# 1 - So: I'm in Primary School. What Now?
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/GY3VGKV9R/first-love-monster)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:11] ---**
Um...\n
**[00:13] ---**
Would you please tell me your name?\n
**[00:18] ---**
No.\n
**[00:20] ---**
Huh?\n
**[00:22] ---**
I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.\n
**[00:26] ---**
And you're a little creepy.\n
**[00:32] ---**
Thus my first love ended.\n
**[00:36] ---**
"Tsurukame Moving"\n
**[00:36] ---**
"Tsurukame Moving"\nLet me go back to when it started,\n
**[00:38] ---**
three hours ago.\n
**[00:41] ---**
My name is Kaho Nikaido.\n
**[00:44] ---**
My family, well, they own a lot of land.\n
**[00:48] ---**
In other words, they're rich.\n
**[00:51] ---**
My parents treated me like\na princess, spoiling me rotten,\n
**[00:55] ---**
probably because they\nhad me when they were older.\n
**[00:59] ---**
Locals and teachers were\nhyper-aware of my family's influence\n
**[01:02] ---**
and never got angry with me.\n
**[01:05] ---**
My friends were all schoolmates\nmy folks had asked to hang out with me.\n
**[01:10] ---**
As a result,\n
**[01:12] ---**
I've never had anyone mad at me.\n
**[01:15] ---**
What do you make of a person like that?\n
**[01:18] ---**
A real mess, right? Hopeless.\n
**[01:22] ---**
I'm sorry for being alive.\n
**[01:25] ---**
So this spring, I left my hometown\n
**[01:28] ---**
to turn over a new leaf in the city.\n
**[01:33] ---**
"Kasumi House"\n
**[01:35] ---**
This is Kasumi House?\n
**[01:39] ---**
Ahhh...\n
**[01:40] ---**
Yikes!\n
**[01:41] ---**
--I-I'm so sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry!\n--Um, are you Miss Nikaido?\n
**[01:47] ---**
M-Might you be the landlord?\n
**[01:50] ---**
--Er, uh, I'm, well...\n--So young! Are all Tokyo landlords this young?\n
**[01:56] ---**
To be making a fortune\nat such a tender age... I bet it's IT!\n
**[01:58] ---**
He's managing apartments\nwith the money he made in IT!\n
**[02:00] ---**
Uh, no, I'm just a high-school student!\n
**[02:03] ---**
The landlord had some business\ntoday, so he asked me to help out.\n
**[02:07] ---**
"Kota Shinohara - High School Freshman"\n
**[02:08] ---**
What a pointless delusion that was.\n
**[02:10] ---**
Um, thank you very much. Nice meeting you.\n
**[02:14] ---**
Yeah, same h--\n
**[02:16] ---**
Can we bring in your things?\n
**[02:18] ---**
Second floor, please!\n
**[02:21] ---**
Oh, I'll help, too!\n
**[02:25] ---**
Oof! Wow, heavier than I thought...\n
**[02:34] ---**
Are you all right?!\n
**[02:38] ---**
Just have a seat! This is *our* job!
**[02:47] ---**
Feels like I'm getting in the way again.\n
**[02:50] ---**
Oh!\n
**[02:54] ---**
The *kokeshi* my brother gave me!
**[02:57] ---**
Wait! That's my brother's *kokeshi*!
**[03:28] ---**
Do you want to die or what?!\n
**[03:33] ---**
Didn't anyone tell you\nnot to jump out at corners?\n
**[03:36] ---**
If a car hit a little kid like you,\nyou'd be squashed dead like an ant!\n
**[03:43] ---**
Are you even listening?\n
**[03:46] ---**
What are you after?\n
**[03:48] ---**
--I-Is it money? A favor from my parents? --I'm not interested in your money *or* your folks.
**[03:55] ---**
Liar.\n
**[03:56] ---**
You wouldn't save the likes of me\nif you weren't after something.\n
**[04:01] ---**
Don't you usually save\npeople who are about to die?\n
**[04:05] ---**
And I heard saying "the likes of me"\nwill mess you up for real.\n
**[04:12] ---**
You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.\n
**[04:16] ---**
"The likes of me," my foot.\n
**[04:18] ---**
Cute...?\n
**[04:22] ---**
See you.\n
**[04:24] ---**
W-Wait!\n
**[04:27] ---**
Um... Would you please tell me your name?\n
**[04:30] ---**
Huh? No.\n
**[04:33] ---**
I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.\n
**[04:36] ---**
And you're a little creepy.\n
**[04:42] ---**
And that brings us to where we started.\n
**[05:06] ---**
"FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
**[06:19] ---**
Um, are you okay?\n
**[06:22] ---**
Uh, er, thank goodness you weren't hurt.\n
**[06:25] ---**
He *saw* me?!
**[06:27] ---**
A boy I only just met saw\nme fall in love at first sight,\n
**[06:30] ---**
get called "creepy," and be rejected?\n
**[06:36] ---**
About that boy...\n
**[06:39] ---**
Just a second, Shinohara!\n
**[06:42] ---**
Ch-Chiaki!\n
**[06:45] ---**
"Chiaki Yokouchi - High School Sophomore"\n
**[06:47] ---**
I'm just going to cut to the chase:\n
**[06:49] ---**
You fell in love, didn't you?\n
**[06:57] ---**
H-How did you know?\n
**[07:00] ---**
Get to be like me and you can just tell.\n
**[07:02] ---**
That's a city high-school girl for you!\n
**[07:05] ---**
But forget it. I don't even know his name,\n
**[07:08] ---**
and it's not like I'll ever see him again.\n
**[07:12] ---**
What if you did?\n
**[07:14] ---**
Huh? If I saw him?\n
**[07:17] ---**
Um, the thing is, he--\n
**[07:18] ---**
Shut it, Shinohara!\n
**[07:19] ---**
Those who'd thwart a young girl's love ought to go trip over a *kokeshi*!
**[07:23] ---**
No wonder you're a virgin!\n
**[07:25] ---**
That has nothing to do with it!\n
**[07:28] ---**
All this noise outside our front door\nis disturbing the neighbors.\n
**[07:32] ---**
Well, Taga, aren't you cocky.\n
**[07:35] ---**
"Atsushi Taga - College Freshman"\n
**[07:37] ---**
Geez. Act your age.\n
**[07:40] ---**
I'll show you, Taga...\n
**[07:42] ---**
Oh, please don't fight!\n
**[07:45] ---**
Cram it, virgin.\n
**[07:47] ---**
It's the super-sadist versus the brute!\n
**[07:50] ---**
Wait--how did you...\n
**[07:52] ---**
Am I wrong?\n
**[07:54] ---**
Busted, virgin!\n
**[07:56] ---**
Um, I'll just be on my way.\n
**[08:00] ---**
Oh...\n
**[08:10] ---**
Am I going to be okay?\nWill I get used to all this?\n
**[08:23] ---**
So much happened today.\n
**[08:27] ---**
Now that I've been dumped,\n
**[08:29] ---**
clearly no one will want\nthe likes of me as long as I live.\n
**[08:35] ---**
I heard saying "the likes of me"\nwill mess you up for real.\n
**[08:40] ---**
You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.\n
**[08:44] ---**
"The likes of me," my foot.\n
**[08:47] ---**
No way will I see him again.\nIt'll be fate if I do.\n
**[08:53] ---**
Huh? You live here?\n
**[08:56] ---**
Huh?! Uh, yes!\n
**[08:59] ---**
Huh. Well, good to see you.\n
**[09:03] ---**
It's fate!\n
**[09:04] ---**
Wait!\n
**[09:05] ---**
Today you saved me,\nand I got yelled at for the first time ever.\n
**[09:10] ---**
Wow. My whole life is being yelled at.\n
**[09:13] ---**
A-And I didn't think we'd meet again...\n
**[09:18] ---**
Well, if we're living in\nthe same place, we're bound to.\n
**[09:22] ---**
And...\n
**[09:23] ---**
Oh, my name. Kanade Takahashi.\n
**[09:27] ---**
You're giving me your name?!\n
**[09:29] ---**
You're not creepy if you live here.\n
**[09:31] ---**
What about you?\n
**[09:33] ---**
It's polite to give your own name\nwhen someone gives you theirs.\n
**[09:36] ---**
Sorry. I'm Kaho Nikaido.\n
**[09:39] ---**
'Kay. Later.\n
**[09:40] ---**
Please, wait!\n
**[09:42] ---**
There's more?\n
**[09:44] ---**
I... um, it looks like...\n
**[09:48] ---**
It looks like I love you!\n
**[09:59] ---**
We can date if you like.\n
**[10:02] ---**
If you can still say you love me\nonce you know the real me,\n
**[10:05] ---**
then yeah, we can date.\n
**[10:08] ---**
Think it over till tomorrow.\n
**[10:11] ---**
No way!\n
**[10:19] ---**
What's his "real me," anyway?\n
**[10:22] ---**
Is he married? Does he have kids?\nIs he into guys, too?\n
**[10:27] ---**
Does he have tons of debt?\n
**[10:28] ---**
Is he an alien? Or from the future?\n
**[10:31] ---**
Does he have ESP? Is he really a girl?\n
**[10:38] ---**
I couldn't sleep a wink...\n
**[10:41] ---**
But no matter what\nhis secret is, I'll deal with it...\n
**[10:49] ---**
...and I'll go out with him!\n
**[10:56] ---**
You really came!\n
**[11:03] ---**
Uh-huh!\n
**[11:10] ---**
So: I'm in primary school. What now?\n
**[11:24] ---**
"Kanade Takahashi - 5th-Grader"\n
**[11:27] ---**
And that's how the monster\ncalled "first love" began its assault.\n
**[11:35] ---**
"So: I'm in Primary School. What Now?"\n
**[11:38] ---**
"Takahashi"\n
**[11:38] ---**
So are we going to go out?\n
**[11:41] ---**
Huh? Um, I, uh...\n
**[11:44] ---**
Yes!\n
**[11:48] ---**
Then as of today, you're my girlfriend.\n
**[11:52] ---**
Now I, too, finally had the\ncool boyfriend I'd always wanted.\n
**[11:57] ---**
"And they lived happily ever after"\n
**[12:03] ---**
As if!\n
**[12:05] ---**
No way--not a primary-school kid!\n
**[12:08] ---**
Yodel-ay-hoo-hee, Kanade!\n
**[12:11] ---**
Huh? Are these your friends?\n
**[12:13] ---**
Yep. We're in the same class.\n
**[12:15] ---**
This kid with the glasses is Gin...\n
**[12:17] ---**
"Ginjiro Sannomiya - 5th-Grader"\n
**[12:19] ---**
...and this one with the hair is Tom.\n
**[12:22] ---**
"Tomu Kaneko - 5th-Grader"\n
**[12:23] ---**
Is this what *all* primary-school kids are like these days?!
**[12:28] ---**
This here is my girlfriend.\n
**[12:30] ---**
H-Hi.\n
**[12:32] ---**
Aw, man--*I* wanted a girlfriend! And she's older, too!
**[12:37] ---**
I see... You've climbed\nthe stairs to adulthood, Kanade.\n
**[12:41] ---**
Stairs to adulthood...?\n
**[12:44] ---**
Okay, Kaho, see you later.\n
**[12:46] ---**
Oh, have a good day.\n
**[12:48] ---**
We're off!\n
**[12:49] ---**
We're awful!\n
**[12:51] ---**
We're awfully awesome!\n
**[12:55] ---**
Congrats to the new couple!\n
**[12:58] ---**
Y-You've got it all wrong! It'll never work!\n
**[13:02] ---**
True. After all, he *is* in primary school.
**[13:05] ---**
Indecent?\n
**[13:07] ---**
Criminal? Perverted?\n
**[13:10] ---**
But I wonder. You *did* say you'd go out with him.
**[13:14] ---**
How would he feel if you\ntold him "Yeah, never mind" now?\n
**[13:17] ---**
Huh?\n
**[13:18] ---**
Kanade's a lonely young man\nwho lost his mother in third grade...\n
**[13:23] ---**
"Children Crossing"\n
**[13:31] ---**
"Bamboo Primary School"\n
**[13:33] ---**
Now, what I'd like the students\nof Bamboo Primary to remember today\n
**[13:36] ---**
is "SUSHI." Now, I don't mean the food.\n
**[13:40] ---**
--The "S" stands for "Stranger danger."\n--Ow! I sprained my fingers!\n
**[13:44] ---**
Mr. Principal, the boys are acting up!\n
**[13:46] ---**
Er...\n
**[13:54] ---**
Even at a new school,\nmy head's full of thoughts of Kanade...\n
**[13:59] ---**
Do you want to die or what?!\n
**[14:01] ---**
What should I do?\n
**[14:07] ---**
Kanade? Kanade, what are you doing?!\n
**[14:12] ---**
Kaho? His w**ner is in a bad place!\n
**[14:15] ---**
Huh?\n
**[14:20] ---**
Hey! Is your w**ner okay?\n
**[14:22] ---**
W**ner pain, go away! W**ner pain, go away!\n
**[14:27] ---**
W**ner, go away!\n
**[14:34] ---**
Wait! Don't wish his w**ner away!\nWhere's it gonna go?!\n
**[14:40] ---**
Um... into the sky or something?\n
**[14:43] ---**
Hey, Kaho--where's his w**ner gonna go?\n
**[14:47] ---**
Um, uh... where indeed?\n
**[14:51] ---**
"No Opinions Needed"\nt couldn't be buried somewhere, could it?!\n
**[14:54] ---**
*Could* it?!
**[14:59] ---**
We found Gin's w**ner!\n
**[15:01] ---**
Gin's w**ner! Golden p**p!\n
**[15:03] ---**
That is *not* my w°°ner!
**[15:06] ---**
I'm glad everything's\nall right. I-I'll just be--\n
**[15:10] ---**
Wait, Kaho!\n
**[15:13] ---**
Play tip-top tag with us!\n
**[15:16] ---**
Tip-top tag?\n
**[15:20] ---**
"Tip-top tag" is a popular game\nat Japan's primary schools\n
**[15:23] ---**
that can be played\nwherever there's higher ground.\n
**[15:26] ---**
More commonly known as "high tag,"\n
**[15:28] ---**
it's also called "climb tag,"\n"air tag," and "up-and-up"\n
**[15:33] ---**
depending on the region.\n
**[15:36] ---**
Viewers at home, what do *you* call it?
**[15:43] ---**
1, 2, 3, 4, 5!\n
**[15:50] ---**
Wait up!\n
**[15:53] ---**
Kaho! He's gonna tag you! Run away!\n
**[15:56] ---**
Oh, uh, okay!\n
**[16:00] ---**
Oof!\n
**[16:04] ---**
Are you all right?\n
**[16:06] ---**
Oh, Taga! I'm sorry!\n
**[16:09] ---**
That Kanade's a rambunctious one. Be careful.\n
**[16:11] ---**
I-I will.\n
**[16:13] ---**
Oh, Taga!\n
**[16:15] ---**
Okay, take care!\n
**[16:18] ---**
Kaho, Tom is "it" now, so hurry to high ground!\n
**[16:22] ---**
Oh, um, right!\n
**[16:25] ---**
Hup!\n
**[16:28] ---**
Tch!\n
**[16:32] ---**
Not the climbing poles *again*, Gin!
**[16:35] ---**
Gin really likes those things!\n
**[16:38] ---**
Haven't you figured out\nwhat's so great about them?\n
**[16:42] ---**
What *is* so great about them, anyway?
**[16:49] ---**
I think I get it.\n
**[16:52] ---**
You're welcome.\n
**[16:54] ---**
Hey, what's keeping Kaz?\n
**[16:56] ---**
Kaz?\n
**[16:57] ---**
Kaz'll be here soon. He's crazy cool.\n
**[17:01] ---**
The coolest of us all.\n
**[17:03] ---**
So there's *another* guy who's decidedly un-primary-kid-like?
**[17:10] ---**
So: I'm in primary school, too. What now?\n
**[17:13] ---**
Don't cheat on me, now, Kaho.\n
**[17:16] ---**
Ch-Cheat on you?\n
**[17:18] ---**
Kaz is an amazing guy.\n
**[17:20] ---**
He might just steal\nyour girlfriend away, Kanade.\n
**[17:23] ---**
He's our class rep, too. A real big shot!\n
**[17:25] ---**
Don't make me mad, you guys!\n
**[17:27] ---**
I apologize for being late.\n
**[17:28] ---**
You finally made it!\n
**[17:30] ---**
What could he be like?\n
**[17:32] ---**
Let me introduce you. This is Kaz.\n
**[17:36] ---**
Nice to meet you. I'm Kazuo Noguchi.\n
**[17:39] ---**
"Kazuo Noguchi - 5th-Grader"\n
**[17:41] ---**
Finally, a normal primary-school kid!\n
**[17:44] ---**
She's been done in by Kaz's coolness.\n
**[17:46] ---**
Hmm.\n
**[17:50] ---**
Sorry to disappoint you.\n
**[17:53] ---**
Oh, no--I'm actually kind of relieved.\n
**[17:58] ---**
Hey, this is feeling like\nsome kind of cuckolding setup.\n
**[18:01] ---**
Eeeyikes! What are you gonna do, Kanade?\n
**[18:03] ---**
Shaddap! Kaho's my girlfriend.\n
**[18:07] ---**
Kanade, it's kind of embarrassing,\nso maybe don't spell it out like that...\n
**[18:16] ---**
Okay, back to it!\n
**[18:18] ---**
Yeah! I'm "it"!\n
**[18:20] ---**
Hey, wait!\n
**[18:21] ---**
No time-outs!\n
**[18:23] ---**
It's an emergency!\n
**[18:27] ---**
Geez, you're adjusting your j*nk?\n
**[18:29] ---**
Don't want a w**ner-leaner.\n
**[18:31] ---**
W**ner-leaner?\n
**[18:38] ---**
It's about finding the most\ncomfortable spot for your w**ner.\n
**[18:41] ---**
For your...\n
**[18:43] ---**
"W**ner"\n
**[18:46] ---**
--Gin just shoves his hands right in there.\n--I-I've just connected\n
**[18:48] ---**
--Gotta treasure your treasure!\n--some extremely embarrassing dots!\n
**[18:50] ---**
But normally you go\nfrom your pockets, like this.\n
**[18:53] ---**
The direct approach is more reliable!\n
**[18:55] ---**
Do *not* touch me with those hands!
**[18:58] ---**
Now, that just makes\nme want to touch you more.\n
**[19:01] ---**
W-W**ner hands!\n
**[19:04] ---**
Whoa! He's got the w**ner touch!\n
**[19:05] ---**
Run away!\n
**[19:09] ---**
St-Stop that! Hands off! Don't touch me!\n
**[19:12] ---**
So you're saying I should touch you?\n
**[19:17] ---**
--W**n... er! W**n... er!\n--Olé!\n
**[19:22] ---**
W**n--?\n
**[19:24] ---**
W**n... er...\n
**[19:28] ---**
W**n... er...\n
**[19:35] ---**
Ding-a-ling!\n
**[19:37] ---**
Kaho!\n
**[19:42] ---**
Kanade...\n
**[19:51] ---**
When a girl is in trouble, reach out to help.\n
**[19:55] ---**
That's what my mom taught me.\n
**[19:58] ---**
Your mom?\n
**[20:00] ---**
So don't worry.\nI'll protect you, no matter what.\n
**[20:06] ---**
Kanade...\n
**[20:11] ---**
Attention, boys and girls!\n
**[20:14] ---**
--It is now 5:30 PM.\n
**[20:14] ---**
--Uh-oh--I gotta head home\n--It is now 5:30 PM.\n
**[20:16] ---**
--or I'll get Namiko's fists!\n--It is now 5:30 PM.\n
**[20:18] ---**
--And I have cram school.\n--Time for everyone playing outside\n
**[20:19] ---**
--See you later!\n--Time for everyone playing outside\n
**[20:20] ---**
--Kaho.\n--to get home safely.\n
**[20:25] ---**
Just so you know,\nI'm against you and Kanade dating.\n
**[22:07] ---**
Now for some afterclass homeroom.\n
**[22:10] ---**
Okay!\n
**[22:12] ---**
Today I'd like to discuss\nthe results you see here!\n
**[22:15] ---**
Hmm? That's a lot of "correct"s.\n
**[22:17] ---**
Hey, I've got the second most!\n
**[22:20] ---**
Aha--so if I came in first...\n
**[22:22] ---**
I got it! It's the number of\ncorrect things we did all day!\n
**[22:26] ---**
Just the opposite!\n
**[22:27] ---**
The more "correct"s, the more you\nmust reflect on what you've done!\n
**[22:31] ---**
Say... what?\n
**[22:32] ---**
This is a tally of how many\ntimes you've said certain words.\n
**[22:36] ---**
Y-Y-You mean th-th-the ones you can't say on TV?\n
**[22:41] ---**
Yes, that's right.\n
**[22:43] ---**
But what could we have said this many times?\n
**[22:45] ---**
Can't think of anything.\n
**[22:48] ---**
All we really did today was\nhit our w**ners on the jungle gym,\n
**[22:52] ---**
rub our w**ners on the climbing poles,\n
**[22:54] ---**
and adjust our j*nk.\n
**[22:57] ---**
Huh?\n
**[22:57] ---**
"Gin | Tom | Kanade"\n
**[22:59] ---**
The count's gone up!\n
**[23:02] ---**
But why?\n
**[23:03] ---**
--What gives? All he said was "w**ner" and "j*nk"!\n
**[23:04] ---**
--What gives? All he said was "w**ner" and "j*nk"!\n--"W**ner" and "j*nk" are perfectly fine words!\n
**[23:07] ---**
--What gives? All he said was "w**ner" and "j*nk"!\n--Why them?\n
**[23:08] ---**
--Something's fishy!\n--Why "w**ner"? W**ner! J*nk! And... w**ner!\n
**[23:08] ---**
--Ooh... is this...\n--Why "w**ner"? W**ner! p**p! And... w**ner!\n
**[23:12] ---**
Enough already! Quit saying "w**ner"!\n
**[23:19] ---**
Aw, too bad.\n
**[23:22] ---**
"Taga | Kazu | Kota"\n
**[23:23] ---**
Oh...\n
**[23:25] ---**
Renren here!\n
**[23:26] ---**
Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...\n
**[23:29] ---**
"High-school freshman Kaho is dating\nfifth-grader Kanade. It's her first love,"\n
**[23:32] ---**
"not to mention her first boyfriend,"\nAll on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:\n
**[23:33] ---**
"and she's determined to learn more about him."\nAll on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:\n
**[23:34] ---**
"Ah, Kasumi House"!\n
**[23:36] ---**
And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n