E2 - Deer Meets Darkness Girl

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:19] ---
    I made it!
[01:59] ---
    Deer Meets Darkness Girl
[02:10] ---
    Introducing once more,
    Koshi Torako, former delinquent.
[02:17] ---
    Covering up her past upon joining high school,
    she climbed the ranks as an honor student
[02:21] ---
    and is now president of
    the student council, as well as class rep.
[02:26] ---
    However a transfer deer (?) named
    Shikanoko Noko revealed her past,
[02:31] ---
    revealed that she was a virgin,
[02:33] ---
    and because she was a total pushover,
[02:35] ---
    she was duped into becoming
    the president of the mysterious Deer Club.
[02:39] ---
    And once again, she reluctantly
    heads to the club.
[02:43] ---
    Yay! It's time for Deer Club!
[02:45] ---
    Maybe she doesn't sound reluctant?
[02:47] ---
    Well, it's not like I'm actually
    looking forward to going to the club.
[02:51] ---
    Oh? Then what is it?
[02:53] ---
    When I gave the clubhouse
    a little makeover this morning,
[02:57] ---
    it turned out so good!
[02:59] ---
    But it's not like I'm super excited
    for club activities today
[03:04] ---
    or anything like that.
[03:07] ---
    Is that so?
[03:09] ---
    It's the president's job to make
    the clubhouse a comfortable place.
[03:12] ---
    I can't wait to see how she reacts!
[03:15] ---
    You're amazing, Koshitan!
    I was wrong about you!
[03:17] ---
    Of course!
[03:19] ---
    All that's left is the wallpaper...
    Oh! And maybe I'll get a cabinet!
[03:23] ---
    There's still so much to be done!
[03:27] ---
    Just you wait! It'll be my own utopia!
SIGN    I won't forgive you, Deer
[03:41] ---
    And thus, the utopia came to an end.
[03:46] ---
    Kumagoro!
[03:48] ---
    Wh-What is this? My utopia!
[03:52] ---
    The utopia I spent my life savings on
    and four hours of my morning!
[03:59] ---
    She woke up at 3 AM.
[04:01] ---
    Are you okay, Koshitan?
[04:04] ---
    It's dangerous there. Come over here.
[04:07] ---
    You! Did you do this?!
[04:10] ---
    Did you do this to my utopia?!
[04:14] ---
    Hm? What are you talking about?
[04:15] ---
    It was already like this when I got here.
[04:20] ---
    Also, this room is dangerous.
[04:23] ---
    What do you mean?
[04:24] ---
    Someone's trying to kill me today.
[04:28] ---
    Who? And why?
[04:30] ---
    I don't know.
[04:31] ---
    But it's probably the same person
    who trashed our room.
[04:35] ---
    I fell into a five-meter-deep pitfall
    on the way to school,
[04:38] ---
    spears came falling out of the sky,
[04:40] ---
    and there were plastic bottles
    filled with water everywhere.
[04:43] ---
    How are you still alive?!
    Didn't a spear stab you in the head?!
[04:46] ---
    And water bottles? Not even cats are
    scared of those anymore!
[04:51] ---
    And my antlers totally
    got stuck in the door, too!
[04:54] ---
    You broke it again?!
[04:56] ---
    Anyway! I'm telling you,
    this place is dangerous!
[04:58] ---
    Now, calm down.
[05:00] ---
    Just think about it.
    There's no way someone's after you.
[05:03] ---
    You think so?
[05:04] ---
    Of course.
[05:05] ---
    Let's just step outside,
    get some fresh air and think calmly—
[05:12] ---
    Hey, how could you step
    out of cover so carelessly?
[05:16] ---
    This is a battlefield!
[05:17] ---
    Who are you?!
[05:18] ---
    I thought I taught you that
    carelessness will get you killed!
[05:21] ---
    You never taught me a damn thing!
    I was born in the Heisei era of peace!
[05:25] ---
    But more importantly,
    is someone seriously after you?
[05:28] ---
    Looks like it.
[05:29] ---
    Man, screw this! I'm leaving!
[05:31] ---
    What?! You're going to abandon
    your teacher and run away?!
[05:35] ---
    Shut up! Since when am I your student?
[05:39] ---
    I'm done getting caught up
    in all this annoying—
[05:45] ---
    Koshitan, is your head all right?
[05:47] ---
    That's not an insult.
[05:48] ---
    Who the hell are you?
[05:50] ---
    Give me back my utopia!
[05:54] ---
    Now she's pissed.
[05:55] ---
    You're going down!
[05:58] ---
    I don't care if you're
     a soldier or an assassin.
[06:01] ---
    Bring it on!
[06:19] ---
    Crap! Grenade! Get down!
[06:23] ---
    Deer crackers?!
[06:26] ---
    Hey! It's a trap!
[06:29] ---
    Wait, you moron! Wait, wait, wait!
[06:33] ---
    What, Koshitan?!
[06:34] ---
    Open your eyes! It's a trap!
    It's the trap of all traps!
[06:38] ---
    What kind of idiot drools
    and walks right into a trap?!
[06:42] ---
    - A trap...
    - Shikanoko?
[06:45] ---
    Long, long ago, a deer was asked,
[06:48] ---
    "Why do deer eat deer crackers?"
[06:51] ---
    This is how they answered.
[06:54] ---
    "Because there are
    deer crackers before me!"
[07:07] ---
    Shikanoko!
[07:09] ---
    I'm sorry, Koshitan.
[07:11] ---
    But I love deer crackers
    more than anything in this world!
[07:19] ---
    Yippee!
[07:27] ---
    Well, I messed up.
[07:29] ---
    I told you that this was a trap—
[07:31] ---
    I lost a little speed at the end
    and couldn't reach the deer crackers!
[07:35] ---
    You're still on that?!
[07:39] ---
    Hey! You over there trying to get me!
[07:41] ---
    I know you can hear me!
[07:43] ---
    My name is Nokotan! Show yourself!
[07:46] ---
    I accept this fight fair and square!
[07:49] ---
    Haven't you lost already?
[07:51] ---
    The deer's distant cry of defeat.
[07:53] ---
    And bring me more deer crackers, please!
[07:56] ---
    You're asking them for favors?
[07:58] ---
    You're quite bold for a pest.
[08:01] ---
    I planned to exterminate you earlier
[08:04] ---
    but my calculations were all wrong.
[08:07] ---
    A fight? I'll happily accept.
[08:09] ---
    I'll send you on your way to hell.
[08:12] ---
    This girl...
[08:13] ---
    I've managed to survive countless battles
[08:17] ---
    but she was able to capture me with ease.
[08:19] ---
    She's on another level.
[08:20] ---
    Who the hell are you?!
[08:22] ---
    - Anko?
    - Anko?
[08:24] ---
    What the hell are you doing here?
[08:28] ---
    Onee-chan!
[08:31] ---
    I missed you so much!
[08:33] ---
    You missed me?
    You see me at home every day.
[08:36] ---
    I want to be with you 365 days a year,
    24 hours a day, every minute and second!
[08:42] ---
    I can't get enough of your scent!
[08:44] ---
    Cut it out, will you?
[08:46] ---
    And why aren't you at school?
[08:48] ---
    Even your angry face is so adorable!
    I wuv you so much!
[08:51] ---
    Are you even listening?
[08:53] ---
    Who's she, Koshitan?
[08:55] ---
    My bad, this is Koshi Anko.
[08:58] ---
    My little sister.
[08:59] ---
    Koshi... Anko... Red bean... paste!
[09:04] ---
    You're imagining something
    delicious, aren't you?
[09:09] ---
    Don't stare at me like that, you vermin!
[09:14] ---
    Shikanoko Noko. I cannot forgive you.
[09:17] ---
    What's your deal with her?
[09:20] ---
    Wait, did you do all this?
[09:23] ---
    Yes. It was me.
[09:26] ---
    Why would you...
[09:27] ---
    It's all this deer's fault! All of it!
[09:31] ---
    It's her fault you changed!
[09:34] ---
    You used to come running home
    to me after school.
[09:39] ---
    To you? That's where we live as a family.
[09:42] ---
    You've been coming home so late...
[09:44] ---
    I'm always home by seven!
[09:47] ---
    I followed you because I was curious
    about why you were out so late
[09:50] ---
    and you were alone with
    that deer in your "club."
[09:53] ---
    How obscene!
[09:54] ---
    What's obscene is your damn way of thinking!
[09:57] ---
    And you left early again this morning...
[10:01] ---
    All you think about
    is your little deer love nest!
[10:04] ---
    That comfy couch, those cute rugs?!
    Is all of that necessary for a club room?
[10:09] ---
    Obscene! What were you two
     planning on doing in there?!
[10:12] ---
    W-Well...
[10:14] ---
    She wanted to retort, but couldn't admit
    that the setup was for herself.
[10:17] ---
    You can't answer? Does that mean...
[10:21] ---
    You slept together?
[10:23] ---
    Of course not!
[10:24] ---
    Are you mentally ill?
[10:26] ---
    And what's with the kunai?!
    Are you Iga? Koga? A Hokage?
[10:30] ---
    Hey, help me out here.
[10:33] ---
    Koshitan is my girl!
[10:35] ---
    That's not helping!
[10:36] ---
    Why are you complicating things?
    That's not what's going on here!
[10:41] ---
    I don't know if you're chunky or smooth,
    but I will protect Koshitan!
[10:44] ---
    You've done it now, you idiot!
[10:47] ---
    I knew it! You took my
    sister's virginity, didn't you?!
[10:50] ---
    See?! I knew this would happen!
[10:52] ---
    Do you know how hard I've been
    protecting my sister's virginity?!
[10:57] ---
    I don't remember asking for that.
[11:00] ---
    I won't forgive you...
[11:01] ---
    The deer that took my sister from me
[11:04] ---
    and my sister who crossed
    that line with a deer.
[11:06] ---
    I haven't crossed any lines!
    Not even the Chuo Line!
SIGN    Setting: Hino City
[11:09] ---
    I belong by your side.
[11:12] ---
    Anyone who stands in my way is my enemy.
[11:15] ---
    That's why I decided to destroy it all.
[11:19] ---
    Anko...
[11:20] ---
    I thought that if I destroyed
    this ridiculous Deer Club of yours
[11:23] ---
    and exterminated that vermin,
    my sister would come back home to me.
[11:28] ---
    But I've changed my mind.
[11:33] ---
    You mentioned something
    about fighting fair and square, right?
[11:36] ---
    That sounds fun. I accept.
[11:40] ---
    But if I win,
[11:42] ---
    you'll spend the rest of your life
    as a deer at Nara Park.
[11:46] ---
    Nara?
[11:48] ---
    If I lose, I will accept the festering
    relationship you have with my sister
[11:52] ---
    and leave you alone.
[11:54] ---
    You're gonna give people the wrong idea!
[11:56] ---
    Pull yourself together, Anko.
[11:59] ---
    This is ridiculous.
    There's no point in fighting.
[12:03] ---
    Why? It was the deer's idea.
[12:07] ---
    That is true...
[12:10] ---
    Fine. Let's fight.
[12:13] ---
    Wait, are you serious?
[12:15] ---
    If you become a Nara Park deer,
    what will happen to the club?
[12:20] ---
    Don't worry, Koshitan.
[12:23] ---
    Trust me!
[12:25] ---
    The Deer Club has a bond
    harder than deer crackers!
[12:29] ---
    Shikanoko...
[12:32] ---
    What are you even talking about?!
[12:34] ---
    Deer crackers aren't hard! They're flaky!
[12:36] ---
    I have one condition, too.
[12:39] ---
    What?
[12:40] ---
    If I win the fight...
[12:46] ---
    Give me tons of deer crackers.
[12:48] ---
    Just go to Nara already!
[12:50] ---
    The Deer Club faces its first huge crisis!
[12:52] ---
    What will happen to the club? To Nokotan?
[12:55] ---
    The battle that will decide the fate of
    Deer Club and deer crackers begins now!
[13:00] ---
    I'm deporting you to Nara Park immediately!
[13:03] ---
    All the deer crackers I can eat...
[13:06] ---
    Can I go home now?
SIGN    MIYAJIMA O-TORII
SIGN    MIYAJIMA ITSUKUSHIMA SHRINE
SIGN    1st Hinominami High School
    Chitty Chitty King of Koshi Torako Competition!!
[13:16] ---
    The first-ever Hinominami High School Chitty
    Chitty King of Koshi Torako Competition!
[13:22] ---
    Let's introduce our competitors!
[13:25] ---
    What the hell is this?!
[13:27] ---
    Koshi Torako's little sister
    with a fierce sister complex,
[13:31] ---
    Koshi Anko-chan!
[13:32] ---
    Does anything in this world even
    matter other than me and my sister?
[13:36] ---
    No, really! What is this?!
[13:38] ---
    The Deer Club's resident deer,
    Shikanoko Noko-san!
[13:41] ---
    I'll do it for the deer crackers!
[13:43] ---
    Are any of you listening to me?!
[13:45] ---
    How do you feel about
    the competitors, Koshi-san?
[13:49] ---
    I... I'm so lost right now.
[13:51] ---
    You sure sound excited!
[13:53] ---
    Are my words reaching you at all?!
[13:56] ---
    And today's grand prizes are...
[13:58] ---
    For Anko-chan, the right to deport
    Nokotan to Nara Park!
[14:03] ---
    And for Nokotan,
    a 100-year supply of deer crackers!
[14:06] ---
    Where did you even get all of these?
[14:08] ---
    And your host will be me, Ukai,
    the advisor of the Deer Club!
[14:13] ---
    Do teachers have nothing else to do?
[14:16] ---
    All right! Let's get started!
[14:18] ---
    You spent way too much money on this set.
[14:21] ---
    Question one.
    What does Koshi-san do every—
[14:24] ---
    What does Koshi-san do
    every night before bed?
[14:28] ---
    She talks the plushies in her room
    and gives them all a goodnight kiss.
[14:33] ---
    Correct!
[14:34] ---
    Stop! What kind of question is that?!
    Why are you violating my privacy?!
[14:39] ---
    Is that a bad thing?
[14:40] ---
    Of course it is!
[14:42] ---
    But it's making your fans
    love you even more!
[14:46] ---
    - She likes plushies?
    - Adorable!
[14:49] ---
    Fan for life!
[14:50] ---
    That's not the issue here!
[14:52] ---
    Here's a photo to prove it!
[14:57] ---
    Privacy! My privacy!
[14:59] ---
    Stop it with these questions!
[15:02] ---
    - On to the second question!
    - You're ignoring me?!
[15:05] ---
    Is Koshi-san currently—
[15:07] ---
    Tch!
[15:08] ---
    Nokotan was quicker this time!
    Your answer, please!
[15:11] ---
    Is Koshitan currently without a bra?
[15:14] ---
    The answer is she's wearing
    a bra top, therefore, without a bra.
[15:17] ---
    Again, what are these questions?!
[15:24] ---
    Correct!
[15:25] ---
    Y-You can't prove that without looking!
[15:28] ---
    Schrödinger's bra.
[15:30] ---
    Let's take a look at the footage!
[15:35] ---
    Stop! Stop! Stop!
    Seriously! Why do you have this footage?!
[15:41] ---
    Question three!
[15:42] ---
    Can I go home now?!
[15:44] ---
    Koshi-san has da—
[15:47] ---
    Koshi-san has dated
    how many boys or girls in total?
[15:51] ---
    The answer is zero!
[15:53] ---
    Uh, I might have dated someone!
[15:55] ---
    She hasn't.
[15:58] ---
    Sorry, incorrect!
[16:00] ---
    Koshi-san has dated
    zero boys or girls in total,
[16:06] ---
    but what is the reason for this?
[16:08] ---
    Please answer in sixty characters or less.
[16:10] ---
    Do you really need to dig that deep?!
[16:14] ---
    The answer please, Anko-chan!
SIGN    Anko
[16:18] ---
    Others dated as she waited for
    her first love due to shojo manga brain rot.
[16:29] ---
    Exactly sixty characters.
[16:32] ---
    Correct!
[16:33] ---
    Stop analyzing me!
[16:35] ---
    Her favorite manga magazine
    is Bessatsu Friend*.*
[16:38] ---
    Question four!
[16:40] ---
    What is Koshi-san's childhood secret?
[16:44] ---
    She wet the bed until she was ten.
[16:46] ---
    Correct!
[16:47] ---
    Don't say that!
[16:49] ---
    What is something that Koshi-san
    surprisingly likes?
[16:51] ---
    - She likes kids' anime.
    - Correct!
[16:54] ---
    Why is that surprising? Who cares?
[16:57] ---
    Question five! What is Koshi-san's—
[16:59] ---
    - Egg on rice!
    - Correct!
[17:01] ---
    How were you able to answer that?!
[17:09] ---
    What's happened here?
[17:11] ---
    The contestants are locked in a tie!
[17:15] ---
    How much longer are they going to
    violate my privacy?
[17:21] ---
    Something isn't right!
[17:23] ---
    Why does this freaky deer
    know so much about my sister?
[17:26] ---
    There must be something going on!
[17:29] ---
    I know! She's connected to the all-deer
     network, Shika Shika Network (SSN)!
[17:34] ---
    It's collecting my sister's data,
    sending it to the supercomputer Shikagaku
[17:39] ---
    to be analyzed and
    transmitted to her antlers!
[17:42] ---
    Now, I'll have to show you my true power!
[17:49] ---
    You've let your guard down.
    I have plenty more traps left!
[17:53] ---
    Doesn't this make
    the quiz completely pointless?
[17:56] ---
    Koshitan's privacy
    was violated for nothing.
[17:59] ---
    I'll make Shish Kebab out of you
    before I send you to Nara Park!
[18:08] ---
    You can dodge them?!
[18:10] ---
    What is up with this deer?
[18:11] ---
    Take my knives like an adult!
[18:13] ---
    Take this! And this!
[18:15] ---
    I'm tired. No one's looking.
    Maybe I'll just leave.
[18:20] ---
    You vermin!
[18:24] ---
    Onee-chan!
[18:39] ---
    Shikanoko!
[18:41] ---
    Hey, Shikanoko!
[18:45] ---
    Koshitan... I'm getting really sleepy...
[18:49] ---
    What are you saying?!
    Stay with me, Shikanoko!
[18:53] ---
    Open your eyes, Shikanoko! Shikanoko!
[18:58] ---
    Why?
[19:00] ---
    Following me around,
    making me join your club...
[19:04] ---
    Getting us into this mess...
[19:07] ---
    How dare you...
[19:08] ---
    How dare you just leave me like this?!
[20:01] ---
    Notsu!
[20:09] ---
    Shikanoko, you're alive!
[20:15] ---
    I'm glad you're alive, but how?
[20:23] ---
    Earlier...
[20:30] ---
    It looks like the crackers protected me.
[20:33] ---
    What is this, an old movie?
[20:35] ---
    Deer crackers aren't even hard,
    they're flaky!
[20:39] ---
    Shikanoko.
[20:42] ---
    Thank you for saving my sister.
[20:45] ---
    This was my loss.
[20:48] ---
    I was so foolishly blinded
    by hate and anger,
[20:51] ---
    I almost hurt my own sister.
[20:53] ---
    I've failed as a little sister!
[20:56] ---
    You're the one who should be by her si—
[20:58] ---
    That's not true.
[21:01] ---
    It's not true.
[21:03] ---
    It was you, no...
[21:05] ---
    Koshian, I was able to save your sister
    thanks to the deer crackers you gave me.
[21:10] ---
    You saved her life!
[21:13] ---
    I think we can be good friends!
[21:18] ---
    Can I call you Nokotan?
[21:23] ---
    Of course!
[21:25] ---
    Take care of my sister, okay, Nokotan?
[21:29] ---
    Leave it to me, Koshian.
[21:39] ---
    Nokotan! Koshian!
[21:44] ---
    How lovely!
[21:47] ---
    In the end, Koshitan still had no idea
    what was going on.
[21:54] ---
    Starting tomorrow,
    I'm going to wear a bra every day.
SIGN    The next day
[22:02] ---
    It's white today!
[22:03] ---
    X-ray vision?!