7 - Level 07: Competition! The Hottie Audition

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] 2
    2:48
[00:43] Light
    That chick who was working at that restaurant
[00:45] Light
    was totally into you, Yomi!
[00:47] Yomi
    Wait, the one before...?
SIGN    Level 07: Competition! The Hottie Audition
[00:50] Light
    You were staring at her, too!
[00:51] Light
    Alfa, did you notice?
[00:53] Alfa
    Oh, crap! Oh, crap...
[00:54] Alfa
    It was in my back pocket earlier...
[00:57] Yomi
    Alfa?
[00:58] Alfa
    Don't think, feel, me...
[01:00] Alfa
    You can do it!
[01:02] Light
    What's gotten into you, man?
[01:06] Alfa
    This is it!
[01:08] Yomi
    Don't scare me like that!
[01:10] Alfa
    Well, y'know, I was hoping I could maybe...
[01:13] Alfa
    ask for your cooperation,
    if that's all right, y'know?
[01:18] Light
    Seriously, what happened?
[01:19] Alfa
    I'm so sorry! I lost my wallet!
[01:24] Yomi
    Well, everybody makes mistakes.
[01:28] Yomi
    Sure, I will help you.
[01:31] Light
    Yomi is right.
[01:33] Light
    So, what do you need help with?
[01:34] Alfa
    You're both super pissed!
[01:36] Alfa
    I want the two of you to enter
[01:39] Alfa
    the Office gd sponsored Hottie Audition 2018!
[01:42] Alfa
    You'll win, and score the grand prize!
[01:52] Light
    My name is Light.
SIGN    Office gd sponsored Hottie Audition 2018
SIGN    Special Gifts
SIGN    Rankings
[01:53] Sign
    Good job, dorky middle-schooler
[01:53] LIght
    Your names are...
[01:55] Light
    Well, I guess it doesn't matter.
[01:56] Light
    I'm not interested in your names,
    but your hearts, which I can't see.
[01:58] Sign
    Not bad.
SIGN    I think I've heard his voice before.
[02:01] Light
    Did you think I'd seriously say that?
[02:02] Sign
    What fun!
SIGN    Ahri Do Valanteer
SIGN    Light
[02:05] Alfa
    Yes! Yes! Light?
[02:07] Alfa
    Keep it up!
[02:08] Alfa
    Come on, Yomi, take the
    initiative and say something!
SIGN    Don't look over here
[02:11] Yomi
    Um... Um...
[02:13] Yomi
    Hello. I'm Yomi.
[02:16] Yomi
    I... I...
[02:18] Sign
    Squee! <3
[02:19] Yomi
    What can I do for you?
[02:22] Sign
    I sense darkness
[02:23] Yomi
    I... might not be much help now...
[02:24] Sign
    Is this a girl? An otokonoko?
SIGN    Follow me on Twitter
[02:27] Yomi
    Maybe all I can do now is be here,
[02:28] Sign
    So cute! <3
[02:30] Yomi
    when you're lonely...
[02:31] Sign
    Always stay by my side
[02:33] Yomi
    But one day... I'll do more.
SIGN    A sweet shota? Oh my
SIGN    Light
SIGN    Yomi
[02:40] Alfa
    Yes, and now Yomi's bringing it!
[02:42] Alfa
    Light, time for some extra effects!
[02:45] Light
    Yesterday I dreamed about being on stage...
[02:45] Signs
    Saw this one already
[02:46] Sign
    Hottie~ <3
SIGN    Oh my, what a hot voice
SIGN    Don't you dare stop!
[02:48] Light
    The lights were so bright, it was blinding,
[02:49] Sign
    Oh, I see, it's Sunday.
[02:49] Sign
    I like Hayato better.
[02:50] Sign
    Princess princess, princess?
SIGN    I get the feeling this is gonna be
[02:51] Light
    and even I was feeling nervous.
SIGN    Maaakino~
[02:52] Sign
    I want to eat some tuna mayo.
[02:54] Light
    Right when I thought I
    was going to freeze up,
SIGN    Seems like he might have a complex about his buddy
SIGN    God
[02:56] Light
    it felt like I could hear your voices.
[02:58] Sign
    Squee-------///
[02:59] Sign
    I did not cross that line.
[02:59] Light
    You could say it helped me calm down...?
[03:00] Sign
    Is that a nice story?
SIGN    I wuv you lots <3
SIGN    Just the tip
[03:02] Sign
    Are they ad-libbing this?
[03:02] Light
    Nah, it was trouble, because instead
    it got my heart pounding even more!
[03:03] Sign
    It's Tsugutsugu!
[03:04] Sign
    Apparently he's Kirito
SIGN    The guy from Anpanman?!
SIGN    Rankings
SIGN    Kou Hayato
SIGN    Light
[03:08] Alfa
    Get a load of that!
[03:09] Alfa
    We're on the verge of taking the top spot!
[03:12] Alfa
    And now some extra effects for Yomi!
[03:15] Signs
    I saw this already.
[03:15] Yomi
    I went to a festival today...
[03:16] Sign
    I'll give you 300,000,000 yen.
SIGN    gd bye now!
[03:17] Sign
    It's teatime!
SIGN    Oh my! <3
[03:19] Yomi
    The stands were really fun.
[03:19] Sign
    Bam bam!
[03:20] Sign
    Oh, cute!
[03:20] Sign
    You mad?
[03:21] Yomi
    But it was lonely without you all,
SIGN    Is that Kio Asuno...?
[03:23] Sign
    I love you lots <3
[03:23] Sign
    He'd be dead if this was Another
[03:24] Sign
    Enjoy!
[03:25] Sign
    Cute
[03:26] Yomi
    I think...
SIGN    Squeeeeeeee///
[03:27] Yomi
    It'd be nice if you could
    wear a pretty yukata.
[03:27] Sign
    Yumotooo!
SIGN    Get out!
[03:31] Sign
    (To** Ranbu)
SIGN    Eek!
[03:32] Sign
    I sense darkness.
[03:33] Yomi
    You want me to pull your
    obi?! I can't do that!
SIGN    What a scary boy!
SIGN    Cutie pie!
[03:36] Sign
    If you want to hit someone, hit me!
[03:37] Sign
    He's dazzling!
[03:37] Sign
    Is that a nice story?
[03:38] Yomi
    Gosh!
SIGN    Kou Hayato
SIGN    Light
SIGN    Yomi
[03:41] Alfa
    This is happening! It's happening!
[03:42] Alfa
    We're gonna finish in first and second place!
SIGN    Strip!
[03:45] Alfa
    You two, take some clothes off and
    give them a little extra skin!
[03:48] Light
    Damn it, get a grip! Why the hell
    would we take our clothes off?!
[03:51] Yomi
    That's right! We already helped a lot!
[03:53] Alfa
    You idiots! We've almost got
    first and second place clinched!
[03:55] Alfa
    We've almost got the prize
    money! Don't you get it?!
[04:03] Alfa
    Huh?
[04:04] Alfa
    Huh, huh, huh, really...?
[04:07] Light
    What now? Did you lose something else?
[04:09] Alfa
    Well, the thing is...
[04:11] Alfa
    I found my wallet!
SIGN    Today's Princess
[04:20] Trio
    gd Men.
[04:25] Princess
    Is he late or what? How long are you
    gonna keep me waiting, Mr. Hero?
[04:29] Princess
    Mr. Hero! Mr. Hero, are you listening?
[04:32] Princess
    Oh, of course not,
    because you're not even there!
[04:37] Princess
    Where are you screwing around right now?!
[04:41] Princess
    If he's taking this long, I'm not even
    sure it'll be a hero who shows up.
[04:44] Princess
    Think about it!
[04:45] Princess
    He's not hurrying at all!
[04:46] Princess
    Taking his sweet time!
[04:47] Princess
    What kind of hero takes his sweet time?
[04:49] Princess
    Like a train that stop at every station!
[04:51] Princess
    That's just a regular train, y'know?
[04:52] Princess
    In the end, it's just gonna be
    like a train picking me up...
SIGN    Alfa's Mysterious Shutdown
[04:59] Trio
    gd Men!
[05:07] L
    Man, there's nothing in here!
[05:09] Y
    Where're the Dragon Wings?
[05:11] A
    Oh, man! Oh, man! This is so great!
[05:15] L
    There's just a bunch of crappy paintings!
[05:18] L
    So the Dragon Wings that let us fly straight
    to the Dark Lord aren't even here?
[05:21] A
    You dumbass!
[05:23] L
    Ow!
[05:24] L
    What the hell was that, old man?!
[05:25] A
    Do not call these crappy paintings!
[05:27] A
    That's nonsense! Absolute nonsense!
[05:29] Y
    What's gotten into you?
[05:31] A
    I totally love pop culture.
[05:35] A
    I totally love pop culture!
[05:38] Y
    Yeah?
[05:38] A
    That's my character.
[05:39] L
    Who cares?! And since when, ovah heah?!
[05:41] A
    What's with the Kansai accent, ovah heah?!
[05:42] Y
    You, too, Alfa.
[05:43] L
    We came all this way to look
    at these weird paintings?!
[05:45] A
    I've never told you guys this before,
[05:48] A
    but I've been collecting the most
    pop bits of culture I could find.
[05:51] A
    And this is the stuff that is the
    most popping of the whole millennium!
[05:53] A
    Do you get it?
[05:54] Yomi
    It seems like you just
    want to say "pop culture."
[05:56] Light
    Whoa, hold up.
[05:57] Light
    We don't have time to mess
    around with your hobbies, man!
[05:59] A
    Aw, it's fine, Yagami!
[06:01] L
    Cry, scream, then die!
[06:03] L
    Wait, no, I'm just plain old Light!
[06:05] A
    I've been looking forward to enjoying
    the combination of pop culture
[06:09] A
    and ukiyo-e that are on display here!
[06:16] Y
    Uh... what?
[06:17] L
    You sound weird, man.
[06:18] A
    Such deeply refined art...
[06:21] A
    Exquisite...
[06:23] A
    Enough to make my voice change,
    and for me to lose my composure...
[06:27] Light
    Wow, what a hot voice!
[06:29] A
    The odd colors that come from brilliantly
    combining eastern and western influences...
[06:33] A
    The exquisite result is enough...
    to drive me mad.
[06:36] L
    The way he says "drive me mad"... Ohh!
[06:39] A
    It's maddening...
[06:40] A
    Maddening!
[06:42] Y
    Seriously, what's wrong with you?
[06:44] L
    This is bad, Yomi!
[06:45] L
    If he keeps up this pop culture trance,
[06:47] L
    his voice is going to get
    too sexy for broadcast!
[06:51] Yomi
    What do you mean?!
[06:52] A
    Instead simply depicting it,
SIGN    Guda
[06:53] A
    this one evokes the flowing, soft curves
    of a woman's body with such !
[06:59] Alfa
    Get me a bowl of ramen! I'm ready for !
[07:02] L
    He's losing it! He's losing his mind!
[07:04] Y*
    Alfa's broken!
[07:06] A
    ******** urgh, ...
[07:08] A
    No... it's coming...
[07:10] A**
    from deep within me, ******* overflowing!
[07:15] L
    Here it comes!
[07:16] A
    Alfa **********!
[07:25] Y
    Alfa!
[07:28] L
    Seriously?
[07:29] L
    Alfa? Hey, Alfa!
[07:31] Y
    This is bad! There's no life
    energy in Alfa anymore!
[07:34] L
    No way, man...
[07:35] L
    Alfa! Come on, snap out of it!
[07:37] L
    Alfa! Alfa!
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Next Time on Mr. gdMatsu
SIGN    Super Kiss etc.
[08:21] Lightmatsu
    Better make sure the preview is done right!
[08:24] Lightmatsu
    In the first segment next week...
    it's finally happening!
SIGN    See you next time!!
[08:28] L
    Not gonna happen!