E6 - As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises...

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises...
SIGN    What a nice old lady.
SIGN    She gave us so many medicinal herbs and provisions!
SIGN    Such generosity.
[02:01] Alvin
    Yeah, thanks to her, our guild
    quest is as good as complete.
[02:05] Alvin
    But it was pretty dicey, at first.
[02:08] Alvin
    She was so mad about all we did to her...
[02:11] (Flashback) Carla
    Fire safety first!
[02:13] (Flashback) Carla
    Blast!
[02:15] Carla
    Why did you have to make that
    old lady so angry, Alvin-san?
[02:19] Carla
    Honestly, a grown man...
[02:21] Alvin
    You're the main one she was mad at!
[02:23] Alvin
    But then your spell turned her young again,
[02:27] Alvin
    and made her so happy she cried.
[02:30] (Flashback) Witch
    I can't thank you enough, Carla-sama!
SIGN    Carla-sama
[02:32] Alvin
    She even put a damned
    "-sama" after your name.
[02:35] Alvin
    All's well that ends well, I guess.
[02:37] Alvin
    Now, let's get back to the guild
    and hand over the medicinal herbs.
[02:42] Alvin
    By the way, Carla.
[02:43] Alvin
    You're being awfully quiet.
[02:45] Alvin
    Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?
[02:47] Carla
    Hush!
SIGN    What's up, Big Sis Carla?
[02:51] Alvin
    Oh, heck. Am I right about
    that apocalypse thing?
[02:54] Thief
    Okay, guys, nobody move!
[02:56] Thief
    If y-you dom wamma bie, wep astay
    lom the staggon en gibbe mer yunny!
[03:04] Alvin
    What now?
[03:10] Thief
    Let me try that again!
[03:12] Alvin
    Sure!
[03:13] Thief
    Awesome!
[03:15] Alvin
    Who's that?
[03:17] Carla
    I don't know.
[03:18] Carla
    She seems to be some kind of a thief.
[03:21] Thief
    I'm coming out!
[03:22] Alvin
    Right!
[03:26] Thief
    Okay, guys, nobody move!
[03:28] Thief
    If you don't wanna to die,
    step away from the wagon and—
[03:35] Alvin
    It's okay!
[03:36] Alvin
    You made it! You're good!
[03:40] Carla
    Do it again! Do it again!
[03:43] Carla
    Do it again!
[03:44] Alvin
    Stop it!
[03:45] Alvin
    Look, we got the point.
[03:47] Alvin
    You want us to give you the wagon, right?
[03:50] Alvin
    Is that it?
[03:51] Thief
    You mean, I don't have to do it again?
[03:54] Alvin
    Yeah, you're good!
[03:56] These
    Does that mean you'll give me your wagon?
[03:58] Alvin
    No freaking way.
[03:59] both
    Stingy!
SIGN    Bzzt
SIGN    Bzzt
[04:00] Alvin
    You bet I am!
[04:01] Alvin
    You think life's all about handouts?
[04:03] Alvin
    Anyway, are you supposed to be a thief?
[04:05] Alvin
    You do seem to be on your own...
[04:07] Thief
    I'm not alone.
[04:08] Thief
    I'm the oldest of four sisters!
[04:10] Alvin
    That's not what I meant.
SIGN    Okay, listen up!
[04:15] Alvin
    What is it now?
SIGN    You're not supposed to just burst out and shout!
SIGN    Everyone knows a thief is supposed to lie in wait and mount an ambush!
SIGN    And if you've got sisters, you should bring some of them to help out!
[04:27] Thief
    Actually, they're still too little...
[04:30] Alvin
    A monster, lecturing a human
    on how to ambush travelers...
[04:34] Carla
    I just got a great idea!
[04:36] Alvin
    And then the holy woman
    weighs in with advice.
[04:39] Carla
    When there are multiple
    opponents to be ambushed,
[04:41] Carla
    you should always try to
    take one of them hostage!
[04:43] Thief
    Oh!
[04:44] Carla
    And in honor of the occasion,
    I volunteer for the role!
[04:48] Thief
    Wow, really? That's so nice.
[04:50] Thief
    But do you think that warrior
    is going to play along?
[04:53] Carla
    It's okay.
[04:55] Carla
    If there's one thing he's good
    at, it's reading the mood.
[04:58] Thief
    Okay...
[05:00] Thief
    Is this good? Not too tight?
[05:02] Carla
    It's just fine.
[05:04] Carla
    Now, try threatening me to Alvin-san.
[05:07] Thief
    Hey, hey, hey! Nobody move!
[05:09] Alvin
    Drat! When did you...
[05:14] Thief
    If you value her life...
[05:18] Carla
    Whisper, whisper, whisper.
[05:19] Thief
    Show me your best one-shot gag!
[05:22] Alvin
    That's a hell of a hostage demand!
[05:25] Carla
    Have faith in yourself, Alvin-san!
[05:26] Carla
    Everything you do is funny!
[05:28] Alvin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[05:30] Alvin
    I refuse to do this!
[05:35] Alvin
    Hey... hang on, now!
[05:36] Alvin
    Why are you sitting?
    I said, I'm not doing this!
[05:42] Alvin
    Hey, cut it out!
[05:43] Alvin
    Don't go into spectator mode!
[05:51] Both
    Alvin! Alvin!
[05:55] Both
    Alvin!
[05:55] Alvin
    Stop pushing me!
[05:57] Both
    Alvin! Alvin!
[06:01] Both
    Alvin! Alvin!
[06:04] Both
    Alvin!
[06:06] Carla
    Loser!
[06:07] Alvin
    Darn it! Just close your
    eyes and wait a minute!
[06:11] Alvin
    Don't open those eyes until I say so!
[06:13] Alvin
    And being a loser has
    nothing to do with this!
SIGN    He's doing it.
[06:17] Alvin
    My best one-shot gag...
[06:25] Alvin
    All right. It's ready.
[06:28] Alvin
    Now...
[06:29] Alvin
    Ta-da!
[06:30] Alvin
    I'm a dullahan!
[06:50] Thief
    I should probably head out.
[06:53] Carla
    Understood.
[06:54] Carla
    Just a minute.
[07:00] Carla
    Here, take this.
[07:02] Thief
    Are you sure?
[07:03] Carla
    As an apology for that terrible joke.
[07:05] Thief
    Thanks. Goodbye.
[07:08] Carla
    Take care!
[07:13] Carla
    Very impressive, Alvin-san!
[07:15] Carla
    Was that all part of your
    plan to demoralize her?
[07:20] Alvin
    Yes.
[07:41] Alvin
    Damn it...
[07:46] Alvin
    It's no use. This golem is too powerful!
[07:49] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[07:50] Alvin
    Stand back, Carla!
[07:54] Alvin
    I'll buy us time. You run—
[07:56] Carla
    No way, no way!
[07:57] Carla
    There's no way you are
    buying anyone any time!
[07:59] Carla
    There's no freaking way!
[08:01] Alvin
    You sound a little too sure about that!
[08:02] Carla
    You couldn't, even resurrected!
[08:04] Alvin
    Knock it off!
[08:05] Alvin
    Will you just let me
    serve as the vanguard—
[08:10] Alvin
    Back off, buddy! We're kind of busy here!
SIGN    Take it easy, man.
[08:18] Carla
    How many seconds do you expect to
    buy against a golem, Alvin-san?
[08:22] Carla
    Not many, I'm sure.
[08:24] Carla
    You're perpetually disadvantaged.
[08:26] Alvin
    That's a painfully convincing argument.
[08:29] Carla
    However!
[08:32] Carla
    You do have one unique advantage!
[08:35] Alvin
    What, my integrity?
[08:38] Carla
    Very funny.
[08:41] Carla
    It's me! Yay!
[08:43] Alvin
    I wish I didn't.
[08:45] Carla
    With a healer like me
    serving as your backup,
[08:48] Carla
    this golem will fall easily!
[08:50] Alvin
    Easily? Backup?
[08:53] Alvin
    You're not going to use that deadly
    enhancement spell, are you?
[09:00] Carla
    It'll be better this time.
[09:01] Carla
    I've matured a great deal since.
SIGN    Yes!
[09:05] Alvin
    You sure about that?
[09:07] Carla
    I won't stay the same forever,
    unlike someone I know.
[09:11] Alvin
    Don't point at me!
[09:13] Carla
    Now, now.
[09:14] Carla
    Golem-san is waiting.
[09:16] Carla
    I promise, I'll back you up!
[09:18] Alvin
    Are you sure about this?
[09:20] Carla
    I'll give you a nice funeral.
[09:21] Alvin
    That's not promising!
[09:24] Alvin
    If you insist.
[09:26] Carla
    Good luck!
[09:28] Alvin
    Hey, golem!
[09:31] Alvin
    I'm a man!
    I can't spend my whole life cowering!
[09:34] Carla
    Go! Fight! Alvin-san!
SIGN    Fight
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
SIGN    Go! Go!
[09:35] Alvin
    Let's finis—
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
[09:37] Carla
    Go, go, Alvin! Fight, fight, Alvin!
[09:40] Carla
    Let's go, Alvin!
[09:42] Carla
    Fight an unwinnable battle
    and learn the pecking order!
[09:46] Alvin
    Oh, shut up!
[09:47] Alvin
    Hey!
[09:48] Carla
    Well? What do you think of my new
    spell, "Cheerful Encouragement"?
[09:52] Alvin
    That sounded like heckling!
[09:54] Carla
    It filled you with determination, didn't it?
[09:56] Alvin
    It filled me with anger!
[09:58] Alvin
    Aren't you supposed to do something like...
[09:59] Alvin
    raise my attack power,
[10:01] Alvin
    raise my defense power,
[10:03] Alvin
    or something that's actually useful?
[10:05] Carla
    I see!
[10:06] Carla
    Then, I'll go into town and buy you
    an expensive sword and shield!
[10:09] Carla
    Just a minute!
[10:10] Alvin
    Not like that, damn it!
[10:11] Alvin
    Damn it! That's all wrong!
[10:13] Carla
    Oh, silly me!
[10:16] Carla
    You have to give me money first.
[10:18] Carla
    Tee-hee.
[10:19] Alvin
    It's not that!
[10:21] Alvin
    As a healer, you're supposed
    to support me with spells!
[10:23] Carla
    Actually...
[10:25] Carla
    I don't think there's an enhancement spell
    powerful enough
[10:28] Carla
    to let you beat a golem, Alvin-san.
[10:30] Alvin
    I don't even know what to say.
SIGN    Is that so?
[10:32] Alvin
    After all that talk about how easy you'd
    make it, suddenly it's impossible?
[10:39] Carla
    We have a trump card.
[10:41] Alvin
    What is it now?
[10:42] Carla
    I do think it would give
    us the victory, but...
[10:48] Alvin
    I don't know what you're so hesitant about,
SIGN    Upsy-daisy!
[10:50] Alvin
    but after all this, I'll do whatever it is!
[10:52] Alvin
    We need to work together
    to defeat that golem!
[10:56] Carla
    Alvin-san...
[10:58] Carla
    Very well.
[11:00] Alvin
    What is it?
[11:02] Carla
    We'll borrow power from
    the spirits of earth!
[11:06] Alvin
    That sounds really cool!
[11:10] Carla
    It's important to pray to them very hard.
[11:13] Carla
    Therefore, Alvin-san,
    I need you to pray with me.
[11:16] Alvin
    All right. I just have to pray, right?
[11:19] Carla
    Now, place your hands on the ground below,
[11:21] Carla
    and rest your head on the rocks.
[11:26] Carla
    I'm sorry for the long wait.
[11:28] Carla
    I...
[11:30] Carla
    There's a favor I need to
    ask you before we fight.
[11:34] Carla
    Is there any way you could be convinced
    to let our warrior here win?
[11:37] Carla
    We're begging you!
[11:39] Alvin
    She tricked me!
[11:50] Alvin
    We're almost to town.
[11:53] Carla
    I feel like something's been
    missing for a while now.
[11:56] Alvin
    He's probably off chasing butterflies again.
[12:02] Alvin
    Huh?
[12:03] Alvin
    It's the golem again!
[12:10] Alvin
    What is it?
[12:11] Alvin
    Is he trying to tell us something?
[12:14] Carla
    Wh-What did you say?!
[12:16] Alvin
    Hey, you can understand him?
[12:19] Alvin
    So? What did he say?
[12:23] Alvin
    You can't understand him?!
[12:25] Carla
    Of course I can't understand him!
    That's why I asked what he said!
[12:29] Alvin
    That's what you say when
    you can understand him!
[12:31] Alvin
    You suck at this!
[12:32] Golem
    Get off each other's backs
    and listen to me, guys!
[12:34] Alvin
    Hang on! So you can talk!
[12:37] Carla
    I'm told that the longest-lived creatures
[12:40] Carla
    have high intelligence and
    a wealth of experience.
[12:43] Alvin
    Not that line again.
[12:45] Golem
    Just follow me!
[12:47] Golem
    There's no time to lose!
[13:03] Alvin
    So, what happened to him?
[13:06] Carla
    He appears to be poisoned.
[13:09] Golem
    I think he was bitten by a venomous snake.
[13:11] Alvin
    Shouldn't a mushroom monster have
    a degree of toxin resistance?
SIGN    Unfortunately, I... I'm an edible species... of mushroom.
[13:23] Alvin
    I... see.
[13:25] Carla
    Are you all right?
[13:26] Carla
    Do you have any last words?
SIGN    Actually... couldn't you cast... an antidote spe—
[13:31] Carla
    Don't speak!
[13:33] Carla
    You'll make the poison spread faster!
[13:35] Carla
    Please, don't say it's the end!
    It's too tragic to conceive!
[13:38] Alvin
    He wasn't, though!
[13:40] Carla
    Sob, sob. I'm sure... sob, sob...
[13:44] Carla
    we'll meet again... sob, sob, sob...
[13:46] Carla
    in the next world... sob, sob, sob...
[13:49] Alvin
    Don't just give up!
[13:50] Golem
    I don't think I've ever heard a person
    say "sob, sob, sob" out loud before.
[13:53] Carla
    This is normally the part where someone
    would say such things and give up.
[13:57] Carla
    Fortunately, you happen to be with me!
[14:02] Alvin
    Are you seeing that expression
    of total despair?
[14:05] Carla
    Allow me to show you...
[14:07] Carla
    the holy power of a curative specialist!
[14:10] Alvin
    Did you say specialist, or blacklist?
[14:12] Carla
    Have you forgotten how I turned
    that old lady young again?
[14:15] Alvin
    I also remember your deadly
    enhancement spell!
[14:18] Carla
    Are you ready?!
SIGN    I'm resigned to my fate.
[14:23] Alvin
    He's prepared to die!
[14:27] Carla
    Come, rest back on this rock.
[14:31] Carla
    Now, we'll take it slow.
[14:35] Alvin
    In a moment like this...
[14:37] Carla
    It's going to be okay. Try to relax.
SIGN    Thanks...
[14:42] Alvin
    She almost looks a little
    bit like a healer...
[14:44] Carla
    I'll put you out of your misery very soon.
[14:48] Alvin
    Never mind. Her word choice
    is still pure malevolence!
[14:51] Carla
    Now, with this sacred left hand...
[15:10] Alvin
    What are you doing?!
[15:12] Alvin
    You...
[15:13] Alvin
    Why did you stick your hand into his mouth!
[15:14] Alvin
    Cut it out!
[15:16] Carla
    Why? This is the antidote spell.
[15:18] Alvin
    It's torture!
[15:19] Carla
    It's okay. I'm just trying to
    get him to expel the toxin.
[15:22] Alvin
    I hope he doesn't expel any organs!
[15:25] Carla
    There!
[15:28] Carla
    I did it! I got him to expel the poison!
[15:32] Carla
    Well? How are you feeling?
SIGN    I'm feeling... much better...
SIGN    That's a healer! I thought I was dead for a minute there!
[15:42] Carla
    Oh... no need to flatter me.
[15:45] Carla
    Calling me a "goddess of healing"
    is surely too far.
[15:48] Carla
    You're making me blush!
[15:50] Carla
    Well? Did you see that, Alvin-san?
[15:53] Carla
    I looked magnificently like a healer back—
[15:59] Carla
    Medic!
[16:04] Golem
    It's starting to come down.
[16:06] Golem
    There's a cabin nearby. Let's get him there.
[16:09] Carla
    Right.
SIGN    Thanks for all the help, Golem.
SIGN    We couldn't have gotten Alvin here without you.
SIGN    If we'd left it all up to Big Sis Carla,
SIGN    it would've taken us forever.
SIGN    I can't thank you enough!
[16:32] Golem
    Hey, no problem.
[16:34] Golem
    I'm sure you'd do the same for me.
[16:36] Golem
    But I can't go in the cabin,
    so I should really be going.
SIGN    Right.
SIGN    I'll come by to thank you pretty soon.
[16:42] Golem
    Sure. See you.
SIGN    See ya!
SIGN    Okay, I'd better get the antidote herbs.
[16:50] Carla
    Stare.
SIGN    B-Big Sis?!
[16:54] Carla
    How friendly you two are.
SIGN    I g-guess so...
[16:57] Carla
    Go fetch the wagon, won't you?
SIGN    S-Sure...
[17:01] Carla
    And give me my bag.
SIGN    Bag?
[17:08] Alvin
    What the...
[17:08] Alvin
    What happened to me?
[17:10] Alvin
    Right, the mushroom spat
    out the poison and—
[17:19] Alvin
    Where am I?
[17:23] Alvin
    It looks abandoned... but, a cabin?
[17:26] Carla
    You're awake, are you?
[17:29] Alvin
    Is that you, Carla?
[17:31] Carla
    It appears my prayers to God were answered!
[17:34] Alvin
    Evil cultist!
[17:36] Carla
    Sorry, it was actually an angel.
[17:39] Carla
    Isn't that nice?
[17:40] Alvin
    I'm sticking with "evil cultist"!
[17:42] Alvin
    And what's with that new outfit?
[17:45] Carla
    Does it suit me?
[17:47] Alvin
    It does. As an evil cultist.
[17:49] Carla
    These are my ritual robes, worn to
    ask God to make you feel better!
[17:55] Carla
    Yay!
[17:57] Alvin
    You look more like you're
    prepared to sacrifice me!
[18:00] Alvin
    What's with the mask?!
[18:02] Carla
    What a rude thing to say!
[18:03] Alvin
    But seriously...
[18:04] Carla
    God would be offended by
    a sacrifice like that.
[18:09] Carla
    I'd need something nicer,
    like a chicken, or a goat!
[18:10] Alvin
    Now I'm offended, I think.
[18:13] Carla
    I sit, sensitively.
[18:15] Alvin
    What in the world?
[18:15] Carla
    But how are you feeling?
[18:18] Alvin
    A lot better.
[18:19] Alvin
    You didn't stick your hand
    in my mouth, did you?
[18:23] Carla
    Actually, I was running low on power,
    so I couldn't use that spell.
[18:26] Carla
    I'm very sowwy.
[18:27] Alvin
    I'm glad.
[18:29] Alvin
    So, how did you remove the poison?
[18:32] Carla
    With my prayers, as I said!
[18:36] Alvin
    I guess it must not have
    been very potent poison.
[18:41] Carla
    Your face does still look a little bad.
[18:43] Alvin
    I think you mean my complexion.
[18:45] Carla
    Is that how it goes?
[18:46] Alvin
    Yes! It is!
[18:49] Carla
    Hold out your forehead!
[18:51] Alvin
    Stop that! I'm fine!
[18:54] Alvin
    I've never had my temperature
    checked with an iron claw before.
[18:58] Carla
    You do still appear to
    have a bit of body heat.
[19:01] Alvin
    I'd be dead if I didn't!
[19:03] Carla
    You should probably lie down.
[19:05] Carla
    Let's cool you off.
[19:13] Carla
    There!
[19:14] Alvin
    Wring it first!
[19:15] Carla
    S-Sorry!
[19:19] Alvin
    Not on my head!
[19:21] Carla
    Look at you, dripping with charm!
[19:23] Alvin
    Now's no time for flattery!
[19:26] Alvin
    Forgot it! Just leave me alone!
[19:28] Carla
    Wait a minute!
[19:29] Carla
    Oh, I know.
[19:30] Carla
    Are you hungry, Alvin-san?
[19:34] Alvin
    Actually, I haven't eaten
    anything for a while.
[19:36] Alvin
    I guess I am a little hungry.
[19:38] Carla
    I thought you'd say that.
[19:40] Carla
    So I got a little something ready!
[19:42] Sign
    Eat delicious!
    Medicinal Herbs Cooking
[19:42] Carla
    This book contains a number of
    recipes based on medicinal herbs.
[19:47] Alvin
    Well.
[19:49] Alvin
    Let me see!
[19:51] Carla
    They're recipes that not only use
    the properties of medicinal herbs,
[19:55] Carla
    but are also very tasty!
[19:58] Alvin
    So? What did you make?
[20:03] Carla
    "Make"?
[20:05] Carla
    I didn't even consider that.
[20:08] Alvin
    You need more imagination.
[20:12] Carla
    I'm sorry.
[20:13] Carla
    I'm scatterbrained, clumsy,
    and inconsiderate.
[20:18] Carla
    I'm sorry.
[20:19] Alvin
    H-Hey...
[20:20] Alvin
    You don't have to be that depressed about it...
[20:22] Carla
    I'm sorry that I'm so cute about it!
[20:27] Alvin
    Don't get optimistically depressed!
[20:30] Alvin
    Sheesh.
[20:31] Alvin
    Fine, don't do anything.
[20:33] Alvin
    Just give me some peace and quiet.
SIGN    S
    a
    d
    .
    .
    .
[20:36] Carla
    Okay.
[20:37] Alvin
    And...
[20:42] Alvin
    Well... you know.
[20:45] Alvin
    You've tried to do a lot for me.
[20:48] Alvin
    And I appreciate... the sentiment, at least.
[20:52] Alvin
    Just the sentiment, okay?
[21:00] Carla
    I-It doesn't seem appropriate to
    say that while you're resting.
[21:05] Alvin
    Yeah, yeah.
[21:07] Alvin
    Good night.
[21:09] Carla
    Good night.
SIGN    Big Sis Carla! I brought the antidote herbs.
SIGN    We can use these to get Alvin feeling—
SIGN    Oh, shucks.
SIGN    Looks like he's doing just fine.
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Alvin
    Next episode's title is...
[23:27] Alvin
    Can't we just stop abusing
    ourselves on this?
[23:30] Carla
    Yeah, it's not possible to
    do it in fifteen seconds.
[23:32] Carla
    It seems pretty stupid.
SIGN    Agreed.
[23:34] Alvin
    Oh, it's from the higher-ups.
SIGN    See you then!
SIGN    "This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female
    character although in episode 5 we did get the witch and then the
    thief character but the witch only gets a few seconds at the
    end in her young form and the thief girl doesn't get any more
    screen time after this so I suspect the folks at home are wondering
    if we're ever going to see any new female characters and so partly
    for you people this episode features a female character called
    Maria Deathflame but to set up for that we have to do a zombie
    story so I hope you'll enjoy that first and of course Maria has her
    own idiosyncrasies so you'll just have to wait to see if it meets
    your expectations and that's the deal with episode 7."
[23:37] Alvin
    "We're never letting you
    people do the preview—"