E1 - The Eccentric Driver

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:53] News
    And now for the news.
[01:55] News
    A high school girl has gone
    missing in Nerima City, Tokyo.
SIGN    Tea
SIGN    High School Student Goes Missing in Nerima
[02:00] News
    She has been unreachable
[02:01] News
    since she left her home late
    at night on the 4th of this month.
[02:04] News
    The police believe she may
    have been involved in an incident.
[02:09] Shibagaki
    We, the Homosapiens, just received
    the results of Round 1 of the N-1.
SIGN    Oral Medicine
     Odokawa
[02:14] Baba
    And would you believe it? We passed!
[02:15] Shibagaki
    Of course we did.
[02:16] Shibagaki
    Even amateurs could make it past Round 1.
[02:18] Shibagaki
    Where do you think the finish line is?
[02:20] Baba
    But last year, we failed in Round 2.
[02:22] Shibagaki
    After ten years in the business,
    I can't believe we suffered that indignity.
SIGN    The Eccentric Driver
[02:24] Shibagaki
    Crap. Just thinking about it pisses me off.
[02:26] Baba
    Now, now...
[02:27] Shibagaki
    Seriously, why? Those judges have
    no idea what they were talking about.
[02:29] Baba
    Don't start.
[02:30] Shibagaki
    I smell collusion.
SIGN    Privately-Owned Taxi
[02:32] Shibagaki
    In the first place, why are we being judged
    by guys who are less funny than us?
[02:35] Baba
    Hey, look! Uh, we've received some fan mail.
[02:37] Baba
    It's from high school student
    Satoshi Nagashima-kun from Tokyo.
[02:40] Baba
    "Good evening. I went to see Round 1."
[02:43] Baba
    "Simply put, your jokes aren't funny."
SIGN    Good Luck Charm
SIGN    Safe Driving
[02:47] Baba
    "A whole minute passed before
    you made your first joke."
[02:49] Baba
    "Then you failed to follow up on it while
    making the same jokes over and over again,
[02:53] Baba
    resulting in waves of uneasy laughter."
[02:55] Baba
    "Just watching you guys made me anxious."
[02:58] Baba
    "You should come up with better jokes
    more appropriate for a prize competition."
[03:02] Shibagaki
    Who the hell is this guy?
[03:03] Baba
    Moving on! Let's listen to some music.
[03:05] Baba
    This is Mystery Kiss' debut single,
    "Supernatural Love Phenomenon."
[04:27] Odokawa
    Where to?
[04:29] Kabasawa
    Nerima.
[04:42] Kabasawa
    Could you turn off the radio?
[04:45] Kabasawa
    I'm trying to think.
[04:56] Man B
    One more bar.
SIGN    Goo Goo Curry
[05:04] Kabasawa
    Driver, has anything interesting
    happened to you recently?
[05:10] Odokawa
    Interesting? Uh...
[05:23] Kabasawa
    Time's up.
[05:25] Kabasawa
    I'm starting to realize
    I wasn't that interested
[05:27] Kabasawa
    in hearing the answer to my own question.
[05:32] Odokawa
    When someone asks me a question,
    I come up with about five possible answers.
[05:35] Odokawa
    It takes time for me to choose the best
    answer that also won't offend anyone.
[05:42] Odokawa
    I bet you respond quickly with
     whatever pops into your head first,
[05:44] Odokawa
    without considering your answer carefully.
[05:46] Kabasawa
    You've already offended me with your words.
[05:50] Odokawa
    Why'd you ask if anything
    interesting has happened?
[05:53] Kabasawa
    I'm trying to go viral.
[05:54] Odokawa
    Viral?
[05:56] Kabasawa
    I want my posts to be spread
    all over social media.
[06:00] Odokawa
    Why?
[06:01] Kabasawa
    Why? Because my friends have.
[06:05] Odokawa
    You're sure wasting your time
    on pointless shit, huh?
[06:07] Kabasawa
    It's not pointless. It's important.
[06:10] Kabasawa
    Likes and followers
    represent a person's worth.
[06:13] Kabasawa
    They're even used as evaluation
    criteria by job recruiters.
[06:16] Odokawa
    Huh. What kind of posts go viral?
[06:20] Kabasawa
    Posts that make people laugh.
[06:23] Kabasawa
    Emotional posts, refreshing posts
    about poetic justice.
[06:27] Kabasawa
    Also, posts about foreigners'
    perspectives on gender in Japan.
[06:32] Odokawa
    Like what?
[06:33] Kabasawa
    For example...
[06:35] Kabasawa
    "The other day, I overheard this conversation
    take place at the table next to me
SIGN    Taikichi
SIGN    6 hours ago
[06:37] Kabasawa
    while working on a manuscript at Starbucks:
[06:39] Kabasawa
    'Man, I don't want to go to the dentist.'
SIGN    A: "Man, I don't want to go to the dentist."
SIGN    B: "Having lots of cavities is an indication that you're loved.
[06:41] Kabasawa
    'Having lots of cavities is
    an indication that you're loved.'
SIGN    It means your parents fed you mouth-to-mouth
[06:44] Kabasawa
    'It means your parents
    fed you mouth-to-mouth
[06:47] Kabasawa
    or shared a spoon with you
    when you were a kid.'
SIGN    or shared a spoon with you when you were a kid."
SIGN    A: "Seriously?"
[06:50] Kabasawa
    'Seriously?'
SIGN    B: "By the way, I have zero cavities."
[06:51] Kabasawa
    'By the way, I have zero cavities.'
[06:54] Kabasawa
    That exchange between two
    handsome high school boys
[06:56] Kabasawa
    was so overwhelmingly precious
    that I wanted to hug them."
[07:00] Odokawa
    Sounds gross.
[07:02] Odokawa
    It's unnecessary to show off
    that they're a creative
[07:04] Odokawa
    by saying they were writing a manuscript.
[07:05] Odokawa
    Plus, you can practically hear them saying,
[07:07] Odokawa
    "Not only did I witness this amusing scene,
[07:09] Odokawa
    but my retelling of it is so pithy.
    How great is my taste?"
[07:11] Odokawa
    Can't even hide their own vanity. It's gross.
[07:14] Kabasawa
    You're really not afraid
    to hate on stuff, are you?
[07:19] Odokawa
    Well, it's not like you
    can make something up.
[07:22] Kabasawa
    Sure you can. This post is
     probably made up, too.
[07:25] Odokawa
    And you're okay with that?
[07:27] Kabasawa
    Oh! I just got a great idea.
[07:29] Kabasawa
    Driver, could you take
    a selfie of us together?
[07:32] Odokawa
    Will that go viral?
[07:33] Kabasawa
    Just do it.
[07:39] Kabasawa
    Done. Look.
SIGN    Taichi Kabasawa
SIGN    10 seconds ago
SIGN    Hold on lol I was telling my taxi driver that I was having trouble finding a job, so he took my phone and was like, "Check this out; it'll cheer you up," and took a picture of us lmao
SIGN    Hold on lol I was telling my taxi driver that I was having trouble finding a job, so he took my phone and was like, "Check this out; it'll cheer you up," and took a picture of us lmao
[07:50] Odokawa
    That's going to go viral?
[07:52] Kabasawa
    Wholesome posts tend to go viral, too.
[07:54] Kabasawa
    Anyway, you picked up
    the term "viral" quickly.
[07:57] Odokawa
    Shouldn't you blur the faces?
[07:58] Kabasawa
    You mean yours?
[08:00] Kabasawa
    I guess some people
    don't like this kind of thing.
[08:02] Odokawa
    No, yours.
[08:03] Kabasawa
    Why would I blur mine?
[08:05] Kabasawa
    Are you saying I'm deceased
    or that my face is indecent?
[08:22] Kenshiro
    Oh. It's you, Odokawa.
[08:24] Odokawa
    What's that mean?
[08:25] Odokawa
    I've got a passenger. Make it quick.
[08:30] Kenshiro
    Have you seen this guy?
[08:33] Odokawa
    That's odd. Aren't you friends with him?
[08:38] Kenshiro
    I'm asking for convenience's
    sake. Use your head.
[08:40] Koshiro
    What's he mean, Bro?
[08:43] Kenshiro
    Ah, Little Bro. This guy's crazy.
[08:45] Odokawa
    Are we done here?
[08:46] Odokawa
    Can't you brothers wait
    until you're home to argue?
[08:50] Kenshiro
    We're good. Get outta here.
[08:57] Koshiro
    Hey, Bro.
[08:59] Koshiro
    What did he mean when he said you
    and this wanted criminal are friends?
[09:03] Kenshiro
    Listen, Little Bro. Don't listen to a word that
    comes outta that taxi driver's mouth.
[09:08] Koshiro
    Yeah, I mean, he's a taxi driver.
[09:12] Kenshiro
    Yup. That loathsome taxi driver
     tells lies like it's no big deal.
[09:17] Koshiro
    What an awful guy.
[09:19] Kabasawa
    Man, I should've taken a picture of that.
[09:22] Kabasawa
    It looked like something
    you'd see in a drama.
[09:25] Odokawa
    I don't like him.
[09:28] Odokawa
    He's anal about stupid little details.
[09:31] Kabasawa
    You do have a license, don't you?
[09:32] Odokawa
    Yeah. I guessed on the vision test, though.
[09:35] Kabasawa
    That's hardly a minor detail.
[09:36] Kabasawa
    I'm scared, now.
[09:39] Odokawa
    You'll be fine. I've got night blindness.
[09:41] Kabasawa
    That's even worse!
[09:50] Kabasawa
    So, why'd you become a taxi driver?
[10:11] Kabasawa
    Time's up.
[10:15] Kabasawa
    Ah, here is fine.
[10:23] Odokawa
    That'll be 5,610 yen.
[10:25] Kabasawa
    Here's exact change.
[10:26] Odokawa
    Thank you. Don't forget anything in the car.
[10:45] Shibagaki
    If we don't make it
    this year, we're through.
[10:48] Baba
    Are you being serious, Shibagaki-san?
[10:50] Shibagaki
    I've been unsuccessful because
    I've been working with you.
[10:52] Baba
    You can't say that on public airwaves.
[10:55] Shibagaki
    Shut up, you nincompoop.
[10:56] Baba
    Now that's an insult you don't hear often.
[10:59] Baba
    Let's move onto our next segment.
[11:02] Baba
    Cutting through this week's
    news, Shibagaki Eyes.
[11:04] Baba
    Anyway, apparently a high school girl
    has gone missing in Nerima City.
[11:09] Shibagaki
    Scary stuff.
[11:14] Shibagaki
    It'd be nice if she turned up safe.
[11:17] Baba
    Absolutely.
[11:17] [Messenger] Phone
    Public Phone
    Incoming Call
[11:17] Shibagaki
    So, she's still missing?
[11:19] Baba
    Yeah, that's why she's in the news.
[11:21] Kabasawa
    Sorry, Driver. I forgot my phone.
[11:23] Kabasawa
    Could you come back?
[11:24] Odokawa
    I told you not to leave anything in the car.
[11:27] Kabasawa
    Did it go viral?
[11:29] Shibagaki
    I hope she comes back safe.
[11:32] Odokawa
    The notifications won't stop.
[11:35] Kabasawa
    Seriously? It went viral.
[11:37] Shibagaki
    I'm worried, okay? I'm worried about her.
[11:40] Baba
    Right. It's seriously concerning.
[11:41] Shibagaki
    We're worried about you.
[11:42] Baba
    Over in Nerima City, right? Seriously.
[11:44] Baba
    What's going to happen next?
[11:45] Shibagaki
    Well, if they're listening
    to this radio program...
SIGN    Runaway? Kidnapping?
SIGN    High School Girl Missing in Nerima City Unreachable Since Going Out Late at Night
[12:14] Caster
    According to the police, the student
    spoke with her family around 10 P.M.,
[12:19] Caster
    and then left the house.
[12:20] Caster
    A security camera captured her entering
    a taxi after leaving the convenience store
[12:25] Caster
    near her home, where she was shopping alone.
[12:29] Caster
    After this, she went missing,
[12:31] Caster
    and her mother submitted a missing
    persons report to the police on the 6th.
[12:45] Odokawa
    Are you happy?
[12:49] Odokawa
    You can run away whenever you want.
[12:52] Odokawa
    I'm not trapping you in here
    or keeping you tied up.
[12:55] Odokawa
    You chose to stay here.
[13:01] Odokawa
    Why did you come to my place?
[13:05] Odokawa
    Oh, are you hungry?
[13:13] Odokawa
    I'm heading to the clinic now.
[13:16] Odokawa
    I'm working after that,
    so I'll be back late.
[13:20] Odokawa
    You know you can run away anytime, right?
SIGN    Goriki Clinic
[13:26] Goriki
    Well, Odokawa?
[13:28] Goriki
    Have you been sleeping well?
[13:30] Odokawa
    I go to sleep while listening to rakugo.
[13:33] Odokawa
    I've already memorized it, you quack.
[13:35] Shirakawa
    Master Donraku Shofutei's routine?
[13:38] Odokawa
    Yeah. I'm surprised you know about him.
[13:41] Shirakawa
    I've got a Donraku eraser.
[13:44] Odokawa
    A what?
[13:46] Shirakawa
    I don't really understand it myself,
[13:47] Shirakawa
    but it's an original Master Donraku eraser.
[13:51] Odokawa
    Who the hell needs something like that?
[13:54] Shirakawa
    Apparently there's only one
    of them in the whole world.
[13:57] Odokawa
    Why do you have it?
[13:59] Shirakawa
    Well...
[14:02] Shirakawa
    You can have it.
[14:07] Goriki
    Donraku's rakugo builds such
    expansive scenes. It's easy to follow.
[14:11] Odokawa
    Really? I find it more boring than sutras.
[14:16] Shirakawa
    Must be rough if you still can't sleep when
    your mind is free from intrusive thoughts.
[14:19] Goriki
    Hey, Odokawa. What do I look like to you?
[14:23] Odokawa
    A gorilla.
[14:26] Goriki
    You're not wrong.
[14:29] Shirakawa
    Do you listen to rakugo online?
[14:31] Odokawa
    No, I listen to cassette tapes.
[14:34] Shirakawa
    Cassette tapes?
[14:36] Goriki
    Kids these days don't know what those are.
[14:38] Goriki
    They don't know how to rewind them.
[14:40] Odokawa
    No way.
[14:42] Odokawa
    We've never touched one,
[14:44] Odokawa
    but we know about phonographs
    and telephone magnetos.
[14:48] Odokawa
    They're in movies and stuff.
[14:51] Odokawa
    Drop the generation gap crap.
[14:57] Goriki
    Odokawa, why don't you get married already?
[15:01] Odokawa
    You're even more unexpected than
    Bruce Springsteen in "We Are the World."
[15:04] Goriki
    That guy who comes on after Al Jarreau?
[15:07] Shirakawa
    What are you talking about?
[15:08] Odokawa
    Didn't it make you jump
    the first time you heard it?
[15:11] Goriki
    I think Bruce Springsteen
    is the MVP, though.
[15:15] Odokawa
    It's certainly impressive the way he goes
     toe-to-toe with Stevie Wonder
[15:18] Odokawa
    in the second half of the song.
[15:19] Goriki
    But since they filmed separately,
    Bruce Springsteen recorded his part first.
[15:23] Odokawa
    You're drunk on the sound of the name
    "Bruce Springsteen," aren't you?
[15:26] Goriki
    Who doesn't want to say "Bruce Springsteen?"
[15:29] Odokawa
    Try saying Bruce Springsteen
    three times fast.
[15:33] Goriki
    Bruce Springsteen, Brust Springsteen,
     Bruce Springspreen.
[15:36] Odokawa
    You messed up.
[15:38] Goriki
    No, I didn't.
[15:39] Shirakawa
    Doctor.
[15:40] Shirakawa
    Your next patient is waiting.
[15:43] Goriki
    Oh. What was I saying?
[15:45] Goriki
    Right. Maybe you'd sleep better
    if you got married.
[15:48] Odokawa
    I know a concession
    of defeat when I see one.
[15:50] Odokawa
    Are we done here? I'm leaving.
[15:51] Goriki
    Yeah. I'll prescribe you
    a stronger medicine.
[15:54] Goriki
    You've got work now, right?
    Don't take it right away.
[15:56] Odokawa
    I know.
[16:09] Odokawa
    Hey.
SIGN    Goriki Clinic
[16:12] Odokawa
    What are you doing?
[16:13] Kenshiro
    We received information linking you to
     the Nerima missing high school girl case.
[16:19] Odokawa
    How'd you know I'd be here?
[16:21] Kenshiro
    I went to your place.
[16:23] Kenshiro
    Your car wasn't there,
[16:24] Kenshiro
    and I thought about forcing
    your front door open, but...
[16:28] Odokawa
    So, you thought you'd force
    my car door open instead?
[16:31] Kenshiro
    Not if you'll cooperate
    with my investigation.
[16:34] Odokawa
    Is this really an investigation?
[16:37] Odokawa
    Why are you alone?
[16:39] Kenshiro
    It's simple.
[16:40] Kenshiro
    If you've got nothing to hide,
     open your door.
[17:01] Kenshiro
    This dash cam allows you to film
    the inside of your vehicle, doesn't it?
[17:05] Odokawa
    That's right.
[17:05] Kenshiro
    How long do you store your recordings?
[17:07] Odokawa
    It starts recording when
    passengers get in or out of the car,
[17:10] Odokawa
    or if it detects odd movement,
[17:13] Odokawa
    so about two weeks.
[17:16] Kenshiro
    She'll be on here, then.
[17:18] Odokawa
    What?
[17:20] Kenshiro
    That high school girl
    from Nerima got in your car.
[17:24] Odokawa
    My car?
[17:26] Kenshiro
    I'm taking your data. This is a seizure.
[17:30] Kenshiro
    If anything comes up,
    I expect your cooperation again.
[17:34] Kenshiro
    Don't go to the police, though.
[17:38] Odokawa
    What if I do?
[17:40] Kenshiro
    Not sure, but I imagine a wanted
    criminal armed with a gun might kill you.
SIGN    Yamabiko
[18:05] Kakihana
    My back's been hurting recently.
[18:08] Taeko
    Oh, my. Will you be able to
    do your cleaning job?
[18:12] Kakihana
    They'll get the job done
    just fine without me.
[18:15] Kakihana
    From society's perspective, I should
     be thrown out with the trash.
[18:18] Kakihana
    My employers would probably
    prefer someone younger, too.
[18:23] Kakihana
    No one will say anything
    even if I take the day off.
[18:25] Kakihana
    You weren't supposed to laugh.
[18:26] Taeko
    I wasn't?
[18:27] Kakihana
    You're supposed to express support.
SIGN    Profile
    Born: Tokyo
    Education: High School Graduate
    Annual Income: Less Than 3,000,000
    Build: Skinny
    Height: 170cm
SIGN    Looking For Marriage
SIGN    Eiji Kakihana
    41 Years Old, Tokyo
SIGN    Profile
    Born: Tokyo
    Education: High School Graduate
    Annual Income: Less Than 3,000,000
    Build: Skinny
    Height: 170cm
    Days Off: Weekends
    Marriage History: Never Married
SIGN    Education: High School Graduate
    
    Annual Income: Less Than 3,000,000
SIGN    Education: High School Graduate
    
    Annual Income:
SIGN    Education: High School Graduate
    
    Annual Income: 2
SIGN    Education: High School Graduate
    
    Annual Income: 20
SIGN    Education: High School Graduate
    
    Annual Income: 200
SIGN    Education: High School Graduate
    
    Annual Income: 2000
SIGN    Education: High School Graduate
    
    Annual Income: 20,000,000
[18:58] Goriki
    Hey.
[18:59] Taeko
    Doctor, good evening.
[19:02] Goriki
    Beer, please.
[19:08] Goriki
    How are you feeling, Kakihana?
[19:10] Kakihana
    Aside from my back, not bad,
    thanks to you, Dr. Goriki.
[19:14] Goriki
    Odokawa called me a quack.
[19:18] Taeko
    Sounds like something he'd say.
[19:22] Goriki
    Could you guys talk to him, too?
[19:25] Kakihana
    About what?
[19:26] Goriki
    Tell Odokawa to go to a bigger hospital.
[19:30] Taeko
    Is something wrong with him?
[19:33] Goriki
    Don't you think he's strange?
[19:36] Kakihana
    He's always been strange.
[19:38] Kakihana
    He hates people and is sarcastic.
[19:40] Kakihana
    His parents abandoned him.
[19:42] Kakihana
    Of course he's twisted.
[19:44] Goriki
    Not that. It's something
    more... fundamental.
[19:49] Kakihana
    Come to think of it,
    I saw Daimon the other day.
[19:52] Kakihana
    He said something odd.
[19:55] Kakihana
    He thought Odokawa might be involved
    in the Nerima missing person case.
[19:58] Taeko
    Could it be?
[19:59] Kakihana
    He went to question Odokawa's neighbors.
[20:02] Kakihana
    They said they heard
    Odokawa talking to someone
[20:04] Kakihana
    when he supposedly lives alone.
[20:06] Taeko
    Maybe he was on the phone.
[20:08] Goriki
    I heard the police were looking for Dobu.
[20:11] Taeko
    Dobu? You mean that dangerous fellow?
[20:13] Kakihana
    Ma'am, you know about him?
    What makes him dangerous?
[20:15] Taeko
    They say he beat up a group of thugs
[20:18] Taeko
    who got drunk and rowdy at a club by himself,
[20:21] Taeko
    and knocked out an underground
    martial artist with a single blow.
[20:23] Kakihana
    I don't get it.
[20:25] Taeko
    The group that underground martial
    artist belongs to tried to beat up Dobu,
[20:31] Taeko
    but he beat them up instead.
[20:33] Taeko
    I bet biotechnology is the only
    thing that can beat him.
[20:36] Kakihana
    I'm not sure how much of that is true,
[20:38] Kakihana
    but I wouldn't want to
    get involved with him.
[20:40] Goriki
    Either way, that preposterous
    story is hard to believe.
[20:45] Kakihana
    By the way, ma'am, just between us,
[20:48] Kakihana
    I promise I won't get upset,
    so be honest with me.
[20:52] Kakihana
    Would you marry me—
[20:53] Taeko
    No way.
[20:53] Kakihana
    That was quick! Why not?
[20:55] Takeo
    Because...
[20:56] Kakihana
    Is it money? It's always money, isn't it?
[20:59] Taeko
    Money is the product of a person's abilities.
[21:02] Taeko
    Of course it's important.
[21:04] Kakihana
    You don't know true love, ma'am.
[21:06] Goriki
    List off the benefits of marrying you, then.
[21:09] Kakihana
    I pledge to never hit you.
[21:11] Taeko
    Don't list something obvious like it's
    one of the Three Non-Nuclear Principles.
[21:15] Kakihana
    Come on, don't be like that.
[21:17] Taeko
    Aw, it's fine.
[21:20] Goriki
    Hello?
[21:21] Nurse
    Good evening, Doctor.
[21:24] Goriki
    What's wrong?
[21:27] Nurse
    Some medicine is missing.
[21:30] Goriki
    Since when? How much is missing?
[21:33] Nurse
    I don't know when, but some
    more went missing today.
[21:36] Nurse
    Psychotropic drugs. About 6,000 pills.
[21:41] Nurse
    Who was working today?
[21:48] Odokawa
    You're taking a taxi after work?
[21:50] Odokawa
    Nurses must make good money.
[21:53] Shirakawa
    You remember me.
[21:55] Odokawa
    You're the only alpaca around here.
[22:00] Odokawa
    What's so funny?
    Are you laughing to be polite?
[22:03] Odokawa
    I never understand what
    young people are thinking.
[22:06] Shirakawa
    Drop the generation gap crap.
SIGN    Next Time: How To Spend a Long Night
[23:35] Kabasawa
    Do taxi drivers get a lot of girls?
[23:37] Odokawa
    Depends on the person.
[23:39] Kabasawa
    I bet you get some cute
    passengers, like idols.
[23:42] Odokawa
    Sometimes.
[23:44] Kabasawa
    Lucky.
[23:45] Odokawa
    How have you been since then? Gone viral?
[23:47] Kabasawa
    Dude, gimme a break.