E7 - TANUKI AND GUARD DOG

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Luka
    Isaku-san, your grandfather wants to see you.
[00:03] Isaku
    Okay.
[00:05] Isaku
    It's good to see you again, sir.
[00:07] Tanuki-gumi Boss
    Hello there, Isaku-chan.
[00:09] Tasuke
    There's cake for you, too, honey.
[00:12] Isaku
    This is my grandfather's sworn
    brother, the boss of the Tanuki-gumi.
[00:17] Isaku
    He's been nice to me since I was little.
[00:22] Isaku
    There's a stranger here, too.
[00:24] Tanuki-gumi Boss
    Oh, this is my grandson.
    He's a first-year in high school, like you.
[00:29] Isaku
    P-Pleased to meet you.
[00:33] Mikio
    So, you got a boyfriend?
[00:36] Tanuki-gumi Boss
    Don't be disrespectful!
[00:39] Senagaki
    The boys love you, Isaku!
[00:41] Isaku
    That startled me.
[00:44] Mikio
    I'm Tanuki Mikio. Nice to meet you.
[00:48] Isaku
    He's a personality type I might
    not be good at dealing with.
SIGN    EPISODE 7
SIGN    TANUKI
SIGN    AND GUARD DOG
SIGN    GRADUATION
    CEREMONY
[02:34] Nagio
    Hey there!
[02:43] Nagio
    Kurumi.
[03:02] Nagio
    From now on, we'll be able to kiss every day.
[03:08] Kurumi
    Kisses of happiness, forever.
[03:26] Isaku
    Today is a girls' date at Katsuki-san's.
    I've been looking forward to it.
[03:31] Ando
    Crap, that was so good.
[03:33] Katsuki
    I want a romance like that!
[03:39] Katsuki
    I want a hottie to hug me and kiss me!
[03:45] Katsuki
    Have you two kissed anyone?
[03:48] Ando
    Yeah, I guess. It was just my
    middle school boyfriend, though.
[03:55] Katsuki
    I'm so jealous!
[03:57] Isaku
    Y-You kissed in middle school? Wow...
[04:01] Katsuki
    And you, Isaku-chan?
[04:07] (Flashback) Keiya
    Does "I'm not opposed"
[04:10] (Flashback) Keiya
    mean it's okay if I do it?
[04:16] Isaku
    I haven't.
[04:17] Ando
    Really?!
[04:18] Katsuki
    She paused! And she's blushing!
[04:21] Ando
    Was it with Uto-kun?!
[04:23] Isaku
    We really haven't k-kissed.
[04:28] Ando
    Oh, I see.
[04:29] Katsuki
    But you two are so close.
[04:32] Ando
    Don't you ever think about
    dating him? He's good-looking.
[04:36] Katsuki
    Right? A little weird, but good-looking.
[04:41] Isaku
    W-We went to a festival last week.
[04:46] Isaku
    He said it was a d-d-date...
[04:54] Katsuki
    I knew something was up!
SIGN     CAN I KISS YOU EVERY DAY?
[04:56] Ando
    Did he officially say he likes you?!
[04:58] Isaku
    No.
[05:00] Isaku
    I guess I don't really know how Keiya feels,
[05:06] Isaku
    and I'm kind of scared to know for sure,
[05:07] Ando
    She just called him "Keiya"!
[05:10] Isaku
    but I also kind of want to know, you know?
[05:10] Katsuki
    At school she only calls him "Uto"!
[05:15] Katsuki
    Isaku-chan... you like him, don't you?
[05:23] Ando
    You should tell him!
[05:26] Isaku
    N-No, it's probably not time...
[05:30] Katsuki
    Try casually testing the waters
    and see if he's into it.
[05:36] Isaku
    That's the first time I've told
    someone how I feel about Keiya.
[05:40] Isaku
    I said a lot of embarrassing things.
[05:45] Isaku
    But it was fun.
[05:50] Isaku
    I'm home.
[05:52] Keiya
    Did you have fun?
[05:53] Isaku
    Yeah. We watched a movie,
    ate snacks, and ta—
[05:58] Keiya
    Hmm? And what?
[06:02] Isaku
    Talked about boys.
[06:03] Keiya
    Boys? I assume you were just
    a listener on that topic.
[06:08] Isaku
    Assuming isn't nice.
[06:15] Isaku
    Later.
[06:18] Keiya
    Was your boy talk...
[06:20] Keiya
    about me?
[06:22] Isaku
    No!
[06:23] Isaku
    A-As if I'd talk about you.
[06:28] Keiya
    Ouch.
[06:30] Isaku
    What? Was he joking,
    or being serious? Which is it?!
[06:37] (Flashback) Katsuki
    Try casually testing the waters
    and see if he's into it.
[06:42] Isaku
    Why did you ask me that?
[06:51] Keiya
    Just a guess.
[06:54] Isaku
    I see.
[07:04] Isaku
    I don't know! I don't get Keiya at all.
[07:09] Isaku
    Every time I think he might
    feel the same way as me,
[07:14] Isaku
    I just want to get closer to him.
[07:33] Student 1
    Please stop.
[07:36] Mikio
    You picked this fight.
[07:40] Four-Eyes
    Mikio-san!
[07:43] Four-Eyes
    What are you doing? You'll catch
    hell from the boss again!
[07:47] Mikio
    I didn't start it this time.
[07:50] Four-Eyes
    Be quiet!
[07:53] Four-Eyes
    You realize that I get yelled
    at too because of you?
[08:10] Four-Eyes
    He's gone!
[08:18] Isaku
    I think I'm in the wrong section.
[08:23] Mikio
    Nice to see you again!
[08:27] Isaku
    Uh... Tanuki?
[08:29] Mikio
    Yep. Mikio.
[08:32] Mikio
    You're cute in a school uniform, Isaku-chan!
[08:37] Keiya
    Fancy meeting you here.
[08:40] Keiya
    Nice to see you again.
[08:42] High Schooler
    A hot boy just did the "wall
    slam" with another hot boy!
[08:42] Mikio
    Who are you, again?
[08:44] Isaku
    Keiya!
[08:47] Mikio
    Oh, the Senagaki captain!
[08:49] Mikio
    What's with the school uniform?
[08:51] Keiya
    Take your time, Isaku-san.
    I'll wait for you outside.
[08:55] Isaku
    Okay.
[08:59] Mikio
    An old yakuza dude cosplaying
    as a high schooler?
[09:03] Keiya
    I'm currently a high
    schooler in body and soul.
[09:05] Mikio
    Is this some new scam?
[09:08] Keiya
    I'm impersonating a student
    at Isaku-san's school
[09:11] Keiya
    in order to protect Isaku-san from lowlifes.
[09:17] Mikio
    So you're a guard dog?
[09:19] Mikio
    Gotta wonder if Senagaki-gumi
    is safe with you as Number 2.
[09:24] Mikio
    "Hey, Dad, gimme your daughter's hand."
[09:33] Keiya
    You better talk to me with respect, kid.
[09:45] Isaku
    Keiya, I'm done—
[09:46] Isaku
    Huh?
[09:48] Keiya
    Well, you have a nice day.
[10:02] Four-Eyes
    Mikio-san!
[10:07] Mikio
    That was scary.
[10:08] Four-Eyes
    Huh?
[10:10] Mikio
    I may have found a great way to kill time.
[10:13] Four-Eyes
    What?
[10:14] Mikio
    Hey, do me a favor.
[10:18] Four-Eyes
    Huh?
SIGN    TANUKI MIKIO
[10:29] Mikio
    I'm Tanuki Mikio!
[10:31] Mikio
    Nice to meetcha.
[10:36] Isaku
    Am I hallucinating?
[10:38] Mikio
    Isaku-chan!
[10:42] Isaku
    I'm not hallucinating!
[10:48] Keiya
    What's this about?
[10:50] Mikio
    Whatcha mean?
[10:51] Keiya
    I'm asking why you transferred
    to our high school.
[10:56] Mikio
    I figured it'd be fun to
    go to school with you two.
[11:00] Keiya
    Answer seriously, please.
[11:03] Isaku
    Keiya, let go! This is embarrassing.
[11:06] Ando
    Isaku-chan!
[11:08] Katsuki
    Do you know Tanuki-kun?
[11:10] Mikio
    Oh, good question! We—
[11:12] Isaku
    Um, actually, Tanuki-kun is family—
[11:16] Isaku
    I mean, our p-parents are friends—
[11:19] Isaku
    Or not parents, but grandparents?
[11:23] Isaku
    Keep quiet about our families, okay?!
[11:26] Mikio
    Oh, you're on Team "Hide It"?
    I'm on Team "Mention It Whenever."
[11:31] Isaku
    I'd like you to keep quiet about
    your ties, too, if you would.
[11:34] Keiya
    By the way, our cover story is
    that we're childhood friends.
[11:39] Mikio
    That's hilarious.
[11:41] Mikio
    Hmm, what to do...
[11:47] Isaku
    Please. I'm finally fitting in with
    my class, and I've made friends.
[11:52] Isaku
    I don't want to be shunned.
[11:56] Isaku
    I don't want to go back to being alone.
[12:02] Mikio
    Huh, I never had that idea. Kinda novel.
[12:07] Mikio
    But hey, we're gonna die
    like dogs eventually,
[12:12] Mikio
    so I get why you want good memories.
[12:15] Keiya
    Please don't scare her.
[12:17] Mikio
    Sure, I'll keep quiet for you.
[12:21] Mikio
    Repay me by being friendly
    with me. Both of you.
[12:25] Isaku
    What do you mean by "be friendly"?
[12:28] Mikio
    I'm sayin' I wanna be friends.
[12:31] Isaku
    Huh?
[12:35] Keiya
    How inconvenient.
[12:36] Keiya
    In my position, I can't afford
    to openly oppose him too much.
[12:42] Keiya
    I'll protect you, Isaku-san.
[12:46] Keiya
    But if you're uncomfortable,
    I'll get rid of him.
[12:48] Isaku
    Not necessary. Don't do anything.
[12:52] Keiya
    Now let's decide what to do
    for the culture festival.
[12:56] Keiya
    Let's hear some suggestions.
[13:00] Mikio
    He's a class rep!
[13:03] Keiya
    Pipe down, Tanuki-kun.
[13:06] Isaku
    I definitely don't want to be his friend,
[13:09] Isaku
    but I might need to stick close
    to him to keep him from blabbing.
[13:15] Ando
    Me!
[13:17] Ando
    I want to do a play!
[13:19] Satonaka
    A play?
[13:20] Morikawa
    Too much work.
[13:21] Ando
    We should do Romeo and Juliet!
[13:24] Katsuki
    I have scripts ready!
[13:26] Katsuki
    It'll help us deepen our friendships, too.
[13:29] Ando
    Let's all work together and
    make a great teenage memory!
[13:34] Isaku
    A play, huh? That might be fun.
[13:37] Isaku
    I hope I'm a stagehand.
[13:40] Ando
    And next...
[13:42] Katsuki
    About the casting...
SIGN    Juliet Romeo
    Senagaki Isaku Uto Keiya
[13:47] Katsuki
    Uto-kun will be Romeo,
    and Senagaki-san will be Juliet!
[13:52] Isaku
    What?!
[13:54] Ando
    Nice, you're already using your diaphragm.
[13:56] Katsuki
    These two never make any
    progress, so we came up with...
[14:01] Ando
    ...Operation: Get Worked Up Playing
    Lovers and Then Date for Real!
[14:07] Katsuki
    A life and death romantic tragedy...
[14:09] Ando
    ...is the perfect theme!
[14:11] Isaku
    I-I don't have any acting experience...
[14:15] Ando
    No problem! We'll rehearse lots.
[14:19] Ando
    No one visually fits the
    parts better than you two!
[14:23] Katsuki
    You'll do it, won't you?
[14:25] Keiya
    Of course, if you'd like me to.
[14:27] Isaku
    He agreed so easily!
[14:30] Sato
    They do look the parts.
[14:32] Morikawa
    I kinda wanna see that!
[14:33] Keiya
    I'll work to meet your expectations.
[14:36] Keiya
    So, what's Romeo and Juliet about?
[14:39] All but Keiya
    You don't know?
[14:42] Ando
    "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore
    art thou Romeo?" That one.
[14:47] Katsuki
    The super-famous love story by Shakespeare.
SIGN    ROMEO AND JULIET
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    SHAKESPEARE
[14:51] Keiya
    A romance? I see.
[14:54] Mikio
    'Scuze me!
[14:56] Mikio
    Objection!
[14:58] Mikio
    I wanna be Romeo.
[15:02] Isaku
    No!
[15:03] Katsuki
    This is an unexpected twist.
[15:05] Ando
    What now?
[15:07] Keiya
    That won't do.
[15:08] Keiya
    Romeo won't— No, I am Romeo!
    And I won't let you have Juliet!
[15:15] Ando
    He's suddenly in the role!
[15:17] Katsuki
    Even though he doesn't know the story...
[15:20] Mikio
    But classmates have equal
    participation rights, don't they?
[15:24] Mikio
    The culture festival is for everyone.
[15:27] Keiya
    What's your game here?
[15:29] Mikio
    If I play Isaku-chan's lover,
    we might get closer. Right?
[15:34] Ando
    What's going on?
[15:35] Katsuki
    A love triangle?
[15:37] Mikio
    Let's rock-paper-scissors this.
[15:39] Keiya
    Fine by me.
[15:44] Isaku
    Don't lose, Keiya!
[15:47] Katsuki
    Don't fail, Uto-kun!
[15:49] Ando
    You have to win!
[15:51] Keiya
    Ready.
[15:52] Mikio
    Set.
[15:53] Keiya / Mikio
    Go!
[16:02] Mikio
    Yay! I'm Romeo!
SIGN    Juliet Romeo
    Senagaki Isaku Tanuki Mikio
[16:13] Isaku
    *Our class is slated to perform
    *Romeo and Juliet at the culture festival,
SIGN    DRAMATIS PERSONAE AND CAST
    
    
    
    
    
    Tanuki Mikio
    
    
    
    
    ROMEO Uto Keiya
    
    
    
    
    
    
    JULIET Senagaki Isaku
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    TYBALT
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    HOUSE OF MONTAGUE

SIGN    —————
[16:20] Isaku
    with some bizarre casting.
[16:24] Mikio
    Beauty too rich for use!
[16:27] Isaku
    Who are you?
[16:28] Mikio
    Touching hers, I'll make
    blessèd my rude hand!
[16:32] Keiya
    You mustn't!
[16:35] Isaku
    Keiya?
[16:36] Mikio
    What's your problem, overprotective old man?
[16:40] Keiya
    Keep your rude hand away
    from Isa—no, Juliet.
[16:44] Keiya
    She belongs to me.
[16:46] Katsuki
    Tybalt, you came in early.
[16:49] Ando
    And those lines don't exist.
[16:51] Keiya
    In the duel scene,
[16:53] Keiya
    I think we should use real
    swords for extra impact.
[16:58] Katsuki
    How would we even get real swords?
[17:01] Keiya
    Oh, I could bring my—
[17:04] Isaku
    Time out!
[17:05] Mikio
    Tee hee.
[17:09] Isaku
    Seriously?
[17:10] Keiya
    I absolutely won't allow a love
    scene between you and Mikio-san.
[17:14] Isaku
    Well, you lost at rock-paper-scissors.
[17:18] Isaku
    You lost, so accept the loss,
[17:21] Isaku
    and just concentrate on
    making the play a success.
[17:25] Keiya
    Could you not say "lost" so many times?
[17:29] Isaku
    Go back inside.
[17:37] Isaku
    I know this isn't Keiya's fault, but...
[17:41] Isaku
    I wanted to play Keiya's lover.
[17:46] Katsuki
    Isaku-chan.
[17:47] Katsuki
    I'm sorry this got weird.
[17:49] Isaku
    Huh?
[17:50] Katsuki
    See, we suggested this play to get
    things moving between you and Uto-kun.
[17:56] Ando
    But things took a turn
    we didn't anticipate.
[18:00] Isaku
    Oh, so that's what happened.
[18:04] Isaku
    They were trying to help me.
[18:08] Isaku
    Thank you.
[18:10] Isaku
    This is a chance for me to try
    something new, so I'll give it my best!
[18:21] Isaku
    O... Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
[18:30] Isaku
    How was that?
[18:31] Mikio; Katsuki; Ando
    Shockingly stiff.
[18:35] Isaku
    Sorry we had to stay late.
[18:38] Mikio
    I'm thinking you just don't love me enough.
[18:42] Isaku
    Why did you want to play Romeo?
[18:45] Mikio
    Because I wanted to get
    closer to you, Isaku-chan.
[18:50] Isaku
    You're a bad liar.
[18:51] Mikio
    You know how pissed Kei-chan
    gets when I mess with you.
[18:56] Mikio
    It's funny.
[18:59] Mikio
    And I'm sure the fact that he has to tread
    lightly with me makes him extra pissed.
[19:06] Isaku
    What is this guy thinking?
[19:10] Mikio
    I'm bored. Grandpa monitors me 24-7.
[19:16] Isaku
    Do you live with your grandfather?
[19:19] Mikio
    Yeah, since before high school started.
[19:21] Mikio
    My folks apparently couldn't handle me,
    so they tossed me in Grandpa Jail.
[19:26] Isaku
    What the heck did you do?
[19:28] Mikio
    Lotsa things.
[19:30] Mikio
    Being with you two oughta
    help with the boredom.
[19:34] Isaku
    He pisses me off.
[19:37] Isaku
    All I want is a peaceful school life!
[19:48] Sato
    Tanuki-kun and Senagaki-san
    would be good together, huh?
[19:48] Isaku
    Stop it!
[19:51] Satonaka
    What? But Senagaki-san has Uto-kun.
[19:59] Mikio
    Night! See you tomorrow!
[20:02] Keiya
    Thank you for your work.
[20:06] Keiya
    Thanks for yours too, Isaku-san.
[20:09] Isaku
    We're the last ones here.
[20:11] Keiya
    Let's lock the windows and go home.
[20:14] Isaku
    Okay.
[20:18] Keiya
    Your acting was shockingly stiff.
[20:22] Isaku
    I'm better than I was at first.
[20:24] Keiya
    Are you sure?
[20:26] Isaku
    I got detailed notes.
[20:28] Isaku
    Watch this.
[20:31] Isaku
    Palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.
[20:39] Isaku
    Don't laugh!
[20:51] Keiya
    O then, dear saint...
[20:59] Keiya
    let lips do what hands do.
[21:20] Keiya
    Aren't I better at this than Mikio-san?
[21:25] Isaku
    I thought he was really going to kiss me.
[21:32] Isaku
    Why do you have Romeo's lines memorized?
[21:36] Keiya
    I remember them because I wanted to play him.
[21:39] Keiya
    If you're trying your best for the culture
    festival, I'll do my best not to interfere.
[21:46] Isaku
    What would've happened if he had kissed me?
[21:54] Mikio
    My, my!
[21:57] Mikio
    I come back to get my phone,
    and look what I see!
[22:02] Mikio
    Am I interruptin'?
SIGN    EPISODE 8
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    CHEAP THEATRICS
     AND MELODRAMA