8 - Kanade's Telephone Helpline

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:24] ---
    I'm not about to lose! My justice will never lose!
[00:29] ---
    It's always the same with you!\n
[00:31] ---
    Time to realize the error of your ways!\n
[00:36] ---
    Which one? Who will it be?!\n
[00:48] ---
    Kanade!\n
[00:55] ---
    Tom!\n
[01:01] ---
    T-Tom won!\n
[01:03] ---
    No...\n
[01:06] ---
    The real winner is love.\n
[01:13] ---
    I-It's poop!\n
[01:19] ---
    Phew! That was a blast!\n
[01:22] ---
    --I'm exhausted.\n--Next time, let's have a space-robot war!\n
[01:25] ---
    Yeah!\n
[01:29] ---
    "Love," huh?\n
[01:52] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[03:03] ---
    "Kanade's Telephone Helpline"\n
[03:07] ---
    "Security Office"\n
[03:14] ---
    Thank you very much for everything.\n
[03:16] ---
    Get home safe, now.\n
[03:18] ---
    Yes, sir.\n
[03:23] ---
    Sorry you had to come and get me, Mr. Takahashi.\n
[03:27] ---
    Why were you snooping around\na primary school in the first place?\n
[03:49] ---
    Kaho's in a real fix.\n
[03:51] ---
    And she can't talk about it.\n
[04:04] ---
    To be ignored by her ex Kanade and mistaken for a stalker?
[04:09] ---
    It's complicated, huh.\n
[04:12] ---
    Oh, that's right: you got a call from home.\n
[04:15] ---
    Huh?\n
[04:16] ---
    They said you weren't answering\nyour cell. It seemed urgent.\n
[04:21] ---
    "Received Calls: Brother"\n"87 New Calls"\n
[04:22] ---
    Oh!\n
[04:24] ---
    That urgent, huh?
[04:26] ---
    You have telegrams, too.\n
[04:29] ---
    "Telegram"\n"Miss Kaho Nikaido: Contact ASAP"\n
[04:32] ---
    Look at them all...\n
[04:33] ---
    I-I'll just give him a call.\n
[04:43] ---
    What's with that moan?!\n
[04:45] ---
    I... I'm going home!\n
[04:48] ---
    What?!\n
[05:00] ---
    Hey, Kanade, what was\nyour deal in dodgeball today?\n
[05:03] ---
    Going down in one hit--isn't your heart in it?\n
[05:09] ---
    I've got something to say, too. Look here!\n
[05:13] ---
    When it comes to serving fair\nlunch portions, you can't be beat!\n
[05:18] ---
    So why do I have two carrots?!
[05:21] ---
    It's not like you!\n
[05:25] ---
    He's right. It's not.\n
[05:28] ---
    I can't say I'm quite myself yet either,\n
[05:31] ---
    but looking at you, I think we're the same.\n
[05:37] ---
    Kanade, you're lovesick, aren't you.\n
[05:41] ---
    You did break up with that one girl, right?\n
[05:43] ---
    So it's a new girl?\n
[05:45] ---
    What a play-ball!\n
[05:47] ---
    Right?\n
[05:47] ---
    That's playboy!
[05:49] ---
    Hanako.\n
[05:51] ---
    Who's Hanako?\n
[05:52] ---
    Hey! Are you listening? Who's Hanako?!\n
[05:59] ---
    Kaho...\n
[06:08] ---
    What the heck is going on with Kanade, anyway?\n
[06:11] ---
    At times like this, there's only\none thing we, as friends, can do!\n
[06:16] ---
    The Ten-Time Quiz!\n
[06:18] ---
    Yay! Yum-yum eat-'em-up!\n
[06:20] ---
    Kanade, say "rest" ten times.\n
[06:23] ---
    Rest, rest, rest, rest,\nrest, rest, rest, rest...\n
[06:30] ---
    In the "ten-time quiz" game,\n
[06:32] ---
    one person makes another\nsay a given word ten times,\n
[06:34] ---
    then asks a question to provoke\nan incorrect, yet amusing response.\n
[06:39] ---
    It is said to have its roots in ancient Rome,\n
[06:42] ---
    where a pizzeria owner would\njab his customers with his elbow\n
[06:46] ---
    when they inevitably fell for\nhis trick and said "knee" instead.\n
[06:51] ---
    ...rest, rest.\n
[06:53] ---
    Now add a B!\n
[06:56] ---
    Rest-buh.
[06:58] ---
    Huh?!\n
[06:59] ---
    No, it's "breast"! "Breast"!\n
[07:01] ---
    That's right! Kanade got it wrong! Ha-ha!\n
[07:06] ---
    Kanade...\n
[07:08] ---
    He got it wrong!\n
[07:10] ---
    Rest-buh!
[07:12] ---
    I'm home.\n
[07:13] ---
    Pardon the intrusion.\n
[07:14] ---
    Hey, Kanade.\n
[07:15] ---
    We're having your favorite tonight:\nbatter-fried fishcake with seaweed.\n
[07:19] ---
    You're supposed to gargle when you get home.\n
[07:26] ---
    What's going on with Kanade?\n
[07:29] ---
    I think he must be lovesick.\n
[07:31] ---
    Huh?!\n
[07:32] ---
    That Kanade? That's not Kanade.\n
[07:35] ---
    But I don't know what to do.\nI followed him home, but...\n
[07:39] ---
    Oh, I see. Now that is a problem.
[07:43] ---
    "Children's Telephone Helpline - Got questions\nor problems you can't talk to Mom about?"\n
[07:47] ---
    "Children's Telephone Helpline"?\n
[07:50] ---
    You mean, kids can call this number\n
[07:52] ---
    and a grown-up will answer all their questions?\n
[07:55] ---
    All of them?!
[07:57] ---
    Really? Awesome! Let's do it!\n
[07:59] ---
    What are we gonna ask, huh? Huh?\n
[08:00] ---
    --They help with your problems...?\n--Something naughty?\n
[08:03] ---
    Kanade! Don't you have something you want to ask?
[08:07] ---
    M-Me?\n
[08:08] ---
    Oh! I have something\nI wanna ask a grown-up about!\n
[08:11] ---
    You do?!\n
[08:12] ---
    Yes.\n
[08:13] ---
    Okay, let's borrow Dad's cell!\n
[08:16] ---
    Yeah!\n
[08:17] ---
    Yesss!\n
[08:19] ---
    Kanade and the gang seem interested, anyway.\n
[08:22] ---
    When you mentioned running\na children's telephone hotline,\n
[08:26] ---
    I wasn't sure what to expect.\n
[08:28] ---
    I just wanted to help out those kids,\nso worried about Kanade.\n
[08:32] ---
    But really?\n
[08:33] ---
    Do you think Kaz will call anytime soon?\n
[08:36] ---
    I've got something to ask him!
[08:40] ---
    --Don't the kids do the asking? --Like about you-know-what and such-and so!
[08:42] ---
    --This can't end well.\n--And you-know-where!\n
[08:49] ---
    Hello?\n
[08:51] ---
    Excuse me, is this the\nChildren's Telephone Helpline?\n
[08:55] ---
    It's Kaz! So soon?!
[09:02] ---
    Um, hello?\n
[09:04] ---
    What underwear are you wearing?\n
[09:09] ---
    Wh-What happened?\n
[09:10] ---
    I must have dialed the\nwrong number. I got a pervert.\n
[09:14] ---
    Arashi, don't tell me *that's *what you wanted to ask him!
[09:17] ---
    I instinctively blurted out\n
[09:20] ---
    --You're the worst!\n--what I most wanted to ask!\n
[09:21] ---
    --Those kids are taking these calls seriously!\n--what I most wanted to ask!\n
[09:24] ---
    Next time, I'm picking up!
[09:26] ---
    "Incoming Call"\n
[09:33] ---
    H-Hello, Children's Telephone Helpline.\n
[09:36] ---
    I have a question: Which is softer, a rest-buh--
[09:38] ---
    er, a breast or a cream puff?\n
[09:42] ---
    Whaaat?!\n
[09:43] ---
    Breasts: close encounters of the third kind.\n
[09:46] ---
    Who cares about that stuff?\n
[09:47] ---
    Huh?!\n
[09:48] ---
    Th-that's right. Boring.\n
[09:51] ---
    It is not! Let's see you answer, Kaz!
[09:55] ---
    You might have touched a breast,\nso you know which is softer!\n
[09:59] ---
    I-I don't know! Don't ask me!\n
[10:02] ---
    Something's fishy!\n
[10:03] ---
    Normally you'd say, "That's not even possible!"\n
[10:06] ---
    No way--have you seriously\nfelt up a girl's breasts?\n
[10:10] ---
    I didn't say I felt them up!\n
[10:12] ---
    I-I just bumped into them!\n
[10:15] ---
    So you touched them? Whose? Hanako's?!
[10:17] ---
    Hanako's, right?\n
[10:18] ---
    Quit being weird!\n
[10:20] ---
    The helpline person will hear--\n
[10:23] ---
    What's up, Kota?\n
[10:25] ---
    He just bumped into them!\n
[10:27] ---
    Lucky! I'd like to touch and\npet girl-mode Kota's breasts,\n
[10:31] ---
    even watch him from afar and take pictures,\n
[10:33] ---
    play guessing-games like, "Is this your nipple?"
[10:36] ---
    And if that's off-limits,\n
[10:36] ---
    --He just bumped into them!\n--then I can move to his...\n
[10:38] ---
    I'm asking you nicely: please stop!\n
[10:40] ---
    Why would you even say such things?\n
[10:42] ---
    Don't you have a girlfriend? What about Chiaki?\n
[10:45] ---
    Kota, I love Chiaki more\nthan anyone in the world.\n
[10:51] ---
    However...\n
[10:53] ---
    What I'm saying is: I love Chiaki, but I desire girl-boys.
[11:00] ---
    For a second there, you'd created this illusion\n
[11:02] ---
    that you'd said something amazing.\n
[11:05] ---
    A first-rate pervert's trick.\n
[11:07] ---
    You flatter me.\n
[11:10] ---
    Advice?\n
[11:12] ---
    It doesn't have to be.\n
[11:14] ---
    Just what you're thinking, what's bothering you.\n
[11:17] ---
    Putting it into words\nshould help you understand.\n
[11:30] ---
    Hello?\n
[11:32] ---
    Is this the Children's Telephone Helpline?\n
[11:35] ---
    Yes, it is.\n
[11:37] ---
    I...\n
[11:40] ---
    What is it?\n
[11:43] ---
    Don't overthink it.\nJust say whatever's on your mind.\n
[11:51] ---
    I thought I wasn't lonely with everyone here.\n
[11:55] ---
    Yes?\n
[11:57] ---
    But I am lonely, somehow.
[12:01] ---
    Why is that?\n
[12:05] ---
    I want to talk about\nour class killifish laying eggs,\n
[12:08] ---
    but the crayfish I put in the tank ate them all.\n
[12:11] ---
    And about Hanako who lives in the bathroom,\n
[12:14] ---
    and about Gin throwing up\nthe carrots he ate at lunch...\n
[12:19] ---
    You can tell me.\n
[12:22] ---
    I want to tell Kaho.\n
[12:27] ---
    Aren't you the one who ignored her?
[12:30] ---
    Yeah, but a world without Kaho is hell!\n
[12:39] ---
    Don't tell me...\n
[12:41] ---
    I just can't. I can't stand\nnot being able to see her!\n
[12:50] ---
    H-Hello? Um, if you've realized\nsomeone is precious to you,\n
[12:56] ---
    you should tell them!\n
[12:59] ---
    Tell her?\n
[13:00] ---
    That's right--tell her!\n
[13:03] ---
    She's not around anymore.\n
[13:07] ---
    Why not?!\n
[13:08] ---
    She went home.\n
[13:09] ---
    Huh?\n
[13:11] ---
    You might not see her again.\n
[13:22] ---
    So what's the plan?\n
[13:25] ---
    If you're okay with this,\nthen it's over and done with.\n
[13:28] ---
    I'm not.\n
[13:30] ---
    So... what's the plan?\n
[13:33] ---
    I...\n
[13:35] ---
    I'm going to get Kaho!\n
[14:04] ---
    So you're really going?\n
[14:11] ---
    Yeah.\n
[14:12] ---
    Miss Nikaido's from Kanazawa,\nout in the Hokuriku region!\n
[14:15] ---
    That's five hours by car.\n
[14:18] ---
    And yet...\n
[14:20] ---
    You're going by bike?!
[14:22] ---
    What are you talking about?\nIf you have a bike, you can go anywhere!\n
[14:26] ---
    I'm going, too!\n
[14:28] ---
    Travel with a friend, live with compassion!\n
[14:31] ---
    Me, too. There've been\nUFO sightings where we're headed!\n
[14:36] ---
    I'm comin' along, too!\nI'll head home to Osaka on the way!\n
[14:39] ---
    --Not by bike you're not!\n--Gin, what the heck is that?\n
[14:41] ---
    --It's too dangerous for primary-schoolers,\n--Seaweed!\n
[14:42] ---
    --It's too dangerous for primary-schoolers,\n--The dried kind?\n
[14:43] ---
    --Osaka is in the other direction,\n--The dried kind?\n
[14:44] ---
    --Osaka is in the other direction,\n--Nope, fresh!\n
[14:44] ---
    --you're not listening...\n--Nope, fresh!\n
[14:45] ---
    --you're not listening... --Huh? What's that for?
[14:46] ---
    We're doing this...\n
[14:47] ---
    --Yeah?\n--...fresh...\n
[14:48] ---
    --Oh?\n--...and funky!\n
[14:49] ---
    Really?!\n
[14:50] ---
    --You need a helmet.\n--Awesome!\n
[14:52] ---
    Thank you!\n
[14:54] ---
    Okay, see you 'round and around, propeller!\n
[14:56] ---
    Propeller!\n
[14:58] ---
    Go!\n
[15:04] ---
    Where are you going, Taga?
[15:06] ---
    Why does it matter?\n
[15:09] ---
    You're so nice.\n
[15:26] ---
    Care for a boxed lunch, ice cream, beer, coffee?\n
[15:31] ---
    What kind of lunches do you have?\n
[15:34] ---
    Sandwiches, futomaki sushi, and a seaweed set.
[15:38] ---
    A seaweed set, then.\n
[15:40] ---
    Thank you very much!\n
[15:45] ---
    Seaweed: Kanade's favorite.\n
[15:48] ---
    Kaho, gimme your seaweed!\n
[15:50] ---
    Stare.\n
[15:54] ---
    Here!\n
[15:55] ---
    Hooray!\n
[15:56] ---
    It's a festival of seaweed! Seaweed, yay!\n
[16:02] ---
    Three-second rule! Annnd safe!\n
[16:07] ---
    Ah! My little seaweed pals!\n
[16:24] ---
    First stage: the straightaway!\n
[16:27] ---
    Just leave straightaways\nto the Naniwa Speed Coaster here!\n
[16:35] ---
    Ain't nobody passin' me by, I tell ya what!\n
[16:42] ---
    What is it, Speed Coaster?\n
[16:44] ---
    I forgot the one thing that can cramp my style!\n
[16:48] ---
    What?!\n
[16:49] ---
    Red lights!\n
[16:56] ---
    It's a long one.\n
[16:57] ---
    "Against the red light..."\n
[16:59] ---
    "If we all cross together..."\n
[17:00] ---
    "...there's nothing to fear!"\n
[17:01] ---
    No!\n
[17:03] ---
    Why not, Kanade?\nWe're trying to get you there faster!\n
[17:07] ---
    Don't you even care?\n
[17:08] ---
    "Crossing"\nDon't you even care?\n
[17:09] ---
    Would you crush the feelings\nof the crossing guard,\n
[17:12] ---
    who helps us cross with a\n"Take care and see you later"?\n
[17:15] ---
    Yeah, my moms is a crossing guard.\n
[17:19] ---
    She dresses all in yellow tiger-stripes, though.\n
[17:21] ---
    Hey, the light changed.\n
[17:45] ---
    Second stage: the slope!\n
[17:48] ---
    I'll handle the climb!\n
[17:51] ---
    Huff, huff, huff, huff!\n
[17:57] ---
    Isn't this when people drop out from heat,\nexhaustion, and loss of focus?\n
[18:01] ---
    Here's where it comes down to guts!\n
[18:04] ---
    Bro!\n
[18:05] ---
    Don't worry about me!\n
[18:08] ---
    Go on, Kanade!\n
[18:11] ---
    I'm sorry, Bro!\n
[18:15] ---
    Third stage: the mountain!\n
[18:17] ---
    We're crossing that mountain!\n
[18:19] ---
    Why?\n
[18:20] ---
    Is it a shortcut?\n
[18:21] ---
    Because it's there!\n
[18:24] ---
    Got it!\n
[18:26] ---
    Huff, huff, huff, huff!\n
[18:30] ---
    Tom!\n
[18:33] ---
    Tom! Gin!\n
[18:36] ---
    Kanade!\n
[18:37] ---
    Dog poop!\n
[18:42] ---
    Kanade!\n
[18:49] ---
    "Select! Fresh Wakame - Full of Minerals"\n
[19:02] ---
    'S no use, huh.\n
[19:03] ---
    What can you do? We all got flats.\n
[19:06] ---
    I've got to get to cram school.\n
[19:09] ---
    Kanade, it's time.\n
[19:12] ---
    I won't give up.\n
[19:14] ---
    I'm going, even if I have to walk--or crawl!\n
[19:18] ---
    Kanade!\n
[19:23] ---
    If you want to go that badly, hop in.\n
[19:28] ---
    Atsushi!\n
[19:31] ---
    I'll take care of your machine!\n
[19:33] ---
    Tom!\n
[19:33] ---
    Never fear--I'll make it to cram school on time!\n
[19:36] ---
    Gin!\n
[19:37] ---
    Show 'em your manly spirit!\n
[19:54] ---
    See you later!\n
[20:01] ---
    Well, here I am.\n
[20:08] ---
    Hello?\n
[22:09] ---
    "Afterclass Homeroom"\n
[22:12] ---
    Boy, do I have a scoop for you!\n
[22:16] ---
    According to my big brothers,\n
[22:18] ---
    when you're going\n40 miles per hour on your bike\n
[22:20] ---
    and you do this...
[22:21] ---
    ...it feels like a breast!\n
[22:24] ---
    --Cool!\n--What? It does?\n
[22:26] ---
    It's called "air petting"!\n
[22:28] ---
    So it's all-you-can-touch boobs!\n
[22:30] ---
    Worth a try, huh?\n
[22:32] ---
    But can you even go 40 miles per hour?
[22:36] ---
    Let a grown-up show you how it's done!\n
[22:39] ---
    Good luck, Arashi!\n
[22:40] ---
    Fight!\n
[22:47] ---
    Kaz, isn't this 40 yet?\n
[22:50] ---
    Why are you asking Kaz?\n
[22:52] ---
    B-Because he's good at numbers?\n
[22:56] ---
    Because Kaz is beautiful!\n
[22:59] ---
    What?!\n
[23:00] ---
    Tell me, Kaz: am I... am I there yet?\n
[23:05] ---
    I can't wait! I'm there! Ohhh, I'm so there!
[23:09] ---
    Shut up.\n
[23:13] ---
    Taga, you can kick me more...\n
[23:16] ---
    --You damn pathogen.\n--Hello, police?\n
[23:18] ---
    --Fantasy abandonment?\n--We have a deviant here.\n
[23:20] ---
    --Sure! I'm the strongest around!\n--Please come right away.\n
[23:21] ---
    Yes. The address is...\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:28] ---
    "Kaho reunites with her brother Daikoku\nat her family home in Kanazawa."\n
[23:29] ---
    "Meanwhile, Kanade and Taga arrive,\nhot on her trail! It's a standoff:"\n
[23:30] ---
    "Daikoku, Kaho, Kanade, Taga. Who'll make the first move?" All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:33] ---
    "A Hushed and Crabby Love Song"!\n
[23:35] ---
    And now let's do an impression\nof a boiled Echizen crab!\n
[23:38] ---
    Ready, and: chon!\n