E1 - Familia

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:06] Hayato
    It's been three years, huh?
[00:11] Hayato
    Damn that old hag...
[00:14] Hayato
    So she finally kicked the bucket.
[00:19] Hayato
    The place looks as shabby as ever.
[00:24] Hayato
    It'd be more profitable to tear the
    place down than to sell it.
[00:38] Hayato
    Still...
[00:40] Hayato
    Where do I even get started?
[00:46] Ouka
    Ami-chan! You're done
    with club practice already?
[00:50] Ouka
    I'm doing the laundry, so if you...
    have anything, bring it... to...
[00:56] Hayato
    Huh?
[00:57] Ouka
    Huh?
[01:05] Ami
    I'm home, Ouka-san!
[01:07] Ami
    Club's over for the day!
[01:09] Ami
    I'm soaked with sweat all the way
    down to my underwear,
[01:12] Ami
    so can you... wash... them... with...
[01:20] Hayato
    Wait, wait!
[01:21] Hayato
    What the hell?!
[01:23] Hayato
    Wh-Why are there two naked women in my house?!
[01:29] Hayato
    Make that three!
[01:33] Hayato
    No, four?!
[01:38] Hayato
    Who even sleeps like that?!
[01:40] Hayato
    Why are there five of them?!
    That's too damn many!
[01:46] Ami
    You!
[01:48] Ami
    You're a burglar, aren't you?!
[01:50] Hayato
    Wai—
[01:55] Ami
    Yah!
[01:56] Ouka
    Nice, Ami-chan! The karate club's paying off!
[02:00] Hayato
    It's said that there are goddesses
[02:04] Hayato
    living in an old coffee shop
    on a beach somewhere.
[02:16] Five
    Come on in!
[02:18] Five
    Welcome to Café Terrace Familia!
SIGN    The Café Terrace and Its Goddesses
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
[03:53] Ouka
    Sorry about that.
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
SIGN    Episode 1: "Familia"
[03:54] Ouka
    Looks like we had the wrong idea.
[03:57] Hayato
    If you're really sorry...
[04:00] Hayato
    Then untie me and look me in
    the face when you apologize!
[04:03] Ouka
    Hmph! You still saw us naked!
[04:05] Ami
    Sorry I kicked you so hard.
[04:08] Riho
    Ah?
[04:09] Riho
    So you're Kasukabe Hayato-kun, then?
[04:12] Riho
    Your grandma told us about you.
[04:14] Riho
    She said she had a grandson
    who got into Tokyo U.
[04:17] Riho
    That's impressive!
[04:19] Hayato
    Forget that! Who the hell are you people?!
[04:21] Hayato
    And what are you doing in my house?
[04:24] Hayato
    What's your relationship with that old hag?
[04:27] Shiragiku
    Um...
[04:28] Shiragiku
    We're... her family.
[04:33] Hayato
    Uh, no, we're a family of two!
[04:35] Hayato
    Actually, it's down to
    one now, and that's me!
[04:38] Akane
    She told us to think of her as family.
[04:42] Hayato
    Huh?
[04:43] Akane
    We've been working
    part-time here since last year.
[04:47] Akane
    She said we could live here,
    since it had plenty of unused rooms.
SIGN    Devoted Member of Jouun Temple
[05:00] Ami
    Which means we have the right to live here!
[05:03] Ouka
    What she said.
[05:05] Ouka
    Why don't you just go back to Tokyo already?
[05:07] Hayato
    "The right to live here"?
    You're total strangers.
[05:11] Hayato
    In that case, I have the right
    to kick you out of here.
[05:15] Ouka
    Who do you think you are?
[05:16] Ouka
    You left your grandma here on her own
    for three whole years!
[05:21] Ouka
    We were the ones who paid for her funeral!
[05:24] Hayato
    Well...
[05:26] Hayato
    I got into a fight with her
    before I started high school,
[05:30] Hayato
    so I didn't know she'd died
    until the authorities called me.
SIGN    Devoted Member of Jouun Temple
[05:35] Ouka
    Poor Grandma!
[05:37] Ouka
    She'll never be able to pass on in peace
    with a heartless grandson like you.
[05:41] Hayato
    I'll pay you back for the funeral.
[05:44] Hayato
    So just untie me already!
[05:48] Hayato
    Then get out of here!
[05:50] Hayato
    This is my house!
[05:57] Riho
    Well, what do we do now?
[06:01] Riho
    He's gonna try to kick us out.
[06:05] Shiragiku
    I don't know what we can do...
[06:07] Ouka
    I don't see why we can't just
    ignore him and keep living there.
[06:11] Hayato
    I'm the one with rights here! Get out!
[06:13] Shiragiku
    I don't know about that.
[06:16] Shiragiku
    It's not really our house, after all.
[06:20] (Flashback) Hayato
    I'm having the house and the café
    demolished to build a parking lot.
[06:24] (Flashback) Hayato
    I've already lined up someone to do it.
[06:26] (Flashback) Hayato
    This beach gets a lot of visitors
    in summer, after all.
[06:29] (Flashback) Hayato
    Charging them to park might be good business.
[06:32] Ouka
    He's obsessed with money!
[06:34] Ouka
    Is he really that sweet old lady's grandson?!
[06:37] Riho
    Cut that out. People are looking at us.
[06:41] Akane
    It would suck to be told
    we have to leave right away.
[06:45] Akane
    Tickets for our concert
    haven't really moved yet.
[06:47] Riho
    And I don't have the money to move!
[06:51] Riho
    I mean, I'm already struggling
    with day-to-day funds!
[06:54] Shiragiku
    What should we do?
[06:58] Shiragiku
    What is it, Ami-san?
[07:02] Ami
    I was too focused on stopping him when
    I thought he was a burglar to notice,
[07:09] Ami
    but now that I think about it...
[07:12] Ami
    I'm the only one he saw totally naked!
[07:14] Ami
    And I gave him a full-frontal view
    with that roundhouse kick!
[07:17] Ouka
    Now you realize?!
[07:18] Shiragiku
    And he saw me changing...
[07:21] Riho
    Well, he saw me, too!
[07:24] Riho
    Now that I think about it...
[07:26] Riho
    With five girls as cute as us...
[07:29] Riho
    Well, there are always options.
[07:30] Shiragiku
    Huh?
[07:31] Riho
    No matter how tough they act,
[07:33] Riho
    guys have pervy stuff
    on their minds all the time.
[07:36] Riho
    They're nothing but apes.
[07:38] Hayato
    Ook, ook!
[07:39] Hayato
    Damn it... What's with them?
[07:42] Hayato
    Is that any way to treat
    the owner of this house?
[07:45] Hayato
    Well, in any case,
    I will kick them out of here.
[07:49] Hayato
    This is my house... after all...
[07:54] (Flashback) Hayato
    Stupid old hag! I'm never
    coming back to this shabby house!
[07:58] (Flashback) Sachiko
    Oh, really? Have it your way.
[08:03] Hayato
    What were we even arguing about, anyway?
[08:08] Ouka
    Hey, um...
[08:10] Ouka
    I was thinking about making dinner.
[08:13] Ouka
    Would you like to eat with us...
[08:16] Ouka
    M-Master?
[08:20] Hayato
    Huh?
[08:25] (Flashback) Riho
    We'll start with a light jab in the
    form of Ouka-chan in maid garb.
[08:28] (Flashback) Ouka
    M-Me?!
[08:30] (Flashback) Riho
    That'll tell us just how much
    of a virgin loser he is.
[08:35] (Flashback) Riho
    We're counting on you, Ouka-chan.
[08:41] Hayato
    Just so you know, sucking up to me
    won't change my mind.
[08:46] Ouka
    Oh, come on! That's not what this is!
[08:49] Hayato
    Also, do you always dress
    like that to make dinner?
[08:54] Ouka
    Like hel—
[08:57] Ouka
    O-Of course I don't!
[09:00] Ouka
    I wanted to put in
    my best effort for you, Master!
[09:04] Hayato
    Okay, fine. If you're gonna
    cook it, I'll pay you.
[09:08] Ouka
    Okay, I'll make pilaf—
[09:10] Hayato
    Fried chicken.
[09:13] Ouka
    Huh? But pilaf is all I know how to—
[09:15] Hayato
    Fried chicken.
[09:21] Ouka
    I burned it just a tiny bit, but...
[09:25] Hayato
    Fried chicken costs about 50 yen to make
    three pieces, so 200 yen to make twelve.
SIGN    50 yen x 4 = 200 yen
[09:29] Hayato
    Assume a restaurant sells six for 600 yen,
    then double that to get 1,200 yen.
SIGN    600 yen x 2 = 1,200 yen
SIGN    1,200 yen - 200 yen = 1,000 yen
[09:34] Hayato
    That's 1,000 yen worth of profit,
[09:36] Hayato
    which you just spent an hour
    throwing into the gutter.
[09:41] Ouka
    Riho-san! I didn't get any of that,
    but I think he was just really mean to me!
[09:46] Riho
    I see. So you're more than just
    a late-blooming virgin loser.
[09:50] Riho
    Okay. Ami-chan, you're next.
[09:52] Ami
    Right!
[09:54] Ami
    Join me on an evening run
[09:56] Ami
    to strengthen our relationship,
[09:58] Ami
    Hayacchi!
[10:00] Hayato
    "Hayacchi"?
[10:02] Ami
    Yes! "Hayacchi" because you're "Hayato"!
    It works, right?!
[10:06] Hayato
    Never call me that again.
[10:09] Hayato
    Also, are you really going outside
    dressed like that?
[10:14] Ami
    Huh?
[10:17] Ami
    I can't! No way, no way, no way!
[10:22] Riho?
    It's black as night!
[10:24] Ouka
    Well, chicken has to be thoroughly cooked!
[10:26] Shiragiku
    You made a delicious meal.
[10:28] Ouka
    Yeah, but...
[10:29] Ouka
    This one looks okay.
[10:34] Ouka
    Ugh, bitter!
[10:36] Ami
    Yeah, no kidding.
[10:37] Riho
    What the heck are you wearing,
    anyway, Ouka-chan? It's hilarious!
[10:41] Ouka
    What?! You're the one
    who told me to wear this!
[10:44] Shiragiku
    It looks great on you. You look adorable!
[10:47] Riho
    Yeah! Super cute!
[10:49] Ouka
    Why'd you have to make
    that sound so offhanded?!
[10:53] Riho
    Master dear, the bath is ready.
[10:57] Riho
    Please help yourself.
SIGN    Ami
[11:04] Hayato
    I promise I'll get into Tokyo U, Grandma!
[11:09] (Flashback) Hayato
    Then I'll get a good job, get rich,
[11:12] (Flashback) Hayato
    and work some dumb shitbags to the bone!
[11:15] (Flashback) Sachiko
    Stop talking nonsense.
[11:18] (Flashback) Sachiko
    I think people who do things
    like that are the shitbags.
[11:23] (Flashback) Hayato
    What? Why?
[11:25] (Flashback) Hayato
    Don't you want to be rich?
[11:28] (Flashback) Sachiko
    Just a little money is all I need.
[11:33] Hayato
    Why'd I have to run my mouth
    like some two-bit side character?
[11:40] Hayato
    Something's weird.
[11:44] Riho
    Master, allow us to wash your back.
[11:49] Hayato
    And here I was sure they'd try a
     stupid honey trap like that...
[12:01] Hayato
    The door to the café's open.
[12:07] Hayato
    Hey, anyone here?
[12:14] Hayato
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[12:16] Hayato
    Smoking isn't allowed in this café!
[12:21] Akane
    Want one?
SIGN    Chocolate
[12:24] Akane
    They're chocolate, though.
[12:26] Hayato
    Huh?
[12:27] Akane
    I come in here to write songs for my band.
[12:31] Akane
    It's quiet, so I can focus.
[12:34] Akane
    Anyway, no smoking allowed
    in a shop you're shutting down?
[12:37] Akane
    Very upright of you.
[12:45] Akane
    Aw...
[12:48] Akane
    That was a pretty cute expression.
[12:53] Riho
    I bet he dropped his guard
    after that uneventful bath.
[13:01] Riho
    This is the one trick
    I didn't want to resort to...
[13:04] Riho
    But we can't afford to hold back anymore.
[13:14] Riho
    I never let you go
[13:15] Riho
    to college drinking parties
    because it's too dangerous...
[13:20] Riho
    Sorry, though. Go be our
    sacrificial lamb, Kiku-chan.
[13:33] Shiragiku
    It smells like a man in here!
[13:37] Hayato
    H-Hey, what are you doing here?
[13:40] Shiragiku
    What's this?
[13:42] Hayato
    Whoa, wha—
[13:45] Shiragiku
    You don't have much of a smell
    yourself, though, Hayato-kun.
[13:49] Hayato
    You reek of booze!
[13:51] Shiragiku
    Rats. You just had to go and take that bath.
[13:56] Shiragiku
    Well, no matter.
[13:58] Shiragiku
    I'm sure working up a good sweat
    will bring that musk back!
[14:05] Hayato
    Hey, you idiot! Stop!
[14:07] Riho
    Give Kiku-chan just
    the tiniest bit of liquor,
[14:11] Riho
    and she turns into a shameless lecher.
[14:15] Riho
    And one with an extreme smell fetish to boot!
[14:20] Riho
    Time to show us your true colors,
    Kasukabe Hayato!
[14:25] Shiragiku
    I've been into you
    for a long time, Hayato-kun.
[14:30] Hayato
    Y-You liar!
[14:32] Hayato
    We just met today!
[14:35] Riho
    There's no man alive who can
    turn down those giant boobs.
[14:41] Riho
    I'll capture the moment
    you get excited on video,
[14:46] Riho
    and I'll blackmail you with it
    to make sure you can't kick us out...
[14:51] Riho
    Huh?
[14:52] Shiragiku
    Hayato-kun...
[14:59] Ami
    What are you doing,
[15:00] Ami
    Hayacchi?!
[15:02] Hayato
    Whoa, hang on! I didn't do anything!
[15:05] Ami
    Shut up!
[15:08] Riho
    Wait, Ami-chan!
    Do you realize what you're doing?!
[15:12] Ami
    World peace, and all the girls in this house,
[15:15] Ami
    are under my protection!
[15:17] Riho
    You idiot!
[15:22] Hayato
    What is this?
[15:25] Ami
    What does it look like? It's breakfast!
[15:28] Ami
    Shiragiku-san made it,
    so it's fine this time!
[15:31] Shiragiku
    Oh, come on.
[15:33] Shiragiku
    It might not be as good as Grandma's cooking,
[15:37] Shiragiku
    but I hope you like it.
[15:39] Hayato
    You don't... remember?
[15:42] Shiragiku
    Huh? Remember what?
[15:45] Hayato
    Nothing. If you don't remember,
    it doesn't matter.
[15:48] Ami
    Oh, yeah! Hayacchi!
[15:50] Ami
    Sorry for ruining that
    perfect plan last night!
[15:56] Hayato
    Am I the one you should be apologizing to?
[16:00] Ami
    Riho-san already chewed me out for it!
[16:03] Hayato
    Don't tell me.
    You're not too bright, are you?
[16:06] Ami
    Huh?
[16:07] Ami
    Well, kinda!
[16:10] Ami
    Wait, what?!
[16:14] Shiragiku
    Who could that be, so early in the morning?
[16:21] Demo Man1
    This place is pretty big.
[16:24] Demo Man1
    We'll probably need two machines.
[16:27] Demo Man2
    You want to demolish the café as well, right?
[16:31] Hayato
    Yes.
[16:32] Demo Man2
    Then we'll need you to show us that
    after we take a look upstairs.
[16:36] Hayato
    All right.
[16:36] Ami
    They're really going to
    tear the house down...
[16:39] Ouka
    Looks like it.
[16:43] Demo Man2
    Looks like it'll come to around this much.
[16:46] Demo Man2
    I'll be in touch as soon as we have
    a more specific estimate.
[16:49] Hayato
    I appreciate it.
[16:51] Riho
    It's up to us to stand firm now!
[16:54] Riho
    Kill him and bury him somewhere, Ami-chan!
[16:57] Ami
    Right. It's our only choice.
[17:01] Shiragiku
    Come on. Stop being ridiculous, you two.
[17:04] Demo Man1
    I'd say you're right to give up
    on this place, though.
[17:09] Demo Man1
    A parking lot is gonna be way more
    profitable than a coffee shop.
[17:15] Demo Man1
    Huh? It's... kinda loose...
[17:18] Demo Man1
    Oh, crap!
[17:21] Shiragiku
    The store sign...
[17:23] Demo Man2
    Hey, what do you think you're doing?
[17:25] Demo Man1
    S-Sorry about that.
[17:31] (Flashback) Sachiko
    There, it's done.
[17:33] (Flashback) Sachiko
    Now we can open up the café tomorrow.
[17:37] (Flashback) Hayato
    What does it say? Is that English?
[17:40] (Flashback) Sachiko
    It says "familia."
[17:42] (Flashback) Sachiko
    That's Spanish for "family."
[17:45] (Flashback) Sachiko
    All of our customers at this café
    will be our familia,
[17:49] (Flashback) Sachiko
    meaning they'll be part of
    the Kasukabe family.
[17:52] (Flashback) Hayato
    Family?
[17:55] Hayato
    Family...
[17:58] Demo Man1
    But hey, we're tearing it down anyway.
[18:01] Demo Man1
    It's fine, right? I'll go ahead
    and scrap this for you.
[18:05] Demo Man1
    Huh?
[18:07] Demo Man1
    Wh-What is it?
[18:11] Demo Man1
    Do you... want this?
[18:14] Hayato
    Y-Yes... If I can have it.
[18:18] Demo Man1
    Okay, here you go.
[18:20] Shiragiku
    What was that about?
[18:20] Demo Man2
    We'll be going, then.
[18:22] Shiragiku
    Does he not want to tear it down?
[18:22] Demo Man1
    Bye, now.
[18:24] Ouka
    I dunno...
[18:25] Ouka
    I thought he didn't care
    about Grandma's café, but...
[18:31] Akane
    Looks like you're up now, Ouka.
[18:33] Ouka
    Huh?
[18:35] Akane
    Make that pilaf.
[18:41] (Flashback) WomanA
    Apparently her son and his wife
    died in a car accident.
[18:45] (Flashback) WomanB
    And she's taking in her grandson
    to raise as her own.
[18:48] (Flashback) Woman
    Oh, dear... I bet that'll be rough.
[18:58] Ouka
    It's pilaf for dinner, Master.
[19:02] Hayato
    Huh? Where's this coming from?
[19:05] Hayato
    If you made it, I don't want it.
[19:07] Ouka
    It's the only dish Grandma
    taught me how to make.
[19:14] Ouka
    If you don't want it, just throw it out.
[19:18] Ouka
    She said it was her grandson's favorite,
[19:20] Ouka
    so she wanted me to make it for him
    if anything happened to her.
[19:26] Ouka
    Bye.
[19:33] Hayato
    The old hag's pilaf, huh?
[19:37] Hayato
    No wonder it looks...
[19:39] Hayato
    so plebeian.
[19:42] (Flashback) Sachiko
    I'm sorry! I'm truly sorry!
[19:46] (Flashback) Fuwa
    I told you that old people can't run cafés.
[19:51] (Flashback) Fuwa
    Just sell this dumb place already.
[19:54] (Flashback) Sachiko
    I promise I'll repay what I borrowed
    from you by next month!
[20:04] Hayato
    Damn it, what the hell?
[20:06] Hayato
    Who does she think I got into Tokyo U for?
[20:11] Hayato
    I was going to show up all those jerks
    who looked down on my grandma...
[20:16] Hayato
    Damn it!
[20:19] Ouka
    Maybe he's not as cold-hearted as I thought.
[20:27] Ouka
    Hey, you're doing the dishes for me?
[20:30] Hayato
    I used them, so I'll clean them.
[20:32] Ouka
    Oh, you ate it, then? I'm so glad!
[20:36] Ouka
    How was it?
[20:37] Hayato
    Normal, I guess.
[20:38] Ouka
    Huh?! What do you mean, "normal"?!
[20:41] Hayato
    Can I ask you something?
[20:43] Ouka
    Huh?
[20:44] Hayato
    Did my grandma always
    eat dinner with you guys
[20:46] Hayato
    the way we all ate together last night?
[20:52] Ouka
    Well, yeah. We always ate
    and laughed together.
[20:57] Hayato
    What was she like just before she died, then?
[21:00] Ouka
    Huh?
[21:02] Ouka
    She said she was tired from laughing,
    so she was going to lie down.
[21:06] Ouka
    I thought she'd fallen asleep
    under the kotatsu,
[21:09] Ouka
    but when I tried to wake her up... she was...
[21:15] Hayato
    I see.
[21:17] Hayato
    I'm glad, then.
[21:19] Ouka
    Glad?
[21:22] Hayato
    Because Grandma...
[21:24] Hayato
    passed away laughing and having fun
    with her family, right?
[21:33] Hayato
    All right! Bring me the
    café's account ledgers!
[21:36] Ouka
    Huh?
SIGN    Familia Proceeds
    2017
[21:39] Hayato
    Old hag...
[21:42] Hayato
    These are almost all deficits!
[21:44] Hayato
    I'm amazed the café didn't go under sooner.
[21:47] Hayato
    It went over budget because
    all five of you were working here!
[21:52] Ouka
    Wh-What are you getting all testy for?!
[21:55] Ouka
    What do you expect to get
    out of looking at the ledgers now?
[21:59] Hayato
    I'm going to do it.
[22:01] Hayato
    I'll run this café in Grandma's place!
[22:06] Ouka
    Y-You're gonna run the café?!
[22:08] Shiragiku
    B-But, Hayato-kun, what about Tokyo U?
[22:11] Hayato
    I decided to just pay my tuition
    and take the year off.
[22:15] Hayato
    After that, if I don't get results,
[22:17] Hayato
    I'll turn this place
    into a parking lot for real.
[22:19] Ouka
    Hang on a minute!
[22:21] Ouka
    Does that mean you'll be living with us?
[22:24] Hayato
    Well, I mean, this is my house to begin with.
[22:27] Hayato
    If you don't like it, move out.
[22:29] Ouka
    You despot!
[22:31] Hayato
    No kidding. I am the master of this house.
[22:34] Ami
    Okay! I'll stay here, then!
[22:37] Ouka
    Ami-chan?!
[22:38] Ami
    Well, moving is just a major pain.
[22:43] Riho
    Okay, fine. We can just think of it
    as a share house.
[22:47] Riho
    I'll stay, too.
[22:48] Ouka
    Y-You too, Riho-san?
[22:50] Shiragiku
    Um...
[22:51] Shiragiku
    What about you, Akane-san?
[22:53] Akane
    Me?
[22:54] Akane
    Not like there's really a choice.
    I'm broke, anyway.
[22:59] Shiragiku
    Then... I guess I'll stay, too.
[23:02] Shiragiku
    With five of us here, we should be okay,
    even if there's a guy with us.
[23:07] Ouka
    Why are you counting me in this?!
[23:09] Shiragiku
    S-Sorry!
[23:11] Ami
    So what're you gonna do, Ouka-san?
[23:16] Ouka
    I-I'll stay. What choice do I have?
[23:20] Hayato
    Will these five be the goddesses of
    good fortune who save this café,
[23:24] Hayato
    or the devils of poverty that sink it?
[23:28] Hayato
    Either way, I've gotten tangled up
    with some real pains in the rear.
[23:35] Five
    We look forward to living with you, Master!
SIGN    Episode 2: "A Promise with Grandma"
[23:42] Hayato
    You're the goddesses?
    Was the title just a scam?
[23:45] Ouka
    What should it have been, then?
[23:46] Hayato
    "It's said that there are devils
[23:49] Hayato
    living in an old coffee shop
    on a beach somewhere."
[23:51] Ouka
    Welcome...
[23:53] Hayato
    The Café Terrace
    and Its Devils.
[23:54] Ouka
    No one's gonna watch that!