1 - So: I'm in Primary School. What Now?

Source: Crunchyroll
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Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:11] ---
    Um...\n
[00:13] ---
    Would you please tell me your name?\n
[00:18] ---
    No.\n
[00:20] ---
    Huh?\n
[00:22] ---
    I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.\n
[00:26] ---
    And you're a little creepy.\n
[00:32] ---
    Thus my first love ended.\n
[00:36] ---
    "Tsurukame Moving"\n
[00:36] ---
    "Tsurukame Moving"\nLet me go back to when it started,\n
[00:38] ---
    three hours ago.\n
[00:41] ---
    My name is Kaho Nikaido.\n
[00:44] ---
    My family, well, they own a lot of land.\n
[00:48] ---
    In other words, they're rich.\n
[00:51] ---
    My parents treated me like\na princess, spoiling me rotten,\n
[00:55] ---
    probably because they\nhad me when they were older.\n
[00:59] ---
    Locals and teachers were\nhyper-aware of my family's influence\n
[01:02] ---
    and never got angry with me.\n
[01:05] ---
    My friends were all schoolmates\nmy folks had asked to hang out with me.\n
[01:10] ---
    As a result,\n
[01:12] ---
    I've never had anyone mad at me.\n
[01:15] ---
    What do you make of a person like that?\n
[01:18] ---
    A real mess, right? Hopeless.\n
[01:22] ---
    I'm sorry for being alive.\n
[01:25] ---
    So this spring, I left my hometown\n
[01:28] ---
    to turn over a new leaf in the city.\n
[01:33] ---
    "Kasumi House"\n
[01:35] ---
    This is Kasumi House?\n
[01:39] ---
    Ahhh...\n
[01:40] ---
    Yikes!\n
[01:41] ---
    --I-I'm so sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry!\n--Um, are you Miss Nikaido?\n
[01:47] ---
    M-Might you be the landlord?\n
[01:50] ---
    --Er, uh, I'm, well...\n--So young! Are all Tokyo landlords this young?\n
[01:56] ---
    To be making a fortune\nat such a tender age... I bet it's IT!\n
[01:58] ---
    He's managing apartments\nwith the money he made in IT!\n
[02:00] ---
    Uh, no, I'm just a high-school student!\n
[02:03] ---
    The landlord had some business\ntoday, so he asked me to help out.\n
[02:07] ---
    "Kota Shinohara - High School Freshman"\n
[02:08] ---
    What a pointless delusion that was.\n
[02:10] ---
    Um, thank you very much. Nice meeting you.\n
[02:14] ---
    Yeah, same h--\n
[02:16] ---
    Can we bring in your things?\n
[02:18] ---
    Second floor, please!\n
[02:21] ---
    Oh, I'll help, too!\n
[02:25] ---
    Oof! Wow, heavier than I thought...\n
[02:34] ---
    Are you all right?!\n
[02:38] ---
    Just have a seat! This is our job!
[02:47] ---
    Feels like I'm getting in the way again.\n
[02:50] ---
    Oh!\n
[02:54] ---
    The kokeshi my brother gave me!
[02:57] ---
    Wait! That's my brother's kokeshi!
[03:28] ---
    Do you want to die or what?!\n
[03:33] ---
    Didn't anyone tell you\nnot to jump out at corners?\n
[03:36] ---
    If a car hit a little kid like you,\nyou'd be squashed dead like an ant!\n
[03:43] ---
    Are you even listening?\n
[03:46] ---
    What are you after?\n
[03:48] ---
    --I-Is it money? A favor from my parents? --I'm not interested in your money or your folks.
[03:55] ---
    Liar.\n
[03:56] ---
    You wouldn't save the likes of me\nif you weren't after something.\n
[04:01] ---
    Don't you usually save\npeople who are about to die?\n
[04:05] ---
    And I heard saying "the likes of me"\nwill mess you up for real.\n
[04:12] ---
    You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.\n
[04:16] ---
    "The likes of me," my foot.\n
[04:18] ---
    Cute...?\n
[04:22] ---
    See you.\n
[04:24] ---
    W-Wait!\n
[04:27] ---
    Um... Would you please tell me your name?\n
[04:30] ---
    Huh? No.\n
[04:33] ---
    I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.\n
[04:36] ---
    And you're a little creepy.\n
[04:42] ---
    And that brings us to where we started.\n
[05:06] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[06:19] ---
    Um, are you okay?\n
[06:22] ---
    Uh, er, thank goodness you weren't hurt.\n
[06:25] ---
    He saw me?!
[06:27] ---
    A boy I only just met saw\nme fall in love at first sight,\n
[06:30] ---
    get called "creepy," and be rejected?\n
[06:36] ---
    About that boy...\n
[06:39] ---
    Just a second, Shinohara!\n
[06:42] ---
    Ch-Chiaki!\n
[06:45] ---
    "Chiaki Yokouchi - High School Sophomore"\n
[06:47] ---
    I'm just going to cut to the chase:\n
[06:49] ---
    You fell in love, didn't you?\n
[06:57] ---
    H-How did you know?\n
[07:00] ---
    Get to be like me and you can just tell.\n
[07:02] ---
    That's a city high-school girl for you!\n
[07:05] ---
    But forget it. I don't even know his name,\n
[07:08] ---
    and it's not like I'll ever see him again.\n
[07:12] ---
    What if you did?\n
[07:14] ---
    Huh? If I saw him?\n
[07:17] ---
    Um, the thing is, he--\n
[07:18] ---
    Shut it, Shinohara!\n
[07:19] ---
    Those who'd thwart a young girl's love ought to go trip over a kokeshi!
[07:23] ---
    No wonder you're a virgin!\n
[07:25] ---
    That has nothing to do with it!\n
[07:28] ---
    All this noise outside our front door\nis disturbing the neighbors.\n
[07:32] ---
    Well, Taga, aren't you cocky.\n
[07:35] ---
    "Atsushi Taga - College Freshman"\n
[07:37] ---
    Geez. Act your age.\n
[07:40] ---
    I'll show you, Taga...\n
[07:42] ---
    Oh, please don't fight!\n
[07:45] ---
    Cram it, virgin.\n
[07:47] ---
    It's the super-sadist versus the brute!\n
[07:50] ---
    Wait--how did you...\n
[07:52] ---
    Am I wrong?\n
[07:54] ---
    Busted, virgin!\n
[07:56] ---
    Um, I'll just be on my way.\n
[08:00] ---
    Oh...\n
[08:10] ---
    Am I going to be okay?\nWill I get used to all this?\n
[08:23] ---
    So much happened today.\n
[08:27] ---
    Now that I've been dumped,\n
[08:29] ---
    clearly no one will want\nthe likes of me as long as I live.\n
[08:35] ---
    I heard saying "the likes of me"\nwill mess you up for real.\n
[08:40] ---
    You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.\n
[08:44] ---
    "The likes of me," my foot.\n
[08:47] ---
    No way will I see him again.\nIt'll be fate if I do.\n
[08:53] ---
    Huh? You live here?\n
[08:56] ---
    Huh?! Uh, yes!\n
[08:59] ---
    Huh. Well, good to see you.\n
[09:03] ---
    It's fate!\n
[09:04] ---
    Wait!\n
[09:05] ---
    Today you saved me,\nand I got yelled at for the first time ever.\n
[09:10] ---
    Wow. My whole life is being yelled at.\n
[09:13] ---
    A-And I didn't think we'd meet again...\n
[09:18] ---
    Well, if we're living in\nthe same place, we're bound to.\n
[09:22] ---
    And...\n
[09:23] ---
    Oh, my name. Kanade Takahashi.\n
[09:27] ---
    You're giving me your name?!\n
[09:29] ---
    You're not creepy if you live here.\n
[09:31] ---
    What about you?\n
[09:33] ---
    It's polite to give your own name\nwhen someone gives you theirs.\n
[09:36] ---
    Sorry. I'm Kaho Nikaido.\n
[09:39] ---
    'Kay. Later.\n
[09:40] ---
    Please, wait!\n
[09:42] ---
    There's more?\n
[09:44] ---
    I... um, it looks like...\n
[09:48] ---
    It looks like I love you!\n
[09:59] ---
    We can date if you like.\n
[10:02] ---
    If you can still say you love me\nonce you know the real me,\n
[10:05] ---
    then yeah, we can date.\n
[10:08] ---
    Think it over till tomorrow.\n
[10:11] ---
    No way!\n
[10:19] ---
    What's his "real me," anyway?\n
[10:22] ---
    Is he married? Does he have kids?\nIs he into guys, too?\n
[10:27] ---
    Does he have tons of debt?\n
[10:28] ---
    Is he an alien? Or from the future?\n
[10:31] ---
    Does he have ESP? Is he really a girl?\n
[10:38] ---
    I couldn't sleep a wink...\n
[10:41] ---
    But no matter what\nhis secret is, I'll deal with it...\n
[10:49] ---
    ...and I'll go out with him!\n
[10:56] ---
    You really came!\n
[11:03] ---
    Uh-huh!\n
[11:10] ---
    So: I'm in primary school. What now?\n
[11:24] ---
    "Kanade Takahashi - 5th-Grader"\n
[11:27] ---
    And that's how the monster\ncalled "first love" began its assault.\n
[11:35] ---
    "So: I'm in Primary School. What Now?"\n
[11:38] ---
    "Takahashi"\n
[11:38] ---
    So are we going to go out?\n
[11:41] ---
    Huh? Um, I, uh...\n
[11:44] ---
    Yes!\n
[11:48] ---
    Then as of today, you're my girlfriend.\n
[11:52] ---
    Now I, too, finally had the\ncool boyfriend I'd always wanted.\n
[11:57] ---
    "And they lived happily ever after"\n
[12:03] ---
    As if!\n
[12:05] ---
    No way--not a primary-school kid!\n
[12:08] ---
    Yodel-ay-hoo-hee, Kanade!\n
[12:11] ---
    Huh? Are these your friends?\n
[12:13] ---
    Yep. We're in the same class.\n
[12:15] ---
    This kid with the glasses is Gin...\n
[12:17] ---
    "Ginjiro Sannomiya - 5th-Grader"\n
[12:19] ---
    ...and this one with the hair is Tom.\n
[12:22] ---
    "Tomu Kaneko - 5th-Grader"\n
[12:23] ---
    Is this what all primary-school kids are like these days?!
[12:28] ---
    This here is my girlfriend.\n
[12:30] ---
    H-Hi.\n
[12:32] ---
    Aw, man--I wanted a girlfriend! And she's older, too!
[12:37] ---
    I see... You've climbed\nthe stairs to adulthood, Kanade.\n
[12:41] ---
    Stairs to adulthood...?\n
[12:44] ---
    Okay, Kaho, see you later.\n
[12:46] ---
    Oh, have a good day.\n
[12:48] ---
    We're off!\n
[12:49] ---
    We're awful!\n
[12:51] ---
    We're awfully awesome!\n
[12:55] ---
    Congrats to the new couple!\n
[12:58] ---
    Y-You've got it all wrong! It'll never work!\n
[13:02] ---
    True. After all, he is in primary school.
[13:05] ---
    Indecent?\n
[13:07] ---
    Criminal? Perverted?\n
[13:10] ---
    But I wonder. You did say you'd go out with him.
[13:14] ---
    How would he feel if you\ntold him "Yeah, never mind" now?\n
[13:17] ---
    Huh?\n
[13:18] ---
    Kanade's a lonely young man\nwho lost his mother in third grade...\n
[13:23] ---
    "Children Crossing"\n
[13:31] ---
    "Bamboo Primary School"\n
[13:33] ---
    Now, what I'd like the students\nof Bamboo Primary to remember today\n
[13:36] ---
    is "SUSHI." Now, I don't mean the food.\n
[13:40] ---
    --The "S" stands for "Stranger danger."\n--Ow! I sprained my fingers!\n
[13:44] ---
    Mr. Principal, the boys are acting up!\n
[13:46] ---
    Er...\n
[13:54] ---
    Even at a new school,\nmy head's full of thoughts of Kanade...\n
[13:59] ---
    Do you want to die or what?!\n
[14:01] ---
    What should I do?\n
[14:07] ---
    Kanade? Kanade, what are you doing?!\n
[14:12] ---
    Kaho? His wner is in a bad place!\n
[14:15] ---
    Huh?\n
[14:20] ---
    Hey! Is your wner okay?\n
[14:22] ---
    Wner pain, go away! Wner pain, go away!\n
[14:27] ---
    Wner, go away!\n
[14:34] ---
    Wait! Don't wish his wner away!\nWhere's it gonna go?!\n
[14:40] ---
    Um... into the sky or something?\n
[14:43] ---
    Hey, Kaho--where's his wner gonna go?\n
[14:47] ---
    Um, uh... where indeed?\n
[14:51] ---
    "No Opinions Needed"\nt couldn't be buried somewhere, could it?!\n
[14:54] ---
    Could it?!
[14:59] ---
    We found Gin's wner!\n
[15:01] ---
    Gin's wner! Golden pp!\n
[15:03] ---
    That is not my w°°ner!
[15:06] ---
    I'm glad everything's\nall right. I-I'll just be--\n
[15:10] ---
    Wait, Kaho!\n
[15:13] ---
    Play tip-top tag with us!\n
[15:16] ---
    Tip-top tag?\n
[15:20] ---
    "Tip-top tag" is a popular game\nat Japan's primary schools\n
[15:23] ---
    that can be played\nwherever there's higher ground.\n
[15:26] ---
    More commonly known as "high tag,"\n
[15:28] ---
    it's also called "climb tag,"\n"air tag," and "up-and-up"\n
[15:33] ---
    depending on the region.\n
[15:36] ---
    Viewers at home, what do you call it?
[15:43] ---
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5!\n
[15:50] ---
    Wait up!\n
[15:53] ---
    Kaho! He's gonna tag you! Run away!\n
[15:56] ---
    Oh, uh, okay!\n
[16:00] ---
    Oof!\n
[16:04] ---
    Are you all right?\n
[16:06] ---
    Oh, Taga! I'm sorry!\n
[16:09] ---
    That Kanade's a rambunctious one. Be careful.\n
[16:11] ---
    I-I will.\n
[16:13] ---
    Oh, Taga!\n
[16:15] ---
    Okay, take care!\n
[16:18] ---
    Kaho, Tom is "it" now, so hurry to high ground!\n
[16:22] ---
    Oh, um, right!\n
[16:25] ---
    Hup!\n
[16:28] ---
    Tch!\n
[16:32] ---
    Not the climbing poles again, Gin!
[16:35] ---
    Gin really likes those things!\n
[16:38] ---
    Haven't you figured out\nwhat's so great about them?\n
[16:42] ---
    What is so great about them, anyway?
[16:49] ---
    I think I get it.\n
[16:52] ---
    You're welcome.\n
[16:54] ---
    Hey, what's keeping Kaz?\n
[16:56] ---
    Kaz?\n
[16:57] ---
    Kaz'll be here soon. He's crazy cool.\n
[17:01] ---
    The coolest of us all.\n
[17:03] ---
    So there's another guy who's decidedly un-primary-kid-like?
[17:10] ---
    So: I'm in primary school, too. What now?\n
[17:13] ---
    Don't cheat on me, now, Kaho.\n
[17:16] ---
    Ch-Cheat on you?\n
[17:18] ---
    Kaz is an amazing guy.\n
[17:20] ---
    He might just steal\nyour girlfriend away, Kanade.\n
[17:23] ---
    He's our class rep, too. A real big shot!\n
[17:25] ---
    Don't make me mad, you guys!\n
[17:27] ---
    I apologize for being late.\n
[17:28] ---
    You finally made it!\n
[17:30] ---
    What could he be like?\n
[17:32] ---
    Let me introduce you. This is Kaz.\n
[17:36] ---
    Nice to meet you. I'm Kazuo Noguchi.\n
[17:39] ---
    "Kazuo Noguchi - 5th-Grader"\n
[17:41] ---
    Finally, a normal primary-school kid!\n
[17:44] ---
    She's been done in by Kaz's coolness.\n
[17:46] ---
    Hmm.\n
[17:50] ---
    Sorry to disappoint you.\n
[17:53] ---
    Oh, no--I'm actually kind of relieved.\n
[17:58] ---
    Hey, this is feeling like\nsome kind of cuckolding setup.\n
[18:01] ---
    Eeeyikes! What are you gonna do, Kanade?\n
[18:03] ---
    Shaddap! Kaho's my girlfriend.\n
[18:07] ---
    Kanade, it's kind of embarrassing,\nso maybe don't spell it out like that...\n
[18:16] ---
    Okay, back to it!\n
[18:18] ---
    Yeah! I'm "it"!\n
[18:20] ---
    Hey, wait!\n
[18:21] ---
    No time-outs!\n
[18:23] ---
    It's an emergency!\n
[18:27] ---
    Geez, you're adjusting your jnk?\n
[18:29] ---
    Don't want a wner-leaner.\n
[18:31] ---
    Wner-leaner?\n
[18:38] ---
    It's about finding the most\ncomfortable spot for your wner.\n
[18:41] ---
    For your...\n
[18:43] ---
    "Wner"\n
[18:46] ---
    --Gin just shoves his hands right in there.\n--I-I've just connected\n
[18:48] ---
    --Gotta treasure your treasure!\n--some extremely embarrassing dots!\n
[18:50] ---
    But normally you go\nfrom your pockets, like this.\n
[18:53] ---
    The direct approach is more reliable!\n
[18:55] ---
    Do not touch me with those hands!
[18:58] ---
    Now, that just makes\nme want to touch you more.\n
[19:01] ---
    W-Wner hands!\n
[19:04] ---
    Whoa! He's got the wner touch!\n
[19:05] ---
    Run away!\n
[19:09] ---
    St-Stop that! Hands off! Don't touch me!\n
[19:12] ---
    So you're saying I should touch you?\n
[19:17] ---
    --Wn... er! Wn... er!\n--Olé!\n
[19:22] ---
    Wn--?\n
[19:24] ---
    Wn... er...\n
[19:28] ---
    Wn... er...\n
[19:35] ---
    Ding-a-ling!\n
[19:37] ---
    Kaho!\n
[19:42] ---
    Kanade...\n
[19:51] ---
    When a girl is in trouble, reach out to help.\n
[19:55] ---
    That's what my mom taught me.\n
[19:58] ---
    Your mom?\n
[20:00] ---
    So don't worry.\nI'll protect you, no matter what.\n
[20:06] ---
    Kanade...\n
[20:11] ---
    Attention, boys and girls!\n
[20:14] ---
    --It is now 5:30 PM.\n
[20:14] ---
    --Uh-oh--I gotta head home\n--It is now 5:30 PM.\n
[20:16] ---
    --or I'll get Namiko's fists!\n--It is now 5:30 PM.\n
[20:18] ---
    --And I have cram school.\n--Time for everyone playing outside\n
[20:19] ---
    --See you later!\n--Time for everyone playing outside\n
[20:20] ---
    --Kaho.\n--to get home safely.\n
[20:25] ---
    Just so you know,\nI'm against you and Kanade dating.\n
[22:07] ---
    Now for some afterclass homeroom.\n
[22:10] ---
    Okay!\n
[22:12] ---
    Today I'd like to discuss\nthe results you see here!\n
[22:15] ---
    Hmm? That's a lot of "correct"s.\n
[22:17] ---
    Hey, I've got the second most!\n
[22:20] ---
    Aha--so if I came in first...\n
[22:22] ---
    I got it! It's the number of\ncorrect things we did all day!\n
[22:26] ---
    Just the opposite!\n
[22:27] ---
    The more "correct"s, the more you\nmust reflect on what you've done!\n
[22:31] ---
    Say... what?\n
[22:32] ---
    This is a tally of how many\ntimes you've said certain words.\n
[22:36] ---
    Y-Y-You mean th-th-the ones you can't say on TV?\n
[22:41] ---
    Yes, that's right.\n
[22:43] ---
    But what could we have said this many times?\n
[22:45] ---
    Can't think of anything.\n
[22:48] ---
    All we really did today was\nhit our wners on the jungle gym,\n
[22:52] ---
    rub our wners on the climbing poles,\n
[22:54] ---**
    and adjust our jnk.\n
[22:57] ---
    Huh?\n
[22:57] ---
    "Gin | Tom | Kanade"\n
[22:59] ---
    The count's gone up!\n
[23:02] ---
    But why?\n
[23:03] ---
    --What gives? All he said was "wner" and "j*nk"!\n
[23:04] ---
    --What gives? All he said was "wner" and "jnk"!\n--"W**ner" and "jnk" are perfectly fine words!\n
[23:07] ---
    --What gives? All he said was "wner" and "j*nk"!\n--Why them?\n
[23:08] ---
    --Something's fishy!\n--Why "wner"? Wner! J*nk! And... wner!\n
[23:08] ---
    --Ooh... is this...\n--Why "wner"? Wner! pp! And... wner!\n
[23:12] ---
    Enough already! Quit saying "wner"!\n
[23:19] ---
    Aw, too bad.\n
[23:22] ---
    "Taga | Kazu | Kota"\n
[23:23] ---
    Oh...\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...\n
[23:29] ---
    "High-school freshman Kaho is dating\nfifth-grader Kanade. It's her first love,"\n
[23:32] ---
    "not to mention her first boyfriend,"\nAll on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:\n
[23:33] ---
    "and she's determined to learn more about him."\nAll on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:\n
[23:34] ---
    "Ah, Kasumi House"!\n
[23:36] ---**
    And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n