# E3 - The Speedster Exorcist Ninja
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G14U4MZMM/the-speedster-exorcist-ninja)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:13] Suzu**
*Matsuri took my feelings into account.*
**[00:16] Suzu**
*I should repay him.*
**[00:19] Suzu**
Hmm, but what can I do?
**[00:24] (Flashback) Shirogane**
Take great pride in becoming my sacrifice,
**[00:28] (Flashback) Shirogane**
ayakashi medium!
**[00:33] Suzu**
Shirogane wants to devour me, right?
**[00:36] Suzu**
If I give him something even yummier than I am,
**[00:40] Suzu**
won't that solve everything?
**[00:48] Suzumom**
Suzu?
**[00:49] Suzumom**
What are you making at this hour?
**[00:51] Suzu**
Oh, I just had a flash of inspiration.
**[00:55] Suzumom**
Dango?
**[01:00] Suzu**
Yum!
**[01:01] Suzu**
Delicious, if I do say so myself!
**[01:04] Suzu**
Okay, this should make Shirogane happy!
**[01:11] Narrator**
Ayakashi.
**[01:13] Narrator**
Strange beasts, invisible to man.
**[01:18] Narrator**
To destroy the fiendish ayakashi
that bare their fangs at humans,
**[01:21] Narrator**
there are those who have fought
in the shadows since time immemorial.
**[01:26] Narrator**
They are known as...
**[01:33] Narrator**
exorcist ninjas!
***SIGN*** Episode 3: "The Speedster Exorcist Ninja"
**[03:28] Matsuri**
I'm still on guard when I'm sleeping, y'know.
**[03:31] Shirogane**
Unhand me!
**[03:32] Matsuri**
Be a good pet and behave.
**[03:35] Shirogane**
Pet, my foot!
**[03:36] Shirogane**
Once I return to my original form,
**[03:38] Shirogane**
I will end you!
***SIGN*** Suzu
***SIGN*** Today
***SIGN*** How are things
with Shirogane?
Are you playing nice?
***SIGN*** Worry
***SIGN*** It's fine. Don't worry.
***SIGN*** Are you playing nice?
***SIGN*** Suzu
***SIGN*** Today
***SIGN*** Worry
**[03:48] Shirogane**
"I'm so lucky I get to live with
such a cute ayakashi!"
**[03:52] Shirogane**
That should be your response.
**[03:53] Matsuri**
Yeah, right!
**[03:54] Matsuri**
And don't peek at my messages, flabster!
***SIGN*** Photobook
**[03:58] Run**
*Everyone!*
**[03:59] Run**
* Thanks for coming to my*
* nationwide tour finale here today!*
**[04:00] Seigen**
I never thought I'd be
living together with you.
**[04:04] Run**
*Hello again! I'm Run!*
**[04:06] Run**
* I've been looking forward*
* to seeing you all so much!*
**[04:06] Shirogane**
You've gotten old, Kazamaki Seigen.
**[04:10] Run**
* I'm going to do my best to make this*
* a great show, so please cheer me on!*
**[04:10] Shirogane**
Are you retired now?
**[04:12] Seigen**
Matsuri has taken over for me.
**[04:15] Seigen**
Now I just spend my days watching
idol videos and playing games.
**[04:20] Shirogane**
Your successor is a crazy one.
**[04:23] Shirogane**
Who tries to make the king
of ayakashi their pet cat?
**[04:28] Matsuri**
It's not like I wanted to!
**[04:31] Matsuri**
Suzu may have stopped me,
but I wasn't gonna let you run free.
**[04:36] Matsuri**
I'm just keeping you under my watch
in exchange for sparing your life.
**[04:40] Shirogane**
Making breakfast wearing an apron?
**[04:43] Shirogane**
Your femininity has gone up.
**[04:45] Shirogane**
Gender Swap Awakened
is a cruel technique indeed.
**[04:50] Matsuri**
I've always done the housework,
because it's just been me and Gramps!
**[05:00] Matsuri**
Come on. I made food for you, too.
**[05:05] Shirogane**
What?
**[05:06] Matsuri**
As an ayakashi, you don't need to eat.
**[05:09] Matsuri**
But you're a part of this household now.
**[05:11] Shirogane**
You...
**[05:13] Shirogane**
*I thought he was just an annoying brat,*
**[05:18] Shirogane**
*but he's got a likable side to him, too.*
**[05:22] Matsuri**
Okay, time to eat.
**[05:25] Shirogane**
How dare you serve leftover trash
to the king of ayakashi?!
**[05:27] Matsuri**
Be grateful you're getting fed at all!
**[05:29] Shirogane**
What if it upsets my stomach?!
**[05:33] Suzu**
Morning!
**[05:34] Matsuri**
Suzu.
**[05:35] Suzu**
I figured this would happen,
**[05:37] Suzu**
which is why I brought a colossally
yummy offering for Shirogane.
**[05:41] Shirogane**
Hmph!
**[05:42] Shirogane**
An offering? I like your attitude,
ayakashi medium.
**[05:46] Shirogane**
So, what is it?
**[05:50] Suzu**
Suzu's handmade kibi dango!
**[05:52] Suzu**
AKA Suzu Dango!
**[05:56] Shirogane**
Kibi dango?!
**[05:58] Suzu**
I looked up the recipe online.
**[06:00] Suzu**
They turned out so nice, I got hooked, too.
**[06:04] Shirogane**
What I truly want to eat is you!
**[06:07] Shirogane**
If you think you can domesticate me
like some stupid animal in a folktale...
**[06:16] Shirogane**
* This springy texture,*
* much like Kanade Suzu's thighs!*
**[06:20] Shirogane**
*This subtle sweetness!*
**[06:22] Shirogane**
* As they're handmade, the ayakashi medium's*
* life energy accentuates the flavor.*
**[06:28] Shirogane**
*Oh, I'm head over heels!*
**[06:34] Suzu**
Do you like 'em?
**[06:35] Shirogane**
They're so-so.
**[06:37] Suzu**
I'll make some for you every day,
so will you give up on eating me?
**[06:41] Shirogane**
No way. Not happening.
**[06:43] Suzu**
Tch.
***SIGN*** Suzu
***SIGN*** It's fine. Don't worry.
***SIGN*** If I can become true
friends with Shirogane,
it'll solve everything.
**[06:49] Suzu**
* If I can become true friends with Shirogane,*
* it'll solve everything.*
**[06:54] Matsuri**
F-Friends? With that flabster?
**[06:59] Matsuri**
*What the... Are you for real, Suzu?*
**[07:04] Shirogane**
Give me more!
**[07:05] Suzu**
Hmm, I don't know!
**[07:07] Shirogane**
I want more! More!
**[07:07] Seigen**
She's a brave girl.
**[07:10] Seigen**
She's not at all afraid of the ayakashi
that tried to devour her.
**[07:15] Seigen**
No wonder she's your idol, the one you've
adored and been a fan of all these years.
**[07:21] Matsuri**
I-Idol? What's with that metaphor?
**[07:23] Matsuri**
It's not like that.
**[07:25] Seigen**
Really?
**[07:27] Seigen**
When you were young,
you were terrified of ayakashi.
**[07:34] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
There!
**[07:47] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
Gramps!
**[07:49] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
A ghost... There's a ghost!
**[07:59] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
Not again! They're so scary!
**[08:02] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
Why can I see ghosts?
**[08:05] (Flashback) Seigenyounger**
It means that you have the potential
to exorcise ayakashi, too.
**[08:10] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
No... I don't wanna see them...
**[08:14] (Flashback) Seigenyounger**
Matsuri.
**[08:16] (Flashback) Seigenyounger**
You mustn't fear them.
**[08:18] (Flashback) Seigenyounger**
They like mischief.
They'll come scare you for fun.
**[08:23] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
Easy for you to say!
**[08:33] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
Go away!
**[08:34] (Flashback) Chochi**
Gonna eat you!
**[08:37] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
Stop that, Chochi.
**[08:40] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
Don't pick on him. That's mean.
**[08:42] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
Come here.
**[08:47] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
Sorry.
**[08:48] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
He's mischievous, but he's not evil.
**[08:51] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
Forgive him.
**[08:55] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
Wait, can you see them?
**[08:58] (Flashback) Youngmatsuri**
Y-Yeah.
**[09:00] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
It's okay. Don't be afraid.
**[09:04] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
Look, they're all nice.
**[09:07] (Flashback) Suzuchild**
You can be friends with them, too.
**[09:10] Youngmatsuri**
*The ayakashi are all listening to her...*
**[09:15] Youngmatsuri**
*Wow!*
**[09:17] Youngmatsuri**
*She's super cool!*
**[09:22] Seigen**
You idolize Suzu-chan.
**[09:25] Seigen**
So to keep her safe,
**[09:28] Suzu**
Wow, nice catch.
**[09:28] Seigen**
you would even consider
staying as a girl forever.
**[09:33] Seigen**
But...
**[09:35] Seigen**
You can't remain an idol
and her passionate fan forever.
**[09:39] Seigen**
I believe it's not what she wants.
**[09:42] Matsuri**
S-Seriously, what's all this
about idols and fans?
**[09:46] Seigen**
I mean you'll never get closer if you keep
watching her from the audience seats.
**[09:53] Matsuri**
What does that even mean?
**[09:54] Seigen**
Sheesh.
**[09:58] Matsuri**
Who's there?!
**[10:05] Suzu**
Matsuri!
**[10:06] Suzu**
What's wrong?
**[10:08] Suzu**
A bird's feather?
**[10:09] Shirogane**
No, that belongs to an ayakashi.
**[10:12] Matsuri**
Damn it. Another ayakashi out to get Suzu?
**[10:14] Seigen**
Not necessarily, Matsuri.
**[10:18] Seigen**
It could also be a familiar—
an ayakashi serving one of our colleagues.
**[10:25] Matsuri**
Colleagues?
**[10:26] Suzu**
An exorcist ninja, you mean?
**[10:28] Seigen**
I hope this doesn't spell trouble...
**[10:44] Ponosuke**
Master!
**[10:46] Ponosuke**
My apologies, Master!
**[10:48] Ponosuke**
I was spotted.
**[10:50] Soga**
You naive fool.
**[10:54] Soga**
We're dealing with the Kazamaki clan.
I warned you to be careful.
**[11:07] Soga**
Anyway...
**[11:09] Soga**
What unfortunate news.
**[11:11] Soga**
Kazamaki Matsuri... It seems...
**[11:14] Soga**
I must put an end to him.
***SIGN*** Wanna hoop?
***SIGN*** Aim for Nationals!
Soccer team looking
for new members!
***SIGN*** Kendo Club
**[11:23] Yayoi**
What club I should join...
What do you think, Lu?
**[11:26] Lucy**
Hmm... If there's an occult club,
that might be good.
**[11:30] Yayoi**
Suzu, Matsuri, have you two decided already?
**[11:32] Suzu**
Well... I think instead of club activities,
I'm just going straight home.
**[11:36] Matsuri**
I've got stuff to do outside of school, too.
**[11:38] Yayoi**
What, like a job?
**[11:40] Yayoi**
Ooh, let me guess!
**[11:43] Yayoi**
At a maid cafe, right?
**[11:44] Matsuri**
There aren't any in this town.
**[11:47] Yayoi**
Delivering things, then?
**[11:49] Matsuri**
I can run faster than that.
**[11:51] Lucy**
You're kinda serious, so you could make
a great personal secretary, too.
**[11:55] Matsuri**
I'm still in high school!
**[11:57] Yayoi**
You know, you've got a great body,
so how about pin-up modeling?
**[12:02] Lucy**
Tomboy in a bikini! Love it!
**[12:04] Matsuri**
What are you even talking about?
**[12:07] Soga**
*So that's Kazamaki Matsuri!*
**[12:09] Soga**
*His form may be different, but I can tell.*
**[12:12] Soga**
*Because...*
***SIGN*** Six Months Ago
**[12:17] (Flashback) Soga**
You're late. You were supposed
to be here ages ago.
**[12:20] (Flashback) Matsuri**
My bad. I got lost.
**[12:24] (Flashback) Matsuri**
Gramps told me about you.
**[12:26] (Flashback) Matsuri**
You're the heir to the lightning-fast
Ninokuru exorcist ninja clan, right?
**[12:30] (Flashback) Matsuri**
I'm Kazamaki Matsuri.
It's my first day on the job.
**[12:33] (Flashback) Matsuri**
Nice to meet you.
**[12:34] (Flashback) Soga**
Nice to meet me? How asinine.
**[12:36] (Flashback) Soga**
An exorcism mission isn't a picnic.
**[12:39] (Flashback) Soga**
I'm simply here to lead you,
a rookie, as ordered by the Masters.
**[12:43] (Flashback) Soga**
Our sole objective is to exterminate
the ayakashi causing harm to people.
**[12:47] (Flashback) Soga**
If you hold me back,
I won't hesitate to abandon you!
**[12:51] (Flashback) Matsuri**
You...
**[12:53] (Flashback) Matsuri**
You're so cool!
**[12:54] (Flashback) Matsuri**
What does "assy nine" mean?!
**[13:02] Soga**
* Heir to the Kazamaki clan,*
* a prestigious family of exorcist ninjas.*
**[13:06] Soga**
*He's one year younger than me.*
**[13:08] Soga**
*I thought he was just a carefree brat.*
**[13:11] Soga**
*But...*
**[13:18] (Flashback) Soga**
How are things on your end, rookie?
**[13:20] (Flashback) Soga**
If you're having trouble,
I don't mind helping...
**[13:27] (Flashback) Soga**
He's strong!
**[13:31] (Flashback) Matsuri**
I'm not done!
**[13:32] Soga**
*I was convinced.*
**[13:34] Soga**
* We could be exorcist ninja friends*
* who compete with and better each other...*
**[13:39] Soga**
*We could be rivals!*
**[13:42] Soga**
*And yet...*
**[13:45] Yayoi**
Just look at how stacked you are!
**[13:48] Matsuri**
Wh-Wha...
**[13:49] Lucy**
Love that expression. So Grammable.
**[13:51] Matsuri**
Suzu! Help!
**[13:53] Suzu**
Yayo... Stop it...
**[13:55] Soga**
*Look at you now, my rival!*
**[13:58] Soga**
* I was so excited when I heard*
* you were coming to this school.*
**[14:03] Soga**
*I thought we could train together.*
**[14:07] Ponosuke**
Master!
**[14:08] Soga**
Ponosuke. Where's the target?
**[14:11] Ponosuke**
Grooming himself pon a courtyard bench
without a care in the world.
**[14:15] Soga**
Are you okay with me killing him,
the king of ayakashi?
**[14:19] Ponosuke**
Pof course! You are my one
and only master, Soga-sama.
**[14:24] Soga**
I see.
**[14:28] Soga**
*The notorious king of ayakashi, Shirogane!*
**[14:32] Boy A**
Eek!
**[14:34] Boy A**
This is all the money I have!
So let me go, Ninokuru-san!
**[14:37] Soga**
Don't want it.
**[14:38] Ponosuke**
* Master's face looks so scary,*
* the students think he's a violent ponk.*
**[14:44] Shirogane**
Sigh, this is a problem.
**[14:47] Shirogane**
* As long as Matsuri holds the scroll,*
* I need to keep a close eye on him.*
**[14:52] Shirogane**
* I suppose I'll have to act like his pet*
* and wait for my opportunity.*
**[15:00] Shirogane**
*How odd.*
**[15:01] Shirogane**
*He acts as though he can see me.*
**[15:05] Matsuri**
I got groped to hell and back.
**[15:08] Matsuri**
Are girls always like this?
**[15:10] Suzu**
Of course not.
**[15:12] Matsuri**
I don't like her very much...
**[15:15] Suzu**
Yayo can get a bit too touchy-feely.
**[15:18] Suzu**
Anyway, where'd Shirogane go?
**[15:20] Suzu**
I was gonna give him more
kibi dangos for lunch.
**[15:27] Suzu**
He can see ayakashi?
**[15:30] Matsuri**
He's in this school, too?
**[15:32] Suzu**
You know him?
**[15:34] Soga**
Exorcist ninja...
**[15:35] Soga**
Ninokuru Soga.
**[15:37] Soga**
I'll finish you off in place
of that spineless Kazamaki!
**[15:41] Shirogane**
*The Ninokuru clan?!*
**[15:44] Shirogane**
*Around these parts,*
**[15:45] Shirogane**
* they're just as well-known for exorcising*
* ayakashi as the Kazamaki clan!*
**[15:49] Soga**
Oh? Even in his weakened state,
he's pretty fast.
**[15:56] Matsuri**
Ninokuru-senpai!
**[15:57] Soga**
Kazamaki?
**[15:58] Soga**
I'm so disappointed in you!
**[16:01] Matsuri**
Huh?
**[16:01] Soga**
Do you remember our first
mission together, six months ago?
**[16:06] Soga**
We were attacked by a surprisingly
tough herd of ayakashi.
**[16:17] (Flashback) Soga**
Kazamaki, are you alive?
**[16:20] (Flashback) Matsuri**
Yeah.
**[16:21] (Flashback) Matsuri**
This is a little too hardcore
for a debut mission.
**[16:25] (Flashback) Soga**
This is no time for posturing!
**[16:29] (Flashback) Soga**
Leave it to me.
**[16:31] (Flashback) Soga**
This mission was more than you could handle.
**[16:34] (Flashback) Soga**
Run away.
**[16:36] (Flashback) Matsuri**
What are you talking about?
**[16:39] (Flashback) Matsuri**
Like hell I'm running away!
**[16:55] (Flashback) Soga**
Let's do this!
**[16:59] Soga**
What impressed me wasn't your strength.
**[17:03] Soga**
It was the conviction you showed
**[17:05] Soga**
to never stand for ayakashi that terrorize
humans, no matter how dire the situation.
**[17:10] Soga**
You made a mistake and got
turned into a girl, so be it.
**[17:13] Soga**
But just because you want to go back
to being a guy, a personal reason,
**[17:17] Soga**
you would let a dangerous
ayakashi live? Inexcusable.
**[17:21] Soga**
Suit up!
**[17:25] Soga**
I'm going to finish him off.
**[17:28] Matsuri**
Ninokuru-senpai...
**[17:30] Soga**
And I'll put an end
to the male Kazamaki Matsuri.
**[17:33] Soga**
Give it up.
**[17:34] Matsuri**
Hey, wai—
**[17:35] Soga**
*You can never match my lightning speed!*
**[17:40] Matsuri**
*He's always so fast! Shirogane's gonna...*
***SIGN*** SLOW DOWN
**[17:52] Matsuri**
Oh, well.
**[17:54] Matsuri**
That'll get rid of one threat to Suzu.
**[18:00] Suzu**
If Shirogane is exorcised,
Matsuri will be a girl forever.
**[18:06] Suzu**
Please, Matsuri, bring him back
safe and sound.
**[18:11] Shirogane**
*What is with that boy?*
**[18:13] Shirogane**
*I can't reason with him!*
**[18:16] Shirogane**
* In my original form, I would have driven*
* him off with one paw tied behind my back!*
**[18:23] Shirogane**
I should be fine here.
**[18:26] Shirogane**
Phew, I'll give you a break for today.
**[18:34] Shirogane**
Give *me* a break!
**[18:36] Soga**
Die!
**[18:38] Soga**
Oh, you dodged that attack?
**[18:41] Shirogane**
*I-It was just dumb luck!*
**[18:44] Soga**
The next one won't miss.
**[18:46] Soga**
You've used up the last of your nine lives!
**[18:54] Soga**
The wind?
***SIGN*** DANGER SLOW DOWN
**[18:56] Soga**
* He used it to fly and took*
* the shortest route here?*
**[19:00] Matsuri**
Sorry, Ninokuru-senpai.
**[19:02] Matsuri**
I really can't have him dying on me.
**[19:04] Soga**
You choose your own circumstances
over your duty as an exorcist ninja?
**[19:13] Soga**
I came to respect you
**[19:15] Soga**
because I felt that
endlessly blazing hurricane
**[19:18] Soga**
blowing inside of you!
**[19:21] Matsuri**
Ninokuru-senpai...
**[19:27] Matsuri**
I have this stubborn
childhood friend, you see.
**[19:29] Soga**
What of it?
**[19:33] Matsuri**
She—Kanade Suzu—is an ayakashi medium.
**[19:39] Sogo**
An ayakashi medium?!
**[19:40] Matsuri**
So this guy's out to get her.
**[19:43] Matsuri**
He wants to devour Suzu's haku
**[19:45] Matsuri**
to return to his original self.
**[19:49] Matsuri**
And yet, she...
**[19:52] Matsuri**
She's seriously trying to become
friends with Shirogane!
**[19:57] Matsuri**
All so I can go back to being a guy.
**[20:00] Matsuri**
I still think there's no
middle ground with him,
**[20:03] Matsuri**
and that he should be exterminated.
**[20:06] Matsuri**
But I don't wanna go against her wishes.
**[20:12] Matsuri**
Because Suzu's existence
is the eye of my hurricane!
**[20:18] Soga**
You'll let Shirogane live
for the sake of that ayakashi medium?
**[20:23] Soga**
You naive fool.
**[20:24] Soga**
Then,
**[20:25] Soga**
you leave me no choice!
**[20:32] Soga**
I-I-I-I'll defeat you, and...
**[20:41] Soga**
Fine, I understand your reasoning!
I'm putting this matter on hold!
**[20:45] Matsuri**
Huh? H-Hey! What's gotten into you?!
**[20:47] Shirogane**
It's because you gave him
an eyeful of your panties!
**[20:50] Shirogane**
Scandalous!
**[20:54] Ponosuke**
Did you exporcise him, Master?
**[20:57] Soga**
I'm a naive fool!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Ninokuru Soga
has zero experience
with women.
**[21:06] Suzu**
Matsuri!
**[21:07] Matsuri**
Hey.
**[21:09] Shirogane**
Wha...
**[21:10] Shirogane**
What are you doing?!
**[21:11] Suzu**
I'm so glad you're okay.
**[21:13] Shirogane**
Unhand me, girl!
**[21:16] Suzu**
You must be hungry.
**[21:18] Suzu**
Here.
**[21:20] Shirogane**
Chomp, chomp, gulp!
**[21:21] Suzu**
Good?
**[21:22] Shirogane**
I went through hell today,
so I'm only eating to feel alive!
**[21:28] Shirogane**
* Ah, the ayakashi medium's*
* life energy is filling me up!*
**[21:33] Suzu**
Tch. I'll have to experiment more.
**[21:35] Matsuri**
Hey, not an ounce of concern for me?
**[21:38] Suzu**
Thanks, Matsuri.
**[21:41] Suzu**
I...
**[21:42] Suzu**
I promise I'll become friends
with him. You'll see.
**[21:53] Shirogane**
Give me more!
**[21:56] Suzu**
Eek.
**[21:57] Matsuri**
* In the end, nothing's changed,*
* but that's fine.*
***SIGN*** Next Episode
***SIGN*** The Melancholy
of the Ayakashi Medium