# 25 - His Butler, Performer
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/GYQ43P3E6/black-butler)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:12] ---**
"On the night of the third
anniversary of Funtom's founding,
**[00:15] ---**
they'll be presenting a free
play for orphaned children.
**[00:18] ---**
The show will be Hamlet."
**[00:22] ---**
I see we're getting a fair bit of press.
**[00:25] ---**
I didn't anticipate you
doing charity work like this.
**[00:27] ---**
I admire your philanthropic spirit,
young master.
**[00:31] ---**
Philanthropic?
**[00:33] ---**
These days love breeds money.
**[00:37] ---**
People will say
"Funtom gives orphaned children love."
**[00:41] ---**
We can use that to our advantage--
**[00:45] ---**
Love for the poor orphans!
Oh, it brings tears to my eyes!
**[00:50] ---**
Our young master must know
**[00:53] ---**
how they feel because he lost his own father!
**[00:58] ---**
Are you lot even listening to me?!
**[01:03] ---**
Just what I'd expect from our
young master--
**[01:05] ---**
or rather, from a *child.*
**[01:10] ---**
Hamlet, hmm?
**[01:15] ---**
After Prince Hamlet's father,
the king, is murdered,
**[01:20] ---**
Hamlet vows to avenge him
even at the cost of his own life.
**[01:23] ---**
The play might as well have
been written for you, young master.
**[01:28] ---**
It just happened to be in the
repertoire of the troupe I hired.
**[01:31] ---**
I don't care about the plo--
**[01:33] ---**
Y-Young master!
**[01:35] ---**
What? An accident?
**[01:37] ---**
Yes, my lord. The ship carrying
the actors ran into some trouble,
**[01:41] ---**
and they won't arrive in
London until next week, no!
**[01:47] ---**
The show is in three days!
**[01:49] ---**
Do you know how much advertising I've done?!
**[01:52] ---**
The press will be all over us that day.
**[01:55] ---**
We can't possibly reschedule.
**[01:59] ---**
What shall we do, my lord?
**[02:03] ---**
We have no choice.
**[02:05] ---**
Sebastian, this is an order:
**[02:07] ---**
Make the show a success-- make it
worthy of the Phantomhive name.
**[02:13] ---**
Yes, my lord.
**[02:24] ---**
"Black Butler"
**[02:28] ---**
*Since then, I've actually
come to like the night somewhat*
**[02:35] ---**
*In a sea of dependence,
I forget even to breathe*
**[02:40] ---**
*When I'm right on the verge
of losing my head over you*
**[02:44] ---**
*You just leave me lukewarm*
**[02:48] ---**
*The aesthetic of leave-taking
despises a self-satisfied kiss*
**[02:55] ---**
*Don't leave me alone, show me
compassion, paint me with death*
**[03:01] ---**
*In your room, all words slip away*
**[03:08] ---**
*I want to end like this, cloaked*
**[03:14] ---**
*But the night ignores
that wish and brings morning*
**[03:21] ---**
*With your gentle,
passionate, and dastardly kiss*
**[03:27] ---**
*Paint this final night*
**[03:31] ---**
*The moon illuminates us*
**[03:45] ---**
"His Butler, Performer"
**[03:51] ---**
Well, Ran-Mao, what part do you want to play?
**[03:54] ---**
Seaweed.
**[03:56] ---**
If I'm going to be in a play,
naturally I'll be Ramakrishna!
**[04:00] ---**
Oh, Prince Soma, I just
know you'll be sublime!
**[04:03] ---**
I want to be a princess!
**[04:07] ---**
And wear a poofy skirt with three petticoats!
**[04:12] ---**
If we're going all-out,
perhaps I should put on four or five.
**[04:16] ---**
What? You, a princess?
**[04:19] ---**
That wouldn't be cute at all!
**[04:21] ---**
Seaweed, an Indian, and two princesses?
**[04:25] ---**
I told you, this is Hamlet!
**[04:28] ---**
Sebastian! Why all these amateurs?
**[04:31] ---**
Are you putting on a school play?!
**[04:33] ---**
In its proper form, a charity play
**[04:37] ---**
is something staged at home
by the master of the house.
**[04:40] ---**
It's not something you pay
a theatrical troupe to do.
**[04:44] ---**
Moreover, I believe this particular group...
**[04:49] ---**
...will tolerate a bit of harsh direction.
**[04:57] ---**
Naturally, you'll be
performing as well, young master.
**[05:01] ---**
I'm sure you understand
**[05:03] ---**
what the best response is to this crisis.
**[05:08] ---**
After all, you're an *adult*, aren't you?
**[05:12] ---**
"Vocal Exercises"
**[05:19] ---**
It's time to begin.
**[05:21] ---**
We'll start with vocal exercises.
**[05:39] ---**
No hanky-panky.
**[05:41] ---**
Go!
**[05:46] ---**
Yes! Yes! Yes!
**[05:50] ---**
No curry.
**[05:51] ---**
It's very good.
**[05:52] ---**
There's plenty to go around, if you'd like--
**[05:55] ---**
No, thank you.
**[05:58] ---**
Next, performance training.
**[06:00] ---**
"Performance Training"
**[06:04] ---**
"To be, or not to be: that is the question."
**[06:10] ---**
Young master, put more heart into it.
**[06:13] ---**
--"T-To be, or not to be--"
**[06:16] ---**
--That's a *dead* certainty!
Not to be, of course!☆
**[06:23] ---**
What pathetically dull acting!
**[06:26] ---**
Do us all a favor and drop dead
this instant, you hideous Hamlet!
**[06:30] ---**
Grell! What are you doing here?
**[06:32] ---**
Who's that? I have the strangest
feeling I've seen him before...
**[06:37] ---**
You have no heart. No heart!
**[06:40] ---**
You're not conveying
Hamlet's tortured anguish!
**[06:43] ---**
You have to make it echo through the theater!
**[06:45] ---**
Come on, do it like *this*.
**[06:49] ---**
"To be, or not to be: that is the question."
**[06:55] ---**
No!
**[06:56] ---**
♪ That's no question at all! ♪
**[07:02] ---**
♪ Not at all! ♪
**[07:04] ---**
♪ When I met you, it changed me! ♪
**[07:08] ---**
♪ The important thing is *love*! ♪
**[07:15] ---**
No, I unquestionably recommend death to you.
**[07:19] ---**
I see that love stands always
but a step away from death!
**[07:23] ---**
Oh, Sebas-*chan*, my excitement increases!
**[07:29] ---**
Still, this melodramatic, dubious acting...
**[07:34] ---**
It may be worth making use of
for a limited period of time.
**[07:38] ---**
At any rate, none of you have
a sufficient sense of urgency.
**[07:41] ---**
Put more into this.
**[07:43] ---**
I told you, no curry!
**[07:45] ---**
It's very good.
**[07:46] ---**
Seaweed.
**[07:48] ---**
Here.
**[07:50] ---**
See? Pink hats really are the best kind!
**[07:54] ---**
Sebastian?
**[08:01] ---**
Hamlet.
**[08:04] ---**
The lack of even the faintest
ray of hope in its plot
**[08:07] ---**
prompts people to group it with
Othello, King Lear, and Macbeth
**[08:11] ---**
as one of Shakespeare's
four greatest tragedies.
**[08:16] ---**
In order for you to
truly understand Hamlet,
**[08:19] ---**
I'll first give you a taste
of the Phantomhive tragedy.
**[08:32] ---**
S-Sebas-*chan*, how terrifying you are!
**[09:10] ---**
Oh, look, the viscount!
**[09:20] ---**
The house is packed!
**[09:22] ---**
Woo-hoo! Now I'm gettin' worked up!
**[09:29] ---**
Ah, now I'm really
showing my stuff as an actress.
**[09:34] ---**
Ugh, this costume isn't cute at all!
**[09:42] ---**
Where is the young master?
**[09:43] ---**
E-Er, I think he went to the W.C., yes...
**[09:51] ---**
So here you are.
**[09:55] ---**
It's a bit too late to say you
don't like the part, young master.
**[10:00] ---**
A young prince who loses his
father and burns for revenge...
**[10:05] ---**
You deliberately gave me this part.
**[10:11] ---**
Not only do you have no acting experience,
**[10:13] ---**
you also lack the dexterity
to button your own shirts.
**[10:18] ---**
I felt casting you in a part
too different from yourself
**[10:21] ---**
would be hard on you, my lord.
**[10:23] ---**
What?!
**[10:24] ---**
What's the harm in it?
**[10:28] ---**
Let's make this a prelude to
the bloody revenge coming.
**[10:35] ---**
Young master, are you all ready?
**[10:39] ---**
The curtain is finally
rising on this tale of revenge.
**[11:01] ---**
*An adult's holiday.*
**[11:05] ---**
*Pluto knows there are certain tastes
only a connoisseur can appreciate.*
**[11:12] ---**
Crunchy and bracing!
**[11:15] ---**
Headlong doggie!
**[11:19] ---**
*Inukko: a Funtom Company product.*
**[11:27] ---**
The previous king of Denmark has died,
**[11:31] ---**
and his younger brother
Claudius has been crowned king!
**[11:36] ---**
The late king's wife, whom
he'd loved unconditionally,
**[11:41] ---**
has become the bride of the new ruler!
**[11:46] ---**
Oh, I'm ever so sad that my brother died,
**[11:50] ---**
but since *we're* still alive,
we must enjoy ourselves!
**[11:55] ---**
I quite agree.
**[11:57] ---**
Slip...
**[11:59] ---**
Oh, you're perfect!
**[12:02] ---**
Such stiff ribs!
**[12:06] ---**
Tickle, tickle, tickle...
**[12:11] ---**
I know I said I wanted laughter,
but a direct attack like this is cheating!
**[12:17] ---**
Tickle, tickle, tickle!
**[12:24] ---**
The late king's son Hamlet
**[12:27] ---**
encounters him as a ghost!
**[12:32] ---**
O Father, what may this mean,
that thou appearest before me so?
**[12:41] ---**
I see, my vile uncle Claudius
**[12:44] ---**
hath killed thee by pouring
poison in thy ear?
**[12:52] ---**
Yes, I see.
**[12:55] ---**
Thou bid'st me take revenge in thy place.
**[13:00] ---**
But of course, Father!
**[13:03] ---**
He can understand that?
**[13:05] ---**
Tanaka is a magnificent actor who
can convey it all with his aura, yes!
**[13:08] ---**
More importantly, why am I a stagehand?!
I don't accept this!
**[13:13] ---**
It's because you're eating curry.
**[13:15] ---**
Father... Thy hatred hath survived
**[13:20] ---**
the very fires of hell.
**[13:24] ---**
Here and now I swear I shall avenge you!
**[13:30] ---**
What an enthusiastic performance!
**[13:33] ---**
Damn it, man, move that
light further to the right!
**[13:35] ---**
I ask you, why am I a stagehand?!
**[13:38] ---**
I tell you, because you're eating curry.
**[13:41] ---**
Now, how is the audience reacting?
**[13:50] ---**
It seems Hamlet is too
difficult for children to understand.
**[13:54] ---**
In order to deceive his uncle,
**[13:57] ---**
Hamlet pretends to be
disappointed in his love for Ophelia,
**[14:01] ---**
the daughter of the king's
chief counsel, and go mad!
**[14:06] ---**
Ah, what a sinful woman I am!
**[14:13] ---**
Ophelia, there you are!
**[14:15] ---**
Father! Hmm, now that
I get a better look at thee,
**[14:19] ---**
I see thou art quite handsome!
**[14:22] ---**
Never mind that Hamlet, I fancy *you*, Father!
**[14:27] ---**
Such a honeyed scent
doth forbidden love have!
**[14:35] ---**
What depravity!
**[14:37] ---**
Only Brahmā could be forgiven
such acts between father and daughter!
**[14:43] ---**
But...
**[14:45] ---**
What with one thing
and another, Ophelia died!
**[14:49] ---**
No! It's not Ophelia's death scene... yet...
**[14:55] ---**
Agents who die in the
field receive no burial!
**[14:58] ---**
Let's toss her in the river!
**[15:05] ---**
Father...
**[15:08] ---**
--♪ Seaweed. Oh how I love it... ♪
**[15:18] ---**
--Goodness, she seems to be a hit.
**[15:21] ---**
--Seaweed!
**[15:23] ---**
--Hey, it's seaweed!
**[15:25] ---**
--It sounds like she's popular
with the tadpoles, yes.
**[15:29] ---**
--I don't get kids.
**[15:32] ---**
Now that the ice is broken,
**[15:34] ---**
the young master's big scene is here at last.
**[15:41] ---**
To be, or not to be:
**[15:47] ---**
That is the question.
**[15:49] ---**
My uncle is a cunning man.
**[15:53] ---**
Even if I'm able to carry out my revenge,
**[15:56] ---**
I shan't escape alive.
**[15:58] ---**
And... the truth is...
**[16:06] ---**
*I don't want* to die.
**[16:12] ---**
Quit being a coward, Hamlet!
**[16:15] ---**
Drive out that foolish,
stunted soul of thine this instant!
**[16:22] ---**
My vow is a bloody one.
**[16:28] ---**
There's no turning back now!
**[16:38] ---**
Now let me be off, before the
blazing sun in my blood rises.
**[16:47] ---**
Hey!
**[16:48] ---**
The young master is amazing!
**[16:52] ---**
Yes, very true-to-life.
**[17:00] ---**
Oh, that fury that makes
his slender limbs tremble!
**[17:03] ---**
That burning rage is like an aloof ruby!
**[17:08] ---**
Oh, dear. Pardon me.
**[17:12] ---**
Well, well. That performance
resonated even with the children.
**[17:17] ---**
Now, then...
**[17:20] ---**
I'm on.
**[17:23] ---**
Hamlet and Ophelia's brother
Laertes must cross blades
**[17:28] ---**
in a fencing match arranged by the king!
**[17:41] ---**
But the tip of Laertes's sword
is coated with a poison
**[17:44] ---**
that will kill a man after just
the faintest scratch of his blade!
**[17:50] ---**
I-I'm scared...
**[17:53] ---**
Thou art Ophelia's brother, then?
**[17:56] ---**
I have heard thy skill is great!
**[17:59] ---**
I have heard the same of thine.
**[18:01] ---**
I hope thou shalt go easy on me.
**[18:05] ---**
Now, I think that's enough chat!
**[18:09] ---**
We'll have a ten-point match.
**[18:11] ---**
And now...
**[18:14] ---**
let the match be--
**[18:15] ---**
Hamlet, no!
**[18:17] ---**
That old guy's sword is poisoned!
**[18:22] ---**
"Old guy"?
**[18:23] ---**
Yeah, they lied when they
said this was a fencing match!
**[18:27] ---**
They're trying to kill you, Hamlet!
**[18:29] ---**
You should stop! You should
stop trying to get revenge, okay?
**[18:33] ---**
I don't want any stupid revenge!
**[18:35] ---**
Don't die, Hamlet!
**[18:37] ---**
"Don't die"...
**[18:39] ---**
Young master! Your line, your line!
**[18:43] ---**
My line?
**[18:48] ---**
Oh, it's hopeless!
**[18:50] ---**
You there! Draw the curtains!
**[18:51] ---**
R-Right, yes! Er...
**[18:54] ---**
No, wait.
**[18:56] ---**
How dare thee let thy eyes wander?
**[19:06] ---**
The farce is over. I'll tell thee the truth.
**[19:10] ---**
My beloved sister's sweet life was ended
**[19:15] ---**
because of her involvement with thee!
**[19:17] ---**
Wait! This isn't in the script!
**[19:20] ---**
I shall win my revenge by slaying thee!
**[19:24] ---**
My beloved Ophelia...
**[19:26] ---**
♪ Stop the fighting! ♪
**[19:29] ---**
♪ Don't you fight over me! ♪
**[19:34] ---**
What the devil is he doing?!
**[19:36] ---**
When did he get a gondola?!
**[19:37] ---**
It's not fair to take the
spotlight all for yourself!
**[19:39] ---**
I'm going to go out there and--
**[19:40] ---**
Wait! If you go out there now--
**[19:43] ---**
Not fair! Not fair!
**[19:45] ---**
Ophelia?! I thought you were dead!
**[19:48] ---**
When my dear brother's
love rained down upon me,
**[19:51] ---**
the flower of life bloomed
anew with deadly haste!☆
**[19:56] ---**
Oh, dear brother! You are truly the one for--
**[20:05] ---**
Ouchies!
**[20:08] ---**
So *this* is where you've been dallying,
**[20:12] ---**
Grell Sutcliff.
**[20:13] ---**
Will!
**[20:15] ---**
This is an outrage.
Not only have you deserted your post,
**[20:18] ---**
you're actually putting on a
charity play with a loathsome demon.
**[20:20] ---**
Ah, now three men are fighting over me!
**[20:25] ---**
Stop, stop, stop! No fighting!
**[20:28] ---**
You just leave everything to me,
Ramakrishna, avatar of the sun!
**[20:33] ---**
Prince Soma!
**[20:35] ---**
Ophelia came back to life!
**[20:37] ---**
Go get him, Rama-whatsit!
**[20:42] ---**
This is a mess! What a foolish--
**[20:45] ---**
Yes, it is foolish.
**[20:48] ---**
Revenge is foolish.
**[20:50] ---**
All it offers is confusion
and a brief fever of excitement.
**[20:55] ---**
When the curtains close on
this pipe dream, nothing is left.
**[21:01] ---**
Isn't that right, my lord Hamlet?
**[21:04] ---**
Seba-- I mean, I never
thought I'd hear you say...
**[21:07] ---**
Quite so!
**[21:09] ---**
Revenge is utterly meaningless!
**[21:12] ---**
Ramakrishna, avatar of
the sun, guarantees it!
**[21:16] ---**
H-Hey!
**[21:18] ---**
A demon's master who
can't ad-lib isn't worth his salt.
**[21:25] ---**
Hamlet...
**[21:30] ---**
That's right.
**[21:35] ---**
I'll forget about revenge and live on!
**[21:39] ---**
I will live as long as Nature allows me to!
**[21:50] ---**
Magnificent!
**[21:52] ---**
This is the true Hamlet
**[21:54] ---**
which transcends a mere revenge play!
**[21:57] ---**
I long to wrap this pitiable yet dignified
Hamlet in the bacon of my arms!
**[22:01] ---**
Ham, ham-ham, I'll be your eggs, Ham...!
**[22:16] ---**
*Thank you.*
**[22:19] ---**
*All the world's a stage,*
**[22:23] ---**
*and all the men and women merely players.*
**[22:28] ---**
*We meet and begin our drama.*
**[22:32] ---**
*And sooner or later, the curtain closes.*
**[22:37] ---**
*Thank you. Thank you.*
**[22:42] ---**
*Thank you.*
**[23:04] ---**
*The moonlight that reveals
sorrow was coldly illuminating*
**[23:11] ---**
*The despair and the future
which grew intimate in the dark*
**[23:21] ---**
*With the secret you gave me as my guide*
**[23:28] ---**
*I move through the blue night's stillness*
**[23:35] ---**
*Lacrimosa, I want to love once again*
**[23:42] ---**
*The dazzling world that
crumbled and vanished in the distance*
**[23:50] ---**
*I'll hide my dreams within my eyes*
**[23:57] ---**
*Until the tears fall on my sullied heart*
**[24:20] ---**
That was fun!
**[24:22] ---**
Hamlet was so dashing!
**[24:28] ---**
A smashing performance, and it
was all thanks to you, Ran-Mao!
**[24:31] ---**
Seaweed.
**[24:32] ---**
Hmm? Where'd Ophelia go?
**[24:35] ---**
That chap with the side part
took her off somewhere.
**[24:37] ---**
Beat her black and blue first, too!
**[24:44] ---**
You seem out of sorts for someone
whose Hamlet was such a success.
**[24:50] ---**
I'll have you know I don't
seriously intend to forget revenge.
**[24:55] ---**
I know, my lord.
**[24:57] ---**
In the end, stories enacted on the
stage are naught but pipe dreams.
**[25:01] ---**
And after all, it would be quite
an inconvenience for me if you were
**[25:04] ---**
to forget about revenge.
**[25:07] ---**
Ciel!
**[25:11] ---**
Now we're going to celebrate
with a party at your manor!
**[25:14] ---**
What? But...
**[25:16] ---**
I made a trip home during the intermission
**[25:18] ---**
and prepared all the
ingredients for the feast.
**[25:21] ---**
You see, I am merely one hell of a butler.
**[25:31] ---**
*I'll forget about revenge and live on...*
**[25:44] ---**
"Next Episode Preview"
**[25:48] ---**
"Tanaka Sushi"
**[25:50] ---**
Hang in there, Papa!
**[25:53] ---**
Sorry, but I'm a fishmonger,
not a gossipmonger.
**[25:58] ---**
Why don't you get the hell out of my town?
**[26:01] ---**
It's only a matter of time
before Tanaka Sushi goes under.
**[26:05] ---**
What, you've brought in outside talent?
***SIGN*** "Nutrition Education"
**[26:08] ---**
How amusing.
**[26:09] ---**
Let's see what he's got.
**[26:11] ---**
Take this! Freshly caught and still floppin'!
**[26:14] ---**
What I roll are human hearts.
**[26:18] ---**
Say your prayers, Tanaka lackey!
**[26:22] ---**
Mr. Bastian...
**[26:25] ---**
"Tanaka Sushi"
**[26:33] ---**
"New Series: Black Sushi Chef"
**[26:37] ---**
Perhaps black fingernails
are a no-no after all?
**[26:39] ---**
"Look forward to it!"