05] Yamada
    Nah, never mind.
[09:06] Akemi
    I beg your pardon!
[09:07] Akemi
    I say things that make fun of people,
    but I rarely talk badly about people!
[09:13] Yamada
    How is that any different?
[09:15] Yamada
    But I guess, since you put it that way,
[09:18] Yamada
    you must really be
    holding something in, aren't you?
[09:21] Akemi
    Yeah, I want you to hear me out.
[09:24] Yamada
    Um, at a snack bar, I'm the one who should be
    asking you to hear me out, you know.
[09:29] Yamada
    Well, what is it that you want to get out?
[09:34] Akemi
    I really think people who love
    extremely spicy food are insane!
[09:37] Yamada
    Oh, didn't expect it to be that vague.
[09:40] Yamada
    Don't you normally get pumped up by
    speaking badly about your boss or something?
[09:45] Akemi
    My boss is watching right next to me!
[09:48] Yamada
    Oh, right...
[09:49] Basue
    To see with eyes unclouded...
[09:52] Basue
    However, these eyes
    are looking far in the distance.
[10:00] Akemi
    How could he come to a snack bar
[10:02] Akemi
    and give the impression of not
    wanting to be bothered by anyone?
[10:06] Yamada
    Yeah, he does have his headphones
    and a newspaper after all.
[10:09] Akemi
    So bothersome.
[10:11] Yamada
    Isn't customer service about...
[10:15] Akemi
    Kawa-chan, I would never want
    to talk to you if it weren't for my job.
[10:20] Akemi
    But what are you listening to?
[10:24] Akemi
    Those are headphones, so stop trying to hand
     me one side as if they were earphones!
[10:31] Akemi
    English conversation?
[10:32] Akemi
    Are you sure you're able to listen and
    read a newspaper at the same time?
[10:38] Akemi
    Actually, the newspaper is in English too.
[10:41] Akemi
    Kawa-chan, are you fluent in English?
SIGN    Alphabet
    Biscuits
[10:45] Kawa
    B.
[10:46] Akemi
    Ah, nope, he's probably
    in the middle of studying English.
[10:49] Akemi
    And a beginner at that.
[10:51] Kawa
    A.
[10:52] Akemi
    Is this where you're going to follow it
    with K and A to mean idiot?
[10:55] Yamada
    Um... Why did you decide to
    study English all of a sudden?
[11:00] Kawa
    Uh, I'm not really studying it or anything...
[11:04] Akemi
    Then does that mean you already know it?
[11:07] Kawa
    No, but...
[11:09] Yamada
    I have no idea where he's going with this.
[11:12] Kawa
    The thing is...
[11:14] Kawa
    I just wanted people to think I know
    English and seem smart, is all!
[11:20] Yamada
    Oh...
[11:22] Akemi
    You're a fool.
[11:24] Akemi
    You see, Kawa-chan, to think
    knowing English equals being smart
[11:29] Akemi
    is already something a dumbass would think.
[11:31] Kawa
    But, you gotta be smart to know English, right?
[11:33] Kawa
    English is cool, isn't it?
[11:35] Yamada
    Well...
[11:36] Akemi
    Sex!
[11:37] Yamada
    That's horrible!
[11:39] Kawa
    Shit! It's the perfect objection!
[11:41] Akemi
    If you actually spoke English,
    I'd think you were intelligent.
[11:45] Akemi
    But, the fact that you think being able to
    speak it is intelligent makes you sound dumb.
[11:50] Kawa
    Yeah, come to think of it...
[11:51] Akemi
    That said... Am I a dumbass?
[11:54] Kawa
    The world is full of sad truths.
[11:58] Kawa
    Then what actually makes you sound intelligent?
[12:02] Kawa
    Out of all the people you've met, Akemi-chan,
[12:04] Kawa
    what type of person
    would you consider intelligent?
[12:08] Akemi
    An intelligent person...
[12:11] Akemi
    It might just be because of
    where I work, but I haven't met one yet.
[12:15] Kawa
    She thinks everyone she meets is an idiot!
[12:18] Yamada
    Isn't that talking badly about others?!
[12:20] Basue
    In front of them, nonetheless!
SIGN    Snack Basue
[12:25] Morita
    Snack Basue.
SIGN    (To my dearest love)
[12:36] Morita
    Akemi-chan... why...
[12:38] Akemi
    "Why can't I be popular
    with the ladies," right?
[12:42] Morita
    You read my mind...
[12:44] Morita
    No, our hearts connected, didn't they?!
[12:47] Akemi
    What?
[12:48] Morita
    This is it!
[12:50] Akemi
    What do you mean, this is it?!
[12:52] Akemi
    Recently, that's all you've been saying!
[12:55] Morita
    Seriously, please don't say that...
[12:56] Morita
    Can you just please ride the wave
    with me or ride me and resolve it?
[13:02] Akemi
    I'll ride the wave, but can I just
    copy and paste myself here?
[13:06] Morita
    Is there no love in this world?!
[13:09] Akemi
    You come here quite often,
    but are you that bored?
[13:13] Akemi
    Well, I am grateful, since I get to
    slack off during Morita episodes.
[13:16] Morita
    That was wrong in so many ways!
[13:19] Morita
    Also, your lip flaps aren't
    matching anymore either!
SIGN    Action
SIGN    Current Frame
SIGN    Script
[13:25] Morita
    Geez...
[13:29] Akemi
    Oh, I know what it is.
    It is that time of the year, after all.
[13:32] Morita
    Huh? What do you mean?
[13:38] Akemi
    You want it, don't you?
[13:39] Akemi
    A Valentine's Day chocolate.
[13:42] Morita
    Akemi-chan, thank you!
[13:44] Akemi
    But before that...
[13:48] Akemi
    You still haven't given me mine
    from last year, have you?
[13:52] Morita
    What?
[13:55] Morita
    U-Um... I didn't?
[13:59] Akemi
    You bet!
[14:02] Akemi
    And it's not just you either, Morita!
[14:06] Akemi
    Our customers just take what they can get
    and never give me anything for White Day...
[14:12] Akemi
    I don't care what it is,
    I wish they'd give me something.
[14:15] Morita
    All right then.
[14:18] Akemi
    Gross.
[14:19] Morita
    Why is that?! Akemi-chan, you love money!
[14:23] Akemi
    You understand me very well, but from
    a girl's standpoint you don't get us at all!
[14:29] Morita
    Wha...
[14:30] Akemi
    If you give me money for giving you chocolate,
[14:33] Akemi
    I'm no different than a retail store!
[14:36] Akemi
    All I want is something with a little class
[14:39] Basue
    and for it to remind me
    how loved I am by everyone.
[14:43] Basue
    Akemi-chan.
[14:44] Akemi
    What is it, Mama?
[14:46] Basue
    That's backwards.
[14:48] Akemi
    Backwards?
[14:49] Basue
    Snack bar Valentine's is a day when we give
    thanks to everyone for always loving us.
[14:57] Basue
    You're giving a heartfelt thanks that says
    "Thank you for always coming."
[15:03] Basue
    You shouldn't seek anything in return.
[15:06] Akemi
    Mama...
[15:07] Basue
    So with that, Morita-chan.
[15:10] Basue
    This is a thank you from yours truly.
[15:13] Morita
    Mama...
[15:14] Basue
    You don't have to hold back.
[15:18] Morita
    But, I want a chocolate from Akemi-chan!
[15:22] Basue
    You stepped all over my feelings.
[15:27] Akemi
    Morita... That was pretty shallow.
[15:30] Morita
    I'm very sorry, Mama.
[15:32] Basue
    It's all right.
[15:33] Akemi
    But that honestly made me feel really good,
    seeing you beg for my chocolate!
[15:40] Akemi
    A lot!
[15:41] Basue
    And you're a lot worse, Akemi-chan.
[15:44] Basue
    But Morita-chan,
[15:46] Basue
    why are you so obsessed with this chocolate,
    knowing it's just chocolate from a store?
[15:52] Morita
    You're right... If it stays that way,
    it's just an obligatory chocolate.
[15:58] Morita
    But!
[15:59] Morita
    If I take it home
    and melt it into another shape,
[16:02] Morita
    it'll be like a homemade one, so no worries!
[16:06] Basue
    That's creepy!
[16:07] Morita
    Of course, I'm going to post it
    on the internet before I eat it
SIGN    Morimori
SIGN    I got chocolate from Akemi-chan!
[16:10] Morita
    so I can show it off to all my rivals!
[16:12] Basue
    Just speechless!
[16:14] Basue
    I was reminded once again...
[16:17] Basue
    He's not like those introverts
    who aren't popular,
[16:21] Basue
    he has the bad traits of
    an assertive person who isn't popular.
[16:26] Akemi
    How far are the Japanese laws
    willing to protect me?
[16:30] Morita
    Aren't you guys
    complimenting me a little too much?
[16:33] Akemi
    Actually, aren't you really in love with me?
[16:36] Morita
    That's right.
[16:38] Akemi
    Then shouldn't you be giving me something
    for White Day to make yourself look better?
[16:44] Basue
    Akemi-chan! Don't say anything that
    may provoke a future criminal!
[16:51] Morita
    Um... No... It's not that I forgot about it...
[16:57] Akemi
    Then why?
[16:59] Morita
    I was just... I was just... scared.
[17:04] Akemi
    Scared?
[17:06] Morita
    Yeah...
[17:07] Morita
    I didn't want you to laugh at me
    for giving you something weird.
[17:14] Akemi
    Morita...
[17:16] Basue
    There is a sense of authenticity, when you
    can see a glimpse of common sense
[17:19] Basue
    amidst the eccentric acts.
[17:23] Akemi
    You idiot. I'm not going to laugh
    at anything you give me.
[17:29] Morita
    Akemi-chan.
[17:32] Akemi
    That's because... this is...
[17:36] Akemi
    All part of the job!
[17:38] Basue
    Oh, she said it!
[17:41] Akemi
    No, seriously, this is just a hostess
    and customer relationship, so...
[17:47] Basue
    It's important to remember our boundaries.
[17:50] Morita
    You're right...
[17:51] Akemi
    Yep.
[17:54] Morita
    So skipping all the small details,
    what do I need to do to get you to jerk me off?
[17:59] Basue
    This guy... I don't know how far he'd go.
[18:02] Akemi
    Um... You see, this isn't good
    because you're skipping
[18:07] Akemi
    all the small details such as giving me
    something for White Day.
[18:10] Akemi
    And I am not going to
    jerk you off in any case, okay?!
[18:12] Morita
    Yeah?
[18:13] Akemi
    Yep.
[18:15] Akemi
    Besides, I'm not expecting
    an expensive brand item or anything.
[18:19] Akemi
    It could be a small snack that you
    thought looked good or something.
[18:25] Morita
    Food... I guess I'll have to go with...
[18:29] Akemi
    Actually, scratch that.
[18:30] Morita
    Why?! You're the one who suggested it!
[18:33] Akemi
    Your face just screamed
    "I'm going to put something in the food..."
[18:38] Akemi
    So nothing edible, okay?
[18:41] Morita
    Then what else is there?
[18:43] Akemi
    How about... bath bombs?
[18:47] Akemi
    There are really cute shaped ones, like
    rose-shaped ones, which I think are affordable.
[18:50] Morita
    Bath bombs...
[18:52] Akemi
    Yep, scratch that one too.
[18:53] Morita
    Why?! What can I do with a bath bomb?!
[18:57] Akemi
    I just assumed the worst.
[19:01] Akemi
    Your feelings are all I need!
[19:04] Akemi
    I'll even give you a chocolate this year too,
    so let's just leave it at that, okay?
[19:09] Morita
    The way she's handing it to me
    is like she's giving me the real deal.
[19:12] Morita
    But you know...
[19:14] Morita
    I really want to properly give you
    something so I can get jerked off...
[19:18] Akemi
    I already said that's not going to happen!
[19:21] Morita
    Then accept the gift I was
    going to give you last year...
[19:26] Akemi
    Huh? Uh... What is it?
[19:30] Morita
    It's...
[19:32] Morita
    a love song I composed.
[20:05] Basue
    Happy White Day!
[20:09] Basue
    Happy Valentine's Day!
[20:17] Morita
    This chocolate is really good!
[20:19] Akemi
    That's because it's my favorite one.
[20:22] Morita
    Oh man, I really wanted to
    take my time eating it at home.
[20:25] Akemi
    Who knows what you'll do to it
    if you bring it home...
[20:31] Morita
    What am I to this chocolate,
    a criminal or something?
[20:34] Basue
    Even so, Morita-chan, you really have
    many hobbies, writing songs and all.
[20:42] Morita
    Yeah, but it's not making me popular.
[20:45] Basue
    Um, what does that have to do with it?
[20:49] Morita
    I thought I'd be more popular
    if I was into music, so I studied it.
[20:54] Morita
    But it turns out it's only popular
    with extroverted people.
[20:58] Akemi
    I can see that being the case.
[21:00] Morita
    Those people don't need music to be popular!
[21:03] Akemi
    I can see that being the case.
[21:05] Basue
    But, Morita-chan, you're amazing
    for actually composing a song.
[21:10] Morita
    Y-Yeah, you think?
[21:12] Basue
    I'd like to listen to it a little.
[21:16] Akemi
    Well, I am a little curious too,
    for the scare factor.
[21:20] Morita
    R-Really?
[21:22] Akemi
    Really, really.
[21:27] Akemi
    What's wrong?
[21:29] Morita
    You're not gonna laugh at it?
[21:31] Akemi
    I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna.
[21:33] Morita
    But...
[21:36] Akemi
    You're taking forever. Never mind.
[21:39] Morita
    Well, well, well, well, since
    you're asking me so much.
[21:43] Akemi
    Which is it?
[21:44] Basue
    It's very much like you
    to banter like this, Morita-chan.
[21:47] Morita
    Please listen to this as if we met during
    our middle school years, Akemi-chan.
[21:53] Akemi
    Could you please refrain from
    talking about the worst situation imaginable?
[21:57] Morita
    Okay, here we go...
[22:01] Morita
    Twinkle twinkle shooting star
[22:05] Morita
    * Please tell me the truth! Right now!
    I really don't know anymore!
[22:14] Morita
     One day, a girl suddenly came to my class.
[22:21] Morita
     Just one look at her and my heart pounded.
[22:27] Morita
     I've never felt this way before.
    Something is wrong.
[22:34] Morita
     You're probably an alien,
    who came to take over the world!
[22:46] Morita
     I wonder why?
[22:51] Morita
     When I think of you,
    I feel a tightness in my chest.
[23:00] Morita
    If this keeps up, I'm bound to be brainwashed.
[23:08] Morita
     It's a little wondrous.
[23:10] Morita
     That's right, that girl's an alien.
[23:14] Morita
     We're going to be taken over.
[23:18] Morita
     Someone please help me!*
[23:24] Morita
    H-How was it?
[23:29] Akemi
    It was better than I expected.
[23:33] Morita
    Honestly... It's embarrassing...
[23:35] Akemi
    But...
[23:39] Akemi
    Your lyrics give away
    just how much of a virgin you are.
[23:42] Morita
    What is that supposed to mean?!
[23:45] Basue
    Morita-chan seems really happy.
[23:50] Basue
    Such a virgin.