1 - How Do You Remedy an ED?

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 1
    "How Do You Remedy an ED?"
[00:12] Asuna
    Hi, nice to meet you!
[00:14] Asuna
    I'm Nurse Kangoshi Asuna, and I
    work at the Yuu Mental Clinic.
[00:17] Ryou
    And I'm a psychologist, Shinnai Ryou.
[00:23] Asuna
    The opening animation is only
    a service to our viewers.
[00:25] Asuna
    No sexy doctors or nurses in miniskirts
    will appear in this anime.
[00:29] Ryou
    That's fraud!
[00:30] Ryou
    Why would you betray their
    hopes in the first episode?!
[00:32] Asuna
    That's a psychologist
    for you! Nice comeback!
[00:34] Ryou
    Comebacks are not a psychologist's job!
[00:36] Asuna
    Now, we'll be kindly and warmly explaining
    psychosomatic diseases in this...
[00:41] Asuna
    hentai...
[00:42] Asuna
    anime.
[00:43] Ryou
    Don't tell the truth in a whisper!
[00:45] Asuna
    But most people know nothing
    about psychosomatic diseases.
[00:48] Ryou
    Yes, well...
[00:49] Asuna
    So is there even a need for
    psychosomatic medicine?
[00:52] Asuna
    It's about as useless as
    the hole in baumkuchen.
[00:54] Ryou
    Don't completely deny us our existence!
[00:56] Ryou
    Also, the hole in baumkuchen is
    there because it's baked on a pole!
[00:59] Ryou
    It's necessary!
[01:01] Ryou
    Actually, a survey was conducted
    among people aged 18 and up
[01:03] Ryou
    asking if they had ever had any experience
    with mental disorders before.
[01:08] Asuna
    What's a mental disorder?
[01:10] Ryou
    Mental disorders are conditions of the mind,
SIGN    Depression
SIGN    Anxiety Disorder
[01:12] ---
    such as depression, anxiety disorder,
    and panic disorder.
SIGN    Panic Disorder
SIGN    Men
[01:16] Ryou
    It turned out 16 out of
    100 men responded "yes."
[01:20] Men
    Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
[01:22] Asuna
    There are that many Christs?
[01:24] Ryou
    Not as in "Yeshua!"
[01:26] Asuna
    So are the other 84 called Ieyasu?
[01:29] Ryou
    Tokugawa Ieyasu was not among them!
[01:31] Ryou
    The average, including male and female
    responses, was about one in five.
[01:34] Asuna
    So in every group of sentai heroes,
    one suffers from a mental disorder?
[01:38] Ryou
    That's your conclusion?!
[01:39] Asuna
    I think it's most likely the blue one.
[01:41] Ryou
    Yeah, since he's so blue.
[01:42] Ryou
    No! Just shut up!
[01:43] Ryou
    Regardless, mental disorders
    are very close to all of us.
[01:47] Ryou
    So, the theme of episode 1 is...
[01:52] Girl
    Dad, are you all right?
[01:53] Dad
    I never told you before, but I'm sick.
[01:56] Girl
    With what?! What kind of sickness?!
[01:59] Dad
    ED.
[02:00] Asuna
    That's it!
[02:01] Asuna
    But what does ED stand for?
[02:03] Ryou
    ED is short for "erectile dysfunction."
[02:08] Asuna
    Oh...
[02:08] Asuna
    I thought it was short for ecchi
    dekinai (can't have sex).
[02:11] Ryou
    What are you saying?!
[02:12] Ryou
    Then the "ecchi" would just be "H"!
[02:13] Asuna
    But then it'd be "HD,"
    the same as "hard disk!"
[02:16] Asuna
    And the problem is that it can't get hard...
[02:19] Ryou
    Just shut up!
[02:19] Asuna
    Isn't that called "impotence," though?
SIGN    Impotence
[02:23] Ryou
    You really say that with no shame.
[02:25] Asuna
    Why did the name change?
[02:26] Ryou
    Because using letters of the
    alphabet softens its impression.
[02:29] Ryou
    Now, there are actually two
    broad categories of ED.
[02:32] Asuna
    I know! The one where you can't get hard,
[02:34] ---
    and the one where other parts get hard!
[02:36] Ryou
    What other parts?!
[02:37] Asuna
    Hmm... Your head?
SIGN    Grow
[02:38] Ryou
    That's terrifying!
[02:40] Ryou
    One is a type of ED caused by physical
    conditions such as diabetes.
[02:43] Ryou
    The other is psychosomatic ED.
[02:45] Ryou
    This type has become
    increasingly common lately.
[02:48] Ryou
    Most patients are not actually ill,
[02:51] Ryou
    and can become erect normally, but just not
    during intercourse with certain partners.
[02:56] Asuna
    I see. So there and more and more people
    with psychological ED popping up lately.
[03:00] Ryou
    "Popping up"?!
[03:01] Asuna
    So why is it growing so common?
[03:03] Ryou
    The first possibility is that
    they've lost confidence.
[03:07] Ryou
    The pressure to perform well in bed among
    exhaustion from work and day-to-day life
[03:11] Ryou
    turns into pressure that makes it
    even more difficult to perform.
[03:14] Ryou
    And there's one other concerning reason.
[03:16] Asuna
    What's that?
[03:17] Ryou
    When asked about their lifestyles,
[03:19] Ryou
    most said that they are turned
    on primarily by 2D characters.
[03:23] Asuna
    What?!
[03:24] Ryou
    I don't intend to make any claims
[03:25] ---
    about the causal relationship
    between that and ED,
SIGN    Pant
[03:28] Ryou
    but when they were shown a nude woman's
    photo and a high heel shoe simultaneously,
[03:32] Ryou
    many experiments resulted in men getting
    turned on just by looking at high heels.
[03:32] [SONG] Text
    Pant Pant
[03:36] Asuna
    Then if I showed you this picture with
    this face, it would turn you on?
[03:40] Ryou
    It would not!
[03:40] Ryou
    I can't get turned on by
    that face, for starters!
[03:43] Ryou
    Anyway, if one can be turned
    on only by artwork,
[03:46] Ryou
    the idea that the subject of that artwork
    = stimulation is imprinted in him,
[03:50] Ryou
    and when an actual sexual partner
    differs from that image,
[03:52] Ryou
    it may be difficult for
    him to feel turned on.
[03:55] Asuna
    What should they do, then?
[03:58] Ryou
    Well, for one, I think getting turned on by
    3D partners now and then is a good idea.
[04:02] Ryou
    They should gradually imprint scenarios as
    close as possible to reality in their minds.
[04:06] Ryou
    Of course, there's also the mental approach,
[04:08] Ryou
    in the sense of improving
    their own confidence.
[04:10] Ryou
    For example, medicine to reduce anxiety,
[04:12] Ryou
    or drugs to rectify ED, such as Viagra.
[04:15] Asuna
    Does Viagra work for the
    psychological type, too?
[04:17] Ryou
    I think the odds are high.
[04:19] Ryou
    The idea that the medicine will
    help may also relax them,
[04:23] Ryou
    reducing their psychological stress.
[04:25] Asuna
    I see!
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "ED"
    (Erectile Dysfunction)
[04:26] Ryou
    Instead of worrying about it alone,
[04:27] Ryou
    remember that you have the options
    of mental and medical treatment.
[04:30] Asuna
    Right!
[04:31] Guy
    Straight line...
[04:31] Asuna
    By the way, what about people who are
    turned on by 1D and 4D subjects?
[04:33] Guy
    I'll cross space and time
    to her younger days!
[04:36] Guy
    That's a problem in itself.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If your problems are too big,
    visit the mental clinic!
[04:40] ---