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25 - His Butler, Performer

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:12] ---
    "On the night of the third
    anniversary of Funtom's founding,
[00:15] ---
    they'll be presenting a free
    play for orphaned children.
[00:18] ---
    The show will be Hamlet."
[00:22] ---
    I see we're getting a fair bit of press.
[00:25] ---
    I didn't anticipate you
    doing charity work like this.
[00:27] ---
    I admire your philanthropic spirit,
    young master.
[00:31] ---
    Philanthropic?
[00:33] ---
    These days love breeds money.
[00:37] ---
    People will say
    "Funtom gives orphaned children love."
[00:41] ---
    We can use that to our advantage--
[00:45] ---
    Love for the poor orphans!
    Oh, it brings tears to my eyes!
[00:50] ---
    Our young master must know
[00:53] ---
    how they feel because he lost his own father!
[00:58] ---
    Are you lot even listening to me?!
[01:03] ---
    Just what I'd expect from our
    young master--
[01:05] ---
    or rather, from a child.
[01:10] ---
    Hamlet, hmm?
[01:15] ---
    After Prince Hamlet's father,
    the king, is murdered,
[01:20] ---
    Hamlet vows to avenge him
    even at the cost of his own life.
[01:23] ---
    The play might as well have
    been written for you, young master.
[01:28] ---
    It just happened to be in the
    repertoire of the troupe I hired.
[01:31] ---
    I don't care about the plo--
[01:33] ---
    Y-Young master!
[01:35] ---
    What? An accident?
[01:37] ---
    Yes, my lord. The ship carrying
    the actors ran into some trouble,
[01:41] ---
    and they won't arrive in
    London until next week, no!
[01:47] ---
    The show is in three days!
[01:49] ---
    Do you know how much advertising I've done?!
[01:52] ---
    The press will be all over us that day.
[01:55] ---
    We can't possibly reschedule.
[01:59] ---
    What shall we do, my lord?
[02:03] ---
    We have no choice.
[02:05] ---
    Sebastian, this is an order:
[02:07] ---
    Make the show a success-- make it
    worthy of the Phantomhive name.
[02:13] ---
    Yes, my lord.
[02:24] ---
    "Black Butler"
[02:28] ---
    Since then, I've actually
    come to like the night somewhat

[02:35] ---
    In a sea of dependence,
    I forget even to breathe

[02:40] ---
    When I'm right on the verge
    of losing my head over you

[02:44] ---
    You just leave me lukewarm
[02:48] ---
    The aesthetic of leave-taking
    despises a self-satisfied kiss

[02:55] ---
    Don't leave me alone, show me
    compassion, paint me with death

[03:01] ---
    In your room, all words slip away
[03:08] ---
    I want to end like this, cloaked
[03:14] ---
    But the night ignores
    that wish and brings morning

[03:21] ---
    With your gentle,
    passionate, and dastardly kiss

[03:27] ---
    Paint this final night
[03:31] ---
    The moon illuminates us
[03:45] ---
    "His Butler, Performer"
[03:51] ---
    Well, Ran-Mao, what part do you want to play?
[03:54] ---
    Seaweed.
[03:56] ---
    If I'm going to be in a play,
    naturally I'll be Ramakrishna!
[04:00] ---
    Oh, Prince Soma, I just
    know you'll be sublime!
[04:03] ---
    I want to be a princess!
[04:07] ---
    And wear a poofy skirt with three petticoats!
[04:12] ---
    If we're going all-out,
    perhaps I should put on four or five.
[04:16] ---
    What? You, a princess?
[04:19] ---
    That wouldn't be cute at all!
[04:21] ---
    Seaweed, an Indian, and two princesses?
[04:25] ---
    I told you, this is Hamlet!
[04:28] ---
    Sebastian! Why all these amateurs?
[04:31] ---
    Are you putting on a school play?!
[04:33] ---
    In its proper form, a charity play
[04:37] ---
    is something staged at home
    by the master of the house.
[04:40] ---
    It's not something you pay
    a theatrical troupe to do.
[04:44] ---
    Moreover, I believe this particular group...
[04:49] ---
    ...will tolerate a bit of harsh direction.
[04:57] ---
    Naturally, you'll be
    performing as well, young master.
[05:01] ---
    I'm sure you understand
[05:03] ---
    what the best response is to this crisis.
[05:08] ---
    After all, you're an adult, aren't you?
[05:12] ---
    "Vocal Exercises"
[05:19] ---
    It's time to begin.
[05:21] ---
    We'll start with vocal exercises.
[05:39] ---
    No hanky-panky.
[05:41] ---
    Go!
[05:46] ---
    Yes! Yes! Yes!
[05:50] ---
    No curry.
[05:51] ---
    It's very good.
[05:52] ---
    There's plenty to go around, if you'd like--
[05:55] ---
    No, thank you.
[05:58] ---
    Next, performance training.
[06:00] ---
    "Performance Training"
[06:04] ---
    "To be, or not to be: that is the question."
[06:10] ---
    Young master, put more heart into it.
[06:13] ---
    --"T-To be, or not to be--"
[06:16] ---
    --That's a dead certainty!
    Not to be, of course!☆
[06:23] ---
    What pathetically dull acting!
[06:26] ---
    Do us all a favor and drop dead
    this instant, you hideous Hamlet!
[06:30] ---
    Grell! What are you doing here?
[06:32] ---
    Who's that? I have the strangest
    feeling I've seen him before...
[06:37] ---
    You have no heart. No heart!
[06:40] ---
    You're not conveying
    Hamlet's tortured anguish!
[06:43] ---
    You have to make it echo through the theater!
[06:45] ---
    Come on, do it like this.
[06:49] ---
    "To be, or not to be: that is the question."
[06:55] ---
    No!
[06:56] ---
    ♪ That's no question at all! ♪
[07:02] ---
    ♪ Not at all! ♪
[07:04] ---
    ♪ When I met you, it changed me! ♪
[07:08] ---
    ♪ The important thing is love! ♪
[07:15] ---
    No, I unquestionably recommend death to you.
[07:19] ---
    I see that love stands always
    but a step away from death!
[07:23] ---
    Oh, Sebas-chan, my excitement increases!
[07:29] ---
    Still, this melodramatic, dubious acting...
[07:34] ---
    It may be worth making use of
    for a limited period of time.
[07:38] ---
    At any rate, none of you have
    a sufficient sense of urgency.
[07:41] ---
    Put more into this.
[07:43] ---
    I told you, no curry!
[07:45] ---
    It's very good.
[07:46] ---
    Seaweed.
[07:48] ---
    Here.
[07:50] ---
    See? Pink hats really are the best kind!
[07:54] ---
    Sebastian?
[08:01] ---
    Hamlet.
[08:04] ---
    The lack of even the faintest
    ray of hope in its plot
[08:07] ---
    prompts people to group it with
    Othello, King Lear, and Macbeth
[08:11] ---
    as one of Shakespeare's
    four greatest tragedies.
[08:16] ---
    In order for you to
    truly understand Hamlet,
[08:19] ---
    I'll first give you a taste
    of the Phantomhive tragedy.
[08:32] ---
    S-Sebas-chan, how terrifying you are!
[09:10] ---
    Oh, look, the viscount!
[09:20] ---
    The house is packed!
[09:22] ---
    Woo-hoo! Now I'm gettin' worked up!
[09:29] ---
    Ah, now I'm really
    showing my stuff as an actress.
[09:34] ---
    Ugh, this costume isn't cute at all!
[09:42] ---
    Where is the young master?
[09:43] ---
    E-Er, I think he went to the W.C., yes...
[09:51] ---
    So here you are.
[09:55] ---
    It's a bit too late to say you
    don't like the part, young master.
[10:00] ---
    A young prince who loses his
    father and burns for revenge...
[10:05] ---
    You deliberately gave me this part.
[10:11] ---
    Not only do you have no acting experience,
[10:13] ---
    you also lack the dexterity
    to button your own shirts.
[10:18] ---
    I felt casting you in a part
    too different from yourself
[10:21] ---
    would be hard on you, my lord.
[10:23] ---
    What?!
[10:24] ---
    What's the harm in it?
[10:28] ---
    Let's make this a prelude to
    the bloody revenge coming.
[10:35] ---
    Young master, are you all ready?
[10:39] ---
    The curtain is finally
    rising on this tale of revenge.
[11:01] ---
    An adult's holiday.
[11:05] ---
    Pluto knows there are certain tastes
    only a connoisseur can appreciate.

[11:12] ---
    Crunchy and bracing!
[11:15] ---
    Headlong doggie!
[11:19] ---
    Inukko: a Funtom Company product.
[11:27] ---
    The previous king of Denmark has died,
[11:31] ---
    and his younger brother
    Claudius has been crowned king!
[11:36] ---
    The late king's wife, whom
    he'd loved unconditionally,
[11:41] ---
    has become the bride of the new ruler!
[11:46] ---
    Oh, I'm ever so sad that my brother died,
[11:50] ---
    but since we're still alive,
    we must enjoy ourselves!
[11:55] ---
    I quite agree.
[11:57] ---
    Slip...
[11:59] ---
    Oh, you're perfect!
[12:02] ---
    Such stiff ribs!
[12:06] ---
    Tickle, tickle, tickle...
[12:11] ---
    I know I said I wanted laughter,
    but a direct attack like this is cheating!
[12:17] ---
    Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[12:24] ---
    The late king's son Hamlet
[12:27] ---
    encounters him as a ghost!
[12:32] ---
    O Father, what may this mean,
    that thou appearest before me so?
[12:41] ---
    I see, my vile uncle Claudius
[12:44] ---
    hath killed thee by pouring
    poison in thy ear?
[12:52] ---
    Yes, I see.
[12:55] ---
    Thou bid'st me take revenge in thy place.
[13:00] ---
    But of course, Father!
[13:03] ---
    He can understand that?
[13:05] ---
    Tanaka is a magnificent actor who
    can convey it all with his aura, yes!
[13:08] ---
    More importantly, why am I a stagehand?!
    I don't accept this!
[13:13] ---
    It's because you're eating curry.
[13:15] ---
    Father... Thy hatred hath survived
[13:20] ---
    the very fires of hell.
[13:24] ---
    Here and now I swear I shall avenge you!
[13:30] ---
    What an enthusiastic performance!
[13:33] ---
    Damn it, man, move that
    light further to the right!
[13:35] ---
    I ask you, why am I a stagehand?!
[13:38] ---
    I tell you, because you're eating curry.
[13:41] ---
    Now, how is the audience reacting?
[13:50] ---
    It seems Hamlet is too
    difficult for children to understand.
[13:54] ---
    In order to deceive his uncle,
[13:57] ---
    Hamlet pretends to be
    disappointed in his love for Ophelia,
[14:01] ---
    the daughter of the king's
    chief counsel, and go mad!
[14:06] ---
    Ah, what a sinful woman I am!
[14:13] ---
    Ophelia, there you are!
[14:15] ---
    Father! Hmm, now that
    I get a better look at thee,
[14:19] ---
    I see thou art quite handsome!
[14:22] ---
    Never mind that Hamlet, I fancy you, Father!
[14:27] ---
    Such a honeyed scent
    doth forbidden love have!
[14:35] ---
    What depravity!
[14:37] ---
    Only Brahmā could be forgiven
    such acts between father and daughter!
[14:43] ---
    But...
[14:45] ---
    What with one thing
    and another, Ophelia died!
[14:49] ---
    No! It's not Ophelia's death scene... yet...
[14:55] ---
    Agents who die in the
    field receive no burial!
[14:58] ---
    Let's toss her in the river!
[15:05] ---
    Father...
[15:08] ---
    --♪ Seaweed. Oh how I love it... ♪
[15:18] ---
    --Goodness, she seems to be a hit.
[15:21] ---
    --Seaweed!
[15:23] ---
    --Hey, it's seaweed!
[15:25] ---
    --It sounds like she's popular
    with the tadpoles, yes.
[15:29] ---
    --I don't get kids.
[15:32] ---
    Now that the ice is broken,
[15:34] ---
    the young master's big scene is here at last.
[15:41] ---
    To be, or not to be:
[15:47] ---
    That is the question.
[15:49] ---
    My uncle is a cunning man.
[15:53] ---
    Even if I'm able to carry out my revenge,
[15:56] ---
    I shan't escape alive.
[15:58] ---
    And... the truth is...
[16:06] ---
    I don't want to die.
[16:12] ---
    Quit being a coward, Hamlet!
[16:15] ---
    Drive out that foolish,
    stunted soul of thine this instant!
[16:22] ---
    My vow is a bloody one.
[16:28] ---
    There's no turning back now!
[16:38] ---
    Now let me be off, before the
    blazing sun in my blood rises.
[16:47] ---
    Hey!
[16:48] ---
    The young master is amazing!
[16:52] ---
    Yes, very true-to-life.
[17:00] ---
    Oh, that fury that makes
    his slender limbs tremble!
[17:03] ---
    That burning rage is like an aloof ruby!
[17:08] ---
    Oh, dear. Pardon me.
[17:12] ---
    Well, well. That performance
    resonated even with the children.
[17:17] ---
    Now, then...
[17:20] ---
    I'm on.
[17:23] ---
    Hamlet and Ophelia's brother
    Laertes must cross blades
[17:28] ---
    in a fencing match arranged by the king!
[17:41] ---
    But the tip of Laertes's sword
    is coated with a poison
[17:44] ---
    that will kill a man after just
    the faintest scratch of his blade!
[17:50] ---
    I-I'm scared...
[17:53] ---
    Thou art Ophelia's brother, then?
[17:56] ---
    I have heard thy skill is great!
[17:59] ---
    I have heard the same of thine.
[18:01] ---
    I hope thou shalt go easy on me.
[18:05] ---
    Now, I think that's enough chat!
[18:09] ---
    We'll have a ten-point match.
[18:11] ---
    And now...
[18:14] ---
    let the match be--
[18:15] ---
    Hamlet, no!
[18:17] ---
    That old guy's sword is poisoned!
[18:22] ---
    "Old guy"?
[18:23] ---
    Yeah, they lied when they
    said this was a fencing match!
[18:27] ---
    They're trying to kill you, Hamlet!
[18:29] ---
    You should stop! You should
    stop trying to get revenge, okay?
[18:33] ---
    I don't want any stupid revenge!
[18:35] ---
    Don't die, Hamlet!
[18:37] ---
    "Don't die"...
[18:39] ---
    Young master! Your line, your line!
[18:43] ---
    My line?
[18:48] ---
    Oh, it's hopeless!
[18:50] ---
    You there! Draw the curtains!
[18:51] ---
    R-Right, yes! Er...
[18:54] ---
    No, wait.
[18:56] ---
    How dare thee let thy eyes wander?
[19:06] ---
    The farce is over. I'll tell thee the truth.
[19:10] ---
    My beloved sister's sweet life was ended
[19:15] ---
    because of her involvement with thee!
[19:17] ---
    Wait! This isn't in the script!
[19:20] ---
    I shall win my revenge by slaying thee!
[19:24] ---
    My beloved Ophelia...
[19:26] ---
    ♪ Stop the fighting! ♪
[19:29] ---
    ♪ Don't you fight over me! ♪
[19:34] ---
    What the devil is he doing?!
[19:36] ---
    When did he get a gondola?!
[19:37] ---
    It's not fair to take the
    spotlight all for yourself!
[19:39] ---
    I'm going to go out there and--
[19:40] ---
    Wait! If you go out there now--
[19:43] ---
    Not fair! Not fair!
[19:45] ---
    Ophelia?! I thought you were dead!
[19:48] ---
    When my dear brother's
    love rained down upon me,
[19:51] ---
    the flower of life bloomed
    anew with deadly haste!☆
[19:56] ---
    Oh, dear brother! You are truly the one for--
[20:05] ---
    Ouchies!
[20:08] ---
    So this is where you've been dallying,
[20:12] ---
    Grell Sutcliff.
[20:13] ---
    Will!
[20:15] ---
    This is an outrage.
    Not only have you deserted your post,
[20:18] ---
    you're actually putting on a
    charity play with a loathsome demon.
[20:20] ---
    Ah, now three men are fighting over me!
[20:25] ---
    Stop, stop, stop! No fighting!
[20:28] ---
    You just leave everything to me,
    Ramakrishna, avatar of the sun!
[20:33] ---
    Prince Soma!
[20:35] ---
    Ophelia came back to life!
[20:37] ---
    Go get him, Rama-whatsit!
[20:42] ---
    This is a mess! What a foolish--
[20:45] ---
    Yes, it is foolish.
[20:48] ---
    Revenge is foolish.
[20:50] ---
    All it offers is confusion
    and a brief fever of excitement.
[20:55] ---
    When the curtains close on
    this pipe dream, nothing is left.
[21:01] ---
    Isn't that right, my lord Hamlet?
[21:04] ---
    Seba-- I mean, I never
    thought I'd hear you say...
[21:07] ---
    Quite so!
[21:09] ---
    Revenge is utterly meaningless!
[21:12] ---
    Ramakrishna, avatar of
    the sun, guarantees it!
[21:16] ---
    H-Hey!
[21:18] ---
    A demon's master who
    can't ad-lib isn't worth his salt.
[21:25] ---
    Hamlet...
[21:30] ---
    That's right.
[21:35] ---
    I'll forget about revenge and live on!
[21:39] ---
    I will live as long as Nature allows me to!
[21:50] ---
    Magnificent!
[21:52] ---
    This is the true Hamlet
[21:54] ---
    which transcends a mere revenge play!
[21:57] ---
    I long to wrap this pitiable yet dignified
    Hamlet in the bacon of my arms!
[22:01] ---
    Ham, ham-ham, I'll be your eggs, Ham...!
[22:16] ---
    Thank you.
[22:19] ---
    All the world's a stage,
[22:23] ---
    and all the men and women merely players.
[22:28] ---
    We meet and begin our drama.
[22:32] ---
    And sooner or later, the curtain closes.
[22:37] ---
    Thank you. Thank you.
[22:42] ---
    Thank you.
[23:04] ---
    The moonlight that reveals
    sorrow was coldly illuminating

[23:11] ---
    The despair and the future
    which grew intimate in the dark

[23:21] ---
    With the secret you gave me as my guide
[23:28] ---
    I move through the blue night's stillness
[23:35] ---
    Lacrimosa, I want to love once again
[23:42] ---
    The dazzling world that
    crumbled and vanished in the distance

[23:50] ---
    I'll hide my dreams within my eyes
[23:57] ---
    Until the tears fall on my sullied heart
[24:20] ---
    That was fun!
[24:22] ---
    Hamlet was so dashing!
[24:28] ---
    A smashing performance, and it
    was all thanks to you, Ran-Mao!
[24:31] ---
    Seaweed.
[24:32] ---
    Hmm? Where'd Ophelia go?
[24:35] ---
    That chap with the side part
    took her off somewhere.
[24:37] ---
    Beat her black and blue first, too!
[24:44] ---
    You seem out of sorts for someone
    whose Hamlet was such a success.
[24:50] ---
    I'll have you know I don't
    seriously intend to forget revenge.
[24:55] ---
    I know, my lord.
[24:57] ---
    In the end, stories enacted on the
    stage are naught but pipe dreams.
[25:01] ---
    And after all, it would be quite
    an inconvenience for me if you were
[25:04] ---
    to forget about revenge.
[25:07] ---
    Ciel!
[25:11] ---
    Now we're going to celebrate
    with a party at your manor!
[25:14] ---
    What? But...
[25:16] ---
    I made a trip home during the intermission
[25:18] ---
    and prepared all the
    ingredients for the feast.
[25:21] ---
    You see, I am merely one hell of a butler.
[25:31] ---
    I'll forget about revenge and live on...
[25:44] ---
    "Next Episode Preview"
[25:48] ---
    "Tanaka Sushi"
[25:50] ---
    Hang in there, Papa!
[25:53] ---
    Sorry, but I'm a fishmonger,
    not a gossipmonger.
[25:58] ---
    Why don't you get the hell out of my town?
[26:01] ---
    It's only a matter of time
    before Tanaka Sushi goes under.
[26:05] ---
    What, you've brought in outside talent?
SIGN    "Nutrition Education"
[26:08] ---
    How amusing.
[26:09] ---
    Let's see what he's got.
[26:11] ---
    Take this! Freshly caught and still floppin'!
[26:14] ---
    What I roll are human hearts.
[26:18] ---
    Say your prayers, Tanaka lackey!
[26:22] ---
    Mr. Bastian...
[26:25] ---
    "Tanaka Sushi"
[26:33] ---
    "New Series: Black Sushi Chef"
[26:37] ---
    Perhaps black fingernails
    are a no-no after all?
[26:39] ---
    "Look forward to it!"