3 - Level 03: The Job Assignment Chamber

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Sign
    
[00:44] Light
    How about an explanation, Alfa?
SIGN    Level 03: The Job Assignment Chamber
[00:47] Yomi
    Where are we? And isn't it kind of creepy?
[00:49] Alfa
    Have you boys ever had
    a job interview before?
[00:53] Yomi
    What are you talking about?
[00:54] Light
    Hell no! That's not gonna happen
    for like, a million years.
[00:56] Alfa
    You think it's in the distant future,
    but it'll be before you know it.
[01:00] Alfa
    Life is short, understand?
    Like they say, time is money.
[01:04] Alfa
    It says here that in middle-school you
[01:06] Alfa
    "crossed dimensions to enter
    the world of a video game"?
[01:09] Alfa
    I'm not really clear here,
    what exactly were you doing?
[01:13] Alfa
    ...What would you do if someone asked that?
[01:14] Light
    Uh, well all of a sudden I
    noticed I was in another world,
[01:17] Light
    and this android named Alfa was my guide....
[01:19] Light
    I became a hero, and then—
[01:21] Alfa
    Teenage delusions, at your age? Rejected!
[01:24] Yomi
    Yeah, that makes sense.
[01:25] Light
    What am I supposed to say?!
    That's what happened!
[01:28] Light
    And what's that got to do
    with this place, anyway!?
[01:30] Alfa
    A lot, actually!
[01:32] Yomi
    Use your inside voice.
[01:33] Alfa
    Interviews are supposed to be a
    ritual that reduces mismatches
[01:36] Alfa
    between employers and employees in
    order to ensure higher productivity!
[01:41] Alfa
    So what we're going to do
    is check the two of you
[01:44] Alfa
    to make sure you've got a compatible job—
[01:46] Alfa
    That's right, this is the
    Job Assignment Chamber!
[01:50] Light
    Job assignment?!
[01:52] Light
    Finding out what job is best for me?!
[01:54] Yomi
    Whatever that is, it sounds
    like a pain in the butt.
[01:58] Yomi
    Whoa, spooky.
[02:00] Light
    Th-This thing is gonna do the assignments...?
[02:02] Alfa
    That's right.
    Now, mind its gracious wisdom...
[02:06] Idol
    Do you understand why I am
    in the form of a statue?
[02:09] Light
    What a shrill voice!
[02:11] Idol
    The word "idol" comes from
    an object of worship...
[02:15] Idol
    That which is sought out by people,
    and and receives their devotion.
[02:19] Idol
    Which is often depicted in a statue...
    an idol, in other words!
[02:23] Idol
    Remember that.
[02:26] Idol
    Your job is wizard!
[02:29] Alfa
    Good for you! A perfect fit.
[02:32] Light
    Wait, who cares?!
[02:33] Light
    Why change the subject?!
    What happened to idols?!
[02:36] Idol
    Yes, and your job...
[02:38] Idol
    Yours is...
[02:40] Idol
    Y'know when you have people
    helping you move...
[02:42] Idol
    And there's the guy who's driving...
[02:44] Idol
    You're the guy next to him.
[02:47] Yomi
    Good for you, perfect fit.
[02:48] Light
    Screw that! You gotta be kidding me!
[02:50] Light
    There's swordsman, and soldier,
    and warrior, and tank, and spearmen!
[02:54] Light
    How'd I end up as "guy next
    to the guy from the movers"?!
[02:56] Yomi
    Don't feel so bad!
[02:58] Yomi
    For gear, you could use a cardboard
    sword, and duct tape for a whip.
SIGN    Sword
[03:01] Alfa
    Yeah, good point!
[03:02] Alfa
    With a baseball cap for a helmet
    and a polo shirt for armor!
[03:05] Yomi
    Good for you.
[03:06] Light
    Please stop!
SIGN    Today's Princess
[03:11] Trio
    gd Men.
[03:16] Princess
    Oh, my! The hero is here!
[03:19] Princess
    Aww...
[03:25] Princess
    Hero?
[03:29] Princess
    Huh— What? I got faked out?
[03:32] Princess
    Hey, screw you! What was that sound, then?
[03:35] Princess
    Did we really need that? What even made it?
[03:37] Princess
    I went "Oh, my!" for no good
    reason. So embarrassed!
[03:40] Princess
    Ugh, Hero, what's taking so long?
[03:43] Princess
    You had better say something
[03:45] Princess
    that'll stick with me for the rest of
    my life, after making me wait so long!
[03:48] Princess
    What's it gonna be?!
    What will you say, my hero?!
[03:51] Princess
    Huh?!
[03:54] Princess
    "Sorry. I left you waiting.
    You must've been so lonely."
[03:58] Princess
    "But I'm glad you're all right."
[04:00] Princess
    "Now I can love you longer
    than I ever made you wait."
[04:05] Princess
    "A life sentence I will
    spend all my days serving."
[04:10] Princess
    A life sentence?! Wow, so someone
    else is locked up this time!
[04:13] Princess
    Y'know what I mean?!
SIGN    Today's leveling up
[04:20] Trio
    gd Men!
[04:24] Alfa
    All right, time to level up again.
[04:26] Yomi
    That again?
[04:27] Light
    Oh, I'm fired up now!
[04:29] Alfa
    Loading data.
[04:35] Alfa
    Oh, looks like this time we're
    supposed to imagine our ideal town.
[04:39] Yomi
    Ideal town?
[04:40] Alfa
    Whatever you imagine will appear,
    so take a second to think about it.
[04:43] Light
    Sounds like fun to me!
[04:45] Alfa
    You first, then, Light.
[04:52] Light
    Let me show you guys around my town!
[04:54] Light
    Follow me!
[04:56] Light
    Come on, folks, clear the road!
[04:59] Yomi
    Whoa, he's being treated
    like a legendary hero.
[05:02] Light
    Oh, man, it's rough being a hero!
[05:06] Yomi
    He's starting to sound like
    a newb who's RPing a hero...
[05:08] Light
    Guess we'll drop by the weapon shop!
[05:12] Yomi
    A flying weapon store?
[05:14] Light
    Which is where we'll find
    the holy sword, Excalibur!
[05:17] Light
    Which I will pull!
[05:18] Light
    Which will make an elf babe fall for me!
[05:20] Light
    I am so bad!
[05:23] Light
    "You are the legendary hero."
[05:31] Alfa
    This isn't all-ages appropriate.
[05:33] Yomi
    Now it's looking like the fantasy
    diary of a middle-schooler.
[05:36] Light
    I guess we'll rest at the inn tonight!
[05:39] Alfa
    And the inn is inside the
    world tree, Yggdrasil?
[05:42] Yomi
    Every part of this is bigger
    than it needs to be.
[05:44] Light
    The inn's bevvy of cute
    maids lined up in a row!
[05:48] Maids
    Welcome home, sir hero!
[05:50] Yomi
    Is this supposed to be Akihabara?
[05:53] Alfa
    So, which is your favorite, Light?
[05:56] Light
    Among them is the princess!
[05:59] Alfa
    The RPing newb has gotten so bad
    he's dragged the princess into it!
[06:03] Light
    "Oh... my beloved hero..."
[06:07] Light
    "You've come... to take me away."
[06:10] Light
    Yeah! I mean, these dudes
    were slowing me down,
[06:14] Light
    so I'm sorry if I'm a bit late!
[06:18] Light
    "My hero...!"
[06:20] Light
    Princess...
[06:22] Light
    Glomp!
[06:23] Alfa
    Not appropriate— Ow!
[06:26] Yomi
    What a simpleton.
[06:27] Light
    But then, the dark lord suddenly appears!
[06:29] Alfa
    Does he really need to?!
[06:31] Light
    "Please forgive me, hero!"
[06:34] Light
    Yes, I shall!
[06:35] Alfa
    No, no no no...
[06:37] Yomi
    You're trying to end the
    whole story in this one town!
[06:39] Alfa
    You're totally delusional!
[06:44] Light
    You show us your ideal town then, Yomi.
[06:47] Yomi
    Okay.
[06:51] Yomi
    My morning starts early...
[06:53] Light
    The inn first, huh?
[06:55] Yomi
    After exiting my fluffy éclair bed...
[06:58] Light
    This is already weird!
[07:00] Yomi
    I stretch out a bit,
[07:02] Yomi
    and head to the bathroom to wash my face.
[07:04] Light
    Wait, why is the faucet
    turned on with a macaron!?
[07:07] Alfa
    And instead of water there's Bavarian cream!
[07:09] Light
    And now that I get a better look,
    his tooth brush is a piece of baumkuchen?!
[07:11] Light
    Can you clean anything with that?!
[07:12] Alfa
    With chocolate mousse for toothpaste...
[07:14] Light
    That's way too sweet!
[07:15] Yomi
    After brushing my teeth,
    I take a jelly bean shower...
[07:19] Alfa
    Hang on, his shampoo says "panna cotta!"
SIGN    Panna
    Cotta
[07:22] Light
    And he's keeping the shampoo
    of his eyes with a roll cake?!
[07:24] Yomi
    And then, after a nice leisurely
    a melon soda float bath...
[07:27] Light
    Wouldn't that be cold!?
[07:28] Yomi
    bathed in gentle morning sun,
    I set about to breakfast.
[07:32] Light
    It's all ice cream!
[07:33] Alfa
    He really is one of those
    "sweets shota" types.
[07:35] Light
    And is this even raising our level?
[07:37] Alfa
    I'unno.
SIGN    Preview
[08:12] Light
    Please don't die, Alfauchi!
SIGN    Preview
[08:15] Light
    If you lose, what happens to your
    promise with the King and the Princess?
[08:20] Light
    You still have life points left.
    If you can hang on, you'll defeat gdik!
[08:24] Light
    Next time: Alfauchi Dies.
SIGN    Next Time
SIGN    Alfauchi Dies
[08:26] Light
    gdMen, standby!
[08:27] Alfa
    Yeah, nothing like that's happening.