E3 - The Speedster Exorcist Ninja

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:13] Suzu
    Matsuri took my feelings into account.
[00:16] Suzu
    I should repay him.
[00:19] Suzu
    Hmm, but what can I do?
[00:24] (Flashback) Shirogane
    Take great pride in becoming my sacrifice,
[00:28] (Flashback) Shirogane
    ayakashi medium!
[00:33] Suzu
    Shirogane wants to devour me, right?
[00:36] Suzu
    If I give him something even yummier than I am,
[00:40] Suzu
    won't that solve everything?
[00:48] Suzumom
    Suzu?
[00:49] Suzumom
    What are you making at this hour?
[00:51] Suzu
    Oh, I just had a flash of inspiration.
[00:55] Suzumom
    Dango?
[01:00] Suzu
    Yum!
[01:01] Suzu
    Delicious, if I do say so myself!
[01:04] Suzu
    Okay, this should make Shirogane happy!
[01:11] Narrator
    Ayakashi.
[01:13] Narrator
    Strange beasts, invisible to man.
[01:18] Narrator
    To destroy the fiendish ayakashi
    that bare their fangs at humans,
[01:21] Narrator
    there are those who have fought
    in the shadows since time immemorial.
[01:26] Narrator
    They are known as...
[01:33] Narrator
    exorcist ninjas!
SIGN    Episode 3: "The Speedster Exorcist Ninja"
[03:28] Matsuri
    I'm still on guard when I'm sleeping, y'know.
[03:31] Shirogane
    Unhand me!
[03:32] Matsuri
    Be a good pet and behave.
[03:35] Shirogane
    Pet, my foot!
[03:36] Shirogane
    Once I return to my original form,
[03:38] Shirogane
    I will end you!
SIGN    Suzu
SIGN    Today
SIGN    How are things
     with Shirogane?
     Are you playing nice?
SIGN    Worry
SIGN    It's fine. Don't worry.
SIGN    Are you playing nice?
SIGN    Suzu
SIGN    Today
SIGN    Worry
[03:48] Shirogane
    "I'm so lucky I get to live with
    such a cute ayakashi!"
[03:52] Shirogane
    That should be your response.
[03:53] Matsuri
    Yeah, right!
[03:54] Matsuri
    And don't peek at my messages, flabster!
SIGN    Photobook
[03:58] Run
    Everyone!
[03:59] Run
    Thanks for coming to my
    nationwide tour finale here today!
[04:00] Seigen
    I never thought I'd be
    living together with you.
[04:04] Run
    Hello again! I'm Run!
[04:06] Run
    I've been looking forward
    to seeing you all so much!
[04:06] Shirogane
    You've gotten old, Kazamaki Seigen.
[04:10] Run
    I'm going to do my best to make this
    a great show, so please cheer me on!
[04:10] Shirogane
    Are you retired now?
[04:12] Seigen
    Matsuri has taken over for me.
[04:15] Seigen
    Now I just spend my days watching
    idol videos and playing games.
[04:20] Shirogane
    Your successor is a crazy one.
[04:23] Shirogane
    Who tries to make the king
    of ayakashi their pet cat?
[04:28] Matsuri
    It's not like I wanted to!
[04:31] Matsuri
    Suzu may have stopped me,
    but I wasn't gonna let you run free.
[04:36] Matsuri
    I'm just keeping you under my watch
    in exchange for sparing your life.
[04:40] Shirogane
    Making breakfast wearing an apron?
[04:43] Shirogane
    Your femininity has gone up.
[04:45] Shirogane
    Gender Swap Awakened
    is a cruel technique indeed.
[04:50] Matsuri
    I've always done the housework,
    because it's just been me and Gramps!
[05:00] Matsuri
    Come on. I made food for you, too.
[05:05] Shirogane
    What?
[05:06] Matsuri
    As an ayakashi, you don't need to eat.
[05:09] Matsuri
    But you're a part of this household now.
[05:11] Shirogane
    You...
[05:13] Shirogane
    I thought he was just an annoying brat,
[05:18] Shirogane
    but he's got a likable side to him, too.
[05:22] Matsuri
    Okay, time to eat.
[05:25] Shirogane
    How dare you serve leftover trash
    to the king of ayakashi?!
[05:27] Matsuri
    Be grateful you're getting fed at all!
[05:29] Shirogane
    What if it upsets my stomach?!
[05:33] Suzu
    Morning!
[05:34] Matsuri
    Suzu.
[05:35] Suzu
    I figured this would happen,
[05:37] Suzu
    which is why I brought a colossally
    yummy offering for Shirogane.
[05:41] Shirogane
    Hmph!
[05:42] Shirogane
    An offering? I like your attitude,
    ayakashi medium.
[05:46] Shirogane
    So, what is it?
[05:50] Suzu
    Suzu's handmade kibi dango!
[05:52] Suzu
    AKA Suzu Dango!
[05:56] Shirogane
    Kibi dango?!
[05:58] Suzu
    I looked up the recipe online.
[06:00] Suzu
    They turned out so nice, I got hooked, too.
[06:04] Shirogane
    What I truly want to eat is you!
[06:07] Shirogane
    If you think you can domesticate me
    like some stupid animal in a folktale...
[06:16] Shirogane
    This springy texture,
    much like Kanade Suzu's thighs!
[06:20] Shirogane
    This subtle sweetness!
[06:22] Shirogane
    As they're handmade, the ayakashi medium's
    life energy accentuates the flavor.
[06:28] Shirogane
    Oh, I'm head over heels!
[06:34] Suzu
    Do you like 'em?
[06:35] Shirogane
    They're so-so.
[06:37] Suzu
    I'll make some for you every day,
    so will you give up on eating me?
[06:41] Shirogane
    No way. Not happening.
[06:43] Suzu
    Tch.
SIGN    Suzu
SIGN    It's fine. Don't worry.
SIGN    If I can become true
    friends with Shirogane,
     it'll solve everything.
[06:49] Suzu
    If I can become true friends with Shirogane,
    it'll solve everything.
[06:54] Matsuri
    F-Friends? With that flabster?
[06:59] Matsuri
    What the... Are you for real, Suzu?
[07:04] Shirogane
    Give me more!
[07:05] Suzu
    Hmm, I don't know!
[07:07] Shirogane
    I want more! More!
[07:07] Seigen
    She's a brave girl.
[07:10] Seigen
    She's not at all afraid of the ayakashi
    that tried to devour her.
[07:15] Seigen
    No wonder she's your idol, the one you've
    adored and been a fan of all these years.
[07:21] Matsuri
    I-Idol? What's with that metaphor?
[07:23] Matsuri
    It's not like that.
[07:25] Seigen
    Really?
[07:27] Seigen
    When you were young,
    you were terrified of ayakashi.
[07:34] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    There!
[07:47] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    Gramps!
[07:49] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    A ghost... There's a ghost!
[07:59] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    Not again! They're so scary!
[08:02] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    Why can I see ghosts?
[08:05] (Flashback) Seigenyounger
    It means that you have the potential
    to exorcise ayakashi, too.
[08:10] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    No... I don't wanna see them...
[08:14] (Flashback) Seigenyounger
    Matsuri.
[08:16] (Flashback) Seigenyounger
    You mustn't fear them.
[08:18] (Flashback) Seigenyounger
    They like mischief.
    They'll come scare you for fun.
[08:23] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    Easy for you to say!
[08:33] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    Go away!
[08:34] (Flashback) Chochi
    Gonna eat you!
[08:37] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    Stop that, Chochi.
[08:40] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    Don't pick on him. That's mean.
[08:42] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    Come here.
[08:47] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    Sorry.
[08:48] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    He's mischievous, but he's not evil.
[08:51] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    Forgive him.
[08:55] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    Wait, can you see them?
[08:58] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri
    Y-Yeah.
[09:00] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    It's okay. Don't be afraid.
[09:04] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    Look, they're all nice.
[09:07] (Flashback) Suzuchild
    You can be friends with them, too.
[09:10] Youngmatsuri
    The ayakashi are all listening to her...
[09:15] Youngmatsuri
    Wow!
[09:17] Youngmatsuri
    She's super cool!
[09:22] Seigen
    You idolize Suzu-chan.
[09:25] Seigen
    So to keep her safe,
[09:28] Suzu
    Wow, nice catch.
[09:28] Seigen
    you would even consider
    staying as a girl forever.
[09:33] Seigen
    But...
[09:35] Seigen
    You can't remain an idol
    and her passionate fan forever.
[09:39] Seigen
    I believe it's not what she wants.
[09:42] Matsuri
    S-Seriously, what's all this
    about idols and fans?
[09:46] Seigen
    I mean you'll never get closer if you keep
    watching her from the audience seats.
[09:53] Matsuri
    What does that even mean?
[09:54] Seigen
    Sheesh.
[09:58] Matsuri
    Who's there?!
[10:05] Suzu
    Matsuri!
[10:06] Suzu
    What's wrong?
[10:08] Suzu
    A bird's feather?
[10:09] Shirogane
    No, that belongs to an ayakashi.
[10:12] Matsuri
    Damn it. Another ayakashi out to get Suzu?
[10:14] Seigen
    Not necessarily, Matsuri.
[10:18] Seigen
    It could also be a familiar—
    an ayakashi serving one of our colleagues.
[10:25] Matsuri
    Colleagues?
[10:26] Suzu
    An exorcist ninja, you mean?
[10:28] Seigen
    I hope this doesn't spell trouble...
[10:44] Ponosuke
    Master!
[10:46] Ponosuke
    My apologies, Master!
[10:48] Ponosuke
    I was spotted.
[10:50] Soga
    You naive fool.
[10:54] Soga
    We're dealing with the Kazamaki clan.
    I warned you to be careful.
[11:07] Soga
    Anyway...
[11:09] Soga
    What unfortunate news.
[11:11] Soga
    Kazamaki Matsuri... It seems...
[11:14] Soga
    I must put an end to him.
SIGN    Wanna hoop?
SIGN    Aim for Nationals!
    Soccer team looking
     for new members!
SIGN    Kendo Club
[11:23] Yayoi
    What club I should join...
    What do you think, Lu?
[11:26] Lucy
    Hmm... If there's an occult club,
    that might be good.
[11:30] Yayoi
    Suzu, Matsuri, have you two decided already?
[11:32] Suzu
    Well... I think instead of club activities,
    I'm just going straight home.
[11:36] Matsuri
    I've got stuff to do outside of school, too.
[11:38] Yayoi
    What, like a job?
[11:40] Yayoi
    Ooh, let me guess!
[11:43] Yayoi
    At a maid cafe, right?
[11:44] Matsuri
    There aren't any in this town.
[11:47] Yayoi
    Delivering things, then?
[11:49] Matsuri
    I can run faster than that.
[11:51] Lucy
    You're kinda serious, so you could make
    a great personal secretary, too.
[11:55] Matsuri
    I'm still in high school!
[11:57] Yayoi
    You know, you've got a great body,
    so how about pin-up modeling?
[12:02] Lucy
    Tomboy in a bikini! Love it!
[12:04] Matsuri
    What are you even talking about?
[12:07] Soga
    So that's Kazamaki Matsuri!
[12:09] Soga
    His form may be different, but I can tell.
[12:12] Soga
    Because...
SIGN     Six Months Ago
[12:17] (Flashback) Soga
    You're late. You were supposed
    to be here ages ago.
[12:20] (Flashback) Matsuri
    My bad. I got lost.
[12:24] (Flashback) Matsuri
    Gramps told me about you.
[12:26] (Flashback) Matsuri
    You're the heir to the lightning-fast
    Ninokuru exorcist ninja clan, right?
[12:30] (Flashback) Matsuri
    I'm Kazamaki Matsuri.
    It's my first day on the job.
[12:33] (Flashback) Matsuri
    Nice to meet you.
[12:34] (Flashback) Soga
    Nice to meet me? How asinine.
[12:36] (Flashback) Soga
    An exorcism mission isn't a picnic.
[12:39] (Flashback) Soga
    I'm simply here to lead you,
    a rookie, as ordered by the Masters.
[12:43] (Flashback) Soga
    Our sole objective is to exterminate
    the ayakashi causing harm to people.
[12:47] (Flashback) Soga
    If you hold me back,
    I won't hesitate to abandon you!
[12:51] (Flashback) Matsuri
    You...
[12:53] (Flashback) Matsuri
    You're so cool!
[12:54] (Flashback) Matsuri
    What does "assy nine" mean?!
[13:02] Soga
    Heir to the Kazamaki clan,
    a prestigious family of exorcist ninjas.
[13:06] Soga
    He's one year younger than me.
[13:08] Soga
    I thought he was just a carefree brat.
[13:11] Soga
    But...
[13:18] (Flashback) Soga
    How are things on your end, rookie?
[13:20] (Flashback) Soga
    If you're having trouble,
    I don't mind helping...
[13:27] (Flashback) Soga
    He's strong!
[13:31] (Flashback) Matsuri
    I'm not done!
[13:32] Soga
    I was convinced.
[13:34] Soga
    We could be exorcist ninja friends
    who compete with and better each other...
[13:39] Soga
    We could be rivals!
[13:42] Soga
    And yet...
[13:45] Yayoi
    Just look at how stacked you are!
[13:48] Matsuri
    Wh-Wha...
[13:49] Lucy
    Love that expression. So Grammable.
[13:51] Matsuri
    Suzu! Help!
[13:53] Suzu
    Yayo... Stop it...
[13:55] Soga
    Look at you now, my rival!
[13:58] Soga
    I was so excited when I heard
    you were coming to this school.
[14:03] Soga
    I thought we could train together.
[14:07] Ponosuke
    Master!
[14:08] Soga
    Ponosuke. Where's the target?
[14:11] Ponosuke
    Grooming himself pon a courtyard bench
    without a care in the world.
[14:15] Soga
    Are you okay with me killing him,
    the king of ayakashi?
[14:19] Ponosuke
    Pof course! You are my one
    and only master, Soga-sama.
[14:24] Soga
    I see.
[14:28] Soga
    The notorious king of ayakashi, Shirogane!
[14:32] Boy A
    Eek!
[14:34] Boy A
    This is all the money I have!
    So let me go, Ninokuru-san!
[14:37] Soga
    Don't want it.
[14:38] Ponosuke
    Master's face looks so scary,
    the students think he's a violent ponk.
[14:44] Shirogane
    Sigh, this is a problem.
[14:47] Shirogane
    As long as Matsuri holds the scroll,
    I need to keep a close eye on him.
[14:52] Shirogane
    I suppose I'll have to act like his pet
    and wait for my opportunity.
[15:00] Shirogane
    How odd.
[15:01] Shirogane
    He acts as though he can see me.
[15:05] Matsuri
    I got groped to hell and back.
[15:08] Matsuri
    Are girls always like this?
[15:10] Suzu
    Of course not.
[15:12] Matsuri
    I don't like her very much...
[15:15] Suzu
    Yayo can get a bit too touchy-feely.
[15:18] Suzu
    Anyway, where'd Shirogane go?
[15:20] Suzu
    I was gonna give him more
    kibi dangos for lunch.
[15:27] Suzu
    He can see ayakashi?
[15:30] Matsuri
    He's in this school, too?
[15:32] Suzu
    You know him?
[15:34] Soga
    Exorcist ninja...
[15:35] Soga
    Ninokuru Soga.
[15:37] Soga
    I'll finish you off in place
    of that spineless Kazamaki!
[15:41] Shirogane
    The Ninokuru clan?!
[15:44] Shirogane
    Around these parts,
[15:45] Shirogane
    they're just as well-known for exorcising
    ayakashi as the Kazamaki clan!
[15:49] Soga
    Oh? Even in his weakened state,
    he's pretty fast.
[15:56] Matsuri
    Ninokuru-senpai!
[15:57] Soga
    Kazamaki?
[15:58] Soga
    I'm so disappointed in you!
[16:01] Matsuri
    Huh?
[16:01] Soga
    Do you remember our first
    mission together, six months ago?
[16:06] Soga
    We were attacked by a surprisingly
    tough herd of ayakashi.
[16:17] (Flashback) Soga
    Kazamaki, are you alive?
[16:20] (Flashback) Matsuri
    Yeah.
[16:21] (Flashback) Matsuri
    This is a little too hardcore
    for a debut mission.
[16:25] (Flashback) Soga
    This is no time for posturing!
[16:29] (Flashback) Soga
    Leave it to me.
[16:31] (Flashback) Soga
    This mission was more than you could handle.
[16:34] (Flashback) Soga
    Run away.
[16:36] (Flashback) Matsuri
    What are you talking about?
[16:39] (Flashback) Matsuri
    Like hell I'm running away!
[16:55] (Flashback) Soga
    Let's do this!
[16:59] Soga
    What impressed me wasn't your strength.
[17:03] Soga
    It was the conviction you showed
[17:05] Soga
    to never stand for ayakashi that terrorize
    humans, no matter how dire the situation.
[17:10] Soga
    You made a mistake and got
    turned into a girl, so be it.
[17:13] Soga
    But just because you want to go back
    to being a guy, a personal reason,
[17:17] Soga
    you would let a dangerous
    ayakashi live? Inexcusable.
[17:21] Soga
    Suit up!
[17:25] Soga
    I'm going to finish him off.
[17:28] Matsuri
    Ninokuru-senpai...
[17:30] Soga
    And I'll put an end
    to the male Kazamaki Matsuri.
[17:33] Soga
    Give it up.
[17:34] Matsuri
    Hey, wai—
[17:35] Soga
    You can never match my lightning speed!
[17:40] Matsuri
    He's always so fast! Shirogane's gonna...
SIGN    SLOW DOWN
[17:52] Matsuri
    Oh, well.
[17:54] Matsuri
    That'll get rid of one threat to Suzu.
[18:00] Suzu
    If Shirogane is exorcised,
    Matsuri will be a girl forever.
[18:06] Suzu
    Please, Matsuri, bring him back
    safe and sound.
[18:11] Shirogane
    What is with that boy?
[18:13] Shirogane
    I can't reason with him!
[18:16] Shirogane
    In my original form, I would have driven
    him off with one paw tied behind my back!
[18:23] Shirogane
    I should be fine here.
[18:26] Shirogane
    Phew, I'll give you a break for today.
[18:34] Shirogane
    Give me a break!
[18:36] Soga
    Die!
[18:38] Soga
    Oh, you dodged that attack?
[18:41] Shirogane
    I-It was just dumb luck!
[18:44] Soga
    The next one won't miss.
[18:46] Soga
    You've used up the last of your nine lives!
[18:54] Soga
    The wind?
SIGN    DANGER SLOW DOWN
[18:56] Soga
    He used it to fly and took
    the shortest route here?
[19:00] Matsuri
    Sorry, Ninokuru-senpai.
[19:02] Matsuri
    I really can't have him dying on me.
[19:04] Soga
    You choose your own circumstances
    over your duty as an exorcist ninja?
[19:13] Soga
    I came to respect you
[19:15] Soga
    because I felt that
    endlessly blazing hurricane
[19:18] Soga
    blowing inside of you!
[19:21] Matsuri
    Ninokuru-senpai...
[19:27] Matsuri
    I have this stubborn
    childhood friend, you see.
[19:29] Soga
    What of it?
[19:33] Matsuri
    She—Kanade Suzu—is an ayakashi medium.
[19:39] Sogo
    An ayakashi medium?!
[19:40] Matsuri
    So this guy's out to get her.
[19:43] Matsuri
    He wants to devour Suzu's haku
[19:45] Matsuri
    to return to his original self.
[19:49] Matsuri
    And yet, she...
[19:52] Matsuri
    She's seriously trying to become
    friends with Shirogane!
[19:57] Matsuri
    All so I can go back to being a guy.
[20:00] Matsuri
    I still think there's no
    middle ground with him,
[20:03] Matsuri
    and that he should be exterminated.
[20:06] Matsuri
    But I don't wanna go against her wishes.
[20:12] Matsuri
    Because Suzu's existence
    is the eye of my hurricane!
[20:18] Soga
    You'll let Shirogane live
    for the sake of that ayakashi medium?
[20:23] Soga
    You naive fool.
[20:24] Soga
    Then,
[20:25] Soga
    you leave me no choice!
[20:32] Soga
    I-I-I-I'll defeat you, and...
[20:41] Soga
    Fine, I understand your reasoning!
    I'm putting this matter on hold!
[20:45] Matsuri
    Huh? H-Hey! What's gotten into you?!
[20:47] Shirogane
    It's because you gave him
    an eyeful of your panties!
[20:50] Shirogane
    Scandalous!
[20:54] Ponosuke
    Did you exporcise him, Master?
[20:57] Soga
    I'm a naive fool!
SIGN    m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
SIGN    m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
SIGN    Ninokuru Soga
     has zero experience
     with women.
[21:06] Suzu
    Matsuri!
[21:07] Matsuri
    Hey.
[21:09] Shirogane
    Wha...
[21:10] Shirogane
    What are you doing?!
[21:11] Suzu
    I'm so glad you're okay.
[21:13] Shirogane
    Unhand me, girl!
[21:16] Suzu
    You must be hungry.
[21:18] Suzu
    Here.
[21:20] Shirogane
    Chomp, chomp, gulp!
[21:21] Suzu
    Good?
[21:22] Shirogane
    I went through hell today,
    so I'm only eating to feel alive!
[21:28] Shirogane
    Ah, the ayakashi medium's
    life energy is filling me up!
[21:33] Suzu
    Tch. I'll have to experiment more.
[21:35] Matsuri
    Hey, not an ounce of concern for me?
[21:38] Suzu
    Thanks, Matsuri.
[21:41] Suzu
    I...
[21:42] Suzu
    I promise I'll become friends
    with him. You'll see.
[21:53] Shirogane
    Give me more!
[21:56] Suzu
    Eek.
[21:57] Matsuri
    In the end, nothing's changed,
    but that's fine.
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    The Melancholy
    of the Ayakashi Medium