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E9 - WAZAMONOGATARI Acerola Bon Appétit Part Two

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] OS
    OFF SEASON BROADCAST NUMBER EIGHT
[00:00] OS
    WAZAMONOGATARI EPISODE ZERO
    ACEROLA BON APPÉTIT, PART TWO
[00:07] ---
    And so, I'd like to get some
    ideas from you, Tropicalesque.
[00:12] ---
    To begin with, what has been cast onto
    the Beautiful Princess cannot be called a curse.
[00:18] ---
    It's not a curse?
[00:20] ---
    She has been given a blessing.
[00:24] ---
    Her beauty that enchants
    everyone around her is innate.
[00:29] ---
    Said beauty was simply made visible.
[00:34] ---
    Made visible, you say?
[00:36] ---
    I will not object any further.
[00:38] ---
    But I believe she is not an opponent
    to face with an empty stomach.
[00:42] ---
    I have already decided upon that.
[00:44] ---
    That woman is the first thing
    going into my empty stomach.
[00:50] ---
    Understood.
[00:52] ---
    Then I will do some research
    on whether or not there is a way.
[01:03] ---
    However, I was rash
    twice more afterwards.

[01:07] ---
    I jumped at the Beautiful Princess
    and lost my life.

[01:13] ---
    True to my name of "Suicide-Master."
[01:24] ---
    It is painfully obvious after five deaths.
[01:27] ---
    Preparation of this raw material
    requires a more drastic approach.

[01:33] ---
    What I need to do
    is change the way I think.

[01:37] ---
    And thus, Princess Acerola, I will have you
    change the way you think as well.
[01:43] ---
    That means, for you to eat me,
[01:48] ---
    I myself need to change
    how I think, Suicide-Master?
[01:54] ---
    The current situation you are in
[01:57] ---
    seems to stem more from
    your own beauty than the witch's curse.
[02:03] ---
    If so, countermeasures need to be taken
    not against the witch, but your own beauty.
[02:11] ---
    In other words,
[02:13] ---
    you simply must not be so beautiful.
    That's what I'm saying.
[02:19] ---
    You can pretend that such is the case.
[02:23] ---
    Pretend?
[02:26] ---
    Simply put, pretend to be an evil person.
[02:32] ---
    Act tough.
[02:41] ---
    How you look now already isn't cutting it.
[02:44] ---
    From now on, cross your arms
    when you're deep in thought.
[02:49] ---
    C-Cross my arms?
[02:52] ---
    From now on, I will provide dresses
    that have gaudier designs.
[02:57] ---
    And you shall eat your meals
    with your bare hands, straight from the plate.
[03:00] ---
    W-With my bare hands?
[03:03] ---
    H-However, Suicide-Master, I...
[03:07] ---
    And stop using that particular way
    of saying "I," Princess Acerola.
[03:12] ---
    From now on, refer to yourself
    with a more haughty "I."
[03:15] ---
    A haughty "I"?
[03:23] ---
    I understand.
[03:24] ---
    No, I get it.
[03:27] ---
    From now on, I...
[03:29] ---
    No, I shall try my best to look vulgar
    in my behavior.
[03:35] ---
    I will.
[03:37] ---
    It may be better to change your name from
    the elegant and cute "Princess Acerola" as well.
[03:44] ---
    It seems you're not too particular about it.
[03:49] ---
    Perhaps I should think of a more suitable name
    for this menu item.

[03:57] ---
    Against the Beautiful Princess who was cursed
    to not be constrained by superficial beauty,

[03:57] OS
    CURSE
    CURSE
    CURSE
[04:03] ---
    you set up a superficial ugliness.
[04:06] ---
    When you get to that level it becomes
    a type of satire instead of a mere paradox.

[04:17] ---
    Suicide-Master?
[04:22] ---
    It seems I have died yet again.
[04:25] ---
    I casually starved to death.
[04:27] ---
    It cannot be...
[04:29] ---
    You surely have not been starving to death
    without me noticing, have you?
[04:33] ---
    Rather, Tropicalesque, have you
    any results from your information gathering?
[04:39] ---
    No, I apologize, Suicide-Master.
[04:42] ---
    After all, all civilians in the kingdom
    have perished.
[04:46] ---
    From hereon, I plan to extend
[04:48] ---
    the range of information gathering
    to beyond the kingdom as well.
[04:52] ---
    I even have foolish thoughts
    to visit the Beautiful Princess's homeland.
[05:24] ---
    S-Suicide-Master?
[05:26] ---
    Are you an idiot?
[05:28] ---
    Why, after all this time, would you suddenly
    throw away your life so easily?
[05:32] ---
    You misunderstand, Suicide-Master.
[05:35] ---
    No...
[05:36] ---
    You have it wrong, Suicide-Master.
[05:39] ---
    I, er, I did not mean to kill myself
    or anything. I didn't.
[05:45] ---
    But if I were to gouge out
    one eye like that, um...
[05:50] ---
    Yes. I'd look like a pirate
    and become more prestigious, so...
[05:56] ---
    Never do that again.
[05:58] ---
    I acknowledge your effort,
    but it's a little off the mark.
[06:02] ---
    Wh-Why is that?
[06:04] ---
    Whether you want to be more prestigious
    or want to bluff more,
[06:07] ---
    it's still all fake
    so you should still be pretending.
[06:12] ---
    Why are you actually
    wounding yourself?
[06:15] ---
    You'd be doing the same thing as all the humans
    who offered their lives to you.
[06:20] ---
    For you to no longer be the Beautiful Princess,
    you cannot sacrifice anything.
[06:26] ---
    Otherwise, you'd be doing the same thing
    by solving the problem by dying.
[06:30] ---
    You're right.
[06:32] ---
    It's exactly like you say.
[06:34] ---
    I apologize, Suicide-Master.
[06:37] ---
    I regret my actions,
    and I ask for your forgiveness.
[06:43] ---
    Your speech is violent.
    That is, it's not violent at all.
[06:49] ---
    Right.
[06:50] ---
    That's right.
[06:52] ---
    Sorry, Suicide-Master.
[06:56] ---
    It's messy but still orderly.
[06:59] ---
    You can't hide the aesthetic sense
    of the artist.

[07:03] OS
    SHE STILL HAS A LONG WAY TO GO
[07:06] ---
    Wh-What is so funny?
[07:09] ---
    Oh, nothing.
    I was just showing you an example.
[07:13] ---
    An example of a prestigious,
    handsome way to laugh, that is.
[07:19] ---
    Have you never laughed in your life?
[07:22] ---
    If I haphazardly laugh,
    an entire nation would fall to ruin.
[07:26] ---
    Then Princess Acerola, from now on,
    you can laugh like how I just showed you.
[07:36] ---
    That "kah kah" sounding laugh?
    Er, that laugh?
[07:39] ---
    That's right. Like this.
[07:46] ---
    That's good enough.
    Nobody will die from that smile.
[07:51] ---
    Thank you very much.
[07:53] ---
    Wait... Yes, indeed.
[08:05] ---
    Ouch.
[08:11] OS
    BURN NORMAL NORMAL
[08:11] ---
    Despite me having to, I shoved Princess Acerola,
    yet not even one scratch?

[08:13] OS
    NORMAL NORMAL
[08:27] ---
    It seems I have died yet again.
[08:30] ---
    How many times have you died
    out of my sight?
[08:35] ---
    I cannot give up now.
[08:37] ---
    I just need to hold out a little longer,
    and then I can enjoy an exquisite meal.
[08:43] ---
    If I may be so humble.
[08:45] ---
    Master, have you grown an attachment
    to that human while you've been taking care of her?
[08:51] ---
    What do you mean?
[08:53] ---
    I am asking you if you intend
[08:55] ---
    on keeping the Beautiful Princess around here
    at Corpse Castle as a pet forever.
[09:01] ---
    Please tell me that you are not.
[09:05] ---
    That doesn't matter.
    Hurry up and give me the report.
[09:10] ---
    I don't have any results.
[09:13] ---
    As I mentioned before,
    I went past the border
[09:16] ---
    and traveled to the Beautiful Princess's
    homeland as well.
[09:20] ---
    But there was no measures I could take.
    I could barely collect any rumors.
[09:26] ---
    You said "barely."
[09:28] ---
    Does that not mean that
    you learned at least something?
[09:32] ---
    Well, just a little.
[09:35] ---
    But it's nothing more than a fairy tale too silly
    to take the time to report to you.
[09:40] ---
    A fairy tale? That's perfectly fine.
[09:44] ---
    The Beautiful Princess was a fairy tale.
    Go ahead and tell me.
[09:48] ---
    It wasn't one fairy tale in particular.
[09:51] ---
    Merely a commonplace legend
    in human society.
[09:56] ---
    It seems to have been determined
    from the past
[09:59] ---
    that the only way to lift a curse
    from a princess is the kiss from a prince.
[10:08] ---
    What Tropicalesque pointed out
    isn't completely off the mark.

[10:12] ---
    But for now, I need to keep different
    possibilities open, including my own feelings.

[10:19] ---
    But at least...
[10:21] ---
    It's a good time for me to decide
    what her new name will be.

[10:27] ---
    For that woman, who has a beautiful, gleaming heart
    like a sword from the Orient,

[10:34] ---
    what kind of name would be suitable?
[10:38] ---
    Oh, that's right.
[10:40] ---
    A kiss lifting a curse
    is still preposterous to think of,

[10:45] ---
    but as a superstition,
    or to ward off evil,

[10:49] ---
    it might be a good thing
    to keep that word somewhere in there.

[11:02] ---
    It seems I have died yet again.
[11:05] ---
    I starved to death.
[11:07] ---
    As usual, I don't remember much
    when I died,

[11:10] ---
    but it feels like I've been dying of starvation
    twice or thrice a night as of late.

[11:43] OS
    DEVIL
[11:43] OS
    PRINCESS
[11:43] OS
    TROPICALESQUE HOME-AWAVE DOGSTRINGS
[11:46] ---
    Suicide-Master.
[11:49] ---
    You don't need to say anything.
[11:51] ---
    He will come back to life, right?
    Because he is a vampire, just like you.
[11:58] ---
    This individual will soon
    come back to life, right?
[12:04] ---
    He's not a vampire like me.
[12:07] ---
    He used to be human.
[12:09] ---
    His vitality and regeneration
    is still a far cry from my level.
[12:14] ---
    That cannot be...
[12:16] ---
    Suicide-Master.
[12:18] ---
    Does that mean if you keep dying,
    you will eventually die for good?
[12:23] ---
    Yeah. It's not like
    I can keep dying infinitely.
[12:28] ---
    I will leave, then.
[12:29] ---
    Wait. It's only natural
    to risk my life for meals.
[12:33] ---
    And it's not your fault
    that Tropicalesque died.
[12:37] ---
    That's not true. If I had not come here,
    this individual would not have died.
[12:44] ---
    It seems you understand.
[12:47] ---
    Well then, I shall be on my way,
    Suicide-Master.
[12:51] ---
    I assume we will never meet again.
[12:55] ---
    All right.
[12:56] ---
    That's fine.
[12:58] ---
    I won't stop you anymore.
    Do as you like.
[13:00] ---
    But even then,
    I want you to wait just a little bit.
[13:03] ---
    I don't want you to move
    while I consume my meal.
[13:08] OS
    PRINCESS
[13:08] OS
    TROPICALESQUE HOME-AWAVE DOGSTRINGS
[13:09] ---
    I don't want you
    stepping on my precious food.

[13:14] ---
    I'm the only one
    who is allowed to step on him.

[13:21] OS
    CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
[13:22] OS
    CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
    CHEW CHEW CHEW
[13:22] OS
    CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
    CHEW CHEW CHEW
    SLURP SLURP SLURP
[13:23] OS
    CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
    CHEW CHEW CHEW
    SLURP SLURP SLURP
    GULP GULP GULP
[13:29] OS
    HEAD LUNGS LIVER FINGERS HAND EYEBALL STOMACH CHESTHEARTTONGUESHOULDEREARSLEGS
[13:31] OS
    SHOULDER EAR HAIR CHEST STOMACH
    HEART EYELID LIPS NOSE FINGER ARM
    HAND LEG NECK
[13:33] ---
    By you eating him, his death
    is no longer meaningless or wasteful.
[13:40] ---
    The death of this individual
    who I have killed...
[13:44] ---
    Sorry to make you wait, Princess Acerola.
    You can be on your way now.
[13:48] ---
    Don't brood too much over
    our not seeing each other ever again.
[13:53] ---
    Now that I'm full from eating Tropicalesque,
    I can easily die a few more times.
[14:00] ---
    If you ever get tired of your journey,
    feel free to come see me at any time.
[14:07] ---
    Suicide-Master, I have a favor to ask you.
[14:12] ---
    Please turn me into a vampire.
[14:16] ---
    Are you serious?
[14:17] ---
    Or rather, are you sane?
[14:19] ---
    Yes. I want to become a vampire.
[14:24] ---
    Right now, I know not of a means to stop those
    who wish to offer their lives to me.
[14:30] ---
    Perhaps such a means does not exist.
[14:33] ---
    Then at the least, I want to accept
    those lives that are offered to me.
[14:40] ---
    I don't want to waste their deaths.
[14:43] ---
    I will eat all the lives I have killed.
[14:47] ---
    I want to eat them.
[14:54] ---
    I beg of you.
    Please turn me into a vampire.
[14:59] ---
    Please drink my blood, Suicide-Master.
[15:04] ---
    You know
    what will happen to you, right?
[15:07] ---
    You will never be able to walk
    under the sun ever again.
[15:11] ---
    I am fully aware of that
    and still ask you for this.
[15:15] ---
    You will no longer be human.
[15:17] ---
    I understand.
[15:18] ---
    I am fully aware of that
    and still ask you for this.
[15:24] ---
    Your conviction shines through.
[15:26] ---
    I think it's wonderful,
    and I would like to respond accordingly.
[15:30] ---
    Then...
[15:32] ---
    But that's impossible.
[15:34] ---
    Just like how I cannot eat you,
    I cannot turn you into my minion.
[15:40] ---
    Because I would have to sink my fangs
    deep into your supple skin.
[15:46] ---
    Is it still impossible
    if I wish for it myself?
[15:50] ---
    It's probably impossible.
[15:52] ---
    To raise an extreme argument, your feelings,
    your will, and your desires don't matter one bit.
[16:04] ---
    Suicide-Master, you said that
    my will has nothing to do with it.
[16:10] ---
    Do you remember when I foolishly
    tried to pierce my own eye?
[16:16] ---
    At the time, as you took the candlestick
    from me, you shoved me onto the bed.
[16:23] ---
    Yeah, I did.
[16:25] ---
    What of it?
[16:27] ---
    Why do you think you were able
    to shove me aside?
[16:30] ---
    Why, you ask? It's because
    I shoved you onto the soft bed, wasn't it?
[16:35] ---
    Because you didn't take any damage,
    I didn't take any either.
[16:40] ---
    But I did take some damage.
[16:42] ---
    I felt quite a bit of pain.
[16:45] ---
    Even now, your handprint clearly remains
    on the center of my chest.
[16:53] ---
    I've been thinking this whole time,
[16:55] ---
    but now I have one theory based on
    what you've just told me.
[17:02] ---
    If my will doesn't matter, but the will
    of those around me is what is important...
[17:08] ---
    Back then, your "attack" that ignored my feelings
    of wanting to pierce my own eyeball
[17:15] ---
    was ignored,
    and was not considered an attack.
[17:19] ---
    In other words, if you were to eat me
    for my sake, while thinking of me...
[17:29] ---
    That would be
    the preparation for the meal.
[17:44] ---
    I may be inexperienced,
    but I leave myself in your care, Suicide-Master.
[17:52] ---
    You have courage that an inexperienced
    individual would never have.
[17:55] ---
    Indeed, it's too much of a waste
    for you to remain human.
[17:58] ---
    I will do my best to meet
    your expectations, my master.
[18:02] ---
    Just because you're going to be my minion
[18:04] ---
    doesn't mean you have to speak
    that way, Princess Acerola.
[18:09] ---
    I will abolish slavery as of Tropicalesque.
[18:12] ---
    He would be my final slave.
[18:15] ---
    So I see.
[18:17] ---
    Then, what should I call you?
[18:21] ---
    Call me Suicide-Master
    just like you always have.
[18:24] ---
    That is, if both of us survive this.
[18:28] ---
    If anything,
    as long as you are my minion,
[18:32] ---
    I want you to become a vampire
    who I can be proud of.
[18:35] ---
    Your speech has reverted back
    to that of elegance.
[18:39] ---
    What happened to the prestigious laugh
    that I taught you?
[18:42] ---
    Th-That's right.
[18:46] ---
    I am not nervous at all.
    Er, no, I'm not nervous.
[18:50] ---
    I possess your... Er, I have my faith in you.
    Yes, indeed.
[18:55] ---
    Trust? Come on now, don't make me laugh
    in a serious scene like this.
[19:00] ---
    I'm sure it's a virtue to believe in people,
    but I'm not a human.
[19:05] ---
    I'm a monster.
[19:08] ---
    I am trying to become that same monster.
    I want to become like you.
[19:14] ---
    Just like you, a cool, tough,
    and kind but beautiful vampire.
[19:24] ---
    I'm sure you'll be able to.
[19:27] ---
    Princess Acerola.
[19:31] ---
    Kiss-shot Acerola-orion
    Heart-under-blade.
[19:36] ---
    That's your name, Kiss-shot.
[19:39] ---
    Eat all the people who die for you
    as if you were kissing them.
[19:44] ---
    Once you gain eternal life
    and live for a long time,
[19:47] ---
    perhaps you may someday meet
    a praiseworthy prince.
[19:53] ---
    Kiss-shot Acerola-orion
    Heart-under-blade.
[19:59] ---
    I adore it, Suicide-master.
[20:03] ---
    Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicide-Master.
[20:08] ---
    It's the best.
[20:10] ---
    I am very happy.
[20:12] ---
    I will keep trying hard so that I may be worthy
    of you and this name you have given me.
[20:19] ---
    Yeah. Be diligent.
[20:23] ---
    Oh, speaking of diligence,
    this is my final lesson.
[20:27] ---
    When you are really happy,
    laugh like this.
[21:03] ---
    Bon appétit.
[21:18] ---
    It wasn't anything special.
    I kill and eat. I kill and love.

[21:24] ---
    Eating and loving meant the same thing.
[21:41] ---
    And so, the noble girl
    who was once called Laura,

[21:46] ---
    the princess who was once
    called the Beautiful Princess,

[21:49] ---
    became a vampire by the name of
    Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade.

[21:56] ---
    Just as planned, she became
    a monster who ate humans.

[22:00] ---
    And here I am, still alive.
[22:02] ---
    And in the end, I never figured out
    what the attachment I felt for her was.

[22:07] ---
    Whether it was friendship,
    affection, or simply lust.

[22:14] ---
    But because it wasn't appetite,
[22:18] ---
    or perhaps even if it wasn't because of that,
    things went well so it doesn't matter.

[22:23] ---
    It was a delicious affair, too.
[22:25] ---
    In any case, this is a story
    from roughly 600 years ago.

[22:30] ---
    There's no longer a way
    to uncover the truth.

[22:35] ---
    I've only heard rumors
    of what she's been doing afterwards.

[22:39] ---
    But as I predicted,
    she became a magnificent vampire.

[22:43] ---
    The iron-blooded, hot-blooded,
    cold-blooded vampire,

[22:47] ---
    Kiss-shot Acerola-orion
    Heart-under-blade.

[22:51] ---
    With golden hair and golden eyes,
    the Apparition Killer and King of Apparitions.

[22:55] ---
    You've surely heard of her
    at least once, right?

[22:58] ---
    And I've recently heard a rumor
    that Kiss-shot had finally been defeated

[23:02] ---
    by vampire-slaying specialists
    in an island country to the Far East.

[23:08] ---
    But oh no, I think that's a sham
    that definitely lacks credibility.

[23:13] ---
    I won't believe in such a rumor.
[23:15] ---
    I'm not worried about her in the least,
[23:18] ---
    but how about I go out and see her
    for the first time in 600 years?

[23:24] ---
    We're both great women.
[23:26] ---
    I'm sure we have tough and cool fairy tales
    that we've piled up for the telling.