20 - What Kind of Place Is a Mental Clinic?

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Asuna
    Then the examination begins.
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 20
    "What Kind of Place Is
    a Mental Clinic?"
[00:10] Asuka
    Hello, everyone! I'm the
    nurse, Kangoshi Asuna!
[00:14] Ryou
    I'm the psy—
[00:15] Asuna
    Visit the mental clinic!
[00:16] Ryou
    Uh, you're getting to the
    conclusion too quickly.
[00:18] Asuna
    Wipe, wipe, wipe...
[00:18] Ryou
    What, are we closing up shop now?!
[00:20] Asuna
    You know, Doctor, we've said "visit the
    mental clinic" a lot in this anime.
[00:24] Asuna
    What's an examination at a
    mental clinic actually like?
[00:27] Ryou
    Um, your working at one
    is part of the setting...
[00:31] Ryou
    Incidentally, what do you think, Asuna-san?
[00:34] Asuna
    Well, I know what an optomental
    clinic is like...
[00:37] Ryou
    Right, right, optomental.
[00:38] Ryou
    No, that's "optometry"!
[00:39] Asuna
    Then a metal clinic!
[00:41] Robot
    I will treat you with a super alloy.
[00:43] Ryou
    Awesome...
[00:45] Ryou
    So, today, let's take a look at how
[00:47] ---
    a first examination at a typical
    mental clinic might go.
SIGN    Comical Mental Clinic
[00:52] Asuna
    Comical Mental Clinic!
SIGN    Welcome to the Mental Clinic
SIGN    Clear the clouds from your soul at the mental clinic.
[01:04] Voice
    Yes, this is the Yuu Mental Clinic.
[01:06] Girl
    Um, I'd like to schedule a first visit...
[01:07] Asuna
    First, you make an appointment by phone.
[01:10] Voice
    This will be your first visit? All right.
[01:13] Asuna
    Some clinics also allow you
    to make appointments online.
[01:14] Girl
    Is this it?
SIGN    Reception
[01:16] Asuna
    Then you arrive at the clinic.
[01:16] Clerk
    Hello.
[01:17] Asuna
    You're checked in at reception.
[01:18] Girl
    Um, I have an appointment...
[01:18] Asuna
    Whether the receptionist looks pretty
    or not varies from patient to patient.
[01:22] Clerk
    May I see your insurance card, please?
[01:24] Asuna
    Fill out a medical questionnaire
    while you wait to be called.
[01:27] Girl
    So I've been a bit concerned...
[01:28] Asuna
    You might speak with a psychologist
    before being examined by a doctor.
[01:30] Psych
    I see... All right, then.
[01:33] Nurse
    This way to the examination room.
[01:35] Girl
    O-Okay.
SIGN    Examination Room 1
[01:39] Yuuki
    Hi there. I'm Doctor Yuuki.
[01:42] Girl
    Hi.
[01:42] Asuna
    Whether the doctor looks handsome or
    not varies from patient to patient.
[01:44] Yuuki
    Can you tell me what's bothering
    you in a bit more detail?
[01:48] Asuna
    Based on your symptoms, the doctor
    will recommend treatment methods
[01:52] Asuna
    and give advice for your day-to-day life.
[01:54] Asuna
    He may also prescribe medication.
SIGN    Billing
[01:57] Asuna
    Then you pay, and you're finished.
[01:57] Girl
    Thank you so much.
[01:59] Clerk
    Take care going home.
[01:59] Asuna
    Well done!
[02:04] Ryou
    And that's your typical
    mental clinic examination.
[02:09] Asuna
    That's too ordinary!
[02:11] Ryou
    Is something wrong with being ordinary?!
[02:13] Asuna
    There were no jokes in that at all!
[02:15] Asuna
    What do you think this anime is for?!
[02:18] Asuna
    How could you use up all that
    time and achieve nothing?!
[02:22] Asuna
    What exactly do you think your job is?!
[02:25] Asuna
    But if this is a typical visit,
[02:28] Asuna
    then what would a mental clinic
    that's not typical be like?
[02:32] Ryou
    Huh?!
SIGN    A Mental Clinic That's Not Typical
[02:39] All
    Me! Me! Me!
SIGN    Tenryou
[02:42] Ryou
    Okay, Himeru-san.
[02:45] Himeru
    Y-You're billed first.
[02:46] [SONG] Text
    Billing
[02:47] Clerk
    Hello. That'll be 5,000 yen.
[02:49] Clerk
    Take care going home.
[02:51] Ryou
    Give her one cushion!
[02:52] All
    Me! Me!
[02:53] Ryou
    Okay, Sukizou-san.
[02:56] Grandpa
    The waiting room chairs are Spanish donkeys!
[02:58] Ryou
    Take one cushion from him.
[02:59] Ryou
    Next, Iyashi-san.
[03:01] Iyashi
    Okay!
[03:03] Iyashi
    It's like a host club.
[03:04] Ryou
    Okay, next...
[03:06] Ryou
    Beard-chan.
[03:07] Beard
    Okay!
[03:08] Beard
    What's wrong today?
[03:09] Ryou
    What's wrong with you?!
[03:11] Asuna
    Me! Me!
[03:13] Ryou
    Okay, Asuna-san, go ahead.
[03:14] Asuna
    The examination is like grade school!
[03:16] Doc
    Now, who can't sleep at night?
    I won't get mad, so raise your hand.
[03:20] Himeru
    E-Everyone is...
SIGN    Reception
[03:23] Himeru
    topless.
[03:24] Guy
    Is this your first visit?
[03:26] Iyashi
    Explanations are more erotic than necessary.
[03:29] Doc
    This medicine will warm
    you like a hot housewife.
[03:33] All
    Me! Me! Me!
[03:34] Grandpa
    Their street solicitation is really persistent!
[03:36] Guy
    Hey, boss! Wanna stop by?
    We've got a new nurse!
[03:39] Grandpa
    Really?!
[03:40] Himeru
    Th-They spell out the names of
    illnesses with their butts.
SIGN    Depression
[03:44] Iyashi
    In the interest of personal
    privacy, everyone wears masks.
SIGN    They talk funny
[03:47] Beard
    Are you depression?
[03:49] Beard
    I can doctor.
[03:50] Asuna
    They persistently guide you
    toward future business!
SIGN    Find out more on the WEB!!
SIGN    Mental
SIGN    Search
[03:51] Doc
    Find out more on the web!
[03:52] Sukizou
    There are two entrances!
[03:54] Sukizou
    Do they mean me or the doctor?
[03:56] Himeru
    The doctor only talks about himself.
[03:58] Doc
    So then I thought, if I just
    run alongside this river...
SIGN    Earn 10 stamps and get 5x the sleeping meds for free!
[04:01] [SONG] Text
    Examined
[04:01] Asuna
    They issue point cards!
SIGN    Prank Successful
[04:03] Iyashi
    There's someone standing
    by who makes you nervous.
SIGN    Don't Let your Dog Poop Here
[04:06] [SONG] Text
    Sleep Meds Available
    Pay Here
[04:06] [SONG] Text
    Open Air Mental Clinic
    Open: 24/7/365
    Closed: Never
    Loans available.
[04:06] Himeru
    It's 100% self-service.
[04:07] Asuna
    Their introductions are long!
[04:09] Doc
    When the doctor comes out,
    give him a round of applause!
[04:12] Himeru
    The pills are... way too big...
[04:15] Iyashi
    They can really move their hips!
[04:17] Doc
    Hey, hey!
[04:18] Ryou
    This goes way beyond "not typical"!
[04:26] Asuna
    I hope this anime broadens the appeal
    of mental clinics at least a little.
[04:31] Ryou
    Yeah...
[04:32] Ryou
    But what do we do if it actually lessens it?
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If the opposite of what you imagine keeps
    happening, visit the mental clinic!!
[04:40] ---