6 - Level 06: Weapon Evolution!? Fantasy Sword

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Level 06: Weapon Evolution!? Fantasy Sword
[00:45] Light
    Holy crap, look at this...
    it looks for real, for once!
[00:49] Yomi
    It does look pretty impressive.
[00:52] Light
    It's finally kinda RPG-like!
[00:54] Alfa
    You two pissboys did a good
    job making it this far.
[00:58] Alfa
    I'm proud of you both.
[01:00] Light
    Right.
[01:00] Yomi
    You did notice he was dissing us, too, right?
[01:03] Light
    It's fine! We get to experience
    an exciting scene like this!
[01:05] Light
    I can deal with a little piss!
[01:07] Yomi
    What does that even mean?
[01:08] Alfa
    All right, go ahead, Light.
[01:12] Alfa
    You! Get going, yo.
[01:14] Yomi
    I've heard that before.
[01:16] Light
    Get going? Me?
[01:18] Alfa
    Of course, you.
[01:20] Alfa
    You're the only real choice.
[01:22] Light
    Whoa, what's going on here, Old Man Alfa?!
[01:25] Alfa
    I'm not an old man!
[01:26] Yomi
    Something seems different here.
[01:28] Yomi
    What's gotten into you?
[01:29] Light
    Normally we'd play rock paper scissors
[01:31] Light
    or talk crap to each other
    trying to see who gets it!
[01:35] Alfa
    Yeah, how about we don't do that anymore?
[01:38] Alfa
    You getting the item solves everything.
[01:41] Alfa
    Besides, I've been in this
    world for a long time,
[01:45] Alfa
    so I can tell who'd be the best
    fit for an item like this.
[01:48] Light
    Big Bro Alfa...
[01:49] Yomi
    This seems too simple.
[01:50] Alfa
    You don't mind, right, Yomi?
[01:52] Alfa
    The Holy Gem, a magic item
    that lets weapons evolve...
[01:56] Alfa
    You don't mind him taking it, right?
[01:57] Light
    My Big Bro chose this timing to
    actually explain the item! So cool!
[02:01] Yomi
    Either way is fine, I guess.
[02:03] Alfa
    And there you have it.
[02:04] Alfa
    Now, go on.
[02:06] Light
    All right, this turn of
    events is super awesome!
[02:09] Light
    Hell yes! Holy Gem, you're mine!
[02:16] Light
    I can feel power surging
    from deep within me...
[02:21] Yomi
    Amazing! What's going on?
[02:24] Alfa
    Listen up, Light,
[02:25] Alfa
    you wanna raise your weapon to the sky,
[02:28] Alfa
    then your Fantasy Sword will evolve!
[02:32] Light
    Understood!
[02:33] Light
    My partner who's fought with me
    all this time, Fantasy Sword,
[02:37] Light
    the time has come for you to evolve!
[02:42] Yomi
    What's going to happen?!
[02:46] Voice of Heavens
    Chosen swordsman...
[02:48] Voice of Heavens
    The time has come for my will
    to dwell within your sword.
[02:53] Light
    Holy crap, there's even a super legit
    sounding voice from the heavens!
[02:59] Alfa
    How delightful!
[03:07] Alfa
    Meet your new partner...
[03:10] Yomi
    Whoa, gross! What kinda sword is that?!
[03:15] Light
    What the hell?!
[03:17] Sword
    Oh, hello there, I'm Piratcho Sword!
[03:21] Sword
    Nice to meet you!
[03:23] Both
    So lame!
[03:27] Light
    Piratcho Sword?
[03:29] Sword
    Yep! You might say I'm sword of a big deal!
[03:35] Light
    I wanna throw this thing away!
[03:39] Alfa
    You make friends with Piratcho over there.
[03:41] Alfa
    Come on, off we go.
[03:43] Yomi
    He's kinda like a new pet.
[03:44] Light
    You knew this would happen, didn't you?!
[03:46] Light
    Dammit, come on!
SIGN    Today's Princess
[03:52] Trio
    gd Men.
[03:57] Princess
    Hang on, so getting back to an old subject,
[04:00] Princess
    the question of the hero's age?
[04:01] Princess
    "On the young side" is supposed
    to be teens through twenties...
[04:04] Princess
    But doesn't that cover a ton of ground?
[04:06] Princess
    In English, you might say that
    covers too dynamic a range!
[04:09] Princess
    So let's say he's in his teens,
[04:11] Princess
    a fresh looking young man in his teens,
[04:12] Princess
    he'd still have a bit of his innocence
[04:13] Princess
    while still bravely and
    earnestly fighting for me!
[04:16] Princess
    Oh, my God, that's so sweet!
[04:18] Princess
    Melody's gonna get a cavity over here!
[04:20] Princess
    Youth is justice, y'know?!
[04:24] Princess
    But hang on, he might be a pain if
    he's in one of those moody phases.
[04:27] Princess
    I do not want some kid who's
    playing mobile games on his phone
[04:29] Princess
    the whole time I'm trying to talk to him!
[04:30] Princess
    And boys like that will always
    be playing those games,
[04:32] Princess
    no matter where they go.
[04:33] Princess
    I don't even wanna imagine
    him playing with a phone
[04:35] Princess
    while we're on a date at the theme park!
[04:36] Princess
    Just enjoy waiting with me in line, come on!
[04:40] Princess
    So, yeah, no punk kids who
    don't get it, I think.
SIGN    Today's Crystal
[04:47] Trio
    gd Men!
[04:51] Yomi
    My staff's shining again...
[04:53] Alfa
    Ready to get back to it?
[04:55] Light
    Hell yeah!
[04:57] Yomi
    Whoa, scary, scary...
[04:59] Light
    This is bad! It's making me queasy!
[05:00] Yomi
    This is scary.
[05:01] Alfa
    This guy has no bones. No bones.
[05:03] Yomi
    Wow... this is bad.
[05:05] Yomi
    Who moves like that?
[05:06] Light
    What was that? What was he even doing?
[05:08] Alfa
    I don't know, but the scenery is really
    sorta... cool and pseudo-futuristic.
[05:12] Yomi
    Okay, I'll go.
[05:13] Alfa
    That was fast!
[05:16] Yomi
    "Aw, the girl who plays pink is so cute,
[05:19] Yomi
    she's got me weak in the knees!"
[05:27] Light
    He likes her that much...?
[05:30] Alfa
    The romance of superheroes, huh?
[05:30] Yomi
    Right.
[05:32] Yomi
    It happens.
[05:32] Alfa
    I bet that's complicated.
[05:34] Yomi
    Red and Pink... sometimes Yellow.
[05:36] Light
    You've got a point...
[05:37] Light
    There's just something about pink
    that stokes the passion, y'know?
[05:40] Yomi
    The color?
[05:41] Light
    I love pink.
[05:42] Alfa
    Really?
[05:43] Light
    I want pink underwear.
[05:47] Alfa
    All right, moving along.
[05:49] Alfa
    I guess I'll go next.
[05:52] Alfa
    Ding ding ding da-ding,
[05:54] Alfa
    ding ding ding da-ding ding ding ding!
[05:57] Alfa
    Ding ding ding da-ding ding ding!
[06:02] Yomi
    That was terrible! Was that supposed
    to be the radio calisthenics music?
[06:05] Alfa
    But you could tell what it was, couldn't you?
[06:06] Yomi
    I guess...
[06:07] Yomi
    It's the part with the—
[06:08] Alfa
    Y'know the part where you cross
    your chest with your arms?
[06:11] Alfa
    So he tries to do that...
[06:13] Alfa
    and he can't, because he's too sloppy.
[06:15] Light
    Y'know, the thing is,
[06:18] Light
    this guy looks flexible enough
    without having to do calisthenics.
[06:22] Alfa
    Good point.
[06:24] Light
    All right, I'll go.
[06:24] Others
    Okay.
[06:29] Light
    "Man, whenever I go out to drink with Green,
[06:31] Light
    we're throwing them back until morning..."
[06:34] Light
    "Speaking of green...
[06:36] Light
    the special train is about
    to roll out of my mouth..."
[06:42] Yomi
    What does that even mean?
[06:43] Alfa
    Green...
[06:43] Yomi
    He's drunk and...
[06:44] Light
    See when he drinks with Green,
    some green stuff comes out of his mouth.
[06:46] Yomi
    I see.
[06:47] Light
    Like those green train cars.
[06:50] Alfa
    Okay...
[06:52] Alfa
    I'm gonna do it.
[06:53] Alfa
    Here I go.
[06:55] Alfa
    "Oh, so it's gonna be a Kemono Friends
    show starting tomorrow, huh?"
[06:59] Alfa
    "Man, I don't have to put up with this!"
[07:01] Alfa
    "Guess I better find a new job..."
[07:06] Light
    That's rough, buddy.
[07:06] Yomi
    Harsh.
[07:08] Light
    He's out of luck.
[07:08] Yomi
    That's how it is.
[07:09] Alfa
    Yeah, you can't take any kind
    of employment for granted.
[07:13] Light
    Oh, man...
[07:15] Yomi
    Just saying that right
    now makes my chest hurt.
[07:18] Light
    That explains why it's dusk...
[07:20] Yomi
    Yep.
[07:21] Light
    He finishes working,
[07:22] Light
    and they tell him they're gonna be
    running a different event from now on...
[07:26] Yomi
    "Don't bother coming in tomorrow."
[07:28] Yomi
    So rough!
[07:28] Light
    He lost his job!
[07:30] Yomi
    Hey, it happens.
SIGN    Preview
[08:09] Cellfa
    I am Alfa.
[08:11] Yomi
    Maybe he can beat Alfa without us!
[08:14] Cellfa
    Curses! If only I could absorb Yomi...
[08:18] Yomi
    Next time on gdmen Ball Z Kai:
SIGN    Alfa on the Verge of Defeat! Light, Destroy Yomi!
[08:21] Yomi
    Alfa on the Verge of Defeat!
    Light, Destroy Yomi!
[08:25] Cellfa
    Curses! Curses!
[08:27] Alfa
    Yeah, nothing like that's happening.