E8 - Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)...

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)...
[01:54] Alvin
    Hurry! We don't wanna
    be turned into zombies!
[02:03] Alvin
    Let's take a break.
[02:05] Alvin
    Boy, what a mess.
[02:08] Alvin
    But, seriously...
[02:10] Alvin
    Thanks a lot for saving me.
[02:12] Kinoko
    Hey, no problem!
[02:14] Kinoko
    Oh, and I got this back for you.
[02:17] Alvin
    Hey, thanks!
[02:20] Kinoko
    But...
[02:21] Kinoko
    I can't believe you're so weak
    you can't even bend iron bars.
[02:27] Alvin
    I think most humans can't, actually!
[02:31] Alvin
    I think you're the one who's
    way stronger than you look—
[02:35] Kinoko
    Hey! Big Sis Carla!
[02:40] Carla
    F-Fugitive!
[02:42] Alvin
    Don't make it sound sordid!
[02:44] Carla
    Just kidding. It's a joke.
[02:46] Carla
    That must have been some
    hard time you served.
[02:48] Alvin
    Can you please not make it
    sound like I'm an ex-con?
[02:51] Maria
    Alvin-san!
[02:52] Maria
    Carla-chan convinced the zombies
    not to turn you into one of them!
[02:57] Alvin
    You did?
[02:59] Carla
    P-Please, don't get the wrong idea...
[03:01] Carla
    I merely explained that it would
    do them more harm than good.
[03:07] Carla
    There's no need to thank me.
[03:08] Alvin
    That must have been a very rousing speech.
[03:12] Alvin
    By the way, I've been wondering...
[03:14] Alvin
    What is that?
[03:18] Carla
    Oh, that?
[03:19] Carla
    It's a magic circle designed to bring
    back the soul of Maria-san's sister.
[03:23] Alvin
    Her sister's soul?
[03:25] Alvin
    Are you saying she's... your
    sister is... you know...
[03:30] Maria
    It's all right to ask.
[03:32] Maria
    My sister was very foolish.
[03:46] Maria
    She was a girl who loved
    to invent new games.
[03:49] Maria
    I never thought...
[03:51] Maria
    I never thought she'd try an astral projection
    game and end up a wandering spirit!
[03:55] Alvin
    That is an unusual story.
[03:57] Kinoko
    So you've been wandering graveyards
    looking for your sister's soul?
[04:02] Kinoko
    Cemeteries do tend to
    attract them, after all.
[04:05] Kinoko
    If her soul were in the land of the
    dead, I could call it back, but...
[04:08] Kinoko
    For better or for worse,
    it appears to still be wandering.
[04:14] Carla
    And that's when the all-purpose healer
    who can also use summoning magic
[04:17] Carla
    enters the picture!
[04:19] Alvin
    Too bad you're worthless as a healer!
[04:21] Alvin
    So, are you saying you can do it?
[04:23] Carla
    A foolish question! As expected!
[04:24] Carla
    For me, it's a greasy steak!
[04:27] Alvin
    You mean piece of cake?
[04:28] Carla
    Easy as delta!
[04:30] Alvin
    You mean easy as pie?
[04:31] Carla
    But I can't do it all on my own.
[04:34] Carla
    So please, Maria-san, take my hand.
[04:37] Maria
    Your hand?
[04:38] Carla
    Yes.
[04:40] Carla
    Now think hard about your sister.
[04:44] Carla
    I will infuse those thoughts
    with magic power,
[04:46] Carla
    and channel them into the circle.
[04:48] Carla
    If all goes well, your sister
    will be drawn to your thoughts,
[04:51] Carla
    and I'll be able to summon her.
[04:54] Carla
    And then, Alvin-san...
[04:55] Alvin
    Oh? Is there some way I can help?!
[04:57] Carla
    Please stand there and watch attentively!
[05:00] Alvin
    Did I need to hear that?
[05:03] Carla
    Let us begin, Maria-san!
[05:06] Ria
    Yes!
[05:17] Alvin
    It's very quiet.
[05:20] Alvin
    It's getting cloudy?
[05:24] Kinoko
    Alvin...
[05:25] Kinoko
    Look!
[05:26] Alvin
    What?
[05:43] Alvin
    Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it!
[05:44] Alvin
    Carla, stop! Open your eyes!
[05:46] Alvin
    Stop!
[05:48] Carla
    What is it? I'm trying to focus!
[05:50] Alvin
    This is really not the time!
[05:52] Alvin
    That thing looks freaky!
[05:54] Alvin
    You called up a freaky thing!
[05:55] Carla
    What are you so upset about?
[06:12] Carla
    What is that?
[06:13] Alvin
    That's what I was asking!
[06:18] Carla
    Maria-san!
[06:19] Alvin
    Get hold of your senses!
[06:20] Alvin
    I'm afraid it was a failure!
[06:22] Alvin
    No time for the spell!
    We need to get out of here!
[06:24] Maria
    Ellie!
[06:27] Maria
    I finally found you!
[06:30] Ellie
    Sister?
[06:34] Alvin
    That's your sister?!
[06:43] Carla
    Mwa ha ha!
[06:46] Carla
    I have possessed the body of
    this beautiful young girl!
[06:49] Maria
    B-But not for long!
[06:52] Maria
    Holy Beam!
[06:53] Carla
    Ugh!
[06:57] Carla
    Erk... Oh, the pain!
[07:01] Alvin
    Uh. What in the world are you doing?
[07:03] Maria
    Um, now...
[07:06] Maria
    Release Carla-chan's body
    now, filthy specter!
[07:11] Alvin
    Seriously, what are you doing?
[07:13] Alvin
    Are you listening?
[07:18] Alvin
    Seriously, what the hell are you doing?!
[07:20] Maria
    I'm sorry.
[07:21] Maria
    Ellie really wanted to play this game
    while she was still a disembodied soul.
[07:26] Alvin
    This is one heck of an avant-garde game!
[07:30] Maria
    I played the righteous healer.
[07:33] Maria
    Carla-chan played the necromancer
    possessed by the evil spirit.
[07:37] Maria
    And Ellie was playing
    the evil spirit itself!
[07:39] Alvin
    That casting seems pretty spot-on.
[07:41] Ellie
    Are you saying I look like an evil spirit?!
[07:44] Alvin
    O-Of course not!
    It's just a figure of speech!
[07:47] Alvin
    Please don't kill me!
[07:49] Carla
    And it's odd to call me
    a necromancer, isn't it?
[07:53] Carla
    Isn't it?
[07:53] Alvin
    I think it's perfect casting, personally!
SIGN    Perfect
SIGN    Perfect
[07:56] Maria
    Now, Ellie.
[07:57] Maria
    If you're satisfied,
    won't you return to your body?
[07:59] Ellie
    Yes!
[08:00] Alvin
    Speaking of which, where is
    your little sister's body?
[08:03] Maria
    Oh, I left it back there.
[08:06] Maria
    I'll bring it now.
[08:08] Alvin
    She's been carrying her little
    sister's body all around with her?
[08:11] Ellie
    A body without a soul will rot if you don't cast
    anti-putrefaction spells on it from time to time!
[08:16] Alvin
    I see!
[08:18] Maria
    Here we are!
[08:21] Alvin
    She's carrying her!
[08:22] Alvin
    And it's a really bad look!
[08:26] Alvin
    You've been carrying her
    around just like that?
[08:29] Maria
    Ellie's a little girl. She's easy to carry.
[08:31] Alvin
    That's not what I meant!
[08:33] Ellie
    It's been so long!
[08:35] Carla
    Wow. So this is Ellie-san's body?
[08:42] Alvin
    Who's that?
[08:43] Carla
    It's Ellie-san, of course!
[08:45] Ellie
    Yeah, me!
[08:46] Alvin
    They don't look anything alike!
[08:49] Maria
    The soul's appearance reflects
    a person's mental state,
[08:52] Maria
    so there may be a slight difference.
[08:55] Alvin
    That doesn't fit any definition
    of "slight" that I know of.
[08:58] Ellie
    Okay, I'm heading back in!
[09:17] Alvin
    Hey! Is she in pain?!
[09:20] Maria
    Ellie!
[09:21] Carla
    Goodness! It's because she dived
    back in without stretching first!
[09:25] Alvin
    I don't think that's it!
[09:27] Carla
    Get back, both of you!
[09:28] Carla
    Leave this to me!
[09:32] Carla
    I'll cast a sedation spell!
[09:35] Alvin
    Brute force!
[09:36] Carla
    There. She seems to have calmed down.
[09:39] Alvin
    Because you put her down! With brute force!
[09:43] Maria
    Ellie, wake up!
[09:49] Maria
    Ellie!
[09:51] Ellie
    What? Am I back in my body?
[09:55] Maria
    Yes. You're all back to normal!
[09:57] Carla
    Good grief. Well, you seem
    to be completely recovered.
[10:01] Ellie
    Big Sis Carla, you saved me!
[10:03] Ellie
    Though it did hurt for
    a minute back there...
[10:09] Ellie
    But I'm back in my body!
[10:12] Alvin
    I guess it averaged out?
[10:19] Maria
    I suppose we'll be on our way.
[10:22] Maria
    Thank you for everything.
[10:24] Ellie
    Thank you, Big Sis Carla!
[10:28] Carla
    Under normal circumstances, I couldn't
    allow a necromancer to remain at large...
[10:31] Carla
    but I suppose I'll let you go, this time.
[10:34] Maria
    Thank you very much.
[10:37] Carla
    But next time, I play the healer, okay?
[10:41] Maria
    Right!
[10:56] Maria
    Now, let's return to our village.
[10:59] Ellie
    Right!
[11:00] Maria
    Oh, right...
[11:01] Maria
    I should really say goodbye
    to the zombies first.
[11:04] Ellie
    Goodbye!
[11:07] Ellie
    Come by our village any time!
[11:09] Ellie
    I'd love to play again sometime!
[11:21] Alvin
    Looks like they're gone.
[11:27] Alvin
    It's not really worth crying over, is it?
[11:29] Carla
    But...
[11:30] Alvin
    Come on. Making friends is
    a good thing, isn't it?
[11:34] Alvin
    So don't cry! Cheer up!
[11:37] Carla
    Yes. That's right.
[11:40] Carla
    I did make friends, didn't I?
[11:45] Carla
    Friends that you don't have.
[11:47] Alvin
    Fine, cry!
[11:59] Alvin
    Maria-san was such a nice person.
[12:02] Alvin
    So elegant, and with such a kind smile...
[12:05] Alvin
    Is that what they call a
    rejuvenating personality?
[12:08] Alvin
    That's right.
[12:11] Alvin
    Well, Carla?
[12:15] Alvin
    Is that what they call a
    rejuvenating personality?
[12:18] Carla
    Why did you say it twice?!
[12:20] Alvin
    I could say it more times than that!
[12:21] Alvin
    Is that what they call a
    rejuvenating personality?!
[12:22] Carla
    Enough! I get the point!
[12:25] Carla
    I completely understand
    what you're trying to say!
[12:28] Carla
    Good grief.
[12:29] Carla
    Are you saying you've had enough
    of her amateur rejuvenation,
[12:33] Carla
    and you're ready to turn to a professional?!
[12:37] Alvin
    I've never seen anyone
    so lacking in telepathy.
[12:40] Carla
    But very well.
[12:42] Carla
    You do seem to have built
    up a lot of stress.
[12:47] Carla
    I'll use a variety of mental care
    techniques to reset that for you.
[12:51] Carla
    Cool, huh?
[12:52] Alvin
    I doubt it.
[12:53] Alvin
    I'm still in the process
    of building up stress.
[12:56] Carla
    What kind of things do
    you find rejuvenating?
[12:59] Alvin
    You could shut up, for a start!
[13:07] Carla
    You mean...
[13:09] Carla
    All you need is me, silently, by your side?!
[13:15] Alvin
    How'd you manage to spin that one?
[13:17] Carla
    Th-This is all really quite sudden...
[13:20] Carla
    Honestly, I can't believe you
    resorted to such a cliché!
[13:23] Alvin
    I didn't say it!
[13:25] Carla
    Oh, goodness gracious...
[13:27] Carla
    Such a proposal is...
[13:30] Carla
    Disgusting. I might vomit.
[13:33] Alvin
    I might get mad.
[13:35] Carla
    I feel better now.
[13:36] Carla
    I managed to hold it in.
[13:38] Carla
    Safe!
[13:40] Alvin
    I see. I managed to hold it in, too.
[13:43] Carla
    But if you consider my mere
    presence rejuvenating,
[13:45] Carla
    then how did you end up with so much stress?
[13:48] Carla
    It's an unsolvable mystery.
[13:50] Alvin
    Solve it!
[13:52] Kinoko
    Maybe he's built up a
    tolerance through exposure.
[13:55] Alvin
    Yeah, like acquiring
    resistance to a toxin...
[13:59] Alvin
    Wait, are you still here?
[14:01] Carla
    In other words, we've lost our spark!
[14:05] Carla
    In that case...
[14:08] Carla
    Hey, hey! Big Brother Alvin!
[14:11] Carla
    Kyapi!
[14:12] Carla
    Cawwa is hunggy!
[14:15] Carla
    Kyapi!
[14:16] Carla
    Pwease buy samwiches and miwk wight away!
[14:19] Carla
    Kyapi!
[14:20] Alvin
    I'm gonna punch that speech
    tic right out of you!
[14:22] Carla
    What, that wasn't rejuvenating?
[14:24] Carla
    I was was going for the
    "needy little sister" archetype.
[14:26] Alvin
    That's an insult to little
    sisters everywhere!
[14:29] Alvin
    And your performance of
    it was absolute trash.
[14:32] Carla
    And of course, you're not the right
    age to be an older brother...
[14:38] Alvin
    Yes, but that's not the point!
[14:40] Carla
    Good grief.
[14:41] Carla
    I'll just have to bust
    out my ace in the hole.
[14:45] Alvin
    Am I still trapped in this circle of hell?
[14:47] Carla
    Fetch that!
[14:49] Kinoko
    Got it!
[14:50] Carla
    Wait over there while I
    get ready, Alvin-san.
[14:55] Alvin
    Yeah, yeah.
[14:56] Alvin
    I'll keep playing along.
[15:03] Carla
    I'm ready!
[15:07] Carla
    Meow!
[15:09] Carla
    What do you think? Meow!
[15:11] Carla
    Cats represent true rejuvenation of spirit!
[15:13] Carla
    Cat girls even more so!
[15:14] Carla
    Meow!
[15:16] Carla
    And as healers like me are
    synonymous with rejuvenation,
[15:20] Carla
    combined, our effect is a hundred fold!
[15:22] Carla
    Meow!
SIGN    Meooow
[15:22] Carla
    Meooow!
[15:26] Carla
    Triumph!
[15:29] Carla
    And the "Meow" speech tic increases
    the healing further, meow!
[15:33] Alvin
    Where the world did you get that thing?
[15:36] Alvin
    In fact...
[15:37] Alvin
    Don't you feel embarrassed
    to be dressed up like that?
[15:40] Alvin
    But, well, if that's how
    you're comfortable...
[15:49] Carla
    What in the world are you making me wear?!
[15:51] Carla
    Damn you!
[15:53] Alvin
    You put it on yourself!
[16:04] Alvin
    What is it?
[16:06] Carla
    Regarding you, Alvin-san...
[16:09] Alvin
    Me?
[16:10] Alvin
    Are you about to insult me?
[16:11] Carla
    No...
[16:13] Carla
    Earlier, I proved that I was a
    rejuvenating archetype, but...
[16:18] Alvin
    Actually, you're the only
    one who thinks that.
[16:20] Carla
    But although you're mostly useless, I've been
    trying to think on your positive qualities...
[16:26] Carla
    And I've been struggling
    to think of anything.
[16:28] Alvin
    Yep, there's the insult.
[16:30] Alvin
    So? Have you figured out
    my positive qualities?
[16:34] Carla
    First!
[16:35] Carla
    Tell me my positive qualities!
[16:39] Alvin
    Why, though?
[16:40] Carla
    And if you say "none,"
    then, as punishment...
[16:43] Carla
    I will list out your negative qualities!
[16:46] Carla
    Twenty-four hours a day.
[16:48] Alvin
    Twenty-four hours a day?!
[16:49] Alvin
    But, seriously...
[16:51] Alvin
    The only thing you have going
    for you is your looks—
[16:55] Carla
    What did you just say?!
[16:56] Alvin
    W-Well... it's true.
[16:58] Carla
    Say it louder! Go on!
[17:01] Alvin
    You're more desperate than I thought.
[17:03] Alvin
    Okay, it's your turn.
[17:05] Alvin
    Go on, say it!
[17:07] Alvin
    My positive qualities!
[17:13] Alvin
    What?
[17:14] Alvin
    And you'd better not say "None"!
[17:16] Alvin
    Well?
[17:17] Alvin
    Go on!
[17:19] Alvin
    Are you ignoring me?
[17:21] Carla
    You're so desperate it's pathetic.
[17:24] Carla
    I can't stand to watch.
[17:26] Alvin
    Just say something!
[17:27] Carla
    Well, then...
[17:28] Carla
    I would say my answer is the same.
[17:31] Alvin
    What? You think my looks are—
[17:35] Carla
    Yes, that's something I
    really like about you.
[17:39] Carla
    It's very considerate,
    the way you hide them from view!
[17:41] Alvin
    That's an freakin' insult!
[17:45] Kinoko
    I never get bored around you two!
SIGN    Depressed
[18:04] Carla
    What's the matter, Alvin-san?
[18:07] Alvin
    I lost my sword.
[18:10] Carla
    Oh, gosh...
[18:12] Alvin
    Don't sit on me!
[18:15] Carla
    You weren't inviting me to have a seat?
[18:18] Alvin
    Of course not! I'm depressed!
[18:21] Carla
    What a waste of a sit.
[18:25] Carla
    And up I go.
[18:26] Alvin
    You little...
[18:28] Carla
    Do you remember where you last had it?
[18:33] Alvin
    I know I had it when we said goodbye
    to Maria-san and her sister...
[18:38] Carla
    But you do barely use that sword...
[18:42] Carla
    Maybe just let it go?
[18:43] Alvin
    H-Hey!
[18:44] Alvin
    I do use it, sometimes!
[18:46] Alvin
    A sword is like a warrior's soul!
[18:49] Carla
    Really?
[18:50] Carla
    It's kind of impressive that you
    lost something so important...
[18:53] Carla
    Is it your special skill?
[18:55] Alvin
    Damn it! I set her up for that one!
SIGN    Severely Depressed
[19:01] Alvin
    Maybe I'll just buy a new one...
[19:04] Carla
    Don't do that!
[19:05] Carla
    It's a waste!
[19:07] Alvin
    A waste of money?
[19:09] Alvin
    Or are you saying a sword is wasted on me?
[19:13] Carla
    Both.
[19:14] Alvin
    Yeah, figured!
[19:16] Carla
    I know!
[19:17] Carla
    I have a great idea!
[19:23] Carla
    Ta-da!
[19:25] Alvin
    A crystal ball?
[19:26] Carla
    Yes.
[19:28] Carla
    It will show us where you lost the sword.
[19:32] Alvin
    What, you can do divination now?
[19:35] Carla
    Such a foolish question. Typical Alvin-san.
SIGN    Foolish Question
SIGN    Foolish Question
[19:40] Carla
    I've seen people do it!
[19:41] sign
    Foolish Answer
[19:41] sign
    Foolish Answer
[19:41] Alvin
    Don't respond with a foolish answer!
[19:46] Carla
    Just watch.
[19:48] Carla
    O, crystal ball!
[19:50] Carla
    Reveal to me the location
    of Alvin-san's lost sword!
[20:06] Carla
    Hur! Ry! Up!
[20:09] Alvin
    Don't rush it!
[20:11] Carla
    But Alvin-san!
[20:13] Carla
    This stupid jerk won't do what I tell it!
[20:15] Alvin
    Don't call it a jerk!
[20:18] Alvin
    And just because you've seen people do
    it doesn't mean you can do it yourself!
[20:21] Alvin
    Seriously, give it up.
[20:27] Carla
    I know!
[20:29] Carla
    I think I'm using it wrong!
[20:36] Carla
    This is it!
[20:41] Alvin
    What are you doing?!
[20:42] Carla
    Go!
[20:43] Alvin
    I'm not gonna fetch it!
    What am I, a dog?!
[20:46] Kinoko
    Woof!
[20:47] Carla
    Hey, I never said you were
    all bark and no bite!
[20:52] Alvin
    Neither did I!
[20:53] Alvin
    Don't throw the thing away just
    because you couldn't use it!
[20:57] Carla
    Th-That's not what I did!
    What a silly accusation.
[21:00] Carla
    Do you know where the
    crystal ball came down?
[21:03] Alvin
    How should I know?
[21:06] Alvin
    Over there somewhere...
[21:08] Carla
    Good grief. You're just hopeless.
[21:11] Carla
    A hint!
[21:12] Carla
    Where is the thing you lost?
[21:16] Alvin
    Are you saying the crystal ball came
    down in the place I lost my sword?!
[21:19] Carla
    Precisely!
[21:21] Alvin
    What a load of crap!
[21:24] Alvin
    I'm just gonna buy a new one...
[21:37] Carla
    Are you sure that's what you want to do?
[21:40] Alvin
    Yes.
[21:42] Carla
    Then, help me find my crystal ball!
[21:45] Carla
    That thing was really expensive!
[21:47] Alvin
    Then, why did you throw it?!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Ellie
    Big Sis! Wasn't that fun?
[23:27] Maria
    I'm so glad you got to
    play your game, Ellie.
[23:29] Ellie
    Yeah! And now I get to do the preview, too?
[23:32] Maria
    That's right.
[23:33] Maria
    But the episode title's very
    long, so be very careful!
[23:36] Ellie
    Yes, I'll do my be—
SIGN    "This episode features even more female guest characters hot on
    the heels of Maria and Ellie and by the way even though
    we jumble the order now and then we mostly follow the
    source material but because the Medusa and Dryad episode
    would let us get a few more rare female characters on-screen
    we originally had the idea to put them in episode 2 or 3 to get
    people more invested except putting them in episode 2 or 3
    really would be a little too extravagant and kind of mess up the
    flow so we decided against it and that's a fun little behind
    the scenes anecdote but anyway now it's finally time
    to reveal them and that's the deal with episode 9."
SIGN    See you then!
[23:38] Ellie
    Wait, is this actually the title?!